So ladies I split from my kids father back in march. We were together 11 years (my oldest is 9) so he hasn’t seen mom or dad with anyone else. I started dating someone a couple months back and we’re trying to merge our families together but my oldest is kind of fighting it. I don’t want him to be uncomfortable how can I help?
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Well like you said he’s never seen you with anyone else… give him more time and don’t force it on him. You said it’s only been a couple months… I wouldn’t be able to adapt that fast either.
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That’s honestly super fast and the fact that he’s uncomfortable should mean that you slow down! Your child’s feelings are more important than “merging families”
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Listen to your children for christ sake.
Youve known this man months. You dont even introduce this early let alone “merge families” thats appalling
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Already??? That’s fast! Give him a minute…
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That’s way too soon. You didn’t even give your child time to adjust to life with divorced parents before you brought a stranger into his life. Now you want to move that stranger into his home? March was only 7 months ago. Don’t rush it, give your child time to actually adjust to this man before deciding to “merge families”.
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Why too soon to bring a stranger around your children!!
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Sounds like someone is homeless…because why 
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Your kids father is the only man they know to be around you and you jumped from him to another man in no time not even giving them a chance to accept it or get use to the new routine with their dad not being around. I don’t blame your oldest for feeling uncomfortable.
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I wouldn’t merge so fast. Think about your son not your boyfriend. Your rushing it.
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I am absolutely no one to judge but put yourself in his shoes for a second. His family was literally ripped apart overnight. The only family he knew. Dad’s not there. Now moms with someone else who’s forcing him to be okay with the fact that he will never have his family back. He’s 9. Think about how he feels. 7 months is too soon, way too soon to introduce your kids to someone else. My heart breaks for him.
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To soon to introduce a man to your kids
The heck is wrong with some women
It’s only been a few months of dating and less than a year since you split with his dad. I think you should take the time and focus on your son’s feelings and let that “merging” happen naturally.
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Good things take some time- leave him be and slow your roll! You don’t wanna end up back at square 1 rushing things that have all the time in the world to be whatever they’re gunna be. Your child gets 1 childhood and 1 set of parents- make sure he comes first
Healthy, safe, comfortable environment for your kids should be priority over anything else!
I agree with what everybody else is saying. So if you started seeing someone a couple months ago and you split up in March you were only single for about 5 months? And your son is around another family already? That’s way too fast for him. For anyone if you ask me, but he’s obviously feeling things are too quick. He hasn’t healed yet. When a couple gets divorced. It’s not just them that need to heal.
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If he is saying he’s not ready, you, as his mother, need to not only listen to him but also respect his feelings. His entire world just collapsed less than a year ago. The amount of changes that are going on in his world, just with the breakup, are probably quite overwhelming for him and now you’re replacing his dad in his eyes. Pushing him before he is ready will only cause resentment towards you, the new guy and his kid(s) and a whole bunch of anxiety. Pump the brakes a bit and he’ll let you know when he’s ready. Please don’t push it on him.
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Honestly, it’s way too soon for a 9 yr old child to be put into this situation. You have to give him way more time. He’s still in the phase of mourning the loss of the family that he’s known. He needs at least a year or so just to accept that loss. Do not push him to meet your bf , nor his family until he’s ready
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Yeah I don’t think I’d be pushing a new dad in the same calendar year their dad isn’t in the picture anymore. If it’s that serious why the rush?
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Respect his wishes. It’s only been 6 months.
Also be sure there’s not a bigger reason he’s against it (make sure no one has been inappropriate with him) I know that sounds extreme .
But he is also just getting use to the fact you and his dad are split. His whole world is crumbling. You might be ready to move on- but that doesn’t mean he’s there yet.
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Wait, you’ve only been with a new person 6 months or less and you want to blend families? Your child is completely logical and rational here. You’re moving way too fast.
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Ewww you’d allow yourself to force your son to make a family with strangers? You don’t even know your boyfriend yourself. This is gross.
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first of all, this is all happening WAY TOO QUICK. your kids shouldn’t even know this new boyfriend yet.
