I am just needing advice and needing to vent. I am a stay-at-home mom; I raise our two kids, make every single meal hot for him when he gets home. I clean all day, so everything is literally perfect, and he doesn’t have to lift a finger. But every single time me and my SO argue, he throws it in my face that I do not work and that he pays for everything and I do nothing. I am over it. How can I make him realize that what I do is important too?
136 Likes
That’s not okay 
Don’t do stuff for an entire week and then he can see how much you truly work!
Stop doing it and get a job, hell get over himself real quick.
15 Likes
Stop doing it for a few days. He will notice!
6 Likes
Tell him if you brought someone else in to look after the kids would they not have a job? Also a cleaner and ironer a cook ? You have more than one job.And your doing great mama, it aint easy being a sahm he needs to learn some respect oh and it would cost far more than you not doing it!
10 Likes
Leave his ass. There’s no way for him to stop throwing that in your face until he lives without you and that’s when people usually realize they fucked up. He doesn’t need to be babied, he needs to grow up & take care of himself. I went through the same thing and guess what, I was kicked out bcuz apparently I didn’t do enough. If he doesn’t show respect and appreciate than stop taking care of him and move on. Worry about yourself and your babies.
Stop doing it. That will show that what you do is truly important. Also if you want to get a job get one and make it perfectly clear that everything will be done 50/50.
5 Likes
This is why I make my own money and pay my own bills my ex did this to me and I vowef never to allow a man to take care of me again
11 Likes
Put the kids in daycare and get a JOB, Then Stop doing everything, Simply smile and point out that you are employed bringing in an income so NOW he gets to Share the household maintenance
32 Likes
Put in application in for a part time job… And once your called for the job. Let him know now he can pitch in with the house chores!!!
6 Likes
stop bein lazy and get a job🤷♀️
27 Likes
Stop making supper, stop doing his laundry, don’t do anything for him!! Cook meals for you and the kids easy ones with no left overs for a few weeeks and when he gets mad say “you think I do nothing, so I won’t do anything for you until you respect me.” Don’t worry about the house too much and relax, go do whatever and don’t do a thing for him!
10 Likes
I’m glad I’m not with any one telling me what to do
2 Likes
Leave. Get a job. Nail him for child support.
2 Likes
Leave him with the kids overnight and give him a list of chores that you expect to be done by the time you get home.
1 Like
Then start sending him a daycare bill. There. Now according to him you work.
11 Likes
Dont do anything. Then dont cook or clean or do laundry or give him any sex either. Make food for you and kids of course. But dont do any shit for him to benefit from. Actually you should take your self and kids to a family members house for a couple days and let him fend for himself.
Here is the amount that the state of Texas would have to pay for a house wife. Almost 22,000 a month. Give him a bill.
4 Likes
If your kids can go to child care and you can afford it, get a job!
2 Likes
I would actually print out a list of wages for the jobs you do around the house. He would have to pay someone or be doing it himself, if it weren’t for you.
Ask him: How much do personal chefs cost? Grocery shopping service? House cleaner? Babysitter/nanny? Educator/teacher/tutor? Laundry service? Also, administrative duties, what is the wage of a receptionist? Individually, they may not amount to much but put all those services together and he would have a really large monthly bill.
Lol I know I’m missing some duties, there is a whole lot more!
3 Likes
I would inquire about daycare costs. Compile a list…compare to a job that is realistically available for your credentials, and maybe show how staying home is much more worth it not just financially, but in regards to the whole functioning of the household. Most of the time you end up paying your paycheck in childcare. Maybe he doesn’t realize that cost. In the end he should see his income as FAMILY income. Not all his.
5 Likes
Don’t do it and see if he notices everything you do! Some people don’t realize how hard stay at home moms work until we’re not around to do it all!
4 Likes
I was in a relationship for 10 years with someone who said they wouldn’t marry me unless I was working and finished college, etc. He had a list of things that I had to complete before he would marry me. Needless to say despite me achieving those things, there was constantly another thing added to the list. Eventually I got tired of it after finding out he cheated with a hooker, etc. Now I’m with a great guy and getting married this summer. It’s possible…just know that you deserve better.
4 Likes
Call a local cleaning company and ask them for a quote, then call daycare and find out the costs. Then add gas to and from work and a minimal clothing budget. Then present your husband wth the monthly “bill” for the work you supposedly aren’t doing. Or offer to let him stay home and see how relaxing and stress free it is…
11 Likes
get a job so you can leave him–he will see how much you do when he has to do it on his own when he has visitation! Sorry but no one should have to put up with that kind of disrespect.
