He is a control freak. Isolation from family then friends. He needs serious help. Get away before the abuse gets worse.
He seems controlling and no you shouldn’t stop helping you parents if you have the time and don’t mind why does he care
So much that’s your parents!
I would tell him that your parents arent asking for too much, but since hes so concerned about how much you’re burdened then he can help by taking on some extra responsibilities around the house. Bet that shuts him up about it.
Keep helping them …thought he would help but saying u shldnt help is not cool …what if it’s his parents
Does he do anything besides work? Stop doing his laundry, cleaning his clothes,etc and I bet he changes his tune real fast. Don’t ever let you SO come between you and your family. That a huge red flag. What else does he try to control?
He sounds like a dick.
I don’t think it is your parents you need to cut out.
They ask you because they trust you. If he can’t realize that there’s something wrong with him. It’s not affecting him at all.
Need to give yourself your place and teach him to respect you. You’re your own person do what makes you feel good. You only have one set of parents you know. Don’t shut them out. Shut him up.
He gives you a “talk” on what you’ve been doing all day??? That’s not a healthy relationship at all is he your man or father? You work multiple jobs. You have a job you work from home but you’ve also became a mother the cook the maid and his wife. He can suck it up and help you out. Continue to do things for your parents
He sounds like a narcissist person. U should be able to help your family and friends out
Did u tell him to mind his own mf business!?!
I was in the same situation as you. I am the eldest and my parents english is not the best, so I am the one helping them out even though I had 2 kids under 3 at that time. But being Chinese - we look after our parents as they age.
My husband was annoyed that they always call me fir help and never my sister…even though she lives with them!
I lived out west at the time and would take the bus and train back to Sydney to help. You just got to stand up to him and talk it out, make him understand…no matter what Family comes first! Imagine if you need help later on in life and your daughter refused to cos her jealous husband didn’t want her to…it’s very hurtful.
Trust me…I regret bit spending enough time with my dad…he passed away 3 yrs ago and I regret not being there as much as I could.
Don’t listen to your husband. I can tell from your post that you know what the right thing to do.
He was there from the middle. Your parents were there from the very start.
Wait, you’re both working full time, yet, you’re expected to do everything else, too? Hmmmmmmm. Maybe he needs to help and you won’t be so tired.
I would get rid of him because its going to get worse
He doesn’t care about you at All, much less about your parents or anybody else.
He sounds like an ass. If you are working and taking care of a baby. Who tf is he to ask you about what you do or don’t get done?! Your parents are not replaceable but this douche is!
Lots of people have their opinions. My heart says what is it you really want. Look inside self. Your the only one that can decide what is best for you. Sending prayers that you find the answers your seeking. God Bless
You won’t have them forever so if you can help with this stuff that is minor for you but major for them just do it. Your SO should not care unless you are complaining to him about doing these things. Love them
Always be there for yours parent know matter what he’s says ,I bet he’s sees & helps he’s parents more then you get too.i been there some men likes to be controlling .
Help ur parents. They ask u because the know the can depend on u to help. The bf should accept u love ur parents. I always help mine . I see them everyday. Anything they ask i do . They won’t be here forever. The bf need to grow up and stop being jealous. U should put your foot down and tell him to hit the door .
That is a form of verbal abuse hon. Sit him down and tell him it’s YOUR life, if you wanna spend free time helping your parents there’s nothing wrong with that…you’re GOING TO DO IT! Wonder if it would be a different story if it were his parents you were helping? Marriage is always about negotiations and sometimes the one in the wrong has a hard time accepting it…but they must. Been married 45 yrs…and it sure is not about trying to run ones life. Good luck hon:kissing_heart:
Treat your parents well as for him start making him help out I think he is using you and controlling it will get worst
Write down everything you do. Then ask him to pick half the chores on the list to do. You both work, you are both parents, you both have a household to take care of. You should share the burden (and joys) equally.
