So at the beginning of last year, my husband cut his sister out of our lives. She hasn’t seen my son in a little over a year now, and she has not met our new baby. Since then, they have made up, and he promises her time with the babies. My issue is the reason he cut her out is that she went off on him about something I posted. She took it personally when it wasn’t directed at anyone; it was just a post saying I’m raising my babies to decide who they show love to. I won’t let anyone force them to show affection because that is extremely creepy, in my opinion. She has done a lot of other things as well, such as: threatening cps for no reason, talking shit about me behind my back, insisting I spoke badly about her, taking credit for my baby shower even though I planned it alone because no one wanted to help me, made me apologize for my face, and more. I told my husband I don’t want her around the kids until she and I sit down and talk everything out because I don’t want to walk on eggshells my entire life or worry about her bad-mouthing me in front of my children as she does with my husband. But now that they made up, that has gone out the window, and he promises her time with the kids in secret. Maybe I’m just overreacting and need to give up on wanting a conversation with her.
Oh yeah those “secret meetings” are not okay at all. That wouldn’t sit right with me
Sounds like you need to deal with your husband. Mine would be out of this house so fucking quick…
Ps. She’s not the issue he is
Maybe you should reach out and speak with herself🤷🏽♀️
So your husband is going behind your back?
Everyone involved sounds immature. The kids can’t see their aunt because you don’t like her over petty arguments?
I believe your husband is doing you wrong to set up meetings and ensure her secret meetings of time with your children. Unless you can sit down and resolve differences with her, your household will be walking on eggshells. I would be pitching a fit if my spouse ensured meetings with his sister and my children, I disagree with Andie Beth. After being married to my husband for 55+ years (we were married 58 yrs. before he passed away) my husband’s sister referred me to my husband as being “that woman”. Of course, he did remind me before we married, “you are marrying me, not my family”. I guess he knew what to expect. Good luck to you!
Life too short ,Don’t be the reason your husband has to sneak. Just tolerate her. Show your husband and children,you are a woman of remarkable character.
So…he is purposely going behind your back about this? That is the issue right there. She isnt as big of an issue when he is the one going behind your back about something as important as your kids
Talk to your husband and tell him no not until you straighten the issues out that’s not right what he’s doing
My previous husband’s mother took up for his sister in a situation I didn’t even create. I told him what happened as soon as it did and he took up for me. It was all based on lies. Yet she opted to believe her daughter instead of him!
What do you mean she made you apologize for your face?
I’d be deeply offended that my husband would disregard my feelings & go behind my back. They’re his kids too. You can’t prevent him from taking them somewhere. Your relationship has problems though. How can you trust him? I couldn’t. I’d look into a marriage counselor.
I’m sorry but she’s allowed to be petty if the SIL is being petty. They sound like legit reasons to me honestly. Your husband has no right to give her access to YOUR children until YOU are ready. Shame on her if she’s pushing him to let her see them. Shame on him for assuming he can do what he wants without your consent. Shame on all of yall for telling her to tolerate either of their behavior. NO ONE who threatens to call CPS on me is getting anywhere near my children. EVER. I don’t give a rats ass if they are “family”. Bringing drama and shit and she’s expected to be the bigger person? Bullcrap. Sometimes you do NOT have to be the bigger person. If it is making YOUR life easier to not have to deal with petty ass drama BY ALL MEANS PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. You DO NOT have to let her see YOUR children until she’s done with her bullcrap. Your mental health and stress levels are far more important for you and your kids then playing nice to "keep the peace " with a disrespectful family member. The nerve. Seriously. 
I say a little pow wow with both of them is needed. Clear the air. Life is too short & communication needs to happen clearly between all of you so there’s no he said/ she said
Life is too short to keep children away from their family for dumb reasons. Make up and move on. It’s not that serious. Our children need all the love they can get.
Let him take the kids to see her.
Me and inlaws fell out. I still encouraged the kids to message them and keep contact. I dont need to see them. Your husband still should be honest with you tho
Just because you all as adults are having disputes and choosing to not have contact does not mean you should take it out on the children. Speaking on experience here, there was a time a fell out with a certain individual but I still allowed the kids to communicate (whether it be face time, phone conversations or even my other half bringing the child to said persons house for a play date). I also always invited them over for birthdays even though we have not personally spoken in years (my other half would often relay the message). Just because you may not personally get along with the other party involved does not mean the children should be punished by seeing their aunt, uncle, nieces, nephews etc. It’s called being a mature adult and putting your differences aside for the sake of the children involved even if you have not personally resolved said issues. That’s just me though 
Communication is key. Have a calm conversation with both your husband and sister in law… no relationship is perfect and will always require some tlc.
