Yes this is the correct way to go. Protect your baby always! If Dad doesn’t believe him, I know he’s so thankful to have you as a protector and an advocate for him. Good job mommy! 
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If I thought someone mistreated my child the first person I’d want to speak with would be that person. I agree make a report but I’d have some words for her for sure!
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I was a stepmother and my son also has a stepmother. Communication is always the key to co-parenting. Of course, first and most importantly believe your child is expressing a concern . However, I was a wicked step-mother for many years, before becoming very good friends with my step child’s mother. Lack of communication from one another was always the issue. You did what you felt was best, you can never he wrong for that, however , there is always an opportunity to communicate and solve even after getting others involved. You should really think about a mother to mother talk remember in not to he defensive and to keep an openmind. Good luck.
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Believe your child first and always! Go with your gut on how to handle this. I personally would do what you’re doing. Prayers
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I won’t tell a person more than once I should have to tell someone to treat my child right especially someone who is supposed to love them like I do and if they would of put there hands on my child we would be fighting I don’t play about my kids I don’t care who you are …you handled that better than I would of
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What age is the child, what is the mistreatment?? I am a stepmom to a 13 and 15 year old. They tell their mom I “am mean” even though it’s not being mean. We have rules and consequences for actions. Their mom doesnt. Lets them run wild. Not at our house. So more info is needed.
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I need more info. I mean there is too many variables to say you did the right thing or not. I treat all my nieces and my daughter same and I’m strict. They would say i mistreat but I don’t. I just don’t give in as easily as thier moms. There needs to be more to the story. I mean cps isn’t going to do anything but a family meeting.
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Well after 4 years dcf finally did something when my children were being abused by their stepmother we had to have meetings every month with caseworker family court, the state pressed charges against her, needless to say the father has not seen or spoke to his children in 2 years and choose her over all this I now have sole/ and physical custody of them, she was offered a plea deal last week and decided to fight the case so jury trial is set for April
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If you believe your child, which in my opinion, you should, then yes, you did the right thing. You tried to handle it. Expectations were not met. So, you have to do what you have to do to protect your child. I have a step son. His mother accused me once. I told her to bring it. I never hurt him. Everybody got lawyers, never saw a day in court. I never hurt him. She is bitter and a little crazy. He and I have a great relationship now. So do she and I. I do not know where the allegations came from. But I do not fault her for believing and standing up for her child.
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NEVER get CPS involved with any child UNLESS they’re actually being abused or neglected! If you really don’t like the way she treats your child say something! If that doesn’t change it then take them to court. Have all your facts and proof together before going though. That’s the only real way to get results.
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I think you did the right thing. You’re handling this a lot better than I would. I can be patient and understanding, but not often when it comes to my son.
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Talk to school counselor. Ask them to meet with child at school. You will learn a lot about how your kid sees the adults in their life.
Absolutely NOT wrong. If a child is being mistreated and the adults in the home won’t put a stop to it then I absolutely reccomend outside intervention!! I did this to a “friend” one time after his gfs kid ended up with a badly bruised foot due to a weight being dropped on it that he was forced to carry for punishment
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As a mom and a step mom, I understand both sides of this. When I was fairly new in my step son’s life, he resented me and felt that I was interfering with his time with Dad. He would tell his mom that I was mean to him and would throw things at him (not even close to true). I was an interloper and had completely messed up his routine. He would admit to dad that he was lying, but his mom wouldn’t believe it and almost filed a report on me. I would never mistreat him, I love him like he is my own. It was hard for him to adjust to me, and now years later, things are evened out and so much better.
But I also understand her looking out for him and the fact that she was going to report possible abuse was simply her being a responsible mom. Thankfully it all worked out for us. Good luck momma.
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Depends on what she was doing. My husband and I have custody of his and of course now my kids. One of the first things the judge told our sons mom was that I have ever right to disciple how I see fit including spankings. Just bc you dnt like the way she disciplines doesnt mean she is wrong. Again, it all depends on what she is doing, is what she is doing abuse or is it bc you dnt agree?
