My S/O and I have four kids, one boy, and three girls. Our boy is the oldest at seven, and the girl’s age down to the youngest being 2. They are all potty trained throughout the day and even during the night, EXCEPT for our seven-year-old boy. He has an accident (either pee or poop) nearly every day (during the day) and pees the bed nearly every night. For quite a while, we were just putting pull-ups on him at night because it was just easier and figured he would grow out of it…well, apparently, that’s not the case, and honestly, not even what I’m really wondering and worried about. He is now 7-1/2, and either poops in his underwear or pees in his underwear on a daily basis. He says that he didn’t want to miss out on what he was doing when he does it every time. We have tried taking things away and having to earn them back, tried taking away the next fun thing we do away from him, tried making him spend time in his room without any toys, and many more. I am asking for anyone that has any ideas or suggestions to give them to me! We are at a loss at what to do or try next. Any help is appreciated! Thanks
Have you talked to his doctor about it?
Is he being sexually abused? Or is that a possibility?
Talk to Dr.but also let him clean up his own accidents
Do. Not. Punish. Him. For. Accidents. He may not have the mental capability to understand completely yet. It sounds like he may an underlying health condition.
I would talk to a urologist and get him checked out. My son was having the same problems. We found out that he has a small bladder and cant hold as much pee. Also if he is constipated at all(even tho he is pooping he could still be a little backed up). We have been doing colon clean outs every so often. Have him on a stool softener. He has gradually gotten better and we have had many dry nights and no accidents during the day. Good luck!
My son at 6 does similar things, only pees tho. Basicly gets so engrossed in what’s going on he pushes it to last second and then boom accident runing to the bathroom. To break his habit I basicly watch for him doing his subtle signs… grabbing himself, crossing his legs, rocking, things like that. I ask him and remind him and explain everything will still be there when he gets back. At first it never worked. I basicly then would make potty breaks mandatory every 1 or 2 hrs until he started listening to his body. Of course didn’t last long and so after that when he had his accidents made him wash his clothes by hand before they went in my machine so he realized how much extra work it was. He pushes it here and there now but I just remind him about washing his clothes himself by hand and or going back to potty breaks and he gets right to it. Reassuring him everything was going to still be there when he got back really helped him work through it in the end. My sons just very stubborn and unless if alters his time frame won’t do anything about it hence why I made it very inconvenient for him
Could be overactive bladder. See a urologist
I did this when I was about that age. It wasnt intentional. I just literally could not feel that I needed to go. Not until my bladder was FULL and i needed to go right then.
I still dont know I need to go until my bladder is full. If I dont think about when the last time I’ve used the bathroom, I easily go 12-18 hours without going.
I’ve been to a urologist. He did some scan and did a scope into my bladder. Couldnt find anything wrong
My daughter is 4. She is fully potty trained. I talked to her doctor about peeing the bed. She has a small bladder. Said she won’t grow out of it till like 8 or so. Took her to get bladder size make sure her kidneys are good etc only thing was a small bladder. He might have health problems. We do not punish a accident. She wears pullups and a plastic sheet on her bed. I hope you talk to his doctor.
I went through a similar situation with my step daughter. She had experienced something sexual apparently. Took her to counseling. She also would randomly go to the bathroom and didnt want to miss anything. We talked to her and told her shes getting to be a big girl now. And gave rewards for going to the bathroom. The thing with at night is make sure to make him go potty before bed
Have him start taking part in cleaning up his mess after he does it on purpose. That tends to help.
Stop punishing your child over bodily functions first & foremost.
Second make 100% SURE he is not being bullied or abused by someone at school or aftercare or babysitter.
Third, consult a Dr to rule out any medical conditions! You owe him that.
Fourth give the child his pull ups back until he no longer needs them.
Fifth LOVE your child thru his issue. Make it you & his “secret” & promise him you will protect him & guide him thru this until he’s ready to be on the other side of this issue.
My son is same age he was potties trained then started having accidents again around 5 I would get onto him take things away etc finally talked to doctor my soon has gone poop daily but somehow he is still completely backed up as an x-ray showed and they are trying to figure out what’s going on we did a cleanse a few times still his body won’t completely empty causing pee and poop accidents definitely recommend asking your doctor
Brittany Brownie Skane
First, stop punishing him. Then get him checked out and talk to him. My 4yo was the same way. He doesn’t do it much anymore now. I remind him to go to the bathroom. Only thing with him is wiping🤦🏽♀️ but he has slowly started to wipe at least. Next will be remembering to wash his hands. Lol
He is only 7. My 7yo occasionally pees on himself a little bit, usually when waking up.
