This will cause more confusion for your son that just isn’t needed. My oldest was named after his father but we don’t think of it like that. His name is his name not his father’s name and he is his own person.
Change his name if you want to before school.
Ditch the sperm donor because he definitely is not a dad or father.
I divorced my son’s dad when he was 2 and I thought about changing his last name, but in the end, I would have needed his father’s approval so my son (who is now 15) has decided to change his name when he turns 18 due to the fact that he doesnt speak to his father and his father doesn’t try to come see him. Honestly, the choice is yours son’s when he is ready.
Sounds petty af:joy:
I hope you filed for child support
Your son’s name is his name and he is who he is. Changing it would be pointless and confusing. Lots of people share a name with less then admirable people. Please let your son know that he is his own man, regardless of who his father, or mother, might be.
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I changed all three of my kids last name to my maiden name. Their dad is in prison for 23-47 years for sexually abusing them. I have no regrets.
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I wouldn’t do it. Give it years. When your son is old enough to do it himself, let him take those steps…
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Hi u and the father broke up a month ago. Maybe he just need time to get over the break up also. As we women men also go through emotions when theres a break up. What if after a few months you make up again.
I wouldn’t change his name. Just because younand the dad aren’t together anymore and he hasn’t seen him much, doesn’t mean younchange his name. That’s his name. You’re only wanting to do it because you’re bitter.
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Nope don’t do it your pissed off right now. Relax hopefully he comes around more but remember no matter what you do to created a wall your child already knows his father and his name you will never be able to reverse that
I know it’s tempting to cut all remnants of your sons father out of his life but personally I wouldn’t do it. That’s a decision your son should make on his own when he gets older. It won’t fill any void or reduce any of the pain your son will feel having an absent father. Only a lot of love and acceptance that your son is his son is what will help him. I would try to encourage my son to be who he is as half of his father but also letting him know his dads behavior is not his fault and is not a reflection of who your son is.
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Let me decide when he is older. The name doesn’t bother him, it bothers you.
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Give it time. Don’t change it
Your taking your sons identity he has had last 4 yrs. Not really fair to change just because you broke up with his father a mth ago. Sorry but you choose this name because it was right at birth. Its your sons choice if he wishes to change ones he’s older
No - how dare you - his name is his identity you don’t have the right to change that. All it does is make kids lose a sense of self - they can choose. Whether his father a sees him or not he is four you need to stop feeding his sadness. Do the right thing and reassured him he is loved and dad is busy - that’s what a good parent does. Honesty can happen when he is an adult not when he is 4. OMG
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That’s stupid, you’re just going to confuse the boy.
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Do you really want to go and put your child through the confusion of getting a new name?
Don’t you think that will just add to the trauma
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You can’t change it without his permission anyway.
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Was this a serious question?
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Leave it the way it is. Sometime it will work out. My son wanted to change his name till I said ok let’s do it
Keep his name, regardless of your ex being immature and petty, you talk of your son being hurt , you are too, you feel betrayed, and you are justified in your anger but do not change a child’s name, he will always feel pain from his birth father, teach him to be stronger and better then his dad, not not talk bad about his dad, and maybe blame you for dismissing his father, by letting him know he has no dad is a wound he might never recover from, don’t push them apart, changing his last name can be seen by courts as neglect, you are the ex, you are angry, let your son see no differences, please let him be who he was, who he is…try not to make him choose his favorite parent…it doesn’t help, you need to be strong and love your child more then you hate your boyfriend…
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Please don’t be too mean with the mommy, she is hurting too…show support please,
No don’t change it at all. Your going to mess up your son by doing that
Just cos YOU don’t get on with his father doesn’t give you the right to change his name and identity
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If your son dislikes it, he can ask to have it changed. If he doesn’t ask, there’s no reason to change it other than your feelings, which is a selfish reason as it will likely be confusing for him to learn his name is no longer his name.
