Please post. Anonymously. I need feedback because I am hurting badly right now. My child’s father is very ashamed of me. He has never introduced me to anyone he knows. This hit home yesterday. Our daughter turned one on Tuesday. For the last month, I have been talking to him about doing something for her birthday. I don’t have a large family or many friends. It was always my understanding we would celebrate with my kids and his sons. But he never really committed to anything, so I just thought he wasn’t on board. Yesterday I found out he’s planned an entire party with a woman he is seeing. He didn’t tell me about it at all. He’s so ashamed to be seen in public with me that he won’t even celebrate my child’s birthday with me. And I am so depressed. I thought we were good and had a decent friendship. We were still sleeping together, but he planned to celebrate my daughter without me and didn’t even tell me. I told him she’s not going. And I know I’m petty, but I’m just so hurt. Please tell me what you would do?
Please stop being intimate with him. He doesn’t deserve that if he won’t treat you decently. I think you can let your child go for the party. Don’t show him that it bothers you. Else he may feel satisfied thinking that you’re jealous or something. Be cordial but end the intimacy. Treat him the same way he treats you. Please don’t let it affect your self esteem. If he doesn’t see your value, others will. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t.
You know why he doesn’t want to be seen with you, and that’s not your daughters fault. You can’t hold your child from the father because he’s a shitty booty call. Keep your daughter out of the drama you’ve both created and move on. He clearly has no intentions of being with you so stop allowing him to have any power or control of your feelings. I would say it’s time to find your worth and move on for yourself and your daughter. Let her have her visits. I can speak from experience when I say, it will get nasty and if he ends up getting the courts involved you’ll be in deep crap if you let your feelings control the situation and continue to hold your child from her father.
From what I’m understanding is that he isn’t ashamed of you he is hiding you because he is ashamed of his actions. You’ve been demoted to mistress hun, I’ve been there, my husband had an affair a few years ago. He left me for a bit to be with the other woman (he and I were still legally married) and I asked both of them multiple times if they were living together and with each other which they both denied profusely. I knew better though I knew they were together and were renting a house together etc but because they were both still lying to my face when my husband came to me I slept with him, I let it happen twice. My thought process was what is that hoochie going to do? Cry about how he “cheated” on her with his legal spouse after all of their mutual friends found out about them having an affair? she’d look stupid… Guilt and reasoning eventually caught up to me after having a heart to heart with my aunt and I decided if he came to me again i would turn him away and send him back to the other woman. I ended up not having to do that though because we ended up reconciling for real and now rent a house together (keep in mind this type of thing, reconciliation, doesn’t always happen). My advice, AFTER the party (yes let your daughter have her day) get in contact with the woman he is seeing and have a heart to heart. She deserves to know he’s been sneaky and you thought you 2 were reconciling up until you found out about the party and the plans he had made without your knowledge, even if she doesn’t believe you (the other woman didn’t believe me when I came clean). Then set very clear boundaries with her child’s father, stop sleeping with him. Only speak to him if its about your child and if you have to. Let yourself let him go and focus on you.
- Spouse. Means common law or married.
- He is blatantly cheating.
- He is a chronic liar as he cheated AND planned a separate party without you to attend
- Call a lawyer. Now. You need one
- You ARE entitled to HALF of EVERYTHING- that means his locked in RRSPs, his GIFs, RIFs, his pension, his hidden money
AND you ARE entitled to spousal AND child support. - His neglect towards you IS ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR
- Get counselling to help get you through this
7…the most important. YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
Do NOT let ANYONE tell you otherwise
Honey, first, I am so sorry.
Second, do not withhold your daughter because her father is hurting your feelings. I know it’s bad. But I’m telling you the way he is treating you has to do with your traumas from childhood. How were you treated? Have you ever felt abandoned? A lot of times when we were hurt as children, we tend to live out these situations in our adult life. You have to take your power back. Keeping your daughter from this party will only make things worse for you.
I’m sending so much light and love, I would suggest seeing a counselor or therapist to start your healing process. You will feel so much better, love!
I don’t meant to sound rude to the other posters but, everyone seems to be dancing around the reasons and trying to find an explanation; this is human of course but does not speak to the crux of the issue.
