I was with my son’s father for seven years. We broke up a month ago and he hasn’t reached out in any kind of way — not a word to his son, who is four years old. In the last year of dating, he has come to visit seven times. About 12 hours’ worth of time if he’s lucky. He lives 40 minutes away and has his own car. My son is named after his father. I would like to get his name changed. He will be in school next year and id like to have it done before then. My question is, do you think changing his name is the right thing to do? I feel it will cause my son sadness being named after a guy who has very little to do with him. My son has asked him why he doesn’t come around much his father’s answer washes just been busy… my son has also told me randomly how his father doesn’t care about him. It is all very hurtful. I feel so heartbroken for my son. How would you bring up the subject to change a child’s name u had with someone? I just really need to hear how people would handle this if it was you?
I doubt his last name bothers him. It’s what hes use to by now.
So he has had his father’s name for four years now you ain’t together you want to change it. Your son deserves to have his father’s last name. It’s not about you it’s about what your son deserves
I’m not sure about we’re you live. But in most places you need the father signature to do a legal name change if the child is not old enough to speak or sign for themselves. It’s a very hard situation. All the best.
I wouldn’t change his name. He is old enough that he is knows his name and changing it may confuse him.
Just because you’re not with his father you want to change his name???
No. Your doing this out of anger. Leave his name.
I believe she’s actually talking about his first name, she says she doesn’t want him to be named after someone like him which usually means they have the same name. I think we all assume it’s last name but when I reread it I really think she means the first name, and if that’s the case then no don’t change it that’s just being petty and you’re looking for excuses to change it to be spiteful.
How about asking your sun what he wants? It’s his name and his life.
This is not to benefit your son, it’s a way of you getting back at the father. I would not change my child’s name.
I was with he father of my first 2 kids for 7 years. We went through a terrible break up and he never sees our children aged 7 and 5(because he chooses not to) but they are a part of him and that isn’t going to change so they kept his last name.
I would not change his name,he is still the boys father weither he chooses to be or not
Maybe come up with a nick name he can go by. And use his other name for legal stuff only.
I think its a selfish reason and is just gonna confuse him. Names arent “dress-up” toys for our mood
Then he’s going to have to show two birth certificates the rest of his life for anything important. Why bother ? That’s just your revenge speaking. If he seems to want it changed as an adult he can, but not by your choice. Start putting these kids first …you had no problems with the name til you split now it’s an issue ?
No. Just because you have ill feelings toward his dad gives you no right to change his birth name. Last name isnt as big a deal as his first name. He is little & going through enough. Leave his name as is. It’s not his fault that it didn’t work out between you two. Geeeze.
A name isnt going to change the hurt. And although I understand the anger, Ive been there, but changing a childs name after 4 yrs is just being petty. Where I live, regardless of involvement, a fathers consent is needed in a court of law to change their name.
How is this even a question? You cannot be serious???
I would do whatever feels best for you and your family in the long run. If hes gone and not part of the wee lads life then I dont see anything wrong with changing him name to reflect that absence
Don’t change it legally that will confuse him. Maybe a nickname that’s similar and goes with it? Like chuck for Charles, Bobby for Robert etc.
That is childish. He is 4 your gonna mess up your kid doing that. Just move on
Can’t change the name without his consent I’m pretty sure! But you have a lot of growing up to do! Regardless he’s that baby’s father!
Last name… sure why not
First name… no
He is 4, I can almost guarantee that his name isn’t the reason he is sad. This sounds like it’s about you. Not the kid. Leave his name alone. He has had it for 4 years now. If he want to change it when he is older than that choice will be on him.
You cant legally change his name bcuz of a breakup. The father will have to give consent to let you do it.
I’m about to change my 2yr old daughters last name to mine. Her mother and I were not together when she was born… so moms last new, 2 yrs later, and another child, and it’s just dad. And my oldest deserves my name.
No. A nick name is fine but I wouldn’t change his name.
Just cause your bitter dosent mean the child should be stuck in the middle and used as a pawn. Very petty!
Your son has said something about his last name? In the last month? Ask him if he likes his name. Doubt he cares. It has been his name for 4 years.
