My SO made me feel guilty that he couldn't come to my sonogram: Advice?

Eh not wrong at all. I get hes sad he missed it but next time just put him on facetime. It’s not fair for him to make you feel that way. With my first and this babe my fiance only comes to the anatomy scan

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My SO didn’t attend any of my sonograms. Not a big deal. Don’t know where you are, but I’m in Canada and we have the option to get pictures taken and printed? I mean, nothing too exciting happens at sonograms, anyways.

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I don’t think you get a choice do you when you get a sono? My doctor never asked just told me we where doing one?

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When you have the one to reveal if its a boy or girl make sure he knows in advance to take off work

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He sounds like a bitch. Good luck

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I would have rescheduled if he want to be involved

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He is being a child!! If it was that important then he would have taken off work to go with you.

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If it was that important to him HE WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TO GO WITH YOU BECAUSE HE IS HIS BABY, work can replace him but his baby cant

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Fuck that. Dont feel guilty for the doctor doing what is a normal procedure. He should have planned better if he wanted to be there.

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There will be many more appointments he can attend. Tell him to get over it and start acting like an adult. He’s going to have to pick his battles better once he’s a dad

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Uh, no. It’s not your fault he had to work. Tell him to take time off next time if he wants to be there.

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Don’t pay him no mind because I’m pretty sure he knew you had an appointment and plus that’s something not all men care about anyways lol Tell him if he really want to be there let you know other than that have a good pregnancy and make sure you rest a lot and eat healthy foods

Tell him to shut the hell up if he really wanted to be there he would’ve made it happen

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World revolve around him much?? :roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:t2: it’s alright-make sure he has fair notice of all upcoming appointments so he can be there.

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Be glad that he wants to be involved most guys aren’t (mine wasn’t I had to force him) schedule them a day he doesn’t work or maybe in his lunch hour

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I’m sorry he missed it but if that’s what your dr wanted to do at your first appt that’s on the dr. No reason why he should make you feel bad.

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He’s just upset, ignore it. A confirmation sono isn’t anything too special. Make sure he can take the day off for the 20 week one theres much more to see on that one.

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It sounds like he is wanting to be as supportive as possible. Not many care during the pregnancy phase. Usually after each appointment you schedule your next one. So just give him the time and day of your next appointment where he can go.

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There will be more! You have a right to want to see your baby. He’s being selfish.

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The ultrasound at the 20 week appointment is way cooler, tell him not to worry!

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He shouldn’t be making you feel guilty. I understand him wanting to be there but that’s not a good sign. In the future when you know you need to have another one ask him his work schedule and try to accommodate. Maybe if he works close enough he can just take a little bit of time off to go.

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Your not wrong. He can go to the next one. Stuff happens.

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U are not wrong. Next time 5ell him in advance so he can 5ake the day off. If he won’t take the day off to go than its on him

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If he dont go sit down somewhere its just a health check up, still mainly looks like a dot but slightly bigger, wait till 20 weeks like the others said that is life, whats he gonna make the school reschedule plays and award ceremonies just bc he has to work to provide please my bf missed all appts bc of work he can see the pics later he needs to grow up

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No. He should’ve requested off work. Those appointments are important. You want to make sure the baby is healthy and everything looks okay. That’s his own fault he wasn’t there, not yours.

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If it was so important he should have taken off work or gone in late :woman_shrugging:

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The doctor wants to check the baby too. It’s not always about what you want or what your husband wants. Your child will come before yourself and each other sometimes. It’s also part of having a child and being a working parent. He will not get to experience all of your child’s first milestones and vice versa.

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I have been through this with my guy… HONESTLY… He will get over it… Sometimes sonograms are like that… They are usually pretty good about scheduling the anatomy scan… tell him to be sure to take off for that one… and if hes still not happy… he can always pay for a private scan :grin:

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He’s being immature imo

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If he doesn’t want to miss thing, he should make it to the appts. The Dr and baby don’t work around his schedule.

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An OB’s schedule continues with or without daddy being present.