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I honestly don’t even think you can just do that even if you did decide you want to. The dad would have to be okay with it as well. And he’s like3-4 years old, he has already gotten used to his name regardless if its the same as his dad’s. You even considering going to the extreme of changing his name because his dad hasn’t seen him is childish if we’re being honest here. You should look at it as yes it’s very sad and unfortunate but it’s also his dad’s loss on missing out on his child’s life. Your son will see who is there and who isn’t as he grows…
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That’s petty,sorry. I had 2babies with my ex,he treated me like shit and I finally found the courage to leave. He didn’t put in the effort to see or talk to my girls… but do you know what I did?? I would ring him to talk to them,I would let him know he could have this girls on this day or whatnot,I would send him pics and update him on the girls,you know why??? Cos that’s THEIR dad,no matter what he did to me,they deserved the love from their dad too and I know he wanted to ring he was just assuming I would nutt out at him. And never would I change their names because that is just petty… reach out to him and see what happens,too much hate in this world,be humble,be the bigger person and dont poison your son against his dad. Broken kids become broken adults. My 2girls are now 8&6 and are currently in auckland for the holidays with their dad and his gf…
That sounds vindictive to be honest. Being just as childish as your ex isnt going to change anything BUT your child not knowing who the heck he is and its going to seriously confuse him. No, things are not going “according to plan”, but relationships change and it’s your responsibility to handle this like a woman. With grace, with maturity. Leave his name be, take care of your little one.
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That’s just spite my grandkids use the step fathers name and it’s heart breaking how will these like ever know there identity your not only hurting the father
Yeah. No. That’s his name regardless of your relationship status. I bet you’re hurt and it sucks but don’t go to that level. He’s already 4 years old and that’s his name.
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Don’t change his name. But I’d quit talking about his father. When he asks why tell him you don’t know. Don’t make excuses for him. Then tell him how much you love him. In time it will hurt less. It will always hurt in the back of your mind. And guess what, it’s his loss. He’s going to miss out on a great kid. Good luck.
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I wouldn’t dwell on it this early age there might be other kids at his school in the same situation. He will make up his mind when he is older then decide when the legal age is to change his band if he still wants too then
Don’t change his name just cause your son father wants to act the way he does and not visiting his own son it’s not about you and your ex it’s about the little boy next time you talk to your ex just remind him of that
A lot of times, guys don’t want to deal with high conflict baby mama drama so they feel they have no choice but to not see their kids. 2 sides to every story. You seem like a narcissist so I’m sure the dad is staying away from you, not his son. I feel sorry for your son.
My 2 oldest kids (now in their 20’s) have their biological dads last name. Also, my daughters first name is Koree & her biological father is Corey. So they have the same exact name just different spelling. We were together about 4 years. We were young and broke up when I was about 6 months pregnant with my second child, my son. He came around the first 2 years or so but after that disappeared & my ex husband of 20 years raised them as his own since my son was 6 weeks old & my daughter was a bit over 1 years. I did think about changing their name to my married name as my ex husband & I also have a daughter together but The name I gave them upon their birth was their identity. That’s the name they were born in to & while I hated my daughters name being the same as her biological dads that was who she was. My son recently had a son, my first grand child & I do squirm with the idea he is also carrying the last name but it is what it is. People these days with wanting to change everything about their kids all the way to their gender without letting them decide themselves down the road is sad. Leave the name alone. He’s 4 years old n by this age he should already know his name. Don’t confuse him more… instead look back at your relationship & the love you had having your son & pour positivity into the name. Your son can change it on his own one day if that’s what he wants. 
So call him by his middle name. I wouldn’t legally change anything. Going to court only can cause more harm and confusion for the child.
A child who is being separated from a parent needs as much “normal” as possible. Changing his name would probably confuse him. He’s only four. A lot of children equate their name with actual “self;” so changing his name could damage his psyche. He probably doesn’t know what your ex’s name is; a lot of children their age think their parents’ names are “Mommy” & “Daddy.” Start calling him by a nickname or his middle name slowly if you feel it’s painful for you, but don’t permanently change his name.
Do not change his name. As he gets older he will seek the truth for himself. Counseling at this point would be helpful to you and your son.
If he’s on the birth certificate you can’t do anything without his consent. I would never change my child’s name regardless of the relationship I had with his father. That would just be confusing.
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Ok, as to the name change, I don’t believe you should change his name. My son is the fifth in line. If my hubby and I split right now, he would still be the fifth( my hubby the fourth). You can’t let the name be taken over by bad vibes from dad. Your son will make the name his in time. As to the dad himself, as hard as it is, he has to burn his own bridge and your son has to see it. Been through it myself with my oldest daughter. It’s awful. And it is so hard to see your baby hurt like that, but they need to find out in their own.
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Maybe wait until after the holidays…things might change and dad might take an interest. You only broke up a month ago, give it some time. Plus you have to get dad to sign off on the name change if his name is on the birth certificate…that could be challenging.
