My spouse comes home to play video games: Advice?

Relationships
101

Please don’t do smash his game.

That being said, get him aside and talk to him. Tell him everything you’ve said here. Ask him to please not interrupts and to just listen. If after this nothing changes and he still talk down to you, well… I can’t tell you to go on strike and only fo for you and the kids. I also can’t tell you to start taking you days and leave the kids with him while you go enjoy a milkshake at Chick-fil-A or spend a few minutes at the mall by yourself while he deals with the kids by himself. I also most DEFINITELY cannot tell you the next time he is condescending to you to say VERY firmly “Hey! I am your spouse/wife/husband and you WILL treat me with respect. You may work out of of the home but i work too. You are an adult. Act like it. You have kids. I am your spouse. I am not your maid, your housekeeper, your cook and certainly NOT your babysitter. However, if you don’t think me staying home with the kids is anything, I will be more than happy to put them in daycare and find a job. Then we both will be working fulltime and we both will be sharing the load. Got it? And this is the last time we will be having this discussion.”

I can’t tell you to do any of that but I can tell you this, you need to nip this in the bud in a way where there won’t be any resentment and you get what you need. And stat!

102

He sounds like a child. Tell him how you feel, if it continues then I’d rethink the relationship

103

Honestly, with my husband we have come to a compromise. He works all day everyday except for few weekends. When he gets off work he takes 10-15 minutes to unwind before we figure out dinner. Whether I’m cooking or picking up dinner he watches our oldest. I usually keep the baby in the kitchen with me or she rides with to pick up food. Both of them after his long day tend to overwhelm him. He didn’t say anything, but I noticed over time. I vocalized that if he couldn’t play certain rated games in front of the 5 year old he could wait until he goes to bed. He eats with us and then while I clean up dinner he watches TV with kids. We text mildly while he’s at work. He’s worked long shifts for over 10 years now. He has worked into a position with a ton of stress and responsibilities. If video games are how he destresses I don’t take that away from him. However, he was not thrilled that I went back to work minimally part time. I work at the movie theater which is why I watch closely to ratings and content with my children. I work a few nights a week for a couple of hours. I worked hard to become management and he knows I enjoy my job. We have an unspoken compromise system in place. It was very give and take but it works 99% of the time. I get very overloaded after having children all day everyday. It wears me down and can tell. We learned that he didn’t know how to help and I didn’t voice what I needed. Long explanation but basically I’d have a good talk about what each of you need without losing the balance :slight_smile:

104

the fact alone that you a. have no friends to speak of and b. feel like you may be asking too much is evidence to me that you’re being gaslit. i cannot even imagine thinking this behavior is remotely okay. you’re being manipulated and he fucking sucks.

13 Likes
105

A man will do what you allow him to do. And he will continue to do so because you allow it. You need to stand up to him and speak to him the same way he speaks to you. He definitely isn’t going to like it but don’t back down. The fact that he is belittling you isn’t good at all. Those are all red flags and I would either give him an ultimatum and tell him what you don’t like or just up and leave him. You have your daughter to think about. She sees everything! I have 3 girls myself and I’d be dammed if I stayed with my husband if he was treating me like this. Hope things get better for you!

106

Leave. You are basically a single parent. Hes a self entitled child and little hope of changing. If he doesn’t appreciate your presence, let him deal with your absence. You and your child will be happier for it.

6 Likes
107

I broke up with my baby daddy for this. Hardest decision of my life. Woke him up though and life has changed for the better.

3 Likes
108

Talk to him about a compromise maybe even try marriage counseling but if he won’t put in the work or consider your feelings then maybe its time to leave him you shouldn’t be a single mother when you have a partner and your partner should never belittle you or make you feel less than you don’t want your daughter to grow up seeing that and thinking its acceptable or normal

109

Give him time, he is maturing. Just make sure you tell him your wants and needs. When my husband and I got married, I came up with a rule that he could only play games after I went to sleep. It worked !

3 Likes
110

Listen if my husband was into playing video games he wouldn’t be my husband video games are a deal breaker for me !

111

People that sit around playing video games are fucking stupid sorry not sorry especially when you have kids to raise

3 Likes
112

I went through this with my ex and tried talking to him on multiple occasions about this and it never changed ever. Relationships aren’t perfect but everybody deserves to feel loved and this issue was causing him to lose jobs left and right. Not to mention he didn’t take care of the kids what so ever and would go as far as to literally scream at me if dinner wasn’t done on time. Leaving him was the best decision I ever made.

2 Likes
113

Gaming can be great if it’s a shared hobby.

The real problem isn’t the gaming as much as lack of time. Work can be rough and very stressful.

People really need time for work, for relaxation from work, and then family time!

