So my SO has been invited to celebrate his best friend’s daughter’s 21st in New Zealand (we live on the west coast of Australia). He hasn’t been home in six years. We have two boys who will be 3y 4m and a 13m old at the time of the event. He wants us all to go for six days. With travel time, that is really only 4.5 days. (Travel time is 12 hours over two flights…with two small kids). The time difference is 4 hours. I would like to go for “the holiday”, but from my perspective…it will be effing hard work. Kids out of sorts, jet lag…visiting people whose houses aren’t kid-friendly. My perspective is that that the kids will be completely screwed up with naps/sleep, and it’s not worth it for such a short period. I have (genuinely) offered to stay home with the kids so SO can go on his own and enjoy himself…but apparently, he didn’t like that offer because he wants us all to go. I don’t think he realizes how hard it will be. Am I the arsehole??
Why not give it a try? Meet in the middle. Most men wouldn’t even push you coming, he is. 
life isn’t promised, live like its your last.
I have traveled by myself with our three boys often to meet up with my husband. From them being babies to toddlers. It’s not so hard and you might have a lot of fun!
Did you say all this to him? Your point sounds reasonable with such young children. He maybe thinking he wants his family all together which isnt a bad thing. Ask if he is going to be willing to forgo certain things if the kids need him instead.
Nooooo I wouldn’t do it either! It’s such effort getting the kids into routine for it to be screwed for the sake of a few days & 12 hours travelling with them hell nahhh! 
tell him to enjoy it! X
You’re not an arsehole, at all, and your assessment of the situation is right. That being said…consider going. I have all of these concerns every time we travel, even when it’s a trip I REALLY want to make, and once I’m there I’m always really glad we did it. Is it possible to extend the trip? I mean my thought process is the exact same as yours. And the distance we travel for trips is about the same, but I love making memories with our family and having photos and experiences to look back on. I have never regretted going anywhere once we are there, even when it is just for 4 days. I hope you figure it out Ma! Just know you aren’t alone.
Why not meet in the middle , find a sitter so you and him can go .
Nope! I felt the same way with my twins! It’s really hard work controlling kids in an unfamiliar place. As long as it doesn’t cause big problems for you and your SO, I’d say stand firm. 
I often voted to stay home as well.
U are not wrong for not wanting to go. My advice is to go! He wants all of u to go. Can’t tell u how many post I see of women complaining their spouse don’t even look @ them. Ik it’s hard with kids but hey u might have a really good time 
I think its ridiculous to use the kids as an excuse. People travel with kids every day. It’s not that big of a deal to have their schedule messed up for a vacation. Go and have fun and dont be such a debbie downer! Make memories as a family.
Maybe you can find someone to keep your children so you can both go as a couple and just enjoy being husband and wife?
If he hasn’t been home in awhile I understand how he feels. If he promised to help with the kids go. You may have a wonderful time.
Um your kids need to learn how to adapt and he wants his family with . I would go but only if he is the pitch in type of dad and it’s a us thing with the kids and gear . Have fun lighten up take a break from the reg schedule.
Dude. Travel. Find a sitter. Go with him!!
It would be a great experience for the kids and how do you know they won’t enjoy the flight? they may surprise you and behave better then you expect. It’s never an easy task travelling with kids but we can’t not do it because it’s in the ‘too hard’ bucket…
God no I find it hard just traveling on public transport to the local town never mind having to take two flights over 12 hours , I defo couldn’t and wouldn’t want to do it with kids so young x
My fiance doesn’t get how much stress it is to go with kids either.
I took my 16 month old from the US to Ireland by myself, full days travel, to see my husband. It really wasn’t that bad. If he hasn’t been home in that long I’d suck it up and go. It’s not like he asks twice a year. It’ll be a fun adventure. I understand not wanting to go, but just try to think of things differently, could be fun.
Go visit you husbands home. An effort and a few days of changes isnt the end. Hes proud of his family and wants them there. But he should help to make it easier for you since its very true what your saying.
You only live once, but even as hard as it MIGHT turn out to be, it may also be a GREAT tine for all of you! I say …take the chance!!