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Unfortunately this child is probably playing the mom because of the way she talks in their household about the step mom allowing the child to play these type of games. This sounds like if the father did not see an issue there was not one. Kids do not like to be disciplined when they are not use to it. If she is the step mom and they have custody why shouldn’t she able to discipline? This sounds like really petty. Also your only gonna traumatize your child going through this process of cps but to each it’s own.
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Anytime I have envolved CPS, I have regrets. No help they never believe the children until it’s too late.
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Absolutely doing the tight thing! That is your child, regardless of whether dad believes it or not, believe what your child says unless proven otherwise.
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Absolutely it’s our job as their mothers to protect our children at any cost.
Not wrong at all. You did the right thing. Think about it this way. Put yourself in you son’s shoes and no one believed you and you had to live that reality. Also, you could be saving yourself from catching a case. If you don’t do anything now, it will escalate and you’ll probably do something “illegal” to her. Be your child’s safe haven.
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Are you 1000% sure your son is telling the truth? I only ask because I have been going through the same thing with my 10 year old. He has said some pretty terrible things about my fiance which I know arent true. But my son has also been know to get caught in a lot of lies. If you are sure, then yes report it. Just make sure because I know what my son said about my fiance & what would have happened if my ex husband had reported it. Best of luck to you!
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Be careful! Sometimes the child will play both bio parents to attempt to get what they want. I’ve personally had it happen. Family wasn’t too happy either because my hubby grounded our (his bio) son to his room once… Hubby’s family was pretty upset that I was enforcing that groundment while he was at work so I was “mean” as well. After a few rounds with CPS because he said hubby was abusing him it finely came out that what he was trying to do was split us up in hopes that his parents would be together. Granted they were never together in the first place… And he was 10-12 doing this!
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Not wrong at all. My father didn’t believe me when I told him about his girlfriend. It took years for him to see it
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Dear Mom -
First, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this… And even more sorry that your child is in a situation where he’s unhappy.
I don’t think anyone has enough information to determine if DCF should or shouldn’t be involved… was there a physical altercation? Was your child hurt? Did he need a dr? Are there injuries?
Is this a “parenting style” disagreement? (Ie your child was spoken to in a manner that is inappropriate? Yelled at? Etc…)
I believe (I’m not an expert) that by calling DCF, you are essentially reporting this woman AND his FATHER for leaving him with someone that you believe to be unsafe… and this could start a custody war.
This is NOT a judgment just food for thought. It isVERY important to listen to your children in cases like these. It is also important to recognize that when a new Significant Other enters the picture after a divorce and tries to discipline (especially if it differs from the style or rules in the other home) - there are going to be difficulties. Physical assault aside, working together for a united front in supporting each other whenever possible (abuse not included) is always best for your children. There are always cases where you don’t like different styles or rules but understand that it’s not your house - again, abuse aside.
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You’re protecting your child. You did the right thing.
His father chose not to believe him and the stepmom was told not to touch him again. I would file charges against the stepmother and see about seeking sole custody with supervised visits for the father until stepmom learns to keep her hands to herself.
You protect kids, your own and others. If their is a concern of a child being hurt or neglected always report! I would hate gor something to go on because someone doesn’t want to get involved or doesn’t want to “overreact” I hope he is ok!
Make sure he speaks the truth. I believed my son wholeheartedly and after several years of troubling realationships with my exhusband and his girlfriend, my son finally told me the truth. He lied just because he didn’t want to go there.
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What does ur son mean by mistreats him??. Can mean different things to different ppl. Is she being spiteful, and bullied or not letting him eat Ice cream for breakfast. We went thru this with my granddaughter. She didn’t like the new bf correcting her. So she said he was being mean. Telling a child no is not being mean. The post is kind of vege
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Well you already reported it and it sounds like you’re having second thoughts. It sounds like you spoke to the dad before and not her. I would have spoken to her to find out what was going on before jumping off that cliff. And that was a big jump! It’s like using the ER for a runny nose. Was he coming home with marks on him?
I would have just gone to court and ask for daddy’s visitation be stopped and why. Maybe then he will do something about it.
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Define “mistreats”. Like is she physically abusing or neglecting him or just getting onto him when he misbehaves? If you really believe him to be in danger then you would have taken it to court with PROOF and a judge could have decided but you just opened the government up to come into both of your homes. I would have to have a more elaborate response as to how he was mistreated to judge this one.
