My son refuses to wipe his own butt: Advice?

How do I get my 5-year-old to wipe his own butt? My son absolutely refuses to wipe his own butt! I have tried to teach him how to, and he won’t even attempt to try. Obviously, he’s getting too old to have his mama wipe his butt for him! Help?!

57 Likes

I have told my kids that they will get butt worms and that kids at school will smell him and be mean.

Well I never met a 20 year old man who can’t wipe their own ass, be patient he will get there!

50 Likes

Hate to say it. But he’s a big boy now! He needs to learn I refused to wipe my kids butts after they turned 3 and a half. I basically told them that if they can’t wipe their own bum, they can’t go to school!

Mine is 8 and well he won’t either, My daughter was so much more independent,.

Show him the video of the teacher who taught her class how to wipe using balloons.

5 Likes

Only way my son would do it is with flushable wipes.

Let it dry till it itches…he will learn…

11 Likes

Pull out the pressure washer! I’m sure he will prefer to wipe after on his own.

6 Likes

This can be common. Especially among boys. If he doesn’t feel he can wipe properly or if he has some fear of wiping it’s a real thing you need to work through. I have a child that needed help up past 8 years old and it was something that needed occupational therapy. He also was terrified of the toilet and refused to sit and poop until he was almost 5. Pee? No problem. Poop? A whole different ball game. If you can get to the heart of why he doesn’t want to do it (and there is one he may not be able to properly communicate to you)…that would be a start. But try very hard not to shame him or berate or belittle him about it…5 is still so very little. :heart:

14 Likes

My daughter is 6 she don’t even whip her butt she tried but she will get it everywhere .u gotta whip there but to be clear then have him whip it after tell him is there anything then they will get the hang of it that’s what we are teaching my daughter we whip her first then have her whip so she understands

Try using baby wipes,it won’t be so hard for him to do

7 Likes

Try having him use wet wipes

4 Likes

Ask him why ?
Find out the real reason and work from there

1 Like

When he starts itching n shit he’ll start caring more lol. Stop doing it for him

5 Likes

Why? Is he scared to wipe? I think it’s all well and good to say he will get used to it or he’ll get over it, but honestly there are actual reasons why some kids can’t or won’t. You need to make sure there isn’t a medical or psychological cause before resorting to tough love.

My own son ‘refused’ to toilet or was labeled as ‘lazy’ until almost 8 years old. We had no option but to use nappies till he was ready according to the drs. Later in life we discovered that he actually has spina bifida at s2, with nerve damage to his lower body and limbs. He was never lazy or refusing to toilet for the sake of it. He had a medical problem. I begged drs from when he was a baby to check his spine, there were signs but nobody listened until it was to late.

Make him wear the same undies fir a few days

Mine will with wipes. Found out he struggled with loo roll.make sure put bin in toilet for wipes tho.

My son is autistic, and was extremely ambidextrous, so he was confused which hand to use. Issue fixed itself when he chipped his right elbow and was casted for 12 weeks. Bad way to fix it but it eliminated the right hand and the day he broken it, he started wiping his own butt.

I would encourage him& let him use wipes.Tell him big boys wipe their own butt.I would put my son in a corner when he did that and he got himself together after being tired of standing so many times. He’s 5 also

I work in a preschool room and we have some kids that are 5 that still have us help them wipe. It’s all on their own time he will get there.

6 Likes

Refuse to help him ,he has one of three options 1 he can do it himself 2 he can sit there all day 3 he can go about his day without wiping and be uncomfortable until he bathes

2 Likes

Been there…its terrible… I had to leave him on the toilet crying until he did it himself… I felt terrible… but he wiped his own ass

7 Likes

Take priveledges away take favorite toys r games away–he sits on potty till he wipes it? Time outs? it’s called tough love n sometimes it’s hard on parents but gotta do something to get them to compromise!

9 Likes

My 5 year old daughter won’t either. But I’d prefer she ask me for help then not do it at all and get a red butt.

My 6 years old boy is being full potty trained since he was 17 months old… he is 6 and i still have to wipe his butt :weary::weary::weary: he does it sometimes but he thinks he is not doing it right and he refused to do it all the time

Don’t wipe it for him, don’t let anyone wipe it. He’ll learn.