Tsk tsk… hubby should know better
Okay, it’s obvious that you and your sister in law don’t like each other but is she good to your children? Would she ever try to harm your children? The WORST thing you can do to children is keep them from getting extra love from family because the adults are being petty and childish. Using your kids as pawns will only hurt them🤷🏽♀️
Your husband is the problem cause the CPS calling by anyone even his mom is a no no!!! She wouldn’t see my kids either and if he did he would have hell to pay!!!
so he decided to cut her out and now decides to let her see her new nephew/niece? that’s very nice.
Behind your back is not nice. communication problem there.
especially if he isnt standing up for you at all in the way she treats you.
I would have a talk with him about the situation and then hash that stuff out later with the sister in law. its not gonna go away unless you face it head on.
least IMO.Good luck
I grew up with toxic and vowed to never let my kids grow up with toxic just because they’re related 
Family means nothing if you’re a threat to my children’s well-being.
Your kids, your rules
You don’t get to do that to your children. If she’s part of their lives, she’s part of it regardless of whatever petty bullshit exists between the two of you. If she’s not part of it, then she’s not part of it at all.
If she’s not a threat to your children and she loves them, there’s no reason for you to keep them apart.
Be an adult and make a decision.
I’m all for letting the kids see family that I don’t speak to but crossing the line like that and threatening cps would be the last straw no one ever does that for a “joke” or whatever they wanna call it! You have every right to be pissed! Tell your husband what’s happening or I would throw him in the bin to if his going to go behind your back!
Blood is thicker than water. If you love your husband and your children you need to forget the pass and act show her that you are the better person. Life is too short. That is a terrible example for your children to see. Good luck and may God Bless your family.
Bigger issue is him sneaking behind your back. You need to address that with him.
Lay the smack down and remind him of your agreement. Her attitude isn’t welcome and until u both talk she won’t be seeing the kids. It has to be a mutual agreement.
I think its shit parents dont let kids see family over petty shit they are mad about… 
that is all…
Gosh all 3 of you need you grow up . All 3 of you just need to have a talk
Went through something similar with my ex.
All I can say is that he’s an ex for a reason.
Tell your husband you want a meeting with her to talk it through. Take it from there. If you don’t want to do that, just set some ground rules down. Main one being not to bad mouth you at all especially in front of the children.
The sister is toxic !!! If she is toxic to you she will be toxic to your children as well cut her off completely and if he doesn’t respect your personal boundaries as what Is healthiest for your babes and feels some type of obligation bc she is his sister he is the one with problems as well and I would threaten to cut him out as well if he does not respect your decision on this …never just bend over and take it love us women have to be strong if not for ourselves FOR OUR CHILDREN
At first reading your post a few lines in I was like Nup calm down and relax, given the reason it started seems a little petty and a bit OTT to shut someone out completely,but then you’ve stated you expressed wanting to sit down with her and find a common ground and state no bad mouthing you and so forth and in my opinion your husband should either have that conversation with her and express your feelings or as you said make a time and place for yourself and her to sit down and hash it out. If he can’t I don’t agree on ever having my children in the care of people who talk negatively about me,Adults should keep things betweeen themselves and let children love all family members.
If she wants to talk crap about you and he go behind your back in wanting to organise secret meet and greets you have to put your foot down!
My kids would never be left alone with him and before you say she should just leave uh do you think she will be allowed to dictate who is around the kids on daddys time…nope!
The whole secret thing is what bothers me the most… nothing should be done in secret if it has to do with your children.
I agree with your post (that she did not like) forcing children to show affection to someone is so wrong on so many levels. If she has an issue that’s her problem because maybe she herself forces affection on them. She has put you in a bad light by contacting CPS and this should not be OK with hubby. And having done all this, yes she probably might bad mouth you to your own children. Hubby should tell her that if she sits down and chats to you then there is no issues with seeing the children. You and hubby should stand together on this issue and he shouldn’t be going behind your back
An aunt is good for the babies.
