My sons grandparents are toxic and I am scared: Advice?

How do I deal with toxic grandparents? My husband and I split a year ago and his parents constantly text me about how they love my child more than me and i always keep him from them (i do not i just dont want my child around them when they are being toxic like this in fear they will try to keep him from me) my husband and i no longer talk and he wants nothing to do with our son…some how they found out that i was dating someone new and they found out his entire name and did a back ground check on him ( my exes dad is a cop)…they found out that 10 years ago, he went to jail having drugs on him (he is clean now and has been since) and they are going to try to take my child away from me…like what do i do> they know where i live…and at this point i am getting scared.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My sons grandparents are toxic and I am scared: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

Stop living in fear. They can’t take your child away.

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Same thing happened to me , block them they will realise until they are nice they will get no where U are the mother everything to do with that child is Ur choice . They have to respect that

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That ain’t going to work,if they continue cut them off all together

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Id start with getting actual proper legitimate legal advice and making sure my sons safety and stability is protected before i came running to facebook and strangers for help personally

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They can’t do crap, but they can file for grandparents rights and get visitation.

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If they show it in front of ur child… ur child may not like it as they get older… like my son he was our only Baby for 6 years and he had a fav uncle on his dads side and he always seen him drunk… but as he got older he started drifting apart from him and being scared of him… he wouldn’t even hug him too when they’d see each other… now that my son is older he doesn’t really talk to him anymore… it ain’t my fault I always told his uncle not to see him when he’s like that

For one there are no grandparent rights and its really hard to prove you unfit so don’t worry so much, you have every right to move away, change your number and ignore them

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File a restraining order, block them, cut all contact off, move far away if necessary. People will say it’s not possible to get grandparents rights, but it is possible depending on the state. Speak to a lawyer.

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Maybe get a restraining order against him, and file a complaint with the police department!!

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They can’t take your child, they have no rights over him. Block them on everything or change your number, maybe get legal advice on possible harassment and see if there’s enough for a restraining order? It shows you mean business that you are not a pushover and they hold no grounds in their threats.

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Move and don’t speak to them they have no right threatening you. If you have nothing to hide then it will be fine. 10 yrs is along time ago everyone makes mistakes that was then ,this is now

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It all depends on what state u live in. Some states DO NOT have grandparents rights.
Also, it’s a long shot considering you haven’t done anything wrong and you are the mother.

Lmao 10 years ago? The judge is going to laugh in their faces. Especially if that’s all they got. Don’t even worry about it, and start working towards moving.

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I’d phone the police and send them every message you have received.
They are threatening you and the police can step in to stop them from contacting you.
Ex police or not doesn’t give him any rights.

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Do you have written proof that his did the background check? Check your state laws to see if that was legal, keep a diary of everything they do… Then if they ever take you to court you have your own records to share with thr judge… But as others have said don’t live in fear as they can’t take your child from you.

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They’ll only make themselves look stupid in the process.

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Cut em off? Should be their Son organising for them to see his kid when he has him. If he doesn’t see kids, neither do his Family. Why should you have to make sure there is a relationship with his Parents & his Son. They made their bed. That’s what happens when they raised their Son with no Family values. He won’t fight to make sure theyre a Grandparent if he won’t fight to be a Parent. THEY DID THAT

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Change your number, your email, any way they use to contact you. Then move somewhere they wouldn’t think to look for you. That’s some serious toxic bs…oh and don’t forward mail through the post office. Contact each place individually.

They won’t get him as long as your being the best mom you can be… we all have a past, and your entitled to a future. As long as he’s clean and sober, working & good to your child it’s only jealousy on their part. Maybe you can set up supervised days with them, I’m sure they do miss him… good luck!:heart:

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Talk to your bf dad since he used to be a cop. He should know what you can do.

You should talk to an attorney, about getting full physical and legal custody of your son, because even though you and his dad aren’t together, he is your sons father. And although the grandparents can’t just keep your son from you, through your husband they may be able to do so
by having your husband get your son for a visit and not return him. There won’t be anything you can do until you take him to court, if you don’t already have legal documents saying you have full legally and physically custody.

