My spouse and I have been arguing about how we should discipline: Advice?

lol the child is 2. he can’t comprehend what he’s doing wrong, and even considering punishing him for being a child and not knowing any better is absolutely horrible.

i have a two year old who does those same things. he climbs on everything, gets into everything, etc. i’m not gonna be using the whole “spanking” way of parenting & i never will. i won’t ever in my life scare my child into listening to me. :woman_shrugging:t3: it’s a disgusting way of parenting. there are other ways to use discipline without physically harming your child :slightly_smiling_face: to the original poster (the one asking for advice) you are completely in the right to not want your child to think it’s right to hit. that’s what children learn by it most of the time. (lightly tapping their fingers when they’re getting into something isn’t what i’m talking about btw, i’m talking about flat out smacking your child and hurting them. but if the lightly tapping thing doesn’t work there are also other gentle ways to get them to know what’s right & wrong. it doesn’t always have to end up with a parent hurting their child).

EDIT since i need to clarify this, no my child does not need medical help LMAO. he’s two, he’s perfectly healthy and he’s actually VERY smart for being only 2, but he doesn’t know what tf he’s doing half the time?? he’s a baby still. there’s no need to beat him for certain things. :woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3:

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Hitting a little kid is venting your frustrations and anger out on him. You might say it’s taking the easy way out for you. The child learns absolutely nothing but fear and how to treat others the way he’s been treated.

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Personally I was spanked as a child, and the only thing I learned from it was resenting my parents. It’s the most humiliating, embarrassing thing.

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TWO??? :flushed::flushed::flushed: He’s TWO!!!
You are not wrong.

I just can’t with some people. I’m sorry.
That’s a baby. Why would your partner want to spank a baby? :sleepy:
It’s not that difficult to teach him the word “NO” all while reinforcing appropriate behavior!!!
Don’t inflict unnecessary pain on a baby. :disappointed:

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I have an almost 2 year old and she’s the same way, I would never spank her for it. They’re too young to understand that. I was spanked as a child and all it did was made me fearful, I didn’t actually learn anything. I guide my daughter, I reinforce right from wrong verbally and by showing her. We praise the good and when she listens. It works. Toddlers don’t need to be “disciplined” they need to be guided. Toddlers climb, give them a safe space to do it in such as getting a climber for outside or an inside climber, they have them on Amazon. When they climb they learn balance. Kids are going to hit things, make your home baby safe. There are a million other ways to help your child along before you resort to spanking. Especially when it comes to a 2 year old.

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There is a difference between spanking and beating.

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Every child is different but there always has to be consistent consequences when behavior is inappropriate. Try time out of you don’t like spankings. I personally believe some children need a pop on the butt to catch their attention but some do not. Watch super nanny’s tricks ol on YouTube. She didn’t believe in spankings but is very effective if the parents follow through

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Not with her dad thankfully but we live with my inlaws and grandpa is another story. I’m HUGE on not using physical punishment. My mom raised me without any and i could never imagine.
I feel bad for hours if i don’t see my daughter behind me and accidentally wack her when i turn around i could never hit her on purpose :grimacing:.

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There is scientific studies that show that children who are spanked or punished physically, suffer long-term effects such as mistrust, depression, anxiety, attachment issues and much more. Talking to your child and explaining why things should not be done (yes you need to repeat it many time, in order to reinforce it in their memory) and then explaining how it makes other people feel in a way that they can relate too such as “it hurts me when you do this, how does it make you feel when someone does this to you?” this will help them become critical thinkers and will develop empathy. These are life skills that are important throughout our lifespan. We need to make our little humans caring and compassionate, and spanking is counter productive to that.

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I’ve raised 6 children and nieces,nephews and I was always saying…your child should never fear you BUT they should fear the consequences they’ll get from you when they mess up/misbehave. Now with that being said, both parents need to agree on the discipline for consistency for the kid. I was raised with no discipline and no consequences and I was a straight up hellion by time I became a teenager and by that time too late to start. I didn’t wanna raise a kid like me so I started the discipline early as soon as my kiddos started walking. First with a firm tone get their attention and then redirecting them away. By age 2, still the firm tone but now they are old enough for time outs. This part is challenging because they won’t want to stay in that place but you have to be consistent and take them back when they walk away even if it’s a hundred times and always tell them why you’re doing it. The actual spanking (not hitting) I saved for either times that my kid would keep doing same thing after 3 redirection or if it was something they did that could have hurt them or someone else. Believe me, I’ve hardly had to spank my kids more than 5 to 6 in their lives and they are all adults now and always with my hand…I have a heavy hand. Noone is in jail. 2 are in the military. The rest are respectful law abiding persons. I even worked in a daycare and applied these methods…not the spanking…to toddlers and the ones I was in charge of would self discipline themselves at age 3. If they hit, bit, threw something they didn’t have to be told to go sit in the time out chair they would go on their own. Teaching them how to respect and behave they have to be taught at home or they will learn to have none.

