I have a question. My sister, who recently had a baby, found out I was pregnant. We have been talking more lately and not even asking her ANYTHING about baby advice; she just gives it. Mind you, its not so much advice as do as she did because somehow she became an expert with only having one kid. (He’s 2ish by the way and has a lot of issues from her not knowing what she’s doing). I cannot talk about my baby without her constantly interrupting me to say she did this, or she bought that, or this made her kid break out in a rash so my kid will too. She won’t let me even seem happy about being pregnant for 5 minutes without making it all about her AGAIN. She’s my sister, and I want my kid to know his cousins. What should I say without hurting her super sensitive feelings? She gets upset incredibly fast when there is a disagreement, and I’m really trying not to fight or stress out over drama. Yes, I love her but holy cow; she is very, very pushy.
It’s normal. I’d say get use to it. You will receive tons of unwanted advice from everyone. Everywhere you go for the rest of you parenting days. Lol
My sister can act like she knows it all too, but I just smile thank her for the advice. Doesn’t mean I’ll take it half the time
Does it really bother you that bad to say something? Yes there are people who think they know it all but who cares what she says. Just because her baby did this or that doesn’t mean yours will. Every single baby is different. So let her tell you whatever and when your baby comes you do whatever you want. I totally get what you’re saying though. Cause that would drive me nuts but brush it off. I mean if you need to say something just tell her you don’t need her advice. Everyone will give you advice.
Honestly she probably dont have anyone else to talk to all this about
…I’d be happy she feels comfortable enough to talk to you about all this and eventhough shes not an “expert” it never helps to listen because none of us are experts lol. I understand where your coming from but shes probably just happy she can relate to another human being on a personal level
Thank her for the advice & tell her u will think about it
People do that to me everyday. I either just tell them to stop or just deal with it. It’s your child and you will do what you think is right at the end of the day. I guess I kinda ignore it . That’s what family and friends do hahaha.
I would just not spend as much time with her,
Well that’s how I am with my first.lol. chalk it up as loving the process and experience of being a mom. Maybe she has some good tips to take into consideration instead of completely being annoyed by her.
I’m not someone who wants someone trying to tell me how to raise my kids regardless of if they have kids so I’d say. “Okay, if I want your input on what to do, I’ll ask.”
“He’s 2ish … and has a lot of issues from her not knowing what she’s doing” damn good thing you love your sister
I’m sure your kid will be so much better since you know best and will know exactly what to do gtfo be glad she’s sharing cause I can guarantee you at least one of those advices will come in handy
I always told everyone from the day I got pregnant till even after my daughter was born. That I will gladly listen to your advice but doesn’t mean I’m gonna do it . If they insist I do it then the odds of me doing it is even less. It worked for me so far I get advice here and there but not as often as I thought. I also always said that I’m glad I had nieces and nephews before I had my daughter so it gave me some practice and lesson that normally shuts them up too lol
She’s just trying to be helpful.
“Hey this worked for us, maybe it would work for you too” really isn’t anything to get petty about.
It’s her personality, she’s excited and wants to offer what she knows. Just hug her
Chill out bitch. Take advice and understand that you might think you know everything but your sister does have a child and you don’t yet. So keep up ur bad attitude and see what that’ll get you. Nobody wants a mom who thinks their way is perfect and if you aren’t open to hearing family trying to communicate with you HAA!! Good luck
Just nod and ignore
Ignore it or just tell her you want to explore pregnancy childbirth on your own no two pregnancies are alike
She is trying to help that’s all as she has done it x just smile x
Honestly it sounds like you are being judgemental of her by saying its her first and he has a lot of issue from not knowing what she’s doing. I think if you respected her, her offering her opinion wouldn’t bother you as much.
I’m really sure her kid has issues because she is a new mom and learning like all other new moms do
Get over yourself. You WILL need help and you’re going to push everyone away before your baby is even here. Then you’ll come back on here complaining that no one in your family helps with your kid.
