Back storey she has had bed accidents since I came into her life at 9. Her dad and I have a great co parenting relationship with her bio mom. We also have two other children my son who I had when I met my now husband and we have a daughter together. Her mom has no other children. We have a good schedule with our daughter let’s call her L. The bed wetting we have been to drs we’ve tried medicine we’ve been to urologist they all say she will just grow out of it that nothing is medically wrong, at first we had a problem with her telling us she had accidents and she would just leave the soul linen. we’ve talked to her numerous times and she has been told she will never get in trouble we know she can’t help it, we’ve tried medication and it didn’t help, we switched to good nights to help with the linen and help her feel more comfort she can just get up throw them away her bedding will be clean and that really helped. Well we thought she had grown it and her mom had suspected she was having accidents again and asked and L lied when she went into her room she found soiled clothing linen and the used sanitary pads hidden all over her room, her dad and I talked to her reinforced she would not be in trouble but lying about it would not be tolerated that we knew it wasn’t her fault she had them that she didn’t have to lie about it just bring her mom the linen, we talked to her to try to see if she’d say why she had been lying cause as far as we knew she told us when she was having accidents at are house. We have always struggles with getting her to respond in conversation she just looks at you like with big eyes and cries and her answer for everything is I don’t know. We went to dr today and we have referral to have her talk to someone. Later after we got home something told me to check her room. I found tons underwear hidden with dirty pads tons of trash food and soiled linen. I am beyond overwhelmed we had that huge talk her dad and I told her we appreciated her being honest at our house that we would talk with her mom and all this just to find she was doing it here as wellSo my question is has anyone else experienced this type of behaviorWhat kind of consequences should this entail. Obviously she isn’t communicating with us and is lying and we are going to have her talk to someone but I just don’t know what to do or how to proceed She is with her mom tonight and we are all Going to sit down to figure out how to address her with the lying and what I found today she is taking her phone to go through her phone because at this point we want to see if she is communicating something with her friends about her feelings as she will not talk to us and tomorrow when she comes here she is cleaning her room with me in there with her but idk how we should approach it we tried be understanding and this may be unpopular opinion but I feel I should take her door to her room it’s the only thing I know that will get a reaction and ensure she isn’t doing these things in private if she has to change she can go in the restroom but idk what else to do
I used to do things like this when I was a girl. I wasn’t SA.
I found out years later that I have ADHD (it presents differently in girls).
It honestly sounds to me like she’s just trying to cope with having poor executive function - she doesn’t know why she’s different but she feels it. The lying is her trying to deny it and appear ‘normal’.
I’m in my 40s now and managed to develop effective coping mechanisms over the years. She’ll do the same with the right support.
Please don’t take her door. She’s struggling enough as it is.
These are usually signs of psychological issues. She needs to see a counselor. I know the bed wetting is overwhelming but you have to remain calm about it. Explain that you understand that she can’t help it but that it is a health issue when you leave urine on bedding. Let her know when she gets up she needs to place her sheets and wet clothes immediately on the washe and show her how to start it. Also she is old enough to Clorox or vinegar spray her bed to dry out. When my kids bed-wetted I had a special pee proof pad so it didn’t hurt the mattress. Make her responsible for it and don’t make a big deal. I’d she is not responsible like with anything else start taking things away. Phone usually does it here.
As for the pads remind her that her period is absolutely normal and nothing to be ashamed of. That she need to put it in bathroom trash so that as a parent you can be sure she is having them monthly and can provide what she needs. Download an app for her to keep track so she can be prepared early. Let her know things will be taken away if she does not properly dispose of them as it is a health issue. Again don’t make a big deal about it just state the facts and hold firm to consequences if broken.
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Make sure she’s not being SA. All of those are signs.
Do not take her door! That is not the answer and you didn’t say how old she is. She needs help psychologically.
I think taking her door will cause more harm than good in this situation
Get a garbage with a lid for her room and for bathroom teach her to wash her bedding.