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First of all u both need to agree, but I must say, I would spank my child, theres nothing wrong, it’s not abuse, until u take it to the next level

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Honestly i feel sorry for that baby…

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I haven’t HAD to spank my son (now 5) since he was 2 or 2.5 because he learned what is and is not allowed. We always follow or precede the spank with a discussion (two way conversation) of what happened, why it was wrong and what needs to change next time. The spank only happens if this conversation has been had before and it has to be had again. Almost like the spank “pops” the information into his little self. But seriously, haven’t needed to spank in years. I’ve found children to be quite intelligent and easy to talk with you just have to put it in a way they can understand.

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No need to hit a child ever.

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This depends on the kid. Some respond to time outs or favorite things being taken away. Writing lines or being grounded. Others don’t.

Spanking and beating are two different things. I think spanking can be a great teaching tool in circumstances where there is danger involved. For example, I’ve known runners. Runners who can unlock doors and climb fences. A quick swat would get their attention and I would then explain why they got the swat, why what they were doing was dangerous and could have resulted in more pain than the spanking and why they needed to not do those things again.

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I dont think hitting (spanking) a child will teach them not to hit things.

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I was spanked as a child and I’m doing good. I didn’t like them so I didn’t do it again, mightve done something else stupid but I didn’t repeat the same behavior twice.
I spank my kids, even at a young age, but it’s a pop on the hand or butt depending on the age. I will say this spanking does not work with every child. I have 6 kids (ages 18, 16, 14, 8, 2, and 6 months) and thus far spanking wasn’t effective with my 16 yr old. Honestly nothing is. I legit get onto him multiple times a day for the same exact thing and it’s daily. He’s always been a challenge to discipline from an early age.
Best advice I can really give is YOU do what is best for YOUR child. You and husband should have a sit down and comprise on the best discipline method(s) for y’alls child. Try one method and if not effective after a few weeks try another method. Be PERSISTENT AND FOLLOW THROUGH!

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I was spanked as a child. I have depression and anxiety. Both are chemical imbalances that are lessened if not fixed with medication. Being spanked as a child did not give me mistrust or fear of my parents. Being spanked as a child taught me that my actions had consequences and I learned. I have an 8 year old. I have only had to spank him twice. For 2 separate issues that I had already addressed by first talking with him, then time out was added when the behavior continued, then a single swat to the butt when the behavior happened yet again. The behavior stopped and has not happened again. My son is not afraid of me. He tells me everything.
This worked for me. This may not be the case for every child. The issue is NOT whether physical punishment is or is not acceptable to others. It is whether or not you and the other parent can agree on a consistent punishment for bad behavior that has results with YOUR child

I wouldn’t ever spank my kid, BUT we have lightly hit my daughter’s hand when she won’t stop doing something that’ll hurt her (like when she takes the socket protector off for the second/third time, goes to grab something that she shouldn’t, etc - and yes, we have gotten different socket covers that are harder to take off). Being a behavior therapist/tech, I’ve learned she responds better when I get her out of the situation (ex. Taking her off the chair she’s climbing), and get down on her level to talk to her. If a tantrum comes out of it, just ignore it as long as she isn’t hurting herself. Responding to the tantrum just gives attention to it which is what they look for, hoping you give in. That’s what’s worked best with me mama :yellow_heart:

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We don’t hit. If we are hit as children it may just seem normal and something you have to untrained yourself in. Time outs or even time in’s are the best thing to do.

For one spanking is lazy. It’s easy to spank a kid. Putting a 2 year old in timeout for 2 minutes and then getting on their level end looking then in the eye and teaching them why what they did was wrong and then hugging it out takes time and effort.

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A swat on the butt isn’t going to hurt or damage the kid. I was spanked when I was a kid when necessary. I spank my kids when necessary, and it’s rare when I do. But it’s your child and you do what you feel is best for your child.

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I think he’s the parent as well and that he has as much say as you and you can’t do things he doesn’t like with yalls son and same vise verses, you guys HAVE TO compromise with each other and meet in the middle or settle for something different

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Your right and in many countries spanking is unlawful.put him in time out.Each time he tries tokea e take gi. Back and make him stay the time .He willearn

There are many options for positive discipline. Best ideas for this come from people who work in and have studied Early Childhood Education. They are trained and educated in exactly that. Time out is counter productive because it’s still a negative form of punishment for the fact that it’s called “punishment.” Why should we punish children for things they don’t yet know? The goal is to teach not punish. We want them to learn, not to feel bad about what they did or to feel bad about themselves. Also, look up the developmental milestones of your child. ALL 2 years olds will climb on EVERYTHING (lol) because they are practicing balancing their body, gaining strength for Gross Motor skills, as well as learning spacial relation (where they can and can’t fit) which is why they also like to play in drawers and cupboards. Understanding these things will help you be less stressed about the situation. Purchase some low, soft climbing items (like the ones you see in toddler classrooms) from Amazon. They’re not expensive. And instead of telling your child he/she CAN’T climb, direct them to where he/she CAN climb. At 2 they’re just learning what is okay and what isn’t. Toddlers need to be directed to a similar, alternative choice that is allowed and safe. Remind your child to “be safe with your body”, “feet on the floor.”, “walking feet.” (Because when they learn to run they run EVERYWHERE and they’re now tall enough to hit their head on EVERYTHING. Lol.) If you have stairs, play on the stairs together, lay down couch pillows to climb and crawl over. When it comes to children, put yourself in their shoes and get creative. One last word of advice I wish all parents knew… Most babies are not physically capable of stopping their bodies until about 4 years old (they need to find and learn to use their breaks if you will) so saying stop or stand still or sit still to a child under 4 is really useless. Have patience, you’re on the right track. And no you are not wrong at all you are actually very very right. :footprints::purple_heart:

