My spouse never cleans up or buys things for the baby: Shouldn't he know these things?

My SO doesn’t feel the need to clean up anything or bypasses everything that needs cleaned up in the house. He will wait until I complain for him to help me. Then he gets mad because I complained. He doesn’t buy the baby anything it’s always me getting diapers, formula and clothes. He says I should tell him when the baby needs more diapers or bigger clothes or when the formula runs low. Do I really need to be telling him these things?! Shouldn’t he be responsible himself to know when the baby needs things?

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I have always said if he can help make the baby he can help raise the baby. It’s not hard for him to look and say hey we need more of this or of that n go get it.

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Shut down the candy store…

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My ex did the same. Then decided he didn’t need to work at all and just sat on his ass all day playing video games while I worked 40+ hours a weeks, then gets a attitude when I ask him when he’s going to get a job. So hun dump him he’s not good for you emotionally.

Keep a note pad and when each of u notice the baby needs some thing right it down and if u notice the baby need things before he does why not just tell him

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Men are often “DUH”. You may have to tell him when. They don’t think like us.

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Just tell him you need stuff and if you do most of the baby work hes not gonna know sadly , my hubby was the same way for a while cause i was breastfeeding and when i stopped , i was like um we need shit and hes like well just tell me and ill get it and bam 💁 solved the worlds problems :joy::joy: some just dont know 💁

Are you married?? Is he the father of the child?? Do you work or are you a stay at home mom? If the child is both of yours tel him to get off his ass and be a better parent.

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Who is the full-time caregiver of bub? If it’s you then just realize that he may bot be as aware of whats needed. It seems he is willing to help, just not sure what to do. Don’t make a rod for your your own back /relationship by finding fault, teach him . Ask and accept his help. Let him grow into the position of perfect dad.

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He should it would be nice but don’t hold your breathe! Sounds like your job your gonna have to make this one of your mom jobs and just bite your tongue pick your battles some things aren’t worth the battle! I always took care of all my kids wants and needs when the kids get older they know which one to go to for when they want something !

Try communicating instead of complaining

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Get a little white board for the fridge and write stuff on there that you need and see if that helps.

Men are different creatures than women, you might want to pick your battles on this one.

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Get a grip and get a proper man :+1:

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Male brain. Get a white board and make lists of what is needed and maybe even stuff that needs to be done around the house.

sounds like your a nagger

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If he was capable of being a team that pulled their half of the load, he’d already be doing it.

He’s not into this 50/50. Are you into this 100/0? bad choices, baby sperm donors do not good partners make. Ladies, mothers, girls, a person unwilling to make a commitment to you is a bad choice. You love him, does he love you?

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Men are stupid so yes u have to tell them everything write a list and say don’t come back without these things … maybe even a chore list lol they r like children and have to be guided most of them anyways

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Sounds like you’re raising two kids…

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Men do not think like women. Men are wired to be the hunter/protector. If you need him to pick something up or do a household chore write it down. Men can’t read minds. Life is short - pick your battles :slight_smile:

If men are natural protectors…what are they protecting if they have to told what to do, make a list for them, lead them on a leash so they know what’s going on…that’s not a protector. That’s someone who comes in after the fact. They do this on purpose. If a man is truly a man and protector…he would actively participate. We teach our daughters not to be treated this way from a man…if your man expects you to be his queen…he needs to be your king.

Yes, he is not a mind reader. If you tell him on a regular, he will have a better idea what the day to day needs are.

Then I would tell him.

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Him knowing when the baby needs things honestly all depends on how hands on he is with baby! If he helps change and feed the baby and dress baby then he should know when things are getting low or snug, however if he doesnt do these things he honestly probably doesn’t realise when its low or snug! As for messes some guys honestly think that women do it all! Maybe instead of ‘complaining’ ask him if he will do things (not that you should actually have to but it might help with his attitude)! My husband doesnt change diapers, clothe the kids or anything so he would honestly need me to tell him when things are needed! However he does keep an eye on them for me to run to the store or take a shower or whatever is needed and if a diaper needs changed in that time he will usually do it but it still doesnt tell him if we are running low on things! Also my husband doesnt pay attention to things laying around unless it’s in his way which then he will clean it without me saying anything but sometimes men have on track minds as to what they are doing and dont always pay attention to things (even mess and clutter) but if I ask him to do something he usually is pretty good about it without complaining or getting agitated! Maybe you can sit down and have a conversation about how your feeling about these things! Good luck mama!

Well, do you have him feed the baby, change the diapers, pack diaper bags and so on? If he isn’t doing that , then hes not going to see the low supplies.

