I’ve been with my husband for eight years. My stepchild is nine years old and extremely disrespectful to me. I get anxiety at the thought of having to watch the stepchild while my husband works or leaves the house. I also have four other children, only two of the other 4 are by my husband. I absolutely get sick thinking of watching my stepchild when my husband is gone. My stepchild lives with us. Stepchild beats up younger siblings, calls me names, calls all the other children fat, dumb he calls me piece of crap , ugly, stupid. We all basically try to avoid the stepchild because I not there will be a issue. I seriously feel like I am keeping my children in a mentally and physically unsafe environment. I am considering leaving because my stepchild is really driving me insane. However, I feel like this is not a real reason to leave your marriage because I don’t want to be around this kid. I also want my kids to be able to be with their dad. But this is becoming too much for me!
Does the father of the child stop his behaviour? If not then I’d consider leaving to.
Have you talk you your husband about it?!
I stopped reading at…”watch my child”
But best of luck.
What does your husband think of his son? Sounds like the son needs to get counseling.
The husband needs to fix this…and sounds like the child could use some consequences and maybe some counseling
Sit down as a family and address the issues.
Step up and show him who is the boss. That’s your house. Not his. Punish him like you would the others. Don’t back down to a child.
I chose my children over a brat like that I was gonna have to deal with …he was fully capable of behaving …10…listen…you can go either way with this… but I would choose your children’s safety and mental and physical well-being before anyone…even your husband if hes not gonna do anything about it
Sounds like a messed up kid that needs serious help
Get the husband and stepchildren to some counseling asap… sounds like there’s an problem that the child can’t deal with and is taking it out on the rest of the family … where is his bio mum, was there problems there ???
This child needs discipline and consequences for his actions. It won’t only be your household being affected if it doesn’t get addressed now. He will be doing this to others.
He shouldn’t be letting his child disrespect an adult like that much less his step mother… nor bully the siblings to that extent… smh this is his responsibility to address , and your only job is to show that child the love it needs
Leave … I did…and glad I did…I try and work things out but theres only so much your children should have to be in that mess…leave and be a happy single mom…I did
You accepted that child as part of you when you took your vows. You don’t “watch” your children.
Maybe you need to have a talk with your husband, because that child is going nowhere. Especially if your husband has custody and he lives with you
This needs to be tackled head on with both of you on the same page. If there’s a difference between the parenting the child will find the cracks. If you feel uneasy with him odds are he feels the same. I’d try something different to try connect with them on a deeper level…after all you’re the adult.
Bust his ass and be consistent. I have a step son who’s just like this… once I started to pull no punches, he has stopped and is now one of my best kids. Separate him from the pack, give him consequences to his actions, more chores, and don’t give up. I lived up to the wicked witch of the west until he started showing me respect. Now we have a great relationship.
Psa:: I treat him just like I do my own children, so before anyone starts running their mouths about how they hope their children never have me as a step mother… I do not treat my children any different.
Counseling for child and family also serious discussion with your spouse
There has got to be consequences for the bad behavior (age appointment) with your husband backing you up. My husband and I blended our children which made a total of 8 and we back each other in front of the children…if something was done wrong its addressed with kids hearing and seeing. Also it sounds like family counseling as well as individual for son would help.
You can still be with your husband without living with him. I feel this is unsafe & harmful for you & your children. Does your husband discipline the child?
Girl you’re the adult! Why are you letting a 9 year old bully you and your children? Sounds like you need to step and show this child who the parent is and what will not be tolerated. What you allow will continue!
Definitely sounds like he could benefit from counseling
Why are neither of you disciplining this child?
Good luck. Where is dad in all this? You need family and individual counseling. If it doesn’t work leave!
Wow alot of comments on here actually blaming the child 9 year old the kid probably knows his step mum isn’t interested in him and seeing the other children being treated differently no wonder the kid is lashing out 
Maybe calling him “the stepchild” is part of the problem.
This child needed counseling yesterday. The moment the flags were raised.