You can’t change a child’s name at all without consent of the father. Assuming he’s on the birth certificate
There are a lot of good responses on here. You are only trying to change his name in smite to the dad. Yes, he’s being a jerk, but changing your son’s name will not stop him from being a jerk. In fact, it will make him mad and resentful. You don’t want to cause that. What you do effects your son and he’s already going through enough, why would you want to put more on him? Remember just because you’re angry at the dad doesn’t mean you should think in haste and basically telling your son, you’re not good enough and I don’t want to be reminded of your dad. Changing his name would send that message to him.
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You will most likely regret it later, when your son gets a little older,he should be the 9ne to choose when he is older,my sister did this when her children were Young ,but all four changed there names back 2 of them when they were going to get married and 2 when they were about to have children of their own.
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I wouldn’t change it. I’d tell the kid when he’s 18, he’ll be an adult and will legally be allowed to make his own choice. Some kids always love their dads, despite all the bad they do. I have a friend who was physically abused by her father growing up but still admired and loves him and is very close with him till this day. let him grow up and make his own choice if it bothers him.
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My daughter changed her sons last name. Her x husband was a deadbeat. My grandson knows his name was changed, hes 13 now and doesn’t care. Someday he might, but he has a loving family and extended family. I guess ask yourself why? If it’s for spite, or bitterness, maybe wait and settle down. The process isn’t as easy as you think, and your sons father has to agree. In my daughters case, her x wouldn’t respond to any of the court documents, which worked in her favor.
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I’m seeing this post in a few of my groups this morning. And always the same response. This is a childs name. His name. Dont punish a child by changing his name just because u and the father didnt work out. That’s not fair to the child. What if changing the name makes the child feel that his father is a bad person? Hes still has the same dna as his father and that might cause him to think something’s wrong with him. 
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Going through the same for years but its important to know where you came from. I would never change my daughters name.
I feel he’s too old to change his name and it wouldn’t make a difference in the pain your son feels. It’s not his name that is hurting him. I understand that you’re hurt and angry but that’s not the right path to take.
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My kids are grown. Their father was a POS. They never knew him. They have his last name. He also had a daughter in the next town and gave her the same first and last name as our daughter. My daughter uses her first and middle name on FB. They both wish their last name was not his.
But I do want to say I never talked bad about their father. I never wanted to make them feel bad. When asked I told them he had drug issues and I had no idea where he was and it was 100% his falt not them. The up side, my kids never got into drugs.
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Lol, it’s not going to cause your son sadness, it’s you who is sad and mad about it. Stop mixing your feelings with your kids feelings . Ughh i dislike women that uses children like this 
…
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No, it’s not a good idea. No matter if his father is being a dad, or not, he is still your son’s father and your son should have his name.
I feel like you want to do this out of spite, and that’s just wrong. You can’t change your son’s name and be done with his father, he will still have rights to his son, even if he isn’t utilizing them right now.
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Pretty sure you should give it more time, if you decide to change his name. I wouldnt though. His father is still his father, and he always will be. He has a name that hes had his whole life. Just because life didnt go the way you thought it would doesnt give you the right to make such dramatic changes. I split from my exhusband 3.5 years ago. I’d love to give my sons my re-married name, but my ex would have to agree and I dont know if I want to take away the last bit of their father from them. ::coming from a woman who had her name changed at 7::
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Sounds to me mom
Wants to change the name more out of Spite not out of concern for the kid. I also think maybe the kid is repeating things he has heard. We need to watch what we say around our children.
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I wouldn’t change his name. You’re only doing it for you not for your son. It’s a name, not a representation of who he is. Changing his name will only make things more confusing for him.
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Hi, please just take your time, and give your son a chance too to chose what he would like to do about the issue, it may not be today, or tomorrow but let your son choose how he should look at his father regardless of his enraging approach towards everything. It hurts to see a “baby” cry for his papa and still stuck on how to approach the issue. but just see how you can navigate topics on his dad… #lotsoflove
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I think you should just let that go and don’t change his name he already knows what his name is and if you change his name he’s gonna have to get used to being called something else I think you are doing this to spite the father. so don’t take it out on the child just because you feel a certain way about the dad it’ll be worse trying to get your child used to a whole new name then to let him grow up knowing he has his fathers name. Your child will know who was there for him while growing up and who was not, believe me he will have his own feelings towards his father just be there for him and don’t tell him anything bad about his dad because that’s just going to make you look like the bad person and it’s not right.
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Who changes their kids name at 4 years old. That’s awful. Even if his dad is a crappy dad it’s still his dad. If I were you I wouldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t say anything to your kid that’s bad about his dad. He will grow up and realize one day on his own.
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I wouldn’t change his name. Make him proud of his own name. You never know what the future brings. Teach him forgiveness and live, not hate.
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I have been through this but mine was a lot messier than yours.