Let it go and grow up…too many other bigger things to worry about. He is with the children and I’m sure he won’t let anything bad happen.
I would say she can see the kids, but only if you are there. I would also demand of her that the two of you need to sit down and talk things out. If she refuses to do that, I would make the visits very short and not often. Tell your husband if he does any “secret” meetings with her and the kids behind your back, you will be upset with him. If he doesn’t respect that, I would suggest maybe try seeing a therapist together, so you can talk out your feelings with someone who can maybe get him to listen and really respect your opinion. Good luck!!
I dont like my husbands sisters. They try and bad mouth me. But it never works out for them. His family knows how I am. I am outspoken and not afraid to tell people how I feel. I really dont want my kids around them. But I do it. Because of my husband. Its his family and thats all he has. My own family and I barely speak. That’s just how we are. No drama that way. And no news is good news. If ya need anything call. Some families fight. Thats just how it is. And if he can forgive her then so should you. Grow up. And don’t sweat the small shit.
Get rid of the garbage!
Conversation between you and the hubby first. Explain the stress it brings to you and listen to what he has to say on the matter. You two are partners and need to communicate with one another. The secret meetings not ok. It breaks a trust between you two…again you are partners. Then after you two game plan it’s time for meeting with the sister. Ultimately it up to you both to decide what’s best for the kiddos.
Your kids don’t have to be around her and so what she’s their fathers sister at the end of the day some kids are better off staying away from certain family members especially when theyr toxic… put your foot down now before she starts fulling their heads with shit .
Stand your ground that r your kids also. So talk to your husband. He needs to be on your side.
I dont think its fair that your husband has to cut off his family member because the two of you dont see eye to eye. If he’s comfortable letting HIS and YOUR kids see her. Then it’s pretty obvious he’s squashed the beef between them and the whole cps thing is over with… saying and doing are two different options. You and your sister in law may never like each other, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her neices or nephews and her brother… sometimes you gotta pick and. Choose your battles… is this situation worth making your husband feel that he gotta choose your side or her side… compromise with him and let it be. Hoping for the best
“made me apologise for my face”?? wt…
Just let her see the kids if she makes the effort to see them children are not a weapon in adults battles you don’t need to be friends if you don’t want to if you both make up well n good
Marriage counselling. You need to be on the same page or it will ruin your relationship with secrets and lies
Why does your husband need to cut contact with his sister? you and her dont get along leave that between you too.
Forgiveness and move ahead…family is everything! We get so little time try not to waste it on grudges.
I feel your reason is abit iffy to she can’t see the kids I think it should just be more don’t speak to me the reasons given arnt very grown up, either way done in secret isn’t very nice if shes seeing the kids you should have a say she may come in handy one day build your bridges at same time know who she is as a person n know what to trust her with
Can you contact her? I would call and see if she’d be willing to sit down with you and talk. Let her know you want to work things out and clear the air and get back on good terms. Or call her and tell her you don’t want her to see the children in secret or behind your back. Tell her you want to be open and have her in your children’s life. I’d say I know we have had our issues and I don’t want you to feel you have to hide from me to see the children, what happened was hurtful to me and I’d like to let it go and try again. You’re important to my husband and that’s important to me. Would you like to come over and see the children and have coffee with me! See what she says if yes have her over feel her out be nice then after an HR or so bring up what was hurtful. I’d say I know we have different views which is ok I just don’t want us to fight or you and your brother to not talk for so long again I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings in the past I do need you to accept me for me though and try not to say hurtful things. Can we both do this?
See what happens
Yea I don’t like the idea of anyone forcing children to show false affection to people. Very uncomfortable for the children and I dont like the message that sends them at a young age.
figure how to get same page with your husband, he needs to grow balls back you and secret meetings is absolutely childish on both their parts. you either are there or she doesn’t see them and he needs to tell her that. sounds like you have right intentions and I would hold my ground.
This is an issue between you & your sister in law. Leave the children out of it.
Tell him No she’s not seeing them and you know about his secret meeting discussion. He’s being disrespectful if he does otherwise.
why isnt the husband trying to facilitate a truce between them?