If you take away from his relaxation—then he’ll resent you. If you take away from his work time—then be prepared to live with less money.

Ideally the two of you would share the same hobby for relaxation, so that you two can get a lot of quality time there!

—-

One thing most people gloss over is just how stressful working full time can be. That’s not to say people shouldn’t work full time, but they should try to find less stressful jobs.

Hell even a pay cut for something less taxing can help a lot.

—-

Again, ultimately the problem isn’t gaming. It’s stress and time management. If you guys were millionaires, he would game less if he wasn’t so stressed, and have way more time to socialize, because he wouldn’t be working.

And while it’s always easy to just listen to the choir and break up and move on—you have to keep in mind what kind of message that sends the kids.

Kids need to have some grit and resilience if they’re going to survive in this crazy world, and if they learn to give up the moment things get tough—it’ll just be setting them up for failure.

Go about the problem is a way that your kid would be proud of. Consult a therapist. Consider the big picture (work stress), and work on solutions.

Children mimic the world they see, so give them the best role models you can be!

You got this my friend. :grinning:

1 Like
114

Me and my husband play video games together that is our quality time. We both have full time jobs. I do give him space to play with his friends and relax. I get on face chat and drink wine with my friends. We do however make Friday night date night. We go get dinner together or watch a movie. I also read and have hobbies of my own. You know its two way street maybe you need to get hobby but you also need a date night

2 Likes
115

He needs therapy…and not the counseling kind. He needs woman therapy. Stop cooking meals and doing his laundry. Do your child’s and yours. Make a quick meal for your child. When he starts paying attention and asking questions…tell him you are tired and need help and refuse to do those tasks until he starts respecting and valuing you.

Him belittling you is BS…I’d put a stop to that quick and point out how many hours you work including housework vs how .many hours he works…regarkess of pay.

As for your child. .start asking him to do tasks with your child. Period.

His attitude SUCKS. Don’t let him gaslight you or guilt you.

2 Likes
116

This is a little different than most, but it worked for my husband and I. I’m a huge gamer he’s not, but he loves GTA. So once our daughter is down for the night we play it together and it helped a lot. I got my gaming fix and he got the together time. My husband pulled the I work harder then you card so I told him to live in my shoes for one day. Needless to say he views us as equals now. :wink:

117

Fuck, i know how you feel lady

1 Like
118

You’re tight. Hes a child.

119

My ex was a gamer, he worked full time nights, come home game b4 bed but would be in bed all day do nothing to help with kids and he’d have Friday and Saturday off he’d be out those 2 nights every week and expected me to stay home with kids I worked part time and studied. My family babysat a lot as he hated having to look after his child I’d do all school runs, clean cook etc. All I wanted was family time but he was always tired never wanted to spend quality time with us so I ditched him as he hated contributing to the house also. Even now 9 years later I get grief for his debts that’s he’s accumulated with his ex girlfriends but apparently it’s my fault. He likes to blame everything onto others especially onto me as I’m still around cos he has access. He said to me couple years ago even though I was in relationship and he had split he said as I’m the mother of his child he could demand sex from me. I don’t think so. I tolerate him for my son but hate him. I would chat to him but if no change leave him as won’t change.

120

Both my husband and I work full time and I do the majority of the housework and childcare for our 3 year old, I’m also 8 months pregnant with our second. My husband works really hard and loves to game to relax, we came up with a deal that he would only ply his games if myself and our son weren’t around or once we go to bed on a night (I like to sleep early so he has plenty of time). However our 3 year old now enjoys playing games with him so that’s the loop hole!

121

You work a damn sight more hours than him cause you work 24/7 as a stay home Mum!! My ex was like this till there was a change in our work in I worked full time and he stayed home, he admitted going to work was much easier than staying home. You are supposed to be a partnership and that means sharing things, you do some work and study he should do some housework and child care simples, if not you are essentially a single parent anyway

122

So I guess I am going to be the one with the unpopular opinion and that is people have their hobbies. What do you spend time doing or would like to spend time doing?

Maybe bring this up when having an adult conversation with him and say look I get you like doing this, but perhaps we can schedule family time and you go do your thing later on? I schedule my own hobbies or would like to at these certain times and since we are always busy I just feel that it’s important to set an example for our children.

123

Poor excuse for a husband and a father. Period. Being a mother, working a part time job and going to school is a more than full time job. Sounds to me like he has mommy issues. He’s a man-child, not a man. And to hang that over your head that he works more and makes more money is BS! There are single mom’s out there that bust their asses everyday with a full time job and take care of there kids too. Sounds like he is using you! LEAVE…bc you will never change him. I was married 13 years and had 1 son with him and he did the same shit and made the same nasty comments to me so I finally said enough is enough and left. Some other woman can take care of him bc there are plenty out there that will but I’m not the one.

