My son's father is in jail and wants our son when he gets out: Advice?

Why don’t you consult a lawyer or have a judge decide. Which you will need anyway for child support and visitation.

I would tell him that he has to visit with you present so that your son gets use to him. Make him come meet you either at your home or a place that you pick. He can do the work to show he really wants to spend that alone time. Make him see that he needs to get the baby comfortable with him first otherwise that’s just going to be traumatic for him since he don’t know his dad. Also if you are breastfeeding I wouldn’t recommend the child going for that long anyways without you that’s silly.

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Noooo. You cant take the risk. Arrange only supervised visits. If you are frightened of him get out of the area before hes let out.

FaceTime, zoom, fb video. He can see and hear him and your boy can be in his comfy safe place at home, even playing with his toys while he and his dad talk and interact and get more comfortable with each other. His dad will also be able to see what toys he likes or tv shows, things he can use to bond and develop a relationship.

Absolutely not!! If he was any type of parent he never would have been in jail in the first place… go to court for supervised visits…best of luck

You need a family services lawyer…
Courts frown on a parent with a jail record wanting custody or unsupervised visits…not even an overnight visit…

My dauggter didn’t meet her father till she was 5 and I refused to allow her to be alone with him so set up mediation and said he can have supervised visits with me. We took her out and did things then he went home eventually I after a year or so maybe more I allowed him to have her for the day without me. She hated going there the night as she was afraid to be away from me so that didn’t last long but now he doesn’t see her at all (not cut out for parenthood) and she doesn’t even care shes now 8. My advice to you is work into it slowly tell him she needs to get to know him first before he just takes her its not fair to cause her that kind of stress if he cares he will listen if he doesn’t get yourself a lawyer and tell him then you will let the courts decide

I would laugh right in his face!! Helllll no!! Take me to court! You gotta work up to “months”. That poor baby would be so lost without his mama.

No way should u ever let him have your baby alone go and get a order were it states he has to be supervised while with the baby as the baby doesn’t no him and he doesn’t no the baby no way can he just walk into the baby’s life and just take him wen he doesn’t no nothing about his needs or who he really is come on who does this man think he is dad or not you can’t just demand to take a baby soon as he gets released crazy thinking if u ask me :woman_shrugging:

That will not work,he’s a baby and doesn’t know him… he’ll cry and won’t stop and dad won’t Kno what to do…he has to spend the with y’all to get to know him…baby’s safety first…too many babies being lost for dumb reasons…

If he lives 7 hours away, there is no way. Even if you video chat, you never see the real atmosphere in the house. I wouldn’t do it…7 hours away and he doesn’t even know him? NOPE.

Let dad be dad and dont be bitter! Kids need their dad just as much as mom. No courts needed for dad and kid to bond.

As long as your the stable parent and nothing hanging over your head the judge will never hand over a baby to a criminal straight out of jail when the child has a stable parent who has been raising him from
Day 1.

Heck no. Let him have supervised visits to start so your son can acclimate first. Then maybe move up to a weekend or something. Depending on his offense and the fact he is considered a felon I’d have a guard up to protect your son.

what was he in jail for? If it was any type of abuse … it’s a hard no. Not ever.

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No way! That’s too far. Let him come to you in a park or somewhere neutral but do not let him take him alone.

Your son will miss you I could never do that to my baby. Not trying to be that person but is that really something you need to question? He can come visit and get to know him he wouldn’t even know what to do at all

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he wants to see him then he needs to go where you are get a hotel meet up in public no over nights for awhile till your son is comfortable and all dont be taking him 7 hours and all he can make the effort to come to you guys

You need a brain if you don’t know not to do this.

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Well my first question is why was he in jail? If it has anything to do with harming a child, then he should not be allowed to see him at all… But if it was for something unrelated, then you guys will have to work something out where he lives closer to you. Or supervised court visits Where a social worker or someone appointed by the court is with them whenever they are together

Supervised 2 hour visits that he pays for…and travels to at his expense

Visits at home or a neutral place like a park or even going for a walk. Slowly introduce each other. Then see how it goes from there. After you see that they’re both comfortable with each other start with small daily solo trips. Then move forward from that.