Id be pist too and I wouldn’t allow him to do that behind your back. Put your foot down. If he does it behind your back thats like lying and disrespectful as well. How could you trust him if he’s doing that
You are not overreacting you guys need to be on the same page. She can’t go to him and completely single you out those are your children too. That is not healthy at all to be doing things behind your back and having secret meetings you’re his wife and you need to be 100% on board.
Windshield in a car is larger so you can see where you’re going, rear view mirror is smaller, to let it go ! It’s between you and her NOT the kids , so let her see the kids or suck it up. Act like an adult and make up . Really? Very juvenile to think she’s going to bad mouth you to children, much more to talk about.
If hes got custody rights he can do that
I’d honestly let it go if I was you. I’m not saying forgive her, but don’t make the kids miss out on a relationship just because the adults can’t get along…
My SIL has decided that we (along with her other siblings) aren’t allowed to see her children and that her kids can’t play with ours - all because of stupid childish reasons - and the only people suffering from it is the kids on both sides who are missing out on relationships with their aunts, uncles and cousins.
You do not need to have a relationship with her but your kids deserve the chance to have one.
TELL HIM NO! If he goes behind your back anyway you need to leave. He needs to support your decision 100% because in reality the second she threatened child services she put you in danger of loosing your kids (not saying you would have but the system is fucked enough) he needs to tell her either she sits down and talks like an adult or she will not be around the kids
Toxic is toxic. Family or not. Definitely not overreacting, I’d be mad too.
Thatd be the day ANYONE went against me and brought my kids around someone I was not comfortable with. Idc who it is, family or not. Thats a fight I will win. Not overreacting at all!
She is their Aunt. You and her don’t have to like each other but the more people that love your children, the better.
Unpopular opinion coming…
Seems like immature drama.
At the end of the day,that’s still his sister and her nieces or nephews. Siblings fight and make up. I wouldn’t expect my husband to pick me over his sister. I would try my best to be the bigger person and remember the kids need a aunty and healthly relationships. Let her be immature,but you can also be the bigger person and if you did that, you could be there while she saw the kids. Fake it till you make if you have to. I’d do that for my husband if that was my case.
if someone doesn’t like or respect me they don’t have access to my kids🤷🏼♀️ toxic is toxic doesn’t matter who it is
Your husband should respect your decision, you are his wife and the mother of his children. I’m not one to keep my children from family, but if they want to bad mouth me, call child services, and doing other “childish” things on me and my name then no… Having a sit down. And talking it out is one thing, then yes. But if my husband has to go behind my back and do a secret meet and greet then fuck no!! Y’all saying its childish, until it’s your husband or SO meeting in secret with your family your not comfortable with. That’s like saying about a perv oh he only makes you uncomfortable, not the kids. You do what you feel is comfortable for you and your children. If you can make a mends with her then yay, that is better for not just you but the kids as well. Good luck!!
Maybe cut your losses. If you guys weren’t together you literally couldn’t stop him from allowing his kids to see her. Is it worth you leaving him for not respecting you…and still having him do it?
Or can you calm down and say maybe you can stop fighting it but tell him she needs to grow up about the child services and stuff.
Ummm what? Suddenly you don’t get a say regarding your child?
My ex’s mother would say awful things to me including wishing death on my daughter. Eventually the fact that he forced me to allow her around caused me to leave.
Tell him flat out no and litetally confront her about everything and tell her until she GROWS UP and talks to you then she will not be allowed around the kids. If my husband did that id tell him pack a sleeping bag until he learns to respect me as his partner and communicate🤷
Set boundaries with your husband.
It’s his kids too , she may have said Ocs from anger , alit if people say things they don’t mean while mad , let your kids be lived by all family
you will get way better advice joining Monster-In-Law Support Group. They understand what your going through and wont push u to allow toxicity in your childrens lives.
Life is short. Family is important. Mend it
Sounds like your husband needs to respect you or get out. He’s just letting her do it. Now planning secret meetings I wouldn’t let him take the kids anywhere unless you went. You need to sit him down and I will just call her out on the meetings so she knows you know.
