Wow, some of you women ruling in this mums favour, despite seeing the fact that the father is for one entitled to have a 50% say.
That is toxic. Fathers also have just as much say and right as the mothers…
They’re parents too.
She is most definitely in the wrong for wanting to up end both hers and the fathers sons life and take him away from his father.
This little boy is living his life between a rock and a hard place.
Did it ever click to you, to maybe ask your son what he wants?
Maybe he wants to live with his dad.
Maybe he doesn’t want to move away with you and your wife.
Did you ever think about that???
This poor father is fighting to hold on to what is most important to him and that being his son…
Good on him for saying no… I too would say no.
He is active in his sons life, he loves and cares etc for him.
What if the shoe was on the other foot? Would you allow the father to move away etc with him?
He can’t yell you not to leave nowhere with child or not
Go to court let judge decide. Not bunch randoms on fb at least a judge sees both sides facts etc
She has the child more days then the father. Sounds like the father just has access. Why should this lady have to live in a area that isn’t for her. This world is a big place,
So many things to consider here. Not to mention what the child wants and what they think about moving away from father.
I wouldn’t say wanting to take someone’s kids away is kind hearted
Depending on what state you live in, if you leave the state with the child and the father goes to court stating that you left the state, you can get into trouble with the courts. When a child is born, the parents automatically have shared custody until stated differently by the courts. I would file it with the courts, just to be on the safe side.
Sorry but its his choice too, it’s not fair, even with co parenting, you’re taking his child away you’re asking him to nake sacrifices for your relationship with your partner.
Just because you’re mum doesnt give you any extra rights, I’d say no too 
Nothing wrong with taking him to court, however, how would you feel if he decided he wanted to take your son and live in another state to be with his partner? Would you be willing to move and uproot your life for him and his partner if he offered to help pay while you get settled? Flip this scenario and put yourself in dads shoes.
That was a lot of MY son and not our son so its kinda hard to believe that kind hearted bit. Unfortunately you have to be selfless after having kids. If you are wanting to take him from his dad cause of a situation you knew full well about prior to getting into ( marrying a military member) it kinda does sound like your the one being petty and selfish.
Unless y’all have a court order, you can go/move wherever you want. IF there is a court order then you will have to have courts send him a letter than he has to respond to. He has 30 days to respond or else you can move. He can either respond yes or no. If he says no, you can’t move.
Fathers have just as much right as mothers. Yes he has a say in this. If its that big og an issue, go to court. But imagine the roles were reversed. Then tell yourself he is over reacting.
You say you want to be fair and equal but you want to take your son away from his father?
I wonder if he wanted to take your son and live in another state if you woukd say yes?
Think about that.
Because if you dont see the drama why don’t UOU move and leave your son with his dad.
Half the ppl I know: " I really could have been something, I think, if I had just one parent believe in me or if my dad had been allowed to be around."
Other half: “it’s your kid you can take him where you want, it won’t have a long term effect at all”…
Having both parents IS what’s best for your son.
Hes just as important as you
its your wife, petition the courts…
What state are you in. Read the laws go to court.
I am going to be the first person who is going to say this out loud. We are all afraid of reprocussion.
Skype is not enough, phone call isn’t enough, there is literally nothing that can fill that void. That hell of having your kid taken by someone who refuses to share custody. you are not a hero or a great mum if you would force that on anyone just for convenience. Sure if they were a bad parent or person it makes sense.
It’s different in every state. Your only safe bet is to get a lawyer and go to court, since it doesn’t sound like there are papers set in stone. But from a personal opinion, that child didn’t ask to be here. You made the decision to lay with that man and bring him into this world. Now YOU have to make sacrifices for him because he is unable to do so. He is a child. Seeing he spends 3 days a week with him, that is not him “not helping you.” That is way more than most father’s get, which is every other weekend. That is almost 50/50, which in my opinion is best for children if both parents are providing. Child support and every other weekend is a crock of shit. Regardless, you knew you had a child when you married into the military life. That was your fault. Don’t make your child suffer for your mistakes. Taking him from his father whom he is clearly used to being he’s with him so much, would be a mistake. That’s just asking for resentment later in life.
You want to take a child from one parent to make urself happy?
Smh…! You don’t need advice… you need to look urself in the mirror and remind urself once U had this baby it wasn’t about YOU’RE needs anymore.
Your willing to seperate a father and son relationship because YOU chose to remarry…? what if the father decided to tell you he wanted to move and take the boy and give him a better life elsewhere because that’s what his always wanted?
