My spouse told me to stop helping my family: Thoughts?

I’d tell him to go fuck himself and that he needs to help with your child and chores more he lives in the house too and YOU WORK AND MAKE MONEY TOO!

Keep helping your parents :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

My husband has a bio mom a step mom and a adopted mom. I CAN NOT stand bio mom she is not mom she is not grandma to my kids. My mom told me that I don’t have to like her, don’t have to go out of my way to say hi or have her be apart of things but that I need to be polite and respectful to a point because what if it was him hating my family. I’d be upset and not like it. So to try to feel from his prospective I guess… He cleerly doesnt see that hes part of another family and with him acting like that I’d put off doing things of his or with his family that you don’t need or want to do, the things that make you tired that you don’t need to get done daily. He isn’t listening to you when you say helping them with their small things isn’t why your tired.

My dear don’t stop helping your parents do what you want to do for them before you regret for the rest of your life they need both of you just as you needed them while growing up, marriage don’t stop you from helping your parents

Your husband is an abuser. Not borderline. Not a little controlling. He’s a full blown abuser. He’s not concerned that your parents are asking too much of you. His concern is for himself. If he’s worried that things aren’t getting done around the house, he can take care of them. You are not his maid. You haft two full time jobs. (The one you get paid for and the one taking care of your child and home) Unless he’s picking up an equal amount of work at home, he can get over it, but that’s not his real concern. He’s attempting to isolate you from your family, and breaking your confidence. You don’t a “man” like that.

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I would say spread the work load between all siblings and that’s the end of it. Tell him you will share the work load evenly with your siblings and that he’ll have to live with that.

How rude :expressionless: don’t feel guilty for helping ur parents and don’t let him act like you haven’t done anything ALL day moms do a lot with or without a job we are busy we also will never get the appreciation we deserve :disappointed: hang in there and never let any man come in between u and ur parents sounds like he’s trying to be controlling.

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Yea . i don’t think theirs anything wrong wt u helping your parents. I think u need a new husband… Hes the one wt the problem.an that’s HIS problem. Keep doing you . Your not doing anything wrong. Ask him what he been doing all day.Has he spent time wt the baby.has he feed the baby .change the baby.bath the baby.Taken trash out .done laundry. cook dinner for the family. While also working a job.

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I am the youngest out of my three siblings. We were all born in Ecuador but I came to the states at the age of two they came later and were adults. Safe to say my English is better lol. My parents are the same they will call me so I can call companies back, to translate paper work, or even favors like mailing them my kids old clothes. My husband doesn’t pay no mind and honestly I don’t think he pays that much attention to know lol. He wouldn’t say anything regardless, taking care of our families is a big thing for us. We will both drop everything and go to them if something is really wrong. A true man and family man wouldn’t tell you to stop helping your family. What if your kids are grown and he calls his adult kids for a favor and they said I can’t cause my spouse said not to help you.

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He’s controlling leave now! Hunny it will never change he may say he will but he will not if he was so worried about you he’d help you not nag you your parents gave you life they raised you to the person you became so they need help so very often think of all the times they were there for you don’t let him come between mom and dad

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Your spouse is a selfish asshole. My spouse had no problem with letting me move my Ex-MIL into our home for 2 years so that I could take care of her after she broke her hip. That is the kind of man you should marry.

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Does he pull his weight around the house and help with your child when he’s home from work?

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He is trying to control you. Be aware because if you keep letting him it will get worse. Be careful.

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He sounds like a child… but like others say he really sounds like an abuser … don’t stop helping ur family and tell him too pull his finger out and help out he lives here it’s he’s child too he can help u out.

What the hell is wrong with people. I wish my mom was still alive to call and ask me for help with something!

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Family first, your parents gave their all for you. What they are asking of you causes him no imposition so it shouldn’t matter. Sounds like more of a control thing. Does he help you around the house, with the baby? Relationships are give and take. Helping your parents doesn’t take from him so it really shouldn’t matter.

