My sons keep inviting their friends over while I am not home: Advice?

Single mom, 3 boys , 13, 11,&4. I have the 4 y/o in daycare while I work 10 am- 11pm at 2 separate jobs . I have been letting the older 2 stay home while I work. It’s a small town. We know all the neighbors and all the police in town. Recently my oldest has been inviting “friends” over to my house while I’m gone. I have explicitly stated to him and his friends that it is not allowed, 1- I’m not there so I can’t be responsible for someone else’s child and 2- they completely destroy my house every time and literally eat every bit of food in my house. I can’t afford to completely restock my entire fridge and pantry everyday and I can’t be there to make sure they clean up after themselves. It’s driving me mad. I’ve asked, pleaded, grounded, taken away and forbid but they are still not respecting me. Their father is completely uninvolved. It is just me and them. No one else. I have reached my wits end. I can’t quit one of my jobs, I need it to stay afloat. I also can’t keep letting this go on. Any advice?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My sons keep inviting their friends over while I am not home: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

Call the kids parents and tell them you are not there they are not allowed there

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Contact those friends parents and let them know they aren’t allowed over unless you’re there.

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Also if your kids can’t be responsible, don’t let them stay home. Take the kid out of day care and use that money for a sitter.

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If they can respect rules as simple as in no friends over then definitely can’t be left alone responsible.

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I’m also a single mom and my son stays home while I’m at work so I competent understand the struggle. My son did this a couple times, he gets lonely when I’m at work. I’ve told him that if I can’t trust him to be home and listen to my rules for him then I won’t be able to leave him at home anymore. I would tell the kid that if he doesn’t stop then you’ll have to put him in daycare with the younger kids since he won’t show that he can be trusted… emphasize that only the middle child will get to stay home since he’s more trustworthy or whatnot. It worked with my son, he wants to be able to be trusted for things and likes being home to play his games. Good luck.

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Any neighbor can help you out and stop over?

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They are too young to be there that long alone. They are proving this to you.

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Humiliate them by hiring a sitter. (Not my idea but Lois did it in Malcolm in the Middle lol ).

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Call their parents and let them know that they are not allowed in your house while you are working.
Get a door camera that can send you notifications so you can tell them right away at the door to go away

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all i’m saying is once they get to later teens their gonna rebel so hard and your gonna wonder why and then you’ll have to think back to oh maybe keeping them away from friends might’ve started it

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I would contact the parents if that doesn’t work call the cops and tell them. Find a sitter for all 3 of them that way someone is there to keep an eye on things when your not home

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Tell the kids parents. If the kids can’t listen I’d find a day camp for them to go to .

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Sounds like you need to get a babysitter for them. :woman_shrugging:

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Call parents and if you have a panty lock the shit up. Leave a meal out for each of your 2 kids for each meal and that’s it

Lock the pantry when you’re not home. Before you leave for work, set some snacks out for them on the counter that they can limit themselves to and that’s that. If they’re less fortunate kids only coming around assuming you’re rich, you’ll soon see them disappear all on their own to the next victim. It’ll suck for your kid(s) but hard lesson to learn into adulthood – don’t let anybody take advantage of you

that’s a really long time alone, maybe they need a baby sitter to help out get them busy!

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Try buying food that has to be cooked…No snack/junk food no lunchmeat no chips no pop and candy. Tell them you can’t afford it for the neighborhood any longer.

Time for a babysitter

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You’re the mama, put a stop to it!

Take the kids to baby sitter too many kids to be left alone

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Kids are going to do what they want. No matter if you call the other child’s parents. The said child is gonna lie. Set up cameras in the home, do you have anyone willing to check on the boys while you’re gone that they respect or will check them in this situation? Shoot. If it was my dad, he would change the locks to the door so it could only open with a key, and he would even nail the windows down so they only opened a lil bit of the way. I don’t recommend it because fire hazard but was just remembering how my dad would’ve handled something like that.