If you want to leave leave. But this child needs someone to care and advocate for him. He needs help.
Get him into counseling ASAP.
Girl put your damn foot down! Are you the mamma bear of the house or not? You and your husband need to sit down privately and discuss it so he’s on the same page but girl get that shit in check!
Tell your husband to get that kid in line or your leaving take no shit
Divorce is a lazy excuse for you not stepping up and being the parent ! YOU are in charge and with your husbands support you need to discipline this child when she misbehaves . She needs to have privileges taken away etc. until she can earn them back by good behavior .
Your step child is still your child. It seems like you are treating him differently than the rest if your kids. Your two kids that are with your husband aren’t any different than the 2 you dont have by him. You have 5 kids okay. Not 1 step, 2 by him, 2 by someone else. Treat them the same. The same love. The same discipline.
The kid needs help. Ignoring him or the issue clearly isn’t helping anyone.
Step kid, bio kid, whatever, we shouldn’t let a child in our care suffer because we just decide to do nothing. The entire family would benefit from professional help
When I found out my oldest was disrespecting his dads girlfriend when he wasn’t their, I set him straight. She is their step mom, been with him 5 years. He’s 11 now. And I sat him down and told him when he’s with her he is to respect her as he respects my husband hai step dad at home and he’s to listen to her. His father needs to sit you down and talk to him. You both need to get him in counseling. He sounds like he has some built up anger. And lacks discipline. Which he desperately needs. You’re the adult. You’re the mom figure in that home and he needs to know that he can’t just get away with it. And there is consequences.
I see all of this post about you and your kids but I don’t see you reaching out to your husband and child about this issue. Nor do I read anything about taking the family to therapy to get everyone on the same page. Sounds like there is still a lot you can do if you wanted to.
He’s jealous and any attention good or bad he’ll take I bet if you were to take him and spend special time with him he’ll start to change
Husband needs to have a come to Jesus moment with him and if this kid can’t respect you or your children, he can’t come over, or you will go elsewhere until he’s gone, this is unacceptable.
Step up and talk to your husband that the behaviour the child is showing is unacceptable. Look at ways that you can (age appropriately) discipline them; wether it’s time out, no afternoon activities or having their toys taken off of them. Also talk to the child. They could feel upset, angry or confused (do this one-on-one. Get to know the child and have a conversation.
Be.The.Parent. Natural consequences. You might want to get the book: " Children the challenge ". It’s on Amazon.
I really think ALL of you guys need counseling. 
I don’t like how your referring to said child as the stepchild and not him/her, this kid is 9 years old, and isolating him from the family unit wouldn’t be helping the behavior at all, try speaking to him/her I feel there’s a massive underlying issue here
The child needs professional help.
Goodness, I can’t even imagine how it must be to be 9 and around YOU. I’d act out too 
You sound selfish and hateful and maybe even jealous.
Lack of discipline. Maybe he feels lack of love at home. Seeing how you refer to him as step child.
Well if a was one of your children what you have done?
If is leaving then leave but if is staying and discipline this kid love him and help him figure out what the real problem is then do it …
I don’t understand why the dad should be the only one doing something about this child if you feel like not your child not your problem then just pack your stuff and go sorry this is the way I see it
Sit him down and tell him why his behaviours is wrong and ask him why he’s acting like that. Don’t treat him like a rabid dog, he’s a 9 year old, he’s human and has complicated feelings and maybe he just needs help sorting them out. Is the bio mom in the picture? Maybe he feels like you’re trying to replace her.
He needs discipline, you and your husband should be on the same page and back eachother up in front of the kids! Hope everything works out for you guys 
I would take a video sit your husband down and show him. I bet he doesnt know he really is acting like this. Then let the dad have time with him. He probably just wants attention from dad. I know it sucks. But dont ignore him. Treat him like your own.