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You are desperate, and a manaholic, learn to be by yourself and focus on your kid before you drag him in and out of your failed desperate relationships, and stupid decisions. Why does he not have a relationship with his dad or does he…gradually introduce him to your boyfriend and his family…
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Wait…just because you want to jump into a new family after a few months doesn’t mean he does or that either of you should be
That’s your boyfriend not your fiance or husband, why would you need to “merge” families this soon? You can slowly introduce your kids and let them hang out and the speed should depend on your kids readiness. They aren’t older kids and they should be your priority right now. And you definitely should not move your kids in with a new boyfriend if that is what’s happening. Way too soon.
a few months? that’s way too fast. best to allow them to go at whatever pace they’re comfortable with. I’ve been with my husband 10yearsnow, my 2 oldest aren’t biologically his but they love him like a Dad. they still call him by his first name. we allowed time for that bond to grow. do NOT push this
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It’s been 6 months and you been seeing someone a few months already and now want to “merge families”…i don’t understand how you don’t see a problem poor kids!! They haven’t even had time to process
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The answer is time. Time for everybody to adjust. Time for blending will come. If he really is the one, he will understand. He will get that you need more time. Please, spend more time together doing “family” things. That will help.
That’s not enough time for him to adjust to major life changes so maybe think about him first 
don’t force him n don’t rush him. You maybe checked out of your marriage long before leaving but your kids don’t just move on from something like this. Let him process everything before you jump into showing up w another man 
Why rush things? Take everything slow and let them get used to the idea first. Take him to therapy too it might help a lot.
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If it were just you affected I’d say go go for it! BUT ITS NOT. Merging a family after a couple of months doesn’t feel right to him cause ITS NOT! No way can you tell if this man is a good family fit in that amount of time.
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I waited 6 months before I merged and at the time I was worried it was too soon . We waited til year 2 to move in together!
What is wrong with you? You just split a few months ago, and you wanna push someone into that kid already? Tf?? By all means, date all you want, but don’t push people on that poor kid that’s still dealing with the split. Sorry about getting the kid therapy, not trying to push a new father figure nor step siblings. He’s telling you he isn’t ready and you want to know how to make him. That’s not how things work.
I’m just saying I’m a kid who was never listened to or validated in my feelings and now I don’t speak to my mom. I’d really think about that. What you do to a child is going to hurt you down the road if it’s traumatic.
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Leave him alone. Not sure why you even introduced the new bf yet. Poor kid has had a huge change in 6 months and you expect him to accept a whole new family
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Your child is mourning a loss. Literally. And you’re acting like his feelings are nothing! Poor kid.
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It’s only been a couple of months. Your child shouldn’t have even met the boyfriend and family yet let alone merge with them.
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Wow, you haven’t even given it a year for your little boy to process Mom and dad’s break up. Thats all he’s known since birth…Very strange to expect him to accept a merge into another family this quick. Seriously…You barely even had a chance with this guy so you’re probably jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. You sound desperate. Be careful, because in a couple years your boy will be of age to decide if he’d rather live with you or dad. So don’t be surprised if he doesn’t choose you.
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He has had 7 months to come to terms with his parents splitting up and your already expecting him to be okay with merging with another family? WAAAAAAY to soon… he has probably just had his entire life turned upside down with everything he has ever known changing and your expecting him to already be okay with more change? Slow down and give it time… it’s legit been 7 months since a 11yr relationship… your kids entire life he has had dad there, he needs more time to adjust…
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I’m going to go against the grain, because I met my now partner 3 months after my children’s father left us. They didn’t meet until about 6 months later, but we unexpectedly fell pregnant (yes, I am aware how it happens!) And he moved in 8 months after my separation. It’s been nearly 2 yes since we met, a year since we moved in together and we’re now a family of 5 with a new baby brother. It’s still a transition period, but my bits have adjusted so well. I always listen to, and validate, their feelings though so there have been some tough spots along the way but I truly believe what’s meant to be will be.