Maybe he wants his friends and family to meet his children to people travel with kids all the time go enjoy life no need to be super sheltered just because of naps and such
Go. Ik it’s going to be hard work but it’ll also be a lot of fun enjoy your kids. Go for the family memories
You’re using your kids as an excuse and you are holding them back from travelling and experiences new opportunities
You are just not going to do anything because it’s a bit of a hassle? It’s sweet of you to tell him to go and not be annoyed but I’d tell him if you go then he needs to be 100% on board
Maybe he wants his family and friends to see the family he has made and is proud of. Sleeping schedules etc. can be fixed within a week or two of getting home. Do this for him.
Just go. My husbands family is in Mexico and there is only one way for our kids to see them. It’s daunting for sure but ultimately the kids love being there and once I’m there, so do I.
Why are u stressing about things that havent even happened yet? Some things in life u just have to do wether you like it or not. Your kids will be fine, you will have a great time, and your partner will be thankful.
I think using the kids is an excuse, this would be fun and a good experience for all of you and kids. They might just surprise you. And you make it seem like its gunna be all up to you. I’m sure many of the people there and women will be willing to help and hold baby and let you have fun. I think you should go. And you are just making excuses… just try something new for a change and just do it! Your hubby wants your company badly and wants to show off not only you and his kids. If he is a great father and husband give him this. I’m sure it would make him very happy to have to all be there with him
We did it and the kids adapt and fly well. It’s worth the effort
He hasn’t been home in six years? He wants to take his family home and let everyone meet his kids and you don’t want to go because it’s hard??? What if the shoe was on the other foot? What if it was you who hadn’t been to see your family friends, but when the opportunity to see them presented itself HE said no because it’s hard? I mean, really, to me it sounds incredibly selfish on your part. You’re basically telling him that you family and friends aren’t worth the effort. I can only imagine how hurt he feels by that.
I would go. He probably wants to ‘show off’ he’s family and for he’s friends to meet he’s family as well. The kids will adapt and be fine plus sleeping schedules can always be fixed back to normal. Enjoy a family trip and make some family memories.
If he hasn’t been home in 6 years, suck it up and go. It’s the least you could do.
Yes you’re being an asshole.
Nope I think you’re generous and completely sensible
Go see his family he hasnt seen them in so long. We drive 10+ hrs with 9 kids just to see family and its fine.
It will absolutely be a lot of work, but 6 days isn’t like a weekend trip. Tell your husband he will have to give you time off from caring for the kids while you’re there, and pull his half of the weight. If you don’t believe he will help, then tell him that’s why you won’t go. In which case get one of your parents to take themand go just the 2 of you.
It will be hard for sure, but I would go I’d I could at all swing it
Family should have the right to see the kids. Yes you’re being unreasonable. Go and enjoy the time away from home. It’s really not going to be as hard as you think. This is part of the sacrifice you make when getting in a relationship and having kids with someone. I’m in America and my husbands family is all in Burma. If we had the opportunity to go visit them, bet your ass we are going as a family.
I’d say go. Nothing you do with kids is going to be easy. You’re a parent. This is your life now. Keep living it.
Go. We take our 2,5,6,7,10 year old once a year on a “Vacation” and it’s the thing they talk about the most and remember. It will be hard but so worth it
All of you telling her to suck it up and go for the SO sake. If she’s not comfortable doing it because of the kids schedules, dont tell her otherwise
Be glad he wants you all to go. Go. You will maybe be pleasantly surprised. Just ask him ti help you when needed.
I think you should go. Your husband’s not been home for years, this is important to him. Your kids get to meet family and go somewhere new. Yes, it’s hard but it’s up to him too. Of course he wants his family to come home with him
It is hard with kiddos to travel… but u cant just not go places when u have kids cuz they will never learn how to go places if they never go
Dont miss out on making memories because of anxiety over what could happen. Go and enjoy it. There may be someone there that adores babies and lends a helping hand.
Awee that’s sweet he really wants you to go! Just suck it up he hasn’t been home in such a long time imagine if it was roles reverse. Wouldn’t you be hurt with your SO saying your happiness is to much work? Kids are hard but I’m sure he will help especially if he asked for you guys as a family to go. I wont say your an asshole but I think your being harsh to his feelings.