3 Likes
124

My hubby is a gamer too. He works full time. I’m currently not working (because of the pandemic and the job I had/would be returning to is a high risk job which I have already caught covid from once while pregnant and now we have a 5 month old that I don’t want to end up giving it to because of work). We have 2 daughters (3 and 5months). Sometimes I feel like I am mom 24/7 and he gets a break from the kids going to work while I stay home. There are times that I can go almost a week with not taking a shower because of dealing with the kids but make sure he gets a shower every day. BUT, there is not one day that he doesn’t play with his kids for a little bit. Not one day that he says no to our oldest wanting him to brush her teeth and get her ready for bed (complete daddy’s girl). He may get frustrated with me asking him to do things while he’s trying to play but he will always get up and help. He doesn’t throw it in my face that I’m not working. He knows I want to go back to school but I’m currently not enrolled. I cook most dinners and do breakfast and lunch. We work as a team. Even when I did work, I’d work overnights while him and our daughter were sleeping so I’d be home during the day to take care of her.

2 Likes
125

If you look at what you do. 1 . Looking after a child, in itself is a full time job, taking care of a house, washing, cleaning, meals ,is also a full time job. Also taking care of a husband’s needs is also a job. And school, is not just just time at school, it’s processing all you learn , as well.

1 Like
126

It’s only going to get worse, you need to figure out if this is how you want to spend the rest of your marriage/ life with him? If you think you can deal with it, then stay, but if not, then start figuring out a plan for you and your child. Good luck its not easy, but it can be done.

13 Likes
127

Stop cleaning up after him, stop washing his clothes and making his dinners/lunch/breakfast…YOUR NOT HIS WIFE, HIS HOUSEKEEPER OR HIS MAIDE!!! He act’s more like your son then your husband. You need to sit down and talk to him on how you feel, to make time for you three as a family, taking care of a toddler going to school, cleaning house, doing laundry, dishes plus preparing snacks etc, that is alot of work to do whether you work outside the house or not. Ask him, do I get a break? Am I playing games, texting friends or calling friends no. You two should talk about him setting aside certain days as such times for him to play so you 3 can also spend family time together and if he doesn’t like it then oh well…good luck!!

7 Likes
128

Your not in a relationship, your his mom. Stop doing everything, take care of your daughter and let him do his own cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. He’s not spending anytime with the baby but has time for games, nope. Gaming is a great stress reliever but not when it means you abandoned your family.

32 Likes
129

Sounds like you need to have a good talk. Talking down to you isn’t fair or right. My husband plays video games a lot but he pops out of the room in-between games to sit with me for a moment or just come by and hug me and our kids but it’s how he destresses.

1 Like
130

You have a full time job as a mom, go to school 2 days a week AND work weekends?! You work more than he does. I’d be so freaking petty about this type of thing. I would totally hide his shit, and be like “I’m sure you’ll find it when you do your half of the household chores” :grinning::fu:t2:

131

Sounds like a bum. He needs a reality check. Sit him down and have a conversation about how this is also his house, his kids, his family so he needs to contribute as much as you are. He’s not the oldest kid in the family. He has responsibilities he agreed to the second he agreed to marry you and have children with you. Idgaf If he makes more money or he says it’s his time to relax from work. Too bad! This is the real world where you only get those luxuries if you work for them. If he doesn’t want to be a part of the life you are trying to make… BYE. NEXT. There are good men out there with better work ethics and bigger dicks so if he’s not willing to change go get on Match.com :two_hearts:

132

My dear lady your so lucky to be able to work partime and GO TO SCHOOL and school at home s I cleaning and cooking part if your job so yo make a little entertaining. Make a fun out his time take him a drink or something he likes to eat. Put a. Note on the screen.
If you can pay the bills go to school you can move out audios.

1 Like
133

Can’t take care of his kid break his game systems then he’s forced to help around honestly you need to pack your things along with your kid and leave him he don’t care about either one of you he rather play video game then do anything he don’t want the responsibility of a child leave before it gets worse where you try to talk to him when he’s playing and he flips on you or your kid for the child asking for things when he’s alone

4 Likes
134

Girl he didn’t want a spouse he wanted a mother… well he has one and it’s not you! Quit doing for him. And the way he belittles you don’t stand for that shit! Tell him to knock it off or kick rocks! You don’t need him! What you do at home for your little girl is just as important as his ass going to work to make money for the home!