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I know we all want to believe everything our kids tell us but you are the adult you should of sat down with the step mom and had an adult conversation .
Absolutely if she didn’t react after the first talk she probably never will. And why didn’t your husband talk to her seems to me it is his responsibility not yours.
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First of all there are a lot of things to consider here. What is mistreat? How old is the child? How long has the step mother been a part of the child’s life? What is the custody agreement? Does this child spend 50% of their time in this household also? Is it setting rules in their household for the child to follow being called “mistreated”? Is the child living in a stricter environment and not happy they have to conform? Wether or not you like the rules of the other parents home they have the right to set perimeters for the child to follow while in their care, aside from any form of neglect or physical abuse. If the woman is married to your ex then she has the right to act in a parental capacity towards your child in most states. Family court is where custody issues are suppose to be heard. Child protective services is an avenue for cases of child abuse and/or neglect. Unless you feel that your child is being abused or neglected then they would not be the correct choice. Family court would.
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I personally would have addressed her and my ex in person and made it clear that I know what she has been up to… After that if my child makes a comment about it then yes DCF. That’s your baby never apologize for protecting them…
You’re not wrong to have filed a report. Our mom died when we were extremely young. The woman who he married caused my sister and I to have therapy for PTSD. Until she is investigated, do not send the kids over!
DCF can come back on you, too. They’re not always there for the best interests of the children.
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You want your child to be safe right?than you DoD the right thing
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You do everything you can momma, don’t you EVER second guess that guy instinct and you keep being that mamma bear. Your son came to you with abuse accusations. You do all you can to keep him safe!!! Keep going, the tunnel can seem dark at times, but the light at the end makes it all worth it!!!
I would do the same! If you can’t get anywhere with his Father then as a parent you have to do what’s best to protect your child! She has no business miss treating your child! So No you are not over Reacting!!
U did the right thing. Protect your kids at any and all costs. I have been in your shoes! It sucks.
Just be careful with DCF. Once they’re in your life its hella hard to get them out. This includes them coming at you as well. Overall you’re not wrong, you got to do what u have to and protect your son. Good luck!
Just by saying… " don’t be rude " you know you already made a mistake and are looking for affirmation. Hope it goes well for you though.
How old is the child i wouldnt trust them both with the child until they both ubderstand they need to respect the child and not be cruel and the father should put his childs wellbeing before his partner no matter what !!!
Not wrong at all!! You gave her a chance already. Protecting your son is the most important job you have and since you’ve already tried to keep the peace by not calling to no avail, you had no choice but to call in my opinion.
Not wrong at all!!! My stepdad abused me and my dad and stepmom calling dcf saved me and my little sister. Dont feel guilty for protecting your child momma. Rather have someone mad at me than my child to be abused in any way
You are doing the right thing, always listen to your child and believe them.
You absolutely did the right thing by protecting your child in anyway possible!!! Good job mama
Always believe your child but on top of all that communication is key my 4 year old has pin pointed her father, me, her step mother, and her step father against each other to the point of child services being called on both houses and it turned out that it was different rules and routines confusing her to believe we were all mean the 4 of us talk at least twice a week and now have the same routine and similar rules (rules will never be exactly the same since its 2 different environments)
I don’t notice that the age of the child in question was stated, but kids may need to elaborate on mistreated. If by mistreated he means she won’t let me sit on a video game, or she makes me clean my room is different than she hit or has done worse. Either way, the situation needs to be discussed with all adults and if going through outside means if necessary than that will be your way to get him to not brush aside your conxerns
Mean to a child could mean that he is being made to follow rules. I hope you have specifics. It is not ok to be abusive in any manner. If you really think there is something to be concerned about, definitely don’t hesitate to call DFS. or even have police do a wellness check if you think it is necessary. In the meantime I really hope everything is ok.
I hope you didnt jump to conclusions. Once you are in the system it can be hell!! On all of you. Co parenting and everyone get along. Dont let a child manipulate and never put each other down in Front of child
Do whatever you have to, to protect your child. But remember there is a difference between mistreatment and a child who just thinks a parent or step parent is mean when setting boundaries
How come you didn’t say anything to the step-mom?.. get her side of the story… kids do stretch the truth…
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Lots more info needed. What constitutes as mistreatment? How old is the child? Is the child in danger of harm?
