I really need some outside perspective…for the last year, I was a stay at home mom/ worked two nights a week for some side money. It was a mutual agreement between my spouse and me. I was recently told I wasn’t contributing enough by a said spouse. So now I am opening my own business. I will be working full-time there and still part-time at my other job. My spouse thinks I still need to do all of the housewife duties while working two jobs, taking care of our child, etc. I have asked for more help from him because now I am working, but because he still makes significantly more money, he believes he shouldn’t have to lift a finger. Is this really fair…or am I just being a big baby? Money is something constantly thrown in my face, and it’s really bringing down my self esteem. I feel as though I’m just a maid
Hire a maid or housecleaning! He obviously has the money to pay for it!!!
Hell no. Not fair at all.
Tell him to stick it your picking up another job to help bring money in he can help out where he lives and eats not to mention you didn’t make those kids by your self if he won’t help give him an ultimatum because your not a mule or a maid and you both live there weather or not he makes more has no baring On sharing house hold duitys
He lives there and those are his children too he should be putting work into it too.
In our house we are a partnership. None of this 1950’s bull shit where the woman does everything. Some days he does more and some days I do more.
I say quit the household chores and just focus on your business. Stack your money and leave
I hope your business takes off, and then I hope you don’t give him anything from it. Just kidding, leave him.
Not fair at all. Get your business going and hire some help. You are a team and BOTH should help
Tell him to help more or get out. It’s his house and kids too. That kind of thinking must be stood up to, if not, you WILL be his maid.
Stop washing his clothes and washing his dishes see how he feels then
There are three titles that come with being a married man who is a father. Partner, father, and spouse. He can be a good dad and husband but be a shitty partner just like he can be a good partner and dad and be a shitty husband etc. I work full time and 100% expect my husband who also works full time and makes more money than I do to do 50% of the household and parenting duties. If he ever thought he shouldn’t, I’ll be happy to pack his bags and show him the door.
So not dog it 30 yrs later you will be broken down and he will be gone with some young thing
Oh heck no,.the children and house work should be 50/50
The thing is, he shouldn’t value his money above your value. I’m a stay at home mom, and he respects that he wouldn’t be able to do his job like he does without me taking care of our child. I’m sorry your man treats you that way. That’s for to feel really bad.
Not fair! Y’all are in a team not a boss/employee. Y’all are supposed to work together not one do all the work while one sits back and does nothing because they make more money. Y’all are supposed to be equals
An unpaid maid, at that! He needs a bit of reality check.
There is no way one person can pull the weight of all the housework, grocery shopping, laundry, and care taking of children and keep a level head. Overtime you will resent him for his absence in helping out. He lives there too, he eats food, creates dishes, dirty laundry, and contributes to the mess at home as well as everyone else. It’s 2021, where women work and contribute to the home, he should do the same! I would hire a maid if he continues to put this pressure on you. He is your equal not your superior!
My husband helps out. We both do what we can.
If he makes soooo much money he can hire someone to do the work he’s obviously not willing to do himself. All man babies think cleaning and cooking are gender roles, tells me he has no practical life skills and wouldn’t be able to keep himself (or the kids) alive if you didn’t do everything for him 
he will either learn or hire someone. Let him be mad.
Marriage is 50/50. He needs to step up or step out. He is no better than you and just because he has a “penis” does not make him superior. You can do it on your own. You are strong and independent!
You’re definitely not being a baby! My husband and I worked full time until our first daughter was 8 months old then he joined the military. Now I’m a stay at home mom of 2 little girls and he is the only help I have since we live so far away from family. In all the time he’s been in, not a single time has he thrown the fact that i don’t work in my face. And he helps around the house all he can, even if it’s just doing dishes, that takes such a load off my shoulders.
Maybe just do you and your kids laundry. He needs to pick up his slack. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
If your both working everything else should be 50/50.
Spouse = married which means you are one. Not two separate people. While I understand financials are a huge part of fights between married couples, It should not determine the amount of work you put into caring for one another, your children, or the life your building. I would discuss it with him like that. Working as a team is really the only way you will both be happy.
What you allow will continue, I would see if he will go to counseling. If he won’t,go by yourself. You need to stand up for yourself and he needs to understand your worth. If he won’t change make a exit plan,life is to short to be devalued by the person who is supposed to love you the most.