6 Likes
This is why so many women cannot be sahms, shitty partners who don’t respect all you do and tear you down for not contributing financially.
Well it’s time to find some work, when he asks why your looking straight up tell him it’s because he don’t reapect what you do and always throws it in your face, tell him you can’t rely on a man who does that to the women raising his children!!
Tell him he will also be half reaposiable for the daycare expences.
Make a list of everything you do in a normal day. Leave for two days and have him take pto from work or do it a weekend. Have him do all your daily duties. . You can sign up for Uber or food delivery to make income. After two days I’m sure he will beg you to come back.
Make sure to add the time it takes to make the meal plan for the week, bath time, Etc. People who don’t stay home do not realize how hard it actually is. My S/O and I both work full time because we can’t afford not to but in my opinion being a Stay at home parent is harder and more time consuming then any job out there.
Look up narcissism you may not be able to reason with him.
Price daycare for kids and tell him how much and he will also be cooking, cleaning etc after work right along with you…
4 Likes
simple, show him what doing nothing actually means…
3 Likes
Stop doing the housework and leave him with the kids for a couple days. That should do the trick. I’ve done both. Being a stay at home mom is definitely more difficult than being a working mom. It’s more rewarding and I’d rather be able to stay home but it is most definitely a full time job that can be extremely overwhelming.
2 Likes
Stop doing it! Then you can send him a bill for all your years of being a maid, daycare worker, cook, chauffeur, nurse, and teacher. See how he feels then. Especially when you stop untill he pays you( or gives you credit for all your hardwork)
2 Likes
Let him pay day care he will rethink it
2 Likes
I went thru this 2 years ago with mine … to this date he has never said it again…leave for 3 days at the least, I stayed a week. He had all 3 kids . I wrote a note stating why and it wasn’t just for him it was for the kids to. I made sure the house was spotless along with all laundry done.
Let’s just say I am much more appriated now. When I got home. The house wasn’t spotless, laundry was everywhere but we worked as a team to get it clean.
5 Likes
Tell him to find a daycare so you can work. Stop doing everything, just take care of the kids. Make sure he knows why you are doing it.
3 Likes
Get a job, then share responsibilities!
1 Like
Grow a set of balls and get a job then find someone to watch the kids while both of u work 
Tell him you are getting a job and he can figure out the up keep of the house and a sitter. Or just do nothing all day so he has something to really bitch about.
Punch him in the nuts, walk out the door, and then he’ll have medical bills on top of all the other shit he’s gonna have to pay for!
If its happening during an argument let it go. Hes just trying to find ammunition
First of all u do work n I know a stay at home mom works harder than the average bear second if u got paid for what u do I’m sure ur pay wud b 50 %more than his third it’s not just ur job to take cate of the babies but it is the most important job so tell him try YOUR JOB. For a week I bet he will change his tune in a hot second ! The sham is not an easy one but it’s important u raise ur babies the way u feel appropriate no day care can or will do what momma can!
Do some research on the cost of daycares in your area, on a home cleaning service, and a cook.
Look around and see how much you would make per week if you worked outside of the home.
Create a spreadsheet, and input all info.
See if it would benefit your family if you got a job outside of the home.
Or, just stop doing everything but child rearing.
2 Likes
Yah nooo. My bf has done that once and if I hear it again his life will end. I told him it’s the only thing he’s got on me so of course thats what he says when he’s mad. He knows what I do EVERYTHING . I get his paychecks 
. Men are stupid.
Get a job an give him some of your responsibility for awhile. Like cooking his own dinner an helping with kids. He wont like that for long
7 Likes
Stop doing it for a while he will notice
3 Likes
I mean if he’s gonna claim you do nothing maybe actually do nothing
7 Likes
You cant make him do or see anything. You are in control of you.
I realize what you do is full time work, but men like him will use it against you. You could quit doing everything, you could get a job, maybe you can get him to go with you to counseling, you can even try having a talk with him. At some point he either decides to change, or you will get sick and tired of it and leave.
1 Like
Get a part-time job get a babysitter and show him you don’t need him
7 Likes
Quit doing it for a few days. If everything is perfect for him you make it look easy. Quit for a minute and let him see what you do to keep it that way.