Parenting is a team effort if yall dont want to go crazy. You are a tired momma, take a deep breath and tell him when things are low. It’s the only way he knows to help.

He doesn’t have our mother instincts. He needs to be told and hes told you that. Work with him and take what you can get.

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Most boys and young men do not learn how to do these things, most day care workers and babysitters are girls/women. I think asking him what he did learn about and letting him know how important it is to help out. Not all women know how to repair a car or do big repairs on a home, and it wouldn’t be fair for a man who does know to be critical about his girlfriend or wife who does not. If he refuses to help or learn, then that is another conversation.

Most likely , yes you do need to be telling him , as frustrating as this does get .
Re the shopping , as you are probably the one spending more time with the baby , he is most likely not aware when these things are needed .
So maybe , you need to write him a list .
As to the cleaning , many men just do not see that it needs doing & as woman , we generally tend to want this attended to straight away., while a lot of men will ** get to it ** when they are ready .
Let him be responsible for certain areas & you take care of others .

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Absolutely he should know these things on his own, but he doesn’t. So it’s up to you to tell him that you’re not raising him, you’re raising his child and he needs to do his part. Good luck

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Tell him. Guys are guys lol they don’t always know when that stuff is running low.

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Sorry but this page is just turning into a I hate my hubby page…any other topics?? **Aimed at page NOT the individuals posting

If he’s not the one feeding or changing all the diapers he’s not gonna know when you’re out…
maybe instead of getting the point you want to complain ask for help sooner and he just might ?

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Why dont you just ask him or tell him when things are low on supply? Not all guys are that way though. I got lucky with my husband and he always has been the one to buy that stuff without me asking. As for the cleaning, just ask or tell him.

Instead of complaining about picking things up, tell how you love that when he helps in the house or the specific thing. Helping you helps with making life easier for both of you. Throw the anger or resentment out and come at it with LOVE. Men don’t think like women and when you understand how they think, you can then communicate better and be happier.

Tell him to lift his game or kick the idiot out

He seems unobservant but instead of nagging place a white erase board of things he may need to get while out or things to do around the house. I would talk to him about joint chores as its both your house
I used an example of living w roommates he wpuld be expected to share chores, its the same respect for a spouse!

Men dont realize this stuff u shld definitely not have to tell him but u shld lol

He’s a man, yes you gotta tell him. Yes you gotta tell him to clean or do anything. Yes it’s frustrating being after him so much. A husband is like another child. I don’t know why they’re like that. I have been with my husband almost 17 yrs and i still gotta tell him to do things. I’m hoping he would know by now that things needs to be done in the house but unfortunately i think it’s a man thing smh. He shouldn’t argue about doing things around the house. It’s not just your job, it’s both. Maybe stop doing things for him like cooking and washing his clothes etc. Tell him you don’t have time for those things. And for him to do it himself.

I tell mine when we need stuff but he also helps too. More so if you just up and leave for a couple hours or for the day. Everyday till he learns. Then you get to ask if it sucks to do everything yourself when you got all these health problems like I do. Make em cry. They are raised to believe that all that work is for the woman and all the man does is work. Lol except this one dude I know. He doesn’t work and expects the older children to handle the babies while he sits on his butt playing video games. His girlfriend works and doesn’t realize she just needs to leave his slacking ass.

You definitely have to tell him. Keep it simple

Telling him is going to be less of a headache than getting mad that he needs to be told. When you’re 3 days away from needing formula or diapers… Tell him you need formula and diapers in the next 2 days… When you take the baby for a bath… tell him how helpful it would be if he could clean things up while you give the baby a bath etc. Make him feel helpful, not nagged. He’s communicating that he needs you to prompt him… it may not be what you want to hear, but listen to him as you wish he would listen to you. You’re partners.

I’m pretty sure there are other things that you can fight about just tell him what you need him to get at the store. Also have you tried not complaining about the housework but maybe make it into like a reward base thing. :rofl: kiss on him after, grab his booty be playful with him so he’ll want to do more of it maybe, guys want the instant gratification for doing something even if you do it every day. Say thank you afterwards… I bet it would go a long way.

Men don’t really have to think about multiple things. Unfortunatly most women do.
I’m certain that of you let them know they would be glad to get the stuff.
It’s just we don’t want to have to do it all.

Maybe he should know… but why don’t you just make it easier on yourself and not live with that resentment? Just tell him. Compromize a little and you may find a healthier way for both of you to live :wink: There are some things some men (not all are the same) won’t get no matter how hard you try. If he is willing to provide when asked… ask.

Don’t complain just simply ask him to help or go get them. No, he shouldn’t know. Guys are clueless lol and I don’t mean that in a bad way. Like moms, dads have a lot on their minds as well. Work, bills, ect

Men are like children. Make him a chore chart lol.