You don’t get support from him financially because you parent 50/50 time.
Unfortunately, it’s his decision aswell. He deserves the right to see his child. You can try to go to court, but I’m doubtful you’d win
I don’t blame him. Your asking him to walk away from his son with a couple “visits” through the year. If you want to move leave your son with his father. He has just as much right to see him as you do. Should have thought of this before you got pregnant. Either your wife needs to leave the service or you need to deal with it until your child is 18. Your lucky you have a father who actually loves and want’s to be there for his son.
Go to the courts. Get move away military permission and a strict custody arrangement. This isnt his choice alone. If you cant come to an understanding then the courts will. Use that resource.
The judge could rule in the fathers favor and tell you the child shall remain in the residing state with the father and mom can visit. It has been done before
I think it would really depend on how far away you’d really be moving. I mean you can move states and still be within 15 mins from his dad. But if you move farther than 2 hours away then I think that’s a little much, considering you’d have to be traveling back and forth for visitation drop offs and pick ups. He’s probably pissed that he got left for a girl… Dudes hate that shit 
As somebody whose husband went through this, I can tell you what happened with my husband’s daughter. When she was little, her mother wanted to move to California and remarry somebody in the military. My husband did not want them to leave so he took her to court but unfortunately, the judge found in her favor and allowed her to take my husband’s daughter out of state. She lived in California for about 10 years and just moved back a few years ago. So yes, there will have to be a court order in place and most likely the judge will side with the mother, unless there’s a valid reason not to. Just my experience.
Jesus Christ. If you want a better life then you have GOT to start making better decisions.
Starting with don’t take the kid away from the man YOU chose to be his father.
Take it to court. 🤷 Your happiness is just as important as everyone else’s. Just because you go to court though doesn’t mean they will let you take your son out of state and away from his dad, but it’s worth a shot if it’s something you really want to do.
He has as much rights to his child as you do. If you take him out of state, he won’t get to see his son. He has every right to deny your taking him.
there is no difference in you leaving the state and taking the child and you leaving your child, if one has to do without the child why not you , its as much his as yours
You can go ahead and take him to court if you want, but I doubt it will help. They will just tell you to stop being selfish. Your child’s best interest is to have two loving parents in his life. Youre wanting to remove one of those parents from his life, for nothing other than your selfish desire to be closer to his step parent. Courts are not going to take your side on this.
I live in Wisconsin and if you’ve never been married to the father and do not have a court custody order. The father has no rights until he takes you to court to obtain them. So you could move and he could do nothing about it… call and find out the laws in your state.
It is right too do what’s best for your child
Tons of parents move out of states for different reasons and kids survive. If you’re legally married then I’d bet no judge would say you can’t live with your wife, regardless of daddy’s objections. What I have seen is a judge wanting a DNA test, then child support and a parenting plan. My guess would be, it’s in a judges hands if Daddy is objecting.
Take him to court … a judge will grant you permission since your wife is in the service… you will just have to agree on visits with his dad and in some cases pay to have it happen out of your pocket , and he cant do anything about it at that point
How would you have equal time to f you live in separate states? Are you gonna pay for 4 flights a week to drop him off/pick him up when it’s dads three days? Do you expect him to? No one could afford that. As far as you wanting him to give up his home, job, family, and friends to live in a new state having to find a new job, place to live, and friends, are you kidding me? If a male asked a female to do that, people would be screaming run, that’s abuse, he’s trying to control you; but it’s ok when a female asks that? 
Either stay where you are and continue splitting custody 50/50, or give full custody to the father and you do visitations. Take a child away from a loving parent is a incredibly selfish thing to do and it’s not fair to the child.
He has rights as well it seems like the move is all about you, you have to consider his feelings as well. Would you be okay if he wanted to do the same thing
just an opinion
We sacrifice our wants and needs as parents every day and usually forever. We do this bc it’s what is best for our kids. It sounds like your son has a great relationship with his dad, and having TWO parents who love and care for you on a consistent basis cannot be underestimated. My daughter has never met her father, and it is hard for her (and will probably get harder). I would be so grateful to have her father want to be as much a part of her life as I am. I detest him, but I believe having him in her life would only benefit her. Please don’t take that for granted (not saying you are). They are children for a very short amount of time and the more people around to love them the better. I would ask yourself two questions; what is best for your child, and how would your child and yourself be affected if you were the one living away? Wish you the best!
He pays no child support. Take him to court. Get permission to move.