You need to sit and talk to her, and make sure something worse isn’t going on. My mom was SA when she was little and this is what she did when she was little.
Idk this screams possible SA.
Praying for her. This is a sign of sexual abuse maybe she is looking at u with big eyes because she wants to tell u something but is scared.
maybe she’s just really embarrassed about it, and doesn’t need to be sat down and spoken to by everyone, I just don’t think that would work either I think she needs to be taken somewere to have a day one on one to try get to the bottom. I’d feel ganged up on and even more worried about it if I was in the situation
I am dealing with something similar with my son. We have seen every specialist and it is a trauma response they said. Something could ve happening to her that she doesn’t want to talk about about or could have happened to ger that she repressed. Therapy could help.
Try taking her to a chiropractor. A few back adjustments might help her wake up when she has to pee in the middle of the night.
First, find out if she’s being abused in some way. If not, follow up with consequences. Make her clean up her own mess. Provide her with a trash can in her room for her trash. Make her wash her own laundry.
Seek counseling regardless of why she’s doing this.
My cousin peed the bed until she was 12 thats when they found out she has 3 1/2 kidneys which 1 1/2 aren’t connected just taking up room they will not remove them because they aren’t hurting her.It could be medical that isn’t found yet
Make 100% sure she isn’t constipated before coming to any conclusions. My son started wetting the bed and it turn out this was the issue. We didn’t do the whole intense regimen, just occasional lax-a-day but it was life saving https://www.bedwettingandaccidents.com
I had a kid who wet the bed and he knew he wouldn’t be in trouble that I just wanted his bedding put in washer etc. he still hid it. It’s more of an embarrassment thing than anything else. Even if you’re not mad- they are still embarrassed. I highly suggest checking the bed each morning and just staying consistent with when there is an accident, not making a big deal out of it and just throwing into washer.
What? Consequences? WHY??How humiliating for her to even have to talk about this with anyone. OMG, empathy please.
My concern is abuse? You need to speak to her doctor in private and then they will get you an appt w a child Dr she can speak to. In general you can’t change a child’s attitude but you can set rules of your home of expectations and what the consequences are if not followed. We expect you to place any soiled pads in this trash can and then dispose at end of day into main trash can etc. We expect when you soil linens to take them off your bed, place in wash machine and add a capful of detergent. Then let us know and we will show you the next steps and so on and so forth.
The way to gain trust is not taking things away like a privacy door to a female but set up expectations and guidance. Spend time doing things she enjoys, def get her to a doctor she needs someone to speak to privately. I have some deep concerns here
This upsets me so much. I was that kid. She doesn’t deserve to be punished, she is embarrassed and ashamed. Just put a trash can in her room, in fact put two, one for her soiled stuff and one for trash and stop trying to talk to her about it. She wants privacy and deserves privacy. Tell her no one needs to know about the soiled stuff and she can throw it out her self. Taking even more privacy away when that’s what she needs is going to make it all worse.
Don’t punish. It will further push her to be more ashamed. I know you want to punish the lying but no matter what you do she still feels ashamed of it. Have her be a part of cleaning everything up with you but other than that get her into counseling and see what comes up. Everyone thought she was doing well and she wasn’t and she probably didn’t want to have to admit that she is still having a problem. Others have mentioned possible SA signs. I would get that cleared up as well just to be sure. Hang in there and be patient. How old is she? Old enough to text. Can you try writing back and forth in a notebook with her? See if she will express herself privately to you on paper?
DO NOT TAKE HER DOOR. You didn’t state her age and this will just make things worse for everyone. Humiliation isn’t the way to go about this sort of thing. Like other people have said, it may be a sign of SA. If she hasn’t had scans of her bladder etc get some. She may have a small bladder which causes the accidents as someone I know experienced similar as a kid and found out in adulthood that she had a small bladder. If nothing like that then try therapy. Honestly you don’t know what’s going on in her head, it may be an unintentional cry for help.