Just listen and nod and do what u want to do
Just say " I got this!" and thank her for her advice however annoying it may be every time.
Just thank her for the advice and move on. You will get unwanted advice from the entire planet when it’s your first child. Acknowledge the advice and move on
Ok tell her, thank u for all the advice but my pregnancy brain keeps me from remembering any of the tips, so why not do me a favor and write everything down. Like a little pregnancy pamphlet u can give me right before the baby comes so I can go over everything! Then just toss it or keep it. Lol when she tries to give u advice remind her…write it in the pamphlet u know I wont remember lol
She will be feeling excited to share tips with you, its totally innocent on her part, but I know how annoying it can get, just tell her you appreciate her input, but would like the chance to figure it out yourself, but you will ask her for help you get stuck.
I’m pregnant with my 4th child and I still get unwanted advice. It’s just part of it. Either ignore it and move on, or listen and thank her. You want to do this on your own, which is fine, but saying her kid has issues because she doesn’t know what she’s doing is very judgmental. No mom actually knows what she’s doing. I still don’t know half the time. It’s a journey and every mom, child, and pregnancy are different. Relax a little.
Hi momma who hates confrontation and arguing unless absolutely no avoiding it here… I had a friend like this…I constantly changed the subject she got the message not too long after.
Tell her to STFU with her unsolicited advice.
Like I comment in basically every single post… Just freaking talk to her. These people are not mind readers… Tell her if and when you need advice, you will ask… But in the mean time let you figure it out. She probably just thinks she’s helping. Communicating is the only way
Tell her every pregnancy is different. And every baby is too.
No mum fully knows what their doing hun lol… take her advice smile etc shes excited for u … u will always do things your own way but u may actually find some of her advice useful too
Welcome to parenting.
People getting the stick in their ass about advice these days.
but here’s the thing about it by so you can take it or leave it and just because you don’t use that device doesn’t mean you can’t pass it on to somebody else don’t be rude about unwanted advice it takes a village to raise a child, unless you Wana raise a brat
Maybe she’s not trying to be pushy
I would screen shot your post and send it to her. With screen shots of comments you agree with
These questions are so stupid.
TELL HER TO STOP.
When I had my daughter I called my mom like 80 times a day for advice because I had NO IDEA what I was doing since it was my first child. I get excited to tell other new moms advice now too because let me tell you in 13 months I learned a whole lot and I hope my advice can maybe help someone who was as clueless as me when the baby arrives. Let’s be real we have no idea what it’s like to raise a child until we have one!
Uh I was on your side till you went all “it’s her fault her kid has behavioral issues” uh what no it isnt… you’re being very judgey
That’s honestly what family does lmfao just tell her it bothers you
I just had my 4th baby and I still get unwelcomed advice. At this point, I’m just used to it
Smile…thank her for her concern…and do it your way
You should be glad she’s excited and only wants the best for your child she probably knows mistakes that she is done and wants to make sure that you don’t follow the same path be thankful that you have someone in your life that cares that much instead of complaining about it
Just tell her thank you, but i will do my own research and do what I think is best for my baby. Then just keep changing the subject to other things to keeo the conversation positive.
People like that are a pain but MOST times, to them they just want to be helpful.
i think she’s just trying to be helpful but coming off very pushing she means we’ll just ask her to try keeping it to minimum of advice unless asked.
“While I sincerely appreciate your advice as my sister, pleas understand that all babies are different and what affected your child one way may not affect mine the same. I will absolutely keep your advice in mind as I know it comes from a genuinely good place, but I ask that you respect me as a first time mom and your sister and allow me to learn through trial and error just as you did. If I feel stuck at any point, know that you’ll be the first person I look to for advice.”
U sound like my little sister … if anyone ever gives u parenting advice take it for what it is … Advice … u can do it anyway u decide … but as for her feelings . It’s best to just be direct with a person with big feelings rather than be passive aggressive towards them or Beat around the bush … just be like hey every baby is different, thanks for sharing your experience but let’s wait till the baby is here before we start talking about what’s gunna be good for yours… as for blaming her for her kids problems sounds like you’re as judgemental as my sister too …
Wha…what problems does her 2year old have of her not knowing what she’s doing??
