No your not overreacting. I would be p!$$ed! Your trying to be a mature adult about it by wanting to sit down and work out y’all’s issues and your husband is just wanting to sneak the kids to go see her. I would sit down and have a talk with him and tell him how you feel about it
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Does she have kids??? Have your husband try to sneak her kids and she hope she would react 
Problem solved
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Just because adults have an issue with each other over a Facebook post don’t make the kids suffer. A visit won’t hurt and they are his kids too. She is their family. The reason some kids have so many emotional problems is because they are caught in the middle of adult problems.
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Let it go. Be the bigger person. If you want to stay married then you have to accept each others family’s, even if you don’t like all of them. Remember even if you don’t like her she is still his sister that the kids aunt. You don’t have to see her or deal with her. Let him. The kids know the truth and love you. If she speaks badly of you in front of them they will not just assume it’s true and your husband should ask her not to do so.
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I’m the type of parent that would never let my own opinion/feelings get in the way of someone spending time with my children if they love my children and I know they are safe around them.
HOWEVER… if that particular person is threatening to or already is calling CPS for bogus reasons that are not true and their behaviour is going to negatively impact my children then that’s where I draw the line. Your husband needs to respect what you say and he needs to tell his sister that it’s between you two and that her and yourself need to sit down and talk. Obviously it’s great if aunts and uncles and family can be involved but if they are toxic and negatively impacting your children then you have to decide.
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Your husband needs to have your back. It’s about team work. He needs to put you first, ahead of his sister
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Yea no he needs to tell his sister to respect HIS wife and let yall talk there won’t be any secret meetings. I’ll be damned if my man’s sister did this to me id talk to her and if we couldn’t agree on anything then snip snip bitch you ain’t in mine or my kids life.
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I get it that he is the dad BUT he doesn’t need to backtrack on their decision as a couple (not a hard decision at all) and allow his sister to disrespect his wife. By doing that, now HE is disrespecting his wife as well! If ANYONE acts like her s.i.l. or my own (I’ve got one too🙄 she will not get to see what’s most precious to me ever again.)
Not being petty, after all that has been said, she’s just protecting her children and their children are obviously not needing a relationship with someone who is willing to treat their mom that way.
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there is 3 sides to every story her side the sil side and the truth.
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No … I’d be furious… keeping secrets from his wife is a huge red flag.
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Been in the same situation only I was the sister… in all honesty just call her up and see if you guys can have lunch. Talk like adults, no finger pointing or calling out certain things. She probably feels unloved and has some issues to sort out and you do too. If you think she might harm your children or anything like that then you need to talk to your husband about it. I lost 2 years with my family bc of my own issues. Now life is good, we have all grown up, dealt with our own crap and we now can have family get togethers.
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Sister in law is a freaking narcissist. I have a cousin like that. Just stand your ground and keep your boundaries intact
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Husband and wife are supposed to be a team. He shouldn’t be going behind you or against you in any situation. You two need to communicate and come to an agreement.
I would be furious if I were you.
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You are not overreacting in regarding to being upset about “secret visits.”
If she wants to make up and meet the kids she can reconcile with you both.
You and your sister-in-law need to sort your guys shizz out and stop using the kids as weapons. When I fight with my sister’s I never stop them from seeing the kids. He has every right to let his sister see them, do you stop them from seeing your family or circle of friends, just cause you’ve had a falling out with them?
Besides, your kids will tell you who they don’t like, giving them the choice to like and get to know family is a lot more important then a disagreement, don’t you think?
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Let’s face it, the post probably was about her, and you were probably being petty because of past shit. What you should have done is confronted her to her face about things that have been said, rather than post little snarky things on Facebook. No you shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells, but I’m sure you’re not innocent in all of this. Sit down with her, admit you f***ed up and ask to start fresh. 
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Anyone that threatens cps does not belong in your life. My husband and I have one main rule when it comes to our kids. It takes one to say no, two to say yes. Sit down and tell him exactly how you feel
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Sounds like your issue here is really with your husband. The two of you need to have an open honest and trusting relationship. That being said, he has every right to include his family members in your children’s lives. You don’t have to be there for the visits, you don’t have to like them, but you do have to grow up and be civil. Let your children see that rising above the fray is the way to be a real adult.