1 Like
135

Mine is the EXACT same girl stg and I’d he doesn’t work first thing he does is turn on the game
His friends call.him all day if he’s not on the game to get on the game
7 years of it.now I’m almost used to it and it still pisses me off daily

1 Like
136

This is my husbands same schedule and we have a daughter too. He is also a gamer!! It’s always been the biggest strain on our relationship but recently we talk out a schedule. He doesn’t play on weekdays unless it’s later in the night (9 or 10) and if he’s tired the next day that is on him. But it is his responsibility to be a parent and husband first and he has been a lot better. On Friday night he can play all night. On Saturday the whole day is for his family and around 6 he can play the rest of the night

3 Likes
137

My husband games. He works but he also helped out when our daughter was little. It’s his way of unwinding from work. I didn’t mind because he worked hard to provide and he deserved his me time. We’ve been married 29 yrs. But if he’s not helping out and throwing a fit when you ask him to help then yup, y’all need to help a serious talk.

2 Likes
138

My ex was like this but i worked full time and went to school
In the end i had to end it because it was driving me crazy
I go to work pick up our son from daycare i would fix baby lunch he would come home and all he would do is just game and at night he asked why i was irritated
You homie its you
I washed his clothes cooked and cleaned i finally said enough and made him do hos own stuff and that didnt work.
In the end it was the best dissension i ever made because i now have someone who likes to game but does half the cooking half the cleaning takes care of our kids together
I get girl time and he gets gamer time
Either he needs to ship up or ship out.

1 Like
139

Grow up or get out!!! Life is not a video game little boy! You have responsibilities now!! Your either in this marriage together or bye bye now…your child & you need a husband & a father!!

4 Likes
140

I had this problem with my husband for a while. Honestly, if he plays the games for winding down after work that’s one thing. But he should still be giving you and your child attention also. You’re his wife. Not his mother or his maid. He can make time for you if he can make time for games. I used to ask my husband, “Do you still want to be married to me? Because if I’m not worth your time say so, I’ll draw up the paper work and leave.”

We were able to work it out and we have a much better relationship lately. Some days he still games to much but, he’s getting better. If he’s willing to work on it things will get better. But, remind him that he made a promise to you. And then when he brought a child into this world he made a promise to her as well.

5 Likes
141

Don’t do anything for him. Belittling you is not ok. You’ve obviously tried talking to him. Simply go about your days with your baby and do nothing for him and see what happens. Don’t clean his messes, do his laundry, pick any of his stuff up, do his bidding in bed. Even being a stay at home parent is a full time job. That on top of work and school? You’re good! Being just a home parent is taking care of babies, meals, cleaning, shopping, yard work. Home care is just as fulfilling and just as exhausting as work outside of home as well. Expecting you to do your things, everything else in home, then refusing you and him time for your ‘break’ time is a problem. Try a few things that will affect him and show him the problems. He should change a few things to show you and your feelings matter. If he doesn’t then at that point reasses your future. Good luck mama.

2 Likes
142

A stay at home mom is a job too. You cook, clean, babysit, in school, imagine how much he would pay for those services is he ask someone to do it? He gets weekends off, off of work by 5? What is the problem for him not to pinching in to help? So you’re working to be his caregiver too? I rather get child support and be single if a man use me like that. Hell nah!

143

This obviously isnt a marriage . At this point your not even in a relationship with him. He suspects you to do everything . Put your foot down stop doing shit for him and then see what happens. This isnt fair for you or kids.

144

I left the “boy” I was with because all he ever wanted to do was play video games… Taking care of your daughter is a full time job in itself. Maybe he should watch her for a full day so he gets an idea of what it’s like. Then you have school on top of that? I commend you. He either needs to grow up or you need to move on.

1 Like
145

He is your second child and if it’s bothering you now it will bother you later. You can not build with someone who lacks a solid foundation. Taking care of a 4 year, online classes and cooking and cleaning are full time jobs, I’m surprised that you’re able to work weekends. I can’t tell you what to do but my advice would be to listen to that inner voice that continues to speak when you think that you’re wrong. It’s perfectly ok to walk away from something that’s not working, if you’re stressed so is your child, she knows when something isn’t right even if she doesn’t verbalize it. A mature man doesn’t come home and play video games they help their significant other with what needs to be done in the home.

2 Likes
146

Honestly, he’s a grown man and you’re not his mother. I would sit down and talk to him about it one more time and if that doesn’t get him to help, I’d stop doing everything for him. I’d also be having a heart to heart with myself and figure out if this is how I want to live the rest of my life.

2 Likes
147

I would say have a serious talk with him & then if that doesn’t work ask him to go to counseling to sort things out but lastly if that doesn’t work out you need to leave him behind - you can b alone without him . Life is short don’t b miserable

148

sounds like your his maid and babysitter not his partner

5 Likes
149

Leave the relationship and start a new life with your kids.

3 Likes
150

Thats not a partnership…

2 Likes
151

See if something is bothering him.