You have to love yourself. and part of loving yourself, and your child, is not allowing someone to take advantage of you. regardless of whatever financial support you may receive, it is not worth the pain and trauma being inflicted upon yourself, and your child.
Leave him. I know this does not sound easy. But every step down the path gets easier and you look behind you far less frequently.
the simple fact is you and your child will not have the opportunity to grow while being trapped in the situation currently.
there are so many resources available to help. contact friends/family/local orgs. there is help. You are not alone.
Also, find someone to talk to about all of this. someone with connections to community resources like a social worker. Who can point you in the right direction for that you need to be successful when you leave.
you do not deserve to be treated this way, your child does not deserve to be treated this way, and someone who treats his child and the mother of his child in such a way does not deserve whatever teenth chance to try to ‘be better’.
Leave. If you don’t have the strength, find someone who will let you borrow theirs. But you need to leave.
Please be safe.
Due to the Facebook comments: I feel like everyone is missing the point…this birthday is for a 1 year old… lmao that party isn’t really for her, no one year olds gonna remember it 
Ditch the dude romantically and get a lawyer to figure out visitation issues. Find yourself because this situation is toxic and you need to be better for you and her
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My spouse doesn't want to be seen with me: Advice?
Wait I am so confused so are y’all married and he’s seeing someone else. Has he always been this way? If he’s always been this way why continue to make things work clearly he doesn’t love you and you are easy ass for him no offense. This isn’t about you or him its about the child you share let her be apart of this party because apparently she’s going to be around a while.
This is very confusing. He’s your spouse, but he’s with another woman? Let me tell you by my own experiences. If a man is “ashamed” of you and won’t introduce you to anybody he knows… He’s definitely having an affair. Kick him to the curb and know your worth. Either go to the party with your daughter, or throw another huge party for her yourself.
As for everybody else here that are being quite cruel, ignore them. They have nothing better to do in their spare time than to cast judgement on others
Hes a liar. U are the secret! He doesn’t want people knowing he still sleeps with u and tells u what he tells u hes is lying to u so u dont take his kid! Get over him and do rt by ur daughter which means letting her have a relationship with her father without u involved.
Let her go to the party its her birthday not yours. Im assuming that yall are not together just fwb. I would stop that as well. Your only going to hurt yourself more and prevent yourself of truly finding a guy that makes you happy.
I would so not let my daughter go to that party. Yes shes only a year old but what is she gonna think seeing daddy with someone who’s not mommy? And who the hell is he to do that to you? Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. Youre not being petty. Youre standing up for yourself.
When you continue to have sexual relations with someone when there is obviously no commitment between the two of you you open the door for disrespect. He does not respect you so you must respect yourself enough to quit allowing him to use you as a doormat. The only contact between the two of you should be about your daughter. Let her attend her party as long as he provides a safe environment for your child.
Spouse or baby daddy? Either way his behavior is not acceptable and you need to move tf on, because he has already found someone to play house and replace you with.
I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but anyone advising you otherwise is just setting you up for further heartbreak.
Cut your losses and create a beautiful life for you and your baby girl, and you will heal from this horrible betrayal.
Big hugs mama, you can do this.
Dump his womanizing ass and sued 
as well for child support. You deserve someone who will love and cherish you’re and your daughter
I’m soooo confused are you all together or just friends that are still legally married? If you are together and he’s messing with some other woman I understand your hurt and you need to get rid of him. If you all are just friends but messing around well girl then stop given him the goods cause he obviously doesn’t respect you so respect yourself enough to end it but don’t punish the child
First off stop sleeping with him. Let her go to the party and enjoy her day. Why punish her? It just sounds like you both need to sit down and have a long conversation about each others commitments to your daughter and what you each expect from one another.
You’re allowing him to use you for sex even though in your words he’s ashamed of you and somehow you’re now upset bc him and his girlfriend want to have a party with the child that both of you created … do you see how petty and crazy you sound ???
Here’s some advice STOP letting him use you as a dump and go ,grow up, respect yourself more and take care of your child. What he does and who it’s with is none of your business just like what you do and with who is none of his as long as the child is happy and healthy that’s all that matters.