If you share custody then moving out of state would be kidnapping or something like that. Dont be rude and wait till the kids old enough to see what they decide.
If he’s a good Dad and you want to move, let your child stay with him and go be with your wife. Because from what I am understanding, he is taking the child half the time as it stands. If you are sitting there saying no way in hell am I giving up my kid, then realize that is what your ex is saying. He wants that bond and to make sure his child is in the best situation and taking the child far away, he will have no idea about the child’s life except what he is being told by you. You really should see that. It’s understandable if you want to go to be with your wife. If you have any idea when her service will return you to the area, get a court order saying when you return the child shall return to your custody as you cannot afford to maintain 2 residences at this time.
Is friend of court involved? If not just go, if he doesn’t have money to file the fees to take you to court over it then I wouldn’t worry…after you move and get settled then worry about when he can see him
Sounds like that man should have some say so as well he wants to be near his son he sounds like a good father
Are you serious? It sounds like you are very selfish. You aren’t thinking about what’s best for your child if you want to take him away from his father when you both have basically equal custody. The father has every right to not want you to take his son away. You had a child and this childs life comes before yours. Your post is absolutely stupid.
And hopefully if you did end up going to court, they agree on same sex marriage the judge can be a total asshole just for that reason
I see a bunch of judge judys in here! Don’t waste your time here, we don’t know specifics nor do we need to know. Consult with an attorney in your state. Know the guidelines and obey your custody order(if you have one) until you can see about a revision.
Gonna have to get a lawyer and go to court for a judge or mediator to hash out an agreement.
Doesnt matter if he doesn’t pay child support
U cannot withhold parenting rights
U want to move u still can. But judges usually side with keeping son in the state they r born in and going to school in to not uproot their life
U dont have any family other than ur wife in new state so that not helping ur case
If u move while theres already a court case that’s kidnapping . So dont.
Ur gonna have to decide for neither parent to pay child support and so use that expenses for traveling to pick child up
I think u need to decide to stay for ur child
Or begin ur life with ur wife
U chose this the father gets custody and most of parenting time and u will pay child support…u probably will get summer and winter break with ur son.
How r u going to prove a better life for ur son by moving?
Does his day spend anytime with his son? If not…u have a good case and will win.
U didnt make this part clear and it will give u the answer of winning or losing in court
Also court take bout 3-6 months
Maybe a yr to figure out
U need to chose
I wouldn’t say you’re wrong to take him to court, but I also will add that he isn’t being selfish and has every right to be upset over you moving his child away. He could possibly only see his child a few times a year. Imagine if tables were turned. I would try to be a little more understanding.
He matters too. You marry so he should have to move or loose his son being close? Smh. Some of you woman. If he has him half the time why on earth do you deserve a dime of his money? Just wow
Selfish , yeah you are it’s his child too, what would you do if tables were turned ?
They pretty much have the baby 50/50…she might need to make a choice
It’s his child to. So of course be has a say. He has his child half the time. He doesn’t want to be without him. How would you feel to leave him with dad and just you leave? It’s about what’s best for the child so that would be to have both parents around all the time. Should have thought about that before.
If it’s for a better life move. After my divorce (Florida) the court agreement states 30 days notice must be given prior to moving. I dont need his permission. Custody agreement can always be altered, no way in hell is a judge going to tell a parent they cant move for a better life
You are manipulative and selfish. You have a dad that WANTS to be in his son’s like and all that matters is what you want. What if the shoe we’re on the other foot and he got married and wanted to take the child out of state you know you’d say no. A child having both parents in their lives is more important than you living with your wife. You should have thought of that before her
Some dont see that he fighing for him too
Will you leave your son in the custody of the father and move leaving him behind knowing you can visit and have him here and there along with video chat? Then why the hell do you think it’s ok to ask him to do it? You have a child…the father is very involved…go to court and ask the judge but you may not like the answer.
I wouldn’t listen to advice from here. Don’t know every aspect of the situation, but if you have offered with him to stay with you…you made it sound like he wasn’t on his feet… Then take it to court. You seem like you have exhausted all options and discussed co-parenting to no end.
Baby should stay In the state you had him in. Wasnt that the orginal plan. That’s horrible. Any parent would be choked with their child leaving
Ever see that movie liar liar
How is it okay to expect that man to just uproot himself for your own betterment? You can’t expect anyone to just drop everything and do what you want them to just to benefit yourself. That’s selfish alone. Leave your son with his dad and cut your time shorter. If you aren’t okay with that, you need to rethink your options.
