My sisters fiance refuses to sleep in the same bed as her....advice?

My sister is in a new relationship and they are rushing things to the max…been together a few months, trying to get pregnant…planning a wedding…the whole family dislikes this kid and thinks he is using her…I also found out they dont even share a bed together… (They live together) and he sleeps on the couch…is this not weird? Like Why would he do that?? This whole thing seems off to me…advice?

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We have my own blanket and we have three cats that sleep with us

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My bf sleeps on the couch most nights. Does it annoy me?..yes but i also understand it gets extremely hot in our room. Who wants to drown in sweat while they’re sleeping. We compromise. Sometimes i sleep in the recliner while he sleeps on the couch Sometimes he’ll come back upstairs and sleep with me when he cools down

I’m sure my husband would love to have his own room. We don’t have any spare rooms. I’ve been married 26 years and I know I drive him insane because I’m a pack rat. We do have our seperate blankets and it works for us.

Its not weird. Just have a conversation with her and find out why? I understand your concern on rushing, and you and your family see the red flags, but ultimately its her choice her life. Your going to have to respect it. Or not and lose your sister. Support is what she needs.

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Mine sleeps with me he’s a hot sleeper and we both snore have ear plugs and I can’t sleep without him we have a fan on all year round :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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My husband has a bad back, his recliner hurts his back less than our bed. I think he might sleep a night a week in our bed, if that. We don’t like it, but it keeps him out of pain. That’s not a red flag in itself. Rushing? My sister and her husband met, started dating and then got married in less than a year. They’ve been married 25 years. Sometimes you just know. I get being cautious, however sometimes all you can do is be there for her either way, good or bad.

My friend met a guy and married him 6 weeks later. That was 2 kids and 50 years ago and still happily married.

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Whatever works for them… but advice is just love her and stay in your lane. She’s going to listen to herself even if it’s a hard wromg choice, she had to learn it. I was that one. Didn’t listen, to my gut nor family friends… like multiple times . But just be there for her, don’t let relationships with her yet messed up because of this. Tolerate him because she loves him… Lol

Live and let live.
Voice your concerns out of love… then support whatever she wants. Let her know you’re there for her if she changes her mind, then move on with your own life.

Im in a healthy and happy relationship of 10 years and honestly I’d say 5 nights out of the week we don’t even sleep in the same room. If that’s the only reason to be concerned I wouldn’t look into it too much.

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I hardly sleep next to my partner anymore. Mostly because he’s a hot sleeper, but I also like to spread out. I usually sleep on the couch because it’s cooler in the living room, and he sleeps in the bed either by himself or with our baby.

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I sleep on the couch lol I’ve been with my husband 9 years just the bed makes me sore as hell and the couch makes him sore :rofl: but we still love eachother none the less

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I’m in a healthy, committed long term relationship (8 yrs). I sleep in my bed and my fiancee usually sleeps on the couch. He snores and I am a very light sleeper. Neither of us like it but it works for us.

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If they’re trying to have a baby, they’re obviously having some adult time together…. Honestly the bed sharing thing at night might be for lots of different reasons. I sleep super warm and have to have my room freezing cold at night… however my bf likes to be touching me at all times and likes yo be warm at night lol we do sleep in the same bed usually when we are together though, but we do both have separate houses too and work in the areas that our houses are… so we only actually sleep in the same bed a few nights a week max.

Some people have a hard time sleeping with someone else. It’s especially difficult if one of them snores. That alone I don’t think is a big deal. Lots of people sleep separate at least some of the time. It can be the only way to get a good nights rest.

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My advice. Get some of your business to mind.

We have our own bedrooms.

They probably sleep better :woman_shrugging:t2: you can make a baby almost anywhere

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Unless he chooses not too because he can’t stand her its not a problem. And I highly doubt that’s the issue. I’ve been married for 7 years and enjoy my bed space

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The rushing of all of that could definitely be love bombing.

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How old are they and that is a little odd how they are engaged but don’t sleep in same bed

There could be many reason he sleeps on the couch he could be like me and doesn’t really sleep at night and likes to watch TV or play video game and thinks it’s best to just stay in the living were he wouldn’t disturb her. Your sister or him could be a very restless sleeper and finds its best to sleep apart There could be some many reasons. There are other things I want to say but wont

Who cares! Sleeping in different beds or different rooms should absolutely be norm… more folks do this than you think. A good nights rest is imperative to healthy living

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It’s ok to sleep in separate bed. But usually the guy should sleep on the couch. It’s kind of strange. But it’s her relationship and she is the one to be ok with that

I know many people are saying it’s not your business but I’m sure it is your business because you don’t want your sister hurt. I would talk to her in private and just ask simple direct questions. There might be a reason to all of her actions.

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I mean sometimes you just fall asleep where you fall asleep. Other times it’s because it’s what works for their relationship. My grandparents slept in separate rooms (there for a while even separate floors of the house) and they were married for 62 years :woman_shrugging:t2:.