Childish… 
it’s his daughter also, if he wants to have his own party for her, so be it. You’re not only being petty by not letting her go, but also being disrespectful towards your daughter. That is her father and you are keeping her from something that could make her extremely happy. You should be ashamed. I’m not trying to bash you but I’m not sorry for this comment either.
I think you already know what you should do but it helps hearing it from others I know. So kick his ass to the curb…you’re better than that and if he and his family wants to come to the party that YOU throw so be it and if not then sounds to me like yall are better off without them.
I’m sorry but if it’s just friendship between the two of you he’s allowed to have other relationships. It’s wrong of him to lead you on but it’s time to let go of what you thought you had with him.
It’s also very immature to keep a child away from a parent. Your daughter can have two birthday parties. Who are you to say he can’t celebrate HIS child’s birthday. I promise you when your daughter grows up she will resent you for withholding a father from her.
The first thing NOT to do, is use the child to get back at him for hurting you. You are no better than he is doing that.
Let her go. The sooner you start the healing process no matter how hard, the better off you will be. Yes i speak from experience. It is going to be hard, but never use the child as your means to hurt him. He is just as much her dad as what you are her mum.
Put on your big girl panties, let him celebrate with his other side piece, and you start healing and rocking life again. You can do it!!! 
Know your worth and everything else will fall into place 
When he tells you WHO he is, believe him. You deserve to be happy, and it won’t happen with him. Be a good mom, but don’t be beside him in ANY way.
Let your daughter go to her party. Move on from him and get child support. Seek counseling as well you need to realize your worth and get your self-esteem back.
Sounds like you are not his main relationship. It’s not that he’s ashamed of you. He’s hiding you because he’s involved with someone. You have to separate your personal relationship with him and his relationship with his daughter. I hope you’re able to move on. The other woman is probably not aware that y’all are “close”….
I hate women who use kids against the man grow up who cares if u weren’t invited why would u want to to go anyway how embarrassing have ur own thing with ur daughter
Go to the party with your daughter and have a blast. Even if you don’t, act like you are. Fake it. If he says you can’t be there then neither can she🤷🏽♀️
Plan your own little party for your baby screw him! Good luck mama
Maybe I’m alone here but if I was in this situation I would do the same thing! I would not allow her to go celebrate her birthday ESPECIALLY WITH SOMEONE THAT MY SPOUSE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH!!! It’s not petty what so ever YOU HAVE A RIGHT AS THAT CHILDS MOTHER TO SAY WHO IS IN HER LIFE PERIOD!!! Of course you’re upset that you weren’t invited why wouldn’t you be??? Sure she’s only 1 but the fact that she is being brought into a situation where she’s got ppl playing a role And ppl you don’t even know around her and you aren’t even aware of it NO WAY!!!
I highly doubt that if any of these moms put in this situation would truly let their child just go JS
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through but you need to disentangle your life from his as much as possible. You are too close to him and have too many emotions involved. So much so that you are denying your daughter a birthday celebration because you weren’t invited. I know it stings and your heart hurts but this man is not going to love you the way you deserve. Stop sleeping with him. Stop calling him your spouse. Sounds like he’s an ex and needs to stay that way.
Don’t let your heart ache become your daughters. Start a tradition between you and her for her birthday every year. Make it special for you two and then let her dad take her for his own celebration.
I hope you heal soon. Good luck.
There is obviously a very strange dynamic here we know nothing about. I have no advice. This seems like an arrangement.
Kick the mongrel to the curb. If it seems wrong, it is wrong. Why be depressed when the signs were so obvious? Take your baby with you and give for custody of her. Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it to!
Time for a divorce. You can do better. If your man doesn’t see you as the best thing he could have and show you off then he isn’t the one. You can find happiness don’t be afraid to leave the situation. Especially since he’s cheating.
If I were in your place I’d move on. He doesn’t seem interested in building a relationship with you. Focus on you and your little family. Maybe you could take online courses, plan on having a career. Eventually, you’ll find someone who does value you. Wish you all the best!
Divorce or go separate ways if not married.
Get rid of him,your letter than him!!!
Dump his ass don’t look back
He clearly doesn’t want you around bc he doesn’t want this chick to know u guys still sleep together. However keeping her from the party won’t help. I think all y’all need to sit down then maybe you’ll feel more comfortable letting your daughter around the gf, he’s prob feeding her so much bullshit. I would stop sleeping with him bc it’s only going to hurt you more. I also would stay strictly to just talking about ur child and that’s it.