3 Likes
152

Throw the whole man away and start over sis

1 Like
153

My husband does the same but it’s his way of unwinding from a stressful day at work and also to help with his mental health maybe see if something is bothering him mentally or anything

3 Likes
154

Leave. Straight up. I have been a video game widow and our kids are now teens and they have issues because their dad is never a part of their lives. They are video game orphans. He knows you are unhappy AND DoES NOT CARE. Move on without the dead weight. I wish I had.

3 Likes
155

Get used to it or leave it won’t change

156

Girl get a full time job & tell his a** to worry about home. Probably wouldn’t make it a week

157

So he gets to sit on his ass while you be a mom (a full time job in itself), clean up and cook for him, go to school to better yourself and work a job? Honey stop! If you don’t do something about this you are teaching your child that his behavior is okay and you know it is not. He can play video games after his child is in bed and his share of the work is done. And if I were you I’d get a nanny cam to make sure your child is taken care of when you’re not there. I had a similar problem with my ex trash. He was doing everything (video games, obsessing over UFO’s, cheating) but taking care of our child while I was working two jobs while pregnant with our 2nd child. He needs a wake up call, you ain’t his mama you ain’t his slave. Tell him to shape up or ship tf out!

158

Do self care time and let him worry go out for a night soon as his ass get home then dinner and daddy daughter time starts a 4 yr old want attention whatever she gets into his problem you need wether it a massage or find a mother friend a neighbor to go out with

159

How do yall get to the point where u choose to marry these men?? Like, I kno he had to be an asshole b4 u married him smh … Did u think it would get better?? For Christmas sake

160

You have two kids :woman_shrugging:

3 Likes
161

My husband use to work 8am-8pm 5 days a week and I was home with our new born and toddler at the time doing everything and he’d come in and go straight on his Xbox after every shift and every day off (if he wasn’t at his friends drinking), first I didn’t bother with it cause I was happier he was at home with us than out drinking but after a while I noticed it was all he was doing, he was doing absolutely nothing with the kids and nothing in the house other than moaning at what I didn’t do and his excuse was I work all the time, this happened for a few months until I completely lost the plot and basically made him understand how I was feeling etc (also stopped doing everything for him to show him if it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t have it all). Thankfully he understood, started only going on his game when he had free time (I was busy/kids were in bed/playing somewhere else) and started getting better but it wasn’t until he lost his job and I was offered one (still came home and done all the house work and was still a full time mum)he realised he wasn’t doing anything amazing by working cause as quick as that the tables could turn and he’d be the stay at home parent and realised that his game was only a game and bonding with his children were more important. Thankfully everything’s stayed like that years down the line and still to this day only plays a few hours a day, some weeks not at all :blush: seriously speak to him and explain how you feel and if He isn’t ready to put his own selfish needs aside then maybe you’ll need to think of other options (also threatened mine with moving back with my mum and it seemed to have an effect) good luck :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

1 Like
162

I’m basically an xbox addict but my family will always come first
Even if I’m in the middle of a match I will just walk away and take care of my children

1 Like
163

Stop Cleaning His Dishes , Washing His Clothes Making His Food , Picking Up After Him . Only Do Yours And Your Baby’s Chores &&’ Then Remind Him That Your Job Isn’t Hard Enough

5 Likes
164

What’s with these trash men lately? Like, I know men suck but damn. Sounds like he doesn’t want to be a husband or father so I’d do him a favour and leave. He doesn’t appreciate you anyways

165

My husband is a drill Sergeant. Minimum 16 hour days on a good day, 6 days a week. Sometimes 7. He comes home for an hour a day, basically, before we go to bed. He only sees our son for about 30 minutes.

Despite all of this? He comes home with open arms, to love on our son, to snuggle up with me on the couch and watch all of one episode of whatever we’re watching at the time. His one day off is spent with us, my poor love hasn’t played his games in ages now (which I hope to fix this weekend).

All of this to say… if your husband truly cared? He would make it work.

Maybe he does care but something else is interfering, like depression or stress… But it doesn’t sound like it to me. At all.

My husband “sacrifices” his down-time to take care of the family first. Which is how it should be… Family comes before everything.

You need to explain to him that either he shapes up and makes his family a priority, as it should be, or he’s going to lose you. Marriage is a partnership. You two work together. If he won’t do that he doesn’t deserve to be married.

I’m all for saving and fixing relationships. You shouldn’t just give up - Which is why I say you need to give him that ultimatum, and be willing to work with him if he agrees to work on it- it won’t be easy but as long as he is trying, stick with it. But if he isn’t going to be a part of your marriage? Not a part of your family? You can’t kill yourself over it. Unhappy and unhealthy relationships aren’t good for anyone- Your child included.

