My SO always brings up the fact that I do not work: Thoughts?

Stop doing what you do I did if he cares he will pick up the slack and realize your job is never ending with no breaks year round

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Make a list of everything you do around the house. Personal chef, maid, childcare and so on. Google cost of all those services in your area. Create an invoice for one week of all those services. Deliver said bill to SO. Ask if they would like to get to hiring people to fill these roles so you can get a ‘job.’

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Hire a maid , get daycare , hire a Maitenece person . Go get a job . After awhile you will ofbhad some freedom at work and he will realize the expenses it cost for you to quit a stay at home parent job vrs outside of the house job and he will see what can’t get done without you there .

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Oh and leave for a week and leave him responsible for your “no job “ tasks . Go see a family member that “needs “ you now . In the grand scheme of things you won’t have to feel guilty about your time away and he will see how hard a job outside and managing the job in home is .

And if he doesn’t … he never will .

168 hours in a week. How many is he working vs how many are you (ps>your oncall for those 168) if were making comparisons, then he needs to step it up cuz hes slacking…

Stop making his ass food and let him starve since its not important :tipping_hand_woman:

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Honestly? You could look to see what the average pay and avg cost of daycare is and show him that daycare is another expensive to fill in if he wants to be petty about it :roll_eyes:

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That is horrible that he is making you feel that way. He could either hate his job, or maybe he’s in some financial rut and he’s not communicating that to you, which he needs to learn how to do properly. Being at home with children is not only the hardest, you also can lose yourself sometimes being a constant caretaker for everyone but yourself, but it’s also the most important job. Your husband should never make you feel that what you’re doing is less than he is because it’s a team effort. If you had to work he would have to consider the money you’d spend on a babysitter, gas and everything else that comes with working. I’ve been a stay at home mom for over 10 years and now that all my kids are in school I definitely want to work but my husband wants me to take my time , and I think it’s because he knows how much I do for our large family, and if I go back to work he’s gotta put in much more effort at home. Even though I stay home My husband still has a hand in cooking, and caring for our kids and the last 10 years he’s never talked to me about working or made me feel like crap for choosing to be home because if he did I’d gladly go back to work so he can see just how important I was to this household and our kids. And you should communicate that with your husband.

Go to work and stop doing everything, he will realize real fast

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Oldest trick in the book… stop doing it all…
what happens when no meals on the table, no groceries, no clean undies???
See what he says then??:wink:

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Let him clean the house I work everyday and I help with the house work

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Stop doing what your doing

Leave or get a job and let him do the shit

I’m a stay at home mom also and my husband is the bread winner. A couple times a year I take a short 3-4 day trip and my husband usually has to take at least a few days off of work to deal with the kids and the house. He always tells me how much he appreciates me and what I do. Sometimes they just need a little reminder.

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Stop doing it and go to work. I mean it sucks for everyone but at least he can’t say shit.

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Get a job, even if it is part time. I know being a stay at home mom but, it is never easy being the only one that is financially providing for the family. Going to work every day and listening to workers complaining about not making enough money, listening to the boss saying everyone needs to be more productive, it’s too hot or it’s too cold, you need a day off but can’t get it on the schedule. Then you go home wanting peace and quiet and every one wants to talk to you because they are glad to see you. You go to take a shower and the wife comes in to say what do you want to drink with dinner, did I tell you…, Do you know where such and such is? And he is just wondering where the hell did his peace and quiet go.
I’m not trying to bad mouth either one of you but sometimes life stinks. I have seen ,any marriages fail because this problem. You should not have to carry the weight of the laundry, shopping for groceries, cooking,cleaning , picking up after the kids 15 times a day, listening to them fuss and fight. He should not have to carry all the financial burden on his shoulders.
He should have the opportunity to see what you go through when he parents the kids while you work too. And you should have the opportunity to go to work ( even part time ) to show him you are willing to step up and help him carry the load. Isn’t that what marriage is about, two people working together to take care of their family?