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If your teens can’t follow rules, then they should not be left alone!!! Find a babysitter for them. In the meantime, when you leave, take the remotes, game controllers, tables, laptops and all but one phone charger with you. Change the wifi password daily too!!! You are mom, you are the boss, make them realize this!!! Are they allowed to leave the house to socialize while you are gone? Teens needs to hang out with their friends. Give them some times they can have them over for they can go there.

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Get you a ring door bell

Find out who there parents are, and tell them to stop letting their kids come to your house when no one’s home.

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I told the parents of our neighbor kids that they are not allowed in our pool when we are not home. It’s a liability. I don’t care if the parents are present or not. U can get in trouble if a child gets hurt at your house when your not there I believe.

Tell them both if they don’t follow the rules you’ll have to get a baby sitter for them! At that age they would rather die!:joy::joy::joy:

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Ring doorbell inside an outside the house. So talk to them Live an catch them in the act an make them leave
An you can full access to every room through your phone when ur at work

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Get them some sort of job. I know they’re not of age, but maybe helping on a farm or helping a family friend.

Get involved…it’s very disrespectful…and make sure the kids mom’s know…

Tell them if he doesn’t start respecting the rules you’re going to put them in daycare too or hire a babysitter to enforce the rules. Either he acts responsibly or they’ll be treated like babies. Let them see you searching the internet for child care options for them. Even if realistically you can’t afford to follow through the implication might be enough to reign them in. :person_shrugging:

Then it sounds like you might need a babysitter are not responsible enough to be left at home by themselves

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Get a camera and hire a sitter til it quits…If they can’t respect your wishes and be responsible while you’re not there then they’re not old enough to be left alone.

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I understand you’re needing to work two jobs and not wanting your children to be able to have friends over when you’re not at home at the same time when do you expect them to be able to have their friends over when do you expect them to be able to be kids

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Hire a babysitter then can’t trust teenagers lmao

I would hire a sitter for now, give them a full ton of chores and make sure that include cleaning g all the areas they destroy. They are not mature enough right now to handle the decision

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If they can’t follow simple rules, then they are too immature to stay home alone. Staying home alone isn’t an age thing, it’s a maturity thing. 1. Ask a family member to help you out. 2. Ask a neighbor/ hire a sitter. 3. If those two things aren’t an option, then you’re going to have to find other work that fits the needs of your kids as well. Maybe look into work from home jobs… something different because it sounds like those work hours are not working for your family.

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Maybe suggest they go to their friends house if their parents are home

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Pull the 4 year old out of daycare and use money on a sitter

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Ring camera put a stop to my 13 yo shenanigans. 1st time I caught her and immediately called her out it was the last time she did it. My husband is home with my kids but he sleeps during the afternoon/evening bc he works 3rd.

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Contact the parents of the friends that are coming over and let them know your kids aren’t allowed visitors unless you are home. Set boundaries with the parents so they can help enforce with their own children. Your house, your rules.

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Take them to a babysitter til they learn to as you say.

Well I suggest. If they can’t be at your house. Can they go to the friends. I mean at least you’ll know we’re theybare. And you dint have to worry about them eating your food. Talk to the parents. And negotiate with them.

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Contact the kids parents. Tell the friends directly, not have your son tell his friends.

They maybe need a sitter it’s one heck of a long day for them

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Get some cameras and talk through them. Tell the other kids parents as well.

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I would call their friends parents and tell them!

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Does he have jobs or chores he is responsible for? Man if he is doing this at this age it will get worse. Take his things away from him. Hit it where it hurts him.

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Call the other parents.

Get them a babysitter. They want to act like babies treat them as such.

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Babysitter time! Clearly they aren’t responsible enough.

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Set up cameras and have a neighbor go check on them every so often.

Sounds like he needs a job and to earn their things

You live in a small town go find big mamma, it take her about 15mins to have them boys ship shape!!

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I understand you have to work. That is a long time for them to be alone. Try setting days and times they can have a friend over. Kids alone at that age leads to mischief. They don’t want to be alone all the time. I like the suggestion of using daycare money for a sitter. Good luck prayers hugs and love coming your way.

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Call one of those police officers over while you are at work and scare the crap out them. Tell them to put them in cuffs and say they will go to jail if they dont stop "illegally " having friends over while mom is not home.

