My sister is in a terrible relationship, what can I do?

My sister and I got into a disagreement about her boyfriend he was doing drugs he mentally abuse her i didn't understand why she wanted to be treated that way they were engaged trying to have a baby together 7 months split for 6weeks then she got back with him they started back were they left off in the relationship engaged trying to have babies it's being almost 8months since our disagreement now I'm finding out my sister is 7 months pregnant she talked to me like as there was never a problem asked how I was and asked to see my baby I have no clue how to react or what to say I'm also hurt I wanted better for her .. the boyfriend already has two kids he don't take care of my sister says they aren't his but pics say other wise and I feel so horrible for that sweet baby I know for sure he hasn't given up drugs either.
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Coming from someone who was the same as her, there’s nothing you or anyone can do until she decides for herself enough is enough. I was with my ex for 7 years total, the last 3 years he got into drugs. Made my life a living hell. We had a son, I got pregnant with my daughter went through her pregnancy alone. And I’m now pregnant with our 3rd going through another pregnancy yet alone. It’s a trauma bond… I broke through mine and could never be better. I’m not gonna say it’s easy because it isn’t. But she will grow tired and leave.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My sister is in a terrible relationship, what can I do?

Have them do a welfare check

No matter what we want for someone we can’t make them choose the same. We have to let them live their lives the way they see fit. In time they will learn that the if the relationship is toxic they will get out of it. Keep your relationship with your sister but her relationship with her bf. We all need family no matter the situation

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Worry about your sister. Be there for her. Support her and her child. Because when she’s finally fed up and needs an escape, it’s easier when she knows she has someone she can count on.

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Mind your business and be supportive. She’s a grown ass adult. :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

Listen I understand your concern but for people who have been abused do not ask for it or want to be treated like they are being treated. You just need to be there for her that’s all you can do. She’s brainwashed by him more than realize and he’s got her so wrapped around his finger that she can’t even think for herself either. The only way she’ll leave is when she hits rock bottom with this guy

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Ur sister needs to RUN!!!

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Not your place.
Love her from where she is.
Let her fall if she must♥️
And then be there, always.:crossed_fingers:t5::woman_shrugging:t4:
What else can we do, she isn’t going anywhere until she wants to

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Just be her sister. Forget the man. Let her make her choices and be there for her when she needs to be picked up from rock bottom. Anything else will damage your relationship because she’s going to do what she wants to do

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As a child I grew up in this. But my mom was being physically abused also. I have learned the battered person will only leave when they are truly ready for a change and leave everything behind. Be her safe house or have a designated place for a safe house even if it’s for a night. Be there for support but don’t ask any questions.

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Oh boy, all the memories.
It started with my mom, then both my sisters followed in her foot steps of picking horrible men who used them, cheated on them and abused them.
I let them know I loved them and would be there when they hurt them again. But I set big boundaries.
I don’t give money or loans. I will not enable drug use or bad behavior.
They were not allowed at my home, or family functions, or around my kids at all. If my kids stayed the night with my closest sister, her boyfriend could not be there.
I said I refuse to expose my kids to an abuser!! She said well I feel Like I’m in the middle!
I said no you put yourself there by choosing to go back to a piece of shit who won’t change.
I can’t make you see the truth untill you learn tour own worth, are ready to put yourself first and set real boundaries. Butt I’ll always be there to pick up the pieces!

As someone that just left a familiar situation you have a right to be upset when she knows the time is right she will leave and when she does accept her with open arms because she will need all the support she can get and if she don’t get it she may go back to a situation that she shouldn’t be in.

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The best thing you can do is to be there for her & support her because she’s not going to see his true colors until she’s ready to nor will she leave until she’s had enough & ready to.

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Honestly all you can do is answer that phone when she calls!!!

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You can only control what you do. Back off and if she wants to change her life support her. You don’t have to engage

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Honestly, I know it’s your sister but it’s not your business… you cannot force her to break up with someone or get “unpregnant” if you keep bringing it up you’re going to push her away further.

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Just be there for her. She will see it sooner or later and will come to you when she’s ready to leave

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My sister was in a crap marriage and no matter what I did or said she stayed until she wanted to leave. It took over 13 years

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My sister is in a terrible relationship, what can I do?

Sometimes you just gotta be there for them even if you disagree. One day she will wake up and need a shoulder to cry on. No matter what you do or say will just push her away. She has to be ready to leave him for good until then she won’t listen and you will just be the bad guy.

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Keep in close contact because if hes using and she knows, at some point someone will call DCFS and the baby will need to be placed. They usually look at family members first.