P.S. I was raised with my mom using the thickest belt she could find and the loudest voice she could muster. It made me rebel heavily, gave me anger issues, and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough to love. It took until I was 33 and diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder for me to finally understand why I was the way I was, address my personal issues, and be able to maintain personal relationships. Needless to say, I don’t have a relationship with my mother at all. I’ve chosen to study and earn a degree in Early Childhood Education and become a Nanny vs a Teacher. This way I can give the kids the same type of education they would get in school while also being able to help Mom and Dad get rest and be the best parents they can possibly be for their children. I told myself this is the way I can best protect children from what happened to me. :blue_heart:

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Coming from an abused childhood, I put firm limits on spanking in my home.
First, our children got one spank for each year old they were [I never had to spank past five or so, and that was my rough child]
Second, we had a set of clearly defined rules that guarenteed this punishment would happen. A. Did what you do put you or another sibling in danger ? [My older son definitely put my younger son in their couple car, and shoved him off a hillside] B. Was what you did blatantly disrespectful of another person, or persons belongings? [My youngest daughter definitely chose to go into her much older sisters room and destroyed her art supplies] And C. Were you already clearly told, with explanation of why not to do it, but you chose to do it anyway ?
All punishments were verified before and after that they understood the consequences of choosing to break the rules. Subsequently, punishments were rarely needed.

I think it depends on the child, my 10 year old was always so easy to deal with and such a happy child. Anytime he did something wrong I would tell him no (rarely had to spank or punish him) but my second child taught me not to judge other moms. He is opposite of his big brother, and when the “no” didn’t work and the tantrums and screaming started with him I broke down and would cry or yell back. I will admit I did spank but when I realized that I was trying to teach him not to act the same way I was acting toward him was when I realized I needed to take a different approach. As hard as it was to step out of my comfort zone I then started putting him in timeouts in his room, let him throw a tantrum but he had to stay in that chair and figure it out while I stayed nearby. When he was calm he came out and either tried to tell me what it was he wanted (he’s not talking yet so communication can be tough) or give me a hug and be done with it. On very rare occasions when needed I do spank his butt I would only do it on his diaper but I’ve learned that putting him in time outs and taking things away was more affective because he understands. Matching his energy and losing my mind was not the answer, adults have bad days so kids are allowed to also :heart: hope this helps

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-science-really-says-about-spanking/#:~:text=They%20found%20that%20spanking%20was,cognitive%20ability%20and%20self-esteem.

53 countries have banned corporal punishment, including Sweden (1979), Finland (1983), and Norway (1987), all of which have SIGNIFICANTLY lower rates of violence culturally speaking. Spanking is never necessary and can cause damage to a child’s development.

Please remember that anecdotes are not evidence and that “can” cause damage doesn’t mean “will”, so yeah, there are well-adjusted people who were spanked just like there’s people who weren’t injured but got into car wrecks.

I was spanked as a kid but not often, my sisters who are about 10 years older got it more. With my 2 year old we tried it when he really started acting out and I told his dad I didn’t want to continue after a week of trying that way of discipline because anytime he wasn’t getting his way he thought he should hit. I get it why wouldn’t he? So that stopped. Still figuring something out, his dad and I had to talk about it a while for him to understand kids are kids and they really don’t know much except what YOU teach them. And even when you do teach them it’s all new stuff to retain, plus they’re curiosity gets the best if them a lot.

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No need to spank if you’re being consistent on watching him and telling him no/ whats ok and whats not.
Its all about being repetitive and consistent.

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I was hit with a belt as a child wen I misbehaved but I Wundt dream of hitting my daughter she’s 14 now there are other ways to communicate, if slapping ur child don’t make them fear you it will make them hate you no one deserves to be beaten in any way

I’ll admit to spanking my kid on occasion… just one good smack but honestly it doesn’t ever solve his behavior. It’s worked a lot better just talking with him and working out the problem.

My daughter is 2 and we spank her, and she listens and understands that if she doesn’t listen she will get spanked . I honestly don’t think it’s abuse we don’t ever leave bruises on her or marks . I was spanked growing up and of course kids don’t like to be spanked but it does teach them my daughter will not listen unless she is spanked.

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Best way to help any behavior problem is getting your son on a schedule… make sure he is getting enough sleep. I promise after a week on a good schedule you will see less behavior issues.

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If you start hitting him he will start hitting you back. Watch Super Nanny. Make sure you are looking him in the eye and getting his attention and twlling him why he is in trouble and in time out. Keep redirecting him. He will eventually give up. He is wanting attention.

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If you have to resort to physical violence to express yourself - whether to a child or an adult - there is something wrong with you. Violence is not acceptable, much less against somebody you love.

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I would tell you 1st of all these comments are suggestions. I read quite a few comments & I’m shocked. No I don’t think spanking damaged my children. Every child is different. I personally think spanking is different than beating a child. Yes I spanked my oldest. Not on the 1st offense but when he needed it, he did not need it much. My 2nd child, spanking did not work! But time out in the corner worked wonders! Also my kids are well behaved. So no matter what you choose I would suggest you & hubby talk it out. Maybe compromise is needed on both sides.