Don’t ask questions about what you want just do it your old enough to hold lives in your hands so you can use your noodle too lol
What about the adventure of it. The memories, the reflection y’all will have as a family. If you get through it just think yall can get through it all together as a family. I’d go period. Life is way to short to wait on themto be the right age. 
Life don’t stop just because you have children. If they’d do it for your kids then it should be done in return.
Girl, I’d be the same way if I had more than one child and they were all super young 
Personally, I’d tell hubby to go by himself and go hangout with his family/friends and relax. And if you do decide to go, then he needs to promise to help take care of you and the kiddos like he would if y’all were home. But that’s just me! 
I say go. You never know how well they actually might do unless you try…
No your not. Traveling disrupts a child’s schedule. And some kids react badly to this.
We have driven with an infant from one side of the U.S to the other and done so again recently and he’s now 4 yrs old. They will be fine, might even sleep on the plane. Yes it will be hard but it will be even harder for you to take care of them on your own while he’s gone.
You need to go! Make these memories now… you will wish you had. And if MY husband wanted all of us with him, I would never tell him no. And I mean nothing by that. I know as a mother of 3 under the age of 5, It sounds like nothing ubt too much work and not enough sleep, but the memories will be worth it, I promise you.
If hes going to help out then yeah y not go but I would make that very clear !!
I personally think I’ve made choices like that and then end up regretting them. sometimes when you just go over all you’ll be glad you did. But if you truly want to stay behind that’s cool too.is there any option for someone to watch her kids while you’re gone which is hard as a mom to leave them for that long but they will survive.
You need to go especially since your husband wants you and his kids with him it’s challenging traveling with young kids buts it’s doable and it’s family time together when my boys were young my husband at the time and I would go go everywhere with them plane or driving and they were 7/3/1 and as they got older they had grown accustomed to traveling and loved it and were well behaved for 3 boys and now that there older 26/21/19they go anywhere it’s great experience for them and how many husbands wouldn’t pass up a chance to travel kid/wife free but yours wants you there which is so sweet and he will help you with the kids take the trip enjoy family time and seeing your friends making memories is priceless and a privilege denied to many
Honestly with kids that young I wouldnt go either. Their immune systems arent great, they are all on a certain schedule and still figuring life out. I would just tell SO “look, it’s hard to care for all 3 kids at home let alone in strange places, and this holiday is seemingly important to you, so I’m going to offer again for you to go alone, just think about it. I would love to join you this year, but the kids are just too small, but maybe next year we can all tag along?” And if he says no then let him pout about it. Taking literal babies 12 hours on two flights, with a 4 hour time difference is going to be a nightmare. If he doesnt get that then he isnt very understanding and eventually he will either get it or just continue to be a child, the rest is up to you guys lol
I have traveled with a 2 month old, 4 year old, 6 year old and two 7 year Olds. I would go for sure. I think your over thinking it. Just go with the flow and enjoy your self.
I wouldn’t go. It’s hard when the children are that young. Sometimes husbands don’t think of all the pros and cons very well.
He wants to take his kids his home. X
I think if u love ur SO u would go. It’s his family also that is there. Suck it up and go. No need to complain parenting arent easy at home or someplace else.
Definitely go… memories worth any hassles…nice to see a man want to spend time with family
If he’s a hands on father… go on the trip, if you are gonna have to maintain all of the responsibilities during trip stay home !
They may never get another chance to meet their older ancestors. It will be wonderful for him to show off his family! Don’t deny him that pride because it’s inconvenient.
Id go and have 6 small kids
Depends on how much of a help he is… if he’s not and you’ll be doing everything then I’d stay home. If he helps a lot, I’d be down in an instant! Kids can get really caught up in all the new surroundings in a good way!
Go! He wants his family to meet his kids. Sometimes that means disrupting the schedule, losing sleep and one or more babies losing their sh°t once or twice but memories will be made.
I’ve taken my (at the time) 4 month old 2500 miles for a 7 hour surgery by MYSELF.
I’ve taken my special needs 5 year old (who is worse than a teething toddler) and my one year old to visit my husbands family. While i was sick with a massive kidney infection.
If i can do it you can do it.
The kids will readjust. This is something incredibly precious you can give your husband and i think its important for all of you.