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You can’t do anything really…
Either be there and support her. Or don’t :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Her relationship is not yours just as yours is not hers. So love her support her and let her live her life. Be there when she needs you listen and encourage. She doesn’t want to her how bad you think he is . :heartpulse:

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You can’t MAKE her do what you want when you want her to. I completely understand you love her so much, and only wants what’s best. You need to be there for her. It will take some time. If he is mentally abusing her then that’s why she’s so out of it, and acts like nothing happened. I also understand that being there for someone in that type of relationship is exhausting. Be there for her, but don’t let it take your energy. You have to let her come out of her slumber, and I hope eventually she will.

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Just keep loving her. Try to be there for her when you can. Don’t abandon her because without you the chances of her ever leaving for good are much smaller.

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To be honest… there is nothing you can do. She has to end it.

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Mind ya business she will reach out when she is ready.
Trying to force relationship advice on some one who doesnt want to hear it is wasting your own time

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Could be a trauma bond… or she still sees the good somewhere in him and just keeps telling herself one more day and he will snap out of it… been there did that… it’s a very hard cycle to break… just be there when it does…

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She’ll learn from her mistakes. There’s nothing you can really do

You can’t do nothing. She’ll leave when she gets tired. All you can do is be there for her.

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It seems like she’s in the denial phase that goes along with abusive relationship…been there and done that…don’t push her to do anything but keep close…she will leave once she’s to the point of accepting it’s not going to change and it’s not her fault he behaves the way he does. But do not confront him about it and if it gets to the point you think it’s life and death call the police…especially if he’s using drugs. Her and her baby’s safety is more important than her being mad at you about it.

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Shes reached out to you, stay friends and in her life, keep your opinion to yourself as she’s going to need you but she has to find out for herself its really hard I know but the only way

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It’s so sad that a child will be brought into the world under the unprecedented times. She’s reaching out because she needs you. I know it’s hard I’ve been there my sister seen my situation and wanted me out if it. For the sake of the child the best way to help is to get your sister away from this guy the best way possible. He’s probably controlling her and brain washing her using her fir money and a place to live. Ughh this is a very scary situation with drugs comes so much abuse violence and fear. If you can help her in anyway just talk listen ask her what her plans are. Just for piece of mind. Most of the time you have to be ready and have had enough of the vicious cycle to end it. Even if she’s acting as if she’s ok still be able to keep open communication. I’ve been there and it took me a decade to see through my sisters eyes. She needs support your support. He’s probably stressing her out and I can only imagine what she’s going through with the baby daddy. I’ll keep her in my prayers. I hope you both can reconnect and see this through

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Honestly there’s nothing you can do. Keep your opinion to yourself and don’t give advice unless she asks for it. Just be there for her so if she finally decides for herself she wants to leave, she has some support

Some people’s views on abusive relationships are just lax.

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Unfortunately we all have to
Learn the hard way sometimes.
Having a child will mature her needs real quick

Once she has her baby she will see things differently eventually. There is nothing you can do to open her eyes. Has to be done herself. It’s hard to watch but she doesn’t see what you see.

I was with someone like that for 7 year. I have two beautiful children with him. He got in to drugs really bad i did too. I was young and dumb. Didnt want to listen to anyone because i didnt want to give up on him. But i did after 7 year and to kids later. Now im clean been clean for 6 years now. Im with someone that love me and my kids. So it up to your sister in this relationship. It could work out for the best. But i wouldn’t pressure her in leaving. Just let her know your there for her if she needs anything.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My sister is in a terrible relationship, what can I do?

By the way, stats say it takes someone 7 times to leave an abuser before they leave for good. It took me two times. Educate

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All you can do is be there for her no matter what she chooses. Otherwise you will lose your sister in the process

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Stay out of it if you value your relationship with her. She’ll have to come to grips with that on her own. And the harder you push the further you’ll push her into his arms. Abuse is tricky…9/10 he has her thinking he is the only one that truly loves her. Look out for her well being of course but don’t push her off the deep end because it’ll end badly for everyone if you do.

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Understand trauma bonding. It is real and hard to get out of. Have her back when she leaves she will leave again. Do your research narcissism understand how hard it is to get out understand how much the person goes through during and leaving. Learn the terms like love bombing, hovering, devalue, discarding, gaslighting ( a big tactic they use) flying monkeys, and trauma bonding. Encourage no contact or low
contact. Stop saying you should leave. Start saying I understand. When your ready I’m here. Take it from someone who has been there this helps more than anything else. My dad waited 8 years for me to leave my relationship when I was with my ex. Best thing I have ever have done but also the hardest toughest choice I ever had to do. Also this is the hardest time and highest risk is for them to leave. Understand everything and when she leaves again educate her. If she goes back at least she will recognize the tactics and the different tactics that narcissists use, then she will think and leave again and hopefully it will be the last time. Be supportive and understand what she is going through. You want to “help” her quit disagreeing her with and start understanding her and in order to do that you have educate yourself and understand it. Then you can help her. I’m sorry for the rant but I understand what it is like I understand what means to leave. Personally I’m getting fed up with the oh you should have left sooner or the why didn’t you leave. Or have the both you join a support page on narcissism. Or just her at least she will have people that understand her and have been in her situation. I don’t mean this an attack im fed up and frustrated with people not understanding the situation. Understand. Don’t assume if you haven’t been in the situation and actually know what it is like at least try to understand it.