Honestly I mean this in the most respectful way …put ya big girl panties on and stop hurting your kids and the family with holding onto a stupid crap fight about a stupid misunderstanding…
at the very least be civil … if you don’t like her that’s fine … but adults are supposed to show the children how to act … how extremely sad and extremely stressful for your babies to not share things freely wth you because they are afraid of the response …
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Since you said “sister in-law” and not “my SO’s sister” … that means you’re married. And when you’re married, your spouse comes first. He should be the one and only person having your back at all times. If he is doing anything in secret, that’s violating your vows as husband and wife
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Not over reacting at all. I’d have a sit down with your husband and tell him he’s being disrespectful by this to you. As your husband he needs to have your back on all things. Even family matters (yours or his). This type of behavior will rub off on your kids as well. If they see mom and dad aren’t a team they’re gonna think they do whatever they want. If mom says no then dad will say yes. Most children do this anyway but it will be taken to an extreme. I always stand by my husband no matter what. I have his back and he has mine. I recently cut my own father from my life because he refuses to accept my husband. Your husband needs to do the same for you. Blood doesn’t necessarily make you family and he needs to learn that. If he can’t then you need to find someone that treats you as family
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Your spouse should have your back. Secret anything is a complete lack of respect and trust for YOUR relationship. It sounds like you need to have a conversation with him. Family doesnt get a free pass on disrespect either. The fact that she would opt for secret meetings instead of being an adult and discussing her feelings & opinions with you, shows she isn’t invested in making a healthy relationship with your family. I hope you get a happy ending, but maybe consider family counseling.
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Ya fuck that!
Yr either a team or yr not!
Dragging your kids into the ring of fire between you two “adults” is nothing short of child abuse. Kids are not weapons and should never suffer the emotional roller coaster of family feuds. Suck it up and make a mends it’s not ALL about YOU.
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That husband needs to get it together
It’s not ok at all and don’t let it be! Your husband should have your back just as you should have his! Do your part to show you’re willing to work on things but don’t be a push over. I’ve been in your situation had nothing to do with my children but I was treated terribly over and over again for more than 2 years while my husband stood by and watched and let it continue. I kept trying and putting myself in situations where I was treated like crap over and over again because it’s what he asked me to do and I loved him. Funny thing is I never did one thing to her or said one negative word. I was treated this way because my husband and I had separated temporarily. We are now almost 4 years out from when it started and I still have wounds that I’m trying to heal and it still hurts everyday. It’s created so many other issues and fights in our relationship and added so much more work yet he still tiptoes around her feelings because he doesn’t want to hurt her… yet he was fine with hurting me… Sounds like you’ve been the adult in the situation the whole time and she is the one being immature and not willing to even have an adult conversation. There’s nothing wrong with standing your ground and requiring people to step up and own their part if they want to be in your life. It’s her turn to put in the work now!
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If a family member or anybody in this case can’t respect me as their mother and not talk bad about me then they do not need to be around my kids … my kids are a reflection of me if I show them that it’s OK for family members to do that then when they grow up and have kids it will be the same cycle … if you both are mature enough to sit down and hash it out then do it but if not oh well move on
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Kids shouldn’t suffer because of adult crap. Unless she is a danger to your kids then let them see their aunt. This is yours and her issue not theirs.
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I’m with you but there are 2 sides of the story. Now you controlling your husband on what to do with His kids with his sister has to be something serious. You stated that she threatened to call CPS on you. That in itself is VERY serious! Now if there isn’t a problem and it’s all false claims them she’s in the wrong and shouldn’t stress the family like that but should not have any proof and therefore cleared. If she does have actual reasoning behind it then that’s her protecting her brother’s kids like any neighbor would call CPS if they saw any injustices towards children. Husband and Wife are the number 1 team for their kids. Respecting family members should be always be a goal in a couple’s life also.