Do not punish him! It will not help. You may have to remind him and talk to him about going to the bathroom when he needs to go.
Some children have psychological problems which causes them not to wake up to pee.
I would talk to the doctor but first, I’d make him start cleaning it up. Do not clean it up out of frustration. Don’t freak out on him. Just make him dump the poo in the toilet, wipe his own butt, change his clothes, and put his soiled clothes in the washer. Be consistent with it. Do not do it for him.
My son was a nightmare to potty train. Finally got dry underwear at 8 at night. Day was 7. He had a small bladder. His doctor told me to ask him every 20 minutes to go potty. Even if he said he didn’t have to. He sat on potty for 3 minutes and got to get up. If he pooped or peed his pants directly after he had to wear pull ups. This was a major thing in our house because hulk would not come back out of the dresser until the next day. He hated diapers/pull ups. If your son likes pull ups more than underwear take them away. But schedule and doctor advice. Oh and don’t forget rewards. We did m&ms. 1 pee 2 poop and 5 for both but only in potty. If we went a whole day with no accidents we got a sticker after 7 stickers he got to choose a special treat. His go to was ice cream after dinner. O and liquids cut off at 5. Bed was 8. It takes Boys a little longer to fully get the hang of it. Start with doctor and set timers.
Pls look up encopresis. Def. talk with dr. ASAP. Don’t wait . The longer this goes on the harder it is to reverse. This happened to my daughter and she lost the feeling of knowing when to go. There’s a lot to it. diet changes you may need to enforce, constant bathroom reminders, cleanses, Feel free to msg me if you need to chat. Whatever you do, don’t punish him. I did that for the longest and it made it worse. I didn’t understand then, I thought it was laziness, but now I do and things aren’t perfect but they are so so much better. Hang in there . This is more common then you think.
One boy with little sisters. Are they in diapers? Attention seeking?
I have a 4 yr old and she was potty trained fully by 2. Her choice, she wanted to do what mommy and big sister did. Then just randomly about a year ago she started peeing on herself multiple times a day. I did everything I could think of from ignoring it to time outs to spanking to her throwing her own favorite toys away and nothing helped. She had multiple dr appointments and everything was fine. When I asked her about it she said she didn’t know. Finally someone told me to try to buy her a toy if she didn’t pee on herself. So I had a long conversation with her. I told her that if she could go all week without peeing on herself that she would get a toy. And we talked about it every morning before school so she wouldn’t forget. After the first week of not getting a toy when we talked about it and she was really upset because she didn’t get one she stopped peeing on herself. I think I bought her a toy of her choice every week for about a month after that. She hasn’t peed on herself since. I do not now buy her one every week but it worked.
Talk to his pediatrician, it could be something medical.
Go back to the pull ups and get him on a bathroom schedule, potty apps work well this takes away the demand for some one to tell him go to bathroom. Even if he is engrossed in game play his whole world should pause at the potty chime. Also check with his doctor for health issues, bladder issues, diabetes. He might just be stubborn and like the control of it.
Punishing him is only gonna make it worse on him like others have said make a call to the dr sit down with him and find out the reason this is happening make him feel safe at night time sometimes this happens due to attention even tho u give him enough
Talk to your doctor. I was having accidents as a child before I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. It could be that or another issue that he can’t control.
Try a chiropractor. Sometimes they are out of alignment and it pushes on the nerves that signal “hey I need to go to the bathroom” . I was one of those kids. My mom said every time she’d bring me in and the accidents would stop right after the adjustment.
I also work for a chiropractor now and we’ve seen MANY success stories!
My step son has this issues with peeing the bed after 630 he don’t get nothing to drink that helped out alot
This is NOT for no reason!!! Normally this means something is up or going on that he’s not talking about. You need to get him counseling. I know of a couple people this happened to and come to find out, something was definitely happening that was causing this. Whatever you do, do NOT punish your child for this, it will only cause more issues.
Take him to see your doctor.
nighttime accidents are pretty normal so stop punishing him for nighttime accidents and get him nighttime pullups… the during daytime accidents take him to the doctor n get him checked out to make sure it’s not something medical and if it isnt then I recommend taking him to bathroom every 30 minutes . Does he have accidents at school or just home?