He is the Father and always will be.Some men dont get involved with kids until their older .Dont take his name now ,your only gonna confuse your child ,and later ,who knows.
I would not change it, your son is already used to the name he has. Maybe a nickname if you want?
I would not change his name. That’s something you want to do bc things aren’t going good right now. He may come around to the boy and he may not but you cant change the fact that’s his father. Keep it as is. You dont wont to have to explain that to a 4 year old…also how would u explain that? Point being the kid doesn’t need to know yalls issues. 
I don’t think you should change it. Even though you have broken up it doesn’t change the fact he is his father.
Fyi you can file but he has to agree or deny. Its not just cut and dry change it. In the situation now. My sons father was $29,000 behind in CS, only supervised visits which he never done and its been 11 years. Still had to get his signature of approval or an attorney
I wouldn’t. Sometimes a last name is all that the kid has to hold onto, unfortunately.
My son had his middle and last name changed when he was 11… by HIS choice. His biological father commited suicide when my son was 7. I remarried when my son was 9. He decided at 11 he wanted to change his name to his dad’s (step dad). Point being let your son decide what he wants… when he’s old enough to make that decision.
My son has no regrets in changing his name. And in less than a month he’s getting married and will give his wife his last name.
I think you need fathers permission
Seriously you’re gonna change your child’s names because y’all broke up? You sound very petty and immature and your using your child as a pawn already. He’s 4. You need to grow up.
Leave the child name and do what you gotta do for your baby.
You cant change it without him signing for it
Everyone is saying it’s petty but remember this is YOUR child and not theirs. If it is that important to you look into it, see what you need to do so.
I know several people who as soon as they were old enough to they changed their own last names to their mother’s maiden names to drop their uninvolved father’s from their lives completely. I know someone who changed her son’s first and last name at 2 because he was his father’s junior. If you think your son can handle the name change then by all means do what makes you and your son feel better. Because what matters most is your son. It’s sad that your child at that young age can use words like his father doesn’t care about him. Good luck.
A child, especially four, will personalize the change. In his mind, you changing his name would be changing a part of him, and could leave him wondering if something is wrong with him or there’s something about him you don’t like. Own his name, and make it one he can be proud of by how you parent, and how people remember HIM, not his dad.
Hes 4 and knows his name its established I think that would do more harm then good
That’s really petty of you
All yall saying she is immature and childish need to grow up. She asked for advice not criticism.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH A WOMAN WANTING THE SAME NAME AS HER CHILD. I mean she is the one who takes him to everything.
I think if the father is no let coming around and you speak with the child and unbiasedly ask if he would like to change his last name then go for it! But you may have to fight the father. Which shouldn’t be hard because he’s a deadbeat
I did with my daughter after years of trying to Foster a relationship. He never paid child support and when she was getting ready to start school I told him if he signed the papers to allow me to change her name I wouldn’t take him to court for back child support. He signed. You will require his signature and a court order just so you know. You’ll have to keep that document with his birth certificate for any legal stuff. The birth certificate will not be changed.
Don’t change his name. It’s something he wishes to do when he’s older that will be his choice.
If the father is on the birth certificate he has to ok the change as well… you can’t do it without him either.
You will need his dads permission to change his name unfortunately if he’s on the birth certificate as his dad
If your referring to the last name, does it really matter? I would leave it and wait for the child to decide if he wants to keep it or not and when he is old enough he can change it on his own. If it’s the first name give him a nickname or call him by his middle name. Honestly after 4 years it’s too much of a hassle to change it. Let the child make his own mind up about his dad. Changing a name doesn’t change the hurt the child will feel towards him. You have to leave your emotions out of it unfortunately
I would check ur state law but I believe u might need his permission…but the thing is what if u guys get back together?
He might share the name, but a name does not determine the man he will become. It may have been your ex’s name, but it is your son’s name now. Fall in love with it all over again now that it belongs to someone who will never break your heart.