One of the families we know have 2 kids, husband works and wife is a stay at home mom. The husband once confided in my husband that while he knows she does her share in taking care of the family, his stress was money. He didn’t want to make her work but he felt the burden of keeping the family afloat. I’m not saying that it’s right for your SO to throw it in your face or not appreciate you but could this be something he’s stressed about? :woman_shrugging:t2:

Narcissist! Get out if you can. He’ll NEVER appreciate what you do.

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This is a really hard conversation to have when it is just between the two of you. Get a therapist to help you work through it.

Come to terms with the fact he does a lot in a day and so do you. You both sound irritable.

That’s all he’s got on you? You’ve both agreed to traditional roles: working father, SAHM.
If you worked part time it would not cover daycare/childcare costs. Working full time is pointless, because that’s someone else raising your children and still a majority of $$ goes to childcare.
Children in daycare means more driving, more sick kids, sick kids means missed work, means dr appts, means no one is home to run the household.
Running a household IS a job. But your children are safe, healthy, happy, and no one but you is getting to witness their milestones.
The man could possibly be jealous, unhappy at his job. It sounds glamorous being home all day! But it also means pee, poop, puke, tantrums, chores, no alone time, no time with other adults.
He needs to reevaluate himself.

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Its sux. Its a shitty feeling. It was same way for me. I put so much effort into our kids, home, meals, holidays…then to feel worthless. Now i work on top of all that

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Leave. Boom! Problem solved.

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invoice him for a daycare and laundry and chef service.
If he refuses to pay, refuse to work (like stop doing his laundry and cooking dinner).

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I had this problem. Worked hard had 2 jobs but the (not working at the time) SO said I needed to get more work. Then I fell off a ladder and couldn’t work and was called useless. So I wrote out a list. It went something like this:
Cook $25.oo hr.
Gardener $ 100 weekly
Lawn mower $50 week
Cleaner $150 weekly
Taxi $ 20
Personal shopper $20 hr
Nurse $35-50 hr
Counselor $100 hr
Seamstress $25 hr
Hooker $100 hr !!!
Add all that up that’s how much he saves per week .

Stop doing it all and see how long it is before he kicks off. Then reply with ‘but I don’t work’ :woman_shrugging:t4:

Alternatively, make a list of everything you do. Research what the cost would be in your local area if you were to hire someone else to do it e.g. childcare, cook, cleaner etc.

Then create a weekly invoice and give it to him.

Actually, you do work. Your ‘job’ is very important. Looking after kids and the home is a very demanding job. You probably also take care of scheduling doctor & dentist appointments etc. for the family. He needs to see that as a job and that your contribution to the family is freeing him up so that when he comes home from his job outside the home, he can mostly relax and just enjoy family time with you and the kids.

Leave for the weekend and let him be the full time parent and housekeeper for a couple of days.
He’ll get a rude awakening real quick.

Run some numbers with you getting a job, having to pay for child care, expenses involved with getting to work(food, gas, vehicle maintenance, etc). Figure out what you would have to pay someone to do what you do at home, (care.com can give you some prices) cause you aren’t going to have time if you are working. Then divide all the household and child care between the two of you (if you are working to help financially, he has to help with chores and kids). If that isnt isnt an eye-opener that shuts his mouth, you are doomed and I would move on!!! Sorry for long post but this is a touchy one for me, been there and done that!!

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My Plan A advice, get a job and quit on the house chores. Plan B, take a few days off (out of the city) to visit friends or family. The house will eat him alive. Plan C, crack that head of his and put in how worthy you are of his respect.

Get estimates on a cleaning co that does what you do, get a estimate on a chef that comes to the house to cook for you, also an estimate on a driver and babysitter. Next time he says that then hand over the estimates and show him how much your are worth and how much he is saving…

dont cook his meals let him do his own laundry,just do for you and the children

You save him hundreds ev month by being a stay at home. Does he know the cost of daycare these days? You save him the headache of whether or not his children are in good hands or not. A woman is a mans help mate being a stay at home mom operates long after his clock is punched at 5.pm. So sorry you are going thru this but maybe start off working part time if you feel that is best for you and take up some classes giving you flexibility to be at home. Or look into stay at home positions depending on the ages of your children. Just keep evolving wishing you all the best and know what you do ev day is amazing!

