My Sister-in-Law Constantly Trash Talks Me and My Family on Facebook: Should I Confront Her?

Relationships
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QUESTION:

"My sister-in-law is constantly posting stuff on Facebook in groups that are directly targeting me, my hubby, and my parents-in-law.

They are really horrible and nasty things, from judging our parenting to just plain old she wished she never had to see us again, yet she continues to play nice to our faces.

I don’t know if she posts them thinking we don’t see them because we aren’t apart of the same groups or not. But my question is, do I call her out? Or do I keep the peace?"

RELATED QUESTION: My Sister-in-Law Doesn’t Like Me and Actively Ignores Me: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“I wouldn’t even call her out. She doesn’t want to see you again? So stop talking to her and don’t invite her over. Just leave her new and go about your life.”

“Screenshot everything to get proof then call her out on those posts and in person, also send the screenshots to all members of the family in a group message with her.”

“I simply would say, ‘heeyyyyy. Saw your post on… I’m sorry you feel that way.’ That’s it. No more, don’t talk with her about it if she wants to, don’t get crappy. You called her out and kept the peace.”

“I would call her out because that isn’t right. My boyfriend’s dad’s girlfriend would talk about me behind my back and I eventually called her out on it. She would act nice to my face, but I would hear her call me names and I was tired of it. It’s better to stick up for yourself. Just because she’s family doesn’t give her the right to do that. I had to learn to stick up for myself and not let people talk about me.”

“Yeah, I’d definitely comment on the posts. Nothing crazy just a, ‘Heyyy, I didn’t know we were in the same group… and apparently, you didn’t either.’”

“Don’t get sucked into the drama at all. She’ll just feed off of it. The best “revenge” is to be super happy regardless of what she’s got going on. It’s not about you. She is the one with obvious self-esteem issues. Sad as it may be, she has to decide for herself how she’s going to deal with them.”

“‘I don’t know if she posts them thinking we don’t see them because we aren’t apart of the same groups or not.’ Which one of her groups did you join? Or who did you send someone else into her group to bring back intel? Red flag. Obviously, if she posted it on her Facebook you’d see it and she’d expect you to so obviously it’s being posted in groups. I’m with the sister in law. I mean she’s seeking advice online about her crazy family and you’re seeking advice about her online…it’s a family tradition. Go online and don’t talk to each other. Have a gif duel. Winner takes all."

“Just comment on the post. ‘You know we can see this, right?’ If it continues, unfriend and stop spending time with her. You don’t need that.”

“Does your partner know about this? Your husband is the one that needs to call her out. If he doesn’t want to, stop talking to her. She doesn’t need to know about yalls life. Stop telling her things about yalls life. I wouldn’t cut an aunt out of the kids life, but it’s also what you are willing to deal with. Your husband needs to stand up for your family, even if it’s against the family he grew up in. Take screenshots of everything you’ve seen so you have the proof. She’ll probably delete things as soon as one of you says something so then his/your family won’t believe you.”

“You should absolutely call her out, every single time.”

“Call her out. She’s a bully. Take screenshots first, so you have solid proof. I’m petty though, so I would screenshot everything and wait until the next time the family is together and she’s being all nice to everyone’s face… THEN I would call her out… with my proof.”

“I guess my question is, are you 100% positive that the posts are about you, or are you reading too much into it, or could the posts be true and it’s ruffling your feathers?”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

18 Likes
2

I would call her out because that isn’t right. My boyfriend’s dad’s girlfriend would talk about me behind my back and I eventually called her out on it. She would act nice to my face, but I would hear her call me names and I was tired of it. It’s better to stick up for yourself. Just because she’s family doesn’t give her the right to do that. I had to learn to stick up for myself and not let people talk about me.

5 Likes
3

Screen shot, send them to her husband. Then after it is addressed with him, call her out

1 Like
4

Call her out… she obviously feels she can’t talk to your family about issues… may be the only way you find out where she is coming from…

1 Like
5

I’d respond to her on Facebook, why do you smile in our faces while stabbing us in our backs on social media?

6

Clearly she’s jealous of you. Call her out. Ask her what her issue is.

7

Screenshot everything to get proof then call her out on those posts and in person, also send the screenshots to all members of the family in a group message with her🤷‍♀️

10 Likes
8

Screen shot them send them to everyone she is talking about and husband. Then straight up ask her why?? Then I would Seriously never go around her again avoid her at all costs her drama isnt worth time.

