I have a baby that just turned three months old, and he was kind of a surprise, but absolutely adored. Now his dad, (we have three kids total together) is refusing to have sex because he is “terrified” I’ll get pregnant again. I can’t use hormonal birth control because it severely negatively affects me, and I’m not ready to tie my tubes yet. I bought a box of condoms and even offered to use vaginal stuff and track my periods, but he is avoiding me like the plague and its starting to get to me… this has started to cause a lot of anger and resentment between both of us and its beginning to be like walking on eggshells. We have been together almost ten years so no I’m not going to pack up and leave just because of lack of intimacy, but how do I stop feeling wounded or rejected and live daily without being angry (let’s face it I KNOW I am not the only gal that gets bitchy after going a time without getting any…)
He’s not interested in getting a vasectomy?
Flick the bean yourself. No risk of pregnancy, you know when you get off and less mess.
They do have non hormonal birth control
Uhhh 2 can play that game ya know? I’m sure he’s no fucking 10 anymore . I say petty is as petty does .
Damn. Try to be a little understanding. Give him some time. Isn’t that what we’re always telling men when we’re not interested?
I have a mirena, I’m hormone sensitive. Maybe look into that or he could get the snip.
If he won’t do penetration, see if he will do other stuff. Oral, fingers, toys. Try some mutual masturbating. This way there is still some intimacy
My shower head works great 
Girl buy a vibrator. He’ll get over it eventually.
Ask your dr about the mini pill, is a low does hormone!!
Copper IUD no hormones
Opposite for me, I wouldn’t let my ex husband touch me after our son in case I fell preg again. No way was that happening again. We split shortly after and by 27 I had my tubes tied.
Tell him to take his scared arse for a vasectomy then, if he refuses then I guess you’ll know you’ll have a sexless relationship and can move forward.
Tell him to source precautions!! Not just you xx
Vasectomy… simple as …
If he doesn’t want anymore children with you or anyone else tell him to take precautions on his own.
Give him time, he’s got a valid reason for not jumping ya. I’m sure he’s not enjoying it either. He’s allowed to have the feelings he’s having. Until then, I’d take care if the problem yourself. Don’t think of cheating or playing games like some would suggest. Another thing is, is sex reeeeeally that important you don’t want to put his feelings in there?
they have birth control out now with no hormons. I hear they are good, I would look into it if I were you.
Crazy how so many are just saying for him to get a vasectomy!! She’s the one that wants sex, let her get her tubes tied/burnt!! Obviously she can’t do any counting or keep track of her period if they already have a child that wasn’t planned for!! Plus there are plenty of birth control that don’t contain hormones, why can’t her lazy ass get on one of those?? It’s crazy the double standards and hypocrisy so many females have on this page towards men!!
It’s him with the problem, he knows what he needs to do to prevent it.
Why cant he just have a vasectomy?
If he won’t, another one will…
My x did this it became apparent he had been cheating all along when m bub was a newborn but started before Baby was born
Maybe not in your case but I would be wondering why he won’t
Then it’s time he take further control of the situation and get a vasectomy.
Paragard iud is non hormonal and effective up to 12 years
Okay basically from what I’m reading in this story she gets pregnant extremely easily can I take birth control now after three kids she doesn’t want to tie her tubes I get that part 2 maybe she wants one more
It sounds to me like he doesn’t want anymore children I’m not saying pack up and leave but this is something she should really discuss with him and decide whether or not another child is that important
If you want sex that bad you will go get non hormonal birth control to solve your problem. You are in control of this situation whether you want to believe that or not. His reasons are valid.
If he doesn’t want anymore kids his ass can get cut. It’s less painful. More easily reversed and has faster healing progress.
Ok so seriously wow… men are allowed to say no too. They are not sex machines and well if you just had a surprise baby dude might be handling it a little differently. Plus if you aren’t willing to actually do a little more to prevent cause sounds like no precautions were taken before he could be afraid your trying to trick him into another one. Sorry if your that frustrated do it yourself, stop forcing your SO into sex when he doesn’t want it.
He needs to get a vasectomy if he’s so concerned ! Getting your tubes tied is a lot more serious of surgery!! Since he’s the one that doesn’t seem to want more kids he should do something about it then!
The same thing happened to me with 3rd child .My husband at the time above me for 8th months it got real bad and here am I s8ngle after 10yrs and 3 kids …Good luck !
Look up VCF (vaginal contraceptive film) sold at Wal-Mart target ect. It’s a non hormonal form of pregnancy prevention. I’ve been using it for years and a very regular period and have not had a scare in 6 years. Maybe instead of trying to convince the man, try jumping him randomly, dress up. But make sure you keep talking to him. His feeling are legit and okay too. But so are yours.