Most time people in jail will fixate on what they think will keep them on the straight and narrow…if he has to pay for his visits he’ll give up.

A lot of guys in jail have grand plans for when they get out. The reality when they do finally get out, things change real quick. Get a lawyer, make a plan dont stress…

You need a lawyer that has common sense.
1- it’s a NEW BABY and a delicate life
2- what was he in for
3- is he capable
4- it’s not healthy for a child of any age to be away from their main caregiver that long, it’s not normal even in custody situations where the dad is an amazing person with no criminal record
5- can he even financially support or home a child?

So many things to consider, but starting with a good lawyer would be best.

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What kindve charges did he have I guess meaning what kinda person is his dad?

Get legal advice before allowing this to happen

Go to court and get a custody order. Before he’s out.

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Is he having a laugh? Absolutely no way!

Why are you even thinking about it? A mother’s instinct is always right…

I would take it real slow some visited all togeter first n then small vista close to u n see how it works out

Does your son talk to him over the phone?

Never ever agree to a few months he can say you gave him the kid. Besides who willingly wants to send their child away for a few months! :woman_facepalming: always have custody agreement in place before sending the child off. If he’s on birth certificate he has just as much rights to the child as you. (Learned hard way). Let a judge make a visitation schedule in Texas idk about other states.

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Most of these post are great advice. You can ask for fee wavers at the court house to help you with some of the fees. Def. Start with the court, get a guardian at litem a person that will go to both homes and speak for your child. 7 hours away is too far. Your child is a baby. Try n get the father to move closer, make that a stipulation., get the court to set up child support. One thing I learned when I went through something like this, always have someone with you during meetings with the father, write everything down, I mean everything… phone calls. Write time and what was talked about… if he sends or gives you money make sure it’s a check or money order n photo copy it. If he gives u anythig for baby write it down. Save all letters he sends to you. If you write back to him, I would photo copy anything that you say to him regarding your child. Supervised visits to start with even if it’s with your parents, sibling or a trusted friend or dhhs until u feel comfortable otherwise. Don’t let him take him out of state without something in writing saying where child will be and when will be returned. It’s ALOT iv been through it n almost lost my son. You didn’t say why he’s in jail, or much else about the dad. Is he on take this to court b4 he does. While he’s in jail if u can, you know where to have him served this way. Is he on the birth certificate, cause if he is than he has the same rights as you right now with out court papers. My ex took my son for a long weekend In the same state, 2.5 hrs away, his friend let me know that on Monday am he was going to the court to get papers to keep him. I made it there 30 min b4 him. If he’d gotten there first I would have lost my son. Sorry I keep adding. You also want sole rights. Make sure it says the Chile lives with you. You can go to court n revise visit orders, you protect your baby. My ex was a good dad but he tried to be sneaky n steal him. It was his best friend that called me because he didn’t think what he was doing was right.

No way! As a previous Casa, no way.

First of all praise that man for getting out and actually wanting to step up and be in his child’s life. Secondly I would suggest supervised visitation with either yourself of a family member of your choosing! He, just like yourself has a right to see his child. Clearly him not being apart of his life thus far isn’t doing anyone any justice, but if you aren’t comfortable allowing the child alone find a way to make it so you aren’t telling him no, this child deserves a father as well, for both their sakes it’s best to try something so they can bond, maybe have him come to your place every other weekend for the weekend so they can spend time together in the comfort of your own supervision and your own place.

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But a few months is too long. Have dad come stay with you guys for a weekend at a time every now and then.

Hell no!! He can come to you for supervised visitation.

No no no after 30 days he can file for custody in his state. Even if u have full custody. No no no

Definitely contact legal experts to arrange supervised visitation.

As a retired family law attorney- you need a lawyer

Start with video chat to get to know him. Then let him visit at your house. Then take it from there.

