My SO made me feel guilty that he couldn't come to my sonogram: Advice?

You need to be to your appointments on time. Period.


Couldn’t he have requested the day off of work? Or went in a little late that day?

He needs to stop right now, these appointments are more important than his feelings. It is to determine that the baby is healthy and growing at a normal rate. He needs to grow up, he is already healthy. I went to most of my appointments alone, as my ex was working, he made it to the last appointment with our second child. Quite frankly I wish he didn’t come. He was there for the births and that’s all that matters.

It’s alarming that the babies health is not the priority. Also, that he would cause you unnecessary stress during this time.

Tell him to grow tf up

My husband only got to go to 3 between both kids due to work. He needs to get over himself. Or next time take it off work and not get mad at you for doing something your suppose to be doing when pregnant. Hell my husband didn’t even get to come to the one where we found out the sex of our daughter. I just went to his work after and showed him the sonogram.

If he wanted to be there he would have taken the time off


If it was such a big deal to him, he should have booked a bit of time off or voiced his opinion when the appointment was booked so you could have rescheduled for a time that he could have attended!
My husband only went to the last scan at 19ish weeks with our 5!
You shouldn’t feel guilty!
You need to go to your appointments!!
Baby is all that matters! Congratulations on baby! :partying_face::gift_heart:

he needs to grow up health of fetus comes first

At least he wants to be involved. Try to schedule the next one in advance and give him plenty of time to try to get the time off.

Between our 3 kids my husband missed plenty of appointments due to work. It’s not that big of a deal. I told him the date/time and he came if he could. All I cared is that he was there for the birth and he was.

I don’t see how it’s your fault. You went to the Dr for your unborn child & your health. They do an ultrasound & now he’s mad. He sounds selfish, controling.

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There will be plenty of other ultrasounds and first moments for him to be in on. It’s unfortunate he couldn’t be there but people have to work and we still have doctors appointments. Sometimes schedules don’t match up, sucks but there’s always next time.

Don’t listen to the lame ass women and their “leave him” comments or the ones judging you.

Don’t feel bad, mama. There’s many more to come.

I would have recorded it for him. You are lucky he wants to be involved and was actually hurt he couldn’t be. Try seeing it from his perspective.


Tell him to get over it. Baby is more important than his damn feelings! It’s a good thing my husband didn’t pull this shit since he’s a trucker. I would had missed every freaking appointment and would had never seen a dr or had an ultrasound done. :roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:t2:

He should have been there then. He could have called in or done half a day of work. When I was pregnant with my kids he would go to all sonogram appts. He only missed maybe 4 days if he couldn’t do a half day. His job understood (especially towards the end of my pregnancy) that my pregnancy was important

I would ignore his self centered ass

How old is he???
You are not in the wrong, you need to follow the DOCTOR and do your appointments WITH OR WITHOUT anyone else. Not listen to him whine about the health of an unborn child in utero. My child’s father missed many appointments due to work… it bummed him out, but we tried to figure out schedules and if nothing worked, I went alone or with my mom/family to. Tell him to grow up and drop his nuts before that child is born kuz he sounds immature

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Mine just went to the 2 last ones… Not a big deal i showed him the pics…

If my husband could not make it bc of work I would reschedule it so he could be there. That’s a moment that i wanted to share with him when i was pregnant and in the partners shoes, i would also be upset also.



He’s being a dumbass and putting himself before the baby. Better knock that shit off now lol he’s got a rude awakening.coming his way lol. He should have got the day off work somehow and if he couldn’t he should just make it a priority to go to the next ones. This isn’t about him, it’s about the health and safety of you and the baby. Period. He better wise up. :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

Just promise him you will schedule the 20 week anatomy scan with him there. That is the really cool one to watch…at 11 weeks the baby is a little bean and you have no clue what you are looking at.


The appointments are to make sure the baby is healthy. It’s unfortunate that he wasn’t able to attend the appointment but I’m assuming he knew the date of the appointment ahead of time. He shouldn’t be making you feel guilty because he couldn’t attend on a date that he knew in advance. Also, if there is a problem that the sonogram can detect, you wouldn’t want to put that off because he couldn’t make it. Some things are better caught early. Could you imagine how you’d feel if you put off the appointment to assuage his ego only to find out that there was an issue that you could have dealt with if you’d caught it sooner? There will be many more sonograms that he can attend. My husband was actually out of state for the entire last trimester. You have to do what’s best for your baby.


Hel be able to see more.

My husband works 3rd shift for my 2 pregnancy. He didnt go to alot of appointments. But the baby and me health was the most important. That being said tell that immature man to grow a fucking pair. Most ridiculous thing i have ever read. Maybe you could have videoed it. But then again thats very difficult at the angle your laying at.