Sorry to say but if he’s saying he wants you to tell him then please tell him :+1:

He should pay attention to what is needed in the house aswell its a partnership he lives there aswell so its his responsibility aswell not just urs x

I wouldn’t clean up or get anything for him…better yet, kick his ass to the curb. Real men jump in and help and notice. He’s detached and accused you of nagging, you ain’t got time for that shit.

I always tell my husband even though he knows… He forgets sometimes

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Depends, are you a stay at home mom? If so then it’s part of your “job” not fair necessarily. But if you both work half falls on him for shopping. I prefer shopping because I pick the brands that make sense and work better. Him, he just grabs and I’m left with a soaking baby during the night who wont calm down. Why dont you try setting a reoccurring day to shop? That way its routine and he will remember better

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Easier life just to ask him as far as the buying goes. But the housework depends on ur set up ie stay st home or are you both out working did he do it before baby arrives

If its something he is used to you taking control of and dealing with then he wont think to do it. Especially if youve been that way since before the baby was born.

Men dont think like women most of the time. Most need reminders. Needing reminders isnt a bad thing if they do it when asked. So YES. ether ask, or get used to doing it. 🤦🤦🤦

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If he don’t feed the baby and isn’t changing diapers or cloth then yes you need to tell him how else will he know tell him you wouldn’t have to tell him anything if he helped more with the baby

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Sounds like you have 2 kids you’re taking care of.

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Tell him you need him to be a partner, to equally take part in raising your family. You want to be his partner not his parent. You want him to look around and see what needs to be done and help. You don’t want to nag to get help. Most importantly communicate this all to him. Tell him how it makes you feel. Then give him a chance to step up.

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Men aren’t wired the same way we are , they need reminders and occasionally need to be nagged at to help clean. No one likes cleaning but it need to be done and that’s what you should tell him. he should be helping, just try to politely ask him to wash the dishes or go run a load of laundry. “Can you go run a load of laundry please so I can get the dishes done” or something like that. As long as he’s not complaining about have to help get baby necessities then I would just remind him or make a list to send with him. I’m a stay at home mom so I occasionally just make a list to send with him when he takes the baby to go shopping so I can have a little break. Just find a way that works for you guys. Don’t make mountains out of mole hills, he’s a guy their all a pain in one way or another lol :heart:

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Yes you need to inform the other parent when things are running low or the next size clothes is needed.

Mine will clean without being asked. but he knows I’m not he’s maid, I will not pick up dirty clothes off the floor, and if he wants me to wash them while he’s gone all day then they will be in the hamper.

He puts all his dirty dishes in the sink!

Vacuums every other day and does all the outside chores and taking care of the cats and turtles

Yes. Men are dumb. My husband can’t even remember his own age. I had to correct him when the doctor asked how old he was. He was off a year.

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I run the house, so I often have to tell my husband what I need done. Occasionally he complains, but he knows better. I make the grocery list, but he does the shopping (I inevitably spend more when I go), so he buys all the baby stuff. Essentially, we each have our regular chores, and then I ask for what I need on top of that, and sometimes he even sees something (kids clothes or a towel on the floor, or stuff sitting on the steps to go up or down) and he’ll take the initiative, but not always. The regular chores are usually easy. No one has to ask. I do the laundry, he does the trash. I cook & do dishes, he cleans up the table & leftovers. I scoop litter and do cat meds, he does dry food and water. I will say, he’s my partner way more often than he’s my 3rd child. lol. But then again, I demanded he be a partner. There was a time when he wasn’t, I said to him, “If I get good at doing this on my own, what do I need you for? Imma get the money either way. I’d rather have a partner.” So stop asking for help and start demanding it. Give him a list of things you want him to be in charge of. The stuff he can take off your plate. That way, if he’s in charge of diapers and diapers run out, that’s on him, and he better fix it. If he doesn’t, duct tape the baby into his favorite tshirts until he brings diapers home… which is how you stop asking and start demanding.

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Unfortunately most me aren’t raised to help out, they are totally clueless they need trained

LOL my children would be naked with no clean clothes or food if I didn’t text my hubby with what when need. Make him a list or send him a text he’s gold. I run the show here and if I need help I ask if not he assumes I have it handled

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Men’s brains are wired completely different then us women. They need reminded or flat out asked.

My husband never knew. I just told him. It was easier. Now if I need something I shoot him a text so he can grab it on the way home

I find it easier to just communicate

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Honestly I’m the one that does all the cleaning and stuff cause he works a lot. And I really don’t mind I just stay on top of everything. I guess it’s just a habit. On his way home from work if we are running low on something I just tell him to go by the store to get it.