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The more you push the more she may back away from you and more toward him. You’ve already had a big disagreement about her relationship, if you love her just be there. The baby she’s having will need you in his/her corner. If you know for a FACT something is happening after the baby is born then get help and get the baby removed from the home. See the officials you need to see and be willing to keep the baby with you. But maybe after she has the baby she will wake up. Shes your sister but the safety of the baby is priority.

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Be her rock, her confidant, be that someone that she can turn too no matter how many times things go wrong. Stick with her and help her pick up the pieces if/when things end :purple_heart:

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Best thing for you and your family *your baby
Leave her alone, you don’t need the negativity and drama in yalls life or drugs.

If she decides to leave him for good. Get her far away from him and make sure she cuts her ties for good.

Stay out of it set your grounds, I know you said she wants to see your child invite her over and it can only be her coming no one else and tell her why, your child doesn’t need to see that, be honest about it.

She’s put the disagreement behind her and you should too. All you can do is continue your relationship with your sister and be supportive and loving. If her boyfriend hasn’t changed it will eventually become apparent to her and she’ll have to make her own call as to whether or not she chooses to stay with him. Don’t let him be the reason for a rift between you and her.

Get yourself to Alon the support group of addicts and try and get your sister to go with you.

You have different lives, you don’t have a clue about how bad her situation probably is, nor does she…your job is to support her when she does leave, she will once she has someone that she loves more than herself

An argument 8 months ago… But holding on to it still. Let it go. Be there for her. Don’t allow him if a drug user .

Mind your own business and wait it out… She’ll figure it out. Listen and stop putting your two cents in… When she vents don’t say anything besides omg, oh geesh, oh my, are you ok? Open ended questions

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Mind your own BUSINESS

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My sister is in a terrible relationship, what can I do?

Learn about how to support someone in an abusive relationship ie maintain a friendship by continuing to reach out and be a safe space for her, and how trauma bonds happen. People in a abusive relationships usually take longer to recognize it, you know it’s wrong but you’re trauma bonded.

I guess I’m trying to say learn about the psychology behind abusive relationships and be a person she can rely on unconditionally, even if you don’t agree with her choices.

That way when/if she is ready to leave she knows you will support her. Alienation only drives her towards him; especially if it’s related to him.

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I’ll never understand why people think having a baby in an unstable relationship is the answer.🤦

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Unfortunately nothing u can do. She is gonna do what she wants. Just be there when it feels apart

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She needs your support. You can’t help someone until they’re willing to help themselves unfortunately.

Simply, there’s nothing you can do. She chose this , and apparently continues to, and until she’s fed up and done with said man, there’s nothing you can do right now. However when/if things crumble she’s gonna need your support. So you haven’t got to agree with or like her decision but you can still be there to help her when she’s ready.

Currently going through this with my best friend. And all I can say is. This is out of your hands, she will make the decisions that she wants to, just be there for her when she asks for you.

Nothing u can do until SHE is ready to leave for good hopefully before or after she has her baby she will realize what kind of man he is and leave but until she’s ready there is nothing u or anyone else can do to get her away or to change her mind

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Just be there for her and support her. Maybe get her some information about domestic violence and share it with her. Don’t force it or you may end up pushing her away for good.

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There’s nothing you can do! Just be there emotionally for her and the baby

She’s just gonna have to learn this one the hard way…

Nothing you can do. All you’re doing is pushing her away.
She has to want to leave. She doesn’t want too. Just be there when she calls you to pick up the pieces if that ever happens.
It’s her life…not yours. “I wanted better for her” stop living through your sister. Let her make her own mistakes.

All u can do is be there and when time comes she need u more then ever xxxx

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Agreed. You have to let her learn for herself. Just be her biggest support when that times comes.

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You can’t rescue someone who doesn’t want to be rescued. She will leave when she’s done.

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Some people just don’t think they deserve more. Some people just think they can change them. Some people just don’t think they will find anyone else and some people just don’t want to start over or leave what is familiar even if it sucks. Give her love and encouragement, be honest and open and it she doesn’t want to hear the honesty then tell her not to tell you about things

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Love her. You can’t make her choices for her. Just let her know your there when she’s ready to finally leave. I look back and am ashamed at the pain and hurt I caused those I loved by making that choice. They felt like you. They were mad at me because they wanted better for me and didn’t understand why I stayed. Neither did I…but at the time I just felt like they were against me. Not him but me. And I had to make the choice to leave. Noone could do it for me. Noone could make me stick to it. But I knew that when I did…I’d have support. And I eventually did it.

