My son’s dad’s girlfriend has been overstepping a lot! My son just started kindergarten; today was only his 4th day. His dad has custody from Thursday after school till Sunday at 6. This agreement was made when he was in preschool and getting out of school at 430, which was perfect timing for his dad to pick him up after work. Now our son is getting out of school at 220. So when the school asked who will be picking him up, I told them it would be me picking him up every day because his dad would still be at work. So today, my son’s dad’s girlfriend called my son’s school, referred to herself as his stepmom, and told them that SHE would be picking my son up on Thursdays, and also told them that if my son is sick on Thursdays, they need to call his dad and not me. His dad’s at work. What is he gonna do? He would call his girlfriend, and she would pick him up instead of me! How does that make sense? She then went TO the school, without my son’s dad, and without my knowledge and turned in MINE AND MY SON’S DAD’S custody agreement, our legal paperwork! This agreement is only a parenting time modification from our first custody agreement. I have sole legal custody, I am the primary residence, I am the custodial parent. In the first custody agreement that still stands, states that both parties have to use the other party as their primary contact as a baby sitter. SO… since his dad will still be at work and unable to pick up our son shouldn’t I be the one picking him up?
Not if it’s his days
He gets to pick who picks them up and if he puts her on the list quest what. You don’t get to control what he does on his days lol
I would put her in her place she is just the gf not even the wife I would call your ex and tell him she doesn’t get involved in y’all’s business that is not okay at all
You need to address it with your ex NOW. This is a major over reach. Don’t get angry, don’t freak out, but do let him know that her behavior is over stepping. If the two of you decided to make the change, that would be fine, but the discussion is between you and him. She makes NO decisions for your child.
A girlfriend has no legal right…go up to school put down she isnt allowed to pick child up… you or his dad
Legal, always go for legal advice
It’s my understanding that if she is not his wife or your child’s guardian then she has no say whatsoever and isn’t allowed to contact the school like that. He could have a different girlfriend next week.
The courts did not let my ex’s gf have anything to do or say with anything we did. We never saw each other or spoke to each other and she was not allowed to contact the school.
I would think that you would pick your son up and his father would come get him from you when he is finished with work.
But if I were you I would go to the court house and modify your order under the current situation to reflect the times of his school and not his old daycare. At this point in your child’s life he should be being picked up on a Friday evening and dropped off on the Sunday evening like most school aged children.
The school shouldnt allow that, and you can ask that she not have any knowledge from them about your child nor them accept anything from her. The agreement is not with her, and that’s dangerous.
My first question would be how long as this women been around? So I mean if you trust her I don’t see a issue with her doing pick so dad doesn’t have to grab child from you later. But all the other stuff is a over step. And also my child gets in no ones car without me seeing a car seat set up first. Definitely need a sit down with your sons dad
There’s a lot more we need to know. How long has she been the go? Is she good to your son? Does she take care of your son when she’s with him? If she is good to him and she’s been around a long time there’s no reason she shouldn’t be able to pick him up on his days and keep him till dad is home.
She overstepped by going to school its not her place. If on days his dad has him and he wants girlfriend to pick him up then thats acceptable but she was way out of bounds. School shouldn’t allow that.
Hmm- if your custody agreement says you have to use the other as babysitter, I think you might be right. Especially since she isn’t an actual step parent. I’d discuss it quickly with your lawyer and then have a convo with the dad.
Yes it’s his days, but if the agreement states that he has to use you as the babysitter I think you are correct in saying she shouldn’t be the one picking up…
Shes over stepping and it needs to be addressed period. My step daughter has a mom and a dad, and while I love her I know I am not her mother and I don’t over step my boundaries or do anything without either being asked or offering to do it. The way I see it the child’s parents should be communicating this stuff to eachother and working it out. I’m all for co-parenting and allowing new significant others to be involved, so if you were cool with her picking your son up from school it would be awesome. But for her to not ask and stick her nose where it doesn’t belong is wrong
I would go back to court and get the paperwork updated. And no they should not contact her if the child is sick she has no medical power over the child. And he needs to fix his schedule she has nothing to do with it.