See if he will get counseling. Sounds like the parent thing is a red herring for something else—it does sound like he is trying to isolate you. How often do you get to see and talk to your friends? Do you ever entertain? Does he have many—or any—close friends?
Please do learn the signs of controlling and abuse and talk to a counselor at a women’s center or hotline. I’m worried for you. At least your parents will be there for you if you need to leave him.
Gotta love a giant red .
Narcissistic tendencies gross me out.
If that were me I’d be laughing in his face. “What have you been doing all day” .uhm working. X3 . You ? Working x1. Wow must be nice.
Boy get out my face and do the fucking dishes and do the laundry while you at it.
And you can sleep on the couch with that disrespectful mouth of yours. I’m gunna go call my mama see if they need anything.
Maybe remind your husband that your parents made sure that growing up you had everything you needed, so when parents ask for favors or help, it’s not a burden. A lot of people forget this as they get older. Always make time for your parents.
Nobody, and I do mean Nobody would ever tell me what I can and can’t do for my parents . And you work a full time job from home, a full time job with a baby, and a full time job cleaning, laundry, cooking, what does he do?? Does he help with the baby? Does he do any cleaning or laundry or yard work or baths or feedings or What exactly does he contribute to~ outside of his Job??? in which you have one ( 3) of. You need to think long & hard about what he contributed to your family besides “finally getting a job” his job as a spouse and as a father and a contributor to his own household and cooking and cleaning and child…??? No its not okay these people birth you and love you and raised you, and need a little help there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. He is basically trying to dictate your life, your decisions and your relationship with your parents and that is wrong… very very wrong… Also I want to add if you bow down to this, loose this what else are you going to loose what is he going to take from you next??? If you don’t stand up Now its only going to get worse because what ever you ALLOW HIM to do or TAKE from you will never be enough it will be more and MORE until you have nothing but him… that’s what people like that do. STAND UP STAND STRONG
He sounds like a gigantic ass. Your parents won’t be around forever, and they are asking small favors here and there and YOU don’t mind. Then what is his problem. Sounds like he has mommy issues and wants a maid to wait on him had and foot. If you are both working full time jobs and your caring for an infant as well…why the hell is he not chipping in and doing his part to help out around the house. No no no no no, you need to put your foot down and let him know he’s just as capable of doing house work as you are and your just as tired as he is. This isn’t the 1950’s, men can do dishes and laundry just the same as a women. And if your parents need your help…damnit you help them if you can. Don’t let a man tell you any different.
Be careful it sounds like he has some control issues. If both of you work full time why doesn’t he offer to help around the house so you can spend more time with your family. Isolation, guilt and shame is the beginning of what often leads to domestic violence.
Stop doing his washing and say that’s what’s making you tired! Or maybe get him to help out at home. Sounds abusive to me
They’re your parents and is Totally ok for you to help them so help them whenever they need
He’s being a complete control freak and if you let him continue to get away with it, it’s only going to get worse. Stand your ground and continue to help your parents. You do not need a man telling you what to do
You sound intelligent. So I’m assuming this may have taken a while but I’m pretty sure your SO has slowly manipulating you and now you believe your SO bullshit! Stand your ground and stop doing his things… it’s od that he worries that your tired from everything you have to do but then turns around and asks what you have been doing. Tell him to do better and don’t believe his shit.
I have peace in my mind because I took the time to help my parents eventhough my husband would get jealous and would say I would always put my parents before him. My mom passed away 2018. I’m glad I listened to my heart and not my husband. I’m at peace because I did all I could while my mom was alive. Listen to your heart. Plus, you are a great role model to your children about what it is to be a good daughter.
If your spouse can’t understand a parent’s love then that’s his problem. Your parents won’t be around forever. Tell that spouse where to go. . .
Tell him to kiss your azz!! Those are your PARENTS, they were there before him, will be there after him. If they were toxic it would be different, but no he’s just being petty.
Your a brilliant daughter!!!