Their dad is still very much an involved parent also, and he’s with the woman he cheated on me with!
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That’s a major life change your child is having to adjust to. It may be too soon to try and put them through another major life change. Maybe slow it down, spend some time with partner/family but have some weekends where it’s just you guys and let everyone feel more comfortable before another big step
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Unless the man has proposed don’t even think about it …. 5 months is rediculously fast. Obviously your son doesn’t like something about the guy and his family so figure that out first
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6 months is really fast, I hate to say it. You didn’t even take time to focus on yourself and your children before getting another man and joining homes. A divorce/separation doesn’t affect just you. It affects your children. I wouldn’t have even brought another man around til you had talked to your children. Their feelings are equally important, if not more so at times. I’ve been divorced. I dated after about 6 months, but nothing serious. NOT because I didn’t want a relationship, but because my child was still hurting. Was made at me and her Father. Once she was ready to accept it, I got into a serious relationship. However I kept I minimal in the beginning, did the whole meet the kid after 3/4 months of being together. Slowly integrated him into our lives. Respected her feelings thru it, and when we were both ready as a unit, we moved all together. This made for a smooth transition. Also the man I dated and now married to, respected every step I took. He was insightful and came up with ways we could do things as a family but still accommodate her wishes. She also got to see her Dad and him grow a friendship which helped tremendously. Don’t rush things. You will have a child that resents you. Don’t ignore their feelings. Take time to heal and for them to heal.
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Way too fast! You need to give it time. Your child needs to get to know this new person and to adjust to the new situation! It takes time and acceptance and trust. That does not happen in a few months. Your children are the most important beings in your life. Give them the time they need.
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Put your kid first. Not some random dude.
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How about giving him time to get used to his parents being not together anymore. Really you should be putting your child first instead of yourself. Your child’s mental health comes first before your want of a bloke.
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So you have been with a man for a couple of months and ready to merge families? You need to slow down, believe me this is coming from experience.
March 2024? And you are already merging families…your child might have a point…take it easy and remember your comfort must be directly linked to your minor children…help the child by taking a step back on the merging of families…even companies merging don’t move this fast…
Give yourself time to make sure you fit in with his family to see if they are worth your son’s time to know and hopefully come to like the guy first, before adding a family to get used to.
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Woah. That’s way too quick. You can help by simply taking things slow and listening to your son’s feelings. That’s way too many big changes for a 9 year old to go through in less than a year.
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Leave it longer and gradually introduce him to new people. You’ve been together a short time and in his mind it was very quick, he’ll still be mourning the loss of his family unit and that his dad’s not around the same as he was. It’s a bigger adjustment to him than for you. If this is a long term relationship then there’s no rush. Give it a year as he doesn’t need to be forced into a new family, make connections for it to break down soon after and go through that change again. If you rush him he’ll back off from any relationship you have in the future
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He’s said no then it’s a no
WHOA!! Slow the heck down! If you aren’t gonna give yourself enough time to heal, find yourself and learn to be independentthat’s one thing. But to throw your kids into living with a new man is terrible! It’s very dangerous and your son is 100% correct! Put your kids first right now, not yourself. You don’t need to live together! OMG I can’t believe you’re asking how to get your son to change his mind instead of AITA!
2 months isn’t nearly long enough to expect your child to want to build a relationship with anyone in your new boyfriend’s family. I personally wouldn’t have even introduced them yet; I would wait at least 6 months so I could see how he handles tough situations, manages his money, etc. I know there are exceptions to these guidelines (maybe the only way can spend time together is to get all the kids together, or maybe you were friends for a long time before you started dating). But generally speaking, it’s not easy for a kid to open up and build an attachment to someone they’re not sure will be around very long.