I mean honestly I think you’re overreacting. He should have told you about it beforehand. But other than that I don’t see the harm in letting her pick him up and have him for a couple hours before dad gets home.
Definitely overstepping she is just a gf not even a wife. Put both of them in their place or take it to court
If his dad is at work on the days he is scheduled to pick his son up and his dad has his girlfriend pick his son up then it is ok. Why? Because she is picking him up on HIS time. What his does on HIS time is really not your business… Just like what ever you do on your time isn’t his business.
The school shouldn’t be allowing her to make any decisions on his behalf because she isn’t a parent or a legal guardian so that in itself presents a problem I my eyes if the school is allowing this further more you need to address this with his father as well and if y’all can’t come to an agreement then you need to have the agreement modified again to where both parties agree
She wayyyyyy overstepped
You and dad need to sit down together to have a civil conversation about this
The school shouldn’t be allowing this.
She definitely overstepped by doing this without your knowledge. So I’d definitely be discussing that with her. But, since it’s dad’s time, it really does make sense for her to pick him up… If she’s going to be in this child’s life long term, y’all have got to learn to co-parent… Is she abusive? Do you not know her? If not, then other than her doing this without consulting you, I don’t see the issue.
How long have they been together? I would contact the school and let them know that she isn’t the stepmom, just a gf and that you will be getting your guys son.
Go into the school and let them know only mom or dad picks up the child. They are legally not allowed to release him to anyone else
The school is at fault here…
If your court order doesn’t explicitly prohibit third party pick ups/drop offs then she is not in the wrong.
First, the school shouldn’t be speaking to her at all.
Second, if you’re comfortable with it, she could pick him up Thursdays. It would avoid a handoff. However, if you’re not comfortable with gf picking him up, then that falls back to you. Dad can come get him after he gets off.
Tell they school straight up, don’t listen to what she says, they are not married and not apart of the agreement
Pretty sure you can go back to court and only all0w dad to pick up
Unless this woman’s information is on the “blue card” the school shouldn’t even allow release of the child to this person no matter who it is. If they’re not on the blue card, no release! I would contact the school and tell them nobody but mom and dad is allowed to pick up the child. Now if the child is being picked up on his time you all need to have a serious sit down. Do you not like her simply cause she’s the gf? They been together a long time? Living together? I’m sure this woman sees this child already. May sound like you’re just being bitter.
I’d be talking to an attorney about this
Let her do it. Geeze, be thankful she wants a resposible role in ur kids life
These posts make me really glad I never had to deal with this crap. Some of these Custody agreements are ridiculous nowadays. Talk about control issues.
Overstepping she has no legal right at all
If it was not discussed between you and your child’s dad than yes totally over stepping and I would be contacting the school and making it clear that he is not to go with anyone other than you or the father unless they are otherwise told by you.
Next I’d be having a talk with your ex…
Speak to your ex first and explain you are unhappy with his girlfriend’s behaviour & see if he can sort it amicably first. As because of the time she is around your son you want him to be happy. But if that doesn’t nip it in the bud - give her a copy of the legal terms and tell her that you don’t appreciate her behaviour.
I would also inform the school of your legal standing and reiterate that you are to be called not her & that she does not have any say when it comes to matters concerning your son. Good luck
You can bring it up with your legal team she’s not even allowed to read those papers let alone show them around! Plus she has no legal standing… What a jealous cunt
She has no legal standing to pick him up .
Think you need to chill tbh. Dad and GF living together? OTT of her to take in the paperwork, but then can see why she would if you’d objected to her picking him up on Thursdays. Your just creating animosity and a bad name for yourself if you fight them on this. I know its hard to share our babies, but it is what it is.
You need to contact your ex and the school immediately! She has no authority and in the schools eyes is a “stranger”. Did the school contact you regarding this?
I can’t believe the school allowed this! And you are right. She is over reaching
Sounds like he’s not handling his business. But…he may be telling her to pick him up and do these things. If I was her I would not make such moves out of simple respect for both parents unless the decision was made TOGETHER BY ALL PARTIES. There is not enough info in this post. Also check it out legally it may be within his parental rights to say so on his days. If this is all happening you all should make an effort to communicate better and never fight it’s better for the child.