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Sounds like a typical man to me :woman_shrugging:t3: mine is like that… expect he does buy all baby stuff because I let him know what is needed

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Men Re born. That way.then moms help it along.lol

Men need to be directed.

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All these excuses for men! No he should not be like this he should know what his child needs and wants. On top of him nurturing and teaching his child! This is perfect example of how to raise your son into a man/father one day! You guys should be on the same page! Talk to him let him know how u feel!

There are plenty of single dad’s that make it work… So, tell him to quit being lazy!

No honey you need to tell him r continue to but everything!

Sad reality is doesn’t matter how smart some men are, they can be amazingly clueless.
I’m still learning to live with that. Us women expect small things without having to say it and it makes us feel special. You could literally make a book for men on this subject and somehow they still wouldn’t get it.

My husband doesn’t even know when he needs TP in his bathroom til its gone… just saying

My rule at my house I clean I do dishes sweep mop and cook but if you make a mess or spill something you clean it yourself and if I see trash someone left on counter best belive ill get who ever left it and make them clean it makes my job easier and I tell my so when we are low on things I do 90% of the care bit he works alot 12 hour days 6-7 days a week Saturday next Saturday he works both jobs and will be workimg 18-19 hours that day if I need something and he has to go to work he just leaves the money and I go and get it or if we can he gets it on way home

They are ALL stupid and yes they need to be told ! Lol

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Tell him what you expect, men are not very smart.

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Yes he needs to be told :joy::joy: smh. As far as not helping…that sux and he needs to do better. You’re not a maid you’re mate. Eff that

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We share bank account so I just go and get what I need BUT if we didn’t I would have to tell him whenever we run out of things. Men don’t pay attention to those types of things :woman_facepalming:

Bless dad this is a new world to them on the kid front ! If u tell him wen the milk is opened we need a replacement ! Once I explained it my hubby got it x

You have to tell them. They are not mind readers…nor do they pay attention.

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Men are stupid, simple creatures. You need to tell them every. Last. Detail. Or just tell him when you need money to buy stuff! And when you see him headed be like oh while you’re over there could you do this? Men have no initiative at all ever.

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Guys aren’t that smart. You have to tell them everything everytime.

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Haha it’s funny that you think he should know anything.

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Get used to having all the responsibility, it seems that men are totally clueless

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You need to tell men they have a one tract mind

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Men rely on very straight forward information. They arent stupid. Just tell him what you want. Its that simple.

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I guess I’m not with everyone else here. He should be just as responsible as you when it comes to things. Even if it’s just asking you what the baby needs.

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Why wouldmt ypu tell him though?

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Assuming he does stuff with the baby like change the diaper and feed the baby he should know what the baby needs. As for the messes wtaf. Does he not see them?

Been with my man for 11yrs. He knows the house. He even cooks. Yet I STILL gotta tell him what we need…I just say “hey …we need X…can you get some?” And tada he gets it no problem.
It’s a pain…but telling him we low on stuff is easier then nagging lol
Same with cleaning. Mine got a honey do list for his day off tomorrow (2 things lol)…he says he’ll do it! He usually does to. But only if I ask. So I ask…it’s easier then nagging after🤷lol

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Amen, to all these comments!

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He’s a man… you should be happy that he does these things when you tell him too lol

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I love all of these comments :rofl::rofl:

Yes. You need to tell them. They dont pay attention to things needed around house or what kids may need. It’s a man thing.

Honestly, I’m the stay at home mom and my boyfriend works to support us and our baby girl and he sometimes doesnt know what size diapers she wears or what size clothing shes in. I take care of all of her needs though. I make sure she has diapers. I make sure she has clothes. I make sure she has bottles cleaned, sanitized, and prepped. I make sure she has clothes that fit her and clothes to grow into and that she has formula and whatnot because thats part of my job as being the stay at home momma. Because i spend the majority of the time with our daughter while hes out working, I know these things right off hand. Just ask him though. And maybe hes still learning as a parent even. I’m still learning myself even with a 5 month old.

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My husband does this, but with household chores etc. He tells me to tell him when I need his help, then when I do he gets upset and gives me attitude. (He’s bipolar, unmedicated, but reasonably well controlled, but he gets moody af sometimes.)

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Well as every other person hace said…men are idiots. They don’t pay attention to that kind of stuff…

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You’ll be happy to know you’re not alone. We all feel this way. He’s a man and yes he needs to be told. I always say I have 3 kids instead of two :rofl:

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Why wouldn’t you tell him?
My husband wipes his own ass yet I still tell him when we’re getting low on toilet paper…