No wonder they call you!!! Maybe hes feeling left out… or may not have much quailty time with you. Congrats to you both for your bubbah. All the best!
17 years and I still get the same support from my husband when it comes to my Family, my mom has several health issues and I have to get her to appointments every week, and I have never let him forget to call his parents or help them out when they need it they live in another country and do not work, he is financially supporting them.
One day your children may be required to do the same thing for you. If you don’t mind helping them I wouldn’t worry what hubby says❤️
That is a control issue and I would have an issue with that. That is your parents! Period. It’s not his business if you help them, if you don’t ask him to help them out shouldn’t bother him. I would definitely have a chart with him about this and I would stand my ground. Also, he should be helping more, maybe then you wouldn’t be as tired. It sounds like you do everything plus work while he only works.
Hes an asshole
And he had the balls to say something to your parents?
I’d be very pissed
Maybe he sees you stress and you don’t realize it…same but different with my folks.
Keep helping your family. One day they wiil be gone
How is he with his parents? Maybe he doesn’t understand the parent/child bond because its not strong in his family. Regardless, if you want to help your parents, do so and be proud that you’re a good daughter. Hes not being a good husband.
Your spouse is way out of line . Do not give in to his controlling tendencies . We owe it to our parents to help them as we can . They loved us and cared for us . It’s our turn when they need some help .
Your family is his family, or he can bow out. He’s a controller who’s obviously not eligible for marriage, so stop wasting your time. He’ll soon be controlling your free time, your education and career goals, and anything else he sees as “not suiting him”.
U look after ur parents…they are lucky to have u to help cause when their gone their gone and u dnt want to have regrets…my mum passed 2 yrs ago now and i miss her phn calls every day…
It sounds like he’s just mad that you’re spending that little time on your parents instead of catering to his every need. That’s ridiculously controlling I wouldn’t give in at all. Don’t let him walk all over you, you’re supposed to be a team and equals not him making all the rules and you just bending the knee to him. Just the fact that he’s questioning what you’re doing all day when you’re both working full time would set me off. Everything shouldn’t just be on your shoulders. Don’t let it continue and nip it in the butt now or it’ll just escalate. If you allow him to continue to act like that towards you, it WILL keep happening because he knows you’ll let him get away with it. Set your boundaries.
Sounds like he needs to help you more so he has less time complaining about what you are doing. He is controlling you. Keep helping your parents.
This is exactly how I would be talking to that controlling man. He doesn’t have any right to ridicule you or what you’ve done. Does he come home and help cook or clean? Y’all both working full time jobs, you can help your parents if you want and not help them if you want. That’s up to YOU. Tell him to get off your ass, stand up for yourself, and tell him to get his ass in the kitchen and make you a sandwich. He needs to come down a few notches.
He’s very controlling, you have children and house to look after and what seems like a man child who can’t handle you having a relationship with your own parents. Even if you weren’t helping out your folks sometimes their will be days where you won’t get everything done, you don’t deserve “the talk” like your a kid who didn’t take out the trash you deserve an “is there anything I can do to help darling” he’s a douche tell him to kiss it and keep doing what u do your a great mum and daughter and don’t let him make you feel anything less.
No matter what you do, you will never be enough for the wrong person.
Be there for your family
If you’re this tired, your parents aren’t the problem. Your husband is. He needs to step up and help you with the house and the baby. After all, he lives there too, and you didn’t create that baby on your own! You both are working. There’s no reason he can’t help out too take some of your plate. For him to get petty enough to blame your parents is bullshit. Call him out on it and say, “you really wanna help me, do x,y,z around the house so I don’t have to.” Teamwork makes the dream work, especially when it comes to raising kids and working full time. This needs to be a team effort. Your husband needs to step the f up.
Why is it bothering him so much that you are helping your family seems very controlling … and that line what have you been doing all day is so patronising
He is a selfish cad. He should be helping you out also. keep helping your parents . You are a good person your husband on the other hand needs help.