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If they want to act like “children” then get a babysitter. Which I know is an added expense BUT I’m sure since it’s a small town. SOMEONE would be more than willing to help. My mom did that ONCE to me and it never happened again. Especially because she got someone like my grandmas age knowing it would NOT be fun! You’ve got this momma!

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That’s a very long time to be alone. They are probably bored.

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Cameras and I also like that idea of pulling the four-year-old out of daycare and paying for a sitter… You should threaten them with it 1st and see if you can get any result tell them since they can’t be responsible maybe you have to get them a babysitter and they should get offended and maybe we’ll clean up their act, either way they are just being very disrespectful to you and you need to put your foot down and get him in line because they’re only gonna get older and more disrespectful if you don’t

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Get a camera and when u see them there call one of the cops u know and have them stop off have the cop tell your boys that they will be patrolling the area few times a night if anyone besides them are caught at the house you will start loading them up taking them down to the station to be picked up by there parents :person_shrugging: it’s a try

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Tell the other kids parents. Maybe ask for their help in watching the kids.
Get a babysitter.
Don’t leave them home alone if they can’t listen to you.

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I would tell them that if they are not old enough to take responsibility of staying at home by themselves then you may have to hire someone to come in and make sure they follow the rules. Talk to the friends parents and see if they would help by not allowing their children to come over when your not home.

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If they want to act like toddlers, I would get a friend or someone to come sit with them for a few days. Plan there whole day like you would a toddler. Won’t take long for them to miss that freedom from adults. I have been married for 32 yrs and have 5 adult kids, been there and this is what my pediatrician told us to do! It worked for us and I send lots of love and strength your way! Sounds like you are an amazing MOM & DAD!!! IT GETS BETTER!!!

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Why are you keeping a 13 year old (barely) and an 11 year old at home all day? Of course they’re going to play up, they’re kids.

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That’s a hard one, because you work all day. I understand you have to do it, but also understand your child wanting friends over. Hire an older teen to watch over them.

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Let the parents of the other kids know that your children are to not have anyone over while you are gone. Get ring camera that notifies you as well

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Don’t alow maybe have police do a safe check

Tell them your going to put them on daycare since they need someone watching over them like babies

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You need to fond someone to help you regulate that or tell them you’ll have to put them in activities so you know they’re not home wrecking the place. And if you can get ahold of any parents let them know your rules as well.

Stop buying his favorite snacks until he behaves and earns the right to stay home…
Consider a sitter at home not daycare
It’s only going to get worse with age

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Get a family member to help you out and babysit. Where is dad? If he’s not around file for child support and use it for childcare

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Talk to the friend’s parents and let them know that you don’t want kids in the house when you aren’t there

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Gonna have to hire a sitter. There still to young to raise themselves. Which is what they are doing with you gone from 11 in the day till 11 at night.

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Daycare for them too

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I’d put cameras up all over the house. Check them often while you’re at work. If you see unauthorized guests in your home call the cops. Tell them there’s kids in your house without permission that you have told them & your kids they aren’t allowed. Ask them to remove the kids & scare the crud out of your boys. Being taken to the police station & having to sit in a room for hours until you can pick them up will probably make sure that’ll never happen again.

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Ring camera ! U can even talk to them thru it and not let them bring friend in .

Ask one of your local police men to go and check up every day? I’m sure they wouldn’t mind

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Id do what my friends mom did when we were that age it was smart and a good compromise/reverse psychology move : first disclaimer : unless their doing things they’re not suppose to like getting into actual trouble at 13 should be able to have friends while parents are out but that comes down to how much you trust your child. So what my friends mom did was just tell my parents and our other friends parents that we usually showed up at their house and that they are not home between x time. We still hung out but our parents began asking oh what’d you do today at so and sos did you clean up after yourselves ? Etc most of the time we were just decompressing after school then would go home. But because they started asking and keeping it in conversation it made us feel like we still had eyes on us so we still had to behave and actually started picking up after ourselves we shortly got part time jobs and would bring groceries to eat instead of there’s and usually left the leftovers for them for hosting us. All from just reminders from our parents because tbh we were going to hang out somewhere anyways we just wanted time to ourselves

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Are there any afternoon programs,at the school or youth centers like church or the local Y? Babysitting co ops? You may have to apply for some assistance with a child care center as them being irresponsible is seriously looking for trouble…maybe you can get some sort of assistance to help you financially so you don’t have to work 2 jobs…or… if some of the things they enjoy become unavailable because you need to cut back for financial reasons might make them straighten out…good luck!

