My spouse works with someone that I feel uncomfortable with: Advice?

Mine SO has a woman that he works with. They are really close and almost to close for my comfort. This didn’t become uncomfortable for me until we all went to a get-together, and she was ignoring her family to follow mine, SO around EVERYwhere, he went. I shrugged it off, telling myself that he is probably the only one that she is comfortable without of all the other coworkers. Then it started getting weird as she was racing in front of me to get next to him, and I just laughed because I started seeing what was going on. My SO started getting nervous and even sweating. I told him it’s fine and I’m not worried about it. Well, when we were getting our family together to head home she asked for a ride to her house… she lived around the corner, and when my SO told her no (because we couldn’t fit her and her family in the same car as our family) she told him that her husband would walk with their kids and she can just ride with us…??? He again told her, no, and she almost threw a fit and came up to me telling me she really wanted us to come over and asked about four times getting the same answer out of me “we can do it another weekend, but it’s late, and the kids need to get home.” Four times! She bought my SO an extravagant gift, and on the card that she gave him, she didn’t include our family and just made the card out to him. There have been other things, but these are the most recent events. Should I have a conversation with her? I’ve tried letting the earlier events go, but it won’t stop, and it’s becoming frustrating. My SO thinks I’m overreacting about the card, but isn’t it just respectful to acknowledge the entire family on the card? And after the way she acted at the get-together, it made the unmentioned family that we have more frustrating.Am I overreacting?

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Nope, this woman is out of line.

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No, tell your so to tell her to back the hell off

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Something smells fishy

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No. She is crossing so many boundaries. Hubby needs to be the one to tell her to back off.

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I say a conversation with her needs to be held. She is clearly over stepping her boundaries. If your husband is feeling harrassed even at work then I would file for harrassment. If that doesn’t work a good old fashion ass whoopin is what she needs.

Tell her to step back

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Call her out! Shes overstepping her boundaries! Make it known you wont tolerate it.

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It is his job to put her in her place. If she feels comfortable stepping over the line it is because your man is letting her.

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Why did he start to sweat is my question? Hmm

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The fact your husband was getting nervous is a massive red flag to me.

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You better get rid of her she ain’t no friend of yours or your family

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No you’re not. People need to respect others family.

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womens intuition… call her out on it.

Trust your gut. In my experience the “oh dont worry about it” was always something…but if you trust your hubby get him to tell her to back off!

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Nope, you’re not overreacting. She needs to be put in her place. She already crossed the line.

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Your SO needs to set rules on her stop seeing her after work and let his boss know shes harrassing his family if he refuses hes cheating or wants to cheat!

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Never tell your man… “its fine”. Now he knows youre ok With her being there… he will cheat on you with her. Men cannot resist temptation

Go talk to her husband… or be a real woman and look at her and say. Stay away from my man or you will end up on the ground with my foot on your throat…

Either fight for whats yours. Or move on…

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Tell her to stay in her lane.

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No you don’t need to have a conversation with her. She acts this way because your spouse gives her a reason to. HES who needs to be given the conversation with.

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You should have said something the 1st time instead of letting it go, baby girl would have been got cussed out

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Gift my my coworkers are directly for me, not my family.

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Some broads just don’t get it. You are not overreacting. If you don’t like it, then you shouldn’t have to deal with it.

She needs to get back in her lane. And if I were you I would definitely say something to her. Possibly say something to her in front of her SO. But you just might want to start looking in your SO direction. Your SO should have already told her to stop, and since he isn’t that raises flags for me… good luck

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Meh tell her husband that should solve it

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She would need to back off before she jumps into ypur bed…

I would definitely say something to her in front of my husband. Sounds like she has a thing for your man.

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No you’re not. He’s cheating on you with that woman :woman_shrugging:t2:

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I would talk to him again and ask himself if it would be ok if it were the other way around… just a thought

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No you need to have real talk with him, not her.

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At my age I always say it takes two to tango. Something smells fishy here to me.

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He needs to set the tone and u need to be honest especially from the beginning

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No you are not. Talk to her ASAP!

A card like that normally is a here nor there for me. Friends sometimes just get a gift for friends not for the whole family BUT in this situation it’s very obvious she is keen on him so it probably would affect me more too. HE needs to speak to her not you. It won’t work coming from you.

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No that’s definitely not ok. I had something similar happen when me and my so were dating. I went to a work thing for one of his co-workers that was leaving and he had been drinking. This chick started following him around and flirting like no other and due to him drinking he was flirting right back while I was there. We got in a huge fight over it and I told him I lost sleep to be able to go with him (I worked 3rd shift at the time) and he flirted with someone else and it was disrespectful of both of them to do so. He doesn’t drink much any more and avoids that chick now cause she was sober when she was doing it. This was like 5 years ago.

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You should confront your man first. Must have been a reason he got nervous and started sweating.