And technically, by saying “she doesn’t know what she’s doing”, aren’t you indirectly implying, that you know better??
Think god she cares about you
My favorite thing to do is just always respond with “I guess we’ll see” to literally everything. People tend to stop with the unsolicited advice. Hasn’t failed me yet
She’s your sister, push back ( not to fight). You will be a mom soon, and that little person is going to need a warrior. If you’re too afraid to stand up for what you believe to be relevant for the baby now, you won’t be upfront about those boundaries in the baby’s future. Allow this lesson to give you strength and knowing your boundaries with EVERYONE.ijs
Wait until your child has issues when you’re trying to do everything you can, you shouldn’t say things like that especially if you’ve never been through it. When we are first time parents, a lot of us have to learn as we go, we never got advice and we made a lot of mistakes. Maybe she’s trying to make sure that’s not something you have to do, maybe she’s just excited about your baby, maybe you should be thankful that you have family that cares, or just tell her to stop, she’s your sister, talk to her.
You sound ridiculous. But then again, most pregnant-for-the-first-time moms are the same way. Believe me, with a 2yo kid she’s got waaaay more experience than you, even if you’ve babysat since you were a teen. She doesn’t know yet what it’s like to have an older kid but she will soon.
Sorry but be straight up with her - sis I love ya but hell back up this kid isn’t even born yet and I feel like you want to raise it , I get your only trying to help, but can I just do the pregnant thing without being bombarded with the toddler stuff, remind her how it felt when everyone did it to her when she was pregnant , tell her your not cutting her out but you would like a bit of breathing room like she had.
Her feelings aside you need you in check the more you are in check the more settled wee one is going to be - sorry I know it’s advice I’ve had 10 , Justin relax breathe if she won’t stop just let it all wash over your head she thinks she’s helping, and family annoys us the most. Best of luck
Take it with a grain of salt. You are just beginning your journey of unwanted advice
You’ll get unwanted, unsolicited advice from WAY more people than her. I found that the best response to people giving you advice is “Oh okay, I’ll try to remember that,” and then go on with what you were talking about. They’ve been acknowledged and they can’t bitch about you ignoring them.
As for it being your sister though, if it gets to be too much just tell her that you’re grateful that she wants to be helpful but you don’t want her answer for everything. You want to be able to figure it out for yourself when your baby comes, and as it’s not even here yet, you’re not looking for that specific advice right now.
Best advice my mom has ever given me. Just listen to what she says but when you get home do what YOU want. Let in go in 1 ear and out the other.
No one is ever happy on here family helps to much and family don’t help. Yikes.
Just smile and say thanks for the advice and then do it your way, just like your sister is doing it her way. Once you’re a mum you will soon learn not to judge other mums until you are one yourself and by then you will totally get it and you won’t judge.
Stop picking up the phone. Give yourself a break. It’s one thing to offer advice, it’s another thing to be obnoxious and all about herself. Just don’t be so available and maybe you’ll handle it better when you do talk to her.
Chose what advice to keep and what advice to simply ignore.
Just be straight up, either pretend to listen, nodd and walk away and do what you need to or tell her to shut up or chose what to take or leave…
Just say ya who knows we’ll see with everything she says. In her mind she’s helping you not trying to control you.
I would be more sympathetic if you didn’t make the comment she screwed her 2yo up. That just makes you sound like a bitchy know it all… good luck with that…
Tell gee thanks sis idk all pregnancies are different although I will take it into consideration but I think see how my way works first
I would let it bother u too much , most people u meet in life give unwanted advice it doesn’t mean u need to follow it , just listen to what she has to say and if u don’t agree with it then just let it go by u , u don’t have to take anyone’s advice if u don’t want to but it’s your sis and I wouldn’t let it get to u too much she is maybe just excited for another baby in the family
It is probably coming from a place of love. I catch myself doing this with my friends that have had kids just as long as I’ve had. I do it as an offer of a differing perspective. Sometimes it doesn’t come out that way however
The newness of it all will wear off and get old she will get busy with her on life and her own kid and you will rarely hear from her.