Talk to your husband…try to get help from experts…if worst gets to worst…leave…the sanity and wellfare of your own children must come first…
Also, he lives with his dad, so is his mom involved much? And is he treated differently then the other kids by you? He needs a mom. And treated equal. He needs love. Discipline and structure. And consequences. Both my husband and my ex’s girlfriend, do not refer to my boys as their step kids, they’re simply, “my kids” or “our kids” and if I’m talking to her its just the boys. I’ve never heard either call them step kids. Because no of thinks about them like that. We all love them the same
You said you avoid the child does he not get punished by you. Do you great him the same? And where is the dad? I have alot of questions… But if you are treating him different that is something to consider if you have been in this child’s life this long was he like this always to you and why isn’t the dad stepping up maybe counseling definitely discipline IDC he is step of he is in your home you discipline just like you do your kids he should be 100% equal to your kids how you treat them and love them
Sorry not sorry… I’m probably gonna get a lot of hate over this but have you talked with the father?.. If the child is living under your roof and he’s not abiding by your rules and being disrespectful then it’s time you bust his ass! Yes… I suggested it. Grab him by the arm and whoop his ass in a circle if you have to. Step children that you are raising need to know that they’re acceptable to consequences same as your birth children and if the father isn’t ok with that then yes maybe you should consider leaving.
insist on counseling for this kid. And don’t back down. If the child isn’t in regular ongoing counseling, it’s a deal breaker, then leave. your husband will either agree and seek help, or not. If not, you know where you stand
Start treating him like he’s your child and a part of your family instead of an inconvenience and I’d bet almost anything you’ll start to see some change. Kids pick up on vibes a lot better than you might think. He’s well aware that you don’t like him. Of course he’s gonna act out. How would you feel, being a 9 yr old child, and the woman your daddy married basically hates your guts? You’d be an asshole too. He needs to be loved and treated as equally as the rest of the kids. You’re singling him out and he knows it. Try a different approach and be a mom to him and not just the step mom who can’t stand him.
Husband needs to stand up.
Tough love. T …ell him the rules carved in stone.
If he can’t abide, you won’t be welcome. End of story. Tough love.
Why R u treating him as if he has some disease??? If u shun him no wonder
Wth beat his butt… No child should be putting hands on little siblings or talking to adults like that. Set him straight before he grows so outta control y’all end up murdered in your sleep. 9 out of 10 times it’s the parents fault for not disciplining or raising the child right.
Stop referring to him as step maybe that is hurting him refer to him as your child as well y’all been together how long and this kid lives with you
Film it and show it to your husband. That kid needs some serious help. He may have some resentment issues.
I think you answered your own question!..
“YOU ALL BASICALLY TRY TO AVOID THIS CHILD!” That’s what’s wrong …you DESPERATELY need to get him help and the family involved or hes only going to get worse.
Best of luck to yr family.
If your stepchild lives with you then they must go by your rules. You need to put your foot down and discipline the child like you would your own.
Talk to the child there may be a reason they are acting out. Is this child your only stepchild? They mite feel jealous or something else. Enforcement is need here as YOU are the adult.
Spend time with the 9 year old. Treat them like your own.
My husband took on my two and we have a younger child together. He’s never referred to my kids as stepchildren, my step mother never did either. I think maybe this kid is picking up on you seperating him/her from the rest of the family. Have you spoken to your husband? Done counselling? This is a 9 year old, there’s a reason this child behaves this way. You’re singling this child out, making them feel like they aren’t part of your family.
Me being the “ stepchild” when my step mom first came into my life she treated me like I wasn’t her family treated me differently then her own child it hurt so I acted out and treated her the same way. Maybe treat the child as your own you will see a difference in them
All anyone wants is someone to love them. Since as you said you have been in the child life a long time maybe change how you treat him and you will see a difference
I have a bonus child. He knows I don’t play if I say no it’s no. From day one I set boundaries. Cross them loose a privilege. Does he get mad?Yes. But if I am home it’s my rules. I have 3 kids from someone else and 1with his dad. It’s all the same rules and consequences.
Talk to your husband. Always show stepchildren that u love them just as much. Talk to dad about getting him help but dobt make dad choose you over his son. If he doesnt change then you take your kids and leave. But don’t get rid of him or whatever. Please get him help. Hes acting like this for a reason…even if its because he knows dad wont do anything about it.