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I’d think get that divorce finalized if it’s not… have the man sign off his parental rights if he don’t want the child, drop his last name and move away from the drama. And please do not see any man until the divorce is final. Keep it platonic. If that guy is into you, he will wait. You HAVE to get rid of these hemorrhoids before you can relax and enjoy life again. They are harassing you. You can’t let them win and be miserable. So put the guy off to the side and get rid of the baggage before you move on to better things.

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Go get an order where they can’t even if they start to see him just because you’s have separated an he has nothing do with his son doesn’t mean his family shouldn’t should be thankful they still want something to do with him

Leave them where they at live your life with your kid

I’d start with a restraining order and go from there. Oh and consult an attorney.

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Restraining order immediately for yourself and son so they can’t come near u or him. if u don’t already have sole custody do so. Make sure he either legally surrenders his rights if he wants no part in kids life or get child support but have it done legally so he can’t ask for kids just so his parents spend time w kids.
:stop_sign:Also it is illegal for a cop to access someone’s record for personal use. Access to information in criminal history databases is granted on a “Right to know, need to know” basis. Even after you are deemed a person with a right to access the information, you must have an official need and it’s tracked back to the cop!! So if your ex’s dad who is a cop actually used work computers to get this info he can be fired!! Tell your suspicions to the complaint sergeant at the department the cop works at. Every time someone’s record is accessed and viewed, the person seeking it is recorded. It is a termination level event!!! Do NOT let that go. If it doesn’t go anywhere after filing complaint seek legal counsel and pursue until he is held accountable

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Start an fu binder. Save all messages from them. Print and put in binder. Also do not reply to them and basically go NC. I was sued in Illinois for grandparent rights but my mom was toxic, would stalk/harass and verbally abused via text. Saved all those messages and got a restraining order and she lost her case.

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They have no leg to stand on. Don’t be afraid. A ten year old crime won’t get your child taken away. They’re using old mates career as leverage but it’s no use when there’s nothing you’re doing wrong :woman_shrugging:t4: you’re child is in no danger and you take care of him accordingly.

I’d also try get a restraining order and block them or whatever you can do. He can’t be using this as an advantage to stalk. That’s disgusting for a cop to.

I have to say I’d be the same as them , maybe meet with them let the new boyfriend prove he’s changed , children need grandparents nothing to lose and maybe something to gain prove them wrong , let them see there grandchild while you are there

If father has had no contact you may be able to get him removed altogether. Change all your information. New number and everything. Move if need be. Get a restraining order maybe. First I would talk to a lawyer. There are some that do pro bono. They have to do it once a year. God bless. Get father’s rights removed if need be. Maybe that will remove GP as well.

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change your number or block your number and text them about their behavior and let them know they need to change if they want to see YOUR child

Get a restraining order

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File for full custody of your child, as it stands you nor his father has custody, the dad can take his child n their’s nothing you can do , Do it ASAP . Get paperwork in motion now.

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Go for a no contact order and keep every message you got record phone calls and all.

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Block. Their. Number. It’s not up to you to make sure they’re there. It’s their son’s.

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Restraining order if they keep pushing and you actually fear them coming around or trying to keep him (which is literally kidnapping if they dont have legal guardianship).
And 10yrs ago is way too long for the court to hold against him so that won’t effect anything if it comes down to it.
Let them try, they wont get far.

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File a restraining order. Family orders are usually easier to obtain. Save all the messages they’ve sent you, with time stamps. Document everything.

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Do not be scared , they have nothing to you , just block them and ignore them

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First get a restraining order second go to court and allowed controlled visits someone has to be around to watch and hear. I wouldn’t have any say without someone around . And since the son not around and they wanna be in your business…send child support papers for their son to their house … let’s see how this works out. And if possible send some to them too( I’m being sarcastic. But if possible I would) . And as far as your friend… Ten years he good. Tell them get back jack!

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Time to get a fresh start in a new state

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Get full custody of your son as I’m have the Dad either sign his rights away or file for abandonment.

Get a restraining order on the grandparents.

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What state do you live in? Some states do not have grandparents rights so they may not have a leg to stand on

10 year’s ago. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. If you are scared they will try something I would obtain a lawyer show evidence as to why and seek some type of restraining order.