It sounds like your spouse is controlling and you’re just going to have to put your foot down
You look after your parents girl! My momma passed away 2 years ago and it’s rough. Your spouse needs to help out around the house more, instead of demanding you not help them so that all his needs are met without him having to do them. If he were truly worried about you and how tired you are/how hard you work, he’d help out and relieve some of that burden.
Don’t let him stop u from helping ur parents! They took care of you when you needed, now they need you!
Those are your parents. If he can’t handle that he has some growing up to do.
I would say, no. It sounds like your spouse is trying to create a drift between you and your family and isolate you. I would let him know (in case he needs a reminder) all the things you do around the house that physically drains you vs a phone call here and there. Respectfully, you’re doing something out of the kindness of your heart. If he can’t see that, he has some mental issues. You do what you feel is best at the end of the day.
I think he sounds like a jackass.
I’m not trying to be rude. But he sounds super controlling and kinda borderline abusive. I would put your foot down now before it’s to late. Coming from someone who has been in that kind of situation before.
I’d tell him to fuck off
Your marriage sounds extremely controlling, and borderline abusive.
No one should be giving you a talk about what you didn’t get done during the day, or how often you’re allowed to speak to or help out your parents.
He sounds like an asshole, not only for not wanting you to help your parents with minimal things but to give you a talking to about not doing enough in his opinion. If you both work then he should be picking up some of the chores not expecting you to do it all. Stop doing stuff for him and see how he likes it, you are his wife not his servant.
Never stop helping your parents
kind of agree with what the others are saying
You shouldnt have to choose between your husband and parents parents likely wont be around as long.I was also in that position.I choose my parents.my father died 4yrs after i left my husband.I am very thankful i was there.
If he truly loves you he would understand
If my husband asked what I did all day I’d lose it. It’s hard to keep up a home and a child. That is so inconsiderate and rude of a comment to make. As for your parents they were there and loved you before you even knew him, you should want to help them that’s how I would feel too! He really can’t distance you from your family and tell you not to help them. It seems you need to have a serious relationship talk with him, he sounds controlling and mentally abusive!
he’s controlling you and working towards isolating you from everyone. it’s not like you’re passing them money. he needs to get over himself. you aren’t taking anything from your own household by helping them. and if you work from home then he shouldnt worry about wtf u been doing all day. you been working just like he has. he can clean.
I had to spend so much time away from home to help my Mom before she past last April. Over a 10 year stretch due to her declining health and NOT ONCE did my Husband say a word about it. He encouraged it. I’m sorry but your SO sounds very immature and insecure. I would never let a man come between my Mom and I. I am the youngest of 3 and lived the farthest away but I also don’t live with regret now because I know that I did as much as I could do for her.
Emotional and mental abuse thats what hes doing… making you feel inferior to him making you feel as if all you do isn’t enough. What does he do besides work full time now?
get rid find new husband hes a control freak
If you don’t mind then don’t stop. Sounds like it’s mostly phone calls.
If his behavior is controlling stop it now.
I was married to a controlling man for 31 years. He ran everyone off. He died and I have no friends anymore!
I do still have my dad though!
Ew. Your husband sounds like a misogynist . Agree with the people saying he is controlling and attempting to isolate you . I’ll add that he has fragile masculinity & I’m sure it bothers him to know you are fine without him. Girl , leave his scrub ass .
Your husband is a dickhead. Help your family.
You both work. Tell him he must pull his weight around the house, it’s not just up to you to keep everything going…!!!
They are asking for you to interpret and set up appointments. They are not asking for money or for you to drive them places. I agree with others that his controlling behavior is of concern. You have every right to be tired. You’ve got a lot going on!
Run!! Before it’s too late
Girl, he sounds bitter that you work at home. Second, if it doesnt entail him them it’s not his business. He can stay mad. If he does then you need to maybe get rid of him and his controlling a*s. Sounds like you’re doing more than enough for him & It’s still not good enough for him. You’re still an individual. Not just his wife.