You have been in this child’s life nearly all of it. I guess I’m having a hard time figuring why you don’t seem to be ‘the parent’ Sounds more like this kid ‘runs’ the house. 1st you need to talk to your husband about what he does and says. 2nd you BOTH need to sit down with him and let him know it will not be tolerated. 3rd you need to find him help, there is something bothering that child mentally!
Ok for all of you saying she’s shunning him and calling him the step child…she’s on here asking for advice and has to tell us he’s her step child so we know the deal so stop being judgmental. And she’s not shunning him by simply trying to avoid a situation. Again, if your not posting something helpful then don’t post. That simple
Slap his Ss in the floor one good time.
Just from how you worded this post…I think I can see the issue, and it isnt the kid.
Has anyone had this child see a doctor? Is it possible he has ADHD or something?
9 years old.
Y’all been together for 8 years.
Has he always lived with y’all or is this new?
So this kid is 9 you’ve watched him for 8 years and he is that bad? I mean, it sounds like YOU raised him? You talk about him awful, as bad as he may be I doubt he doesn’t sense your hate for him. Maybe try to like him and even love him and you might see a chance in his behavior. If not, let’s just assume this is a monster child. Behavioral issues usually start in the home. So I’d look at what’s going on. What’s teaching and or make him act this way. Also talking with your husband, childs real mother, school, counselor, therapist anyone before coming on facebook and asking complete strangers would be a great place to start. I feel like the writer is the issue. She didn’t mention anything about trying to talk with anyone or help him in any way.
You haven’t mentioned any behaviour problems with the othe childen, which tells me they have been disciplined. Hugs, kisses,praise and discipline are all required by a child. Discipline him in the same manner as you do the other children. Also praise and love him the same. All children are different and require different degrees of love and discipline. But they all require it. They know when you love them enough to make sure they learn to behave in a manner that will benefit them in life. Teach him to respect others by respecting him. I always told my children that I treat you with respect and I expect that in return. Respect is a two way street if he crosses the white line hit him head on. You do not have to be physical with that just be firm , do not relent and punish accordingly. Praise him when there is a moment of politeness. Tell him how proud you are when he is polite. It will take some time but is achieveable.
From the way the post is worded I would guess the child doesn’t feel like they’re a part of the family. Treat them like you’re biological kids. Spend quality one on one time with them. It sounds like they’re acting out because they don’t feel wanted and being rude to your kids out of jealousy.
Does this “stepchild” get treated the same as your biological children. Considering he is only referred to as the stepchild it seems he may not be. Maybe try talking to this young boy or get him counseling to find out what the issue is. Kids act out for a reason and if he can tell your disgusted by him which it sounds like. Maybe try loving him as he is your own child and make him feel he is part of your family.
You all try to avoid “the stepchild” that’s the problem. The child needs love too. He can feel how you feel towards him. Try some one on one time with you and the child.
Kid needs counseling and strict discipline. Why is his father not assessing this
If he can’t control his kid against you and your children then he is the problem. He’s raising a disrespect shit who will never have respect for anyone.
What is your husband doing about it!!! This is not ok and absolutely a good reason to leave a marriage if he’s not going to take care of it. You and youre children dont have to live like that
Wait a minute. You can’t really be intimidated by a little kid. I fostered some rough kids. Just remember that you are the grown up! Put your foot down. You are the mom. It takes a lot of work and you have to be on him like white on rice but this is the time to fix this or you will never have any peace. Rules! Consequences! No negotiating! Consistency! No exceptions!
So there’s a total of 5 kids in the home and he’s the only one who is not biologically yours? There’s one of the problems. He probably feels like an outsider and whether you realize it or not, you most likely treat him differently than your biological kids and kids have the ability to pick up on more than you realize. He’s probably also a little jealous because these 4 other kids have their mom full time and he doesn’t. Avoiding the kid will only make it worse. He needs more attention from you and to feel loved and to feel that he is equal in the home, not the outcast.