Family is family, I wish my parents were still alive

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I would tell him that he would need to get over it because it doesn’t bother you

if your parent were overbearing or crossing boundaries i would understand where he is coming from but it doesnt sound like they are!! i would continue to help them. And stop allowing him to give u the “talk” like your a child. Your a grown ass women who didnt get something done that day who cares! All of us mothers have days where we dont so squat and thats coming from a stay at home mom lol

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I’m thinking he’s not realizing what all you do. Why isn’t he helping with any chores or coming dinner if you both are working full time? I would be having a serious convo with him and explain to him it’s not the parents that are the reason for you being burnt out, it sounds like it’s him not helping with anything that’s doing it.

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Your husband. Is the problem. You carried his baby. And take care of everyone and he has the nerve to ask what you’ve been doing in a day? Newp!

Two… it doesn’t matter your birth order. You help parents. It says a lot about YOU that your parents come to YOU. They trust you. They can depend on you. As a wife you gave to set boundaries with your husband just like any other relationship. Period.

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Keep helping your parents. Is his family close? Maybe he’s jealous of the closeness.

He is slowly trying to isolate you and gain control!! You already do A LOT to help him some would say (too much) be careful & do NOT under any circumstance cut ur parents off!! Why the heck should you ?!? Xx good luck

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Pack up yourself and your daughter and go to your parents!
His behavior is too controlling…and will only get worse.

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The fact that your partner is discouraging you from assisting your family speaks volumes about his moral character. He is gaslighting you and sounds quite narcissistic. A real partner would be stepping up and helping your parents along with you. On top of the fact that it sounds as if you do all the work at home and with the baby while he doesn’t contribute. It’s a recipe for disaster if you don’t get your partner under control. Whatever you do, don’t stop assisting your parents/family.

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Say it out loud with me : MY PARTNER IS TOXIC AND ABUSIVE. I DESERVE BETTER.

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No questions ask… We only jave one parents. Worst comes to worst you will break up with ur husband and u will get another one. Inwould do everything for my parents… Wish they are alive…

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My sister often needs help from me because she’s a single mom of 6 (long story short their dad got into drugs and disappeared)
Not once has my S/O ever complained about is helping her with her house or the kids or anything. He’s literally a second dad to her two youngest because they don’t know/remember their real dad. We also help his sisters whenever they need it and I don’t ever complain either. It’s what family does, especially of your on good terms. If he has an issue then he needs to stfu or get out. He can always do dishes or laundry or cook if it’s that much of a problem. You deserve to be appreciated more hun.

If you both work you both should be splitting housework, taking turns taking care of baby and cooking meals. Sounds like he treats you like a child so he can act like one himself and be a lazy SOB. If something happened between you and him I bet your parents would be the first ones there for you, not him.

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I would lay down the law. Tell him that they are your parents. They raised you and cared for you and now it’s your turn to do the same for them. Tell him that that’s just how it’s going to be, so he’d better get used to it and stop giving you grief over it.

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My ex fiancé has successfully isolated me from friends family and work and is now taking everything away from me two weeks before I give birth.

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It sounds like your husband is the one taking up all your time. You work too, you shouldn’t have to do EVERYTHING. You’re his wife, not his house maid. You shouldn’t need the “talk” about what you’re doing all damn day because you’re a grown woman who can do whatever she wants.

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Listen to your husband. Here is what the bible says.

Ephesians 5:22-32 KJV
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Sadly, if you do not want to submit to your husband…you may have picked the wrong one.

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I do the same for my mom, it sometimes get on my nerves not beacuse is hard but because she has a lazy ass daughter that literally lives next door and my mom pays her damn bills :roll_eyes: :unamused: yet again she can’t do shit for my mom also have lazy ass brothers that my mom helps out and nobody seems to help her on some easy ass things like paying her bills online or making appts etc. So I do complain about that to my man (and my mom) but I would never stop doing it so just cuz my man said so!! And never has he ask and better not ever dare cuz I won’t . IF you’re not neglecting your own family to help them out I don’t see nothing wrong is not like THEY’RE asking you for money that comes out of him and shit you have to struggle to do so. My man helps me out a lot we both work we both clean and cook!! He cooks more i aint gonna lie… and helps me even more since I’m prego but he always been this way my mom even notice how much he helps me and reminds me how lucky I am cuz we come from Mexico where there’s a lot “machismo” and man can’t even wipe there ass like my dad was… TALK TO HIM AND IF HE DON’T GET IT HE’S BROKEN YOU NEED A NEW ONE :joy::grin::expressionless:

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Nope. That’s a big Nope. I was super close with my Grandparents and my hubby knew if I get a call your ass better stop what your doing and flyyyyyy. Those are your parents. Not some people off the street. If he feels your overrun it’s his job to step up and take the slack. My grandma has been gone for 9 years and I wishhhhhhh she could call me to come read a letter or help a neighbor translate something. That’s not ok.

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Keep.doing what you are doing…I’m sure your parents have helped you many times growing up…that is what families do…help one another… seems like this man of yours wants to control your everyday life…you both work but you also do the majority of the housework and care for a child from what you posted…maybe stop helping/mothering him…if you are capable of doing everything you posted then there is no reason why this guy can’t step it up a bit and contribute to housework and caring for child…personally I think you both need to have a mature adult conversation on the problems and learn to work together if not it is only going to become more of a problem.

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Sounds like he is the burden 🤷 why is he not helping instead of getting after you for not doing everything?

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My fiancé and I are both in home all day. We both work, we BOTH do laundry, we BOTH clean. We BOTH care for our 7 month old (he even pulls his weight caring for my older 2 from a previous relationship) and never complains… I mainly do the cooking (because its not his strong suit) and I take care of bills, appointments, exc. My family is a mess and always comes to me for help. He is always supportive of me whether I decide to help or not. It sounds like your guy needs to pitch in a lot more at home, and needs to be taught a lesson in what family really means. If I were you. I would leave. If not permanently, long enough for him to realize you will not accept this behavior!

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Your spouse is the problem

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Your family your choice

That’s your family. If what they ask isn’t a burden to you, then it shouldn’t bother him.

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Dont do it it’s your family it’s not like there asking for money . Need to address the topic n stand your ground

Oh Sweetie…I’m so sorry you are going through this mess…
Unnecessarily…and with that I will say…Your SO is AN ASSHOLE.
You ONLY will be given ONE set of parents in this life…learn to CHERISH THEM for as long as God gives them breath in this World.
It sounds like to me your parents feel more comfortable asking you to help them instead of your other siblings…be there for them, they would not be asking if they did not feel it was important…
And your SO giving you “the talk” would have ONLY happened with me ONE time…WTF …!?!
You work just like him…finally, it sounds like…Fuck him with that Bullshit…what are you…five…??
As if we as woman and mothers don’t know what we are responsible for…tell him to back the fuck up.
(We have been married 25yrs…and we established a deal along time ago…called “giving each other 3 steps”
(There’s a song with that phrase in it…) to our marriage it means…trusting each other long enough to give them three steps till the solution comes to bear…even though the other person doesn’t “know” wtf is going on…and meaning we back the fuck up and give that person just a little time…hence, the 3-steps…when we feel crowded by the other partner we will say…“fuck, will you just give me 3-steps”…it’s worked for us…and it’s not always said in that manner…but you get the drift…
If you SO cannot or will not understand…maybe it’s time to figure something else out…God Bless You.:heart:

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I work 2 part time jobs and stay at home with the kids (one work from home and a weekend cleaning job). LET my husband try and give me a “talk” about what I’ve been doing all day, much less try and keep me from my parents. Absolutely not. You need to stand your ground and tell him to f*ck off. :100::100:

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Your SO needs to grow up. You are not his servant to make sure he has everything he needs. Your parents are important to you and your well-being. Especially if helping them doesn’t take away from your own family. When your parents are gone you will be able to think about the memories you made helping them.

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The “TALK”??? Who is he to judge what you got done today or any other day!!! Babies alone are a full time job!! You need to have the “TALK” with him & straighten his ass out!!!