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Moving too fast especially for those kids, probably don’t feel comfortable enough around him. Bad idea IMO
don’t merge the kids not ready
kids come first
I would say it’s because in his eyes
The new bf is replacing his dad
It’s way to soon to be talking about
Blending your families
Stop trying to merge families this soon. Your kid is 9yo and trying to handle his family unit falling apart and all the new changes that happen with it then you try to throw some new guy you barely know and his family at him and just expect him to accept it. No. It doesn’t work like that.Focus on kiddos needs over pushing a whole new family unit with your BF if a couple months. There’s no way you know your BF well enough after a couple months to have them near your kiddo.
You child has no obligation to ‘merge’ families. They ALREADY have a family
You might not like that answer but you kids aren’t responsible for your new relationship OR for your new mates feelings. Or for your feelings even. They are KIDS
They are allowed to …just process the divorce
SLOW DOWN!! Let your boy grieve the loss of his family. Date for a while before merging families. He is not ready. And at 9 he is trying to process it all. If you do…he will resent you.
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You’ve been with the dude less than 6 months. I’d give it more time.
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Lmao you hopped on another man that fast and expect your kid to be on board?? Ish
Sounds like your child is healthier than you
Listen to him, please. If he’s not ready, he’s not ready and nothing can MAKE him ready until he’s ready.
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Slow down. The poor child.
U barely know the guy and the kid is still getting used to his dad not being around u may have moved on but he hasnt . I wouldn’t have even introduced my kids yet let alone merged families 
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You shouldn’t even have your kids around this new man if you just split from their dad in March. In reality you don’t know this man. And your child has the right to be/feel very uncomfortable. You should be uncomfortable with it this quick. Why is this even a question? Why is a stranger even around your kids, you may think you know him, you don’t and neither do your kids. Don’t bring your rebound around your kids a few months after leaving their dad.
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Please don’t merge families after just a couple months. Give it time, your sons feeling are totally valid and you need to prioritize them rn. Less than a year to process a divorce isn’t enough time on its own, throwing him into a whole new family dynamic on top of that is almost cruel. Please give him time to process and stop trying to force him into something he isn’t ready for.
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Waaay too soon!!! Divorce is very hard on children, they need time to process and adjust. I wouldn’t even introduce my kids to someone unless I’ve been with them at least 6 months. Trying to throw this kid into a new family so soon after the breakup Is going to result in a child that resents you and your partner and his family. You need to put your child first and slow down in this new relationship.
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It seems very fast to be discussing merging families, if you only split from the kids dad in March, I can’t say I’m surprised that your child is having trouble getting their head around it. Give it more time. Your children’s feelings should come first and foremost
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That’s way to fast!!! You left the child’s father 7 months ago…. And you are already trying to force , not only a new man on the children but a whole family?? Please don’t !!! That’s way to soon
March was like yesterday!
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Yeah. You might have been ready a long time but not your kid. Kids come first lady. Slow your roll.
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Yeah, it’s way too early. You just got out of a  relationship and you’re jumping to a new man that your kid knows nothing about he’s uncomfortable slow down!
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Personally, my kids wouldn’t have even met my new bf after just a couple months. And merging families together? That’s super strange for just a couple months of dating 
this has got to be a joke
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Seriously- you are the problem!!! This relationship is but going to work either because you don’t even really KNOW this guy and you are forcing everyone to merge??? This is very selfish on your part.
You’re dating someone so soon AND you want your kids to be ok with it?!
Sorry, way too soon to think such a young child is going to accept a new man in his life. WAY too soon!
At this point in my opinion kids shouldn’t even be involved with meeting a new person yet. Its only been 7 months since you split from his dad…so you don’t even know this new man at all to be merging your families together. Please slow yourself down and think about what your doing and stop rushing things. he just had his whole world turned upside down. A new person shouldn’t be introduced for atleast 6mo, even then it should only be dinners, hanging out for short periods etc. stop trying to force it.
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Red flags. Your kids the smart one here.
Thats really fast in my opinion for any drastic changes. It’s one thing for general introductions but “merging” . I think more realistic options can be utilized a lot slower
You have to put the kids feelings first for now. They’re going through a lot and don’t understand why this happened to them and their family. Keep the dating life apart from the “family” until it becomes more serious.