Some of the things she’s done seem minor to me. But others like her threatening to call CPS are giant red flags. Hell to the no. She has really obvious issues with boundaries. She might be his sister, but your kids are his kids AND your kids. You need a chat with hubby first about: why he thinks she’s changed, what he thinks is different now, and why he feels now is the time to re-establish a relationship with her. You and him need to be on the same page right now about boundaries with her, how she will appear in your kid’s lives, etc. That’s the bare minimum. I do think it would be best if you also had a direct conversation with her. If she’s really changed, she’ll woman up and come to the table to have that talk with you.
Very unpopular opinion…there’s always 2 sides to every situation and somewhere in the middle is the truth. My ex SIL and I didn’t get along. She was pregnant when she met my brother and kept it hid from my family for months. I confronted her about it. She wouldn’t work, clean, take care of kids and my parents constantly gave them money. She didn’t like me because I didn’t buy into her woe-is-me sob story. Her version is I’m just a heartless bitch…partially true. My brother saw the writing on the wall and divorced her. We both had valid issues with the other. We tried to talk and work things out but it wasn’t in the cards…sit her down and talk.
Very simple answer. If you can’t respect me you don’t get access to my kids.
No one sees my kids with out my permission. This is a big red flag and NoNo. He either sides with you or go.
He has a say in the kids too…
Cut SIL out of your life
So everyone telling her to forgive or let her kids around the aunt who threatens CPS just to be petty, would you let YOUR kids around someone who threatened CPS just to be petty
Didn’t think so.
Nope nope nope. Both parents agree or she never sees them.
Ain’t no way in hell she’d be around my baby’s without sitting down and talking things out 
No. She doesn’t need to see them. She’s an aunt not a parent or guardian
Uhm this sounds really selfish of you to want to cut her out of your children’s lives because you and her had a petty argument! You need to grow up imo🤷♀️
I’d be pissed too! You told him your conditions for her to see the kids and he needs to support you in that. It’s perfectly reasonable. That your husband allows her to talk badly about you is messed up. Sister or not if she talk shit about you in front of him he needs say something. He’s sounds like an ass. To do something that he KNOWS would piss you off is not a good sign that you have a good marriage, at least as far as his behavior is concerned. That he thinks nothing of lying to you is a bad sign too. What else does he hide from you? I’m not saying leave him cuz that’s extreme but you guys have issues obviously that need worked through. Go see a marriage counselor cuz his behavior can’t go on. I’m sure he has some things he thinks you do wrong too. Get counseling. That he’s ignoring your justified feelings because it’s his sister needs to be addressed, seriously.
She made you apologise for your face??? HELL NO. You don’t need to be having a single conversation with her until she apologises. However. I’m a firm firm believer that children deserve love from every angle, and if she’s mature and loving enough to put aside your differences and not treat your children differently I would allow him to take them to see her. I don’t get on all that well with my sister in law most of the time, petty arguments and regular fallouts, but I love my nephew just as I love my own children and would be devastated if I couldn’t see him. I’d never treat him differently because his mother and I may not see eye to eye. X
It irks me when I see people post those memes, especially my own family members. In my opinion we should be teaching all kids especially those we influence the most like our own to always show love and respect especially to our enemies. From the story Ive read you haven’t acted and your sister inlaw has over reacted, but its not ur job to teach her how to behavior better. Tell your husband No, not till she apologizes and going behind your back feels like he’s taking sides. You might not want to forgive her but you do need to move on for your husband ( thats his sister would you like someone to keep your childern part?) And a aunt wanting to know ur childern
If someone doesn’t respect me, my marriage, or family I made they don’t get the privilege of being around us🤷♀️
We have boundaries set in place with everyone concerning our family.
“You don’t have to like me but you WILL respect me” is the motto and that goes for anyone involved in my children’s lives as well. I’ve had no problem cutting off toxic family members for that very reason. Wanna see the kids? Don’t disrespect their mother. Period.
You are gonna hate me. But they are his kids also. And if he wants to forgive his family and let them see the kids it’s only fair. Life is too short to hold grudges over a facebook post to begin with. It’s only fair he can let his kids see his family. For all you saying get rid of the husband. Umm hello If divorce is an option and on the table then he would still see his kids and could still have them around his family. Suck it up buttercup they are his kids and his family is their family.
They’re his kids he has a say in who sees them
First they are just as much his kids as they are yours which means he has just as much say in who is or is not in their lives as you do. Second seems like you need to have a conversation with him. there’s always more than one side to things and yours seems kind of sketchy.