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She better run from that relationship.

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That’s weird but who knows

just gonna say it from experience
is he possibly gay?
rushing marriage and babies could be just trying to “lock it down” can only perform and pretend long enough for the purpose of baby making. Wife and kids make a pretty good cover.

Mind your business. There are plenty of valid reasons why people in a relationship sleep on the couch.

Sleeping in separate beds is actually a good idea,!

How do we know why he does it ?

None of any one’s business. It works for them.

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Honestly, it’s not your business. If you get involved it will cause resentment. She has to make her own choices. I understand the concern, but aside from asking her to be cautious, there isn’t much you can do.

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I’ve been with my husband for 23 years and we never have slept together lol. I love my couch and he snores and grinds his teeth and uses me as a freaking body pillow. His granny once asked me, “how do you keep getting pregnant when you don’t sleep together?” :joy: I said we visit granny lol.

It’s not a good way to start a relationship at all! I could understand if they were waiting for marriage , but if they are trying to get her pregnant then that’s a different story !!

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My old landlords live in completely separate houses. Married for 40 somethin years, love each other endlessly… but live in completely separate houses.
Not all relationships are the same… :woman_shrugging:t3:

They are a new couple, they shouldn’t be sleeping apart yet.

Mind your own business :woman_shrugging:t2: a lot of people sleep better separately. Not your relationship, not your place to judge.

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Hell U need a bed warmer.

Sleep is extremely important and for some people it’s not something they can sacrifice. They need it to function properly. I literally want to rip my ears off anytime I’m trying to sleep and I can hear someone snoring. Not everyone can sleep together and get the rest that they need.

Mind ya business boo…it’s her life…them lessons are hers…let her have em…

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Mind your business
Sleeping separately work great for some couples

My parents had separate rooms for years due to his snoring and his getting up a lot. Seems strange he does it so early on before they are before married

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She’s going to see this and with all that information, she’ll know it was you.

So many relationships don’t sleep in the same bed unsure why it’s an issue for you? I’m for one been together with my partner 9 years n I sleep better without him in there. Beds to ourself works great.
Is she worried about it or are you just trying to cause drama…

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Who cares about the sleeping unless it bothers her. Talk to her like a grown up and let her sort it out.

I’ve been married 25 years and sleep apart 98 % of the time because of my snoring

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Maybe it’s part of his religion to not sleep in the same bed. If your sister has concerns about it then she should end it. If it’s just you that has concerns don’t stress. Historically couples who where poor slept in the same bed because they couldn’t afford 2 beds

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She needs to make her own mistakes. It is a little weird to me, but as has been mentioned, you don’t know why they do that and it really isn’t your business. You can tell her your concerns, let her respond IF SHE WANTS TO, and then let her be a grown up and walk her own walk. I wouldn’t meet someone and plan a baby and a wedding in that short amount of time, you really don’t know the person, but that’s ME. I don’t walk in anyone’s shoes but mine. She’s a grown ass woman. You do you and let her make her own mistakes. If this is one of them, your job is to help her pick up the pieces if she needs you, and mind your business. :heart:

My husband gets kicked out of our king size bed by our dogs and he will go crash in his recliner or on the couch. Been together almost 14 years and married almost 13🤷‍♀️. If you for sure find out he’s abusive or using her for money or a place to stay or something similar then I’d step in with some other family members to voice my concerns.

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Agree that it’s their business. It’s weird to me, but it doesn’t involve you.

Why is that your business?

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Wait…. We can do that?!? Lol

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My husband and I slept apart the last few months he was living because of the circumstances. I wish he was here. I wouldn’t care where he slept.

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My partner snores like a bear… I have to sleep in a separate room sometimes x doesn’t affect our relationship. As long as you’re intimate so what xx

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One may snore, be a light sleeper, gets to hot while other is cold. I say mind your own business, let them figure it out themselves

If your sister seems like she’s happy and she’s thriving, maybe she’s onto something and has unlocked the cheat code to relationships. SEPARATE SLEEPING QUARTERS :joy:

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You got me at the whole family dislikes this kid. That’s the “red flag” for me, unfortunately, she won’t listen to anyone. Hard pill to swallow. I’m sorry you’re all going through this.

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It’s her life and her business! Until she sees him the way y’all do then ain’t sh*t you can do about it

Maybe he has night terrors, ptsd, restless leg syndrome. There are all kinds of possibilities

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I feel like you need to mind your business on this one :woman_shrugging:t3: unless he’s hurting her then don’t worry about it. I got with my man and was engaged after 4 months and was trying to get pregnant from the beginning. Sometimes people JUST MOVE FAST. It’s their business.

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Why are you worried about that?

Some people don’t sleep well with others. What’s disturbing is that you’re bothered by their lifestyle that has nothing to do with you. Then you go & publicly air their business. You’re TA in this situation.