Oh yeah, I’m a petty bitch
Your husband needs to respect your wishes. The fact that he isn’t, is telling her that she doesn’t have to respect you because he isn’t.
At this point, contact her and let her know if you find out shes said things about you in front of your kids that will be the last visit.
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I would just call her and ask to meet first to civilly come to an arrangement that is beneficial to your children but also protects them from and negativity or involvement in personal opinions/feelings.
If that can not be done look into third party supervision
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never put your kids in the middle of adult drama … you gotta talk.with your husband and see what is going on and it’s never to late to shoot a text to your in law … lay everything on the table , respectfully, and see where it goes
,
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Sounds like petty shit, life is too short.
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That’s his sister. Those are also his kids. He can have anyone he wishes around y’all’s kids. Not everyone is going to like everyone. I would remove myself from their secret meetings. The kids will figure out who’s cool and not.
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Um that would never happen in my home. If someone doesnt like you than they damn for sure wont get access to my kids. I’d talk to my husband. He is your husband. You come before his sister. His sister isnt his life partner. You are. He should not be allowing anyone to bad mouth his spouse and the mother of his children. That is unacceptable. To allow anyone to bad mouth your spouse is not ok. Nope not ok.
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There will be no “secret meetings”. Time to come to terms with each other. You guys are both going to be in his life. Time to let the past be the past, sometimes you have to be the bigger person and suck it up. It’s not easy, but is it worth being miserable over?
You should communicate with him and tell him your feelings. That said, you must submit to his final decision as your husband. Ephesians 5:22-32.
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You have the undeniable right to defend your kids against any enemy domestic or foreign. If your husband do not understand, get a divorce and change your address,
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This is all petty stuff. Your being petty. Might be nice to sort your differences out. It’s nothing major
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Nope. Hubby would have to get in line. If she can’t respect you or have a grown woman to woman talk than she will say nasty things in front of your kids about you. I could NEVER trust my kids around someone who threatened to get them taken.
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Clearly many of you are not even reading the whole post saying she’s petty or it’s no big deal. Will it be no big deal when someone threatens CPS on you for no reason?
Y’all are telling on yourselves. Lord save us from these incompetent, fucktards.
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Ya we’ll try having an ex daughter in-law n not be able to see or know your granddaughter
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Talk to her. Record it. Start writing down in a journal. The happenings.
Time and date.
She really sounds jealous. Isn’t she married? Have a man or a job.
Becareful NPDs will never stop.
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I’m sorry but they’re not just your kids. They’re his too. If you can’t build a bridge and let her see them, then the kids shouldn’t be the ones missing out.
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I would sit down with him and have a nice chat with him about all of you getting together and having a very nice adult conversation about the situation and put it all out on the table being family is not always easy especially when people make it so damn complicated and difficult to like and trust them
So she hasnt done anything to the kids, only you?? Kids deserve to see family as long as a safe environment… id cease contact if she was to say things about u to the kids n id warn her of this… but sounds like fight is between u and her so don’t punish the kids if they wish to see her
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You absolutely are not overreacting. How dare he go over your head
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No. I tell my s/o like you can have whoever you want in YOUR life, but toxic and negative forces will not be involved with the kids. We discuss everyone who we want to have around the kids and stay on the same page. Especially if shes openly bad mouthed people. Wont be a SOUL around the babies that are gonna bad mouth any of their parents.
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Everyone saying this is petty, you’re idiots. You are right, you need to sit down together you and her and sort this shit out. in the nicest way possible 'f*** your husband* he doesn’t need to be involved and for him to arrange secret contact is an actual joke…
Me and my exes sister never got on but we put the past behind us when I had my children and that is the reason she has contact , if she didnt grow up she wouldn’t have contact whatsoever. Some people will hate your children just because they are yours…
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You’re literally using your kids as pawns if she never did anything to your kids then she should be able to see them your relationship with her should not determine her being able to have a relationship with her niece and nephew especially of her and her brother have made up
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I agree with you . I think the kids should have their aunt in their lives but for your husband to be sneaky about it, I wouldn’t allow that either. I think you and his sister need to sit down and have a civil conversation. Let him handle the kids when they see her but you two should be on neutral terms so that nothing has to be hidden.
