My Sister-in-Law Doesn't Like Me and Actively Ignores Me: Advice?

Relationships
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QUESTION:

"My husband and I have a 21-month-old daughter, and we live with his parents and siblings. I get along fairly well w everyone here… except his sister. Let’s call her Jan.

Jan and I got along pretty well when my hubby and I got married three years ago. However, I’ve noticed little by little, that has deteriorated. Right now, she won’t talk to me; she won’t look at me, won’t even sit at the same table as me. And I get dirty looks CONSTANTLY.

And yet she always gives attention and love to my daughter, has conversations with my husband, but for me? It’s like I’m not even there. But this eats away at me because I literally did nothing wrong. And it always feels so awkward… help."

RELATED QUESTION: Do You Get Along with Your Sister-in-Law?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“What does your husband say about the situation. I feel like he needs to talk to her and say at the end of the day, you’re his wife and the mother of his child and she will respect you. And if she has a problem she’s more than welcome to air it out now. I feel like he should be the mediator in all this. But make sure he’s on your side as he should be as your husband.”

“Sounds like too many people under one roof. There really isn’t a lot of info given. What is home life like? Do you help out with household chores? Cooking? Clean up after yourselves? I would say talk to her; communicate. Be glad that she loves and gives attention to your daughter.”

“Time to move out and move on. She probably doesn’t like you guys living there. Let her have her turf.”

“Maybe ask her what her problem is and go from there?”

“It sounds like you both need to be adults and talk to each other. Ask her what’s up. You have no way of knowing unless you do. You’re not a mind reader. Neither is she.”

“I’d ask her outright. Maybe she feels you aren’t helping enough or maybe someone said something. Best to ask outright.”

“Hmm… my thoughts personally, it seems like maybe your husband has said something about you to her OR you may have done something harmless but she didn’t take it that way, hence why you may not recall it. Communication is key in all relationships, just ask her. Might be awkward living with someone and not speaking to them. If it’s possible, I say it’s a good time to move out.”

“Maybe she’s one of those people who think you aren’t good enough to be part of her family or maybe she’s just plain jealous of you. It happens. Not everyone can be adult-like. Especially in today’s society.”

Have a response to this question? Leave it below to help a mama out! Or leave your own question and get responses from real moms!

READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

17 Likes
2

Just ask her what the problem is

5 Likes
3

Have you considered talking to her about it?

1 Like
4

You should ask to have a sit down.

2 Likes
5

What does your husband say about the situation. I feel like he needs to talk to her and say at the end of the day your his wife and the mother of his child and she will respect you. And if she has a problem she’s more than welcome to air it out now. I feel like he should be the mediator in all this. But make sure he’s on your side as he should be as your husband.

16 Likes
6

Get your own place away from that drama

15 Likes
7

Something happened to sour her on you. Two sides to a story

9 Likes
8

Hmmmm… Sounds like something is going on… I would tell her you feel like there is tension and you don’t know why but you want to be on good terms and have a happy environment for your kid… If she continues to act childish I would start saving up to move out.

9

Maybe ask her what’s going on? Or just ask if she feels like you’ve done something for things to change

10

Used to be the same with my kids fathers family. Was good at first then little by little it was always something. Get your own place honey. I know in times like this it’s hard, but it does help to get out there and get the process going.

11

Time to move out and move on. She probably doesn’t like you guys living there. Let her have her turf.

5 Likes
12

Not healthy for your child to see that treatment of you.

13

Sounds weird… maybe she’s jealous for some reason?

14

Maybe she doesnt like that a grown married woman with a 2 year old is still living at home with her boyfriends family

14 Likes
15

Just ask her right out if you did something that offended her

1 Like
16

Personally I would just get my shit and get out, but idk. That’s just me.

17

Grow up and get your own place

9 Likes
18

Move out, easy solution

7 Likes
19

I’d ask her what’s up.

1 Like
20

Maybe ask her what her problem is and go from there?