2 Likes
He throws it in your face because he knows it will upset you. Its a defense mechanism to deflect from the real issue. The next he he brings it up, tell him well at least I’m good in bed. He’ll shut up!
8 Likes
Go out for a full weekend and let him do it all like a Friday night when he gets home leave for the weekend come back Sunday night I bet you he’s point of view would change if he has to cook clean tend to the children without you there for a night or two
Don’t do anything all day 
2 Likes
Get you a part time job and let him keep kids while you work
2 Likes
Go get a job and do nothing else. 🤷
1 Like
stop doing what you do. if you have to , take your kids, and let him live in the filth for a few months. Either he will value you, or he won’t…… let him decide
1 Like
Your not going to “train” that out of him. Its just how he is. Even if you stop for a while, he isnt gonna jump in and do anything. He’ll say sorry and you will be right back cleaning and doing with even less respect. Take the kids leave and child support will make sure you have some help. So sorry
2 Likes
Me myself I don’t think you will change him so u have to think about what to do for you and your kids leave or stay
2 Likes
Stop doing everything unless it’s for your kids. Feed them, don’t clean up after. Don’t throw away dirty diapers. Leave them beside the trash can. Leave clothes and toys where they lay. Stop feeding him ! He’s a grown man. He can make a damn meal for himself and clean. You are not his mommy and that’s what he has turned you into.
Stop doing what u do
2 Likes
Stay at home mom is more than a full time job, it’s definitely more emotionally and physically exhausting in every way. Plus your a teacher, maid, chef and Everything in between. I would take off on his day off and let him watch the kids and clean and cook and see how he feels about it. Talk to him about it.
Stop cleaning and cooking since you don’t “work” he will see exactly all you do and it’s a thankless neverending job. Good luck!
2 Likes
Here are 2 things that you can do: 1. Tell him it’s very hurtful. Let him know that you are going to look for a job and daycare and write a list of split chores that will need to be done by both of you. 2. Stop doing what all you’re doing for a short period of time. When he notices, and he will, remind him of how unimportant what you were doing was.
5 Likes
Get an out of the home job and let him start helping around the house
1 Like
It’s going to take him being at home full time to realize what happens at home while he is at work so you get a job and tell him to stay at home and see how quick he goes back to work I am better at working and my husband is better at being at home but we both do what is necessary for our family at all times it is an equal balance that has to be learned
1 Like
Charge him a stay at home mom rate, get a quote for all the things you do and give him a bill. And then if he still doesnt see you doing a full time job he never will
3 Likes
Give him a list of names and hourly rates for a babysitter, housekeeper, cook, chauffeur, planner/organizer, referee, tutor, etc. Then give him the stack of monthly bills and tell him to arrange a budget to accommodate you working. 
4 Likes
Either take a few days to yourself and leave him to the house, or get a job yourself 
then make sure he knows that since you’re working, he’s responsible for half of the household things. Or stop doing his laundry, stop having dinner ready for him, just stop. If he wants to throw it in your face and make you feel bad about staying home, make it known that your responsibility is the children, not taking care of a grown man that is capable of making food and cleaning for himself.
Of course these aren’t your only options. But the one I would do is take a few days away! Don’t go back to the house. Rent a hotel. Plan it out and a few days before tell your husband you’ll be gone for the weekend so the house and kids are his responsibility (AND that he needs to keep the house to the standard that you keep it at). This gives you time to yourself away and hopefully will help him see what you do so he stops bringing it up in an argument.
Send him an invoice for being a maid, chef, nanny, nurse, etc etc etc
3 Likes
Are you financially stable? Men often say this , even though it can seem/sound hurtful when they are stressed with carrying the financial weight of a single income household. He likely appreciates what you do, but it doesn’t bring in viable income. You might consider trying to find something small on the side to contribute financially. Then you can both share main household chores equally and neither of you will feel overburdened with either role. Just a thought 
5 Likes
Don’t do anything. Don’t cook for him. Don’t do his laundry. Don’t make life easy. Let him see just how much you do do!
3 Likes
Dad is being sahd right now and getting paid because of Covid. My job is open so we do this instead of daycare. We both have a newfound respect for each other. I actually think reversing the roles was the best thing that happened! Now we both know what each job entails and I don’t think it’ll change unless something drastic like that happens.
Show the asshole this and tell him you’ll trade him places - you go to work and he stays home and does everything EXACTLY as you do it, and you will do everything exactly as he does.
How Much Is a Homemaker Worth?.