One of mine did the same thing. I took him to the doctor. Nothing was wrong with him. And was to to put him on a scheduled bathroom breaks. And to make sure he goes during those times. As if your potty training again. Don’t give in. Eventually he’ll see it’s his time or yours. But he’s not going to potty in his pants.
Start with a doctor visit to make sure everything medically is ok. Then visit a counselor to make sure everything psychologically is ok. During the entire process make sure it’s all very positive. Our pediatrician told us milk was not good after 6 pm and no drinks at all after 7 for ours that had issues with bed wetting. It helped immensely. We potty right before going to bed and any accidents at are simply cleaned up. We don’t make a big deal of it. The having accidents because he’s not wanting to miss something is one where I’d just set a timer every hour and make him stop what he’s doing to go.
I would talk to a doctor just in case it is something medical, but it sounds like he has already admitted to laziness. I agree with some other comments, have him clean up after himself when he has an accident. Eventually he will understand it will take less time to use the bathroom than it does to clean so he won’t “miss out” on as much of whatever caused him to have the accident in the first place.
If it is because he does not want to stop playing or watching something, have him pause the game or movie( if possible). We had a really hard time getting our son to stop playing and go to the potty. Once we started having him pause playing and started pausing what he was watching it got better. Now he tell me he needs to potty and asks us to pause the game or show
Talk to the dr. My daughter has special and she did do this quite a bit. She mostly peed her pants, it was rare that she poop her pants. The school was so awesome with helping. She kept extra clothes at school and she was required to clean herself up, bring the clothes home and take another set to school. If she had them at home she was also required to clean herself up. She was never punished for accidents, you can’t do that. We did have to address lying and reassure her that having accidents wasn’t going to get her “in trouble”. But start out with daily prizes (small toys), than move to bigger prizes by the week and than by the month. She wanted a special kind of birthday but we had a deal that she would have to work at it for a few months and she did it. After 8 she rarely had them and again she was never punished for it. Earning toys back is good for something’s like behavior but not for accidents IMO.
My grandson is 9yrs old. He is a very heavy sleeper. No drinks after 630pm. In bed by 8pm. You can’t punish the child or signal him out of family activities. Boys tend to have accidents more later then girls. Change his diet, he may need more fiber. Talk to your Pediatrician and have some testing done on him. Blood work, and ultrasound on his bowels and intestinal tract. Also physically there may not be anything wrong, but there can be mentally. I have had young boys come into counseling and found out someone has been doing something uncomfortable. Look into this now and get some answers, or help. But, please don’t scold the child like you have been.
Go back to potty training methods
Reminding/telling him t0 go try 2/3 times an hr do rewards but do not punish dont take things away dont make him feel bad and constantly remind him that you’re there to help him beat this
*but like others said the dr may be the way to start
Let him clean it up.
This is physical or mental, your child does not piss and shit himself intentionally, he is a CHILD, their behavior is communication. HELP him, don’t PUNISH him when he’s already obviously having a serious problem unless you plan on paying for his therapy and probably having no contact with him as soon as he can escape you.
Get him checked out by doctor and therapist cause there could be something going on medically or mentally or he could be having something happening to him or he could be getting abused or bullied rule out everything
many older siblings will regress when they have very young siblings, such as no longer being potty trained, returning to pointing to things instead of talking, throwing tantrums, babbling instead of using words, the list goes on. he could be doing this for more attention, or there could be a medical reason. talk to his pediatrician, and youth counseling may be in order. DO NOT PUNISH HIM! even though he’s older and may understand his siblings are younger, if the youngest has an accident and doesn’t get punished, he won’t understand WHY he’s the only one being punished. and that can lead to more negative behavior and resentment, towards you and his siblings. he could also be having a medical issue. it would be like punishing your kid for not reading things properly and finding out they’re dyslexic. get to the root of the issue and TALK to your kid about why he’s having accidents
Talk to a doctor and make sure medically he is okay. But by the sounds of it he doesn’t want to stop doing whatever he is doing to go to the bathroom. So start making him go every half hour even if he says he doesn’t have to.
He needs to go to a doctor 1st and if no issues I wud make him clean himself up and I wud bring attention to it like to the family at home just let him no your gonna tell everyone when he does it! Then when he potties u shud reward him with his favorite snack make a chart and put it up for accidents and no accidents! You gotta make it a focus in the house be cheerful if he doesn’t have an accident and make family be stern with him if he does have an accident!! But doctor visit 1st
My stepson did this up to 10 and he ended up needing his tonsils removed.