4 Likes
21

Sounds like too many people under one roof. There really isn’t a lot of info given. What is home life like? Do you help out with household chores? Cooking? Clean up after yourselves? I would say talk to her; communicate. Be glad that she loves and gives attention to your daughter.

7 Likes
22

Ask your hubby to dig for info

23

I say your hubby has told something maybe not true maybe it is. But usually its the family member that runs their mouths causing chaos.

2 Likes
24

Does she have kids of her own or a significant other?
If not she’s probably just jealous cause you have everything she wants to have

1 Like
25

Maybe because you say your daughter is 21 months and not 2 years old :thinking: :rofl::rofl:.

16 Likes
26

Better to leave and cleave . For me if I were in your place it won’t bother if she likes me or not . What’s important is im ok with my husband’s parents that’s all it matters . But for you to have a peace of mind get out of the house you don’t need such toxic one . Our world is full of negativity might as well choose to be HAPPY .

Smile , God bless . :slight_smile:

27

Try and save up enough to move out! Having your own place makes you feel so much better. You have your own space! Maybe she has jealousy issues? Anyways best of luck to you! Congrats on your baby. :slight_smile:

4 Likes
28

She is probably jealous of your relationship with her Brother and Parents.

29

Somebody has poisoned her mind.

1 Like
30

Just ignore her. My sister in law and I were best friends then she started dating and brother and now she treats me like I’m some trash.

31

How big is the house? The saying it is hard for two families to live under the same roof sounds like it may apply here. I mean yes, life gets hard at times but also when you have a family of your own trying to live with another family causes animosity with everyone. Is she doing all of the chores or are you all splitting it right down the middle? Who is doing the cooking? Is she or the mother and maybe she feels you’re not contributing enough… there’s so many factors that can cause this and you will never know unless you ask.

1 Like
32

Fuuuuck that bish​:rofl: you don’t need to please her or have her like you. Because in the end your family is your husband and child​:100::100::sparkling_heart:.

1 Like
33

Ask her. Communication is key

1 Like
34

Get your own place and then you wont have to worry about what others think

1 Like
35

Ask her what her problem is with you :joy::grimacing: break the ice cause if you don’t know what her intentions are then your gonna be stuck or even you could have done something to her that hurt her

36

I’d ask her outright. Maybe she feels you aren’t helping enough or maybe someone said something. Best to ask outright.

2 Likes
37

Has anyone else in the household noticed or said anything? How you approached her or family to see if they know what is going on? Sounds like she is probably a kid and being a parent myself, it can take very little to piss them off especially teens without ever knowing why. Communication and a willingness to listen will probably help. Then again it could be jealousy or some type of gossip regarding you upset. No matter what, you will need to ask her why.

38

Maybe she is acting the way ahe is because you and her brother are marries adults who live at home with his family and your baby.

4 Likes
39

Ohhh mine is the same way! I ignore it because I dont like her anyways. We have never had a particular fight or anything. But I always make sure to say her name and hi when she is around. Gotta kill them with kindness. :wink::rofl:

40

Do you get up n do some cleaning, cooking, etc. Laundry n so on.

41

Hm… my thoughts personally, it seems like maybe your husband has said something about you to her OR you may have done something harmless but she didn’t take it that way, being that’s why you may not recall it. Communication is key in all relationships, just ask her. Might be awkward living with someone and don’t speak to them. If it’s possible, I say it’s a good time to move out.

42

If you’re all adults then just ask her what the problem is so it can be resolved. Simple.

43

It sounds like you both need to be adults and talk to each other. Ask her what’s up. You have no way of knowing unless you do. You’re not a mind reader. Neither is she.

1 Like
44

Move out. Sounds toxic

3 Likes
45

Is she a teenager bc she sounds like a teenager lol… She may be frustrated with the lack of space and since you’re technically only family legally she’s taking it out on you and not her brother and niece.
Try talking to your hubby and her parents of you’re not comfortable bringing it up to her yet.