You will need his permission to change it and he might fight you on that. I honestly would leave it alone yes it’s unfortunate that his son that he doesn’t care for has his name. But your baby is 4 he goes by that name already. Maybe wait till he’s older and let it be his choice?.
i think for now you should just use a nick name… and have the school use it aswell (IF its what your son wants) until he is older… and if dad is on the birth certificate he has to agree to it…
To me this reads as she wants to change the child’s first name?? At 4 i don’t think that’s a good idea tbh. His surname Yeh I understand but not his first name?
I have had my deadbeat fathers last name for 28 years until recently getting married. As much as he is a loser that’s who I am. Your son is 4 you dont know what will happen in 10 years. My father wasnt involved in my life but my grandparents were. You just never know.
Instead of legally changing it now, why not just call him by his middle name? Your son can decide when he’s old enough if he wants to change it.
While I think your exes behavior is horrible, that may change some day, and I’m sure that you want your son to have a healthy relationship with his father. By being the better person, your son will love and appreciate you for that.
Good luck.
Petty. Petty as fuck.
No , my son has his father’s name and hasn’t spoke to him in 2 years I would never change his name that is ridiculous why did u even name him after him if he wasn’t around in the first place
I personally wouldn’t change his name, maybe give him a nick name or use a middle name if it bothers you that much. But I wouldn’t change his first name
By law, the child is a minor and whether parents are married or not, he is Bio Dad so he has rights to his son as well. If you requested a name change at court, the judge may not approve or astonish you for doing that and if dad fights custody later, you could get in trouble with the court.
No matter if you change his name or not that will still be his father
Once you have full custody, no problem!!
You son is 4. He didn’t come up with those ideas on his own. How about you stop being petty and filling your sons head with bs that a 4 yr old shouldn’t even think about. No you shouldn’t change his name. That’s his name!! Get over yourself and next time think before you name a child. 
I would get professional advice about this. If his name is on the birth certificate you may have difficulties . But you can use your last name when he starts school I don’t think that’s a crime .
I would not imo opinion. I agree with the other posters that would be more confusing for him. Also I am assuming that he has never called his dad by his first name so as long as you don’t mention it then it probably is not something he will think and dwell on. If it does start to bother him I agree with other posters call him by his middle name or give him a nickname. You never know where life is gonna turn out. Good luck mom! 
I don’t know the whole situation but this feels like using the child to get back at the father and I’m not sure that’s the greatest idea.
I think changing his name would only confuse ur child more. Give it time yall have been separated only a month. And always remind him that you will always be there for him and with him. Dont tlk negative about his father with him… nor around him. Put your sons father in child support, and use that to do extra things with ur son so he wont feel the absence of his father much. Its sad to say, but your boy will eventually grow up and form his own opinion about his father. Get a lawyer and set up visitations ordered by court… document everything… if he misses his visitstions it can help you later in the future if the name changing comes up again. Dont jump the gun so fast, you dont want ur son to grow up and resent you for something u did when he wasnt old enough to make his own decision.
I changed my daughters name a few year ago through a solicitor, did need her dad’s permission, x
That is so fucking petty.
You may need to see a therapist or mental health professional. You can’t just change your FOUR YEAR OLD’s name because you feel sorry for yourself. Tell him his name is his name no matter who he was named after and he can make it his own. Be a mom, not a victim and deal with your choices and make the best out of them.
You are not helping your son here by changing his name only fuel for that’s my view from hh be
I don’t think it’s right to Change his name!
Do you mean changing his entire name? Or just his last name?
If you’re meaning last name, I’d just hyphenate it with your last name too.
But don’t change his first name. That would be so incredibly confusing for him, and for family
His first name?? I wouldn’t change his name right now and I would make sure you are very careful as to what is being said around him about what his dad is doing and whether his dad loves him or cares. Even subtle things can be picked up by kids. Not saying that’s the case here just saying after 1 month him being completely MIA and your wanting to change his name sounds kinda off.
It will have to be ok’d by the father and a judge if dads on the BC. You can’t just change it because you’re upset…
Dont change his name. Hes 4. Thats the name hes learned and answers to. Use a nickname. Look up someone famous and tell him you were named after him. Your dad just so happens to have the same name. And if hes feeling these things a name change isnt going to make them go away. Its not going to help with anything hes feeling. Its not a solution.