Is it your first child?

  1. its only the first sonogram get prints you’ll have for the rest of your life
  2. have him be there for the gender sonogram
  3. be there for the birth
    Yes its sad he missed it but there will be many other milestones he may miss in the child’s life due to work, first word, first crawl, first walk ect.
    Record it and video chat with him during that time :slight_smile: you have a baby on the way have him take time off once the baby’s born :slight_smile:

They absolutely will not NOT do a sonogram on a first appointment. They have to make sure the baby is okay.

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Sounds like you’ve got two babies on your hands.


More than likely he thought it was a routine appt, and didn’t think he was missing a sono. He feels bad about it, but he shouldn’t make you feel bad about it. Tell him next time you will schedule when he can go. Or try to schedule the 20 week now since it’s so much in advance he can prob get the time off

Was he given notice? Did he try and take the time off work? He must have known you were having the scan so why not tell you prior to it how he felt? There’s no point moaning about it after if he chose not to communicate his feelings to you at the time unless he was a complete no show for the scan and literally didn’t even have a chance to let you know he wouldn’t be coming in which you probably should have rescheduled if he’d just not turned up and been uncontactable, depends on the circumstances around him knowing about the scan

What a selfish bastard he sounds

He should have got off work if he was that concerned.

Sounds selfish, controlling amongst other words.
My ex did that I was bleeding and needed emergency sonogram at 6 weeks. He turned up drunk screaming at me and wondered why I called security :woman_facepalming::woman_shrugging: then to this day never forgiven me.

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After months of reading comments on here, I’m starting to understand why there so many single moms.


He was excited and wasnt able to be part of that FIRST one. He will get over it. He should have tried to see if he could go into work late, or leave early so he could have been there. Tell him when the next one is so he can make sure hes able to go.
Hes being a baby about it, but he will get over it. I can understand why hes upset, but he should NOT be making you feel bad. It’s his own fault he wasnt there.
Hope baby is all good :blush:

He will get over it. He’s just upset because pregnancy is usually all the moms doing lol. He probably just feels left out and maybe even helpless. What I would do is say maybe y’all should have a date night. No baby talk or anything. Just talk about him and his work make him feel like the baby right now! Guys are big babies but doesn’t mean with have to gravel to them either because they get upset. Best of luck!

Atleast have him at the big one he needs to chill it happens there was a few times my so didn’t go to my appointments with our youngest he either was working or our toddler was sick or having a bad day so he would stay home with him so it be easier thats life it happens ya he was a bit upset but he knew that how it be sometimes

Ugh… my kids dad only makes it to the anatomy scan at 18 weeks for my kids💁‍♀️ he works and provides for everyone, not a big deal.

He’s just hurt tbh. You have every right to see your baby whether he’s there or not so don’t worry about that you have no reason to feel guilty. Try to schedule your appointments for after work hours if possible. Also try to get your hubs to request Sonos off

I just wonder if rolls were reversed and the father carried the baby, what would you overbearing judgmental women have to bitch about then? What if we told you we had all the say because we carried the baby, how would you feel then? We didn’t design you, God did, so take your issues up with God!

His reaction is selfish and immature. This is about the health and well being of your baby, which will be the primary focus for the next 18 years. Your SO MUST understand this, or it is not a good sign of what is to come.

They usually tell you what will happen next appointment so…maybe he can get his schedule cleared next time to hear the heart beat and at 20 weeks the gender. Dont let him guilt you that’s not fair on you or him I’d just ask for this to be dropped and move on.

Could you have made it a different day so that he could attend? I can see his point. He will want to see his baby just as much as you do. I’m sure he feels like shit that he missed the first chance to see his baby

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With my first my husband was able to go to every appointment except for 1. With my second, he wasnt able to go to any appointment. I went alone to all of them. I made a special day for him, me and our first at an outside place that does early reveals. Appointments are special most of the time, but work happens and in order to pay for those appointments work had to be done.

Your a childs health is far more important than your SO and his immaturity. He could have been there, it was his choice not to be. Prioritize , write down dates and times , this is a what you should tell him, if you and the baby are of any importance to him he would make time and stop making excuses and being passive aggressive, in what way was it wrong that you are caring for your child with your prenatal care? No !!! You made time , he could have made time!!! It’s one big guilt trip honey. Sit him down and have a talk about what’s bothering him.

Uh, no. The appts are the way they are for a reason. You dont control that.


No. You’re not wrong and being that your only 11 weeks they were going to do a sonogram anyway to make sure the fetus is on track for your gestation. He is going to have to get over the fact he couldn’t be there. He should be happy the little one is doing alright.