He will have parental responsibility so you wont be able to change his name without his consent and his birth certificate will always carry his current name.
I left my very abusive volatile marriage and he wasnt the father to my two children so i done a dna test and went to court amd removed his name his name from thier birth certificate. I divorced him, i went to court to revoke his parental responsibility and then i changed their names to my maiden name. I done all this on my own without a solicitor saving about £30k… I done all of this with their permission. Im now remarried and i didnt change their name to my new husbands, i double barrelled mine to link my husband and my children x
I wouldn’t change his name. Instead of telling him it’s his dad’s name and making his dad out to be awful, celebrate your son in telling him it’s HIS name and he chooses what he will make of it. Have you talled with dad? Reached out respectfully even of he is not respectful back? Keep reaching out in a respectful way every so often and encourage his dad. And remember, there’s nothing wrong with letting him have love for the man you no longer have love for. Even if he’s not around. Find a male mentor for him at church, or through sports or somewhere in the community.
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I dont think you should do permanent things your son to young to understand my son 14 for past 4 years he asked to have my husbands name we told him that he has to understand that his name was given a birth and if he still wants it as an adult he can and we will help him do it!!! but your son little his dad may pull his head out and then what?
Try to be positive. There’s a chance that dad will straighten up his act eventually and if you build a wall between dad and child it’s really the child that suffers. As hard as it will be just try to love your child through it and explain that his dad’s lack of interest isn’t his fault.
Only if he wants to change it.
no do not change it that will make your ex become more estranged from him ,my son did not have a close relationship with his father and he is now 42 and still has his name.
Leave the name alone. Don’t confuse what’s already a confusing situation to your kid, no less, anymore then it already is.
You would probably have to have to get permission from the Dad even if he is a scum bag and could cause more problem and hurt feeling in the long run is he the father paying child support ??
Dont change his name. If something happens to his father he is entitled as next of kin. You never know speaking from experience
Ask your son what HE wants. It’s not up to anyone but him. Let him figure out his own identity.
No, broken up or not he is still the father. BUT later on when he gets older he can choose to change it. My son did change his name after he turned 18.
Its too bad to change the name - it will confuse the child maybe when older if the child wants to do it -
I got my kids into counseling and my self as well to help cope threw a really ugly divorce.
But it doesn’t change the fact that he is his dad just maybe having his dad name may change his dad.
I wouldn’t ask anyone, I would just do it. Sorry your going through this hugs to you and your son
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Who cares if it’s the grand dad’s name…its ur son’s name now…we are not simply a name.
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I’d keep his name as is.
No. Just no. It’s just a name. It’s not an huge deal.
1 month 
omfg way too soon.
He’s old enough to know his name so no
He’s 4 and you want to change his name??? Absolutely not!!!
NO! DO NOT CHANGE NAME!! When YOUR son get’s of age::: THEN IF HE WISHES he can change his name!!
I wouldn’t change his name.
I wouldn’t change it.
Thats up to your son
No! Leave the kids name alone.
I had no relationship with my biological Dad before he died when I was 4 years old. I am 43 now and every single time I look in a mirror, I see my father’s eyes. And every single day I feel that he did not love me. If not his name, there will be something else that will remind him of his Dad. My suggestion for you as a child who was in a similar situation who has grown up and as my experience as a social worker is for you to help him make peace with all of this burden. He may need to go to a counselor. I have been to counseling from feeling abandoned…as a child and adult. Hopefully your son will grow up to accept that his Dad has not made him a priority in life and he will use that to ensure that he has positive relationships with everyone else in his life. Trying to run from our misfortunes by changing names or by ignoring the “elephant in the room” will not help him heal and be healthy emotionally. Encouraging him through yourself (and maybe counseling when he is old enough) will help him make his name about him—not his deadbeat Dad. I hope he focuses on himself and he has such a great future ahead of him. Your son’s legacy does not have to be like his father’s rotten legacy. In my book, there is not much that is worse than a parent who does not love, visit, and pay for their children. Not seeing your child (no matter what the other parent has done to you because that does not matter in your relationship with your child) and not buying food, medication, supplies, and spending time with your child makes that person horrible. Your son’s legacy does not have to be like his father’s rotten legacy and I encourage you to foster that with making him not correlate his name with his rotten Dad.
You sound like a very selfish woman. That boy has 2 parents, just cause u and his dad didn’t work out dont mean you can change his name. He knows his name cause you have been calling him that aince birth. Grow up and let your son be. He will form his own opinions about his father as he grows.
No I wouldn’t change his name…