3 Likes

My kids learned to wipe their own butts by 5 then one of them got really sick for months (perianal abscess) and we’re back to cleaning for them. Maybe we’ll try again in a few months.

Tell him he can’t get up until he wipes himself and sit there until he does. Otherwise you’ll probably end up wiping his butt until he graduates from high school. Lol

2 Likes

Don’t let him get up until he does

1 Like

After he walks around with an itchy, stinky butt he’ll get the idea…

1 Like

Well he learns it or has nasty skid marks in his undies. He will learn when he is ready or be told he stinks like :poop:.

Is he afraid he will fall if he doesn’t hold on to the toilet. Try sitting him facing the toilet seat he may feel more secure
Put the toilet paper or wipes where he can reach it don’t do for him and don’t make an issue of it. Just walk away and let him deal with it it may take a few days and several pair of underware (use ones you don’t mind throwing away) but he will figure it out

3 Likes

Puaaaaahahahahaha I remember when my son said he just wouldn’t go to school if it meant wiping his own butt… I miss him being that friggin cute! He is 11 and a stinker now :heart: it’s your job, mama, do it and do it proudly, it won’t last long!!

Actually as a mother of 8 children. I will share this with you. In time he will wipe his butt. Its a understanding he will learn. Allow him to see another child or husband wiping there but while then sit on there potty chair. This way they learn to wipe and pee standing up. You can not rush nature. Forcing a child to learn is about the parent not the child. Have patience it will happen…

7 Likes

Wipe it real rough.He will want to do it himself.
Let him know in a graphic way why he should

6 Likes

Tell him to start wiping yours

1 Like

Tell him he stinks and hold your nose when you walk by him

I’m still trying to figure why some ADULTS can’t seem to clean their own butts…walking around all nasty and stinking…haha…

1 Like

The flushable wet wipes.
But really when our son started prek it took about 2 weeks for him to start since no one else was getting help

Give him disposable gloves to use

Let me know still Wipen a 7 year old

9 Likes

My 6 year old refuses too.

1 Like

My daughter is almost 6 and I still wipe for her at home, but she does it at school on her own.

1 Like

My 6yr is the same!. He doesn’t feel like he gets clean enough on his own. We use the flushable wipes (though I recommend putting them in the trash & not flush) he hates regular TP an that has helped a good bit but he still prefers to be wiped by me. He has gotten a sore butt from wiping at school or somewhere alone before & that just makes him more afraid of not getting clean :woman_facepalming:t2:

1 Like

My 6 year old daughter refuses to do it. And she can but she doesn’t is the sad part.

I buy wipes for my son. He feels
Cleaner. When he was little I told him if he didn’t wipe his butt, his “thingy” will get sick and hurt. That worked for me.

1 Like

My son had same issue but going to school at 5 yo he eventually figured it out. Just kept sending extra clothes and kept showing him and it finally clicked.

Wipes! Show him how then have him do it with you in there a few times, then go to just checking after he’s done to make sure he did a good job. Only way my kid would do it himself is if we checked for a few weeks. It didn’t take long though until he’s wiping great and not even mentioning us wiping him anymore. He was 5 1/2 when he started! Just before he went to school.

Tell him that all the kids he goes to school with will know how to wipe themselves and that his teachers will not do it for him, so if he doesn’t do it, he can walk around being the stinky kid with a dirty butt and nobody wants to play with that kid.

2 Likes

I was still doing my boy until he was 8 years old… one day I was so sick I couldnt get out of bed and he needed me to do it and I couldn’t move. Told him he would be there all day of he did try himself and he did it. Was a good day :rofl:

5 Likes

We told my son 4 squares a flush and 4 more squares. If he still wasn’t clean time for a shower. He also started doing his own laundry. He hated touching his poop stained underwear. Didn’t take him long to catch on.

1 Like

How about as a parent you refuse. You are the parent. Enforce the rule. Wipe you’re own ass…

My brother is 7 and still doesnt wipe his own :roll_eyes:

1 Like

Get flushable wipes… I had the same issue with my son… He hated toilet paper…still does. We still use wet wipes he is 11 now

1 Like

Mine had to when in daycare but since we’ve been quarantining she didn’t want to. I started making her hand wash her undies and she started back again. I tell her she has to wipe herself and when she feels she is done call me so I can check. She’s 5 so I don’t expect her to be 100% cleaned but she does have to try.