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For starters, why?? I dated my now husband for a year before we ever thought about merging families. You left dad in March, have dated " a few months" there are only 7 months between March and now so let’s say you dated 5 months of that. Your son is being incredibly responsible while you seem to need a man bad enough to merge with the first one that comes along… this seems like a really irresponsible choice and you should validate your sons feelings and wait some more time before forcing a new family on your kid.
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Why do women get their kids involved? It’s only been months. You do not know him well enough for this.
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Also kids see things in adults, that other adults would never see. Maybe this is your red flag. I would listen to it.
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Stop forcing it with your own expectations after only 2 months, this kid hasn’t even caught his breath from your split from his father…Get a clue and put yourself in his shoes, this is not about you the “adult” it’s about what’s best for your children. Figure out how to help him instead of focusing on what YOU need from him. Just calling it like I see it.
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Way to fast. Kids first. You’ll have your time later! Sounds like he needs time to heal. He’s telling you that. You need to listen to him.
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Merge? You mean move in? So you after 11 years you just move on like that quick. Why does no one take time to heal before starting a new relationship? Even the kids need to heal and embrace the new life.
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Give it a little time. It’s only been 6 months. I’m sure your son feels like he barely knows the family you are trying to force him into. I would explain to your new bf that it’s too soon and your family, meaning your son bc he is YOUR family, is not ready yet.
I think that is probably to fast for him. I saw my husband on my exes weekends for almost a year until we finally had the kids meet. They were both 6. They are now almost 16 and the family is blended with 3 kids. 2 from previous and 1 between us. I think that it depends on the child and also the age. I understand you guys wanting to blend the family but you need to think of the kids. They just went through something life altering. And that is way to fast for them. You need to focus on them and making them feel secure with two households first. Remember you and their father have been knowing about this awhile. These things just don’t happen overnight. But it probably did for the kids. Just go slow for everyone involved it would be the best.
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Honestly it’s way too soon to be merging anything. It’s sad that the child’s got more sense than the adult… The child’s already had all kinds of major changes and things to accept and adapt to… how are you going to not even know someone a whole year and let them around your children???
It’s too early to move a man into a home with your children. Your kid isn’t comfortable…put the comfort above your own desires. I’d give it at LEAST a year, if your child is still having issues seek a therapist to help with the move transition.
Maybe give him more time?
You were with his dad for his entire life and there is only a couple of months between you and dad splitting and a a new guy (and his family) coming into the picture.
Take it slow. That’s a big change for a little kid.
Definitely don’t try to force it or you’ll only make it worse.
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Slow down your kids deserve your time. This is all new to all of you.
You child will end up hating you if you force this upon them.
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Slow and steady!! My 8yr old was the same way!! He was mean and angry. Until my BF made it a point to spend one on one time with him and put effort towards their relationship.
You are selfish only thinking about yourself and not your kids
Pump your brakes! Your breakup didn’t just affect you, it affects the kids as well. You may think you’re ready to move on, but your son isn’t and you should follow his lead and chill. Date the man without merging families.
Things should go so much slower with kids involved. Too fast!! Slow down!
Slowwwww dowwwwn. No wonder he’s upset, it’s only been like 8 months!
My oldest was the same way too and now my fiance is like her bestie. We dated for over a year then bought a house moved in together it was an adjustment you just wanna make sure they are respectful. Me and my now fiance been together 5 years and it’s way better in our house
Speaking from experience, don’t force it. Let him be the judge on when he is ready. If you force it, it will just lead to anger and resentment.
That is incredibly fast for such a major life change. You need to allow him to express his feelings. And if he is not ready, it is your job to listen to him and honor his feelings. Put yourself in his shoes. You split from his Dad, he didn’t. He is not ready for you to bring a new man into his life after such a short time. And you’re “merging families” after two months? I’d be stubborn with you too🤷♀️
He has every damn right to feel uncomfortable. You broke up in march, so 7 month ago. You already have a new partner and you’re trying to force your kid to like this new STRANGER.