Our pediatrician said make him clean up his own underwear an
No drinks a few hours before bed and make him go a few times before bedtime
During the day maybe just remind him to pee and poop hey do you have to go potty? Go try anyway. That’s how I am teaching my
3 yr old
My son did this when he was younger. He didnt want to stop playing with his friend or miss his show or whatever so he would just poop in his pants. We put him on a pooping schedule and every morning right after breakfast he would sit until he went. At first it took his body a while to adapt to the routine and so we got up a little early to give him time. He is 12 now and obviously doesnt do it anymore but is still in the routine of going after breakfast.
Also i made him clean himself up and wash out his underwear, he did not like that which was great motivation to go to the toilet when he felt the urge
My oldest wasn’t able to sleep through the night without peeing the bed until closer to 10. His dr said until the age of ten not to worry, we had him checked out for any underlying conditions prior.
My 7 and 6 yo still pee the bed almost nightly. They sometimes wake up, they sometimes don’t. They know if it happens they have to clean everything up, and change their bedding.
Pull-ups no longer fit them. So a water proof mattress cover, fitted sheet, shower curtain and another fitted sheet on top. Anytime they have an accident they have to strip the top fitted sheet and shower curtain to sleep on the other fitted sheet and waterproof bedding.
They don’t need to tell me or get me, until morning. Unless something else is up, like just not feeling good
I would definitely go to the doctor, see if anything wrong and go from there.
Make him go to the bathroom on a schedule, no master what is happening!
Sorry to put this bluntly but you are so out of order punishing him for having accidents that is the worse thing you can do, you work through it with your child to get it sorted, if there is an underlining problem with your son your punishing him for that, my son is 9 he still does wet the bed sometimes I never punish my child I get him to help to clean his mess sit and talk to him why he didn’t use the toilet
A family member of mine had the same issue with her son. Ended up finding out he was severely anemic.
They have bed wetting alarms. Will sound off when he pees and then he has to get up and.clean it up.
I would talk to the doctor. By his age he should have out grown this and it may be a sign that something is medically wrong. Until you can see the doctor, watch for cues that he needs to go and remind him it’s time to go to the bathroom. Don’t punish him or take things away because you could potentially and unknowingly be causing stress that’s worsening the issue.
Please take him to see someone there may be an underlying issue
Is he in the top bunk bed ?
My son is 12 and takes a medicine at night that makes his body not make urine his dr said that sometimes the body doesnt shut down like its suppose to and they cant help it the meds worked for him talk to his dr and see if this might help for the day time stuff i dont know but be consistent and keep your word abt the punishment
My daughter is the same, she is 7 this year and would rather have an accident then miss out. We send her to the toilet and honestly tell her that if she keeps doing it people won’t want to play with her because she will be there girl who smells like wee and poo all the time, haven’t had an accident in about 2 weeks now
Stop him, make sure he takes bathroom breaks! Also, have him checked by a doctor.
There are so many reasons why this is happening, health and mental both , seek a doctor and don’t talk about it in front of other kids or people.
Punishing him seems a little extreme. Just give him frequent reminder… hey “boy” have you used the potty recently? Hey “boy” why don’t you go to the bathroom before we go out to play. Hey “boy” don’t forget to use the potty before laying down. With positive affirmations when he does go. Kids seek attention whether it’s negative or positive so help him achieve the positive attention
Why punish him? The poor child is already embarrassed and ashamed and now mom makes him feel worse. I think there is an underlying issue. I would suggest taking him for an assessment with a a therapist. Please try find out what the issue is before punishing him. Holding thumbs you find the root cause. Good luck
Have him wash out his underwear in the toilet? If he is doing it because it interrupts what he is involved in at the time then he knows. Bed wetting is another issue, sleeps to sound and deep realm. A doctor can advise you on options about that. I don’t see where he seems embarrassed.
It’s a psychological problem… requires a psychologist or psychiatrist.
Every hour or so take him to the bathroom and make him sit for a while, even if he doesn’t go it will reinforce that you go to the toilet. Interrupt him when he’s doing something to take him, tell him it will wait. Also I agree to have a discussion with the doctor
First, get him checked out by a doctor. If that comes back clear of a medical issue then try some rewards. Do you have a trusted relative that he could spend a day with? You could plan a big family day out somewhere and tell him that if he has no accidents for a week (keep a sticker chart to track this) then he will get to go. If he does wet or soil himself (do not count bedwetting while he is asleep) then he has to go to the trusted relative while the rest of the family go on the outing. Tell him that it is only for children who can use the toilet and keep themselves clean and dry. Keep trying and making new plans to see if he can get motivated.
