I need some advice; my son has told me that his stepmother will mistreat him when dad is not home. I told his father that he is not to be alone with her ever again, not to mention when something happened before she was told not to touch him again. Dad says he doesn’t believe him with this recent incident. The family has also seen how she is with him & they’re not happy. Dad wanted me to speak with her about it & I chose not too, to me, once was enough. So I took a different route & made a report with DCF. Am I wrong here? Or did I do the right thing? I’m honestly not sure anymore at this point. Any helpful advice is welcome; please don’t be rude.
Y wont the dad talk to her ? Isnt that his wife ?
What!!! I’d talk with her and let her know what your thoughts are most definitely! Never allow someone to mistreat your child. It is your job to stand up for them as well as the dad. But if he is slacking then you handle it. Trust me. I’ve been guilty of allowing someone to mistreat my daughter and it has left a black hole in my heart of regret and resentment.
ALWAYS listen to your child. You are being a good Mom. To many times kids aren’t listened too.
You did the right thing 100 percent… Don’t send your son back there… Tell your ex to meet you in a public place and meet that way
If my daughter reported mistreatments I would do everything in my power. You owe no one else anything before that. It is what it is
Girllll listen to you son, excuse my French but fuck her and his daddy. Your son isn’t lying!! Stuff like this makes me so mad, I just went through this with my daughter. Believer what your kid tells you. You keep doing what you have to, to protect him. And if they get mad then once again Fuck Them! If their mad because your trying to protect you son then they don’t need to be around, Father or not. Our kids come before any one
This is a 50/50
Not in all cases but in some instances kids will play one off against the other … didn’t get what I wanted or done something wrong and got in trouble so wham I don’t like step mum, it does happen and sometimes the step mum can get frustrated and angry and look like the bad one … kids can play games well when there is a purpose or prize … now I will say this very well may not be the case but I have given this as a good example of yes this does and can happen … there needs to be a round table conference with every one together … every one needs to be given the same opportunity to talk
If you’ve tried to resolve this among you all to no avail, then I say you did the right thing. Protect your child at all costs.
I think talking with her even though you already did, but maybe be more this time , making a report could also open up a lot of unwanted situations but then again could scare her into not acting that way with ur son but his father should absolutely speak to her too and if he won’t u could sit down with both of them ? Hope it goes well either way ur son doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment at all.
Why can’t you speak directly to her?Seems like the perfect starting point.You don’t say how old your child is or how she is mistreating him.Its hard to advise when description is so vague.Obviously no one should ever physicaly touch your son,at home or away.If you’ve all ready called cps there’s not a lot you can do now.
Listen to your child
As when I was a child no one listened
Then report her
Then kick her ass
You did right by reporting it. If it comes out as false, at least you know he is safe. Well until the punishment for the false accusation. Lol
I would confront her personally and let her know if I hear of it again I’d be the one mistreating her.
Report do nothing cause you can’t help your child in jail. Let the authorities handle it
You have done the right thing because if u just left it and something bad happens to him when with her you would feel horrible for not doing something about it when he told u it was happening. Your just protecting your son x
You tried and it didn’t seem to matter to his father. I think your doing what’s best for your child. A well check at their home is good but your son will need to know to be honest when questions are being asked. I pray he doesn’t get scared and lie to make things ok. I understand kids play both sides , but my feelers are really thinking your son has hurt feelings over this because it is true. I’ll pray for your fam
His dad should have sorted this out with his wife not you. Protect your child.
Go straight to the source and advise her accordingly
And when you say step mom, are they in fact married or just living together ? Because that could be written on custody papers that unless they married she can’t watch him. Just throwing things out you gave rights to say and ask
I think you skipped a step but that’s in the past. Since YOU called it in and claimed abuse. Till they are done with their findings it would behoove you to send your son back to that house aka you could be hit with abuse for sending him into the lion’s den. So now you have to wait for decision, if it is found that means his DAD can not see him in her presence EVER (if charged) and that will now prove hard on their relationship (dad and son). I could have thought of many ways without involving a government agency but that is long past. Now you have to protect yourself and son from accusations, dad being upset that he now has to make special arrangements to see his child. For all you know, your son could be acting up with her and now she’s being investigated for correcting your child. This also sends your child a signal that if he says something (true or not) those people will get into trouble. Not something you want to teach him. Like I said there were other ways to correct this but you jumped off the mountain instead of backing up and working your way to that conclusion. Your choice is final now, live with the fall out and hopefully find other methods to deal with issues before going full board and then regretting it. Your child may not be able to see his dad now without supervision. So many things can happen now that you have no control, if you go against what they say, you are not in a position to be charged along with them! SMH Clearly a conundrum. Hoping it all turns out so everyone is happy.