First talk to School principal. Than address the girl friend and ex. IT is an over reach. You should get first however on his days his can choose whoever for pick ups and babysitter.
I want to know if theyre serious together or not and for how long?
I don’t see an issue with her getting him on his dads days and taking him home.
And if hes sick on dads time her taking him and taking care of him.
Maybe since dad is working he asked her to take stuff to the school?
This sounds more like something you need to speak to your ex about rather than a lawyer.
If she is a serious part of dads life. And is good to your son then why cause an issue?
The co painting goal with a step parent is to get along and co parent like adults.
You all need to sit down and talk a plan out.
If you want to be the picker upper than fine. But talk to the dad about everything and see what he wants too.
I would go to the school and demand they NEVER discuss my child with anyone beside me and his father. Let them know if it happens again you’ll get an attorney. It’s unsafe. Then I’d go to court and get my paper work updated and I’d make sure it stated that “boyfriends and girlfriends” don’t have legal rights and are not parents.
If it’s during his time why wouldn’t she pick him up.
Tell the school they only go through you. And she has no legal rights…
I don’t see a problem with her picking him up… it’s only a couple hour difference. But her talking to the school and going down there was unnecessary. How long have they been together?
Unless they are married she isn’t anyone. Let’s say they break up u dont tell the school she shows up and takes him. No no no if he cant then he should be with you untill he picks him up not her the agreement is between u and him.
I think you should have discussed the early closure of the school and the pick up with his father straight off to see what his situation was
It sounds like you have the right of first refusal in your custody agreement. If that is the case, child goes to you until dad is available. The school needs to follow the custody agreement
The school should not even speak with her about your son unless you gave them permission.
Oh heck no!!! Stay in your lane “step mom!”
Are you sure he was in no way involved. She should not have the ability to make changes with out you or him. I would talk to him and put in a complaint with the school if they actually allowed her to do this
She’s not a parent or guardian and if she’s not listed as an authorized emergence contact they should never turn him over to her. I would talk to your ex and discuss if you want to add her as an emergency person. You would of course then have to contact the school should they break up to remove her again.
Dropping the papers off can be done by anyone so that’s not a big deal. All of my children’s school required a copy of the custody agreement so that they could enforce it. The school, however, shouldn’t be discussing your child with anyone other than the parties on the custody agreement and emergency contacts. The ONLY way she can pick him up is if he asked her to the emergency contact list which, unfortunately without an order from the court stating otherwise, you have no control over who he adds just like he doesn’t have control of you were to add a boyfriend.
Go up there and call the cops when she picks him up she has no legal right to him and lied she will then know you are not playing. If you or the father are not picking up then she kidnapped your child. Period. I bet she won’t do it again
She needs to stay out of this and you just go and pick up YOUR SON
I think this girlfriend is trying to help and be in your son’s life. She seems to be helping and not causing an problem. She probably just doing what the Dad has asked. This is about the kid not your feeling. The dad has rights and should make executive descion with his GF too. I think you need to go back to court make everything legal and not get school or anything involved until it is legal.
You would be as it states you are first point for babysitting. Id be speaking to him regarding this as it sounds as if he may not be aware of her actions and could be rather surprised she’s taken it apon herself. If he wanted her to collect then he would be the one talking to the school and arranging it. Not her. I’d be rather concerned that she is trying to play mummy abit to much when she has them and some boundaries need to be laid out in terms of what she is expected to do and not do. Calling schools, Dr’s and anything like that is a big noooope. The fact she’s actually gone behind your back as well is a big thing and you need to discuss with the dad and possibly change the order again to state you pick up and dad collects from you after work. You as childcare when he’s working or emergency. That only you two can call into places and no partner can do x y z. Before she gets any worse
No fricken way. Id be talking to that school.school should never realease your kid to anyone except who you have on the list. Id tell gf you will call police and have her arrested for kidnapping.put her in her place early. Your kid.your rules!
This is a complete overstep, I am all for co parenting nicely but she is not your child’s step parent she is only a girlfriend. Your custody order states that if the parent can not be there then the other parent will he in their place you also have sole legal custody and primary residence. This definitely needs to be brought up to your ex and explained that you don’t want any problems but you do not appreciate his girlfriend sticking in places she does not belong.