Too much unknown to make a judgment, but err on the side of caution is better than letting something go.
You did the right thing! Hopefully DCF will do their job!
From what’s stated here it says she was told never to touch him again which to me sounds like she has put her hands on him! Also looks like family has also seen mistreatment. You only get one chance and one talk from me on that matter before I’m handling things a different route! You should always take what your kids are saying seriously! The father should also be taking this matter seriously and speaking to his wife! Not you! Do what you think is in the best interest of your child! Always!
As a parent I would hv had a sit dwn with the step mom , dad and child. Then I make a decision if I get child services involved. I see a lot of times kids really think they are hated for the simplest reason. The sit dwn also may make step mom n dad step up their game , if something was wrong.
Need more info. How old is the son? What “mistreatment” happened? What were the circumstances?
After reading the other comments and rereading the OP’s post, I’m not sure if it was the right thing. It’s possible it was it’s possible it wasn’t. As others have pointed out the post is very vague. Mistreats how? That can very subjective. Trust me having DCF in your life is very tough. I know from personal experience, not with my kids but another family member and let me tell you you’re at the mercy of a social worker and not all are good. Protecting your kids is ALWAYS the right choice but to make a formal decision we would need to know more details.
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My stepson use to make up horrible stories about me. I refused to ever be alone with him for fear someone would believe him and it would jeopardize my custody of my daughter.
Anything and I mean ANYTHING that protects a child is not wrong.
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I would want to protect my child and if that means that the stepmother can’t see the child, that’s what needs to
happen to protect my babies
Once you involve DFS nothing is ever the same for step parent or parent.
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Your children’s safety should be the most important thing to you.
You did the right thing. As a child that was abused by my step-father. DO NOT let it go. Be vigilant and always keep an eye on what is going on. Once your son gets older and fight back it may calm down. But she may always still be verbally mean to him.
I need to know what mistreated is. Was a little slap on the hand for trying to grab something dangerous or actually abusive behavior.
You did the right thing let the courts and a counselor who is not directly involved speak with him and find the truth
You did the right thing! One thing kids don’t lie about is abuse. Get him out of that abuse as soon as possible.
Yes, make a report. Document everything. Quit letting him go over there. If theres a court order, get it changed.
Im afriad that my son will be mistreated too when o get to relationship… my son is the most precious thing for me
What actually happened? Also what is your current custody/visitation arrangement?
Dcf will not take his visitation away… if they do I was told they take him from both u…
I report my daughter dad for leave her home alone… go to the court system
If he won’t handle someone needs to! You did the right thing
You need to all get together in one room and hash it out. Theres no reason to call DCF if she isnt harming him. If she is putting him in danger, call, but if not, theres no point. Treating him poorly is not a reason. So you call everyone together and you find limits and boundaries. Confront her in front of dad and talk it out. If that doesnt work then discuss with dad what to do next. But make sure your child understands you are doing it all to take care of him. Dcf will investigate everyone now.
Not wrong at all. I would have done the exact same.
Calling DCF was pretty low. You should’ve tried being an adult and talking to her. Could be you son just plays off your obvious hatred for her. She is his step mother aonot is totally unrealistic and unreasonable to expect her to not be an active participant in raising and disciplining him.
You did the right thing. Involving yourself with her could lead to both of you losing custody. If you can file a restraining order against her and file for temp. Custody. You don’t know if she will retaliate against your child once she knows she could be in trouble.
My child wouldn’t have to worry about it because I would have beat that heifer unconscious
Need more information. I mean kids will say things true or not if they can either divide the adults or if they can’t get their way.
Honestly, if you feel that she is indeed mistreating your child and there are other people who have witnessed her mistreating him, then you are in the right in making a report. I do want to say though that my stepson, when his mother was alive, told her that I would beat him with a belt when I never did, and that I would beat him when I would get mad which was completely untrue as well, especially when it was when my husband and I first got together. He was lying to her because he didn’t want his father to be with anyone but his mother, which is understandable, but she already had a bf long before I came into the picture and the son was perfectly fine with that. I’m not saying that she is not doing anything wrong, especially if others have seen it, I’m just speaking from my own experience that sometimes children will say things if they don’t want their parents with someone else.