I’m obsessed with gaming too… But I know how to prioritize. He needs to learn what is more important.

8 Likes
166

My boyfriend was unaware of how much I actually do around the house until I literally made a spreadsheet and showed him how little time I have. I put everything from cleaning to getting the kids down for a nap. I also work part time, go to school, and take care of the majority of house and child duties. He was blown away by my little tiny windows of free time. We are kinda opposite in the fact that my bf is frustrated with how little time I can dedicate to spending with him. Maybe if you did something similar and just let him know that those windows of time are the ones you want to spend with him.

2 Likes
167

The best advice I’ve seen here… stop doing for him. He will quickly realize how much you actually do!!

5 Likes
168

He is belittling you and trying to make you feel guilty for wanting to chat with him or have him help around the house. He doesn’t want to talk when you arent together and when you are all he wants to do is play video games. That’s not ok and you aren’t overreacting. You’re doing everything, he spends more time playing on his phone and video games and doesn’t help with his kid. If talking with him hasn’t helped it’s probably time to leave.

2 Likes
169

Rip :headstone: to my husbands pc

4 Likes
170

I’ve actually decided to get back into video games seen as its the only thing you can drop and pick up at the drop of a hat. I work full time, 4 kids, ages ranging from 2 and oldest is 14. I spend all of my time working, taking care of kids, and cleaning. Its a vicious crappy cycle that I’m not very fond of. I need more time for myself. I’ve tried multiple things to try and give myself more things. None have panned out and I end up getting more irritated with the fact that I am unable to do the things I find and try to do. I have given up many hobbies and activities because they don’t fit into my momming. days anymore. Its depressing and makes me depressed and kind of angry at times. No I’m not single but my significant other isn’t overly involved with things when it comes to responsibility. Which is whatever, we argue often about it, nothing changes no matter what is said. I’m not even asking for help, I’m asking him to pull weight too within the relationship to make it somewhat fair to me. I don’t even mind that he wants to do the things he wants to do. Have at it, im glad you found something that brings you joy that you like to do, I mind that I can NEVER do anything that I WANT to do. I’m always doing things I have to do with no ME time. Which sours my mood badly. I hope you find a happy medium, unfortunately i have not. Good luck

1 Like
171

Hide the gaming devices. Tell him he’ll get them back once he starts helping with his family! He sounds like he has a real addiction to gaming, what a waste of his life!

172

He sounds selfish. You have to get your own life and friends. Dont be around and see how he feels.

2 Likes
173

Men need to be told what you want, every step of the way.try telling him what you need and expect from him.Then if he doesn’t change things for you.Make it very clear what you want.See if that helps

174

Sounds like a real gem “you don’t have to talk all the time” wtf I hope he wasn’t like this before u married him I would say run let him figure out what he’s missing when ur gone cuz that’s just redicoulus

3 Likes
175

You are married to a child and not a man. :woman_facepalming:t2: My husband did the gaming all day thing in the beginning and I had to set boundaries. It was fair that I was doing everything in the home and with the kids while working also and he just played his game. It was a fight but now he only plays it when the kids are in bed. I don’t tolerate that crap. It’s okay to play games. It’s not okay to neglect every other aspect of your life.

10 Likes
176

Funny story. Some internet companies you can block the internet to a single device. It’s like it just stopped working :thinking::thinking:

3 Likes
177

I understand both sides. Maybe ask for a set day. Maybe Fridays will be quality time? I’m like your husband, I don’t like being bothered while I work/drive. That unwind time is important for his mental health. But if you have that one day for family time, it’ll do wonders!

1 Like
178

Be great full he works, he’d be the same with any other chick and you’d be sitting there kicking the dirt like “ I wish that was me” since you love him. So be glad it’s you he comes home to everyday, I’m in the exact same boat but I’m so great full. My mans tired, he doesn’t go out, he works and comes home and games; and for that I’m blessed. He’s human, he’s gunna be exhausted and not get this imaginary random energy to want to do stuff that if he didn’t work-he’d have the energy to do. Girl, there are some really useless dirt bags out there, a working honest man is the way to be. Plus you list off all that you do for your daughter as if it’s a chore, that’s being a mom! I love parenting,you aren’t ever gunna catch me saying how exhausting it is when I ASKED FOR THESE BABIES. I c o u l d be single right now with NO help, I’m great full I have a loyal man that works and a roof over our head with two loving parents my kids get to have as a sense of stability. I don’t ever bitch that my husband comes home, eats and showers and then games out till bedtime. I’m so in love with him I just get butterflies knowing he’s coming home everyday. Love. What. You. Got :clap:

179

Fifty years ago all he’d do is work and come home and eat and sleep and watch tv, might help to count your blessings :smiling_face:

2 Likes
180

Run…he’s not going to change. He doesn’t get it nor does he want to. Relationships take work by both people…his time is video games. Cut your losses and move on.

