My spouse won't stop having loud parties: What should I do?

I wanted some advice on how I should go about my situation. I am a mom of 3. I rent a home with my SO. We are both on the rental agreement. We both pitched in evenly to get this place. I left being a single mom and six years of stability in my own home to move to better and start a family with someone I gave another shot to after years of not being together. I know I was stupid. Why did I go back but I did. I thought we both grew, so let’s see. Well, one year later, he’s drinking now almost every day/every night. We already got a complaint about the music being too loud past 10, but he still goes outside blaring music being loud playing games past 10. Right now Its 1 am on Saturday, and he has a bunch of friends, and they are all drinking being loud outside. Some are in and out of my home. If I say anything, he states, “this is my house; I can do what I want,” so of course, my rules or opinions don’t matter. I have talks with him, and nothing seems to click. It’s not an environment I want my kids to be raised around almost every day, and it’s getting hard to make him understand. They can’t go outside without a bunch of drunks in the way or overhearing the bad language. I know I need to leave its that time where I cant to make our relationship work anymore for the right reasons, but in the meantime, What do I do? He says he will move out when he finds a place, but when? So How can I get my rules to be listened to? Can I call the cops past ten even if I live here and how just 911, or is there a non-emergency number I’m supposed to use? Should I tell the landlords? What if they see a problem and want us out? Can I talk to them about maybe evicting him because he’s the one causing my kids and me to possibly lose our home? I know I need to leave this relationship, but I am currently unable to up and leave, or I would. . with my kids starting school, no money to start all over again, and I don’t feel like we deserve to leave. What should I do? Talking to him is now out of the question, and we are apparently over while still living together, but I can’t move on or be happy, and I still have to deal with the things he does here at home, like the drinking around us being loud and obnoxious.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My spouse won't stop having loud parties: What should I do?

In my state we need to serve an eviction notice. That would be my 1st step, as well as obtaining a lawyer to establish custody.

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I would start off with talking to the landlord and see if you qualify for the house on your own. Then what he thinks as far as getting him off the lease and eviction process you would have to take. You can always call the non emer for your area and complain about the loud noise and act like a neighbor. But if he found out it was you he can make living with him worse then it is now

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I’d talk to the landlord

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I been there before had to take my kids and leave that’s no way to raise babies…

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I personally would call the landlord and explain the situation, that you want to stay but want him gone, and ask if they’d support you in this. Usually they want a good tenant that stays and if he is causing noise complaints, they’ll have grounds to evict him. They can chose to lease to you alone.

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When his buddies go home tell him to go with them if they have no respect for you and your children

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You can talk to your land lord or even local police department and ask them how that would work with you wanting to file a complaint when you live with him. Best wishes !

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Just leave. I’d rather start all over again without money than deal with that for the rest of my life

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I think you already answered your own question.
In any event he is not spouse/partner material. Drop him and d6ont take him back ever again.

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See if the landlord can help you out, maybe get him evicted from the place

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Landlord to evict him

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I would start calling the police when he has parties. Be an annoyed neighbor complaining about the noise lol

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Can’t u just legally evict him? I know in my state while renting either talk to ur landlord or go to the court house and get eviction notice to the roommate

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I would talk to the landlords.

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How long is your lease? If you are responsible for a lease…I’d silently start building a nest egg to get you and your children out of that situation as soon as it was technically possible. Sometimes just knowing a plan with hope in the horizon is the boost to get us through

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I am so sorry you are dealing with thius…

You absolutely can call the non emergency number and report a loud party anonymously.
Then have a chat with the landlord, explain the situation, that he’s having loud parties and has numerous noise complaints and you’re wanting to leave him and what you need to do.

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Girl definitely talk to the landlord.
In the meantime you can call the police department and report noise complaints
Might also consider making the morning after unbearable
Turn on some music and vacuum the house before going out for the day. Noise and hangovers on a regular basis usually make them want to gladly leave

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Call the cops. Tell them you don’t want any partying because you have kids in the house. They will make him leave because it’s dysfunctional to do around kids. I did and I wasn’t even on the lease but because he was drunk and there were kids at home they made him leave.

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Speak to the landlord. Let them know he is the problem. You may be the one who has to pay for the eviction. But, as long as the landlord is on your side it shouldn’t be a problem as long as you are fully capable of paying the bills by yourself.

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I’m in a similar situation. I’m getting out. After another chance it’s not going to change even 4 years later and a kid.

So sorry. Call and talk to your landlord. They can evict him. Have his name taken off the lease. Make audio recordings every time he has parties. Call DHR. He’s not fit to be around your children. Call some women’s crisis lines. Maybe they can help. Prayers things get better

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Problem with reporting to police you may have CPS involvement…which you seriously don’t want…be careful…see if there’s a friend you can stay with while he’s partying and have someone calling the police. With you and the kids not at the house during their confrontation you should be okay…maybe that will get the ball rolling and him out the door. Good luck!