The therapist is a good idea. Maybe she’s embarrassed? Maybe she’s scolded at her mom’s house- you never know what really happens at moms house unless L talks to you.
This is a sign of SA or another issue. Don’t go through her phone and don’t take the door off her room. She’s going through something uncomfortable and traumatic and you are going to invade her privacy like that will help? Find her a therapist to talk to.
She’s probably incredibly embarrassed. The way your approach is coming off in your post to me it sounds like you are making a pretty big deal out of it, even though your intentions are simply to help and open up communication she may not feel that way about it. Give her her own little trash bin to keep on her room. I really think your approach is stressing her out and could be exacerbating the problem with the added pressure. Due to some concerning causes of extended bed wetting, perhaps rather than taking her to a doctor every time it happens, maybe she would be open to seeing a counselor or therapist instead. Taking her door is not the answer. I also don’t know how I would feel about the going through her phone. She needs some security right now, not to have her privacy taken away all in one foul swoop. She will definitely continue to lie if you cross that line.
Honestly sounds like ADHD as well as some underlying something for the bed wetting. ADHD in children causes impulsivity. Their immediate response is no because they can’t possible own up to all the little things they’ve done wrong in a day due to it taking a massive toll on their self esteem. She may be saying I don’t know because she REALLY doesn’t know. Also, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY STOP USING THE QUESTION WHY. stop it. You cause internal turmoil that makes her feel guilty and small and that’s not okay. “What’s going on that makes you think you can’t tell us” “what’s going through your head right now? What is the first thing that pops up” “are you okay? Can we talk about what’s going on that’s causing you to hide this from us” there are many ways to ask why without that word.
Start with getting her a small waste basket for her bedroom so she can just toss it in there but at the end of the day have her change the bag out maybe buy her some bladder diapers for women and use disposable bed pads under her at night until you can figure out what is going on. Maybe talk to her and see if she is afraid of the dark I know I was afraid of the dark when I was around her age and I would have accidents periodically if I had to go in the middle of the night. But don’t take the door momma I know this is tough on both ends. Maybe the lying is because she is terrified of any consequences even though she knows that she’s not in trouble it might be she is embarrassed I remember I lied to my mom about my period and hid my sanitary napkins anywhere I could because I thought I’d be in trouble I wish you all the best maybe set an alarm for her to go to the bathroom every 2 hours until her bladder gets use to that schedule and then it might help but I wish you all the best and hope you get answers
Do not punish her.
I echo the concern for SA but if that’s not the case then shes hiding it because she’s embarrassed. One of my kids went through this and even now will sporadically have an accident and hides it. It’s genuinely out of embarrassment.
I normally would get upset about the lying also but we had to come up with a routine that if something did happen it could be addressed privately without us knowing (of course until laundry is done). At the age of 9 they’re independent and feel like accidents make them babies, will make them made fun of, will make their parents treat them differently. We actually learned a lot when our child who struggled with this went to therapy - so honesty maybe that’s another suggestion/option. There may be more going on and punishing her for it is absolutely going to push her away from you and not trust you at all - and you want her to come to you if God forbid something big ever were to happen.
With regard to food - just don’t allow her to eat in her room. But if she’s sneaking food again, therapy.
I think it’s more psychological too. My son had a problem he slept so deep he couldn’t get up. She’s embarrassed I think, obviously. Make sure you say it’s not bed wetting is the problem. It’s the lying and hiding it part.
Take her to therapist immediately please. I think something bad is going on and she’s ashamed. Seems like sexual abuse but I pray I’m wrong. Either way maybe she will open up knowing it’s a therapist. Poor girl.