In the same boat and have been for 10 years with my oldest:
If the dumb ass put her on the emergency cards, then they have to release your child to her.
That’s how my ex gets away with it. However, make it known EVERY time with the school that YOU are his mom and the custody order they have on file is between you to and not HER! I’ve also had my ex’s attachment banned from IEP meetings with the threat of showing up and tabling the meeting if she’s there.
I would definitely talk to your ex about what went on and just tell him how you feel but the school should not have been talking to her about your son anyway
Talk to your ex & make it clear that she mind her own business when it comes to your child ,then deal with the school for allowing this to happen it’s a lawsuit waiting to happen…hell no !
How long have they been together?
Is she on the checkout list? If not she no leg to stand on.
Wow! I’d flip! Completely out of order
First of all, she lied saying she was his step-mom. What if they were not together anymore and she shows up to say that? The child shouldn’t be released to anyone who is not on the release list. Definitely talk to your ex-husband and possibly legal to clarify these things. Better be safe than sorry.
If they are living together, long term relationship and she has rightfully assumed that role she should pick him up on Thursday. However, she should have spoken to you, let you and the father know she was willing to do it and you or the father could have talked to the school. She definitely overstepped
What is the reason that you are unhappy with this? It sounds like she’s doing exactly what I’d expect of the “other” parent on “their day”
It sounds like she is being helpful and this is more of a control issue
Uh definitely not. Sounds like she needs to be put in her place by you and him. She is the girlfriend not step mom by any means. That’s your child and your legal paperwork. I would talk to school and the father, come to agreement with him.
U need to talk to dad 1st and foremost…
U son’s dad is at work so it’s u that has an gets u son
Who is she? The school can’t legally release the child to her unless u sign off on it. I would contact the school ab this. They can’t even give info out like if the child is even a student! I worked at a school for some time this is strange. If dad is at work she can’t legally take him to doctor if he is sick she can’t sign off on anything so it makes no sense for her to take him if he is sick.
Ohhhhh no! She would be learning her place realllll quick! Talk to the dad and if y’all can’t come to an agreement then it maybe time to re-modify the original plan!
How long have they been together? If this is a relatively new relationship, I totally understand! I think my daughters bous mom had been around for a little over a year by the time I started trusting her completely. I would definitely call the school and let them know that “step mom” has absolutely no legal claim on your child, not even legally his step ANYTHING and that either you or dad will pick him up, no one else. Also tell dad to check his girlfriend. I haven’t had to deal with many girlies out of my daughters dad but the FEW there were before he got lucky AF needed to be knocked back into their place a few times. YOU are mom. All other arguments are invalid 
I understand that she wants to be involved in your sons life however she is overstepping a lot. Discuss this with your sons father without her and then go back to court if needed.
School needs to do what you say if you have SOLE custody they can get in trouble for that
He probably had her call and allows her to pick him up so he can have him after school instead of u picking him up and shorting his days by 2 hour since u said he gets off around 4. In my opinion this just sounds like a petty issue. She sounds like she’s actually being helpful and involved when it comes to the kiddo.
The ex may have told his gf to just go to the school and do all of that and not come to you. Which, as a father he should be able to decide who picks his child up, but also they should have talked to you about this because it’s your child also and you have the right to know who has your child. Also the school is stupid af for doing anything without the father or mother being there also while this was being discussed.
It sounds like there needs to be more communication between you and your child’s father. I would calmly bring up my concerns and come to an agreement. I would then insist whatever we agree on to be included in the custody paperwork to prevent this from happening again. If his girlfriend has been there for a good amount of time or they seem serious I would try and get a long with her since she is around the child consistently. Anyone who is around my child I would definitely want to get to know. It also makes things easier when there are concerns about the child if all three of you are able to talk like adults and put your differences aside for the child. In a separation the child and their wellbeing is always the most important thing.
Put her in her place. I would do it sooner rather than later. Otherwise she’s just going to keep putting her nose where is doesn’t belong
She should not be involved whatsoever with the school. You need to speak to the school and let them know she’s not married to him and has no legal right to any information about the child. Until she is legally married then that is a whole different ball game but as of now she should not be involved in any decisions related to school or custody agreements. All school information should go through you as prime caretaker and HE is the one that needs the information not the GIRLFRIEND. He should not be sending her and HE needs to CALL you for scheduling changes or conflicts.