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Save up your money, tell the landlord and leave his ass

You can always get a protective order and they will make him leave…

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Yes your landlord can evict him if you ask n explain the situation

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In Some States. You Can Have Yourself Or Your Partner. Legally Removed From The Lease. Where A Child’s Safety Is A Concern

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Talk to the landlord about taking over the lease completely, let him know that your SO is the one causing noise complaints and you can’t put up with it and see if he will just evict him while you take over full payments. A new lease will need to be drawn up but if that doesn’t work I would be looking into finding a new place and let the landlord know what’s going on. Whatever you do don’t let your SO know what your plans are. But I would definitely leave him high and dry because that’s not fair to you or your kids that he’s immature and can’t act like a man

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Speak to the landlord definitely. He is making the house uninhabitable and under your lease agreement you do not need to stay legally. they need to either let you out of your lease or evict him. Do not call the police. You could get DPS/CPS involved because of the kids and you don’t want that.

You know what to do. You said: “I know it’s time to leave”. Leave. In this situation your not going to come out with your share. You win some, you lose some.

First and foremost your children are in DANGER!! PERIOD, they CANNOT continue to be around people who are under the influence like this, this is a really dangerous environment they are being raised in, im sorry but this wouldn’t even be a questiob or a discussion either he needs to go or you go

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Are you dating my ex??
Seriously I went through the same thing, I had to have an emergency protection order, which included evicting him from my rental (his name was not on my lease, but the police considered him a common law resident). I further won a 2 yr protection order from our son, my 3 kids from a previous relationship and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.
If you aren’t in a domestic violence situation, I’m not sure what you can do, but my landlord allowed me to remove my ex from my lease and change the locks when he left my home.

LEAVE! He doesn’t care about being a family!

My advice is reach out to your landlord and give them a run down of what is going on and that you don’t want kicked out as a result of him and can they terminate his portion of the lease. They may have to take it to court but that would just be for him. I wouldn’t call the police yourself, if neighbors are already calling they will just keep calling and eventually the warnings will stop and he can get arrested if he isn’t complying with them.

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Throw the whole spouse out the window.

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He’s using you to cover half the bills, never really cared about you or your kids.

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Go over your signed lease agreement and find which rules hes breaking THEN go to your landlord. I had to do this with a past
Roommate. Make sure you have your documentation and proof. Otherwise the ex could take legal action against the landlord and THATS not worth the landlords risk. Get proof, then talk.

It sounds like they didn’t grow up and you need to get out of that situation (when you can I know it’s hard sometimes) for you and your kids that’s not a good person for them to look up to at all and me saying leave of course means save up as much as you can and get out while trying to deal or see if anyone close will take you guys in for a bit it’s sucks I know my ex was the same

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Leave him to his loud,obnoxious self and friends.
Get out of that mess, he isnt ever going change, you gave him a chance,whice was stupid on your part. So suck it up and get those kids out of that mess that u put them in. Time to grow up

Speak to ur landlord… call the cops on him urself… every single time he is loud past 10pm…tell the cops he is loud etc around ur kids… get a restraining order on him… no judge will throw a mother out over a drunk twat… record his abuse and behaviour … every night until u have enough evidence to prove this is his norm and the shit u have to put up with…
Ur done talking to this prick… he obviously doesbt give any f*cks for u or ur children…
Get rid and never look back… do it now.

Serve him with divorce, child support, and eviction papers

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Addicts harm everyone. Even if it’s alcohol. Bad example for your children. Alanon for you

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I call the police as a neighbor. I would also add to the complaint that people are leaving (driving) under the influence. I would also change the locks or lock and chain the doors. Then when he acts a fool call the police for him acting a fool. Then get a restraining order.

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Yes talk to your landlord is where I would start.

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I was in the same situation and had to leave 2 years ago. My kids were becoming teenagers and more aware

Either leave or think him out. All the landlord to give him notice to move out and/or evict him with cause, if you’re wanting to stay there. Otherwise just move out and go back to having your own place.

Who is on the lease??

Gurl you did it once. Do it again. Drop the dead weight.

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Since he wants to act like it’s “his home”, you quit paying rent and save your money for a place of your own. He can’t make you leave any more than you can make him. And If he refuses pay the rent, it’ll take time for them to evict you. At that point, you may even be able to work a deal with your landlord to evict HIM if you pay your rent.

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Move in with someone for now your children does not need this around them at all, have the landlord take him off the lease ASAP and get him out of there. PERIOD!!!

You can come together with landlord and kick him out if a problem

Leave for the sake of them babies that’s not healthy for them

Talk to social worker privately

leave with the kids you can call police you can lock & bolt doors when he and buddies go outside but best bet pack a bag for you and babies and get the fuck out it only going get worse

Pack your stuff and leave. You most definitely don’t need that in your life.