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As someone whose been the sister in this situation, just be there for her as best you can. She won’t leave until she’s ready. Being abused, it really messes up your head and forms a trauma bond with your abuser. Leaving them, you literally have to mentally withdrawal from your addiction to them and not everyone can do it. So, just be there for her as much as she will allow you to be and hopefully she leaves before it’s too late.

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Y’all are adults I’m assuming, so you should know a person is going to do what they want and the opinion from anyone doesn’t matter , he’s only doing what she’s allowing him to do so let her figure it out on her own since that’s her relationship :woman_shrugging:t2: I wish I would let what someone else has going on affect me :-1:t4:

He’s already in her head if she saying “it isn’t his” lol

Have a safety plan for when she’s ready to leave. All be kind to her, when she wants to leave she needs support.

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let her know you love her and be ready. she won’t leave until she’s ready. watch for child abuse

Some people just have to learn the hard way. Been there, done that. Just be there to love and support her.

You cannot make your sisters choices for her. Don’t try. Just love her.

All you can do is just keep a relationship with her and be there. It is her decision to stay or leave a relationship.

If he’s doing drugs he’s passing it onto his baby

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Support her love her bc most likely she deals w him bc she doesn’t love herself enough to leave but everyone has a breaking point. Pray n ask God to change her heart so she quits loving him n starts loving herself. Then be there for her. Let her know ur there whenever she’s ready.

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From experience, I wanted him to change, I was delusional and thought I had the tools to help him change. I was warned and nagged for years to run, I never did. But the time came when I was like “fuck this” and left. I needed to make up my own mind. Now, I’d rather shit in my hands and clap then be in the same room as him.

You mind your business and let your sister learn the hard way. When the relationship fails, you do not tell her you told her so, you just take her in your arms, tell her that you love her and help her figure out her next step. We don’t always make the best choices for ourselves, but that’s how we learn.

mind your business, I had a sister that didn’t speak to me for 5 years and what brought us back was cancer, she lived 2 years, let go and let God

This needs punctuation to be readable.

Just be there for her is all you can do. She needs to figure this out for herself. She has chosen this life for herself. There’s nothing you can do except be there for her and be supportive.

Sadly you can’t do a thing…just be there to support her when she eventually leaves the relationship and please…never say I told you so. It wont help

Ain’t nothing you can do , she is grown and is going to do what she wants. Now you have to decide whether or not you are going to be around when she needs you. What ever choice you make is fine too because you are also grown.

It does sound like a terrible controlling relationship… With her own sister :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes: do her a favor and leave her alone. Look at your own life. Don’t point fingers unless you know your hands are clean. I can gurantee yours arent.

Be a good sister and be there for her! Stop thinking you know what’s best for her.
If ya keep pushing him out she will go to and when she needs someone she won’t run to you.

When she is ready to admit that the relationship is terrible just be there for her, and try using some punctuation next time you post.

I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years with 2 kids and unless you’ve ever been in one you will never understand it. Don’t judge she will realize one day that it’s not what she wants for her and her baby and chances are he won’t be there for that baby either but shit is what it is. You have to mind your own business and keep your mouth shut unless she asks for advice.

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She doesn’t “wanna be treated like that” she’s in an abusive relationship. He has control over her. And her mind. Inserting your opinions, and advice only pushes her away. And saying the way you feel about her boyfriend, does that too. All you can really do, is be there for her. And be there when she is ready to finally leave him. Which one day, she will. You’ll never fully understand an abusive relationship, unless you’ve actually been in one. And not on the outside looking in.

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People need to be able to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Tell her your worries because you love her and don’t think he’s treating her right or making a safe and healthy environment for her but you respect her as a grown woman and want her to know you love her

You can’t make choices for other ppl, only support them when they don’t work out.

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Have a relationship with your sister. If he’s mentally abusing her then he probably tries to cut her off from family too. If this is true and she reached out anyway she is already starting to snap out of it and probably testing the waters to see what kind of support system she has/build a support system so one day when she is strong enough mentally to leave, she will have her plan in place. Also know this means you are a part of said plan. Be prepared.

She’ll see that a baby isn’t a band-aid for a broken relationship and eventually want better for her child. Just be there in case you’re the only one she can trust to help her out of that relationship. Also be there just in case someone needs to make sure the baby is being taken care of and that the boyfriend doesn’t hurt the child.

Be there for her is all you can do. Abusers do their best to isolate their victims from everyone so they have nowhere to turn.

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