I think you need to continue what you HAD been doing. Do not escalate, do not take her door. That’s just nuts and will not benefit her at all. This sounds like she is crying out for help and doesn’t know how. She needs to talk to someone. An outside, unbiased person. All these things are symptoms of SA, but also possible health issues.
don’t take her door that’s insane ! she obviously is too embarrassed to be admitting it
maybe put a bin in her room and a laundry basket to put dirty stuff into , sitting down all talking about it will probably just panic her more so she ends up doing it more
It is possible she sees the talking to her as a punishment. She may also be getting simple teasi g or ribbing from siblings without your knowledge. Minimize her room for hiding spots. Check her room when not she is not around. If you find things just dispose of them without confrontation. She will know you found them them. Maybe by just disposing she will understand your not mad or upset with her if you just get rid of it without confrontation
Teach her to clean the sheets and make her clean them every time that she soils them.
Give her bags for her pads and put a bin in her room so that she can dispose of them herself.
I would also take her to the doctor because to rule everything out medical and psychological.
She must certainly live in shame already … i would be patient. I dont think pull up n pads should be used at all. Put her own laundry basket in the room. The food mess tells me shes possibly sinking into depression . If that was my child, i would change the bed n not keep bringing it up . But thats just my opinion
Two things. This could very well be a sign of sexual abuse, or any kind of abuse honestly. Also, please have her A1C checked. Bed wetting is a sign of Type 1 Diabetes. Previously referred to as juvenile diabetes. My daughter was diagnosed at 17. Bed wetting, frequent ruination, drinking lots of water/constant thirst, always being hungry, losing weight, and hair loss
Have you talked to her about sexual abuse🥺
One of the major things they do
I wouldn’t take the door. BuT explain to her that you will be checking her room thoroughly now, not to invade her privacy! I would explain you won’t search personal items or read things. But simply to maintain that she is honest about what’s happening because not only do you need to know, it’s a sanitary health concern.
Even at 9 she can understand this isn’t normal behavior and it’s embarrassing no matter how supportive you are. Maybe also supply her with ways to clean up after herself on her own. Not just trash but teaching her to do her own laundry for these items, and remind her that as long as it’s not being lied about its okay. Maybe talk to her about “code words” so instead if her having to say she had an accident she has a less humiliating phrase she can give you even just in passing so you are aware it’s happened and that she doesn’t want to talk about it.
Even if she just picks one of you her dad or mom or you to confide in. She knows you all communicate so maybe giving her some options as to how to deal with this HER WAY.
Lluwellan Sabastian Johnson
This is some sort of trauma response. You need to get her into mental health and see what’s actually going on. My opinion
She’s obviously ashamed and embarrassed that she’s having these accidents. There’s some form of trauma and/or anxiety with this situation. Do not take her door off!!! That makes you sound like a crazy person. She’s not doing drugs she’s having accidents.
For some reason I don’t like you and wouldn’t want you as my step mom.
She needs a psychiatrist. Point blank. She’s too old. Sorry— something psychological is happening
Dealt with this as well with my bonus daughter. Found out that it can be genetic (as my MIL wet the bed as a child). She outgrew by age 12. My daughter is an extremely heavy sleeper and was just sleeping through the urges. I do agree with everyone else that this can also be a sign of abuse. Hope you guys get it figured out. Do not take the door off as she is already embarrassed by the whole situation. Just talk to her.
Sorry I have no answers but the one person I do know that had accidents up until about that age the doctors told us to make him hold it as long as he could during the daytime and surprisingly it worked
I wouldn’t punish her that’s beyond crazy to me. Not sure her age but my cousin peed the bed until 13. His mom just told him if he didnt want anyone to know that was fine and taught him to use the washer. There could be a bunch of reason why or non at all. Poor girls
What about a trashcan with a lid in her room for the pads? No embarrassing “walk of shame” with a dirty pad to a trash can.
You need to look around and like triple check she’s not being abused somewhere, cause those are some really common SA abuse signs. But also night wetting can be completely normal and typical for up to 12 yrs old. It’s a developmental thing, and we all developed different things at different rates.