46

You need to just ask her. You can guess all day long but there’s no real way to know without asking. It could be a misunderstanding or a million other things. Ask so you can fix the problem, if there is one. If your husband knows about this and says nothing I’d be upset with him too. He should take up for you and that is pure disrespect on his part and hers.

47

Just ask her if you have done something to upset her and see what she says.

48

Sounds like he been confiding in her and she sees his point of view BC the apple domt fall far from the tree. But maybe you need to take a girls day just you two and yall need to talk about some stuff. Thats family and no matter who beomg childish or who did what, suck it up and TRY to make the first move to healing that.

2 Likes
49

You THINK you did nothing wrong. Be an adult and ask her.

19 Likes
50

Talk to her. It could also be issues with you and her husband and she is taking her brothers side.

2 Likes
51

Sit that girl down & ask her wth wonan to woman

2 Likes
52

I’d start by getting our own apartment.

17 Likes
53

So, be an adult and ask her what the problem is and what you guys can do to fix it.
My sister in law and I can’t get along anymore. We used to perfectly fine, we were like sisters…then I found out she had been talking about me behind my back and telling lies and stealing from me. Now I won’t even acknowledge her. But I adore her kids and treat them like my own. It’s life, sometimes you just can’t be friendly to someone.

2 Likes
54

Hold her accountable for her actions and ask her. This seems like a difficult thing for you and I totally understand. But dont let someone else make you feel way.

55

Maybe the house is too crowded

1 Like
56

It doesn’t matter. Not everyone is bound to like or admire us. What matters is our own behavior with Allah and His commandments. The person who does not like you no matter what reason talk to that person for once and communicate. Still if he or she continues to be stubborn ignore and move on.

57

If there isn’t any way that she will talk to you. And do reach out to her first. Ask your husband to talk to her and tell her that he loves you both and that this is very hurtful to him.

1 Like
58

Ask her in front of ppl if she’s ok when you get those looks ect talk to her,

5 Likes
59

I would confront her and see what the problem is. Maybe it’s an easy fix. If that doesn’t go well, it’s your husband’s job to let her know she needs to respect you.

5 Likes
60

Confront her :woman_shrugging: only way to solve a problem

8 Likes
61

Shame on your husband for letting her treat you that way

12 Likes
62

Same with my bros girlfriend. I tryed and tryed with her but now Im not because now my brother is distant and we arent close anymore

63

Don’t live with family.

26 Likes
64

Jan was always jealous of Marsha :joy:

1 Like
65

She obviously has something against you! Either your husband or MIL are in her ear about something, or for some reason she just grew this bad opinion about you. I’d say speak with your husband, he would know her better than you and might be able to help work things out!

66

Definitely confront her.

1 Like
67

I’ve heard of this happening when the husband tells them stories that aren’t true or if the sister just has decided they just don’t like you for some reason. Not saying either are your case, but either way she should be grown up and say what she’s thinking. You can’t fix a problem you don’t know you have.

5 Likes
68

Quick question have u been living there since u got married 3 yrs ago?

3 Likes
69

Does she have kids off her own? She might be jealous.

1 Like
70

I would confront the feeling

71

Have you asked your husband at all? I feel like he should know something is wrong by now and should ask his sister what her problem is if he hasn’t already. Or if you’re close enough with your MIL you could ask her if theres something you’ve done to rub her the wrong way and how to go about fixing the issue.

1 Like
72

I’m in the same boat! After 11 years I’ve decided I’m done caring. There’s only so many times you can apologize and still act the same way… it is very uncomfortable when she is around even more so with a baby involved.

3 Likes
73

Mayb sh thinks ur lazy mayb sh don’t like th way u treat her brother ?? U won’t know until u ask lol hit her up

2 Likes
74

You THINK you did nothing wrong. Be an adult and ask her.

4 Likes
75

Why do you care? Stop wasting your time AND MOVE OUT.