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Do Not restock the fridge!! The son that gives the food away can go hungry. Take the others to a fast food place. Reward the ones that are respecting your request of no company.

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My Mama took us to The Children’s Home as our Brownie Leader; It was an orphanage & was so pitiful.when I “Acted up”,she would mention that place or The Girls RANCH & WELL, ATTITUDE WOULD CHANGE.

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Locks on the fridge and cabinets

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13 hours leaving such young children at home , of course they will invite children over and wreck the place , they have no routine , no adult guiding them for 13 hours a day- this issue isn’t the children it’s the arrangement , I’m not disrespecting , I know you need to work but you can’t blame the children. Serious re-think in order.

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Maybe ask a neighbor or close friend to start dropping in and when they see a friend ask them to leave. Embarrass them a little and maybe they’ll listen. Let them always be on guard that someone could come check on them.

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Find something like the boys and girls club for them to go to.

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Have someone watch all your kids. That’s a long time to be without an adult in the house even if you know everyone. You have to remember they’re kids, and still need guidance. If you don’t correct the issue now it could lead to legal issues later down the road.

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Ask law enforcement to stop be and if anyone there that shouldn’t be, maybe put the fear of God in them that it shouldn’t happen again.

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Tell them they are not responsible. Now you have to get a babysitter and that will take away any luxuries or extras.

If you know these children get their numbers and tell their parents they can’t come over. If you don’t know the children…find out who they are.

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Its so hard being a single parent.it was the hardest job I ever had. I wish I had some advice for you,I dont.but eventually they will be grown ups.:person_shrugging:

Locks on the cupboards.
Can you afford a sitter at all?
Good luck. It sounds like you’re working really hard.

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I had to work when my kids were young. They were pretty irresponsible too. I made arrangements with a neighbor to check in on them periodically throughout the afternoon and evening while I was gone. And they had to call and check in with her. Of course, at the time it was easier… we didn’t have cellphones then. She did have caller ID on her answering machine so she was sure my kids called from my home phone… so how you would confirm that your kids calling their check-in person from a cellphone would actually be a call made from your house would be tricky. But at this point having a neighbor or friend check up on them for a few dollars a day is my best suggestion.

Take away all video games and change passwords until they show some maturity and respect.

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Tell the parents the kids cannot come over but your kids can go to their house(s) if that’s okay. They’re too young to be left alone that long…. I know you can’t help it but they have too much freedom.

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I get your side, there needs to be changes. But I think you need to see their side too. You’re gone all day, it’s summer. They deserve to be able to see their friends and have fun. Not sit around all day. There needs to be some structure, maybe call the parents of their friends and set stuff up.

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You work a lot of hours, it’s not fair for them not to be able to have friends over. Are they allowed to go to the friend’s house or do you expect them to stay home and not be able to socialize?

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Tell the parents they are not welcome they unless you are there, and they must respect your home. Change the passwords on your internet . They are there doing things they are not allowed to do at their homes. Call the cops if that dosent work. And yes, have cameras everywhere.

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Tell the other kids parents

Have you talked to their friends parents? Maybe getting them on board will help. I really like the idea of the cameras where you can talk to them through it. Also I’d stop buying snack food, and lock the wifi before I leave. Make your house as unappealing as possible for the kick it spot. If all else fails I’d tell them they have to find a friends house to hang out with all day, then have someone I trust let them in the house when it’s time to come home, while still making the house entirely boring. Sometimes you gotta get creative, it’s not really a punishment so much as doing what it takes to keep things in order. They’ll be mad now, but one day their kids will have friends.

Cameras, tell each parent that their child is not allowed over without speaking to you. Someone needs to drop in.

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Maybe he needs a sitter

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