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I do spank my kids on occasion, but it’s definitely not my first “go-to”. My kids actually hate time outs, groundings, extra chores, etc way worse. But honestly, whatever you feel in your momma heart is the right thing, is right. It doesn’t have to be the same as the next person. You’re doing great. Toddlers are just testing their boundaries at that age. :hugs:

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Your baby is bored and likes to see your reaction when he does what he isn’t supposed too. He doesn’t think he’s being naughty he just likes seeing your reaction. Next time he does it give him a warning, and tell him he will go on time out. I always put my baby in her packnplay when she’s getting into stuff she’s not supposed too. Don’t make a big deal out of him hitting the tv he doesn’t know it can break and hurt him, and he doesn’t know it’ll be expensive to replace. He’s just having fun. You being the primary person taking care of him distract him with toys, or doing a different activity other than tv. Even if it’s turning it to your show lol.

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I would tell you as a parent of a child with a behavioral problem. Giving a swat on the butt should be last choice, because it can have negative outcomes. Also you both want to agree on discipline style and stick to what it is otherwise it won’t work.

If you know anything about chikd development then children don’t at two have the emotional intelligence to be manipulative or naughty. They come into the world thinking they are loved and don’t understand things so explore and touch to learn they dont understand they should not touch or move something. To then get hit. The kid is only going to grow up to think that it’s parents hit them so don’t like them and hate themselves. So many people about who remember Ben spanked. Hate there parents for it and don’t remember why they got spanked just that they got spanked. You know it’s wrong. Do a parenting course and be a good person not someone who is going to emotionally damage their children

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We stick to time outs in our house I have an almost 2 year old and although she’s not yet ready to sit and stay someone for a period of time as a time out I sit her down tell her What she has done and that I’m not happy with her behaviour, then we have a hug and continue our day, as she gets older I will start to implement her staying there, I believe the rule is a minute per age

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Have a read of the psychology of why spanking isn’t considered a good form of discipline anymore or a good idea it makes sense to look into other options. It isn’t legal in many places around the world.

In terms of the Psychology:think about the fact that children don’t have the cognitive ability to truly comprehend why you are spanking them, even if you explain it, and if even what you say if you DO spank them can do damage in terms of the messages they receive psychologically and emotionally. You might explain that you love them but their behaviour isn’t okay and their young brain may well then internalise the message that physical violence is how to show love. They may also improve their behaviour but only because they are afraid (even a light spank but seem scary to a child). It can also have an impact on self esteem: 'I’m bad so my mum has to hit me. I deserve it. ’ And as others have said, if your child is seeking your attention because they want to feel loved and that they matter (from a young child’s perspective as they don’t understand the crazy workloads and stresses we deal with) it probably won’t change the behaviour as any attention will do. As someone else said, what works with one child won’t work with another one so it is trial and error to work out what works. I had my daughter young and didn’t want to spank her but felt pressured to do so. For me the couple of times I did, I noticed I did it when I was frustrated which wasn’t good and with her she just hit me! Definitely wasn’t a good plan… But it makes sense she hit back. Child logic:When you are frustrated it is OK to ‘hit’ someone (note it was either a light smack on the bum or on the hand from me). I have taught teenagers whose parents still give them a wallop. I was told by one girl that she woild scream into the pillow in her room but that it was okay because they loved her and were disciplining her… But really it was clearly hurting her. She was very self loathing.
Kids act out when they are frustrated. Starting to have age appropriate conversations about their feelings is always good to help them talk about how they are feeling as they get older is a good idea. Rewarding good behaviour is good too… Attention for desirable behaviours. At the end of the day your parents are the ones who you turn to for comfort, safety and security. Having clear rules and boundaries is important and consistency with follow through. What you do want as your son gets older is that he will respect your rules but that he also Feels loved and will come to you when he’s in trouble or when he makes mistakes. ALL that said parenting is hard. But talk it through and dicuss options. Do some reading about things to try and don’t be too hard on yourself. One of the best things I have done with my daughter was apologise when I have done things like yelled at her when I was frustrated or angry and I could have dealt with things better. She always apologises to me when she does anything like that too. Good luck!!

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Even if you believe in spanking 2 years old is ridiculously too young. A 2 year old doesn’t understand their mom or dad ( who is their whole world) to start hitting them. They will learn to fear and this will cause many other issues. I have children 25 to less than a year and I have spanked older children who were willfully disobedient but to hit a baby is WRONG. They better hope I never see them do that.