I suspect taking her door will only cause more stress and will only make things worse.
Going through her phone to see if she talking to her friends about peeing her bed, is beyond rude. Y’all keep pushing the issues. She’s a kids. Kids don’t communicate. She probably embarrassed y’all keep talking about it. Y’all are the reason she is shutting down. Taking her door off will not stop her from peeing the bed, or force her to talk to you. And why did you give her medication when you said Drs said it is not medical. Y’all going about this ass backwards. Y’all should be the ones to talk to someone. I feel sorry for the child.
also my daughter wets the bed when she’s constipated and she doesn’t tell me she hides it evan tho she knows she won’t get in trouble , she has to be on a long course of movicol and it does seem to help
I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion this child has been SA kids hide stuff like this especially when they are starting puberty and don’t understand what’s going on.
She is probably embarrassed. By a certain time,maybe 2 hours before sleep,she need to stop drinking anything and be going back and forward to the restroom till she goes to bed. It finally help my cousin, she was peeing everything in my bed when she spent the night. She was that age. But she finally stop
This is one of many signs that I learned in college that comes from sexual abuse and sometimes mental, emotional or physical abuse as well. I think it would be great for her to be able to maybe talk to a therapist too. She may have something she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you guys about. With you being her stepmother (no offense) but she may not be comfortable coming to you. Also, taking her door off is not going to change anything. She’s still a child and that has nothing to do with what she is doing. If anything it’s going to make her resent you. Just be more aware of her feelings.
Put her in night diapers. Take her to OB, is sometime sign of sexual abuse. Take her to theropy. PRAYER. Have dealt with serveral like her. I don’t care what doctor say she has a medical problem she is not medically right to handle pee ar night. Emotionally handleing periods, put her on shot. It will stop her periods for now. We have had to do that because of PMS bad PMS. Issue sheet every morning or night so she never has a chance to hidden make her wash them every day weather soiled or not. Give her so many undergarments get back that many on wash day. You can do that every morning too. If she is wetting bed or not every night you want her take a bath every morning before school make it part of her schudule rotine
She needs to go talk to someone. This is embarrassing for her do not take her things away. She can not control it. She needs to talk to a therapist this is also a sign of being sexually abused. And also ask for a sleep study maybe she is having issues getting up.
For the bed wetting sometimes they need their adenoids taken out!
She probably doesn’t tell you because of the way you’re reacting. Give her Privacy, don’t take it away. Probably why she hides everything . Give her her own little trash can in her room for pads, and a small basket for soiled clothing. Don’t punish her when she has things in them. Some people can’t control their bladders, and you should find solutions not punishments. I’d also possibly take her to a child therapist, just in case SA is there and she’s blocking it/ not wanting to talk about it.
Also, do NOT take her phone. If she wants to talk to her friends about something, and not you guys, that’s NONE of your business. You guys may not be her number one. Maybe her mom and friends are. That’s not up to you. You’re going to make her resent you. And at a certain age, she can request to no longer go w you guys.
You’re absolutely insane for invading her privacy the way you plan to.
So………mine used to bed wet. Occasionally she still will but it’s rare. We figured out with mine it wasn’t that she was scared of getting in trouble and that’s why she wouldn’t always say something right away. She was embarrassed. Which I get. I had the same problem as a little kid and it is embarrassing. I outgrew it. Mine is outgrowing it which is the good news. But it’s still a sensitive topic for kids. I of course agree with you that lying shouldn’t be tolerated and she needs to speak up when it happens instead of trying to hide it. All I’m saying is have another talk with her but this time instead of putting the primary focus on she won’t be in trouble. I guess try to cater to her feelings of embarrassment. It’s hard for kids, especially when they’re around other kids (even just being around friends at school) who don’t have that issue. It really will make you feel some type of way as a child and you’ll even avoid certain situations like sleepovers or sometimes even saying something at all. Sometimes I would just try to clean everything up before anyone else woke up instead of alerting everybody not because I was scared to be in trouble but because it is embarrassing. I mean I think you’ll kinda get over it once you outgrow it but obviously she’s not at that stage yet.