Oof. It doesn’t even matter if she is being petty (she’s not) because those are HER kids & he has no rights to do anything in secret or against her wishes. If the roles were reversed, would he be okay with it? My guess is no. I’m not about to let anyone around my kids that my husband isn’t okay with & he’s the same way. Regardless of the reasons she doesn’t want the kids around her, it is insanely disrespectful of her husband to go against her wishes & especially to do it in secret. Husband needs to be a man and tell his sister she can have an adult conversation with his wife if she wants to see the kids & that if his wife allows it, it will be on their terms, not hers.
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Just as shady and inappropriate as an affair
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She is family whether you two don’t like each other. Yes, stay away from her if she is toxic to you, but that is your husbands sister! Don’t come in between them because it ain’t going to turn out the way you want it to. As for the kids, they his children also. If she isn’t toxic to them let her have a relationship with them! That’s kinda petty of you to ask that of him. But I don’t know the full story, if she is toxic to them as well… then by all means cut her out.
You don’t have to like her and she doesn’t have to like you to be your kids’ aunt. I straight up can’t stand my kids’ aunt. But she is good to them. And they love her. They know we don’t get along. But I’ve told them that’s between me & her. As long as she’s a good aunt, that’s all I care about. STOP 
MAKING IT ABOUT YOU!
If she ever disrespects you or Dad in front of the kids, the one convo about respect then only allow supervised time.
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Sneak to one of the “meetings” and beat her azz.
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So, my best friend has sorta the same situation, except it’s her mother n law,
Anyways it used to bother her a lot! That she and her never really got along… so bad that when the bestie would hold holiday dinners the MIL would come, be RUDE AF! And the bestie would never say anything… until last year, a huge fight went down and finally the bestie told her husband there will be no more! If she wanted to see the children the husband had to take them, she was no longer invited to her home, for NOTHING!
The bestie just has to have faith that the MIL isn’t bad mouthing g her in front of her children and that the husband will stand up for her …
It’s hard, in any situation… but the way it sounds is there is a lot of hostility and no matter how hard you try it’ll never be better …I hope things work out for you 
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You’re not over reacting. Every one who is saying “don’t make it about you” is clearly not understanding the situation. Of course every situation is different, but it sounds like she’s immature and has no respect for you or your family. For that reason alone, I would not trust her around my kids without me being there. You’re job is to protect your children, and that includes protecting them from toxic behavior and making sure she’s not influencing the way your kids perceive you. This is all my opinion though…
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Nope I’d feel the same. I think it’s admirable that you’ll even sit down. He should help set that up so everything can be cleared up. It should matter to him that you’re comfortable and then you can enjoy the kid knowing each other too.
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Been there, done that. Best thing I could have ever done was block them on all social media. Hubby can go over whenever he wants to, but I was not going to subject myself or my kids to that drama anymore. After a very long time we are all cautiously reuniting. Their attitudes have seemed to finally changed and they know I’m not putting up with the BS anymore. Unfortunately their relationship with their granddaughter suffered from their attitudes over the years. They’ll never know what they missed out on either. 
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Call the cops on her and say she’s trust passing tell your husband it’s either her or the kids she ain’t to be in their life over the way she treats you if your kids are important your respect that I don’t want a toxic person in their life
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It is 100% upto you momma and your husband.
Family get cut off when they become a danger,and your doing the right thing.
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Your husband is problem #1.
He should never be comfortable going behind your back about yours and his children. That shows that he’s reliable just as much as his sister. He probably lets her bad mouth you if she feels comfortable enough to walk all over you. She needs put in her place and your husband needs to grow up. Its you, him, and your family not his sister and whoever. What a joke 
If you arent comfortable with ANYONE around your children then by all means your wishes should be respected. 
moms sense what’s best for their kids even if its not what everyone else wants or likes.
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You’re doing right by wanting to have a sit down conversation first. It’s likely though you and her won’t ever see eye to eye, but let it be known the first time you hear that she has spoken negative about you to the kids will be the last time she will have any interaction with them 
yours truly, Joanne in El Paso.