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i agree with what Danielle has said try this u may surprise yourself at what u can do legally

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You should have your whole house your car everywhere cameras

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Well it’s time to file for custody so this shit can’t happen

Protection order for you and your son. Big deal what your boyfriend did in the past, it’s none their damn business!

File a complaint against the grandfather and have your boyfriend do it too. The complaint will be for him looking up his information without a valid reason meaning it wasn’t a police case that required him to look up the guys information. Also he did it using police equipment on police time (more thank likely) so your boyfriend can actually sue the police dept the grandfather works for. This is serious and he can not only get fired but loose his pension. I’d do it can call the chief of police and email him what’s going on and what happened AND copy your local news station on the email. Trust me the police don’t want this coming out in the media!

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Tell them good luck…

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He’s clean now. There is nothing they can do to you. They are trying to scare you. Don’t let them.

To do a background check they must have got the son to do it “conflict of interest” he cannot legally do that without consequences

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Save all messages go before a judge immediately and get full custody paperwork for yourself and ask judge at that time what he can be done in regards to supervise visits or possibly a restraining order if you feel that it puts you or your child in a unsafe situation

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Honey if that was 10 years ago you have nothing to worry about. Talk to a lawyer make sure there’s nothing they can do.

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Note to what everyone is saying on police and seeing. Anyone can look up anyone’s criminal back ground, marriage and death certificates, real-estate transactions for a fee.

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They won’t get custody of him. My stepdad and mom were granted custody of me and my siblings. Stepdad had robbed a bank and went to prison. Bio dad had clean record but petty and tried to cause as many issues as possible.

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Get a restraining order

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Contact a lawyer and see what can be done. It could be that since your husband wants nothing to do with your son, you can limit his parents’ access as well. At least we’ll hope so.

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Contact a lawyer and see what can be done. It could be that since your husband wants nothing to do with your son, you can limit his parents’ access as well. At least we’ll hope so.

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Keep everything and file charges along with a no contact order. Then once the no contact order is expired file for a restraining order. **much easier this way/you might end up with more ammo to receive the restraining order. Since they are not only harassing you but threatening to take him away which can be a danger to your child and legitimately scaring you…I would say you would get the peace of mind you deserve. Good luck honey!!

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Grandparents have NO RIGHT, ghost them. There is nothing they can do about it.

It is illegal for the COP grandparent to use a position to invade someones privacy esoecoally when it is OLD NEWS.

Tell them there is a “Civil Remedey to Malicious Harassment”

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Depends on what state you live in. Alot of states don’t have grandparent rights. I’d talk to a lawyer. I really would do everything possible to completely cut them off.

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Get an attorney and end this

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Move out and move on away from that district…

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They can’t take your son away from you cause your man went to jail 10 years ago for drugs. I know cause even though I was never arrested I use to have a drug problem just pills. But I lost my son to the state for a year and I got clean and they gave my son back to me. I haven’t heard from them in like 8 years. Depending on your state they could have grandparents rights. Also if there is no custody agreement from the court between your ex and you, if you let your son go visit them they can give him to his dad the dad don’t have to give him back if there is no custody paperwork. Talk to a lawyer… best of luck hun

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  1. You block them or change your number. 2. Most states don’t have grandparents rights these days. It’s just a select few that do.keep record of all contact and harassment. 3. If your man’s clean they can’t do shit. Only way child services would do something drastic is if you or him failed for serious drugs and had a dirty unsafe environment. Breath hun. Talk to a family court lawyer in your area to see what your options are.

Hi hun, first of all, try to relax… they cannot take your boy from you if he’s loved and well cared for. Theyre trying to wind you up to take advantage. Go to a women’s legal service to put your mind at ease and ask what can be done generally speaking. Other than that, block block block if they are being cruel because you are not obliged to entertain that.

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File a police report and change your number.

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Pretty sure that’s illegal for him to use his access as a cop to look up his background for personal use like that ( if this is how they got the info). I would file a complaint for them to investigate it. They can see who accessed it in their department. If that is how they got that information, I would take it on down and file a restraining order ( maybe including filing for your son too). Proof of an officer abusing privileges could help your case too. Keep records of every text and everything. Contact a family law center to see about rights and what can be done. Build a case where even if they do file a complaint you have your covering to prove your a good mother and the guy you’re dating is clean. Also to help ensure that they would not get your son anyway. You can’t bully people and over step boundaries to get your way.