If he is as involved in the child’s life as you say then I 100% feel like you shouldn’t leave unless you have some type of agreement. I personally don’t see the point in going to court. Even if you did get the judge to let you take the child, you’d only be starting worse problems with the father as he will obviously be very angry and hurt. The child will also be sad by having to leave their father. The father shouldn’t have to move just because you want to and with that being said if your wife is in the military chances are you’ll be moving every few years. Do you really expect the father to do that also? I feel like it would only be making life hard on the father because he will also have to keep finding new places to work. Long distance sucks but you made this commitment with your ex in raising a child before you married your wife 
You can go to court and have the judge decide…
Those three days a week keeps him up to date with your son it’s a lot of team work to make your son’s dreams work. Maybe see if dad can take him like a week or so you can go visit your wife for an extended time every three or four months.
Ladies. She is ASKING FOR Advice!!! - on ways she can make this work for everyone! HOW IS SHE SELFISH???
Whoever runs this group is letting these hate filled comments some being people that are raging sayings she’s selfish and bad mom. You guys are to much.
Dad has rightstoo. He deserves to be in that child’s life just as much as you do. He’s been there for that child it seem too being 4 days/3 day schedule. You also knew what you were signing up for when you married someone who lived out of state and in the military. Most judges will not grant you to move states either with custody issues. Sounds like you need to find a lawyer and go from there.
You know they could end up giving him full custody if y’all do end up in court it could go either way tbh
Wow! You keep saying that he wont allow you to leave but really you can leave just without your son. It’s not the dad’s problem that you got married to someone who has to move around alot. Your child’s dad wants to be in his son’s life let him!
I’m assuming there isn’t a custody order in place since he’s not paying support but you can’t take it
To court. Depending on what state your in you might get ruled in your favor. But you better have a reason why it will better the life of your son.
Okay So I actually read this post and I do not think you are wrong. You are saying you WILL NOT keep him from his dad. You have every right to want to move to be with your wife. You can still do 50/50 custody and just have a different schedule. He does not have any right to basically “hold you hostage” in your state. Take it to court explain your side and explain what you want and are thinking. All these ladies are only thinking about him and not you. You never said move and he might see him for christmas and during the summer.
If there’s no court order, you can just leave…no one has custody of a child until someone files…
Why would you want to take him away from his father? Unless the other parent is a danger to the child there should be shared parenting time. 50/50. Women seem to think that just because they birthed the baby that they should get to do what they want. If you truly want what’s best for your son you will stop trying to interfere with his father’s parenting schedule. If you want to move out of state then your sons father should get full custody and you go without the child.
Taking him out of state for new residency without an agreement and against dad’s wishes could result in bad situations for you in court with a judge. Even if there is no court order right now, they could use that as a deciding factor in the ruling. I would speak to a lawyer to see what your rights/routes are and the best way to go about it through the legal system.
Child has a very involved father. Why take that from your child? I think it would be selfish af to move from an involved father. Count your blessings theres deadbeat dads who aren’t involved everywhere. Stay put so your child can have a relationship with both parents or give child to father since you’re the one wanting to move and change everyones life.
Did he sign the birth certificate, if he hasnt its up to you. Organise week abouts, holidays, make him part of it.
That’s his kid too and the fact that he has him 3 days a week. Would you be ok with it if he were leaving state?
If you were thinking of what’s “best” for your son, you wouldn’t be taking him away from his father who clearly wants to be in his sons life. And who’s to say that your sons father wants to pick up and leave his whole life where he is to make you and your wife happy in another state? That’s kind of insane to me. Personally to me it sounds like you want what’s best for YOU, and you want your son to think you’re doing it to benefit him. I’m currently living in a different state right now and it’s extremely hard to co parent from here. That doesn’t mean I’m going to go and take my daughter from her father, because they’re best friends. That’s making everything 10000x more confusing for the child. Your son comes first. Moving and taking him is not the right decision.
This is heartbreaking that you care so little about your son that you are willing to take the person that he spends half of his time with away from him just to be with your wife. If you are dead set on moving, then leave your son with his father. You already said that you would be able to keep parenting time the same. So just go pick him up on the regular days that you would. Or pay for round trip plane tickets for him (although I am not sure how either method would be cheaper than paying the second rent payment. If you can make it work and keep the same parenting time schedule, maybe he will see that and be more willing to work with you. And if not, then I can see why he is concerned. But expecting you, your son, and his father to uproot their lives just because she made a bad choice career wise is not at all responsible and shows the level of selfishness of your wife.