1 Like

My son is also 5 refuses to wipe his butt and only wants to use wipes used on him I’m glad I’m not alone in this sigh of relief I’m pretty sure they will
Grow out it though

Omg I’m so happy to see I’m not the only one who’s son refuses to wipe his butt!! This isn’t my post but I’m literally thankful we aren’t the only ones struggling with this and I’m like 27 weeks pregnant

My 4.5 year old doesn’t. I actually prefer it that way. I shudder to think about what mess would occur if he did.

5 Likes

My 5 yr refuses to he says he can’t wipe it cause he can’t see it. I said fair point and just wipe it for him I would rather make sure its getting cleaned properly anyways.

He will eventually. Mine was like 6 when I stopped wiping his butt… hang in there.

1 Like

My daughter would refuse as well. I told her she better start because I won’t be there to wipe her butt at school and asked if she wanted to smell like poo all day :woman_shrugging: she learned pretty quick after that. She’s 7 now and still asks me to sometimes, and I just remind her she’s a big girl now and big girls wipe themselves​:joy: she rolls her eyes, but she gets it done

My 33 yr old days child still will not wipe his butt!!

5 Likes

Tell him he can’t go eny where, cause he smells

1 Like

I was having this issue and my son always picked right in the middle of dinner to take a shit!

I simply refused to go up there anymore. I told him he was a big boy now (he’s 6) and he’s perfectly capable of wiping his own butt.

He sat there for a few minutes while pondering whether I was actually going to go up or not, then he dealt with it.

He’s had to change his boxers a few times as he hasn’t always done it right, but he’ll figure it out

My 6 years old was petrified to because he didn’t want to get poop on his hand. I taught him how to use the toilet paper to cover his whole hand and that made him feel a lot better.

1 Like

Eventually they will stop asking, my grandson stop asking around 7 going on 8 yrs old

1 Like

My 4 yr old doesn’t ever wanna wipe herself either. She doesn’t ask me to do it, she just goes and doesn’t wipe. & it’s not like she doesn’t know how, or that she’s supposed too.
I think she’s just always in such a hurry she doesn’t wanna take the time to wipe.

My 6 year old only likes to use flushable wipes. You could give them a try if you haven’t already

1 Like

My son wiped himself at 2. My aunt would do it for him so he asked her to do it till he was 5. He wouldn’t even ask me because I would say no. I heard him ask her once and I said boy if you don’t wipe your own butt no tv for a week. Better believe he never asked her again :woman_shrugging:t2:

3 Likes

When my oldest was like that at that age an refused I just left him on the toilet an told him he knows how to do it bc I showed him and he could do it his self. He had to learn bc he had started school at that age so I wouldnt be there to do it for him and neither would his teachers

My cousin is 7 going on 8 and still can’t wipe her own butt at all. Still isn’t not 100% potty trained. I taught My son around 2 to start wiping his own butt and how to wash himself properly. Around they same time I started teaching him those are his privates to take care of and nobody else should ever touch them. Ever. This was just something that worked for me.

1 Like

My son refused to wipe his butt. My boyfriend and I got tired of constantly buying him new underwear so we had him start cleaning them when he wouldn’t wipe. It worked and now he does

3 Likes

Why this world is in the shape it’s in your wiping your kids ass’s until there at the age to put mom in a home…

My 5 year old son also doesn’t like to wipe his own butt. His birthday was on the first and i swear I didn’t know what to do with him. He pooped himself twice that day. And 3 more times the day after. And he refused to clean his own underwear afterwards. He’s had a handful of accidents afterwards and I can’t figure out why and he won’t tell me. Then he hollers for me to come wipe him. He’s been going and wiping very well because he was real excited to go start school. And over Christmas break he just back pedaled for whatever reason. They started school again this week and He’s been fine. I have no idea what was wrong with him. :confused:

He is only Five give him time why do we make this a problem when it’s not , he will do it but he is only 5 if he is 7 and still refuse then ask his pedestrians to explain to him why he has to learn wiping his own butt

2 Likes

Make him set there until he does

2 Likes

We got a bidet attachment and my daughter will spray her booty and then dry off/wipe after so she’s not wet. She prefers it that way and I’m not about to argue :sweat_smile:

My mom wiped my brothers butt until he was 6+…he is 57 now and she still saves his butt

3 Likes

Could it be because he is scared of not wiping himself properly?