1 Like
181

Why should we have to ask them to do things like pick up after themselves, do the dishes, take a shower?? They are grown and should be just as responsible as us women are

1 Like
182

I don’t think you’re in the wrong. I think it’s okay that he plays video games, but if that’s all he’s doing then it’s an issue. My husband works full time while I go to school 2 days a week and take care of the house and our 2 year old. We typically have family time until our 2 year old goes to bed and then he plays his game for a bit after that most nights, but not every night. Occasionally he will play while our 2 year old is awake but it’s rare. He also does the bed time routine most night with brushing teeth and reading a few books to our son, so that’s a big part of their quality time since he does work 40-50 hours a week.

183

Don’t do a damn thing for him. He needs to put effort forward, he can take care of his laundry, dishes, cooking for himself. If he is not going to help around the house or with your guys child, why bother helping him out. He is acting like a child. If he doesn’t want to spend time with you, I’d seriously question why your even together? I mean if your feeling lonely now can you imagine what it will be like in 10 plus years. You need a spouse not a second grown child. Also get yourself a hobby and a couple good friends. Make time for yourself. If I were you I would just avoid him and live my life without involving him until he decided to man up or just plan and simple leave. Your not being unreasonable at all, men need to contribute human/relationship basics other than the “I work more and/or make more than you bullshit.” Good luck!

184

Toxic advice I would not follow in this thread: Hiding game or cords. This isn’t going to get him to see your side nor have him want to speak to you.

Be more interesting :unamused: whoever wrote that is purely an idiot… you were interesting enough to marry and make a baby with, you should not have to unlock some special talent to have your own spouse speak or spend time with you :roll_eyes:

Stop doing any of your responsibilities: sounds reasonable to get them to see what you do but honestly stooping to their level rarely gives them insight, they don’t make the connection.

Personally I’ve been there in that very position… yes speak your intentions of what you’d like to do: “hey after work how about we have a date night” but if he isn’t interested or is nasty about your request move on… find your own friends to text and hang out with, do whatever it is you do in the house chore wise, set the kiddos food up and leave the baby with her daddy while you do the things that interest you. Stop waiting on him to do the things you want to do. Go out after work, take your kid to the parks and zoos alone, make new mommy friends. Eventually he’ll either see what he’s missing out on, you’ll realize maybe I need more in a relationship, or you’ll find that separating your interests is a compromise that works for y’all. But sitting around begging does you no favors, live your life with or without him :woman_shrugging:t4:

And for everyone claiming depression, sure it’s a possibility but it very well could be that his interests and de-stressor is simply playing video games! It’s certainly not an abnormal hobby but it is one that can become time consuming and addictive. To say he needs to ditch the game completely would be equally as selfish, he just needs to figure out how to compartmentalize his time better.

14 Likes
185

What you allow is what will continue. “Working more” isn’t an excuse to not help with his obligations aka his child and the home he lives in. He needs to grow up and get his priorities straight.

186

sounds like you have two kids. tell him if he wants a mommy to move back home. Do not tolerate how he is treating.

187

Look at all the women being so controlling over something your husband likes to do. I mean theres tons of people who play video games. Calling them a child and not a man? Like… what are we supposed to do all day? Build you a house while you sell make up bullshit on facebook? Umm change the oil in the car since you cant afford it working 2 days at your whatever job while going to “school” Haha. If its something they like to do then let them. He could be out cheating, beating you, molesting children, putting your family in gambling debt, killing people, stuck in prison. But because he plays video games because thats a stress reliever. As long as the kids are taken care of then i dont see the problem. People are saying run!? Look at all these miserable people lol.

188

Yalls responsibilities outside or inside the home are irrelevant to this issue. He’s a grown man and Doesn’t need to rush home to play video games. Especially when there’s kids around to see. An hour before bedtime is whatever. Go for it. And like two hours Saturday and two Sunday. But grow up. Priorities. We are only getting one side of this so maybe you are needy but it doesn’t sound like it.

2 Likes
189

I disagree with most of these comments. It sounds like there’s something wrong. It sounds like he’s battling depressions or trying to escape and find some happiness. It’s easy to look at someone who does these things and call him selfish and lazy and a jerk.

In my honest opinion, there’s something wrong. People sometimes use video games to exercise some control over their lives where maybe they feel they don’t have any. Fighting about it is going to help no one and push the wedge deeper between you, i think. As i don’t know his personality or how he feels loved, i can’t say specifics, but when my husband does things like this, it’s because something is seriously weighing on him. I jump in and either watch him play while sitting close and offering him snacks and being his personal cheerleader, or asking to play with him. Eventually he softens and we can talk. I ask him what’s really bothering him and what can we do to get our family back on track.