I’m not sure if you have tried this or not, but maybe show her how to use the washing machine and explain to her that when she wets the bed she can wash her sheets without having to tell anyone. Put a trash can in her room and tell her it’s for soiled items that can’t be washed… I definitely would not take her door off. Someone else mentioned having her write in a journal. A lot of times you will find stuff that is happening to the child and they are too scared to say.
How old is she now? & Is she using the pads for her bladder or period? Did she have UTIs when she was little? My 3 year old is giving us a hard time with potty training because of trauma from being catheterized from them as a baby
Ask her wtf is wrong with her
I wouldn’t punish her. It sounds like she’s ashamed and embarrassed, as anyone would be. Give her a trash can in her room where she can throw stuff away without everyone knowing.
If she was SA, she may be lying because she’s been threatened if she tells the truth. She needs a therapist.
I think in a situation like this, showing grace is more important than punishment right now. Continue to share with her the importance of telling the truth and letting her know you just want to help her.
There is definitely an underlying issue.
I think she needs to see a professional because clearly these “talks” you are having are not working or helping at all. And the blank stare and crying, could have to do with her processing the situation, the consequences, her feelings embarrassed in general. Not everyone processes the same way and that should be important to note. She’s not necessarily being disrespectful (from what I read), she’s scared and confused.
This was really sad to read.
Do NOT take the door off. Bedroom doors do more than provide privacy; they are protection in the event of fire in the home and from the associated smoke.
She is definitely struggling with something mentally or emotionally. The therapy will be a great thing.
She could be on the spectrum or just a really heavy sleeper. Something else to try is a bedwetting alarm, very effective. Certainly DO NOT take her door or escalate further. Can’t you realize she’s probably feeling humiliation over this?? Hiding it because she’s so embarrassed. Have her checked by a physician for urinary issues & SA, get some ADHD/Austism assessments scheduled & a therapist to talk to since she obviously doesn’t feel comfortable talking to her parents about it.
Someone I know has all of these exact issues and is on the spectrum. Trauma/sexual abuse is another thing that comes to mind
I hope u consider all aspects of this. Wetting the bed at this age can be a sign of sexual abuse. Careful how u confront that subject.
when my son went thru physical abuse he started wetting the bed A LOt! stop allowing liquids 2 hours prior to bed time. i think you should get this child into therapy. give her the safe space to open up & communicate these feelings that she’s unable to communicate with her parents .
She might be embarrassed. Maybe if she washed her own sheets or something that will help so that she doesn’t have to talk about it.
Does she dream about going to the bathroom when she is sleep? She may have to make a conscious effort to wake herself up if she dreams of the bathroom.
I have been told by a Doctor that kids bed wetting is a psychological problem that eventually goes away. Some kids wet until they are almost grown. Don’t punish her. By her hiding it tells me she is already embarrassed and that you already made her feel so bad that she can’t take anymore of that embarrassment. Let her dad and mom handle it. Her being away from her mom may be part of the problem
Sometimes it’s nothing, I had accidents until I was 12. They didn’t have good nights back then, so I dealt with it.
my brother did until he was 11 because he was physically and mentally abused by our step dad and sexually abused by our stepbrother. he would hide his clothes and sheets too. he would be punished and abused more because of it. he just grew out of it.
So. Accidents could also be a sign of sexual abuse. Current or previous.
Something to rule out as well especially with the level of embarrassment lack of communication and I don’t know answers.
Bed wetting can be a sign of sleep apnea. Get a sleep study done asap
She needs a washing bag and bin in her room, teach her how to use the washer/dryer by herself so she can take care of her bedding and stuff discretely and take out her own rubbish, I’m guessing she’s early teens and likely feeling overwhelmed and ashamed.