He needs to see a doctor to make sure he doesn’t have anything going on like constipation. And then a counselor in case it’s behavioral. Also at 7 he should be helping clean up any messes.
My oldest does this during the day. We make him go to the bathroom and try before we do anything that he may not want to miss out on.
I would speak to his pediatrician. I don’t think that’s normal at all.
I have a stepson who started doing this at the age of 5, and his mother didn’t enforce potty training at that time yet. I always kept my toilet scrubbed and sanitary as possible so I would make him change his own clothes, clean himself off, and rinse his own underwear in the toilet bowl untill they were clean enough for the washer and no particles hanging off lol. He hated the idea of sticking his hands in the toilet so it took about 3 times and he learned that he needed to go to the potty at our house or he had to get poop and toilet water on his hands lmao.
I had tried everything with my 7 year old boy still doing the same thing. I went the doctor route with the pills for all those who said it was a medical problem. For my child, the pills didn’t work because he was doing it on purpose most of the time out of laziness or not wanting to quit playing. I did the making him wash everything out by hand in the sink. I did the stop drinking before bed. What finally worked was the stupidest thing. All of his friends started talking about sleepovers. I explained to him at 7 that he couldn’t spend the night with someone because of the peeing the bed accidents. He is now 8 and enjoyed his first sleepover last weekend. The accidents shut off like a light bulb!
I would definitely talk to his dr to see if it’s medical or if he needs a therapist. Because if it’s one of those punishment may not be helping. Has he ALWAYS done this? Or was he potty trained at some point then started doing this? Either way definitely worth talking with a medical professional (pediatrician, therapist of some sort) IMO
Speak to a doctor, nephew had the same issue turns out he was abused as a child…
Have you tried asking him how he feels. Maybe it’s a nervous issue or scared. Give him more hugs and pay attention to him by reminding him to go to the restroom.
That is a sign of molestation. Get him to a therapist asap. Punishing him like you are is only furthering his guilt and shame. Stop making him feel bad, don’t talk about it to other people even family and don’t make him feel bad. Take him in. There could be something very serious going on and he needs to know he can trust you to love him, not make him feel worse.
This happened to someone I know many years ago, and she did some investigation into diets and the effects of food colouring. Tartrazine, or yellow colour (102) is the worst offender when it comes to children and behaviours, including bladder control!
Once my friend took her son off 102 food colour (most orange or yellow foods like icy poles, cordial, some savoury snacks, etc) he stopping wetting himself and the bed within 3 days! Worth a shot, if you haven’t already tried it
In my experience with my own, it may be that he was molested. Not saying he was but it caused my son to wet the bed and have accidents.
My daughter would do this at a younger age. She also has adhd and I realized the behavior has to do with her either not wanting to miss out or being so involved in an activity that she waited too long
Never punish a child for accidents no matter how old they are… even if it is on purpose. Accidents are a big indication on emotions at that age!
As a mother of 4 that are almost grown now let me say this. First off take him to the Dr and have him checked for any medical reasons. If there is none then please don’t punish him. My oldest son had this issue and he finally stopped at 11 yrs old. He went from doing it during both the day and night to just at night to not at all. This is completely normal and many, many children do so. Try cutting his drinking off at night a while before he goes to bed and have him go to the bathroom a few times. Just know it’s ok and he will grow out of it just please be patient with him. Sending love and good vibes
My son wet the bed every night and he was diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic. I would definitely see his dr and rule out a medical issue.
Make him sit in the toilet daily until he goes. Fear of missing out is a real thing for kids.
Try telling him that at any time he can press pause or say pause and you will all stop what your doing or pause the show so he can go to the toilet. That worked when we were dealing with this same issue. It stopped our son from the feeli g he was going to miss out
First I would SERIOUSLY recommend speaking to his doctor. Struggling that badly with transitions is often a “symptom” of adhd and/or autism.
I had the same issue with my oldest for a while. It improved once we knew why it was happening (severe adhd) because we had a better idea of the course of action to take.
Second this is what we did…be calm. Seriously. Watch for his signs that he needs to use the restroom. Give him a reminder. If he says no take whatever hes doing away until he does go to the restroom.