I’m curious as what she did and I would want to find out specifically from her what happened. I think you did the right thing though because even if its unfounded at least she will watch herself from now on.
U did the right thing
You did right by reporting. Start taking photographic evidence of your son before he leaves with them and when he comes back, if he has bruises and such. If it escalates, get a PFA. They aren’t married so you can do the pfa.
I’d of definitely spoken to her (not nicely)
I’m the “evil step mother” and I gave my son chores. Considering his mother did not require him to lift a finger, I was “abusive.” guess which teenaged boy lives w us full time cuz he’s out of control? He’s always listened to me AND now he knows how to cook, clean, laundry and basic sewing.
Well the first question would be what is your child’s definition of mistreatment. What did she do? He just might not like her telling him what to do or something.
I think you should have talked to your son, the son’s father and your ex husband wife together to get to the bottom of this. That way everyone involved can have their say. Maybe that would end this
I would done the same thing.
Children don’t tell lies please confirm the bitch
Get a camera up in a room and get his dad to go out for a few minutes or something. That way it’s on video and you have a leg to stand on and your son isn’t made to look like a liar
Your child comes first. You done the right thing. If you believe your child then stand by him and protect him any way you can.
Well, for starters, don’t always expect your kid to tell the truth. I loved and looked after my stepdaughter like she was my own. She took a notion she didnt want to come to our house and decided to tell her mum it was because I was beating her! Ended up in the police station having DNA took and giving statements. Could have lost my bio daughter if it had even went as far as court. Kids DO tell lies and I dont think you should have reported her without talking about it. It can cause a lot of grief for someone who may have done nothing wrong.
Protect your kid at all cost! Don’t question yourself.
I dont understand why he would believe his wife over his flesh and blood…you did the correct thing
Nanny cam in a bag works well, that will give you evidence. The other thing is your job is to protect, nurture and teach your child. They need to know you have their back always but at the same time you need them to only be truthful with you. Remind your child that you can get in a lot of trouble by making false accusations. I pushed a woman down a flight of stairs because she was mistreating my kids and their Dad didn’t believe me. At least you only reported it.
Can you get custody of him?
What does your gut instinct tell you? Does he tell the story the same every time? Have other people witnessed it? With the previous history you mention I’d say it’s likely. She probably has resentment towards him. You’d be surprised how differently women can act towards children that aren’t theirs.
I think you did the right thing. This creates a paper trail & lets stepmom know you mean business & the abuse needs to stop. I wouldn’t let my child go there at all anymore
You do whatever it takes to protect your child. Period.
No…its your job to protect him, if it were anyone else would you stay silent?
It really depends on what she did to be honest. You did mention being told never to touch him again. If she physically assaulted my child I’d file a report and have her arrested to be honest. Document visits in case any bruises appear and slam her ass with a PFA.
Call CPS they will get to the bottom if it …
you did right protect ur child…
Have herinvestigated. She might get the shit scared out of her and start being a better person.
My kid step mom did her dirty one time. Then I showed up when my kid called to pick her up. Scared her strait
My step mom did spiteful things that manipulated my dad during visitation. I haven’t had a meaningful conversation with my dad since I was like 9 years old. She did her damage by process of elimination. But my dad obviously allowed it. Do what you need to do. They can take your child alone and speak to him and ask questions. Xx
Honestly step parents get a bad wrap, esp from the kids perspective. Ppl always think step parents treat their step kids badly. I think sometimes ppl look for it and scrutinize step parents.