Once is enough. It’s not your job to keep her in check, it’s his. Also, that’s not her kid, it’s his- the custody arrangement is for his father to see him, not his fathers wife. He needs to be there, and if he can’t, then I guess he needs to be with you.
How old is the child being affected? Will this child be made to go back and be in this situation?
If the author would like to message me I would like to share my experience with a similar situation. Im don’t want to put on here for all to see.
Unfortunately In my experience dcfs won’t do anything. My children’s step mother has thrown my child from an suv into a puddle of mud on a December night (Illinois) she has also spanked my children with wooden spoons and recently slapped my child across the face.
Stand up for your child go to any length to protect him!
It’s never wrong to do something to protect your child.
Guess I would need more specifics about the incident and the age of your child to make a truthful opinion
Ok as a step and bio mom yall need to learn to work together. It shouldn’t be about what she did or what you did. What if your son is being a total brat when dad isnt home and saying things “well my mom said you cant touch me!” And causing all kinds of grief because they know it will cause an issue and then bam step mom is gone and maybe dad and mom can be together again?!?! Maybe this kid doesnt agree with the rules dads home. There are so many things that could be happening. Are you as the bio parent voicing unruly opinions of said step parent in front of the child? I know in my case biomom caused my sks relationship with me to go from bonded like they were my bios to them hating me 100% (this all happened when she was granted a temporary visitation order). DSS is nothing to joke about and can make everyone’s life a living hell! My sks figured out they can make any adult afraid of them by telling lies to the school, since the school has to report. Now they get whatever they want from everyone but me and their dad and we are now the evil doers because we dont cave in. Instead have a family meeting with dad, you, step mom, step dad (if there is one), and kid. Discuss what is going on and see what solution can happen. Dont take away all of step moms power either, that leaves it open for said child to destroy the home.
You did the right thing. I had to stop going over toy families house because they are abusive toward their son and my son. I called CPS on them because the way they live and treat people .
No your not wrong especially seeing his father isn’t watching out for him.
This same thing happened with my two oldest. Their dad didn’t believe me when I would call his ex out for how she was treating them when dad was at work. He finally caught her in the act and left her that day. They now have the most amazing step mom I could ask for. I hope it works out, just keep standing your ground.
Need more info. I.e what is she doing to him? She is being mean is very vague
Deal with it. Make dad deal with it. My step mom abused me and I said nothing for a long time. When I finally spoke up, my mom stepped in. It stopped because it had to or my dad wasn’t going to see me.
Document what you child tells you-with pictures if you can-and who was there.
My step mom and I have an amazing relationship today. I call her mom. We just had to learn to be with each other. Good lock and god bless.
I’ve been here! As a stepmum who takes no nonsense (not even from my bios) and they are used to ruling the roost with BM; proper child worship in that house! Sounds like maybe your son doesn’t like rules…
You’re a better woman than me bc I would be having a “physical” conversation with her!!
How do you know your son is not lying? Have you put thoughts in his head that he should say or do things like this? Kids are influenced by their parents so maybe he thinks you want him to do that. If there is no proof of marks how can you be sure?
My ex step mother abused me, and my parents both talked to her and it kept up. I am a mom and a step mom… I would have done the same for my kids and my step kids… You handled better than me
Depends on what the “incidents” were…Physical, emotional, verbal abuse? Does she say no a lot, and he thinks she is picking on him? It’s hard to give advice without more details. IF it is abuse of some sort, then you are absolutely right to call DCF, and you should tell his father that he owed it to his son to find out the truth, not just dismiss him, so he left you no choice. ESPECIALLY if there have been incidents before, and nothing was done, tell him he is failing your son, and you have every right to intervene. I know kids can be sensitive, and even dislike or lie on step-parents sometimes, but I also know there are people who mistreat children, and people who would rather believe their spouse than listen to their child, and he seems like he would rather believe his new wife. Did he even give you a legitimate reason for not believing him? Yeah, he is failing your son, big time. You have every right to do what takes to make sure your son is heard, and protected.
The father should be talking to HIS wife. Not asking you do it
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