If she is not in the court papers she has no rights. My ex’s girlfriend took my children out of state and was brought up on kidnapping charges. In the court papers it’s stated she was not to be alone with my children because she was abusing them and when I went to pick them up she had them out of state without mine or their dad’s knowledge. You have the paperwork shove it down her throat and communicate with your ex or go back to court
I would tell school all communication/correspondence with you only, per your custody agreement. But…if this chick is engaged to him and they are serious, I think you all need to sit down and figure this out. If he works until 4:30 it isn’t crazy for a baby sitter or someone else to do pick up and watch him for 2 hours, but I think it should be discussed with all. And she also needs to know to keep her nose out of things like sharing legal documents that do not concern her. So, I’d be stern, but open to this arrangement if they handle it appropriately
Nope, nope, nope. Thats an agreement you have together and YOU can call the school to allow them to release the child to her. She has no rights, she has no backing legally and YOU and his FATHER are the parents. Theres nothing wrong with her helping when you need it or being another person to love and help with the child but it should be with your agreement.
I can see why you are upset. Since she is the girlfriend if they have a nasty breakup she would be able to take the kids to get back at him. So best thing is to let him know for convenience sake that you will be the one to pick up the child from school and if child is I’ll you will handle it. You will notify the school that she is not allowed to pick him up and if he insists then you will be more than happy to take him to court to change the custody arrangements. You would rather just agree to either drop off the child when he gets home or he can stop at your place to pick him up whatever works best for him. This way he knows you are not trying to restrict his time with the child.
Ummm… #1 they’re not even married! #2 the school shouldn’t be even dealing with her on any level. Call the school and tell them not to talk to her. She is not involved. Definitely overstepping.
This falls back on the school. If you or dad did not okay her picking up than the school should NOT have let her take him.
Okay there’s clearly something missing here , most likely amniosty /previous problems between you and the dad’s GF. Or a simple dislike. Either way, it’d be much more productive to sit and talk it out with her versus asking us on FB . Personally I dont see an issue with her picking him up on his dad’s days if he’s at work?Depending on if they’re in a serious relationship and how long they’ve been together, and if shes good to your son. I mean that’s the goal right? Good co-parenting. It would be nice if she’d let you know but at the same time no harm is being done? Shes simply getting him from school when his dad can’t? I wish you the best. Talk with her.
You and ex need to set up healthy boundaries now before it gets out of hand.
If it’s in your legal forms you need to bring it up with your lawyer cause that’s honestly unacceptable. She needs permission from both parents to act in that manner. You also need to let the school know that she is not allowed to do that. If she’s not on any of the school paperwork she shouldn’t be allowed to pick him up. If you and his father already agreed that you would be picking your son up until he gets off work then he needs to put her in her place.
U should make an appointment with the principal make sure that ur heard loud and clear of the only ones to pick up ur son I had to do this with my 3 kids to insure safety for them also write up a letter to have put in ur sons file
Whoahhhh HELL NO GIRL I’d be FURIOUS
If it says that you and the dad are to be the first notified as a babysitter then she can’t do anything unless there’s written papers at the school. Also they have to be married for her to be considered the Spouse or a parent
I think she or the dad shouldve informed you of this decision and you not have to find out through the school as a third party
You’re so jealous of her.
Ok, not to sound like a bitch but you should talk to the dad before getting a bunch of insights from everyone on FB. Communication is important in co parenting relationships, and from what it sounds like is you are assuming she took this upon herself to do all of this. You should find out if dad asked her to do this, and if yes you have to be ready to accept the fact that she is filling a step mother role in your son’s life, and will be involved in a lot of ways as far as time spent with his dad. 🤷 I pick up my step son when his dad is stuck at work, whether it’s from school or home or a game ect. I also have a great relationship with his mom.
Why cause trouble? It is dad’s time. He should have called the school and added her to the emergency contact and the Thursday /Friday pick up. But in many relationships women are the doers so she did it. Big deal. If she is kind to your son why complain about one more person caring about your child.