My Son's Dad Never Wants to See Him: Should I Pull the Plug on Their Relationship?

[anonymous12]

QUESTION:

"I have a four-year-old son from a previous relationship, and his father has another child from a relationship before him and me. My son’s father never spends time with my son, doesn’t help financially at all. He sees my son every 2-3 months.

Meanwhile, he has his other son every weekend or every other weekend. He lives 10-15 min away from us.

It is hurtful because my son always asks for his dad, and I don’t know what to say, but I don’t feel the need to chase him down to get him to spend time with my son. I’ve done that for years, and I am sick of it.

Plus, he’s in another relationship, and she has children that he spends time with and helps her with, and I’ve said something before, and they always try to make me look like the crazy “bitter” baby momma, but I really want nothing to do with him, just want him to be a dad. So I guess my question is, how would your moms handle the situation?

Should I continue to let him take my son whenever he wants, every few months, or should I keep my son away and raise him the way I want to? It was an abusive, toxic relationship, and I kind of don’t want my son to pick up on any of those habits as he gets older, but I understand he needs his father, even though my boyfriend is a better father figure anyway. I am tired of the inconsistent pattern.

Should I ignore, whenever he decides he wants to see my son, or should I continue to let this pattern keep going? I have tried being nice, and it gets me nowhere."

RELATED QUESTION: How Honest Should I Be with My 4-Year-Old About Where His Dad Is?

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

[Joywillis141]

Your son shouldn’t have to keep going through this. His dad is a dead beat and obviously doesn’t care. If he did want to spend time with him he would and no obstacle in the world would stop him. You have raised that child and he is your son so whatever you think needs to be done should be to protect that child. My dad was a horrible man and I eventually stopped contact at the age of 13 when I realised how much better my life was without him and I lost a lot of years because I stayed as long as I did. I wish my mam had taken me away from him in the beginning but I wanted to see him and yes they will take that child’s opinion into consideration. He won’t fight if he doesn’t care. Just remember he’s your son. Keep fighting and stay strong eventually you will win and your son will love u for it. I thank my mother every day for finally saying no more and I’m so happy with her.

[Qcgakasha]

Wow. I just went through this. My ex has not laid eyes on our son in well over a year. No calls or texts, nothing. I just had his parental rights terminated. My son is 12 and is smart enough to see that his father chooses not to be a part of his life. I gave up encouraging a relationship between them. For many life reasons, I am constantly reminding my son that we can’t control what other people do, only how we react to it. Your child has to understand that and that it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with his father’s choices. Best wishes to you and your son!

[tokyorose01]

I know it’s hard I’ve been there however I had chosen my daughter to choose what she wanted, she loves her dad and I respect that…for years she tried and I supported her and yes I was there to pick up the pieces…I did teach my daughter not to expect alot but if he gives her the time she needed then to take it…
Yes I wanted to protect her and yes he didn’t deserve her but at end of day its pur children who will teach us resilience,patience and forgiveness…
She is 21 and still holds hope but now she can stand on own two feet. She is strong enough to take the blows from her dad’s inability to be what she needs from him…I always do tell her dispite this one flaw he loves her he just doesnt know how to be what she needs. It’s not about me in the end its about her, try not to compare dad to stepdad…while you have a stand in dad…your son still loves his dad…it doesnt mean he will be ungrateful to your partner…he will learn the difference as he is older…
Just support him? Teach him not to have high expectations or expect anything too much to lessen the disappointment for him…always let him know how much u love him…
Good luck🙂

[cassilynn]

I pulled the plug with my son and his dad 10 years ago for pretty much the same reason and it was the best decision I ever made

[mikedateeshirtguy]

I’ve been going thru this for years and still hasn’t even tried to establish anything with our son. He had his own company owes a ton in child support but this is not the case. My son is at the point where he recognizes his worth without even bring told. His last visit his dad was rude and since then my son noticed his dad doesn’t care. As mother’s I think we always want them to have that good relationship with their father but when the father is a narcissist or is only a person who just doesn’t care the best interest is always going to be for the child.