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Tell him to take off work for the anatomy scan!!! Its so much better and you see everything.

My boyfriend only went to the 20 week appointment for the gender. And he didn’t really need to go to that one since we knew anyway. If he wants to be there so bad schedule it in his day off or tell him to get the day off but theres literally no reason for him to be mad abiut it

He can boo hoo and get over it… you’ll have another one at 20 weeks, and if he misses that one that’s his fault.

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I mean I could see if he was upset if he didnt know about the apt. But if he did and wanted to go he should’ve have said so you guys could reschedule. You should empathize with his feelings though.

My husband would have been at every appointment if he could have but he had patients of his own to see. So we had to pick and choose which appointments would he really not want to miss and try to coordinate schedules.
Maybe he can schedule a bit better in the future. I know not all employees can just take off without notice or some approval from management.

That said…he should NOT be trying to lay a guilt trip on you.
He should be thrilled you at least got there and everything is ok with the baby.
Not cool of him. I’d have to have a little come to Jesus meeting with him on it.

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They can schedule all of your appointments same day for your pregnancy appointments have them print them all and give them to him if he dont take off thats his fault these doctors dont schedule around him

They have to do that first one to confirm due date and check that their is actually a baby in there growing and not just an empty sac.
As others have said 20 week appt is the one to go to. Or fork out the extra money and go to a speciality clinic to get the 4D pictures done. (My clinic actually did it for me almost every visit but some don’t)

He should’ve requested off to be there. It’s wrong of him to make you feel guilty. Mine is gone 8 days at a time so I try to schedule my appointments when he’s home, if possible. If he can’t be there it’s not a big deal.

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You shouldn’t feel guilty. As much as it sucks that he couldn’t be there. You will have several more chances to see the baby. My doctor checked on my daughter everytime I had an appointment.

He is just really excited and it probably bothered him that he couldn’t be there. Men express their feelings in weird ways and he probably doesnt know how to react right now.

You will realize as the baby grows and you grow. He will also develop cravings and start putting on weight.

It’s wrong of him to guilt trip you, but you can always do FaceTime or something like that so he can be present if work prevents him from attending.
I’d give him the 20 week appointment info well in advance and he can decide if he wants to use PTO or otherwise prioritize attending. In the meantime, enough with the dramatics from him. Not everyone can make every appointment and it’s not like you did it on purpose.

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Not a good start to having a baby. Some times, as parents (well… as humans in general), stuff doesn’t always work out exactly how we want them to, and you just have to move on.

My husband busts his ass for us and he missed majority of my appointments with our 4 pregnancies. He was there for the birth and to cut the cord he saw the pics as soon as he came home. That is the important part. If he wanted to be there so bad he would have found a way to make it work. Making you feel bad is disgusting immature behavior.

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You shouldn’t feel guilty. Maybe he should’ve taken off for your appointment.

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Tell him to grow up, you only have time to deal with one crying baby. He could have taken time off work or understand that these things need to be done and they can’t wait around for a bratty manchild to say it’s ok or he’ll throw a fit. These appointments are important for the prenatal care of the baby, they’re not meant just for fun. Tell him he needs to read a book and perhaps speak to your doctor’s office so they can set him straight.
My husband has gone to every appointment possible but if he can’t take off work he can’t take off and that’s that. He feels bad and hates missing out but what’s important is the baby’s wellbeing. Seriously, what a selfish asshole to stress you out for no reason. My advice, that’s a red flag. Proceed with caution.

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You should remind him that while it is fun to watch the sonograms and see baby, it’s still a medical procedure so that your doctor can ensure the health of your baby (and yours too). There are several independently owned sonogram services that you can pay to go have one that is NOT medically necessary. Tell him to make an appointment for you guys to go have a “fun” one. They’re really not even that expensive.

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He could have asked for the day off

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There will be plenty more

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Honestly, it’s your health. Your body. For him to be so selfish as to say to tell them no…thats assanine. And if he is being this petty now, it will only get worst. The 20 week appt is the most exciting. My SO did not go to every appointment and that’s fine. Sometimes they poke and prod and I didn’t want him in the room when they were s taking my cervix with that fucking winged torture device.