I know it’s easier said then done when your hurt. But you will look back months and years from now and be happy you distanced yourself
Why do so many women settle for this crap?! Let him be ashamed. That says all you need to know. Pick your heart up off the floor and move TF on. There’s someone out there that is going to think the sun shines out of your ass. Go find him and leave your child’s father alone. He’s clearly moved on, you should too.
Just go and show up as it is your daughter🤷
I’m so confused. You started out saying “spouse” and now your saying you’re not together just friends? Why do you continue to hurt yourself and allow him to hurt you? He keeps playing with your feelings because you allow it and him back into your bedroom. He is toxic, stop allowing it. You should of planned something with her, you don’t need him to plan something. Adjust your crown and get back on your game, shine bright and make him regret playing with you. Forget about any relationship with him, just co parent the best you can
Let ur daughter go 2 the party no need to hurt her feelings 2… And sweetheart don’t give this asshole the time of day your the 1 who should be ashamed of being seen with him because he has no respect for women period he shouldn’t be sleeping with u while living a whole nother life with some other woman… You don’t want ur daughter to be treated like this so don’t allow yourself to be treated like this ether his lose not yours mama…
First of stop having sex with him. 2nd, don’t let her go to that party! He is showing you that he can’t make great decisions. 3rd, you don’t know them folks ! You can’t trust him! 4th, she’s 1 she ain’t going to remember that party! 5th, that’s your daughter protect her at all times! Even from men who don’t know how to show respect even to the mother of his children. 6th, get out have feelings and throw that baby a party I don’t care If it’s just you and her!
Are you kidding me? Toss him, start your life. Take care of yourself to get your stolen self esteem back, chin up and a glare in your eye!! 
Oh she’d be going, but so would I. My kids birthday like hell I’d miss it.
And never continue sleeping with your ex don’t let them use you like that
he has a girlfriend but still sleeping with you. he is having his cake and eating it too. yes you have his child but you are still his side piece. he does not want anyone knowing you’re still screwing around.
Ditch him asap!! Find someone who actually appreciates you for who you are. Don’t waste time on this looser!!!
Fuck that shit , I’d pack my things and be out and hell no my daughter would not be going to the party
Leave him. You are worth more.
Block his ass and move on sis
Kick his ass to the curb!!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My spouse doesn't want to be seen with me: Advice?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My spouse doesn't want to be seen with me: Advice?
Y’all are not together!!! And he apparently doesn’t want her to find out about you! Grow a spine and move on!!
Don’t punish your daughter for his mistakes. He is still her father. Let her go to the party and throw your own for her. What he did was wrong to you, but he has never harmed your daughter. Set boundaries and stop sleeping with him. I am so sorry that this is happening to you.
Grab your baby and RUN. Ya’ll both deserve so much better. Get out of there !!!
And then take him to court to what you/ she is entitled to. Good luck girl.
I couldnt find the info of any legal tranactions taking place between you and the father… concerning the child…therefore if none has been established…i wouldnt be to quick to let her go…but if he has been a good Dad and supporting her all the time…dont let your emotions deprive her of her Dad…im truly sorry you are dealing with this…but bottom line its your daughters birthday…sometimes aS Moms…we have to put our feelings and disappointments… on the back burner…for the good of our child…and i know it isnt easy…
You know why he doesn’t want to be seen with you, and that’s not your daughters fault. You can’t hold your child from the father because he’s a shitty booty call. Keep your daughter out of the drama you’ve both created.
Yall relationship shouldn’t decide whether he can be in her life or not. You’re sleeping with him and he has a gf. You play silly games win silly prizes. Don’t punish your daughter because you can’t get right.
Everyone is calling her a booty call but she starts out by saying “her spouse”. I’d leave him but let him have his party for his daughter she shouldn’t suffer cuz yall aren’t working out. It’s sucks but you gotta suck it up for her, plan your own party
What are his reasons for not being seen in public with you and why are you still sleeping with a man who is blatantly disrespecting you?
Girlfriend he is no good for you or your self-esteem. Stand in the mirror and see how beautiful you are and move on. There is someone out there who will love you flaws and all.