No! Absolutely not! No matter what, whether he’s a deadbeat or not you don’t go changing your child’s name. That’s childish and dumb. My older brother is named after my father and he was hardly ever around, he’s come around a lot now that I’m grown but not for my brother. He’s 33 and changed his name last year. Not the full name, just shortened it. That was his choice though and sounded better as well lol. But you don’t do stuff like that. You had the child with him regardless and you are gonna have to live with that. He may come around, he may change and he may not! My heart does hurt for your child, as I know that pain all too well!!! But leave his name be.
Change ur kids name bc that dad ISNT coming around? This is the most RIDICULOUS post ive seen since being a member in this group. Ur more pressed than ur child it sounds like. Grow up. Get over it. Be a mother and father if u have to…changing his name ISNT gonna bring his dad back into his life. Dad ISNT there bc dad doesnt want to be. Changing his name will do nothing but show how immature ur being…if u can even legally do that without his dad agreeing…
It’s been a month and you’re trying to make it as if he never existed. Children feed off of our energy. What are you saying around him that he feels the need to ask them questions at the age of 4. My son is 5 with a dad who is in and out but more out then in and he still carries his dads name and he LOVES it. I don’t speak bad on his father. Even if he goes a year with no contact. Changing his name is petty in my eyes.
Give him a nickname and only call him that and make sure everyone else calls him that. I wouldn’t change his name. You never know what the future holds. His dad may come around in time. I went to church with a kid that had a deadbeat dad. He was named after him but didn’t want to be called his name. He had a nickname and would only go by that. Also put your last name on his last name too. Then he can drop his dad’s last name when he wants to.
In my opinion he is to old to change his name. Just keep trying to include the dad even though it’s hard just keep trying.
This is why I would never give my child their father’s first name. If you can’t accept YOUR child’s name you shouldn’t of named him that. Unless married the mother has full rights to even last name at birth…
I have had my real father’s last name since I was born. I have zero memories of him. I’ve seen him maybe 3 times ever. It’s just my last name. No biggie for me. Leave the kid’s name alone.
If he is on the birth certificate you cant without his permission…
Give him a nickname instead and if he wants to change his name later he can do that.
Leave his name alone, give him a nickname if it bothers you that much, if your son doesn’t want his name he can change it when he is old enough himself.
If your son’s father don’t care or didn’t talk or never see your son. If you want your son’s change of surname same as your surname. My son last surname of mine. I never marry to my son’s father. Because my ex not good n hurt me a lot.
I wouldn’t change his name he knows his father as Dad not by his name. At the end of the day it would be very confusing. He was given his name when there was love
How will you explain to him when he ask don’t you like my name?
You will struggle to do this if the father is named on the birth certificate, my eldest two 12 & pushing 10 have been desperate for the past 4 years to have theirs changed as the biological ‘father’ has had nothing to do with them for the past 4 and half years. Without his signature it can’t be changed. We have tried everything. He’s even walked past them in the street with his new baby and he’s looked straight through them like they wasn’t even there. Not asked about them once in the 4.5 years he’s basically a complete waste of skin! He stopped seeing them as in his mother’s words to them when they asked was because ‘seeing your mum upsets him too much!’ that was when they was 5 & 7 they got told that. I’ve never lied to them about what kind of person he is and never will. He would only see them to start with after I left when Id be around. Some people aren’t meant to be parent. Far too selfish! Kids are and have been much better without that influence in their lives, they absolutely hate being called by his surname but it’s been sorted with school so they are ‘known as’ everything which is a legal document still has to be in their legal surname but other than they are known as my surname by their own choice. As soon as they turn 16 they are changing it legally. Only other option is mediation then courts and with it being you who’s wanting thr changes you would be faced with both sides of the costs which is a lot! Id recommend just going as the ‘known as’ though school and letting your son decide when he’s older to go though the channels available when he’s of age. He’s missing out on your son not you. Just don’t use the child to get to the other parent. All it does is cause hurt for thr innocent party.
He’s 4 and used to his name. Definitely not!