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I mean, obviously he’s making her feel comfortable enough to act that way around him…

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Your husband needs to be a man and address it

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No!!! She is crossing a ton of lines! With the gift if she wasn’t jumping in front of you to be beside him and those things, then I could understand only addressing the gift to him…but being that she did cross lines and shes met your family…I would DEFINITELY have a convo with her! Or even with her hubby! I know if you seen these things her husband probably did too!

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Get her out of your family’s life shes up to no good

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Put that bitch in her place and put your husband in his .

He’s cheating on you with her why else would he be nervous n sweating :rofl:

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He needs to set her straight but also… this is a coworker who is overstepping… may need to talk to HR and get them to help draw the line of what’s acceptable.

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Nope tell him to tell her to back the hell off

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Hell no. He needs to put her i. Her place in front of you or with you on the phone and if he doesn’t, then I’d question him too?!

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Shit I would not only have a talk I’d get a Restraining order. This isn’t going to end well.

This woman is trying to steal your family. Always go by ur gut feelings because, most of the time it is rite. I had the Same thing happen to me an that gut feeling was rite.

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I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband is not “looking around” and he would get nervous and awkward if some woman did this infront of me so I disagree with these other women saying that it must means hes in on it.
I would give your husband the opportunity to fix this himself but if it goes unaddressed by the next time you are all together again I would take it upon myself to say something.
But I would have also said something that night but that’s just me.

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Honestly he should be the one to tell her to back off! He should make a line for her that is not to be crossed! He is prob saying your over reacting because A. He is doing something he isnt supposed too or B. He doesnt want conflict, which both reasons could explain the nervousness and sweating! If he doesn’t see a problem, then he is the problem! Women are going to act this way if a man allows them too! If you have a talk with her and things go bad for him at work or with her then he is just going to blame you! YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME AND YOU SAID THEIR IS MORE THINGS THEN JUST THIS, BUT THIS WOULD MAKE ME CONCERNED AS WELL! Also, if he says “i cant help what other people do or how they act”, thats BS unless he sets boundries for her and she continues to cross the line, then he is right but if he doesnt set any boundries, thats a clasic he wants her around (more then just a coworker)

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More about his response than hers. You know him better so you should judge his comfort and reaction

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He should be the one steeping up and saying something. We were at a friend’s house and the friends sister (who was married with kids) . Would leave my husband alone. My husband told her stright up she was making him uncomfortable and he was married and put his arm around me and said this one is my everything. The girl didn’t know what to do. Your husband should be saying something… and yes the card should say at least your husbands name & Family.

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Shes a Grinder …throat punch her

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Go out with ALL of them again & when she does this stuff say something LOUD AND CLEAR TO HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND AND YOURS!!! That should end that!! ( should have called her out the first time… However… you still can!). But, also ypur husband needs to Step up if he’s being faithful to you! If he likes this or is cheating he won’t care and will make you look like the crazy person… then you surely will know.

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Sounds like the psyco girls in my town. Talk to her and her husband. Your husband should be with you for this conversation.

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I would get your SO the chick and her SO and confront the situation head on there is something going on there or they want something to go on

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I think she’s definitely up to no good, but I feel like he is as well. You mentioned the fact that he got nervous and even started sweating when you noticed what was going on, so that tells me he knows he’s doing something wrong, But what is it? Something is not right here…

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She sounds like a psycho lol be careful

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If it took my husband 2x telling a girl no and she kept persisting, I’d be confronting them both. like WTF is happening here, not normal. She sounded like borderline obsessed. If he perhaps gets nervous, maybe he likes the attention, and is totally aware but doesn’t reciprocate? Idk, I’d talk to the husband if mine was doing the gas lighting bit.

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First you need to gather evidence in whatever way you can if you think he won’t be honest with you and then talk to your man, why’s he nervous and sweaty if he’s not doing anything wrong? Then you need to confront her.

No you are not overreacting.
I would mention something right straight to her husband !

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This happened to me. This girl wouldn’t stop and it went on way to long and way to far so much drama for no reason. He needs to just cut her off because she’s becoming obsessive over him.

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It’s his job to put her in her place and if her and her actions are making u uncomfortable he needs to do so ASAP

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She obviously feels comfortable being up his ass… you might wanna check w him?

Now I need to know what’s going on! Lol.

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Tell your husband either he tells her to back off or you’ll go to her husband and let him know what’s up. Some may think that’s overstepping but you gotta correct that chick and redirect her back to her assigned seat.

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She sounds like a bunny boiler to me :grimacing:

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She is up to no good . Tell your husband speak to her and if he doesnt then you need to in front of her husband so he is aware of it . As for the card your name and kids should’ve been included

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She needs knocked tf out

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No. Its definitely trouble.

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Definitely have a talk with her.

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I’ve been close to a male worker like that before and it meant nothing. We were friends. The only reason you would have to be uncomfortable is if you don’t trust your husband. You also don’t know her, her life, what her home life is like, maybe she needed an escape. I’ve been in that situation too. But it really all just boils down to that it would only bother you if you don’t trust your husband. The end.