4 Likes
76

I would ask her. But that’s me :woman_shrugging:t2:

2 Likes
77

My sister in law isn’t a fan of me either but Thank heaven I wasn’t put on this earth to please her! Her shit doesn’t stink, her kids do no wrong blah blah blah. I let it go. I only have to be around them for the holidays and could care less what she thinks

4 Likes
78

You are married with a kid, move out!

Be an adult, get your own place and ya ain’t gotta worry about dirty looks.

9 Likes
79

Just be straightforward with her and ask what her problem is I don’t get along with one of my sil either & it’s no secret but we have respect and just don’t talk to each other if not needed to keep the peace but I will tell you this you cant expect everyone to be your bff but at least you can find a common ground so its not awkward

80

Okay so I’m like this with my SIL… I wouldn’t say I hate her… but she is not a good person, and I wish she wasn’t in our lives. She lives with ONE of her kids, her parents and sister, and thankfully her brother (my husband) and I do not live with the lot of them. I don’t look at her, talk to her, sit in the same room with her or even acknowledge her existence if I don’t have to. But she and everyone else knows why. So maybe you should ask?

81

As long as she treats your child good and her brother good don’t let it bother you. Some people just don’t vibe and thats ok

2 Likes
82

I would just talk to her and be like what’s going on here ? And see what she says. She’s upset about something.

83

Is she particularly close to husband? As in close enough to be the person he complains to about you to. He should know what she’s mad about and it may be as simple as you just get on her nerves. Too many adults in one house can turn good relationships into a mess, you should talk to her and probably should have your own house or apartment since y’all have your own family you need your own space.

84

Yeah I’m sure she has a reason; just ask her. Maybe it’s time to move out.

85

Move out … I know it’s not that simple unless you are saving or in another reason why you live there ? If not movenlive your life and be worried free of who thinks whatever they think …

86

Pull her to the side and ask her what’s wrong.

87

Something been said & she’s not happy … I would confront your sil too hear what and correct what it is

88

Your only family is your husband and your child. His family should be the least of your worries. My opinion families never clicks anyways that’s why you start your own and move on but that’s just me :tipping_hand_woman:t4:

3 Likes
89

Why are you still living with the family?

4 Likes
90

I can almost guarantee it’s because you live with them. Even though her brother has every right to be there in her eyes, you don’t. Everyone is getting older and wants their own space. Move out and she will become your BFF.

1 Like
91

My sil and I do not like each other at all. Ik why she doesn’t like me, and I have my reasons why I can’t stand her. We don’t talk anymore and only talk to my bil. Other than that I could care less.

1 Like
92

If you ask her be prepared for an answer you might not want to hear. My brother had girlfriends live with us that were easy enough to get along with until they moved in. They treated him poorly, were terrible mother’s, lazy and never helped around the house. Maybe she’s just an asshole, but if you ask you might not like the answer.

2 Likes
93

Kill her with kindness !

94

Just ask her. Have a private chat.

95

Cut her off and move out. You grown

1 Like
96

Approach her and ask her outright if she has an issue with you.

1 - she does and can explain it to you like an adult
2 - she does and doesn’t tell you, but you address the elephant in the room - her passive aggression
3 - she doesn’t and it may be a miscommunication

You deserve respect no matter the outcome.

4 Likes
97

I would ask her. If she says it’s because your living with his family the tell her she should be mad at her brother because as the man it’s his job to take care of his wife and child. If it’s something else I am sure you could work it out. It maybe just jealousy that you are taking her brother from her or that she wish she could live back at home. Who knows. If she cannot give a good answer it maybe just immaturaty

98

Big girl panties on and ask, What good is any of our speculation?

99

Story of my life! I’m in same position, it would upset me that much I offen cried about it but I’ve come to realise I don’t need her or her family and I’m a much better person then what she will ever be.

2 Likes
100

Specifically talk to her and say her name if she ignores you ask why if she still ignores you tell her how you feel given the situation she might not be talking to you but she hears you. And if she keeps doing or If you dont want to be straight forward or confrontational avoid her too.