He’s an ass. And if he feels that way, he won’t change his ways. Be prepared.
What a load of crap 
Part of adulthood is definitely maintaining your home and children, but that goes for both of you! If you’re working so much anyways, the house really won’t be a mess or have much to clean anyways! Do the laundry every morning, dishes every night, deep clean on Sunday’s and call it good! 
He probably doesn’t even realize his ways if that’s the type of household he grew up in!
It’s a partnership not a maid service 
You better than me! Lol 
boy bye!
Focus on that business and yourself and the kids. You might eventually see that he isn’t the one contributing anything at all. There are a lot more important things than money and it sort of sounds like he lacks a lot of those things and you might be happier without him. Don’t let anyone ruin your self esteem.
Hire a housekeeper and let him pay…
No ma’am that’s not right your husband is part of that home and mess and it’s disrespectful to think he should not help out. I’m a stay at home mom for now wasn’t always but my husband still helps so much! You shouldn’t have to just accept that u have to do it all! Your married that’s a team your supposed to be in it together! Good luck and I wish you the best!
In a true partnership its equal. Bringing in more money does not exempt him from contributing to the household and parenting duties.
Just for a lesson once your all up and running.
Only take care of stuff for you and the kids.
Don’t do any care tasks you would usually do for him.
Say well since I’m doing it all and so over overwhelmed something was bound to suffer, I guess the one not being a real partner and team mate will do without!
We don’t exactly do equal time for everything, every day/week/month/year, but we try really hard to. We both work full time jobs outside the home, we also split our time with the kids and house duties. I have weeks where I work overtime, and he picks up the leftover duties at home. Sometimes someone is sick or exhausted, and the other picks up the slack. We’re a team, and a damned good one at that. It does not matter AT ALL who makes what amount of money outside the home, and it is disrespectful to you to expect you to pick everything up due to your hourly wage.
I am sure you know the answer to your question.
Another thought is that people should consider their views on marriage roles and responsibilities before getting married and having kids. When you’re a single parent you do it all, sometimes without the financial support/security too…
Keep the house, look for a new spouse 
but really
All hands on deck. The amount a spouse financially contributes doesn’t equal how much that person contributes to the overall running of the household. Try not doing his laundry or not having enough dinner for him.
View yourself as an EQUAL!
It’s 2021 not 1920 .
You are not your spouses Mother/caregiver therefore you don’t need to pick up after him.
If he seriously thinks he has the right to sit back and make you do everything than he needs a shake up. Stop doing everything and anything for him.
He is an independent man he can do it all himself.
You do for you and your child and let him do his own.
Since he earns so much money he can pay a cleaner.
A person who feels appreciated will do more.
He sounds like a narcissist.
I find it hard to understand, 50 years ago women got married had babies stayed home and was a mum and house wife did everything in the home. Today we are expected to hold a full time job have babies keep home all house work is our job still because we don’t make as much money as males do even though we have no choice but to take time off to have our babies.
I’ve decided next life I want to be a man they seem to go to work do a bit of gardening and their time is their own.
Things need to change.
Leave. If you’re going to be doing everything yourself anyway, what do you need him for?
You’re married to a jerk and he needs to grow up.
I simply would start doing nothing for said husband. He can do his own sh*t. Make himself food, do his own laundry… etc. Just be done taking care of mr grown up, head in the cloud, lazy bum of a husband.
I wouldnt do anything for him. Dont fix his meals, wash his clothes etc. Just for myself and my kids. Tell him to hire a maid.
I mean, if he’s so happy he makes more money…maybe he should use some of it to hire someone to do his fair share
I think you already know the answer to your question. Your not being a baby. We are not in the 1950s anymore and there are tons of men who come home and help with housework if both parents are working. Chores should always be split halfway if both are working. I think you just have to put your foot down. You do the dishes he takes out the trash. If y’all both have the same off days then that could be a day to clean. If he still doesn’t want to then tell him since he makes so much more… hire a maid.
It’s NEVER FAIR…for either side. Anyone that has a “side” is wrong. It’s literally 100% and 100%. If the other wants to keep score or put some title on life, then you get to choose if you want to do the same. Men are not the rule makers if they choose not to “provide” for the family. They either help or you don’t work…period!!