I traveled with a 2 year old and 6 month old this march, was a 6 hour flight, it was okish. I say go and try to enjoy yourself, it might be better than you think
If you dont go, and he have someone else be his plus one, you wont like that! We are wives and should support our husband . It will be a challenge but you are a mother and wife and that’s the role you took on!
Ive taken my twins on 3 trips. One when they were 3 months old, another when they were 15 months old and just took another trip with them at 19 months old. I understand there is some hassle, but overall each trip was worth it and we had many more good times than tough ones
Dont over think it. Just go with the flow while there. Kids will take a few days once bavk home to get back on schedule but you only have 1 life live it. Make memories have fun with the kid’s.
Let him take the kids and you can have some ME time 
To hard for you just do not go i would stay home in that situation also
My partner and I want to go away in the new year and we have a 4 month old and a 20 month old! 
We live in the England and if her said “do you want to go to NZ?” I’d say hell ye!!
Dnt go! 12 hrs on a flight with 3 kids… no way! Stand ur ground momma and dnt go xp
My sister lives in NZ and has made the trip home to Ireland 3 times with her daughter who is now 5.
You SO prob wants his family to meet his kids. I understand the kids will be out of sorts but it’s good for them to meet there family
I’m moving from Arizona to Oregon, driving a U-Haul with my 5 month old! And she’s doing great so far. My advice, don’t get annoyed or agitated with them bc it will make it worse!
Let him sit in coach with the two boys while you sit in first class!
I would never, ever, ever in a million years take my small infant, or children, traveling during flu season for any reason. Sorry not sorry folks!
6 years without being home. Can see why he’d want his family with him.
I agree with you and he should stay home too. I would hate staying at someone else’s house, especially with 2 small kids.
12 hours from australia to new zealand. That dosent sound right at all. And your on the same time so why would naps be out of whack.
No keep kids at home , no fun for You or kids.
You are finding every excuse possible to not go. Just tell him u dont want to go and start there.
Nope. The kids well being should be first. And I get ut. I always say the a vacation is never a vacation for a mom. Just being a mom without your stuff. Hold to your decision…he will come around.
Nope plane rides with littles is hard and with delays and such it totally sucks. I would either stay home and watch the kids or have family (inlaws) watch the kiddos if your comfortable with that. But the 4 month old if breastfeeding seems like that would be the hardest to leave home with inlaws if breastfed. Also I don’t see how a 21st is a huge deal. Most people want to party with friends at a bar then family. It’s not a birth, death, holiday, or graduation. So in my opinion 21st birthday doesn’t mean squat.
It’s exhausting. The poor 4 month old. Travel can be hard on newborns that young. Once the kids get a little older , things get easier. Good luck !
I think he wants to go and proudly show his family off and have time with you guys as well. The kids will be fine and why miss out on a family vaca because of little worries. Go, have fun and enjoy your kids while they are little.
From someone who literally drives 14-25 hours across the country to visit family at least twice a year, its not that bad. Go and support your husband
Stop your whining and start packing. Give a little for those you love.
Sounds like your SO wants to take you and the kids with him because he is proud of you all and wants to show his family and friends back home why he lives where he does. It will be hard but I think if you can afford, go.
You ever thought that MAYBE he wants to show you and his children off? He has family who’ve never met his kids. Make an agreement that if you all go he HAS to help out with the kids …
Put the shoe on the other foot if you haven’t been back to see your family and friends in years and you have the chance to do so would you go and would you want your husband and kids with you to consider how you would feel if he refused to go
I have 5 adult children and 10 grandchildren. Memories for the kids and family members is priceless. Dont think of it as hard work, think of it as an adventure. There will be ups and downs, good and bad. That’s life. When you are a grandma and your kids are grown, trust me you will be glad you went. 
Tell him you’ll agree to go if he’ll take care of the kids the entire time. Including feeding, changing diapers, naps etc…I wouldn’t go myself is he going to leave you because of it?
Yes, he wants to take the kids and introduce them to his family and friends. Yes they will be out of sorts for a short period of time, but you can’t avoid life because it might be rough.
If it’s important to him you should go and make the best of it.
If he’s willing to help with the kids, then by all means, go. He wants you to be with him and have the memories together.