Please dont allow that , find your worth. Take back your power. Stop sleeping with him. Dont ever allow it. What you allow is what will continue. Hugs
Even though he has lied to you, don’t let your personal feelings get in the way of him being a father. That’s where the bitterness comes in. If he wants to go, let him and you heal. Find time to set boundaries and higher standards for yourself not just for you, for your baby also. I wish you luck. I promise once you let that hurt go you will feel unfuckwitable 
I am sorry, but this guy has no respect for you and don’t let your daughter grow up thinking this is acceptable behavior from a so called man, someone that really loves you would not treat you that way , you need to leave or make him leave
you need a solicitor…and now…because in his mind you are just the mother of one of his children…they come and they go…You need child support…for your child with him…because he will move on…This is a big warning sign…
Stop sleeping with him. And waiting around for nothing. Plan her party for ur time and let him have his. He drew his line. And ur letting him have his cake and eat it too.
Find someone who’s proud to be with you and appreciates you. Set boundaries, but don’t stop him from seeing his daughter if he’s been good to her. That’s just cruel, and two wrongs don’t make a right.
Oh no I’m so sorry. I can tell your hurting so bad. It’s time to move on and find someone who will love you for you. You deserve so much better. I would not allow her to go
First off, you called him your “spouse,” but never mentioned being married to him. If he hasn’t made the commitment to marry you, he’s your boo, or your baby daddy - NOT your SPOUSE. If he is ashamed to be seen with you, then you should decide not be BE with him. Get your head right, love and respect yourself, and understand this man does not deserve your energy any longer. Don’t keep him from his child, however, but guard your heart. He doesn’t love or respect you enough. Keep it moving. Good luck.
You are letting him have power over you. Stop sleeping together and set up boundaries with him. He doesn’t have any respect for the mother of his child. Time to let him go.
I think she should be able to go to her own birthday party and you should have your own separate party. It’s not fair to her if you keep her from her dads party. It sounds like you have so much resentment towards him but it’s overflowing onto her childhood experience. Put it away and move on.
Place daughter above all. She will learn what is appropriate treatment from how you allow yourself to be treated. Model something that looks like love, value, honor and respect whether you are with someone or not.
You are upset because he is an ex and you are crossing boundaries- dig deep and let it go - dont be his side chick live your own life and put your daughter first regardless of the situation - you need some self esteem and you wont get it from the babies father its up to u !!
Let the man celebrate his childs birthday, plan your own. Do not place the value of yourself in what he thinks of you. So he doesn’t want to be seen with you, then he is not worthy of you and your time but id he wants to be a part of your childs life you need to allow that.
I think there needs to be more explanation… So are you and him together but you’ve just found out he’s seeing someone else? Are you not together and he has moved on? What is the story? Either way, it is wrong to punish your child to punish him. The only person you’d be hurting is your child.
I agree with Roberta. Your putting your own feelings ahead of what’s best for your daughter. You two aren’t together so separate birthdays and holidays are a given. All my kids have 2 celebrations for everything. Time to move on. Don’t punish your daughter for your own hurt.
Girl. Move on. He clearly has and all you’re doing is hurting yourself. Stop sleeping with him. Raise your standards. Pick your chin up. And move on.
Why is he embarrassed? You guys aren’t together. I personally wouldn’t let the baby go but I’m also petty 
how is he gonna continue to sleep with you and see someone else and bring your daughter around her? I would tell the other girl what’s been going on if she doesn’t already know. He sounds like a dog and your baby is in the middle of it.
I’m confused, the man is her spouse or strictly her child’s father? It says “spouse” and also mentions that she still sleeps with him? But has a new girlfriend? This is just a mess all around and if it’s real then you know what you need to do…
First of all. Have a birthday party with your neighbors who also have young children. Dump him, he’s not good for your daughter or you. FIND someone who can be with you and your daughter
Walk away he is psychologically abusing you.
Stop being a booty call when it’s convenient for him. Let the man go. He’s not worth destroying your self esteem and constantly feeling like he’s ashamed of you.
He’s ashamed of you because he’s cheating on his partner with you. Cut him off.
Send your daughter to the party her father is throwing and throw your own with people that value you.
Stop chasing someone that doesn’t love you.