I’d be furious! If he’s telling you about it, but letting her think it’s secret, well, that’s one of the most disrespectful things I’ve ever heard of! It allows her to believe she’s in the right, and will propel her to treat you even worse!! Put him on the phone, girl! I’ll tell him myself!
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My husband’s loyalty is to me 1st and foremost… you have the right to cut anybody out. She should apologise to you and then when you’re ready, see the kids. Never get into family drama because they will make up but you’ll STILL be the bad guy.
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- They are YOUR children not hers so your marriage and your kids are something he chose and should consider first 2. You don’t have to allow anything your not comfortable with especially if it could reflect the children. 3. I think you and hubby need a sit down to set the boundaries clearly and he needs to set boundaries with her! Nobody should allow their family to bad mouth or be disrespectful to their spouse. Children first, marriage second the rest is gravy.
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Wtf … why isn’t your husband speaking up for you
You made vows with this man he should be by your side
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- Your husband should never feel comfortable disrespecting you! And that’s exactly what he’s doing here. His loyalty should be to you and your kids, not his sister.
- You don’t have to allow anything that makes you feel uncomfortable ESPECIALLY when it comes to your children.
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Don’t give a fuck .Toxic is toxic.She can’t respect you .She can’t be around the kids.Just because they family is bs.Thats just like saying “give them a hug” even though they don’t want to .because " they family" . That’s exactly what you’re trying not to teach. Its not ok to dismiss u an go behind ur back. No .she got mad over shit that had nothing to do wt her.You tried to explain that.She made her choice.Now she needs to stick wt it .an stay the fuck away from u an the kids. Your husband can do what he wants.away from u an wt out the kids.because any one willing to call or threaten CPS is not worth a spot in your life.
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They are his kids too. If he wants to take them to visit while he is there then that’s thier relationship. Your relationship is not thier relationship and shouldn’t dictate that. You should trust your husband to set boundaries with her about respecting you and treating the kids with respect. If you can’t trust your husband with the kids when he’s around his sister then you have marriage problems not SIL problems.
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Nope I wouldn’t want someone slandering me around my children either. So until she puts her big girl panties on an apologizes no. You don’t have to be friends but she has to respect u as thier mom keep her options of u to herself when the kids are around and u to can be cordial. So no your not wrong. I dont allow my baby at her grandparents for the same reason when we can apologize and be cordial of course but not until than. Especially when she said I was harrassing her and I was not so I cant go to her home so neither can my baby not without a set custody agreement between dad and I. Because if I were to go there demanding my baby which there is no room for her there or a place to sleep id be in the wrong so nope sorry im not sorry.
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It’s one thing to not get along
And have family squabbles, shit happens and it’ totally normal to an extent. But Id draw the line at her threatening to call cps on me and my family.
one don’t destroy yourself over a woman that is enjoying your suffering.
2 she could care less if she sees your kids.
3.and your husband has no respect for u for doing visits in hiding.
4. What ever you posted is not enough to destroy your family apart.
5.on the days he leaves with midst make that day hour mill time at a beauty salon make your self beautiful so when the get back you have the look I Don’t CARE.
do not lower your self to her level
Well there are 2 sides to every story n then there’s the truth right. Truth is he is dad and can have whoever he wants around his kid. But if she is harming ur child than u as a mom cal do what u need to do to ensure she doesn’t come around. U n dad need to get on the same page.
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Some of yall need to go back and read what she said…she never said her husband cant see his family…she never said their children cant see his family. The SIL was abusive and harrassing her. So she stopped that behavior. She asked for an adult conversation to be had before hand…thats all. She wants the opportunity to clear the air and set boundaries. Instead she was met with a “screw how you feel” from both of them. She is being silenced and thats not right nor is it an example she clearly wants to set for the children as the post that started the whole debate dictated. So no…if you cant act like an adult then you have no business being an example of one to mine.