Practice what you preach, personally I’d never spank my daughter and never would, coming down to their level and talking with them with understanding with respect (and how I like to be treated) has always worked for me! You can’t expect a two year old to learn good morals if your not teaching them good morals! If your shouting and screaming at then their gonna think it’s okay to do it back same with hitting

Maybe he needs more stimulation​:slightly_smiling_face::thinking: smart kiddos ate super curious and adventurous… maybe try being more interacting and challenge him with small things to stimulate him more! Words mean alot as well. And not just, you cant do that. Show them what else is available… they are trying to find it themselves but they are little and everything is new

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I will say that 2 yrs old is young but not so young that they don’t understand anything. Not all kids will react the same so spanking for one doesn’t work for another. No matter what you do make sure that you do it right after they’ve done something bad/wrong so they know why they are having consequences. I have spanned my kids maybe 2 times they are now 5&7 I don’t have to spank them literally just speak to them & also I guess I figured better I spammed them than their father . Redirection, time out, taking toys away, simply talking to them , changing the environment by giving them less access to the tv or whatever. Buy books that talk about emotions & actions etc…

Hitting teaches hitting

Every child is different. Only you know what works and doesn’t work. I will say, my mom lightly spanked me and my brother. We listened and don’t have any of the psychological problems people speak of when it comes to spanking. On the other hand, my sister, who is 15 years younger, my mother tried the whole “lets sit down and talk about it” approach and she has authoritive disorder as well as a number of other issues. So its really based on the child and the parent. If you don’t agree on spanking, find a punishment you do agree on because consistency is the most important for whatever you choose to do. If he does it and you don’t, that could lead to alot of problems for both of you in the future.

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I totally agree with you. I believe that hitting a child leads to the child hitting. We redirect our 17 month old. Most importantly You and your spouse need get on the same page about discipline. Maybe do an online child behavior class together.

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Honestly? Lack of discipline is what’s wrong with the world today.
Entitled little brats everywhere thinking the world owes them.
But ultimately at the end of the day dad can discipline without your permission and authority like you can.

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Sometimes a swat on the butt with and open hand is what’s needed. No belt, no taking the pants down and bending them over your knee, just a quick good smack that makes them see that you are serious and not playing around. Trust me, a few times is all it takes. He will learn what he can and cant get away with and after a bit all it will take is the look.

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There are so many books to help you learn the right way to discipline your toddler. Spanking is not the way :woman_shrugging:t3:

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…you need Sarah ockwell smiths book.

Your son is in the learning stages of right and wrong. How would your SO feel if they were at a new job learning how it goes and was hit every time they did something wrong? I have been doing timeout with my son since 1 years old and he is 2 now. After telling him and redirecting him 2-3 times for the same misbehavior he goes to time out. No yelling or hitting. I tell him why he’s going and how long he’ll sit. If the tv is on I turn it off. As long as he stays in his timeout area his timer runs (1 min each year old). So if he sits, stands, lays down, wiggles and stuff that’s okay. If he totally gets up and starts to walk away I restart the timer and sit him back down and tell him why. When the timer goes off I sit on the floor with him (being eye level is very important) and I ask him to tell me why he went to timeout. I ask him what he can do differently next time. I have him apologize, we hug and give kisses. Then it’s back to what he needed to do. So if he refused to do something and went to timeout then he still needs to go do the thing I asked. He always does it right away. It really does work. The first few times he’ll throw a crying fit but he’ll catch on quickly.

My daughter gets spankings, time outs, hand smacks and talked to. All depends on whats she’s done. She’s almost 2 1/2. But also she’s isn’t spanked that hard nor smacked hard on hand more like taps. My parents did it and so did most of these people’s parents I can guarantee that. 2 years olds understand stuff so I geuss you could do the easy way and discuss it with him the first few times but after that there has to be something more sometimes but qs I said depending on what they did to get in trouble.

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Every child is different and if you want to try other things first you absolutely should!! It may work for your child!!

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There has to be consequences for bad and dis respectful behavior.

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Every child is different. I discipline all 3 of mine differently. However, you need to find something that makes them stop doing things like that. If your current way isn’t working, you need to find another. If you can not get control of him at 2 you will not have control of him in his teens. Then he will end up on the news like the rest of them.

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We dont really spank. I was for it, my fiance not at all. I will say when my daughter throws a bad fit, she will try to bite me and shes gotten me a few times and I’m not beat for that, I will pop her or smack her just to get her off. I was spanked alot as a kid. And honestly it didnt work, if u try to slap her hand she will hit you back. But we have learned that raising our voices when we’ve had it usually does the trick. And embarrassment. Kids hate to be embarassed lol. My daughter is 3 btw. Not perfect by any means and soaking in the comments because what mom couldnt use some discipline advice these days lol

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Corporal punishment is a personal choice. :slightly_smiling_face:

Lol he has no clue what he is talking about . Come on . My oldest is 13 . Youngest a year and a half. You need to expect Atleast one of your children to break Atleast one tv some how :woman_shrugging:t3:. A child being mischievous at two is just the age . And being a child. If the kid gets hurt and wouldn’t listen he will sure learn after that. Don’t be shamed into believing that horse crap. Cas is not a threat to good moms . People who have had shitty experiences are there own have nothing to do with a child being a child . You have nothing to worry about. Tell him not to shame you into it . Because your kid is not just gonna magically be that kid that doesn’t do something just cause you spank him. Spanking does not work in every kid. But I don’t think it’s necessary. I am already trying to talk to my 16 month old but there’s still a lot he don’t get . And I mean between him hitting my tv or steam rolling me bashing stuff off my face etc it’s part of the gig :woman_shrugging:t3: Also don’t let him try and control you by scaring you with Cas girl. I’d tell him to shut up and if he wants to talk like that he can get lost

Kids will be kids? Are you kidding me? If my child at 2 or older hit the tv, you bet ur butt he would get a spank. And relax Karen’s. Spanking and assault are two totally different things. A lot of this generation think they are entitled because they don’t get spanked anymore. Gimme a break.