I’m so sick of men and this exact topic. Lots of divorces and rude awakenings for these mysogynsitc asshats
What are " housewife duties " if it needs to be done either myself or husband does it…tell your man to hire a maid
I really don’t want to come off as mean but I am going to anyway. You married him and should have known this was how he was. I guess I got lucky in the spouse department because we share house hold duties and both work and share raising our son. But if he was like this I never would have married him and if he turned out like this after marriage I would leave his ass. No woman needs this in her life we have enough crap to deal with. 
Tell him to be a better partner. You need to stop asking for help and demand he holds up his end of the partnership.
Hire a cleaning service. Have him pay half.
This guy is an ass who’s living in another reality. You are not the only one living in the house and the only parent. He needs to get here on planet Earth this century and realize that he needs to get with today’s program. Where it takes 2 parents to successfully take care of a home and kids and if he was so successful you wouldn’t need two jobs but you are already doing EVERYTHINGIf he can’t do this try counseling and then if he doesn’t get it see a lawyer and get out of this abusive and controlling situation.
Don’t do anything for him. Don’t cook for him, don’t wash his clothes… nothing. He will change that attitude quick!
Is he paying all of the bills?
Throw the whole man away
I’m hearing you have two full time jobs and a part time job and he has one full time job. Bro needs to match you or stfu. Who ever makes the most is an outdated patriarchal measurement to keep sahm in their place. You’re the one with the hustle. You’re the one owning your own business with growth opportunities. He can support that or you need to move on.
Hire a maid. Make sure it’s a male, he sounds like a sleeze ball!
You’ve got a man child. With my ex I worked, took care of the kid and all of the household stuff including mowing. I’m currently not working because I’m not emotionally ready to. My boyfriend clears the table, does dishes, takes out the garbage and does anything he sees that needs done. And he does it without me asking. I apologized for not having his work clothes out of the dryer because I felt like I should at least have it done and he told me that I didn’t need to as apologize.
I had planned to not go back to work after having our baby. And I feel like I should be doing more or going back to work.
If I’m working full time then the house is fair game to each. He sounds controlling
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership… and children are not only a sole parents responsibility… a wife is not a maid or full time nanny or both!
Does he live in the home? Then it’s maintenance is also his responsibility. So, let it be his responsibility! Stop making meals for him or doing his laundry! Take care of yourself and kiddos - but only the necessities.
Always trust your feelings. You don’t feel valued or equal in your partnership and need to address this with him.
Uhhh… if you’re BOTH working, no matter how much money you’re making… YOU BOTH SHOULD BE HELPING WITH HOUSE DUTIES AND THE CHILD. SMH
He’s a entitled jerk.
Marriage is a partnership. My husband helps me around the house and I’m a sahm.
My husband was like this. I stopped doing the stuff if he needed clean clothes I showed him how to wash them. I told him it takes 2 to make a family and messes. He now helps out around the house he does do the laundry now, does dishes, and sometimes vacuums. I consider that win. We have been married almost 16 yrs.
He should take his more money and hire help if he does not want to contribute.
No he’s being unfair, cruel; if can’t lift a finger to help out then maybe he should hire a maid.
Nope not normal mines doing laundry right now and I’m a stay at home mom. We all cleaned house today as a family
Where did you get him from? The 1950’s? 
mans got some nerve.
My spouse makes way more than me… he works about 60 hrs a week… I work the standard M-F 40 hrs a week. I do alot with the kids and house…BUT so does he. He cleans, does all the laundry, and whatever needs to be done. And he doesn’t complain.
1st thing - washing his clothes. He is a grown man ?
He should most definitely help out. You both work, you both should do the house work, & both care for your kid
Once u stop washing his clothes and he realises there are no clean work clothes for him he will soon sort it out.
Tell him to stop being such a man child. Your spouse should be your team member. Tell him to man up
Hell no your not over reacting. I’d be livid.
It’s not even about him being clearly a lazy douche. It’s about the blatant disrespect of him believing he is above you.
Try having a serious heart to heart. Try telling him it is really hurting your self confidence level.
If he doesn’t change or stop being a jerk, I’d give him the “hey I told you this was really mentally effecting me. Change it or I’m done”
And the third time he throws money in your face, leave because if he doesn’t change after knowing it mentally effects you, he doesn’t love you.