I always just listened to the advice and brushed off what didn’t apply and actually appreciated that even though it was frustrating at least people were trying to help it be a slightly easier process adjusting to being a parent.
You sound like you’ll be that parent when confronted about car seat safety or anything you’ll think people are trying to tell you how to raise your kid.
Let it go in one ear and out the other she might just need to talk. Any advise take what will help forget the rest life is to short. Remember the love in which it is given from friends and family smile and be glad they want to share with you. One day they may say something useful.
It just sounds like she’s excited for you. You’re coming off like a bitchy pregnant woman by insulting the way she mothers her own child. If you don’t want advice but don’t want to hurt her feelings just tell her that you are getting a lot of advice from people and would like it if you could develop your own opinions without unsolicited advice. That way you aren’t directly calling her out, but are still getting your point across.
Listening doesn’t mean u have to do it like that and who knows maybe her advice will come in handy
Just because she gives it is no reason to take it
Also… You don’t have a clue either about raising a child. Lol She has more experience than you. She’s just trying to be helpful. You’re going to be the same way. We all think we know what’s what until that first kid comes. Just wait… Lol Plus your hormones are a mess right now. Best advice… Listen to advice and then do what you want.
Sounds like shes excited for you and is trying to give you helpful advice. I bet she doesnt realize it’s coming across like a steamroller. Its something for you to grow closer together and I would also bet it’s your hormones. Tell her u appreciate it but to cut it back and let you decide what you want. Life is short
If intentions are good, just say thanks…you might learn something that helps you later…!
What do you expect her to do not talk to you?Get rid of the jealousy it’s a killer listen but do it your way.
Just say ok and do what you want. She may be trying to helpful.
You will be the same. Every Mother’s favourite subject is their kids. Listen her politely. Every child is different, every mother is different, and there’s more than one ‘correct’ way to do everything. A lot of advice from everyone is irrelevant, unworkable, or just doesn’t fit with you. But, there will be the odd nugget that will be invaluable that you may not have thought of. In the end, you’ll find your own way. She might be a bit pushy but she’s trying to help, even if she isn’t. Hyper sensitivity can come from her own feelings of inadequacy or failure (that even the most perfect of mothers still have), so she’s only trying to protect you from the mistakes, either real or perceived, that she’s made. A strategy is to interrupt with a change of subject asking a question for distraction. As you’re pregnant, you have a license to come out with any random thing without warning so use it!
You are a sensitive cry baby too wtf🤦🏻♀️
Maybe she just gives u advice.About.what worked 4 her because she did 100 different.things b4 she found what worked n.she wants 2.b a good sister and spare u the frustration of those 100 failed attempts
Stop talking about babies
Well…what do you expect? Once you have your child you will be just like her.
I had the same problem. My sister always thinks she’s right and no one else has a clue. My parents have favored her my whole life. It may sound cold, but about 10 years ago, I erased her from my life and it was the best thing I’ve ever done. So much more peaceful with the drama gone.
Welcome to being a mom. Where everyone gives you unwanted advice about how to raise your kid. Honestly, just ignore her. Your going to raise your kid how u want to and when the time comes and baby is born you do you and when she says something just say okay but it’s my kid not yours you raise yours your way and I’ll raise mine my way
She is probably just trying to connect with you. She feels like you finally have something in common and she wants to give you the down low on what she’s learned. Talk to her about how you feel and she will probably understand and its probably not her intention for you to feel this way. Some advice you might get is good, some is bad. I have 2 kids and have babysat lots of others and if I’ve learned anything it’s that literally every kid is completely different. Maybe tell her she’s overloading you with info and that can’t retain it all right now because you’re just so excited, but when the time comes and you have a situation you need advice for, she will be the first one you call.
