I work full-time M-S from 9-6. We currently live at my SO’s family members’ house because of a situation that caused us to move out. We or I was planning on moving into an apartment shortly after. However, my SO does not work, nor is he looking for work. He sits home all day and pretends he’s doing something useful by doing “research” on how to start a business, and what do we know, seven months later and we are still living with his family. I clean, do our laundry, cook, help his parents financially, and (I know… I give in.) give him money when he asks, I take care of everything. I paid his car off; I pay his bills. I am so exhausted and have been wanting to start going to the gym and getting myself healthier mentally and physically, but he makes me feel like I just want to give up. I was going to renew my membership today, but instead, I had to pay for everything. To top it all off, he’s not even that nice to me. He’s not mean, but he’s not affectionate or loving very often, and I’m very intimate/touchy/lovey. I lack that from him, among many other things, and I feel like I don’t know what to do anymore. I really want just to leave but I can’t. I just can’t. Today we fought because I paid $300 for his payments today, and I still have my student loans, bills and other stuff to buy and he decided to buy beer and smokes; when I said something about it and how it made me feel, he freaked out at me and made me feel horrible. I’m sitting in the bathroom crying because when I cry, he fights me even more, and I just don’t have the energy anymore. I honestly feel so alone, and I’m not even 25 years old yet.
How did you allow him to ever become your spouse?
Give him a time table on when he either has to get a job for his family or when you will stop paying his bills and moving out on your own.
Put your foot down. No more money for smokes and beer. No more paying his stuff
Why are you allowing yourself to be used and treated this way? You bet your sweet tooshie you CAN leave. You just WON’T. Read what you wrote and if you’re asking a bunch of strangers for advice, you already know the answer. You just don’t want to pull the plug. You’re too young to settle for this garbage.
That isn’t a man, that’s another child you’re taking care of. You don’t need to carry dead weight
Leave him and don’t give him money and don’t pay his bills.
You know you want better and you deserve better. Is this what you want for yourself in life? In five years would you be ok being exactly where you are? Time to focus on yourself. You’re already thriving on your own so take the leap of faith girl and leave. Time to be happy.
Hes lazy and taking advantage of you get out while you still can
Please message me!
You already know the answer to ur question girl
Don’t pay for his bills. He’s a grown ass man and should be paying his own bills. My husband and I have separate banks accounts so that we can pay our own individual bills and a joint account for household bills. If either of us runs out of money or can’t pay a personal bill, oh fucking well. Budget money better.
Stop condoling this man child. He will never get a job if he is financially secure bc you are paying everything. Cut his ass off! And if he throws a fit or threatens you, leave. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
You already know what you need to do. Don’t allow yourself to be treated badly by a loser.
All I can say is I got half way through that and was too annoyed to finish. I’m a single mom, and id rather continue to do so than live like That. Save up and stop giving him money. Look into starting a parenting plan so you can present it when you tell him you’re moving out-Alone and with the kids. That’s my advice.
What you allow is what will continue.
I read the first line didnt need anymore be done!
Go babe! Go. You’re better then that.
Leave!!! Leave quickly!!! Dont ruin yourself… pay off your own debt and get yourself situated!!!
Leave. He sounds like a loser, acting all childish.
been there done that!!!
Hes using u- he wont change!!! It was a no brainer for me- no regrets
Girl just stop paying his bills get your own place and tell him he can’t move in unless he gets a job and helps with the bills (if you even still want to be with him) if he doesnt bother then clearly he just was using you for your money and what you could provided for him. But you should really do this soon before you end up adding a baby into the mix if there isnt already any kids you didnt say so but either way you for sure need to put your foot down or it will just continue forever and possibly get worse. 🤷
Leave!! You have your whole life in front of you…get out now, you deserve 1000% better…go now, and don’t look back!
You need to stand up for yourself. Sorry to be so blunt, but unless you want to continue to ALLOW this to happen for the rest of your life…take yourself and your stuff, your dignity and your pride, your youth and your sanity, and LEAVE. You say you can’t, but you can. There’s nothing stopping you but your heart and he rips it out everyday. It’s not gonna stop til you change it sweetheart. Woman up and move on to what you need and deserve. Life is too damn short.
Sweetheart, get a real man!!! You deserve someone who wants to give you the world. Take care of you.
He doesnt love you, hes using you. Get out now before you’re 5 yrs in and completely in debt…more than you are.
Cut your losses now and get the hell out of there. I speak from nearly an identical experience. Do not wait till you’ve wasted years of your life, go now.
You literally answered your own questions with everything u put down… you can clearly hold your own. Get that apartment do not tell him then go when u get the keys
He will never work as long as you are paying for everything and taking care of him! Kick him to the curb, you deserve better.
You gotta go…take your money and go…
What’s the question? Sounds pretty easy to figure out what you need to do
Leave him and let his parents continue to care for him. You work too hard to deal with his childish games. He should be working too so you can spend more time with your child. I dumped my child dad when he kept losing job after job and when I was in hospital wouldnt leave my side. Told him to go to work and he wouldnt.