My husband and I split when I got pregnant with our oldest due to drug addiction. He had a nickname from when he was a kid and that’s what almost everyone called him, so if I was talking about him I just used his real name and my daughter was none the wiser. I understand you’re feelings are hurt and you’re bothered by this and honestly you’re soon will be 1 day too, but at this point, being as young as he is, he’s more feeding off of you’re emotions and responses to this situation. There may be a few questions here and there but as mothers that’s our job to answer them and protect them in any way we can! Different things work for different ppl so I can’t say what will work for you, but you’ll figure it out. But no, I don’t think changing a4 year olds name is appropriate. And if I understand you correctly… you’re saying you want to change his FIRST AND LAST NAME because he’s named after his dad? Don’t you think it’s going to confuse the shit out of him trying to tell him his name of 4 years is no longer his name? And he’s most likely going to ask why his name is now different so you’re just opening things up for even more of those uncomfortable questions! Fuck his dad! He doesn’t come around, that’s his loss:100: And I’m not saying that from a parent standpoint… I turned 30 this year and I still am not sure who my “biological father” is. I have an idea, but the man REFUSES to take DNA that I’m willing to pay for, so i gave up! He talks a lot of shit about me, my mother, my family… but i KNOW that especially for what my life was like and the shit i was put through and forced to deal with, I TURNED OUT TO BE PRETTY FUCKING GREAT IN THE END!
I made mistakes and wrong turns and I wasn’t always who I am today, but TODAY, which is all that really matters:100:, I am amazing! So if that POS feels better trying to put me down… Let him! Truth is I think he WISHES his “real children” would wake tf up and get their shit together the way I did:100: and I did it on my own! I am often pretty thankful he was never in my life because with the shit I went through, if he had been around, involved, informed, and still NEVER done anything to get me out of there or do anything for me, then I would have been even more messed up about it. He was going to be a shitty parent either way, so my advice is if you’ve had a child with a man whose just not ever going to be a good parent, then you as a mother has to STEP TF UP and be TWICE THE PARENT! What his name is or isn’t will have no REAL BEARING in if he turns out to be a good person or not:100: Teach him to be a REAL MAN AND FATHER because it’s pretty obvious dad won’t, smh
Its only been a month. Give it time. Why would you wanna change his name after a month. A name he’s known his whole life. Sounds childish and impatient to say the least. Give it time.
I can’t believe some of the comments that you people are leaving it’s her child the father doesn’t want to have anything to do with them why not it’s her choice. Just don’t speak down on them let his action show for themselves. It doesn’t matter if his name is Joe blow you can change it to whatever flight
if they want to be around they can be around it doesn’t matter if their name is the same if they’re not going to be around and then I’m going to be in the life and then that’s their choice it’s their loss. A child’s name does not have anything to do with it and you’re not changing his first name you changing his last name and if that parent isn’t going to be involved then why not it’s their choice why not start supporting one another instead of talking down on people so much. My oldest has his biological father’s last name yet that guy is not in his life at all his actions speak louder than words wish I never would have done it
You sound really petty. Stop letting your emotions get the best of you.
This sounds like its a YOU issue not your sons. Why would you do that to your child? Whether or not the dad comes around your childs name is the name he has always known. I hope you are careful with your words about his dad to him and around him.
Honestly, its not unheard of for men or women to work long days. Its been a month you said and he has seen him 12 hrs. What has changed for the dad? Work wise? Financially? Comfort your son and as a mom sometimes we have to make up shit to make our kids feel better. So ig he is being a deadbeat, you just reassure your son he is loved and that dad says he will see him when he has time off from work. My exhusband works his ass off and there are times he doesn’t see the kids for long and then bam he has this huge ass weekend with them because he can. When my kids questioned things I explained it to them so they didnt feel unloved. Why? Because thats my job as a parent. My job isn’t to put their dad down.
Call him by his middle name or come up with a nick name, a name doesn’t make a man, a man makes a name for himself…
You don’t change your sons name because you guys broke up! And he is a piece of shit, You grow up and give him a nick name, get a custody/ child support order and be strong and move on… When he is old enough to make the decision of a name change then it should be his.