You said you’ve taken her to the doctor etc but have you taken her to a licensed therapist?
It sounds like y’all should have gotten therapy for her a LONG time ago. It’s still not too late. Take her to talk to someone and then you will get to the root of the problem. Good luck.
It sounds like she is embarrassed and your guys approach is making it worse. My daughter was 10 when she stopped wetting the bed. Get her into a routine every morning. Wake up, sheets and panties, clothes in washing machine and shower. She doesn’t need to always talk about it but she needs the confidence to clean it herself. I understand why lying shouldn’t be tolerated but I understand why she’s doing it. I wouldn’t punish her and when all of you “confront” her…. I would make it more of a support group rather than punishment. Can I ask how long you’ve been with her dad? Has this become more frequent since you’ve been around? It’s great you all co-parent well but maybe she’s not handling it well as the child. Don’t remove her door. It provides a safe and private place for her. She needs to be able to unwind without judgement.
Don’t punish her. She’s lying because she’s embarrassed. Find out and fix what’s making her wet herself. It could be physical or psychological. Provide her with a trashcan or a hamper under her bed or in her closet so she doesn’t feel like everyone is in her business. Either way, taking her door and punishing her is not the way. Do anything else but that please.
Don’t take the door off don’t embarrase or humiliate her her don’t over step the boundaries she’s not your daughter she should have privacy and this should be between her and her own mother to deal with god if a Young girl came for a sleep over at my house I’d wash the linen and say nothing poor girl must be mortified
I’m a nurse and I’m sorry to report but these are significant signs of sexual abuse. She needs to be seen by a doctor and therapist immediately.
Please do not enforce any type of punishment until further evaluation from providers has been done.
If you do it will make it worse.
Sometimes these babies just need hugs. Allow time to make poor choices and Learn from them and hug it out. Not every thing needs to be a punishment she sounds like she has a lot she’s struggling with and the punishment shoe doesn’t fit!
Good luck and I’ll be sending prayers for L!
It feels like everything you’re doing and currently planning to do is going to make it a lot worse.
I’ve personally went through it. It was an insecurity thing and a bladder thing. I stopped wetting the bed. I still have to use rest room more often than others. My bladder is very small. Give her more support make her feel loved. Find out what she’s afraid of. Be patient.
Ok…how old is she now? Why does she have her own phone? Make her clean her own room up and make her wash her bedding herself,etc. Also…any new men her mom is dating that she may be bringing around her? You need to sit down with her and talk this out to get to the root of it. Peeing the bed could be a sign of many things…at a certain age it could be bc of hormones,so may need to get that checked if she has already started her monthly cycle. It could be defiance to a new change…could be constipation,in which Miralax once a day in one of her drinks does wonders…could be she is being messed with by someone…Another thing it could be…are you or her stepmom giving her melatonin every night to sleep? Melatonin is supposed to be used no longer than a week straight max per month. Melatonin can affect hormones,make you sleep super deep where can’t wake up at night,and in large doses,acts as a diuretic so it causes you to pee more and can cause bedwetting. Big issue with parents ODing their kids on melatonin lately. If giving that to her every night…STOP! Switch her to Benadryl for anxiety and sleep insomnia issues.
My child has ODD and does these things. Does she have any diagnosis? Also, my kiddo with autism hides dirty clothes instead of putting them in the hamper. I don’t know why? It’s a behavior we are working on. It can be a therapy goal for sure.
Firstly, Stop ganging up on her. It’s very clear she has severe trauma responses to the way you people are addressing this. Get her profesional help, and stop talking about her in front of her. She’s not communicating because she doesn’t feel comfortable or safe even. Give her privacy by means of allowing her to own up to her problem, and find a way to deal with it. Stay out of her room. It is her safety place.
Don’t take her door off that’s cruel. She’s obviously suffering enough.