Now, if he’s like my son was he may walk in the bathroom and just stand there then come out and then have an accident.
In that case take only whatever he was refusing to walk away from away for the rest of the day only.
Make sure you have a discussion EVERY TIME, but set it up in question form. Make him think about the answers, because repetition and making him tell you will help the knowledge sink in better.
Y: why did I take “x” away?
Y: why is it not ok to have accidents?
Y: why is it important to listen to your body?
Y: How can we do better tomorrow?
Take him to the dr. He might say he didn’t want to miss out because he might be embarrassed and scared that he can’t control his body. Some boys bladers mature slowly so they wet the bed at night, 7 is still a very young age to truly understand what is happening. Punishment only adds to the anxiety he is feeling already. I hope you find him the help he needs. Good luck.
In my parenting experience by punishing you are only making things worse for him. 7 is still very young to be having accidents. He will actually grow out of this assuming there is no medical issue. Pull ups are still fine to use at night, please just don’t attach shame to it. Kids feel that so deeply and it is something that stays with them. During the day keep reminding him and take him to the restroom on a regular schedule.
That is serious…Speaking from experience i am a female but i was abused for 3 years and during those 3 years I had continuous accidents weather it was #1 or #2…you need to speak to his dr .And also getting mad at your son isnt the answer. Making sure he gets the right support is important as back in 1990 1991 1992 this stuff wasnt talked about. I was beaten for having accidents…Please get your little guy help. Im 38 years old and due to all the trauma i have ptsd anxiety and depression. So please work on getting him help now.
This is exactly what my son was doing and his reason was word for word what your son said.
Please speak to a doctor and ask about lazy bowel.
We found that getting him up earlier in the morning and making him attempt to go to the toilet before he did anything else has stopped any accidents.
To begin with I would sit outside the toilet door and talk to him because didn’t want to miss anything.
Now he will take a book with him and he knows there’s no rush, he’s not missing anything at all, the tv has been paused etc.
He still needs reminding every now and then.
But making it a routine and working with him not punishing him or yelling has fixed it.
My oldest son did this. At 7 too. So I took him to the doctor and he suggested after finding nothing physically wrong him, that we go to a childrens psychiatrist. He also had many behavioral issues as well. He was diagnosed on the autism spectrum disorder. He is now 15 almost 16 and still occasionally has accidents…few and far between. But he is still afraid of flushing. He always says he doesn’t want to miss anything. And like these other ladies said…no punishment for accidents.
I made my son clean his own underwear when he was doing it because he didnt want to miss out on anything granted he wasnt as old but he was totally disgusted an we never had another accident
Same with my nephew, he said he doesn’t want to be distracted and even goes in school during the day. He did have a bit of a delay but it was more of behavioral tbh. He eventually grow out of it and is now 10.
I think he is doing it for attention. When a child does things like this, even if it brings punishment , it’s still attention. In their eyes bad attention is still better than no attention in their eyes. He might be feeling left out a lot since all the other kids are smaller and need more from you. He might feel like he is lacking because he is more self sufficient.
Bring him to the dr to rule out anything medical just in case. But my bet is that he needs more one in one from his parents. This might be hard with 4 kids , but that is what I would do.
My son did this, but it was OCD and his body functions was the only thing he had control over. So after a doctor visit we figured it out and started giving him control over other choices that were just his. What we did Friday night as a family if he had no accidents.
As someone with severe ADHD that was diagnosed at a young age. I also used to do this. I would hyperfixate on what I was doing and not realize I need to go until it was too late. Honestly even now as an adult,quite embarrassingly, if I forget to take my meds it can still happen I would advise having him evaluated
I am currently going through this with a fully potty trained daughter she has started refusing the potty cause she doesn’t want to miss out on things as well , I bought a potty watch (Amazon has super cute fun ones they are timers ) that give a ring when it’s time to try and potty and I made a game out of it I did a sticker chart so when she goes potty she gets a sticker and she can either “buy” a price of candy or yummy snack or wait until the end of the week and get a small toy
Take him to a urologist.
I heard a boys bladder is not fully developed to 9 years old,
Sound like you might gotta stop what everyone’s doing when playing and have everyone take a potty break so he “won’t miss anything” it’ll stop the accidents during the day. But I don’t know about the night time. Take him to a doctor and see if they find anything. If not try seeing a therapist.
Following . because I’m actually going through the same issue…