1 Like

I had to get mine wipes because the toilet paper kept sticking to their butts so I would have to go clean them up. Going on 3 years and I haven’t to help them

My almost 8 year old just started to. He eventually will be patient

2 Likes

My daughter is 7 and still can’t wipe her own butt when she poops. She doesn’t do a very good job and I think that’s why. I’d rather do it for her than make her do it and her end up having a rash or something

5 Likes

Might sound bad! But I just quit helping him and he started doing it on his own lol.

1 Like

Don’t wipe his butt… simple fix

Five is not too old for you to still be wiping his butt. Be patient. You could start by showing him how to use one wipe himself and then you do the rest. Everything is a stage. Eventually he won’t need you to and be great about it on his own. But seriously, I have a five year old. They are still little.

6 Likes

I told my 5 year old he had to start learning due to him starting school and I wouldn’t be there to help. So I have him wipe his butt and I check him afterwards to make sure he cleans good! Some days he cleans supper good other days I wonder if he even tried to wipe lol.

Tell him that he is a big boy and going to school and he needs to wipe his own butt. Take your time with him. Be in the toilet when he has finished then say to him you are a big boy and get him to grab the toilet paper and rip it off. Stay with him and say good boy for grabbing your toilet paper and now wipe your butt stay with him and watch him praise him good boy because big boys wipe their butt. Take your time with him he is going to make mistakes but praise him when he does.

Mines the same, he’s told me hel start to wipe his bum when he’s daddys age (he’s 30):joy::joy::joy: x

2 Likes

Have you tried flushable wipes? They helped our kiddos out a lot. Plus they don’t worry so much about getting dirty (if that’s the issue)

I got some flushable wipes and just refused to help :joy: she sat having a tantrum for a while and then just did it. Not had an issue since

1 Like

My oldest is almost 6 and wipes her butt just fine. I’d definitely just leave him on the toilet until he decided to do it himself or had dirty underwear. If he dirties the underwear then he gets to clean them not you.

11 Likes

I saw a video on using two balloons attached to the backside as the buttocks to teach a child how to wipe. It made it “fun” and educational at the same time. I would suggest the disposable wipes, but some sewer systems have a difficult time breaking them down and they cause sewer backups.
With that said, different children develope the ability at different ages. My oldest was between 5 and 6 when he finally stopped relying on mom and dad to help. My second was between 4 and 5 and my youngest about 4. My granddaughter is 3 and she is already starting to wipe on her own but she wants us to check her when she is done.
I would try the reward suggestion if you can.

12 Likes

I would definitely bring up that teachers at school do not wipe butts. And how embarrassing it would be to have to ask and she say no. Got my son on that one too. Lol. He started learning real quick.

10 Likes

I am on baby #7. By 5-6 they should definitely be able to confidently clean themselves after the bathroom! Get flushable wet wipes. It has to become his to do. If you’re wiping your childs bum beyond age 6, one your hampering your own child, two you’re not going to be around every time they take a crap
, then what?!! She needs to soon refuse the task and refuse that he leave the toilet until he does.

11 Likes

Let him walk around with skiddies, he’ll soon learn to wipe it or siffer the consequences. He’s well old enough to do it himself. And make him wash his own dirty jocks,trust me,as soon as you stop pandering and make them do it themselves the sooner they will. I toilet trained 3,2 boys and 1 girl. Plus 2 of my grandies. It works.

1 Like

I gave up! Mines gonna turn 12 and I just make him shower. I stopped wiping his but long ago. I just don’t understand how you don’t wipe correctly!?! Like I said I gave up… he must shower or else he gets the hose!!! (Joking)

20 Likes

No leaving the toilet until he wipes his butt. He wants to sit there all day? Thats his choice but don’t get up until it’s done. Doesnt have to be mean or traumatizing- just let him make the choice. Just keep putting him back there until he does it. Im sure he won’t love this and will probably concede.

2 Likes

I know it might sound ridiculous but i had the same problem with my son so I built it into a behavior bucks system it worked he is now consistently wiping his own butt

2 Likes

My son was fine then kind of regressed for a minute and now we’re back to being fine again…he’s 7…I just refused to go in there lol he knew what to do and figured it out

1 Like