LOL so he didn’t work out his schedule to go but made u feel bad for it? Definitely not ur fault


Tell him to grow up. Not like u found out the sex of baby :woman_facepalming:


He is the one over reacting .
My girls dad always tryed book skans off but when he couldn’t he never done anything like that .

Sign for what’s to come use need to talk about this get him some help

I can understand his POV. If I were him I’d be upset too. He’s not gonna quit work to come to it but that’s how he provides for the family. I would have changed the appointment. Also, at 11weeks you could have sufficed with a heartbeat to “see if your baby was okay” that’s a moment you guys won’t share together and it won’t come again.


I don’t think either of you are wrong really…you’re both excited parents.

Did the sonographer give you any ultrasound photos so you could show him? Maybe that would soften the blow of him not being there (for his sake) :blush:

If not, there’s always another ultrasound he could attend with you. :slightly_smiling_face:

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My partner is a truck driver and still makes time/ reschedules what he needs to to be there for our bubs app. It’s something he has to get over. It’s not your fault that he didn’t get his shit together.


No and he better grow tf up before baby arrives!


Don’t know the full story but I feel like he should have tried to make it or rescheduled for a different day cause it is a special thing to miss out on but if that couldn’t happen then it’s not your fault you wanted to see how baby was doing

Tell him at 11 weeks there really isn’t anything to see anyways. It’s hard during the first sono because they give you an appointment without barely any notice. You are not wrong for still going, don’t let him make you feel that way but I also see his side too, especially if it’s your first child. It’s nice he wants to be involved but he shouldn’t make you feel guilty either.


My s.o. tells me to go with or without him to make sure me and the baby are doing good. We are the important ones. To call as soon as I can for updates. So dont feel bad. And plus you never know what the Dr wants to do that day

:roll_eyes: your so is an idiot sorry not sorry they do them for a good reason to check for a good pregnancy if he wants to go so bad then have another set up your appointment isn’t to suit your so needs he needs grow up I hope he’s not an abusive control freak if so please leave now it will get worse js

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Omg it’s the first day ultrasound. More to come. Just request the next one off.


Uh no
He knew you had a appointment I’m sure a week or 2 or even a month before he could have taken off and my hubby doesn’t go with me everytime because of his job so I’d be damned if he got mad at me


He’ll get over it. Let him deal with his own irrational thoughts. It’s not like you told him about the appt after the fact. SMH

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Could of recorded it an sent it to him, id do that all the time since my husband took care of business while I took care of the babies

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You and baby come first, he needs to understand that. You can record sonograms for him in the future if he can’t make it. Appointments and sonograms are done at certain times for a reason, and that reason is making sure the baby is growing well and healthy, and that you aren’t at risk. It’s not about him anymore


My hubs only came to 1 of mine when we found out the gender of our son. Mind you we have 2 kids and our son was our second child.

So he couldn’t ask for an hour off work for this appt?

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Did he know the appointment was scheduled for that day? Did either of you know a sonogram was going to happen?

You had every right to get the sono without him! He better learn real quick kids come before EVERYTHING ELSE.

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Sometimes it tricky getting those appts and hard to switch up and it’s also hard to get off work but I work for a program that offers free ultra sounds by the ultra sound students.
Maybe you can call a local tech college and we of they offer free ultra sounds and maybe that will make your SO chill out a bit.
But he needs to chill a little on getting snooty about you asking them to not do it. The things done at those appts are really important and done at certain times for a reason. You really want to get that first ultra sound as soon as they let you to make sure all is developing correctly.

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They don’t let anyone in the room anyhow until the end after all of the measurements are complete. And at that point the baby just looks like a peanut lol he’s over reacting

I see both sides BUT, usually you know in advance when you’re having an ultrasound so he could have asked off work or magically gotten too sick for work that day. Or possibly taken a long break to go with then back to work after. You possibly could have rescheduled the appointment but if the doctor wants an ultrasound at 11 weeks, that’s a small window of time that will work well for your schedule and the doctors schedule, then to try to coordinate his schedule too? You can’t just tell them not to do the ultrasound! It’s not done for you, it’s done for the doctor to see how baby is developing. Don’t feel bad. You’re growing a human being inside of your body, that’s an amazing thing. Don’t let anyone shed any negativity on this beautiful time in your life. :heart:

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Tell him there isn’t much at 11 weeks it’s mainly to make sure baby is still THERE

Just make sure he gets to be there for the next one. Lots of men miss out on ultrasounds unfortunately, especially when they work.