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The talk ? Hes not your daddy. Sounds like he is controlling u…better run girl

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Your husband sounds like a controlling narcissist! Why the hell do you work, do all the housework etc & have to explain to him why something isn’t done!! I HOPE THE ANSWER IS BECAUSE HE IS A LAZY ARSEHOLE WHO DOESN’T HELP!!
Sounds like he is jealous of the time you give to your parents!?
Be very careful his narcissistic ways will show through more & more…

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I’m sorry, but your SO is an ass, I was somewhat sympathetic because I thought he might feel left out, but then I got to the “talk” part. WOW :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

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Fuck him
Parents don’t last forever love them. Help them. They raised you. Fed you. Clothed you. Tell him to mind his own business. I don’t know why this triggers me. But my step mom and dad are my world I always drop everything I’m doing to answer a call. You never know why they will leave you.

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First off, hugs :hugs: to you. I can feel your stress and frustration through the post. You are giving 100% to your household when a partnership should be equally yolked. Your parents may be choosing you because they trust you are responsible enough to help them with these tasks. Unless English is his second language, he probably wouldn’t understand. I may have to tell hubby you’d be less tired if he decided to pick up a chore shift around the house and let you have some time for “self care.”

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Haha tell him to get a grip! I Love being able to help my mum, do what your doing and cherish them they won’t be around forever

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Leave him. He’s being selfish and acting like a man child. In your life you will always have your parents. You can always find you a real man who understands you. Get rid of him my darling :heart::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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codependency Is a thing. It’s not your job to take care of your parents. However, that decision is on you. He shouldn’t control your day to day.

Why do people leave the nest and get married if they’re still stuck on extended family. Holidays and the occasional get together sure, but I come from a huge family and YUK.

I would never want to be with someone who is an errand runner for their family. We have enough shit going on with our kids.

My wife is just burned out from herself. Only when she starts complaining about her family do I ever even say anything. She’s her own person. However we both made it very clear in our initial courtship that we are first before everyone else. But if her family actually needed her and wasn’t using her… that’s her choice. I might not like her being overextended but that’s her. At times you can feel lost/neglected/ left behind if the SO gives too much time but idk.

Once you get married you and your spouse ARE ONE.

These conversations should be had prior to I DO.

In no way should these kind of “TALKS” occur after kids/marriage. Sounds like you’ve been trapped.

The goal of marriage is to leave the nest and build YOUR life. What is wrong with this romanticized life where you have enough time to run a house, bust your ass at a job, give all your kids free time for their activities, do housework and manage extra people outside of your home. No thank you. When do you get YOU time!

5th of 8 kids… sounds like your the errand runner in your parents family and maybe even your husband is running you dry too because you’re so “caring”. Yea, that’s real unattractive. :face_vomiting:

I would give anything to have my mother back… Never stop helping them

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Easy… parents, just one set are given… SO, as many as you want to have in a lifetime… Pick your parents…

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I’ll drop everything on any given day to help my parents. They kept me alive and helped me. So idk what his problem is. He should consider himself lucky, its not like he’s doing anything. I sign my husband up to do stuff for my dad all the time. Really he should be hopeful that ur children grow up to be as amazing and helpful as you are.

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Your family is your family and your husband is controlling.

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Okay, so you work from home while caring & maintaining your 6 month old child and home, you make sure your spouse has clean clothing and a full belly everyday as well. That explains why you’re tired. You are doing too much inside your home and your feelings of your parents not being a burden is this, they are not your number 1 priority therefore it is feels easy for you. I get it. You’re exhausted, ask your spouse to help out when he is not working. Child and house duties are equal to each of you and they never end. You cook him a meal, he can do the dishes. Simple. Sounds like wants all your attention on him. Not cool.

I’m sorry, he sounds controlling as hell. To have a “talk” about what’s not done, I’d put my foot so far up his ass! Your parents are your parents. They raise you and sometimes in life it becomes our turn to help them. It also sounds like your husband is trying alienating you from your family

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… Be careful with this man, he sounds too controlling…They are your parents, and it is your choice,of course you want to help them…

I very much wish I would get that call to do something for my parents again. Dad’s been gone for 18 years and mom passed away 2 months ago…do what you can while you still have them…because one day you’ll be wishing they were still here

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I could understand a little if this was about financial help. Your husband is an asshat.