I’m so confused how is he your spouse if he has another girlfriend? He certainly sounds like a nasty individual if he is involved with two women, for your daughters sake i think you need to lead by example and show some respect for yourself!!! Cut this guy lose, let him be your daughters dad but nothing else, he has zero respect for you!!
He dont want you to let it slip your still sleeping together, its not that he doesn’t want to be seen with you. He carnt he’s a cheat and your now the other woman. Or shes the other woman if he still lives with you eaither way hes a cheat and you need to stop sleeping with him, Dress yourself up and enjoy yourself. His loss. As for childs birthday let her go, you get your hair done, and the next day you take your child out somewhere nice.
I’m sorry for the emotional turmoil you’re going through. However you lost me at “he planned an entire party with a woman he’s seeing”!!! You thought you had a decent relationship??? Move on and kick his ass to the curb. Don’t be surprised if he wants you back-men tend to want things they can no longer have. You deserve respect but first you need to respect yourself. I wish you all the best.
I feel you. The father of my daughter did this to me long time ago. I left with him. I raise my child alone. After 5years he came back to arrange our relationship but it’s too late. My wounds heal I don’t have feelings with him. Be strong. Please pray it will be pass. Time can heal
Let your daughter have her relationship with her father. It is important for her future emotional development. When she grows up, she will remember your kindness instead of your bitterness and will be proud of you.
He doesn’t want to be seen with you because he’s cheating on his girlfriend with you. You’re just as much to blame as he is.
Stop sleeping with him for sure because that’s not healthy for either one of you if you aren’t BOTH planning on getting back together. Also, like others have said just because he lied to you don’t let that get in the way of him being a dad. I understand he’s probably a dirtbag as far as relationships go or at least has been to you. I get it… But, No matter how bad he hurts your feelings if you’re Child is happy and he’s trying to be a decent father then please let him.
Find a good lawyer and get out of that situation because he is already halfway out. It is not petty to want to celebrate your child’s birthday together and you should not settle for this kind of treatment.
This post is very confusing, the headline states he is your spouse, yet in the body you say you are friends (with benefits??), and you mention he is seeing someone else.
My interpretation is that you are not married but have a “friends with benefits” relationship in which you had a child. He has found someone, which he is obviously serious about being he wats to keep you a secret and continue using you as a side piece.
First of, if he is a responsible father, let him have his time with his daughter, you have your own celebration for her.
Second, find some self-worth, some pride and stop letting him use you for sex.
Third, get a life away from him…go out and make friends, if it’s hard for you start by maybe volunteering at places, this is a good way to start, until you build up some self confidence.
Keep in mind, your actions are a bad example for your children. You do not want yoir daughter to think this is okay in a relationship.
Please don’t depend on your spouse. If he doesn’t have real feeling just let him go. You should find the way to upgrade yourself and enjoy the beautiful life with your little one. God bless you and your family. Stay strong 
Honestly nothing you can do if he has moved on. Not everyone is going to be mature in this situation.
Need to talk to him and say it’s important we celebrate her birthday together its about her not us and having both her parents for her special day.
If you can’t you can always do your own thing fun day with mom, it will still be special.
I wouldn’t hold me child from having a party or enjoying a fun time. Because I’m upset or hurting its not fair to the child.
It can be tuff but her feelings come first.
Let your daughter go, that’s not her fault. Don’t let her miss out on a great birthday party because you’re hurt. However, you have every right to be hurt, but don’t let that get in the way of your child. Let him go and find your peace.
Your spouse or your child’s father? Big difference. Obviously he isn’t your spouse… Or you would have met people in your life when You got married, most likely. He is just your child’s father. That gives you no dibs on him just because you have a kid together. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that’s how it is. All you are is baby mama. He is obviously moved on in his life with someone else and uses you for a back up. My advice to you would be to cut him off immediately, remain cordial for your childs sake and don’t plan on doing things for major milestones for your child with him. He’s using you. Move on with your life and find someone who is going to raise you up and put you and your child first
Let him have the other woman. Obviously he has no good intentions towards you. Let him be a father to his daughter. Take time to find yourself & your worth before finding another man. Be still & let God show you that you don’t have to have a man to be a woman but can have one when you are ready & on your terms.