Leave, been there done that. They don’t change and they use and use until you have nothing left to give and then what happens? They leave you and you’re left to dig yourself out of a hole. Wash your hands and move on. You need a man, not a boy to raise!
Don’t waist your youth on that tragedy…
Leave him! Don’t look back
It will be hard to start with but you can do this!
Leave. You don’t have a man you have an infant. And you sure as heck want to leave before you guys have a child.
If you are able to handle all the finances including his as well as help his parents financially then you can afford to live on your own. Take your stuff, kids if they are involved and bounce. You can’t force him to change but you can set a standard for yourself. Nothing wrong with an independent woman who can handle business and trust me I’m sure you will find someone who will appreciate that instead of wanting to use you as a sugar mama
I would get out asap. They are using you to foot their bills and leave you high and dry. STOP paying for and doing everything, There are places you can go for help…friends, your family, shelters, etc. Just get out now before it’s too late
First step is to stop paying for him. Second step is to get out of there. Third step is to move on & heal.
Best of luck!!
Introduce his ass to the curb
Hate to tell you…but he DOESN’T love you…he is USING you.
No kids involved. Run, get up now and go!!
Girl… you deserve better.
It’s a dead end relationship. Leave him and move on
Get out. Don’t look back.
Sounds like you would be better off in a place of your own WITHOUT him
You are alone hun get up and leave!!
Run and don’t look back! Tell him to get off his butt and pay his own way.
Why? Does he have a magic penis? GTFO of there! He’s not worth all that.
Honey he will never get a job or do anything as long as you’re enabling him. Why should he? You need to put on your big girl panties and move out. You’re being played. I know its not easy, but you’ll look back on it someday, and realize how stupid you were for staying. Prayers for you. You got this!!
Nothing is stopping you except yourself. He is using you and so is his family. Run
I see no mention of any children so how is this parenting related?
Leave. You deserve better. Just leave. Drop the dead weight.
Lol girl ur rediculous u already know the answer.
I think u need to dump a list of chores in his hand every day. 2 hours min of working on his resume. If hes done doing that then he should be 2 hrs out of the house passing out his resume to jobs. If he dont then dump and
You’re not responsible for anyone but yourself and kids if any. If it has been THIS long, he wont change unless you see he is actively job searching. If you choose not to leave him, may I suggest not paying HIS Bill’s? And maybe only pay rent based off solely you? Is the vehicle that you paid off in your name or his? If you have your own vehicle and the vehicle he uses is in your name, sell.it. he obviously don’t need it. Dont do his laundry, or cook, or anything for him. Pretend that he is your roommate. He will eventually learn to do what he needs to do. As far as the affection, unfortunately I dealt with the same thing. some men are more affectionate than others.
He think he have gold plated penis ,can’t be duplicated ,omg ,wth ,I can’t see it hon !!!
ifyou want a different life you will have to leave him. You have already proven that you can take care of yourself. Do not let him make you feel bad because you wanted to do the right thing. Get out asap. he is abusing you!
Run!!! U deserve better!!
U don’t have children yet u have a grown child girl run and run fast get urself a better situation anything sounds better than ur current situation ! He is a user n will never change run !
Girl, you’re not a babysitter. He has a mom, let her keep the baby sitting take those good shoes and walk
Run before you end up pregnant… Get out now!!!
Sounds like you got a child to raise
I would not be with a man-child who wants to be at home with his mommy. Either he steps up and be the man you need him to be or I would be gone. It also sounds like you both want different things in the relationship, that is usually the cause of it deteriorating. Talk with him about what you need, go to marriage counseling, get on the same page. Either you 2 want to be together and will work and fight for it or you want different things and go your separate ways.
He is getting use to getting his way. Hes been allowed to be a slacker and he wins by making u feel like shit. That’s not right.
Bring it up…tell him you need an adult conversation to happen because you are too stressed out carrying him on your back. Tell him he must have a job in X amount of time, or your gone. He can take a job at a tim hortons or anyplace while he does this "research ". Hes a slacker and he wants someone to take care of him. He luves at home with mommy, and he has YOU to give him money, pay off HIS stuff etc. STOP PAYING FOR THINGS IN HIS NAME. PERIOD. he will make you go into debt. Get yourself a little 1 bedroom apartment and leave. Dont let him win by making you feel bad when he is the one who’s being a lazy sake of garbage.
Tell him…you have ____ time to get your shit together or I’m gone. AND FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT). you dont need a man child ontop of having a kid, full time work, bills and being a bad ass bitch who dont need no man. Gurl…go listen to some Lizzo…and move your self along girl. Xo
Leave now!! Stop paying other people’s bills and save your money so you can get an apartment away from him. He won’t change. Good luck
Leave and dont look back. You deserve a lot better and if he still hasn’t tried to help financially after 7 months he dont want to. Plus he is an emotional abuser who drinks. I was in a relationship like this for 3 yrs only thing is my ex had a job. I’m telling you from experience it dont get better till you do something for yourself.