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You only have one set of parents and one day they won’t be there
Tell your husband you are going to help them out :purple_heart:

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Why are you working a full time job AND in charge of the entire household+child. If he wants you less tired and stressed tell him to step up and be 50/50 if you are both working full time that’s how it should be. You are not his maid or mother, you are PARTNERS

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Honestly I wouldn’t put up with his crap he’s not very caring and why should you always have to cook for him you work also please don’t stop helping your parents

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It is the least someone can do for the people who gave us life and looked after us for years.

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Tell him to worry about his self and if it bothers him that much that youre always tired he can step up and help out around the house and until then he can shut his mouth🤷

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I’d talk to him that you don’t mind and he’s just gonna have to accept that lol

That will be the day my spouse would tell me to stop doing things for my parents. I’d get rid of him first and I mean it

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I think your husband is a D-bag and he can totally help with the baby, the laundry, the cooking, the house… and if he wants to know what you’ve been doing all day he can stay home and help you with everything. And I mean everything. WE’RE feeding the baby, WE’RE changing her diaper, WE’RE giving her a bath. If he wants a shower he can bring her in with him just like you have to if she starts crying HE can cut his shower short and tend to her… etc etc… it’s no walk in the park. Also working from home means you’re still working. He can suck it.

I’d tell my husband to f off! Help others when u can 🤦

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I can see if they were calling asking for money all the time, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. THEY ARE YOUR PARENTS! What does he expect you to do

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Yeah, no, he’s in the wrong here. If you have the time to help your parents and you want to help your parents. Then help your parents. It shows that they trust you the most to be asking you to do all these things for them. But, even so, they are your parents and you are the only one who should have the say to help them or not.
Your husband sounds very selfish and immature. If you are doing all the housework, plus caring for the baby and working. Then he shouldn’t be making you feel bad for wanting to help your parents. And if he’s truly worried about you being so tired then he needs to step up and start doing the housework, cook dinner a few times a week and take care of the baby when he gets home. Marriage is a partnership and both of you should be doing equal work both in home and outside (work) of the home.

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While the family that you make is normally the priority, your parents are still your parents. And they’re equally important. If your home is running smoothly and your own responsibilities are being met, he has no business telling you anything about your parents. Also you say significant other and not husband… meaning they haven’t made any real commitment to you… you do you boo.

Domestic abuse comes in many forms. This is one of them.

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You need to seat down and have a conversation with your partner, if he really loves and cares about you then he would understand and support you, don’t you ever stop helping your parents because your partner gets upset, remember you only have one set of parents the day one of them is gone you will regret not being able to be there for them more or help them with their needs. Trust me I’m telling you from experience. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that type of situation sounds to me you’re dealing with a narcissist!!!

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He needs to get over himself!! Sorry hon he doesn’t sound very supportive at all. You definitely keep helping your family jeez it’s not like they’re asking for financial help

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Larger issues at work, here. Others need to pull the rope. If people can use you, your family or others, they will. Stand up! You do fabulous work and they need to do so little to make it all function. Make this ABUNDANTLY clear to all.

He is trying to control you

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Family is so important!!! if he doesnt see it that way, tell him one day you will be the one calling your child for help and it will hurt so much if it is denied because a spouse doesnt like it. Sorry youre going this.

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Your parents should be a very important part of your life, your husband has no right to get mad because you help them, and you’re not he’s slave for him to come home and get mad because you didn’t have time to do everything, don’t aloud him to control you like that. Don’t let him separate you from your family, if he tries to do that he’s not a good man. Someone who loves you should accept the fact that they’re your parents and you should have the freedom to do anything for them, and he needs to respect that. I’m 67years old, and my parents were everything to me and my husband understood and always respected that. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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Sounds like he’s a douchecanoe, controlling and a twatwaffle. I’d next his ass so fast. Lol

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They are your parents and if you do not mind then your SO shouldn’t either!

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Red Flag. It’s Controlling!
Tell him to shut it. Or get rid of him.