I dont get it. If you raised a child since he was a year old, you are obviously the problem!
What does your husband say when you talk to him about these things? Is the child like this when he is around? Also, if you leave your kids still may be around this child with out you there, which i find very scary. Maybe the child needs counciling. If the child lives with yall does he not see his real mom? Could be the reason for acting out, he could also, feel as an out cast in this environment and that could be another reason for acting out. Have you tried asking the child about what he is feeling while the other kids are not around? Maybe try some one on one time and figure out what the issue is. But i strongly suggest counciling and its something not only the child goes through but everyone.
You need to set up a video camera and video tape what is going on. Then show it to him. If he won’t do anything about it. Then you need to go to therapy and force the issue.
I don’t feel that people are really understanding this post. If she didn’t care about him and her and his relationship would she of really posted this to begin with? To the girl looking for help message me please if you’d like too. I have a step son who isn’t a fan of me at all simply cause his mother (who has met me twice in now 3years don’t like me) however my step daughter and I are SUPER close. Know there is hope and I applaud you for reaching out that says alot
Might have a behaviour disorder, mention it to the doctor and voice your concerns.
He’s wanting attention. Spend more time with him and show him he is loved.
Many on here blaming the step mom and many blaming the child without knowing any circumstances! Where is the father? Stepmom had been in this child’s life since he was one!! This has nothing to do with being stepmom/stepson This has everything to do with using the word “step” as a reason to allow this to happen! Time to sit down with Dad and get on the same team, set rules with consequences!! I wonder how 9 yr old treats other kids and adult figures around him, like teachers and fellow students.
Children crave boundaries. Using that type of language should have consequences. Discipline needs to come into action. Whether it’s being sent to his room, losing something ect. His father needs to speak up, it can’t just come from you. He needs to hear it from his father as well. I don’t think I would leave my husband over the situation. If it doesn’t get fixed now, it’s only going to get worse as that child gets older. Maybe try one on one time with that child and have a talk with him. I Hope things get better. Hang in there mama, you got this!!!
Sounds to me like the child is being outcasted & deemed “unlovable” & he is acting out over it 
Shame on each of you parents for letting this child down…Sounds exactly like my grandsons half brother…Makes me sick~
Grow the hell up & LOVE YOUR CHILD~ & quit using “step” as a crutch to harbor hate against a child~
Set up a video camera then play it back for the husband and stepchild together
Well the problem is YOU not the child. Yes leave it will be better for ALL the kids. Ffs you sound horrible
I wanna know how he has been treated by you all these years to have that kind of resentment towards you &your children…you’ve been in his life long enough it’s not like you just popped up now… you helped raise him!
This is a tough one. As a step parent you should love a step child like your own (not saying you dont) and also discipline like your own. Talk to your husband and tell him exactly what’s going on. That way y’all can sit him down and explain that his behavior is not acceptable when he sees y’all as a team hell realize that he can’t just single one person out anymore because as a team y’all will not allow him too. This is a must. He has to be able to respect everyone in the house
Father should put a stop to it and so should you. Whether he likes it or not, you are his mom also. Don’t allow a child to run over nor intimidate you…
First of all if I were your husband, I would be pissed if you referred to him as “the step child” your the adult in the situation and it sounds like you don’t consider him as part of your family like you should. You should try spending alone time with him and create a bond.
I would be getting a babysitter for this child.
I would not watch him.
I would not have him around my children UNLESS the husband was there.
End of story
Have your husband put his child in check. The child is disrespectful and needs to be talked to. He shouldn’t be doing all the things he’s doing.
If he wont get that child under control, you have your children to consider. Do what you believe in your gut
I did not hear anything mentioned about your husband first talked he should be putting his foot down along with you there is no excuse for a child’s disrespect in the household he should be backing you up and making sure this job is corrected this is setting a bad example for the other kids and then if he’s not leave
Wait…you’ve been his stepmom since he was 1 years old and he lives with you guys so where did he learn all of this?