It’s really easy to point fingers when you’re hurt, be angry and upset, and place blame. But in my opinion, those things just add fuel to the fire. It’s better to try to understand why these things are happening and help him through it.

My husband and i have been together almost 11 years and have three kids. He works fulltime and I’m a stay at home mom and home school our kids. I also do most of the cleaning, all of the shopping and cooking and kid stuff. I ask for help when I’m overwhelmed and explain that I’m overwhelmed. I explain when I’m feeling neglected and when I need attention as his wife and a human being. He gets into these ruts where he’s stressed out about things and ignores the house and gets frustrated with the kids. I have to remind him of his responsibilities. While most people would consider this unacceptable, I know this man. I do my absolute best to understand him and where he’s coming from. I try to be compassionate and understanding and do my best to help when he needs it, unconditionally. It’s not perfect, but when it’s me who needs help or I’m stressed or overwhelmed, I ask for what I need because that’s the type of person I am. I tell him exactly what’s wrong and what needs to happen to make it better. He appreciates that because he would have no idea otherwise. And I’ve grown to love this because it’s easier to get the things I need as a human.

We aren’t perfect and struggles happen. But the way I see it, everyone has their baggage and all we are all trying to do is struggle through life and trying to find some happiness. Being compassionate to my significant other and caring for them even when they least deserve it, especially when they least deserve it, lightens the load and gives them an opportunity to breathe. Loving them unconditionally as who they are without making the situations transactional (I’ll love him when he pays attention to me more), is what I strive for in both my husband and my kids so that they feel safe and we are overall more happy.

6 Likes
190

He’s definitely playing games to escape something. To de-stress or take his mind off other things. He comes home right? He’s not using drugs or drinking as an outlet? I mean why don’t you ask him if you can learn to play and it’s something you can do together? I mean I’m not a big video game person but I do get involved here and there so it’s something we all (as a family) can do together on rainy days and such. You probably just need to communicate and reconnect. I wouldn’t jump on him about it, although you are entitled to how you feel, but he may be stressed about work, bills, etc, and doesn’t want to worry you with more things on your plate.

1 Like
191

Stop doing things for him. Only do for you and your child. Become your own person. Stop asking for things. Either he will notice and change or he won’t. When he gets off work, leave kiddo with him and go out. You deserve it. You aren’t his mother so stop taking care of him if he wants to be that way towards you.

3 Likes
192

I sorta had same issue and would say things go unnoticed. I had a “tantrum” solved nothing. One day I just started being overly nice for about 2 wks and it just clicked for him and he started opening up and we agreed on sundays as family day.

193

Leave him and get a life that you deserve. And you deserve to be valued, respect and to be appreciated that’s it and most of all you and your baby deserve to be happy and have healthy life.

1 Like
194

Hugs. Just lots of hugs for you

195

Every partner deserves more than to feel like a convenience to someone. Playing games isn’t the problem, the problem is his attitude makes you feel unimportant and like you’re just there for his convenience. It’s no kind of life.

1 Like
196

He works Mon-Fri. You work weekends and have school 2 days a week. So just with that he works 5 days and you work 4. Plus you do all the cooking and cleaning and caring for your 4 year old. He should be spending time with his family after work. He can play games after your daughter is in bed. He should not be belittling your contribution to the family. Ask him why did he even have a family if he wasn’t even gonna spend time with them. You both should get time to yourselves, but what he is doing currently is ridiculous.

4 Likes
197

Listen. That man works his ass off let him play those games. But he also has to realize he’s your partner and should be helping you. He can do both. My husband plays video games but he also helps with the kids and chores around the house. That man deserves to play some games, you should be thankful he’s playing games and not out doing something stupid or cheating.

198

Sounds like a man child and a machista. The issue I read here is that he throws it in your face that he works full time and you don’t. Therefore you should take care of your child, cook, clean, etc. I’m proud of you for continuing your studies. I wonder if there is jealousy going on cause your improving yourself. Keep studying so that if it doesn’t work out you will be able to support yourself and your child. Try to let him know that he’s belittling you and how that makes you feel.

2 Likes
199

Try finding a video game you both like and play together?

2 Likes
200

My ex was very into video games at one point and while I wasn’t very good at actually playing them I became involved in helping solve some of the puzzle aspects of the game. So we were able to spend some quality time that way.

But do not stand for the “I make more money so I get to make the rules” when it comes to housework and child care or even quality time for your family. You go to school you have a part time job AND you’re carrying the load in regards to childcare and housework. If you put a price on all of that, you’d be out earning him every time.

3 Likes