Not enough details… his age? What he considers as mistreatment? You never said what she had done. I noticed you mentioned that she had been told not to touch him again. That is a firm no no for someone to place their hands on a child that is not their own, period, but you didn’t say that’s what occurred now. A long time ago I dated a man who had a child claim that I mistreated him. Everyone lost their mind and deemed me evil without questioning it, then we all got together and discussed with him present. My “not allowing him to eat” was my refusing to take him to McDonald’s for all meals, something I did not allow my own to do. My “threatening him” was me calmly telling him and my own sons that I will not tolerate bad behavior and there would be consequences if they didn’t stop, my “refusing to let him call his mom” was a dead cell phone on the way home from the amusement park. Someone said that children do not lie in this thread, not true. There are multiple sides and perspectives to each story. I’m not saying that your child is lying. I’m not saying to assume that he is. I’m saying that I would clarify what happened before acting unless he has reported or there is the suspicion/signs of physical/mental/emotional or sexual abuse. I have seen much turmoil and toxic co parenting because a child runs back and forth saying things about mom or dads new significant other because they are having difficulty dealing with the change, are still dealing with and adjusting to the divorce or believe they can get their parents back together. Which none of these things may be true, the woman could be a witch, and protecting your child is a priority.
Don’t send your son to his fathers till this woman’s out of his life
Well it’s hard to give advice to someone when the description of abuse is so vague , and how old is the child ? You should not allow ur child to go until matter is resolved bcz u never know what a person is capable of until it’s to late
If you have court orders parenting stop contact immediately let father contact mediation to see Boy again after matters sorted out
U do whatever it takes to protect ur child. And why did the dad want u to speak to his own wife? Maybe she mistreated him too…
Speak to the woman ask her straight to explain what your child has told you keep in mind kids know what buttons to push and they do lie
Listen to your child…they dont lie about gut feelings xx stay strong xx
I would say you definitely need some legal help regarding this. So many possibilities of what could be going on.
The best route is to let the law handle it !! Cuz I beat the hell out of anyone who touched my kid !!
If you are concerned it is your responsibility to take them back to court & change arrangements. Protective services step in when the children arent being protected & can work against you. I learned this first hand. I was told if we were concerned we should have acted before their involvement, even though I was trying to act by calling them to get involved. Lesson learned.
Your job is to protect your child. It to be concerned with other people’s feelings. .You did well.
Don’t you need proof if court is going to be involved?
Talk to her and let her know others that say they have seen the treatment the bust her ass and let ex know he will see the child only at your place without her ,nothing would get on my bad side till you screw with one of my kids and file a report.
I’d note each time n if any more I’d go back to court n file sole custody r make ruling not to have him alone with her!!
If you feel this is a legitimate problem/issue consult with your attorney. I advise a call to the police to file a complaint as well as CPS! They will investigate and make a determination. You are responsible for the protection and welfare of your child! This will be difficult for all of you! Based on other individuals concern about her attitude and behavior an investigation seems necessary. You stated there was a previous incident as well in which she received a warning to desist in any physical contact. I’m sorry legal steps to suspend visitation are in order until a determination is made. You can not ignore what I feel are clear warning signs.
Without knowing what she did can we really answer this question? Did she tap his hand and say no more candy? Or did she throw him into the wall? Did she send him to his room? Or did she lock him in his room? Sorry, but theres not enough details for an actual response.
You’re doing the right thing! Steadfast MamaBear
It’s a tough spot I know it well and I will say that you need to be real sure before you do anything because kids also know how to work this to make them look like a victim when they are not I’m not taken sides but I have been in that situation before and there are definitely two sides to things hopefully there isn’t any wrongdoing if there is it needs to be dealt with it’s easy to get emotional and want to believe everything your child says and I don’t know anything about what happens but I do know that you don’t want to make accusations about somebody unless you have actually seen what happened or you know for sure from some other source it’s just a sticky situation that really sucks for the time being that will probably be way different a couple years down the road I’m definitely not an expert but I have been in that situation in the past and things are completely different now
Yes. Are you aware of what happens under DCFS. you should have phoned the police department. Let them handle it
When are you mothers going to start putting body cams on these children
Omg. Yes, take whatever steps you need to to protect your kiddo.
He needs to hide a camera to catch her in the act. Take the proof to court and redo your custody of your child.