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Lawyer is my best advice!!!

Go to courts. He has to di supervised and he has to show effort

Nope…do not do that. I wouldn’t trust him to take him

As a mother, Why are you even questioning this. That’s a hard NO.

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Listen to your second sentence, you’re not comfortable. Stick with your gut

Supervised visits for an hr or 2 at a time

Get an attorney…NOW!
Been there…done that.

I would definitely let his Probation officer in on it

Facetime till he’s older

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Wow,sooo you went through your whole pregnancy,birth and having your son on your own because he made bad choices and sitting in jail the whole time,now he thinks because hes being released he deserves to just take him for a few months??Wtf is wrong with these parents?This shows immaturity on both sides.DO NOT allow your child to go with him.And inquiring minds would like to know why he was in jail as that can also play a factor for being around your baby too.

Supervisored visit! An court orders. I hope all goes well for you.

Id just keep dad out of his life

Depends on what he was in jail for

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the hell kind of question is this?? this shit is common sense.

Hell No. Visit with Supervision in a public place like a park. Don’t trust anyone with your child. :100::100::100::100:

Yeah run for the hills

FaceTime also might get him used to him

Monthly weekend/long weekend trips and FaceTime

Noo get arranged visits that sound dangerous

Is this a serious question?!?! :crazy_face::ok_hand:t3:

Start with a video call and see how it goes

My husband lives 10 hours away. I take our daughter to see him and we spend as long as possible together every six months or so. Please for your child’s sake do what you can. Stay with family or see if you can go halves on a hotel for a few weeks at a time if possible. The bond with both parents is equally important.

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Contact an attorney and set up supervise meetings

going to want a piece of ass

These comments MAKE ME SICK!!!

Get web cam n laptop talk him on skype

VIDEO CALLS , thats it !!

Giving dad the benefit of the doubt, that he can become a great father… I would strongly recommend that you contact an attorney NOW and file for full custody and slowly work in the FAIR way for your child to bond with dad. starting with caution and supervised visits with social worker.

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He’s a baby. He shouldn’t go to be with dad for a few months, let alone more than a few days at a time at this age, even in the best of circumstances. I can see one or two weekends a month he drives to you to see him for a few hours with you there or supervised visitation and built up trust to have weekend sleepovers when he’s closer to 18 months. But yes, get it all documented and mandated in court along with child support.

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Go to court now and get full legal custody. When he gets out of jail, don’t let him go. If father still wants to be around let him file for visitation and fight for it to be supervised by the state.

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Dad has just as much right to have the baby like u do. With that being said I would go file for custody because if u let him have the baby and he decides not to give him back he can legally do so.

I think it’s important that dad be in his life. Just because he went to jail doesn’t make him a bad parent. Give him the chance to prove himself but make sure u have ur legal situation in order.

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Check with an attorney about state laws. We’re you married at the time of birth? If not what does the state laws say about paternity. Is he on the birth certificate? What does the state laws say about establishing paternity. Some states say paternity to unwed parents is not established until a court establishing that. So that could mean going to court to establish it. Or it could mean you have 100% custody. Check with an attorney. Know your rights. Dads have a right to know their kids. Kids have a right to know their dads. The question because how to do that in a way that is least traumatic for the child. Supervised visitation? Supervised by you? Supervised by someone you trust? An hour? A day? A weekend? Think about your options. What are the safety concerns. Is it he is a stranger to tour son? Or is there something more? Violence? Chronic substance misuse? Best of luck to you.

Act now I agree before you regret it , you don’t know what kind of parent he’ll be. My sons Dad wasn’t patient until 3 yrs old and still has so much to learn. Her dads side puts her in danger all the time. He’s not in jail never was but isn’t the most patient parent so see you never know.