I’m not sure why people keep asking questions of this group and exposing themselves to a bunch of uncaring, opinionated, and ignorant people that argue back and forth and forget that this person is waiting for some REAL help. I’m not that knowledgeable in this area but I suggest you talk to a professional or someone that actually cares about you. Good luck
If he doesn’t want anymore suggest vasectomy.Recovery is way less time than you getting your tubes tied
There IS birth control you can take. Its absolute bullshit that you can’t. Sounds like you want another baby and he doesn’t. His feelings matter too. Go to your doctor and get a non-hormonal birth control and stop making excuses. Look up a paragard iud which is non-hormonal.
Vasectomy is what he should do. You refer to him as the dad. Not husband. So I’m guessing commitment isnt something you two share? Why do you want more children? Not my business but hopefully you can afford those and the more you want. It’s a simple solution he has to do it if your not willing to. And how is this going to affect your relationship? Your wanting more kids, he doesnt so theres already strain there. What happens if he does it? Are ya still going to be together?
Sounds like he needs to man up and get a vasectomy and be done with it. Works for both and he will have to use condoms after the surgery or there will be another baby (doctors recommend 10 times after surgery) then he’ll be shooting blanks. You may want to also have him checked for OFF HORMONES aka erectile dysfunction which can happen at any age. Loss of intimacy is a sign if he’s not cheating. Of course hormone treatment for men can cause cancer also. A lot of discussions ahead and finding out if medical or not and then if he decides to do a vasectomy. NEVER take his lack of interest as a reflection of you. Most couples become even closer when sex is not ruling the relationship, they become friends on another level. It’s no different when women go through the change and don’t want sex…it’s part of getting older.
Invest in some toys…
He should get a vasectomy. Also, you can have intimacy without penetration. Can’t get pregnant with oral sex or sex toys either.
Well, couple of issues…1st thing you say is that the 3 month old was kind of a surprise… so unplanned for… Would it be safe to assume that you will be doing all the same things you were doing before your “surprise” he may not trust you. Unfortunately he maybe didnt want a 3rd. And yet here you are. A 3rd that he is responsible for. This can put alot of pressure on a man. It’s bad… men love sex! 10 yrs- maybe things are a lil stale. Work on yourself, stop worrying about sex. Let you two get settled on the new lil one. And it’ll come back naturally. Forcing him will only push him away further.
He can have a vasectomy since you’ve had three babies
Then he should get snipped if he is worried. It doesn’t have to fall on you for ways to prevent pregnancy. If he doesn’t go for that then there’s a deeper issue going on , I’m not suggesting he’s cheating it could be many different things physically or emotionally going on with him
I think the better conversation for you two to be having isn’t the impasse over sex, but the impasse over whether to have more kids or not.
For some people the idea of three kids is terribly daunting. To then add to that anxiety by creating the possibility of a fourth when someone is struggling with the idea of the third unexpected arrival will only make things worse.
Before anyone engages in birth control that may be permanent, it would be prudent to discuss why he’s done, and why you aren’t. That is the real root of your problem, not the sex.
He’s allowed to set limits for the number of children he wants to have. He’s allowed to be done, and then go have a vasectomy as so many have suggested, in many cases with rather much snark, but that doesn’t help this woman. She doesn’t want to tie her tubes because she’s not done having babies yet and him having a vasectomy doesn’t help them any because it solidifies her being done having babies without giving her any say or control.
I suggest counseling or mediation to have a safe place to talk through your differing life paths and how to meet back up.
My advice? Keep your personal stuff personal no one wants to hear about your sex life it’s disgusting. It’s private thing between you and your husband I’m sure he doesn’t let the whole world knowing. So when you wonder why you’re not getting sex part of it is probably because you’re busy blabbing about your problems to everybody and it turns him off.
Maybe he should get a vasectomy since he clearly doesn’t want more kids that would solve that problem for him forever
There always anal sex
intimacy doesn’t always require penetration …there’s other things u can do together n not worry bout getting prego…talk to your SO about it
He can fix that by getting a VASECTOMY!!!
why on earth can’t he get a vasectomy?? he needs to man up.
Three kids and your mad he doesnt want more. What are you leaving out? Did you stop taking birth control before and not tell him. That sounds more plausible than this story. Besides there are non hormonal contraceptives
Simple really…You gave birth to all them beautiful babies time for him to grow a brain and get of his lazy arse and go get a vasectomy!