Yea your husband needs to be more mature stable he has 3 kids and a wife he has neighbors he needs to grow up he is no longer a teenager .

Plant foot hard and don’t worry about what he says. You have to be the voice for your kids and put their wellbeing first. My now ex got this way and I didn’t put up with it long. I would run the friends off myself if I had to and yes you can call the non emergency number to have police show up but if the landlord has to step in the it’s the whole house that gets evicted. So long as you stay passive about this it will never end.

That’s a hard one . Have him evicted from the home untill he grows up and take responsibility ( that’s if you want him back ). Too much for the children too

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Leave!!
If you can’t maybe talk to the landlord let him know what’s going on and take him off the lease and get him outta there!

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Move out of “his place” and get your own place…problem solved.

Talk to the landlord first

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He said he’d move out… And you could stay? Sounds like it’s your home. Kick him and his friends out and no don’t call 911 but you can call the v non emergency number

So, your not married…

Be careful with calling the cop’s. They like to contact CPS all the time. Especially if they can’t remove him from the home (he’s on lease, has been there more than 30 day’s, and gets mail there, ect). And you say you have no where else to go to stay for a little. Where I live, there is 2 women’s center’s. And a homeless shelter. They are so nice!! You get your own room, bed and dresser for each of you. Free washer and dryer! They give grocery gift cards for food, vouchers for clothes! And it’s all free, until you get a job and can make it on your own. They even pay first months rent and security! When you prove you can afford it by yourself. And have a program to get you a car! It’s a really wonderful thing! Look into something like that. If they won’t remove him.

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Tell his friends that you have small children that need to sleep, so it’s time for them to go home. And then turn on the sprinklers outside, and kill the music. That should put a damper on things.

If all else fails, a few judiciously placed stink bombs should clear your place out pretty quickly. :smiling_imp:

He is a jerk that doesn’t and will never respect you. He does not care if you and the kids are happy and safe. I wouldn’t stay having all these random drunk a$$ people around my children. It is an unsafe situation.

Call in anonymous tips

If you were self sufficient before. You can be again. The kids are always the ones to suffer. You already have 3. You do not need 4. Don’t be his scapegoat. Girl you got this.

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Could you talk to the landlord about removing you from the lease and move out? That would remove you from any financial obligation for the remainder of the lease. If he’s partying with his friends like that, he’s not going to look for a place.

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Difficult situation but you can’t control anyone else, just yourself. It probably wouldn’t be safe for you to stay, so save up as much as much money as you can and leave as soon as you’re able to.

Why are you still there? Take your kids and go. Just make sure you take your name off the lease. Because, he’s not going to change for you.

3 kids and loud parties. Leave please :heart: :heart:

Put your foot down. Tell him why and if he chooses to ignore you kick them out. Being quiet selfish and disrespectful to everyone else who lives in the house.

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I’m sorry many people seem to have not read your post correctly. I see all the comments saying you should leave but you have made it quite clear why you can’t. Call the landlord and let them know what is going on and ask them to kick him out. I’m sure what he’s doing goes against the lease agreement.

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I stopped reading halfway through. You need to get your kids out of there. God forbid one of his drunken friends makes their way into one of the children’s bedrooms…

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If you’ve already gotten complaints, go to management and tell them you’ve tried to get him to move out due to his behavior and he won’t.
If they can’t or won’t help, they may have other means of helping, i.e. telling you how to evict himself yourself or something to that effect.

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Talk to your landlord and tell them and see what they say . Good luck

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I’d be using the fuse box and a hose to my advantage🤷lol
Turn off the power to the music, and then hose down the party …watch how fast it breaks up and stops happening when the fun constantly gets rained on.:innocent:
Cuz he’s correct…it’s his house to… but it’s also yours…and I’d be doing whatever I gotta, to make sure my kids are good…
Hoses work wonders with chasing off strays🤷😂.
(And you can’t be charged😜)

Beyond that…I’d be working fast to ensure that 1) I can move out sooner rather then later, or 2) talk to landlord, get him off the lease, and give him his notice to vacate.
Either way, he’s gotta go.
Cuz if he can’t respect his woman and kids in their/his home…ya…boy bye. Thank you, next!

Or if a fight starts, call the cops(non emergency line). They’ll break up the party and have him go elsewhere to keep the peace. Having a paper trail makes things easier if you gotta go the kicking him out route.(should he fight it)

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Start partying with your friends on the weekend! Take the kids to a sitter and invite some people over. Do it and have fun. If he says anything about it tell him “it’s my house, I do what I want!” He’s a selfish ass hole and needs kicked to the curb ASAP!