Check and make sure no one is doing anything wrong to her
Don’t take her door down. That’s such an invansion of privacy. Maybe get a trash can for her room, but then she will have to throw her trash away. It’s okay I have a 2 neices 8 & 5 who have accidents & they wear goodnights here when they stay the night. Tell her it’s okay to have accidents, it happens. But there is no reason she should be putting them under her bed. Take her bed off the frame ?
There is something wrong… lying = she does not feel safe. Taking her door away will not help…
I agree with those who are saying therapy, counseling, possible, SA, possible autism, possible ADHD, possible deep sleep, possible constipation.
We need to help her with her feedings of unsafe/embarrassment to stop the lying and sneaking…behavior is communication
Therapy. And it seems like yall are making a big deal about it when you say you aren’t. Even if she’s not saying anything about it you guys are pointing it out a lot from what it sounds like. Her dr said she will grow out of it, it happens, just clean it up and tell her it’s ok. Quit pestering her and forcing her to talk. Just check over her room and clean up whatever mess you find. Then tell her it’s ok, comfort her instead of forcing her to talk about it
I would consider a schedule similar to when learning to potty train. Every 2 hrs have her try. And celebrate every time she goes or some sort of reward system? However something tells me there is more to this. Possibly something with her mother or something that may have happened when she was younger or even now. If she was always spanked or yelled at for accidents, this would also be a reason why she hides it. She needs lot’s of love and patience.
I think she is embarassed.Maybe it will help if she can put the laundry in the washing machine by herself.
Please do not take her door. That will make it worse. There may be something going on that you might not want to know, but if she finally trusts someone with it, please DO NOT punisher her. It’s pretty clear to me that this is a trauma response. Get to the bottom of that trauma.
Do not take the bedroom door off, that will only make it worse. She needs to see a therapist.
I used to work night shift at a child care center. I had an 11 & 12 year old that wet the bed (due to trauma). I talked w them separately about how I could help. They each chose times for me to wake them up. They would go to the bathroom then go to bed. No more water after 6pm & they went to bed around 9pm. I would wake them up at midnight & 3am then they would get up at 7am on their own. They would use the bathroom when I woke them up. That usually kept them from having accidents but sometimes they still did & I would wake them up, get them in the showers, & clean & replace their linens. I never judged or tried to make them feel bad or anything. But I did tell them that if they didn’t get up when I woke them up, if they wet the bed they would have to change their beds (I would help but I wouldn’t do it all in my own.) this would usually upset the 11 year old but she understood. Obviously this was a different setting so I was already awake whereas you & your husband (& her bio mom) will have to wake up. But eventually it became routine & they would wake up on their own to use the restroom around the same times I was waking them up.
Like I said, I never punished them except them helping me change the sheets if they didn’t get up when I woke them up, but I don’t really see that as a punishment as much as just teaching them how to care for their accidents, as their foster parents & the other employees didn’t teach them how to make their beds. Just make her feels safe & trusted. It’s already extremely embarrassing for them & your daughter seems to be showing that she is very embarrassed & may even feel like a burden. She will learn & even if she for some reason doesn’t grow out of it, she will know how to take care of it & herself. Stay patient & good luck!
Something is psychologically wrong here. I can’t believe she’s only now been signed up to get counseling.
She’s traumatized. I use to to be her. She will grow out of it. Just give her love. Best medicine. Have patience with her. Best medicine for babies who need extra care. Sending positive vibes and love.
Bladder training and professional help/counseling. They have alarms that will go off when you begin to wet so it helps condition the response to help stop the accidents. I would seek counseling.
I don’t know why you’d be punishing her when this is such a severe cry for help. I’d be taking her to therapy not a doctor if there’s medically nothing wrong. I’d be seeing if any potential abuse has went on if she’s bed wedding at 9 and embarrassed about her underwear. That’s like the biggest red flag I’ve ever heard. Taking her door off? That’s Abusive, I don’t even care.
Stop making a big deal about it she will be fine