1 Like
9

I would call her out not on the page but in person. If she doesnt like you don’t go around her. No need to add negatively to your life. Family is what you make it. She doesnt sound like family to me

10

I would definitely call someone out who has an opinion on my parenting​:thinking::thinking:

1 Like
11

Fuck her. I wouldn’t even waist my time. Just wouldn’t be around her. Periot

12

Call her out, especially if she’s family. Family isn’t supposed to do that to each other, mine did it until I stuck up for myself

1 Like
13

Screen shot it and when everyone is together call her out on it. But be a better person this one time. If she keeps it up , beat her ass.

14

All you gotta do is screenshot the post then cut her off. Don’t say a word to her just move on.
When the day comes you got receipts

1 Like
15

Call her out. She’s a bully. Take screenshots first, so you have solid proof. I’m petty though, so I would screenshot everything and wait until the next time the family is together and she’s being all nice to everyone’s face… THEN I would call her out… with my proof. :facepunch:t2:

1 Like
16

I guess my question is, are you 100% positive that the posts are about you, or are you reading too much in to it, or could the posts be true and it’s ruffling your feathers?

3 Likes
17

Call her out and then put just because you post in on social media does not make it true

18

Definitely call her out

19

Call her the fuck out for being childish.

20

I wouldn’t even call her out. She doesn’t want to see you again? So stop talking to her and don’t invite her over. Just leave her new and go about your life.

23 Likes
21

“I don’t know if she posts them thinking we don’t see them because we aren’t apart of the same groups or not.”

Which one of her groups did you join? Or who did you send someone else into her group to bring back intel? Red flag. Obviously if she posted it on her Facebook you’d see it and she’d expect you to so obviously it’s being posted in groups. I’m with the sister in law. I mean she’s seeking advice online about her crazy family and you’re seeking advice about her online…it’s a family tradition. Go online and don’t talk to each other.

Have a gif duel. Winner takes all.

4 Likes
22

Sounds like a toxic beee

23

Join the groups then comment on one of her posts lmao

8 Likes
24

i have 2 sister in laws just like that always keeping drama going just let it go in one ear and out the other

25

Take screen shots and post them on your page with her tagged calling her right out on her bad behavior.

2 Likes
26

Screen shot every thing and Ignore tf out of her and carry on with your life. If she asks you then show her the screen shots and continue to ignore tf out of her. No one has time for petty ass shit. Life is too dam short for people like that.

27

Call her ass out, and stop talking to her. She is toxic and you don’t need her or her family in your life.

28

Take screen shots for proof then comment on it calling her out, tag the others that she is badmouthing so they know what she is doing.

1 Like
29

Not your fight to fight. Thats for your husband and his family to do. I think you are just a casualty of her war on her family. It happens a lot. I would block her and anyone who tells me, I would tell them I don’t want to know. At the end of it all, that’s your husband’s sister. You dont have to deal with her. He does.

2 Likes
30

Screenshot them , print them out and give the posts to the right people then just wait

1 Like
31

I simply would say, heeyyyyy. Saw your post on…I’m sorry you feel that way. That’s it. No more, dont talk with her about it if she wants to, dont get crappy. You called her out and kept the peace

6 Likes
32

Call her out then cut her out

33

Laugh react all the posts so she knows you saw them. Make her uncomfortable.

3 Likes
34

First of all, if she’s being two faced and acting like your friend when you see her then stop seeing her. If you don’t like seeing her talk badly about you or your family in social media groups, then leave those groups and find different ones. You’re both adults. At least one of you needs to act like it.

1 Like
35

I would say my Piece In Person. Then Block the Bitch.

36

I would call her out.

37

Share her post and see what happens lol and or comment

1 Like
38

Maybe she doesn’t truly feel that way maybe she’s just looking for attention from these groups

39

You tell her to stop talking shit or else

40

Join the groups…screenshot the comments and when she reaches out respond with a screenshot of her wishing to not have anything to do with you…dont put up with that…leave her be…and when and if she reaches out only reply with photos of her responses on facebook…nothing else. You dont and shouldnt want that toxic lying two faced drama in yours and your families life…so leave it outa your life.