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He should of gotten the day off or asked to leave work and come back. It’s not your fault he didn’t make it

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How would you feel if you missed out on the opportunity to see your baby for the first time? It’s not difficult to schedule a time that works for the both of you. My SO wouldn’t want to miss the chance to see our little fetuses either so I schedule during his lunch breaks

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I’ll be the odd ball here. 1. He has a right to be upset. That’s his child also. I can’t stand how woman think just because they are the ones who are carrying the child that they get to control everything. Did you ask him when, if any, days he had off? So you can schedule it then? We obviously only ever read one side of these stories… and people get so upset if someone says something they don’t agree with. :woman_facepalming:t2: communicate with him. You can’t go back and change what has already happened. However now that you clearly know that him missing these appointments makes him upset, it’s your obligation as well to run dates by him. or tell him wayyy in advance when the next one is. So he can request time off. People keep saying let him boo hoo, are they same ones who will get all pissy if you were saying he didn’t want to be there for it. Your relationship, the child is his and yours, compromise, you don’t need stress. Seriously. That’s why I don’t ask questions up here lol I’d be a hot ass mess reading these comments. Do what’s best for the both of you. And only you two know what that is. Good luck!

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Well it would be his responsibility to ask off work to go so I’m not sure what you were supposed to do? Call his boss? Cancel? He’s a grown up (I think? Maybe?), he should be able to handle his schedule appropriately. Sounds like he has some growing up to do in the next +/- 29 weeks. He has no right to treat you poorly at all.

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My hubby can’t go to this ultrasound with me I’ll be 10 weeks. He’s disappointed but it happens I’ll send him the pictures and an update and he’ll be there for the next. It’s not all about him. The health of baby should come first

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They don’t just let you do sonograms whenever you feel like it. He’s being a baby, tell him he’s got 30 weeks left until he has to give up that title!

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I for one would have been glad if he had of wanted to be there. I can understand him being upset. Sounds like he wanted the experience as well. Maybe work wouldn’t have let him off that day. None of us know the circumstances.

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No hun, you did not do anything wrong! I was in the same situation last year, his daughters graduation was the same day as my ultrasound (which I was dying to go to because we don’t have that stuff here) anyway, I went ahead and didn’t care what was going to be said or do! My baby was more important than a graduation as there will be others to attend to (god’s willing). Don’t feel so guilty, he’s grown!

You’ll have more than that one. He can go to the next one.

That’s ridiculous and controlling. My husband always had to work for my appointments. He knew when they were and if I got an ultrasound, I would be sure to bring pictures back for him.

If your SO really wanted to be there, he could’ve tried to take the time off.

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If he wanted to go…he could’ve taken a little time off from work.and no you’re not being selfish at all.

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My husband travels for work and missed all my ultrasounds except one (and I had about 9 total) it was just part of life. I would just tell him all about it and show him pictures and it was still exciting for the both of us but we both knew what the circumstances were and that we needed to keep an eye on the baby despite if he could be there or not

The most important one is the gender so you wasn’t wrong and he better be able to make that. Hint hint if he really wanted to go he would’ve called in with diarrhea

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My husband was only able to come to one with all three of our children. He knew when the big one was and knew to take off for it. Any other sonogram I of course sent him a photo immediately following the appointment and let him know how everything was going. In his exact words, “I never know if it’s going to be a sonogram, a vagina check, a heartbeat test, so I can’t take off for all of them. Tell me the big ones and I’ll put in for the day off”.

He couldn’t even make the gender one for our first baby. Work wouldn’t give him the time off, and at that time they didn’t offer to write it down for you. They flat out told me. Without him. For our first child. I found a nice way to surprise him when he got home that day and he’s never once held it against me.

Point is, he knew when the appointment was. You are 11 weeks. You didn’t just make this appointment, and he could have put in for the time off or called in sick.

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He should of left work then if he’s so sensitive about it.