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I wouldn’t send him alone right away. He’s be scared and miss his mom for sure, go together and if ur son is comfortable and the situation is safe and u feel like ur son will be safe then let him stay a night or two as ur son seems comfortable but too much at once can traumatizes him . Better to take it slow and play it safe! Plus u want to be sure ur not putting him in danger if ur bd been gone 9 months who know what’s going on over at his place, or who will be around him

No hell no! Especially with being in jail! Sort out full custody. He can request visitation rights. That way he cannot see baby without you being present

Best bet is to go to court and set up visitation. My sister in law let her son visit his dad in another state. He kept him, filed for custody and got it.

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I would allow the dad to come to your house and spend time. Otherwise nothing else. If you file in court, chances are likely dad will get a short step up plan (depending on the criminal background) and you will be handing over your baby for overnights sooner then you think. Let him file for custodial time (which he probably won’t) and wait it out. Just never let that baby out of your sight because possession is key.

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Babies don’t leave mom for over night visits. You’ll need to face time or zoom chat until he builds a relationship. Dad will need to come out for visits. If you were not married and you send baby he legally doesn’t have to return him and you’ll have to fight back in court. He needs supervised visits for 2 reasons. One, does he know how to care for baby, and two, there’s no relationship yet. No court will make you send your baby away when there’s no relationship and because of age

Yes I agree Supervised visits and not by a family member! They have places you can take him drop him off and they take notes watch the interaction to see how it goes. Here it’s called kids at heart tri-cities Wa

I would go to court and get full custody and then the father could go after supervised visitation. Do not hand your baby over without a court order because then the father doesn’t legally have to give your baby back to you. I had the same question about letting my ex have visitation with my oldest and that is what a couple attorney’s told me.

Your ex is hilarious. Nope, I would file full custody and probably ask for supervised visita in your area. If he wants to really see him he can make the effort. Plus hes not even a year that is insane he would expect him really for even maybe an overnight depending on you state and courts. Would it also be considered emotionally traumatic to all of sudden rip your child away from everything he has know and send hin far away with someone he doesn’t know. Also I would be scared he wouldnt return him at all of you just let him take him.

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What is he in jail for ? I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it either. And certainly not 7 hours away from me. You want to see home come to me and we can all visit

Definitely make dad prove he truly wants in his life by sitting up supervised visits first and go from there

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Go to court and get full legal custody. Shouldn’t be hard since Dad has been in jail the whole time.

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In indiana the visitation guidelines dont stress overnight visits until age 3. And that’s only for a weekend. Joyce Wilkins has the right advice. Go file for full custody.

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First you need to have custody issue resolved now. In which you have full legal and residential custody of your son. He can file for visitation once he gets out. Do not send your son anywhere without a court order. If he “borrows” your son for a few months you may never see your son again especially 7 hours away from you. The father can get supervised visitation in the area you live.

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Honestly video calls phone calls and letters. Dad can visit when possible and if you’re ok with it even letting him stay with you during the visit could help not only with them bonding but you trusting him. But definitely do not start with a couple of months several hours away

id do supervised visits. Also dependable of why hes in jail and what he did :face_with_monocle:

Go to court and order supervised visits

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FaceTime or Video chat using an app you both can download. Then maybe have him come to your area for the weekend or something like that & you meet up with him so he can spend some time with your son, I personally wouldn’t leave him alone with his dad just yet. It’s got to be what is best, safe, and what makes your son the most comfortable.

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Court ordered supervised visits in your home to start. You didnt mention age of your son and if he doesnt know him they won’t make him go with him yet

You definitely need to fuel for full custody while he’s still in jail… if custody is not established… he can take the baby and you can’t do anything

Start the legal process now or you will lose it!!! Don’t take chances if you love your son the courts will work against you if your not pro active!!!

Your best bet is to go to court and set up the visitations.

Is he not required to stay in a halfway house before full release??? That’s how they do it in TX so I’m not sure if other states. But under NO circumstances would I allow that. Get your legal matters in order before his release. Why are you even questioning this?

Reintroduction visits IN YOUR PRESENCE. Most state laws follow this model in these situations.

Don’t let him go anywhere without court order first.

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Get a lawyer and educate yourself on the situation