Call the cops as often as you want to report loud noise and disorderly people in the yard than call the landlord and explain he is a problem and causing problems and perhaps the landlord will evict him and agree to rent to just you! He can’t say he won’t listen to the rules if they are the landlords rules . I have a feeling if the cops show up often enough people will stop coming over. You can remain anonymous when you call

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Get the complaints and take them to the court house and file a eviction yourself. However if your done you should just find another place that way you don’t have to worry about him popping up because he knows where you live.

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You have no idea how it will escalate if you provoke him by calling the police. If you do involve them, make it anonymous. You said you feel you shouldn’t have to leave but in all honesty it is the right thing to do with kids involved. It would be a less toxic and climactic approach of ending this. Trying to get him evicted is going to get nasty really quick. It isn’t always easy doing the right thing. Good luck.

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If he won’t leave then you have to. You can’t force him out. And you could call the cops, not sure what they would do except tell him to keep it down. If it becomes and issue with the neighbors it’s possible the landlord will kick you out. I know you say you can’t leave but he’s on the lease so you can’t kick him out. I think it would be very difficult for the landlord to make him leave but let you stay.

Get out!!! No excuses.! Get your kids away from this pig.

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If you have any friends or family close by ask them if you and your children can stay with them while you save to get a place also speak to your landlord about things they might know how to help you and your children
Good luck

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Ask the landlord if they have a place you can move to and remove you from this lease. Explain your situation. If they have a hear or brain they would help you. The go to social services and have them help you get a different place and start over with the kids. Then get the police involved and tell them he is a trouble maker and you need help removing yourself from the situation. With all three you have a good chance to make things better. Get away from him money or not. The kids will remember all this and the sooner you leave the sooner you and they will feel better and safer.

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Stand ur ground. If he respects you he will change. Might be a slow process, for a change would be for anyone. But the effort must be known. If not he must go. You have the kids they need a home. Why should they suffer for his immaturity :woman_shrugging:. Good Luck.

Definitely bring this up to the landlords. I know there are always horrible landlord stories but if these are regular, every day landlords and not a huge corporation they are more likely than not very understanding and would want to keep a good renter in the house and not have to deal with vacancy. So if you go to them and explain the situation and with the noise complaints, they could absolutely evict him unless there are still eviction moratoriums where you are (but even then idk if those pertain to all reasons of evictions or only for those having problems paying rent because of covid)

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And what happens when you go out there and tell them all to get the fuck out?

That’s the real question.

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If you call the cops use the non emergency number. You can talk to your landlord about the troubles about wanting to stay and wanting to make your guy leave, they deserve a heads up. You also need to get a plan to move yourself maybe your landlord had something else available. Your kids deserve better.

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Put a restraining order on him if you feel he’s not safe around you or your children problem solved

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Ask your landlord if they are willing to help you by giving you an eviction notice (just to cancel the lease). Then allow you to redo the lease with just you. Keeping everything the same as now.

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You call your police department, and hit the dispatch key. You can and should call the cops. This is your children’s home, and he is not immune to city rules. It’s his home so he can party. Well it’s your home too and you can call the cops.

You can also make his friends time at your house absolutely miserable. :smirk:

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What he is doing is emotional abuse as well as endangering your children. I’d definitely talk to your landlord. Bring up the complaints. Tell him/her if the cops have been involved or if neighbors came to your door who they are. Tell him approximately when this happens. You need your landlord to know that you are not part of this. Most likely everyone around you assumes you are. It’s the “if she doesn’t like it she wouldn’t put herself in this position frame of mind.” If you’re receiving assistance tell your caseworker. Depending on the state & landlords policies they may evict all of you. Ive heard of both. It seems complexes will evict everyone on the lease while some private landlords will ask the abusive party to leave & rewrite the lease. Or take you off the lease & leave him solely responsible. You have to talk to them. If it doesn’t get remedied through your landlord a call to CPS might be necessary. They will investigate the home/both of you. Record the drunks, save text messages etc. If CPS deems him a danger they can assist you in leaving him & getting off the lease. Another option is going through a DV agency. Follow the program. They can help you too.

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Talk to your landlords they might have another place for you to stay and will end up evicting him with all the partying.

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Save up and move out.

I would personally meet with your landlords to discuss the situation and explain to them what you just did. They can help and evict just him especially considering he’s the one causing disturbances and it’s not fair for you and your kids to have to leave your home when you’re not the problem. Once I discussed it with them, and ask them how would they suggest it to be handled in order to go about things the right way, I would then just ignore his actions. It seems as if saying something may be keeping him doing it out of pure spite (what it sounds like just from what I read of course, just my opinion) so maybe you and your kids stick to your routine, and although walking on eggshells is hard, after speaking to the landlords you will have kind of a time frame on what to expect and when to expect him to be out. It’s kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don’t kind of situation but I hope things work in your favor and your and your little ones have some peace brought back into your life and home. :purple_heart:

You said you were fine on your own before so get out and get rid of him think about your kids. You guys don’t need that

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