2 Likes
41

I’d confront her, then I wouldn’t invite her ever again to a family function. Cut toxic people out.

2 Likes
42

Why do you care? Why are you stalking what she does on Facebook?

1 Like
43

Block them and move on. Toxic family will always be toxic. It’s better to cut ties and live your life and be surrounded by people who actually want to invest in your and your little families life than hold onto a relationship for the kids that’s toxic.

44

Being in a similar situation myself… my in-laws hate me and have said and done some extremely nasty things to and about me. But for my husband and kids sake… I still try to be nice when they come to visit. I’m still beyond pissed about the things they have said and done though. I’ve never gotten an apology from them. Probably never will either. I post comments on groups about the things they’ve said and done. But can’t bring them up in person because then I’m “the one causing problems” even though I’m trying to address problems that they started. Maybe think about her side of things too? I can’t speak for her… but in my case it is about keeping the peace for my husband and kids because my in-laws don’t come and visit often. I am however still allowed to be angry and hurt by the things they’ve said and done. Maybe it is the same thing with your SIL? Maybe talk to her (kindly) and find out how she feels and see what the problem is. I wish that my in-laws would allow the issues to be addressed without it turning into a whole family feud and an argument between me and my husband.

45

Block her!!! the end of the fight the end of the argument the end of the story!!! I’m very famous for blocking somebody. You don’t want me to see if you’re talkin about me on Facebook because most of the time you’re not even worth saying anything to. I mean think about it like that if they’re going to run their mouth like that are they even worse saying anything to you. Are they worth being on your Facebook? Are they worth being your friends even if it’s family? You’re looking at somebody who doesn’t have anything to do with two of her sister-in-law’s right now. And let me explain something don’t think it’s going to get easier as you get older one of my sister-in-law’s is 70 whatever years old and she will get on Facebook in a heartbeat and call you out and put you down call the cops to you call DCF on you. I have her blocked she cannot see anything about me say anything she cannot do anything. Now my life does not revolve around with my what sister-in-law does or says because I could care less. Lol

46

Screenshot it all and call her ass out. Boom!

47

CALL HER OUT. I don’t play with that crap

1 Like
48

Ok so I come from a very abusive family and until I did cut they out of my life fb groups were the only place I get ok talking about it. Also I have extended family that are hard core
Trumpers who are extremely immature and catty that I have brought up as examples and when I have to see them I am Pleasant to their face but not going out of my way to spend time with them. I am not saying you are the bad guy in this situation but I don’t know the exact situation. But after years of therapy and then finally standing up for myself I have come to find that narcissist complain about being complained about without thinking that they even did anything wrong.

49

Start liking the comments.

3 Likes
50

I would call her out. Then block her on all social media. You can’t control what she says , you can control how much you interact with her. Consider myself out of your life Sis in law… peace :v: out!!

1 Like
51

Is there any reason you can’t think of why shes like that?

52

Yeah, I’d definitely comment on the posts. Nothing crazy just a “heyyy, I didn’t know we were in the same group…and apparently you didn’t either” :joy::stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

6 Likes
53

But yeah block them too I did and the best thing I ever :rofl:

54

i say just start keeping ur distance. i try to avoid drama so i usually distance myself from everyone thats toxic like that. good luck. :slight_smile:

1 Like
55

I blocked my sister in law. And my “brother”. Couple of repeat felons and thieves. SIL loves drama and lives to lie and stir things up within the family. Stealing from my kids and trying to accuse me to my face and to anyone who will listen that I stole my own children’s items. I have to just laugh it off, so very ridiculous. It’s not worth it to let it get to you, wasted energy. I didn’t call her out until I heard her running her mouth about me and asked one question “does your mouth ever get tired if running?”. It led to events that got her and my “brother” out of my life, FINALLY. My family knows what went down between us and I get called a liar​:joy: it’s ok with me though, I already expect that. I had to learn to accept that I only have control of me. My life has been the best it could be after 33 years of hell. It’s hard to not feel anything, but it seems as though your inlaw might be toxic, bored, attention seeking, and/or just plain jealous. Either way, that’s her problem :blush: I wish you the best

56

Just comment on the post. “You know we can see this, right?” If it continues, unfriend and stop spending time with her. You don’t need that.

5 Likes
57

Not worth your time to call her out. Ignore her when you have to see her. Say hi and bye, nothing in between.