I would confront her. Don’t be nice about it either. If you have to confront her after every visit
I give you an award for keeping your composure. When my son was 4 he told me the same thing about his Dad’s gf. I waited for her and got in her face and scared the crap out of her. I was known as the crazy woman after that but she knew better than to mistreat him again.
See…mine wouldn’t be going back til we got to the bottom of the situation. They can call the police…call the judge…call the pope…call their mama. I am not going to send my child somewhere that they are being mistreated… I will sit in jail first…and if it kept on I’d probably end up there anyway for whipping her ass.
You do what you think is best to protect your baby to many kids are getting abused and murdered
Same thing happened with my niece. I turned it in to DCFS, they said it was unfounded good job big dumb asses she ended up being a cutter and started cutting herself now she’s diagnosed with severe depression.
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Tell social services about this if the father doesn’t do anything.
You tried to resolve it so YES YOU DID you must protect your son at all cost. I’d also seek legal help for full custody and supervised visits for dad
Not sure how old he is but maybe have him bring a recorder with him or set up a nanny cam where it happens the most n get it on video somehow so you have more proof than just what he is telling you.
Mistreat him in what way and how old is the boy ?
What does ‘mistreat’ mean?? Does she hit him??
I’d mistreat her!!! You did the right thing
I would most definitely confront her about it and tell her if she does it again she will have to deal with you…I dont bite my tongue when it comes to my kids…u should confront her
100percent did the right thing should report her to police aswell, and keep her permanently away from your child
If she is abusing your child, making a report is the right way to go. Dad should have talked to her, he’s married to her not you.
You absolutely did the right thing. If she put her hands on him a second time, theres clearly no getting through to her. His dads sucks too.
You are your child’s advocate… stay strong!!
You are completely in the right!!! Your ex should always believe their child untill it is proven different. He should be the one talking to her. She’s lucky it’s you not me… I would have kicked her ass the first time.
I would have reported it the first time it happened. Take your son right to the authorities and have him fill out a statement.
Already told not to touch him? I feel like there is a lot more to the story and that you probably made the right call to make a report… you might go back to your lawyer/court regarding custody arrangements too- you do what is needed to protect your kid.
U did the right thing! My kids said the same thing and their father refused to protect them. His now 2nd xwife almost broke my daughters nose and bruised her face when she was 3yrs old. She was nonverbal autistic at the time.
You should also get him in therapy.
There are not enough details here for me to form an opinion on whether your concerns are valid or if you’re heartbroken and insecure about another woman around your child. When you said she was told not to touch him again I got the feeling you mean there is physical abuse going on here? If that’s the case than maybe social worker is the way to go
I think you just created another problem. Now that’s you’ve called DCFS for your kid make sure your ducks are in a row too. The tables can be turned. You had the opportunity to speak to her again but chose not to
I’m a stepmom and let me just say that my stepdaughter would play her mom and I against each other. I’m not saying that this is what happening but, it’s possible. She would tell me one thing and her mom and stepdad another, her mom and I had it out because she told her I was calling her fat when I was telling her that she couldn’t eat caramels because of her braces. Oh and she also told them that on our weekends she was at my sisters house and not with us, which she stayed 1 night there ever.
You do what you have to for your child. If you truly feel that he is being mistreated by her, do whatever is necessary. We are our children’s voice
I wouldn’t have held back. Mess with my kids I’ll mess up your face.
I had to report my ex because my son who was 2 at the time came home with belt welps across his butt and lower legs (3 days after the “spanking”) because he was being potty trained and peed on the floor a little in front of the toilet so that was his dads way of “correcting” him. Damn right I contacted CPS and kept my son from him until the investigation was done. If someone is hurting your child or mistreating them it dont matter WHO it is, you are the mother, it’s your job to protect your child from everyone and everything, no matter who gets pissed with you. I would rather someone pissed at me and not talking to me than planning my childs funeral because someone thinks it’s ok to mistreat my child.
Don’t let him go over there
If you mean that this woman was physically/sexually/verbally abusive to your child… once is too many times and I’d be reporting her immediately.
You made the right choice. Unfortunately, his father not believing him may have life-long consequences.
Always be in your child’s corner and their best advocate💞 rather find out my child lied, then do nothing and have a tragic outcome