How about he get a vasectomy if he doesn’t want to make any more babies? Why does it always have to be up to the woman?!
- He needs a vasectomy. 2. You need a hidden camera. He’s cheating.
Maybe it’s a communication issues, you seem to want more kids maybe, since you aren’t ready for the tube tie off, maybe he doesn’t want any more? Sounds like you need to sit and really talk about things, tell him how it makes you feel, what can you two do to fix it or at least get some pleasure?
They just came out with a non hormonal birth control.
The first and most important thing to do is to talk to each other properly. Every ones first opinion is birth control for him or her. When you don’t really know if he doesn’t want any more kids. He just doesn’t wont any more rite now. There are many ways to be intimate and be sexualy satisfied without the chance of pregnancy. But nothing will help if your head isent in the rite place. Your mind is your biggest sexual organ. So until his head is rite you cannot expect much. Talk to each other about your feelings and needs. There is no quick fix like everyone is suggesting.
I told my husband I didn’t want anymore kids after our fourth one. It’s okay to not have sex in fear of having another child. His reasons are valid.
He should get a vasectomy.
Why not try a non hormonal IUD. Like a cooper one. Then it’s not hormonal and it’s birth control. He’s probably going to secretly just get a vasectomy…that’s what mine would do if he didn’t want anymore babies
If he’s so afraid of the idea of you becoming pregnant again, why doesn’t he go get snipped? Since he doesn’t want to use condoms those are really his only birth control options, aside from the obvious abstinence 🤷
Iud, I can’t take the pill, I’m not ready to be done done but don’t want anymore kids at this moment. Iud was/is my only option and it’s worked fine this last year I’ve had it. I did bleed a lot the first 6 months but now I’m regulated once a month!
Tell him to get a vasectomy. It’s a small ordeal for them and can be reversed.
Tell him to get a vasectomy 
avoiding pregnancy isnt always a womans job and if yall are done having kids then why not (idk if you are I’m just saying IF)
Where in the world did it come from that that has the woman’s responsibility? Be a man, go get a vasectomy.
Copper IUD that’s is what I did after my loved but unexpected baby
So get a non hormonal birth control to make him feel more comfortable, you saying you don’t want to tie your tubes yet seems like you want more kids, and maybe he’s not ready for anymore kids right now, especially considering you just had one 3 months ago. I don’t think it’s fair to say he should go get snipped if you’re not wanting to get your tubes tied.
My tubes are tied and I’m still scared to be with my husband. 4 birth control babies and a tubal pregnancy that fixed itself has me completely turned off to the idea of sex.
They make other kinda of birth control. He is being smart. He doesn’t want another child and already has a surprise baby. #1 way to avoid pregnancy is to not have sex lol.
Tell him to get a vasectomy
Tell him to get a vasectomy it’s reversible
Probably cheating honestly. I hope that’s not the case tho
Screw someone else since he won’t give it up. Why should you go without?
Uhhhh Vasectomy. 
Make him have a vasectomy problem solved
If he is standing his ground as a dude not having sex than he is obviously serious that he doesn’t want more kids. You’ve made the choice for both of you that you aren’t done having kids and hes made the choice for both you that there will be no possibility of it happening so either your gonna have an adult open minded conversation about what needs to be done to make you both happy or your relationship will continue to deteriorate.
Don’t count on a tubal to be an end all to pregnancy. You CAN still get pregnant with/after a tubal surgery. The only ways to 100% prevent it is abstinence, hysterectomy, or menopause.
Paraguard IUD. It’s non hormonal and you can remove it at anytime.
If your husband truly love and cherish his marriage ,he would not have taken such a drastic step. There’s more to it than he letting on. And no I don’t get bitchy when I go months or years without being intimate. I go to the gym and take care of me. Men always have an excuse when they have a hidden agenda. See a marriage counselor. The truth will come out and he doesn’t want to see one then you got your answer.
He can get a snip. And there are other activities that don’t lead to pregnancy but still allow intimacy and relief.
Definitely talk more, there’s probably more to it than just fear of pregnancy
I understand his reason, my daughter was a suprise (i was on the pill) and i did the exact same thing to my partner i wouldn’t go near him, i was terrified of getting pregnant again, my daughter is 13 months now and we’ve just started being intimate again, your baby is 3 months so maybe everything’s still pretty hectic, talk to him and ask what can be done to get your sex life back on track, would he consider a vasectomy? You could get the coil? Or implant? Do you get some time to yourselves? Because it’s very easy (and sometimes avoidable) to get lost in the children and forget about each other… 10 years is along time to throw away, i hope you can come up with a solution 
Its been 3 months…did you even get the ok from your doctor yet ?