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You need to have a serious talk with your husband. He probably hasnt slept with her but there is probably some hardcore flirting going on between them.

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You need to have a talk with her and put her in check

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First and foremost he shouldn’t be accepting gifts from women. She should have given it to you, out of respect!! And second, yes you should have a conversation with her AND her husband !!!

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Go with your gut. Nip it in the butt NOW!

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Talk to her and hwr husband at the same time so there is no confusion.

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Want the truth. A good man would put a stop to it without u asking. You can talk to the other girl but she isn’t the only problem… your husband shouldn’t be be letting her do those thing. I had a “friend” message my husband once asking how he was doing (for no reason) he responded with why don’t you ask my wife.
Then showed me the message.
You shouldn’t have to be the one to message the other person! I’d be having a talk with your hubby on how he would feel if it was you being flirted with by another man like that in front of him.

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Sounds like your husband needs to step up and tell her something . Weirdly he seems too comfortable with this. Maybe something is going on? I’d confront her and him. He should be giving you your place.

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Trust your gut!! And don’t buy into the 'you are overreacting BS.
2 possible scenarios.
He is involved in some way… from just getting his ego fed at work or he’s having a different appetite satisfied…the fact that she’s totally ok with being so aggressive in front of you tells me
He’s ok with it.
You need to set some rules and go to
Marriage
Counseling with your husband.
If he’s being honest with you and faithful report her conduct to a supervisor

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They are only friends
She is married so i would not worry

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Shiiit! If it’s not a problem, YOUR hubby won’t mind you confronting her or HER husband. Why tf would her hubby be ok with her acting like that? Girl, speak up! Get all 3 together If you have to! Your hubby will either respect it and get over it or you sleep on the couch to make a point until he does!

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Sounds like a person I know with borderline personality disorder.

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What did she buy for him?

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Sounds like he’s trying to keep work relationships civil and she’s after his D. Put her in her place NOW

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I would be absolutely dumbstruck with this girls audacity :woman_facepalming: moving past that though, she’s super comfortable with YOUR man and there’s a reason for that. Maybe she’s absolutely bat shit crazy, Obsessed style :woman_shrugging: Or maybe you need you need to let your man know you know :woman_shrugging: get mad girl before you’re standing there look stupid, it’s too hard to pull off an affair when your wife is in the same room as your side piece, that’s why tf he’s sweating

It isn’t what she is doing, it’s why she’s feels so comfortable doing it. Talk to that hubby of yours!

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Been there sweetie but there is more to this than you think or than he is letting you know then to top it off making you question your own gut feeling and what your own eyes saw…
If he hasn’t slept with her then it is right around the corner.
You need to talk to him cause he is the one that is letting it continue and until he grows a set and becomes a man then he shall continue to play and act like a boy.
Yes it takes two to tango but he knows where he stands in his and your relationship hell her and her man may have an open relationship but your man should have already put a stop to it.

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Yes you need to speak to her. The way to keep crap from hitting the fan is don’t accuse. “I feel like there’s an issue” , " I felt offended when"…“I’m concerned about”… (You get the idea, make it about what you see and feel and not accusations).

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I would DEFINITELY be having words with this bitch.

You are right to be worried. As others have stated, she is up to no good. Whether or not your husband is reciprocating is another thing. One can never tell with husbands.

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She has a problem and it could be serious maybe speak to her husband. Or not

That does sound troubling. He should speak to human resources. She has an issue with boundaries. She sounds like she would cause more harm. If I were him, I would talk to himan resources and cover his own arse.

You need to tell your man you’re not overrating and he nneds to respect your feelings first. He needs to be the one to say back off to her.

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Nope.nope.nope. shut that shit down asap! Your HUSBAND needs to create a boundary with her. There’s a reason she feels so comfortable with him- he sets the precedent that her behavior is ok. This is not an issue with the co-worker… This is an issue with your husband!!!

Same thing happened with my cousin’s wife and my ex-husband. He insisted it was nothing…they are married now.

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No you can trust your husband but sometimes it’s other women that make you uncomfortable. She maybe trying to pursue him. You need to first talk with your husband and give him the chance to step up and end the situation. For example I had a guy at my job that would always pm me and keep saying and doing things that made me feel uncomfortable and I had to let him know there was a harassment policy in place and I would use it. If he doesn’t choose to end it then I would question him bc she wouldn’t do things like that if she didn’t feel it was ok to do.

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I’d beat the brakes off her, but thats just me. :woman_shrugging:

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Kindly, REFUSE the gift. Send it back.

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If something doesn’t feel right, it never is! She is acting that way for a reason. I would find out what’s really going on if I were you!

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I’ve had too much experience with this myself… If HE looks nervous, he probably is nervous. And if she’s rushing to stand next to him so you can’t, there’s a reason for it. Id confront both of them with her husband in the same room.

Fuck that noise.

A good husband would have moved himself to be beside you, shot her down, rejected her gift, and set her straight so you wouldn’t have to say something.