My grandparents were married 62 yrs before my grandma died and they never shared a bed/ bedroom thier whole relationship…

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I see res flags. Rushing it. Is it him rushing it? Where was he living before? Is he just trying to secure a roof over his head? Does he work?

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My & my partner don’t share a bed unless away as my daughter has many medical issues & don’t sleep well or choke in her sleep & being upstairs I don’t have what I need to hand

If it ain’t a problem for her then it ain’t a problem

A better question is why is she with him and he is sleeping on the couch? Doesn’t sound to be like they are trying to get pregnant, but by the sounds of it-lets hope not.

My advice is to stay out of their business

Unless he’s abusing her it’s not your business. There were many nights I slept on the couch because I love my own space.
If you feel she’s in actual danger then talk to her. Broken hearts are not a danger.

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Get a male she respects to tell her this isn’t normal behaviour. In saying that it sounds like she has picked up some bad habits aswell

Maybe they sweaty after baby making lol

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Adrian Naidoo Adrian Naidoo

You know co-sleeping for couple only started back in the great depression era anyway. Beds were to expensive so people started buying one and sharing them. It’s not a big deal. If it works for them who cares. Why is it your business anyway? She’s an adult let her succeed or fail on her own. That’s what makes it life.

Are you bored? You need a hobby :woman_shrugging:t2:

So i understand people saying its not your relationship so not your business but at the same time, yes i think thats really weird and maybe talk to your sister and see maybe how she feels about it. If shes okay with it and doesnt see any issues then it is what it is. But yes to me thats really weird and seems shady

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I’ve been the partner who can’t sleep in the same bed as them.
My reasoning is because I’m a super light sleeper.
Not only does he snore and refuses to do anything about it, he jolts in his sleep. Arms up in the air, knees up constantly dropping and waking me up.
I prefer to have a restful sleep than stick to the norm of people thinking you HAVE to sleep in the same bed to be happy.
Who is happy with no sleep? I know I’m not and will be very resentful if I feel like absolute crap all day because of an unsettled sleep.
It could be as simple as that?
Ask?
It’s not a red flag in my opinion because like myself, they probably enjoy their sleep best alone.

First of all, it’s not your relationship so it’s not really your business. Second of all, why do you care that they don’t share a bed? How does any of this affect you? My husband and I have been married for five years and we sleep in the same bed, but I’m sure there is times he wouldn’t mind sleeping alone because since I gained weight, I snore. :woman_shrugging:t2: also, my husband and I were only together for 4 or 5 months before we got engaged and we’re still going strong so again… not your business.

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Maybe I e of them snores. It’s actually not that weird for some. When I’m sick I sleep in the other room. When the bf isn’t sleeping well I’ll go sleep in the other room. That’s why I have a comfy bed in there.

Why in the world would someone intentionally try to get pregnant before getting married, thats a hard way to start a marriage.

He’s not into her, infact she repulses him. He is using her, and will try and take all he can. As for trying for a baby, that’s not gonna happen from the couch. Kick him to the curb.

Advice? Mind your business, unless she is in danger.

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This really isn’t any of your business. I get you wanna look out for your sister , but wondering why the bf sleeps on the couch is wierd. Maybe she snores or farts in her sleep.

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He sleeps on the couch to text other women. Been there done that

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Why are you worried about whether they sleep together or not? Love doesn’t have a time frame. A lot of people get married before a year. It’s not y’all’s relationship or business. I know someone personally who doesn’t sleep with her husband bc he snores so bad. They’ve been married over 30 years.

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Is it religious beliefs? Did you ask her?

Maybe they are just happy ,met my husband in 2013 moved in together in Jan,got engaged in Feb married in June and found out we were pregnant in August same year been married 10 years.the sleeping together thing that happens…

How about u just mind ur own business and let her do her. Ugh

I totally understand where your family is coming from
It honestly looks fishy
My question Is as they have only been together for a few months
Why are they rushing into getting pregnant and planning to get married
Let alone already living together?

Yeah mind your own business

My husband used to bc hed fall asleep there and hes annoying to wake up so i left him lmao

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Is she complaining about these things?

Boy needs a place to sleep get him outtttt

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Maybe your sister snores or kicks in her sleep. This sounds like digging for a problem.

Not weird at all your the weird one asking for advice about a fiancé that aint even yours🤷🏽‍♀️

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All these things after just couple months are deffo red flags n sleeping separately is weird I don’t know anyone friends or family or sleeps separately from there partner planning baby abs wedding after just couple months is deffo a rush speak to your sister on her own n see how she really feels if she deffo happy support her but if she shows any signs of she deffo not sure ot any signs of anything else support her to move on as a big sister would x

My grandparents have separate rooms. They have for as long as I can remember. It’s not abnormal

Sorry these hateful bitches are relentless. good job caring about your Sister