1 Like
58

Call her out!

And move on with life without her

2 Likes
59

Call her out and move on. If you guys have to be around eachother at family gatherings n such, just say hi and keep going.

1 Like
60

Don’t get sucked into the drama at all. She’ll just feed off of it. The best “revenge” is to be super happy regardless of what she’s got going on. It’s not about you. She is the one with obvious self esteem issues. Sad as it may be, she has to decide for herself how she’s going to deal with them.

4 Likes
61

Ignore her. Laugh at her behind her back smile at her like u no something she doesn’t. It will drive her crazy!!!

1 Like
62

You should absolutely call her out, every single time.

3 Likes
63

How do you even know they are about you for sure 2 how do you see what she’s saying if it’s in a group that your not in I’d definitely make sure your getting upset for a reason because it maybe you overreacting to something that ain’t even about you or maybe she was just upset and needed to vent people take FB to seriously nowadays unless you know for :100: it’s about you or she actually says something to you than you can be upset but even still pettiness like that is so stupid be an adult and rise above it and don’t join in on the pettiness

64

Call her out on it face to face in front of her and everyone else then cut her off

4 Likes
65

I’d definitely call her out. I probably wouldn’t be polite either. What she is doing is completely rude. If she has something to say she should say it to your face.

1 Like
66

Does your partner know about this? Your husband is the one that needs to call her out. If he doesn’t want to, stop talking to her. She doesn’t need to know about yalls life. Stop telling her things about yalls life. I wouldn’t cut an aunt out of the kids life, but it’s also what you are willing to deal with. Your husband needs to stand up for your family, even if it’s against the family he grew up in. Take screenshots of everything you’ve seen so you have the proof. She’ll probably delete things as soon as one of you says something so then his/your family won’t believe you.

2 Likes
67

Sophia Poulos fight night for me

1 Like
68

I would call her out commenting on her posts

2 Likes
69

No, you block her on everything and then when she is nice to you at family events just laugh right at her. Like so she is like wtf? :joy: she will catch on sooner or later.

70

Print out the posts you find and bring them to the next family dinner :woman_shrugging: confront her in front of everyone

4 Likes
71

OK I would play the long game. Take screenshots. Put them in a file out of the way. Don’t think about it. When there is a kick off, people like her there always is you have them there so it’s not your word vs hers. Does your hubby know?

2 Likes
72

I’d comment on the posts she’s writing, completely on her side :joy::joy: “yeah they sound like really shitty parents I’d cut them off” :joy:

73

Call her out then ban the bitch from ever getting anywhere near your family again and cut her off completely.

74

Barely spoken to my sil for 15 years . Could spend all day telling you all what she’s said and done . The kids telling me … mummy says we’re not allowed to stay at your house really got to me tho . They beg to stay over . My sil is a cunt and everyone allows it . That hurts the most but feel happy cutting her out

75

I would call her out tell her if she cant say it to your face then she shouldn’t be saying it at all

76

Why waste your breath

1 Like
77

I would tell her that everyone can see the messages and knows how she feels about the family. I Mean what is she talking about? What points is she bringing up? I always teach my kids to communicate and then distance themselves from family or friends before cutting everyone off. You will have to continue to see her. Is the relationship salvageable? If she is just a toxic person, I’d just call her out and block. But if you think this is coming from anger and resentment, I’d reach out.

78

Is what she writes true? If so then change it. If not I’d passively bring things up.

79

Call her out. I dealt with a similar situation with my husbands family. Super toxic comments made public some of them on my child’s ultrasound pictures posted on Facebook, baby shower photos, etc. Even comments about my family that were awful were made on Facebook. My family saw literally everything & I kept the peace for a long time to be the bigger person. My family was mad at me for not saying something to my husbands family sooner. They get used to feeling they can disrespect you & then it causes more issues & more disrespect. So you need to say something ASAP! If they don’t stop being toxic cut them off because you & your kids do not need to be around toxic & negative bs. That’s what I did & my husband 100% agrees with me just doesn’t want to get in the middle.

80

I’d print out the stuff she’s said and give them to her for Christmas in front of everyone :blush:

2 Likes
81

My daughter in law and her mom do the same thing to me.
I also don’t know what to do.
But I’ve got all of the screenshots!
I’m not allowed to see my 3 month grandchild either.