He’s a jerk. Tell him to cut it out your both working if he doesn’t believe so get a job and make him pay for everything he takes advantage of in you.
1 Like
Don’t clean and skip those hot meals he might figure it out !
2 Likes
Stop doing anything and he will see what you do on the daily. Make a truth teller out of him.
1 Like
I’d start doing what he says you do nothing 
2 Likes
Thats the type of man , who wouldn’t make it a day in a sahm job. I know how it is have that constantly threw in your face. He is wrong to do you that way and he probably knows it too, but also knows thats a good way to push your buttons
3 Likes
I would not stick around.
1 Like
Throw in his face that you do EVERY thing but make the money. Every time you change a diaper text him and tell him, Every time he takes a bite of food tell him he’s welcome for the clean plate to eat off of. Every time he puts on clothes tell him he’s welcome for the clean clothes… Or make him do all those thing for a few days, some times you just gotta be petty🤷🏼♀️
3 Likes
Stop doing everything
2 Likes
Tell him you’re hiring a cleaning lady
1 Like
Move out & let him fend for himself ~ since you refer to him as your SO why are you still there ??? You have kids together & if he doesn’t love & respect you enough to MARRY You how do you expect him to appreciate taking care of him, the kids & the house !!! He’s a loser, & what he is doing to you is ‘abuse’ … If he won’t ‘respect’ you - Respect yourself & leave
4 Likes
Stop babying him, you are his partner not his mother, and he is big enough to look after himself
1 Like
Same issue here! I was told the first 6 months with my first son… ‘I pay the bills so I don’t have to change a diaper!’ He finally changed his attitude when I started making comments about it to his family/friends and he was getting looks from them… because apparently MY nasty looks weren’t enough. Things are better but not perfect. When he gets on a tirade, I sit on the couch for the day and let him deal with the kids/house and the attitude changes. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and let the load of bricks hit them in the face.
6 Likes
Do nothing so he understands what it’s like without you doing the house work and hot meals
2 Likes
If he tell.you that you do nothing then do nothing. Studies show being a Sahm is equivalent to working 2 1/2 full jobs and a part time one. When he walks in he would smell rotten food and shit everywhere for about two days i would do nothing but feed, clean and make sure the kids are content. I would leave every dish, diaper, trash, bottle, etc. everywhere. When he ask you wtf is that smell you tell him I’m doing nothing like you said.just make sure you have lysol for the third day cause your house is gonna smell horrible when you get ready to clean up:rofl:
Stop doing everything. Don’t do his laundry fix dinner for you and the kids but not him let the dishes go for a while and let him see what it is to appreciate when they are done… being a mom and home carer is so freaking hard as it is…
1 Like
Don’t do what you normally do and write a list of the costs for you to hire someone to do those jobs. There is a meme somewhere I’m sure. Tell him straight up, he can’t afford to pay anyone to do all you do.
3 Likes
Get a job and have him do what you do. Then he’ll understand
Being a SAHM is like having 2.5 jobs!
1 Like
Get a job tell him to stay home
1 Like
Stop doing any of it. All of it. Just don’t do it. And when he pitches a fit you can say “oh, I’m sorry, you said I don’t do anything so I decided I’d actually NOT do anything!” 
3 Likes
Just stop doing everything (obviously take care of the kids), but don’t clean, cook, leave toys out, don’t put anything away. 
1 Like
Oh baby you do work! You just don’t clock in or out nor do you don’t get paid for it! Serve that man a back hand with some unsweetened tea. Don’t let him disrespect you like that!
3 Likes
Stop doing it…simple… make sure your kids are straight and stop doing for him and he’ll see how much you was doing when you stop
1 Like
Tell him to go suck an egg!
2 Likes
You want him to see everything you do… STOP DOING IT. he’ll see real fast all shit you do
Go to work and start paying those daycare fees. He will find out real quick.
2 Likes
Next time he brings it up, have a printed out itemized invoice of everything u do during the day, get kids up, diaper change, bath, dressed, cooked meal, feed kids, washed dishes, did load of laundry, swept floor, etc etc. Put an hourly wage next to each & how long each task took. Do a few days of this.
When u fight, say I worked my ass off all day long. He’s YOUR invoice, to be paid in full in ten days, and your now on break for the night. & walk away!!
Stop doing it seriously then leave him with the kids for a couple days by himself. U are doing the hardest job in the world which is being a mother. Dont do anything for him anymore and see how he likes it
7 Likes