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He sounds controlling and why ain’t he doing half the house work or cooking or helping with child it’s not just your house or just your child he needs to step up if you both work maybe then u wouldn’t be so tired I’m a stay at home mom and my husband tells me as long as our son is taken care of that is my only priority and he helps out with meals and cleaning because the house is ours and he takes our son for awhile when he gets home

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Stop doing things for him

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I’d tell your spouse to go eat a big bag of black dicks

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Bye-bye to the boyfriend. Your parents will always be your parents, and they won’t be here forever. He can go and control someone else.

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I hope all of these comments don’t overwhelm you. He truly is just being controlling/possessive. You are allowed to help your parents and a mature and understanding man would willingly help them too. You are grown. He has no right to have a talk with you about what you have or haven’t done all day. You are allowed to be tired and get nothing done. Hell you’re allowed to be full of energy and get nothing done. It seems he is not okay with sharing you with your family and that’s a major red flag. It may not seem controlling now but people like that will take their time to drive a wedge between you and your loved ones.

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He sounds controlling & it sounds like its normal to you so you dont realize it. Thats not normal for your man to get angry for you helping your parents. Also, he shouldnt be having any type of “talks” with you if you didnt get certain things done. He needs to be greatful that you get anything done at all! Girl fuck him, I would kick his ass to the curb, he can go control some other naive bitch.

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I too help my parents. They are both disabled and have tons of health issues my mom is partially blind and my father has dementia. My husband and I along with our 3 children live with my parents now. I work take care of my kids and my parents and my spouse in the last 10 years has never once said I shouldn’t do something for my parents. If anything he helps me . No matter how stressed I am. It sounds to me like he isn’t very supportive of the things you do and maybe being a little controlling which eventually could end up in you loosing all your family and friends so he can have you all to his self. I hope you can find a solution with this issue but they are the only parents you’ll ever have. I have two older brothers and my husband does more for my parents than they do.

Those are your parents!!! They were there before him! The nerve of people

Your so is garbage. I am sorry but when I started reading this I was thinking helping like financially. So I was on his side. As I continued reading and saw it was literally helping them I switched sides. Your parents raised you, took care of you, taught you, and loved you. Something as small as these little favors is the least they are asking of you I say count your blessings. They are healthy and alive. I promise you when they are gone you will miss those phone calls.

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Throw that man AWAY!
What kind of man doesn’t want you helping your parents? If it doesn’t affect him then why make a fuss? He sounds like a manipulative person.

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Oh wow🥺

Your spouse sounds like a real peach btw :roll_eyes:

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Don’t stop helping. When there dead you will wish you helped. And RN they are very thankful for you and your help. Maybe they asked your other siblings but they don’t want to help( or there SO don’t want them to help too) either way. Be there for them.

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I would slap my son. If he treated his girlfriend’s parents that way. It’s hard enough to not always understand. I mean they’ve raised us and are always there for us. The least we can do is make a phone call here in there.

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Wow…I am sorry but I have a different opinion that majority it seems. I would not do so much for my parents. They are adults and can make appointments for themselves. Businesses such as doctors and such have translators for this reason. I can understand your SO point as well because I have gone through it with him and his family. It really irritated me as they are fully capable of handling little crap by themselves and not rely on someone else to do it for them. Something big like helping with a project that is heavy or complicated…okay no problem. My mom is disabled and she does majority of her daily living. When she is over I hardly do anything except lift heavy items.

I would sit my SO down and explain to him he can calmly discuss issues he sees with it and I would personally compromise. Really if your parents do not do it for themselves how do you expect them to be able too? If for some reason you are not around are they then going to do it for themselves or go to another child of theirs? Why don’t they go to one of their other children? Could it be that they know they will not help because the parents are capable of handling those situations? It seems to me you are overworked by taking care of everything. You, work, baby, SO, the home, and your parents. If you are tired at the end of the day doing EVERYTHING for everyone then it is time to prioritize. Do you see a relationship with your SO? I can say that it will not get better the current route.

I help my mum all the time with anything, parents aren’t around for long I’d do anything for my mum.

Your partner sounds controlling.

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