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Sorry but u need to tell ur husband that she is not allowed around the kids and if he can’t back u up then it’s time to leave. Anyone that threatens to call CPS on u just cuz they don’t like u is the lowest piece of crap on earth and shouldn’t be allowed around ur kids
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No…you are not wrong and he should support you on this. Your only request is that she sit down and have an adult conversation with you. This secret meeting is bs. It shows you no respect in how you want to raise your kids. Which you and your husband should compromise and be on the same page on.
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Id let him take you kids to see his sister. Me And my sister do not get along. And have hardly talked in years. But I still let her see my kids. And I still see my niece. We don’t let our relationship get in the way of seeing each others kids though. It’s not fair to them.
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Sometimes we need to set aside our own feelings and just put children first. If the kids wants to see her and be around her great, if not, great. Let the kids decide. And being babies maybe she’s a good aunt regardless if she’s acting like a mental case. Sounds like your hus ands heart strings are being pulled for HIS children to see HIS sister and I feel like you and his sister need to just sit down and have a talk and leave everyone else out of it before itgreatfully affects your marriage then eventually rips your family apart. Over egos. Be the
bigger person… really sounds like she’s just jealous of your exsistence and taking her brother from her. If he is allowing her to act a piece of shit around them or run her mouth about his wife to his children then maybe throw him out.
Absolutely not!! You let your husband know YOUR kids aren’t going anywhere unless you say it’s ok, that is extremely disrespectful and wrong and dirty and what else Is he doing behind your back or planning? I’m sorry but thats gonna be a no for me and he needs to respect you. Yes that’s his family but once he married you you become number 1 priority not her
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Our children are ours on borrowed time let them have the love they deserve from family, as long as those family members do not speak ill of you to them.
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If they aren’t allowed around me they aren’t allowed around my kid end of story. If they a threat/issue to parent(s) they are a threat/issue to the kid(s)
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To each, their own but they are your children too and if she wants to act stupid cut her off completely you don’t have to have your children around anyone you don’t want at all I’m sure if the tables turn he would not be too happy say no and that’s how it has to be.
its 2 sides to every story …
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It would be different if you weren’t willing to have a conversation with her. Until then, no way. Your husband needs to respect your wishes. You know what’s best for your kids. Family or no family I wouldn’t let someone around my kids who has done that stuff to me.
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Ummm divorce. He clearly doesn’t care about you at all.
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If you want a convo…then you call her and say…geeeshh dont try to turn ur hubby against his family! And more importantly the more people to love your kids the better they off they will…get over your self! Family argue sometimes…dont waste ur life on stupid shit…life too dam short!
Yeah no way, you gave birth to them he did not. He can have an opinion but in the end you don’t fuck with or cross mama bear! Her toxic childish ass needs to grow tf up!
It has been over a year and a half since I have spoken to my boyfriends sister. He stands behind me in my decision to keep our daughter from the situation. It was difficult at first, but until she can admit to her wrong doings, we will keep to ourselves.
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If you are allowing your kids to decide who they love and let in their lives, why are you prohibiting them from seeing her and why do the meetings need to be secret? You don’t know what she’s going to say to them so until she messes up (if she does) be the bigger person and let them see their Auntie
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My sil greatly disrespected me, my husband too but I was the target. I told her if we had a genuine talk we could reconcile, she wouldn’t. Hubby and I both agree we don’t want to see her. I say it’s about you needing his support in this.
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Never make a man or woman choose between their family.
Your problem isn’t with SIL at this point. It’s with your husband. Y’all need to present a united front. Try to get on the same page with him
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I would never tell my husband that his sisters or family members can’t be around our children, regardless of the situation between myself and them. UNLESS my children were in danger for some reason. Otherwise I don’t keep kids from family and if my husband feels it’s safe and wants his children to see his fam, then thats his choice.
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Sit down and have a conversation with her then. You kept saying you want to. So what’s stopping you? They have moved passed what happened, you’re the only one that is holding onto it.
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Nope. I have a HUGE problem with that and it’s not about me!!!
She hates you not your kids tho? How old are your kids? I’d say it’s okay as long as your husband is there and the min you hear your child say something bad about you end it there.
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