He sounds controlling af.
If you work full time and raise HIS kid and he works and something isn’t done he needs to get off his ass and do it himself!!! Instead of giving you “the talk”. Keep doing what you do for your parents and he can get OVER IT
I think he’s an asshole .I will be very mad if my husband do that and I will never tell them to ask my siblings
Sounds like the problem is within him. Parents won’t be around forever I lost my step dad 2 weeks ago. What I wouldn’t do to see his number come up on my phone.
Ummm wow… Help your parents! When I first started reading this I thought you would say something about finances. As a person on a tight budget I could understand that but helping them understand mail etc? How could your SO be so insensitive?!
Always help your parents…remember, they taught you how to use a spoon! lol!
This is a husband problem and he dares to have the audacity to question what you have done in day when you are working and being a mom and cleaning house and cooking ect … his lazy behind should be contributing to cleaning and cooking and the help you give your parents has nothing to do with him. Helping your parents if you choose to shouldn’t be a problem… he has a problem because he is selfish and expects you to wait on him hand and foot. I hope things get better for you and please let him know he is also quite capable of laundry and cleaning and cooking and taking care of the child you made together.
Do what you have to do for your parents while they are still here. I wish I had things to do for my parents.
Sounds like he’s a real winner. You are obligated to your parents in my opinion and S.O. is out of line!
ALWAYS help your parents. If you spouse keeps nagging you tell him to shut up and get over it or get out.
I say do what you can for them. They obviously need your help, but you also can’t add to your stress load. But one day you will miss those phone calls for help on something…try to find an even ground with your spouse and your parents
This definitely seems like mental and emotional abuse. Trying to control who you have in your life outside of your immediate family. Also having the audacity to question what you’re doing all day when you don’t have the time to get everything done… this doesn’t seem healthy at all. Controlling you like that isn’t a good sign… maybe look into how you’re feeling ? Do you feel at peace when hes not around? When hes around does he bring negative energy with him?.. if its financial, then yeah the conversation might go differently. But it’s just admin errands… something isn’t right
You have every right to talk to your parents dont tell them to ask your other sibilings. They are your parents YOU as a daughter have to help them. Don’t make them stop asking you, you will regret it later. Remember we dont have our parents for many years so do everything you can for them while they are still alive help them talk to them treat them as the most precious thing in this world se when they are gone you wont regret anything
Time for an honest conversation, one you need more help around the house and two your parents are your blood, they would be there for you I’m guessing and our parents won’t be here one day so do not let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do to help them. He should help where he can with your parents. Theres more than one adult in this house and he should man up and take care of his home and his family, including your parents. If he can’t meet you half way tell him you will do exactly what you need to do for your parents regardless. You need to think about yourself and your mental health here. Maybe go to couples therapy to talk it through.
1st its srop helping. 2nd wil be stop talking to them. He is starting to control you.
Sorry. Sounds like your husband has control issues and is mentally and emotionally abusing you 🤷
You arent doing anything wrong and if You dont want to stop.DONT! just because he says so! You are your own person! Hes not your boss nor your father!
They are your parents and trust me they will be there for you… When you need a place to go after things fall apart with your husband.
If you can work full time, raise a baby, clean house and help your parents maybe you need to ask him what he has been doing all day! Family comes first ALWAYS! If you are ok with helping your parents and it doesn’t take away from your kid then keep helping.
I’m just going to say that my husband would never tell me what I can and can’t do. Lecturing you on not finishing housework? F that! Girl, I’d put my foot down. Let him know that he is not your child and can do some housework also. As for your parents tell him it’s not his business and to back the f#@$ off. Just what I personally would do.
If you’re getting talks about something not being done then it sounds to me like he’s thinks your parents are the reason. That’s not healthy. It’s 2021. If something around the house isn’t done then he can do it to help instead of complaining that it isn’t done. You’re a partner and partners work together.
I think not. I wish a mother f%^ker would