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Take your son and move. Find a life far away from all if them. Your ex doesn’t even have anything to do with his son.

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keep all text messages, voicemails, etc. and file a no contact order

because, in my opinion, they seem like they’d get your son for a “visit” & never bring him back… (i don’t wanna scare you, just saying)

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That cop actually ain’t allowed to do that!! ( personal searches on public ) Its breech in a public office… he will at the very least lose his job … REPORT TO POLICE ASAP‼️

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Change phone number get a lawyer. Sounds like they have nothing better to do than bully you. Put a stop to it.

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They can’t take the child on something g that happened to someone whom is not involved with that, unless it is current. The child must be exposed to that crime or behavior in the n present sense. Plus they have to have proof of such criminal behavior to even suggest they might have a case.

The only way the grandparents would be able to enforce is if their own adult child decides they can be included in a visitation court order.

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Most states no grandparents rights

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Most likely those are empty threats, BUT… Just in case, I’d document EVERYTHING and file a restraining order. They are harassing and stalking at this point.

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Seek legal advice asap

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Change your number and move . Don’t use physical address as mailing address get a P.O. Box

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Get a restraining order. That’s harassment and you don’t owe them anything. They’re not entitled to be able to see your son.

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Honestly block them get a restraining order have them served.

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I would file a complaint on dear ol gramps. He can’t look up info on people for his personal use.

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Go no contact. In most states if they do not have a well established relationship with the child already they can’t sue for visitation, much less take your kids.

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Get advice from attorney

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Move and never look back

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They are just trying to scare you plus your ex cant just use his job to access people and scare you. Contact your laywer asap

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Do you have PROOF the ex’s dad ran his info??? If so, looks like an IA investigation…

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They cannot take your kid for that. They can’t take your kid period unless they could absolutely prove you unfit.

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keep your distance. set your boundaries. supervised visits for occasional holiday is enough. you really don 't owe then anything

Yeah I’d nope right out, go stay with a family member or friend of either yours or your bf that they don’t know, get the restraining order going and document everything. They’d never see my child again.

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They cannot just take ur kid from u… Especially not because ur new boyfriend had a small charge a decade ago! Now, they can step in for their son since he’s not around… But unless u’re over there fucking up and not telling us, they cant take him from u. Get a lawyer and know ur rights. NOW!

Nothing, they can’t do anything. Don’t stress, no one cares about the past but them. A judge would laugh in their face

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Why are you letting them stress you out?! And why are you paying any attention to anything they have to say?! They can not take your child because you’re dating a guy that spent time in jail 10 years ago, thats ridiculous! Just ignore them and carry in with your life. If they are toxic then you don’t need them in yours or your child’s life, or even your thoughts for that matter. Say goodbye (or even f**ck off) move on and think no more about them, block their numbers so no more ignorant messages.

Any public record can be gotten off the internet you just have to pay for the information

If I was you I would lose all contact, move, create new social media and block them right away. Change your number. They have no business to be snooping around your life like that.

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They have no rights legally to see your child. Look up all the facts for your state, but grandparents rights usually only apply if that parent is deceased. And if you have a custody agreement in place, go back to family court and have your ex sign over his parental rights. But talk to your attorney first to make sure in your state that it won’t favor the grandparents.

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Get rid of the bf. If they involve CPS you will be forced to get rid of the bf.

Move.

You don’t owe these grandparents a thing, so cut them off. The paternal grandparents can visit with the grandson when they father has his visits. These paternal grandparents don’t need access to your son through you.

Change your phone number

End all contact.

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I would block them and if they keep harassing you, consider a restraining order. If the kids father refuses to be in their life then that sucks and his parents need to harass their son instead

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They can’t take him away if they tried . First have your hubby sign his rights away . Then gp have no chance of seeing him . Tell them to mind their own damn business to .

Block them, TPO, file a formal complaint against the gdad(he isn’t suppose to use his resources like that), keep good records, they can’t take your child away but the cold try and get grandparents visitation(depending on the state) however you can fight it on these facts alone m

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