I honestly couldn’t be with a man who throws that he makes the money in my face. Idc how much a person makes when my husband is home he helps because this isn’t just my kids or my house it’s ours.
My husband loves his children and helps all the time. Bathtime, bedtime, changing diapers. Music class and swim lessons. He washes the dishes and his own laundry (I take care of my laundry and the kids’, bedsheets and towels, etc). We both work full time but I’m still on leave for our baby boy.
He is the major breadwinner. He works long hours and in a stressful environment. Work is not an excuse not to help with the kids. It just isn’t, ESPECIALLY if he is the one insisting you also need to work full time hours. He needs to pull his weight. Money is not an accurate measure of how much labor is being done.
I did all the housework when I was a SAHM but now that I’m working full time I’m not willing to do that anymore. If he doesn’t want to do his part then he can damned well do for himself. Prepare his own meals, do his own laundry, it’s not your problem anymore.
If you’re both working outside of the house, you share the work inside of the house.
If he has a problem with that, run, don’t walk. This is abusive behavior.
Tell him to grow up.
Money isn’t everything. The bind with child and partner out weighs money.
I work earn more money, take care of my kid and the bills. His job is physical and requires more movement than mine. It shits me he doesn’t help but I have always pushed thru until the car accident.
Ask him to help or pay someone to help and tell him he has to pay it.
Start charging him for doing his laundry and cooking his meals…he will.soon change his mind.
You grind it together 100% 100% of what you both are capable of.
It sounds like he still needs a momma
Super shitty! Sounds like a dick. That’s why it’s so hard for me to find a good man, because I will not put up with this type of crap. Some douche bags really love u in the beginning and treat u well, but then they will see that they have u, because without them u have no money, that’s when u have to be strong and say screw u, happiness and respect is worth more than money. If u truly loved me and cared about me, u would help around here, instead of treating me like your maid. We should both hustle, work, clean , and cook together. Or like most women, go out there, get a taste of your own independence and realize u got this by yourself and kick his sorry ass to the curb!
Yeah, I agree. He’s an ass. Not setting a good example for the kids, either.
I have a very similar situation and mine wants me to go full time because we need more money but I can barely keep up with the household as it is I told him I don’t see how he can expect me to add more hours and still do chores and take care of him and the kids. He also throws money in my face and I’m so sick of it. I could make enough to live if I have to but we asked I didn’t need to until the kids were out of the house. I don’t think it’s right and I’ve many friends who don’t think it is right but he thinks it’s just fine. I’d also Linder try o point out we both have health problems and at this point I feel more like a nurse and maid than a wife and mother. 
I totally feel this my partner is the same…
I mean, why would you need him anymore if you’re supposed to do it all? 
Men can be jerks. Sorry girl.
He needs to help. Paying for stuff isn’t the same as taking care of.
It’s a team work. You both should be doing the work with no complaints. My man does everything & anything without having to be asked. We both do when it comes to the kids & house work.
What a jerk!!! His butt wud be helping with chores
Yep and u do all that and men still make more an hour! It’s bs! U just have to stop doing some things like his laundry for starters .
Tell him to hire outside help for cleaning cooking etc- otherwise quit your day job- can’t have his cake and eat it too. He either wants the extra income you provide or he wants a maid. He can’t have both without hiring help
When you both work house work should be a shared chore and looking after both your child should be a shared job also if he can’t see that it’s time to leave him… it’s not fair you have to do everything it takes 2 to have kids and to make a mess so he should be helping out and not letting you do everything you are not his maid,chef, baby sitter etc he needs to grow up and wake up to himself!
Tell him to get in line or he can find a new place to sleep. Just because he works and makes more money doesn’t mean he gets to do nothing.
Tell him to go be single then he can use all his money to pay a cleaner
Nope nope and more nope. In our house it’s OUR money, no matter who is working and who isn’t. When we both worked we both contributed to the spawn and house, now that I’m not working I deal with the spawn and home and he works and does a few chores on the weekends. It’s still our money. The one time he brought it up that he made the money after we decided for me to stay home I was quick to let him know I’d be happy to go back to work full time and he can pay for a babysitter and come home and split half the housework/chores. He changed his mind reallllllll quick