Give it a little time
Set him down and talk face to face. I’m 38 weeks with baby #3 and due anyday. My man hasn’t messed with me since I was 34 weeks pregnant. Birth control does the same to me. I plan on if he doesn’t want to love on me after i get the okay from my obgyn. Using toys in front of him, dressing up sexy, and ect, but cheating or asking him to get fixed is out. Also go buy plan B and show him you are will to keep from getting pregnant again anytime soon.
There needs to be a conversation. Your SO is CLEARLY done having kids and you CLEARLY aren’t. It not fair to make a man sleep with you without “protection”. Timing your period doesn’t always work. Yes you can use condoms but thats not the sex life he wants. You cannot make the decision for everyone here. Allow him to get a vasectomy or you can try no hormonal bitch control like the Copper IUD Paragard. Sex is not a one way street.
I’m on the other side of this. I dont want it because I dont want another child. I avoid it too. And let me tell you it feels bad. I feel so terrible every time I shoot him down. I bet your man is feeling bad too but the fear of another child makes it difficult. Maybe talk to him about a vasectomy. That way you can still get it on, and there is no worries about more. Plus, it’s less painful for a man, its outpatient. You would be put under for a major surgery. Good luck!
I can relate to him! Because I suffer from PPD really bad after giving birth. Now I’m so scared that it’ll happen again. We even do b things to prevent it and I’m still scared. I’d let him get a vasectomy maybe.
Talk to him! Don’t stop communication! You can find some middle ground, something you can both agree to, if you talk it out! No one said it was going to be easy. Love takes work!
I’d be having a serious talk with him about this. That’s no way to live. This should be an exciting time with a new baby, not tense and miserable. Discuss options STAT. Both of your feelings are valid.
Tell his ass to get a vasectomy if he’s so worried about it. It’s an outpatient procedure, and can be reversed if you change your mind later.
Looks like he needs to man up and get the snippety snip if he’s going to be like that.
I dont understand you cant make that choice for him you want more kids if he doesnt and jesus 3 children isnt enough? i think you guys need to sit down and talk about one of you being sterilized i dont see why you even need more children and why you arent taking him into consideration 3 children plus you is alot for a man to have to take care of im sure hes gonna stay away from you if it means its just gonna give him more children to care for
My kids father and I have been together 7 years. I’m getting my tubes tied in a couple weeks. Our youngest just turned 2 months. He couldn’t wait til I had it done, so we use condoms because neither of us want anymore kids. I guess it just depends on the person honestly. I’d give him some time. After 10 years he’s going to eventually want to have it again. But I understand where he’s coming from if you don’t want your tubes tied I’d be afraid of you getting pregnant too and knowing condoms is what you’ll be using until well forever since you also don’t use birth control. Id personally avoid sex.
After one “oopsie baby” he clearly doesn’t trust you to manage yourself without becoming pregnant. You should probably respect his fears and talk to your doctor about other BC options or he has every right to avoid intimacy
My husband was like this after number 5. It lasted for about a year, we would occasionally have sex but he was terrified the entire time lol. Now he is completely over that crazy fear, but I got so use to the lack of it that I’m the one hardly in the mood anymore. There also may be some underlying issues, and I can say men can be very weird so it may be something completely off the wall lol. Here was our issue… Apparently the birth of the youngest traumatized him. She was large and got stuck at her shoulders and was still in the sack. TMI, he said she looked like an alien head just dangling out of me. He still can hardly talk about it. THIS is what he was actually scared of, not necessarily me getting pregnant again (even though that was a fear because we have so many), but it was the fear of seeing anything like that again or ever being in a delivery room again. The kids and I bring it up occasionally because we die laughing as he turns pale and starts to gag talking about it. 
Like I said, men can be weird and it may be an underlying issue with your husband.
tell him how you feel
We havent had sex since we conceived my 2.5 year old. He is on medication and afraid to have another one so i just deal with it.
Vasectomy. You can have tubes tied. Two options that work. No meds needed.
He needs to cowboy up and get a vasectomy. It’s much easier for him to have the procedure than for you to have your tubes tied, plus, there can be complications for you down the road and the recovery time is shorter for him and doesn’t require hospitalization. Vasectomies are 99% effective, but, you need to use protection until you get 2 negative
results showing no sperm in the ejaculate. Good luck.
It was actually opposite for us, i did not want to b touched after having my 3rd 2 months ago, he was the one who wanted it. Best advice i can give is to sit down and communicate with him n see if there is a compromise that will work for both of u.