Dump his sorry worthless ass.
Leave. You deserve better. You will find better!!! Go get you, your own apartment the right one will come along. Dont settle girl. The first few weeks will sting I know but its alot better then being with someone that doesnt appreciate you or value you. Go build you life girl without him!
Is your name on his bills? Stop paying them. Save the money you worked for and GTFO.
Honey move to that apartment your self your taking care of your self now and all them people just go you dont need him
You can do it! You MUST do it! Think with your head and not your heart!! It will be hard, damn hard!! Trust me, I know… but man oh man is it worth it!!! Put on your big girl panties and leave!
I would leave. You are responsible for yourself and your kids. Not his lazy ass because he wants to be a leech
You need to gather the strength and leave. You don’t owe him anything. Get yourself an apartment and start a new chapter.
You need to leave… This is not ok and i think you know just holding on. I promise it will be hard at first but you will be so “free” and you will feel it. Its actually better you dont have any kids yet! Id just go!
Leave! Now! He is just using you. He knows he doesn’t have to to work or anything because you will do it for him. Why would he even try to change when he can treat you poorly and not try to contribute and you keep on doing everything for him. Things will not get better.
Ummm… zero children to tend to?! Then he has ZERO reasons to be home unemployed.
Ask him for this business he seems to want to start, where is he going to come up with the money to advertise and buy the needed things to run this said business??
He needs to pull him self back into reality and get a J.O.B
Stop paying for extras that he requests and lite a fire under his bum!
That’s called financial abuse he’s just using it stop paying his bills first pay all your stuff first and let him know he needs to start being a adult
You know your situation. I was in a similar situation for years!! They do not change unless they are willing. I still wonder but I went ahead and moved on. I’m loving life!!
Well you might as well wipe his ass too because he’s basically taking a shit on you daily!! Get the hell out now get a studio or one bedroom apartment just leave already. You can do bad by yourself honestly that’s a phrase I hate because usually we do way better when we let go of the anchor holding us down. Your baby daddy needs a mom not a woman. You just became his new adopted parent.
He’s his mama’s widdle boy. Let her have him! Go find a grown man and eventually have your own little boy. If you have children in that flaming hot mess, they will grow up to be just like him because you will have to fight him and his mother for every breath you take.
Quit paying for HIS shit! Worry about yourself! Seems like he doesn’t worry bout anyone but himself anyway. He doesn’t t even try. Quit paying for his shit, tell him to get a job and pay his own ahit, and if he tries to blame you fight you blah blah fuckin leave. If he doesnt want to change then he wont. If he wants to be a lazy ass bum living off of his parents for the rest of his life that’s his choice but it doesnt have to be yours. Emotionally it fucking sucks I know. Been through that shit girl… it’s hard to leave someone you love but sometimes you gotta do what’s best for you and your kids. Think of you and your kids first girl. Itll be okay you will figure out what is best for you! Keep your head up and good luck!
Is this truly the life you want.? Lazy POS the fact that you’re even writing this is ridiculous. You already know what to do you don’t need everybody’s permission to do that. You couldn’t possibly be that desperate that you would settle for this.
Leave him there. For real! Go on with your life. Stop taking care of a bom. Please go! Save your self while you can. If you can afford to do all of that, you can do a whole lot better for your self sweetie.,
Run. Do not walk. Run as fast as you can. Stop enabling. It will get worse. You deserve better.
One word for you…LEAVE!
Leave hes a sponge you deserve better!
DUMP HIM. he’s a fucking bum and obviously always will be.
You need no have to get rid of his ass or he will drag you down even more , that is what leaches do. GOOD LUCK
I’m like a few of these people in say that I would leave too. He is just using you for the money and doesn’t care about what you need or want. I just went through this with a family member using me for not just money but whatever they could get from me. I put my foot down and said NO MORE! If he really cared about you, he would get a job and he wouldn’t treat you badly either.
Oh darling! You have so much more life to live and love to give at 25 years old! Get to it!.. with someone else who will return the same!
Leave, leave him at his parents because that’s all he’s going to be. A man-child. I left the same situation little over 2 years ago… Best decision I ever made
Get out! Don’tpay his bills anymore!
Single dad of 2 young girls here telling you to move on so you can have room in your life for good people
Why would he work if you’re going to keep making excuses for his bad behavior? Time to own your part and stop covering for him. If you want a healthy relationship then it’s time for a major change.
Tell him BYE… you can be broke by your self.
I would leave he is just bluding off you and you could have so much more
Leave now. Like now now. Your under 25 leave. Please take everyones advice. Ans go find someone who appreciates you
You are going to be in for a lifetime of hurt amd suffering if something doesn’t change… you deserve better. Can you move out on your own? Im not saying leave him altogether, only you can decide that, but maybe you moving out on your own would help the situation somehow
That sounds like a black hole, you deserve better and you’ll find someone who appreciates and cherishes you
Oh my goodness…leave!!!