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Do you have a tech college near your that has a sonography (ultra sound tech) program? They do ultrasounds usually for free or cheap as practice for the students at the tech College near us. Maybe that’s an option? But yea my husband wasn’t at my first ultra sound with our daughter due to work… He will get over it. It’s about you and baby right now!

Fuck him, he should have asked for time, all Dr’s visits will be during the day so unless he has a day off then he needs to calm down

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The baby comes before him and it always will.

Sounds like your going to have 2 babies. He needs to grow up.


Is it the first baby for both of you?

They would have done it anyway and just turned the screen around, he needs to grow up and realize you are being a good mother instead of throwing a temper fit and making you feel guilty that your obgyn is a good doctor.

Not to be rude but :woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:

Its between you both

They can schedule all of your appointments same day for your pregnancy appointments have them print them all and give them to him if he dont take off thats his fault these doctors dont schedule around him

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Doctors decide when one is done. If he wants to be there, he needs to adjust his time accordingly.


Sounds like he just wants to be a whiny little bitch imo. My BF requested to leave work early or come in late for every one of my appointment. You know in advance. He could have done that. He just wants an excuse to whine

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No you have every right to make sure the baby is healthy. My husband was able to get off work for the very first one we had but after that he couldn’t so I would send him pics of it. Don’t feel guilty. The baby comes first in my opinion.

Just apologize and make sure he is able to come to the next one . Not worth arguing about it . His feelings are just hurt . And it’s actually nice hearing that he wanted to be there . It sounds like he wants to be part of that experience and didn’t want to miss that moment with u . Don’t be too hard on him . And no you’re not wrong.

Unfortunately for him, your appointments do NOT revolve around him. They revolve around YOU and the PREGNANCY. He isn’t the one going through the pregnancy, therefore he has no say. You schedule your appointments for when you’re able to. He knew about the appointment ahead of time. He could have requested that time frame off. It’s standard procedure to get an ultrasound at first appointments for most offices anyways, and then another sono in the radiology department between 16-20 weeks for the anatomy scan. My husband has been at all sonograms because he was able to make it work with his job, or I was able to schedule them late enough in the day where it wouldn’t affect his hours. But if he absolutely COULDNT be there, he’d still be happy to know our babies were healthy and growing. We also got Peekaboo ultrasounds, if you have something like that near you. If he wants to be at sonos so much, he should be willing to pay for those :woman_shrugging:t3:

If hes already jealous of the baby just wait. Itll get so much worse

Sorry dude. My husband couldnt go to any appts all 9 months cuz if work I would just call and tell him afterwards

He should be ashamed of him self

I’m in the fence on this one. I see where you’re coming from but the first ultrasound is really important to some. I honestly think you should have waited. They could have done the ultrasound without you seeing. But that is my opinion

He is in this this pregnancy as much as you. Also, when you have a daddy who wants to be that involved…cherish it. My ex husband did and still does nothing for me and our daughter.

It’s great The technology. Besides what’s the big deal? Your having a baby that is the Big news . Gender you have no control over that it’s either a male or female you’re not having a hippo. The only other main concern is it healthy above all.

He should have made it work and if he couldn’t then that’s that and he can do the next one. Don’t ever feel bad for taking care of you and baby. You two come FIRST!

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No you told him and work has to allow so many appointment for the male do he has no excuse… all you need to do is tell him dates then focus on you and the baby x

guilt? What the hell does guilt have to do with proper prenatal care? Maybe you should be making him feel guilty for choosing work over a quick scan to see how the babe is progessing in utero, hmm?

My husband and I worked opposite shifts and he still made it work. He was at EVERY single appointment. If work wouldnt give it to him off hed tell them the day before I wont be here or I’ll be late. They would either give him the day off or have him work a short shift. We had complications in our pregnancy though and I delivered at 31 weeks. He didnt tell anyone except HR. When all our co workers and management team found out I was in the hospital and so was our son he actually got yelled at for not letting anyone know so he could be with us. Later I had multiple co workers apologize to me for not knowing so they could help us. If he truely wanted to be there he would find a way to make it work. My husband did. When he was working while we were in the hospital he’d go to work and come straight to the hospital after and this was before we were married.

Sweet that he was so excited, but keeping up with your appointments is more important. After 12 weeks there is a lot more to see and you can hear the heart beat. Just try and arrange ahead of time for him to be at the next one.

My partner couldn’t come to all my appointment but I just kept him updated and sent him a pictures I don’t expect him to take time off when it’s not needed

Why is your man a whiney ass bitch. If that’s how he’s acting before having a kid out in the world, it’s blazing red flags already

He’s being selfish. That sono is done for the babies development and health. Tell him to take off at the 20 week appointment and he’ll be ok.