He isnt YOUR son. He is BOTH of yours son. You made him together. Imagine if he was asking to move out of state with him without thinking about you. You’d go crazy I’m sure.
How far away will you move away from the father? If not far then dont feel bad. But I will suggest going to court to get custody. And work it out to where child can spend the summers and every other Holiday between u and ur ex. He is being selfish. You can save money because you want be paying for a place for your wife plus a place for you and your son. Moving in with your wife will therefore enable you to be able to provide more for your son. Your ex will have no choice and show him that he cant control you. You are a grown woman & mother with a child your having his best interests in mind not your ex.
Wow. How ridiculous. That’s half his flesh and blood! Get over yourself!
You should not take the kid away from the other parent if that said parent is involved with their kid
I think you are NUTS!!! You want to take him away from his father who is active in his life and has equal time with him for your own selfish reasons. I can almost guarantee you a judge is going to laugh at you… If you’re that selfish you need to just allow his father to be the custodial parent and go and you can work out visitation for yourself. Why should he have to uproot his life and move to go be where your wife is at? Is he supposed to move every time her orders change??? You are seriously crazy!!!
I agree this post has become personal and attacking. I can only say I wish I had put more of a priority on my son. Kids struggle so much with a divorce…see where it lands of you list what kids need…
What is the custody agreement? If you have sole custody then get a lawyer
I’m sorry most of these people are bashing you for wanting to be with your wife. That doesn’t mean you don’t love your son at all. Try seeing what the court can do, it’s not like your keeping him away from the father for good.
Consult a lawyer he will advise you if it can be done personally I think a judge won’t grant it but it is worth a try
It’s his kid too. And if he were to want to move to another state to do better for himself would you let him take the child ? That’s really
How you have to look at it
Just go to court already
Get a lawyer. Both of you and set a custody agreement. Without one possession is nine tenths of the law. Either one of you could take off with the child at this point and nothing from the other party could be done. Protect everyone involved and get a custody agreement.
Let him have custody and you’re free to leave
Your going to have to go to court and get it set up that way I went through the same thing and was granted permission by the court to move out of state with my son and visitation was set up fairly so his father could still be part of his life it wasn’t easy my ex fought me tooth and nail but I won and was able to provide a much better life for my family
There is no need whatsoever to bash this woman who merely asked for advice why so much hostility towards her people are so quick to judge insult and think they are so much better until you walk a mile in someone’s shoes you have not a clue its so ridiculous these groups you can’t have an adult conversation without getting personal think before you speak speak like you would want to be spoken to
I find it funny how it’s selfish of her to want to move and better her and her son’s life but it’s ok for dad to be selfish and controlling and obviously doesn’t care what kind of life his child has.
I’d speak to an attorney and go to court. You shouldn’t have to stay because of him. You can still co-parent just fine. Swaps would be longer though. Instead of a few days it would be weeks or months. That is until kiddo gets older and decides he wants to live with one of you full time.
You are absolutely in the wrong . You had a child together there . Just cause YOU met someone military and she lives somewhere else has shit to do with coparenting for your son . You can uproot your son away from his involved father cause you decide .
Not paying you to support his child leave
The law is on your side when it comes to military spouses.
You’re being selfish.
As your son’s father he has EQUAL rights as a parent. He should have an equal say where his child lives.
I get why you want to move, unfortunately that seems to be the ONLY perspective you’re willing to see from.
Here’s how it looks from an outside perspective:
You expect the child’s father to quit his job, move out of state where the only person he knows is you, in order to be able to his child on a regular basis?
How would you feel if he was doing this to you?
That right there tells you whether your approach is right or wrong.
If he was wanting to take the child out of state to be with his spouse…and you could either make a stupid move with him or stay and not get to see your kid…how would you feel?
If you currently have no custody agreement than you do not need his permission, however you want to have custody agreement before you allow him to take him because without a custody agreement he could take the child and not return him. If you already have a custody agreement you will need permission from a judge anyway. Best advice…file a petition to your family court for a custody agreement/permission to leave state. I was granted permission pretty easily just leaving for a job so I’m sure it would work out in your favor to be with your spouse whose in the military. In fact your spouse has access to very good lawyers ask her to contact one to start the process for you. The sooner you start it the sooner you can be with your spouse 
Ur not doing this for ur son ur doing this for urself to be with ur wife. If u was doing what’s best for ur son than u wouldn’t wanna take him out of state away from his dad