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A pop on the butt is not assault. I got beat with a belt as a child. By my stepfather. My grandmother had a yardstick and a bar of soap the she scraped on my teeth when she caught me in alie

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People who hit get hit back , law of the land ! Keep your hands to yourself! Teach your kids respect by respecting them. Conversation works wonders if you get down on their level and don’t raise your voice.

I got whippings and I turned out fine! Lol I definitely learned from my mistakes and I am who I am today. I do not spare the rod with my child. But she doesn’t get whipped for everything. She did however get her hand slapped or tapped or lips tapped if she spit. I did use a lot of sitting in one place when she was younger :woman_shrugging: its all about consistency imo. Now she gets put in the corner or her electronics taken away.

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There are other options to try first… but I do believe in spankings when necessary.

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Yes, parenting is hard. My husband and I were both raised in very different households. You have to find a balance. 2 I do think is too young, for spankings really and if you do, a small tap on the butt would be max. Time outs work well and my kids are pretty wild. It also gives them time to calm down. We set a timer to help for them to see. I always ask if they are ready to get up and they say yes, I then count to 5 or 20 depending on which kiddo, and then they get up and give me a big hug and I again tell them not to do what they did wrong. And then send them off to play. I don’t hold on to the frustration either. Also 2 is a good age to start teaching them to say sorry and give hugs when they hurt or do something wrong. I hope you can find a balance and what works for you.

If you do research you’ll find that children don’t develop the full sense of “right and wrong” until age 3. Therefore, if you spank him, he will have no idea why you’re doing it and will likely cause his behavior to get worse. Just redirect to an activity that will interest him.

Every child is different, which means that discipline wise what works for one may not work for another.

I dont know your child nor do I know what you have or havent done to correct his behavior so it’s really hard to say whose right and whose wrong in this scenario.

Consistency and follow through are two of biggest things.
If you’re making threats of consequences but giving umpteen chances after behavior continues…then that’s a big part of the problem right there. One warning and then a consequence (like a time out).

The next is that is you cant change the rules. If it’s not ok to climb on the counter today…then it’s not ok tomorrow or any other day.

A couple of other things is to limit the temptation and ability to do things hes not supposed to do/get into. Baby gates. Baby locks. Ect. When those areas aren’t accessible then he can’t get into them and has to find something else to do.

Now, if you’re doing all of this and your child is still acting up, a single swat to the tush to get his attention wont hurt.
I’ve spanked both of mine but more often than not it’s simply to get their attention. It’s not even hard enough to leave any redness -just enough to put thier focus and attention on me rather than what they’re wanting to do

You’re right.

Have your partner do his research. Have him read a book on the affects of hitting. Maybe consult with a child psychologist.

We quit spanking our kids bc we didn’t like the pain it caused them and us. It not only physically hurts them, it psychologically and emotionally hurts them. I understand some parents do spank, and that’s fine for them, it’s not for us. I also think 2 is too young for spankings. If your husband wants to spank him you need to help him understand that it’s never ok to spank out of emotion. Talk to the child first, calm down then maybe a swat or two. You don’t have to spank him.

My son was being smacked by his grandfather without me knowing while he was at their house. Hes not seen him since and won’t be again either. Hitting a child is cruel, i dont care if they’ve been badly behaved it never ever warrants being scared of their care giver. My sons had to have therapy, he’s been aggressive, sad and actually flinches if I go to cuddle him now. It does so much more damage than teaching them a lesson. It literally just teaches them to be scared of their parent/carer and gives them massive trust issues, also teaching violence too and I’m still shocked it’s allowed atall! Your right on this one, your partner needs to rethink this one! X

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Now a tap on the hand or butt I think is okay and explaining to them, timeouts by they’re age seems to work for some people, for my brothers I always has a spot with a chair that they would sit on for they’re age time so 5 is 5 mins and if they got up or started screaming yelling I’d sit them back down and start it over seem to work pretty well I dont like of the thought of spanking but I dnt think a tap would hurt on the hand or butt but some people have different ways they’d like to parent so I understand you want a non violent household I was just stating in my own opinion I dnt think taps would hurt, but you can always try those other ways

He is a toddler … terrible twos is an actual thing …spanking him will make him scared and teach him it is ok to do this - therefore he will start to hit :flushed:

2 is an exceptable age to start timeouts. It requires absolute commitment and total consistency though or it doesn’t work (idc if you’re out at the grocery store, timeouts can be served anywhere). You can choose a confined area like a crib/packplay, or a chair, or a step, and if you have to sit there with the child and ignore him, then do that. You’ll find out after about a month if he is understanding the connection (consequence follows action IMMEDIATELY, or it doesn’t work). If he doesn’t get it, then you say “we don’t hit” and take him over to play with a toy he likes. Then try timeouts again in a few months. Then eventually you move to taking away privileges somewhere between 5 and 8 years old, depending on your kid’s understanding of time and consequence. A tap on the hand or butt in life threatening situations may be called for, but it’s really hard to swat at your child on a daily basis and then say we don’t hit (the TV or anything else). It’s a confusing message. And just fear isn’t nearly as useful in parenting as mutual respect and clear communication. Just like it would work if you hit your employees when they screwed up at work, but it’s more effective to communicate the issue, the consequence, and what behavior you’re looking for in the future. Like… kids work just like everyone else – unless they’re special needs. Then you gotta get real creative. :expressionless:

He’s a toddler!!! I hate spanking SO MUCH. It’s a cop out to parents and usually is done out of anger or being upset. All you’re teaching the child is “hey I’m bigger than you and I can hit you if you don’t listen.” Your toddler will not be learning anything. Again, HE IS TWO!!! Talk to him and just be firm. You can take stuff away, or time out but do not hit the poor baby. That’s the real abuse!