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It might be different here but we book appointments for ultrasounds so we know when they are going to happen and can make sure the date and time fit for everyone.
Im so glad my partner wanted to be there and having those memories together.
I can see why he’s upset about missing out on that I know I would be if I was in his shoes.

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Lol you not wrong he’ll get over it show him some pictures😂

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He should have went then. Told work he had an appt

You guys make me feel blessed.
My boyfriend’s been at his job for years they’ve built a family relationship. Over the past 9 months he hasn’t missed a single appointment. When we schedule our appointments hes next to me on his phone putting in for that day. Any time I’ve had to make unfortunate hospital visits he’s been there. I mean Friday I have to see a cardiologist because I was prescribed Prilosec for acid problems around Halloween and had to stop taking it before Christmas due to heart complications he put in for work.
If your S/O wanted to be there depending on how long hes been at his job he will find a way.
Also, If he asks his boss he should receive family leave when the baby comes. I’m not sure if he receives PTO but have him stack that over the next 8 months. He can use that PTO time to be with you and your baby on top of the family leave.
That’s what my boyfriend is doing.

I’m sorry but if he really wanted to be there he would have asked for a few hrs off work to make it. The father of my little boy (currently 20wks pregnant) took time off work and had to drive an hr to where I live to attend our scan before driving an hr back to where he is currently staying and went back to work. We aren’t even in a relationship.

I mean you also know your appointments in advance so he had time…

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if its your first baby then girl honestly going the next day or takin a afternoon appt wouldnt do you harm, let him be excited its his first not to many men care to go to sonograms… i tell you from experience my bd didnt care to go …

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Sounds immature and selfish. You aren’t going to hold off on seeing your pregnancies progress because of someone else’s schedule

You should have waited for him, it’s his baby too

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U can kn now baby is doing good with out a sonogram lol thats the stupidest thing ive ever heard. Anyways. Tell him. To get over it and come to the anatomy scan. Thats the one that matters most in my opinion

You do what the medical professionals recommend, for the well being of your child. End of story.

There’s a million jobs in this world. Special moments in life don’t punch a time clock. He needs to get over his self! I worked OBGYN for years. I assure you that US was 100% about your childs progress of developing healthy. He should be ashamed!

How long did he know about the sonogram could he have asked off or could you have waited to do it until his day off? I don’t think he should make you feel guilty BUT you are very lucky that he wants to be part of the parenting process with you. So many men don’t care or will accuse the woman of having an affair and say it’s not their baby. Be thankful for a husband that wants to parent with you and things like a sono appointments are important to him.

My husband took time off work to go to every appointment with our first. Sonograms aren’t taken just so you can see the baby, they need to take measurements and check organ growth. Is he gonna be mad when you give birth and he’s at work or is he gonna dad up and take time off? Tell him to grow up.

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As a mother of 5 I can say if you SO wants to be there like really be there they will make a way I mean its not like we randomly make an appt for that day they know ahead of time thats on him we know weeks before when our next appt is and if they cant make it they cant make it seriously get over it dont feel guilty also saying this as I’ve hid my last 2 preganacies from everyone but my SO if they wanna be there they’ll make a way

He sounds like an idiot. If he wanted to be there, he would have made the time. My SO made all the ultrasound appointments. The other ones neither of us cared if he attended. It’s his fault he wasn’t there. Those doctor appts are to check the health of you and your developing baby. The dads that go should be there to support mom and baby, not make mom feel bad because he missed one appt.

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what would he do if you had to give birth and he had to work? It’s on him to be available, and sometimes work makes it impossible to be there, and it’s on the mama to take care to have a healthy pregnancy, which is what the sonogram is for.

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Omg he needs to get a life and get over himself … grow up man

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My husband only went to my very last appointment and that’s because it rained that day and he was sent home. We always struggled money wise so we could not take any days off. I was working too and went on the days I didnt work. His company is very strict and it was his first year so no PTO no sick days. Only until I had baby did he miss work on that one day and the rest of the week I had to stay at the hospital he still went to work and came back in the evening. If he really wanted to be there he shouldve asked for the day off instead of making you feel guilty.