Even if u had a job u still have to do the house work and kids women work is never done.

Stop doing it, let every thing go , for a while, Maybe you are sick? Take care of your children, the do come frist , Pick your arugements!! If you can,

Leave him with the kids for a weekend. Thats what i did. He changed his tune real quick

so why bother trying to appease and suffer. Keep doing what you are doing. Or watch a child in addition to yours for grocery $$$

Stop doing everything that doesn’t absolutely have to be done

Get a quote from a daycar for 8 hrs a day 5 days a week and point out how much what your doing is technicaly worth

Stop doing what you do

Go get yourself a job. Tell him ur start date n tell him to find a sitter n a house keeper. Tell him u’ll pay half. Go do your hair n nails n buy some clothes for your new job. Dress up beautiful. When ur 1st day of work comes…put those heels on n walk out the door to your new job. If the sitter n housekeeper dont show up. He can stay n watch the kids n clean the house why you go out n be independent. N if he doesnt like it. Fix ur crown n Tell him to grow some balls n stop complaining. It’s what he wanted. There you go now you’re doing sonething.

Go on strike. Hell learn fast enough

My personal opinion…get yourself a job. Then he will have to take on some of the responsibilities and if he gives you a hard time well you can say I work as well. Furthermore if his attitude doesn’t change and at some point you decide to leave you already have yourself in the job market. I think it’s really a shit thing to say to you. Or go on strike…he will see real quick how important what you do is.

This is tricky. My other half didn’t work for the 15 years I was with him and I had to miss the upbringing of my kids 5 out of the 7 days whilst he was ‘doing nothing’. I know, he didn’t do nothing, my mum has always been a stay at home mother. But the financial burden was heavy and solely on my shoulders. The pressure to keep my job, whether I liked it or not, to make promotions when yet another kid was born. It was super stressful and he did just not understand. It was almost if when I needed him to be careful one month because a holiday needed to be paid or something, he decided to buy all the kids shoes and random shit. On a good day I complimented him on the fact that the kids were well mannered, liked by everyone, clean and well fed. But when we argued i often said to him i felt alone. I felt not understood and i wanted a man who would pick up the bill once in his life. Now, after 15 years I left him and yes, I gained some respect for what he did. Because now I do it besides my 40 hours a week job. But I realized I can do both, when he only did one. And I have a man who doesn’t mind picking up the bill and God do I love that. Do i feel more relaxed, understood, a burden shared is a burden halved… I know it’s not what you want to hear, but that’s my experience.

He may be feeling stressed out paying for everything. Maybe he is wishing you would get a part time job to help with the income. You two should talk about the finances in your relationship. Maybe he is struggling financially and doesn’t know how to approach you about the situation. He knows what you do is valuable, but he doesn’t understand the cost savings it is for you to be home and everything you do. I am a single mother of 2 and have been a single mother for 10 years. The financial struggle is real is especially when not getting child support for 10 years! Childcare expenses for 2 children is a nightmare in itself! If you did get a job explain to him how the family routine would change: childcare, work hours, house chores, grocery shopping etc. Also would the money you bring to the table be worth the stress and aggravation? I think the price of childcare would scare him! If you worked opposite shift as him then you two would have less quality time together but not pay childcare because then he would have to watch them while you work. Also he would have to do chores in the house, take care of the kids, run errands, cook etc even if he worked! I bet him doing the extra stuff on top of him working would set him straight!

So stop doing all his needs , let him feed himself an Clean up after himself an wash his own laundry and you get yourself a part time job when he’s home so you guys don’t have to pay for child care , then you’ll have a dirty house and no time together … exactly what he wants I guess :pleading_face::woman_facepalming::woman_shrugging: he sounds unappreciative as fuck.

Go on strike simples