Advice is better than judgement but the two can be misjudged. If anything you can tell her that you’d come to her for help after baby is born and for now just bask in the calmness… make it a joke somehow?
I work in birthing work and have worked with children since college and I’m not saying I know everything, but I feel everyone loves to give me advice (sometimes very wrong unsafe advice) lol but they think they are being helpful. I say “oh, ok” and just move forward. It’s kind of like getting a bad gift lol be nice but don’t let it frazzle you. They mean well.
I only push the issue if it is someone I know is expecting to be a caregiver. I’m a car seat tech and a breastfeeding CLC so I am pretty sure of how I want to handle how they install the seat and when they plan to flip it forward etc also, if I am making milk, ABSOLUTELY no formula or outside foods until 6mo. I also kind of requested no guests right after delivery. I know that made a big stink but oh well. People will get over it if they truly love you and the baby. But most of the time people just want to “help” so ignore it if you find it useless info. Don’t let it get to you. If they keep pushing just say " well, if my way doesn’t work out I will consider that"
Also she may just be dealing with her new normal and feel lonely or left out and craves to be seen/heard in her now mom role. It may make her feel acknowledged/validated to “gift” you with what she has experienced. Being a first time mom can be a blow to who you were before baby. It can take a toll on a person to go from ______(fill in your name) to now only being seen as _______(child’s name)'s parent.
Maybe she doesn’t mean to behave like that. Most times people get super excited about stuff like this and they allow themselves to get carried away by excitement that they forgot they’re not the ones in the situation n they dnt even think to ask you about your opinion on how you would like to raise your own child
Girl im sorry and i know how that feels, it was always someone telling me that i need to do this or i need to do that or don’t do this because of that when that was how they raised their kid YEARS AGO (my husband) and oh my god the carseat thing how its okay to take the baby out and nurse him because back then it wasn’t mandatory to have a carseat when we ( my husband and I) were kids and their dad wasn’t in a carseat. I swear. I would listen to it come home and then talk shit with my husband about everything that whoever said about anything was wrong. And then i could let it go.
And tbh I’m due baby number four in 2 ish weeks n I still don’t feel “I no what I’m doing”
Everyone will try to give you advice. Some you may already know. There was some stuff I wish I knew before having my son.
I wish I knew that some men feel like babies are breakable and won’t help until they are older or that when they say you won’t sleep they mean it. I’m lucky if I get 4 hours of sleep now
Just listen to her advice and do your own thing.
Just nod n let it go over your head
Then tell her what you just told us.
Maybe she’s just excited to share with you her experience since it’s a common ground now for you both. You can also take what she is saying and use it as advice on what to or not to do. You can simply share with her that you appreciate her sharing her experience with you. If it is something you will do differently you can thank her for sharing but you will likely do it differently.
Tell her to shut up! If she keeps shoving her advice down your throat, tell her it’s not needed…
I think shes just trying to help tbh. Shes been there so that’s probably why she comes off as making it about her. I think you should be grateful tbh but it doesnt mean you have to do things the way she did them.
Start working on those Setting Healthy Boundaries
Tell her to shut the hell up. Have a big cup of shut the hell up
How does he have a lot of issues from her “not knowing what she’s doing” sounds way judgmental from this angle, and you really don’t have to do anything you can simply not use her advice. As a parent I always feel as though I need to prepare new Moms because nobody prepared me. Everyone only talked about the happy wonderful things that come with a new baby and not 1 person piped up about how HARD breastfeeding is, how much guilt comes with any choice you make as a parent, how expensive childcare is, how your life will very much change and your husbands or spouses most likely will not, how PPD is nothing like regular depression, how your relationship may struggle after a baby… these are all things NOBODY mentioned to me so maybe just maybe your sister with a toddler is trying to prepare you for reality.
“Sweetie, I love you dearly and am SO happy you’re excited. However, you get so caught up in your excitement that I feel like I can’t get a word in once you get started. Do you mind taking it down a notch or three so we can be excited together?”