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The things he is doing at his age are totally normal & his way of learning. He is also not at an age to understand discipline. A developmental specialist told me this before. You need to redirect him and tell him NO of course, but dont expect him to stop climbing, hitting things etc at this age. I have spanked my older kids before when i was at my whits end, and i immediately regretted it & apologized once things calmed down. I do not think anyone should use spanking as a way to regularly dicsipline their kids. There are other ways. My SO and i have had this argument too. He was raised literally getting ‘whooped’ on his behind with a belt… and to me that is so wrong. He doesnt know any other way because his family normalizes this. He already knows its not happening in our family or i would leave him. Things are not the same as back in the day & its illegal in most states now for a reason. There are other ways to discipline as he gets older & people that think hitting is the only way are simply uneducated. Stand your ground & dont feel bad. He needs to rethink & consider the negative effects of it.

Thump those little hands 2x when you aren’t angry he will be ok. If words can’t help trigger correction within his brain then those thumps will.

When I was a young kid I stole and got my little ass tore up too. now each time I see someone steal or if i even think about taking a 5 finger discount my brain immediately takes me back to that ass whipping I got over 2 decades ago and I correct my thoughts and control my actions like a responsible adult should.

And that’s just one example of how a ass whipping rewired my brain to make wiser choices and overall improved my decision making skills. 20 years later and the effects still haven’t worn off (thanks grandma for all the butt whippings you gave to me out of love and correction)

That’s the power of a ass whipping.

I used to be a spanker. I quit because A) I hated seeing them in such discomfort and B) becuase it never worked. More often than not the child is bored. He needs more things to stimulates his or her mind. Its not easy to balance everything. Trust me. I am a single mother of 3. Now father in the picture. My youngest (5) is still mischievous. Find activities for the child to do with and without you while you get your stuff done. Honestly spanking is not necessary. A good tap on the hand maybe. Use redirection.

My kids would get a pop on their butts for not listening after the 3rd warning and most the time I wouldn’t need to count to 2. It’s also REALLY important that you and your husband agree on how to discipline your child otherwise they really act out and if you ever don’t agree don’t dispute it in front of your child. United you stand.

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I’ve never hit my son he’s 9 now. Yeah he can be a little bugger on times but who’s kids aren’t, but mostly is good. He is really well behaved at school and if anyone else is looking after him and that is the main thing. There are
Other ways. Xx

Spanking does not hurt anything!!! Look at our current younger generation…a generation of re directing,time out etc. Children are not built to understand all that crap at 2 …he’s future employment is not going to give him time out or redirect him…those of us that were spanked learned …we’re not out burning stuff down

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I got spankings and I know what respect is. My brothers never got spankings and grew up calling my mom bitch and having no respect for her, skipping school and so on and there was nothing she could do once they got a certain age and size. It was too late.

Would you behave better if someone hit you to “discipline you”? No? Might not be best for your child either. 🤷

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I believe spanking is necessary, for really bad things and after all else fails, but you need to only spank 3 swats or less, and really maintain your temper. By when all else fails I mean for example you put him in time out for climbing up on the kitchen counter 3 times and he won’t stop, or you redirect him and he still does it. However you and your partner need to sit down and come to a middle ground on discipline and stick to it, for example agree to start with time outs. You both need to use the same form of discipline and for the same reasons. Consistency is key, weather with you or your family and sitters, it really does help to write down rules and what discipline forms you want used. Your son needs to learn no means no, especially when he is older and starts dating. He needs to learn there are consequences to his actions, look at all of these young people who destroy property then cry like babies when they get put in jail they grew up with no consequences to bad behavior.

Read the research on spanking. It’s linked to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety in adults. Most child psychologists don’t support it. I agree with you on a no spanking household.

You are right the only thing anyone ever learned from being hit was that it hurts

Spanking or aka hitting a child. Just teaches them to put their hands on others. I’ve raised many children from newborn up. And yes…even boys. They are very active. But if you entertain them. Read…play cars…color. Whatever…they will calm down.

Well i see how a lot of these kids turned out from their parents kissing their ass and just talking to them when they act up. So you keep doing what you’re doing and see how that turns out and let dad punish his way.