Okay first of all, she is not the one in the wrong here. I guarantee he knew this appointment was coming and should have asked for time off. She can’t keep putting off important checks (sonograms are all about checking health of baby) just because he didn’t take the time off or wasn’t able to. I’m sure they got pictures and he can go to the next one. He’ll survive. Being a responsible parent that can provide for kids also unfortunately means missing out on some stuff in order to make that money :woman_shrugging:t3: life goes on.

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Actually by law since your the one with the appointment he’s not required to be there if you told the nurse you didn’t want him there they’d kick him out even if he is the father and you are married

There are certain things and certain times that a doctor needs to see you they set up the appointments for you on certain days for a reason

The man bashing here on this page is fucking ridiculous. This dude has a right to be upset- maybe he didn’t know they were going to do one & would have made more of an effort to attend if so. Calling him names & telling him to get over himself is a bitch move. It’s his kid too & she’s lucky he WANTS to be involved. This type of “screw him & his feelings” attitude is exactly why half of y’all are gonna end up single Moms. Grow the hell up.

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My boyfriend wasn’t able to make it to my first one. But my sister and her best friend got to be there. And my doctor let my sister record it for it him to see. (Normally they don’t always let you) He was only able to make it to a handful of my appointments. I told him it wasn’t necessary to be at all of them. He should not be making YOU feel guilty for putting your health and the babies first. It’s important to get those checks on time.

Could he not take off? You can’t just have an ultrasound scheduled and then go to your appointment and say “my so isn’t here, can we postpone the ultrasound?” They don’t do that :woman_facepalming:t3: Checking to make sure baby is growing properly and measuring correctly is more important than feelings. Moving forward I would just make sure that you both know your schedules so that he can be at appointments and not miss anything else.

he’s a grown ass man if he can’t handle taking a day off to attend thats his own damn problem. Drs usually tell you in advance when they get the sonogram done he had time to schedule for that day off. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Maybe if you video chatted him during the time… but I definitely don’t blame you, I woulda done the same. Beside I usually try to schedule on days we’re both off. But it doesn’t always work that way. I also understand him wanting to be there for the first appt.

Tell him it’s time to grow up. When you become a parent, things never work out as planned! Time to get used to it!

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I can understand why he’s upset, he wants to see his baby too. He shouldn’t guilt you though. If he wants to go to ultrasound appointments he needs to take PTO or ask his boss. You shouldn’t skip ultrasound appointments just because he can’t be there. My boyfriend made it to all my prenatal and postpartum appointments because we worked them around his schedule and he took PTO if needed since I was high risk and some appointments the time/date wasn’t up to us. I always tried to work everything around what worked for him though.

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He probably wants that too. Just next time try making the appointment for when he’s free. If he still doesn’t go them it’s his fault. You can only try to make it earlier for him to go. Just tell him that you’ll make the next appointment for when he can go. That should help his being upset

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He sounds hungry. People are only that dramatic when they haven’t eaten.

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It was her first appointment so there is no way they knew there would be an ultrasound done. Poor guy actually cares about the pregnancy. So many don’t. There will be more and the next will show the gender. Make sure he is there for that one. And try to see it from his point of view. He isn’t growing the baby. Seriously consider yourself blessed. My ex wasn’t ever super into my pregnancies.

Leave him now, trust me. You don’t need that kind of crazy raising your kid.

Sad that he couldn’t go but you will have one more sonogram. Where the baby is much bigger and that’s when you get to find out the gender. Hopefully your doctor let’s you know when that appointment is so he can take time off and be part of that. It is a little rus of him to make you feel guilty, you made the appointment he should of had time to take it off.

Theres plenty more he can go to,

He can be in his feelings. If he can’t take off work that’s on him, he shouldn’t tell you how the doctor visits go, that is up to your doctor’s. They can schedule all your appointments now for the whole pregnancy. If you want him to come , give him all the dates and if he misses them, that’s on him, you gave him notice