You are right to not spank. There is 50 years of research proving that it is linked with negative psychological outcomes like aggression, drug and alcohol addiction, higher crime rate, lower IQ, anxiety… the list goes on. When you hit a child you teach them to not do things because they fear you. When that fear is gone (aka you’re not around to hit them), they revert back to the undesirable behaviour. When safety is an issue, and you hit them they think “I can’t do that or they will hit me”, not “I can’t do that or I will get hurt”, which defeats the purpose of the lesson. The key is to build empathy and communication so that they actually want to behave on their own accord. An example… When they’re trying to touch a hot stove, block off the area, and when they are calm and receptive, let the burner get warm to the touch (not too hot), and help them run their hand over the warmth above. Talk about it with them “see how hot that is? Hot hurts. Ouch”.

As for disciplining a 2 year old, I would not do that at all. They don’t even begin to develop impulse control until 3, which means they have no “stop mechanism” built in. This is like punishing a person in a wheelchair for not being able to walk. Instead create more yes spaces and redirect. “You can’t climb on the couch, but let’s go climb the stairs.” He’s exploring, which is good for his development. This is how he learns how the world works. It helps to grow his brain, so you don’t want to hinder his growth by making him feel negative about the experience. Involve him in your activities. Create a “yes drawer” (or cupboard) in the kitchen with stuff he can play with while you’re there, like pots and tupperware. While you’re doing laundry give him some rolled up socks to throw into the hamper. If you absolutely must discipline I highly recommend time-ins, and can find more ideas and advice at Gentle Parents Unite

Wtf is wrong with him? It’s never ok to hit a child.

Ladies, first, he is a boy. Some children do not respond to talking, if he is not obeying you, talking is not and will not work. You all should have worked out discipline BEFORE the child arrived. You, mommy and daddy, better get together on your plans or your little one is going to be playing you both like a fiddle. They baby sounds like he does not see mom as an authority figure. Spanking is NOT a bad tool, as long as you use it like a gold plated something special, sparingly. The hardest part for me as a dad is my son not listening and the promise of swift punishment must be followed. This is not about how you feel right now it IS about him resoecting boundaries later in life. You cannot reason with a two year old, CANNOT be done. He will understand the following: “You hit the TV again i am going to swat your bottom.” Then you must follow through. It sucks, it really hurts us more than them, it really sucks. you are not going to break him, he won’t learn that hitting is ok, he will learn to understand your cues and what is next on the punishment scale and start acting right. However consistency is the key. Once you cross the line and follow up with the swat, there is no more talking about it. Next time it happens, and it will, you have to go straight to swats. Each area of disobedience is different. I can raise my voice and acheive 99.237% of my point. When my 10 year old lies, allbeit rare, he knows what is gonna happen. Does not happen often. Long I know, but do not be so rigid with your spouse, that only creates conflict between the parents, and remember please by your own words what YOU are doing is not working.

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It’s definitely about how you do it. As soon as my children started walking and doing things I knew I didn’t want them to do I started showing them what they did, and then popping their hands-not hard-and by the time they were 2 and 3, they knew for the most part what was and was not acceptable. Any time I’ve ever needed to discipline, I sit them down very calmly, showed them what they did and nicely explained why that wasn’t okay, and then spanked.
I have a 7 year old and 3.5 year old and almost every time they’re about to do something they know they’re not supposed to, all i have to do is say their name and they’ll look at me, I’ll shake my head and say no, and my 7 year old will walk away and leave it while my 3 year old starts crying and comes to me for hugs. I almost never have to discipline because I started right away and i was always calm about it. All my friends and family ask me how I did it because they’re so much more well behaved than other kids and that’s what I tell them.
Spanking for us is only if they directly disobey me telling them to leave it alone, or if they do something serious (like hitting or pushing) that they know isn’t okay. I’ve been a victim of abuse and I will never not take hitting each other or other kids seriously and they need to know there are repercussions for that.
Not one single time have i ever left a mark or bruise on them, and not once have they ever been afraid of us and I’ve never went at them out of anger. If you’re angry go cool down a few minutes before you confront the situation.
On the other hand, I know someone appalled by my parenting and who refused to spank their kids, and their kids are absolutely brats and I won’t even allow those kids around my kids because they specifically try to get my kids to break rules, hit my kids and take things from them.
🤷🏼

Spanking is a hot button issue for a lot of people. All of my children are grown, and I have grandchildren, so this much I will contribute from long experience and observation: If you decide that spanking will be included in your discipline methods, it should be reserved for a life threatening situation.

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Okay, so I work in child development, don’t spank your kids. There are so many other options. But most of all. He is 2. 2 years is the age where they try to find their boundaries. A firm “No” does wonders.

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I always used “time IN” with my kids (as in, “You are having a hard time making good choices. I need you to stay right by my side for awhile so I can help you make better choices.” )
Another thing that helped when they were being crabby or melting down was to observe that maybe they were tired and might need a nap. If they couldn’t pull it together, they went to their room to sleep. (Whether they slept or not, it gave us both a break. )
Talking about things like emotions, especially with kids who are pre verbal, helps them learn to recognize and label what is going on inside them.

Yes you are. That’s what’s wrong with the world today parents not spanking kids and they took padels out of the class room.

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A spanking is not a beating and should not be given until u try all else it only took a few spanking s for me as a kid to realize I don’t like spankings so my behavior changed

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Spanking is not “violent” ffs it’s discipline!
And a spanking is different than a beating. A beating ks violent. But if you don’t discipline your children now, society will do it for you in their future.

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I can’t believe how many people here hit their kids. Wtf.

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