I was molested as a kid and had shame based bed wetting when I was younger and hid my period too. not saying it must be her past too but a therapist she can trust and some extra compassion can save her decades of issues if it is.
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SHES EMBARRASSED 
Get her a mini trash can with a box of mini bags to put her used pads in. Get her a privacy type hamper to put her soiled clothes & linens in.
Ask if she would like help learning to wash her own things when she has accidents then show her how to use peroxide & laundry soap to pretreat when she has accidents in her clothes.
This poor girl is probably mortified that the whole family is in an uproar instead of one person helping her discreetly handle this
Have her watch Pixar’s Turning Red & watch it with her 
Clearly she has been punished in the past and this is still playing on her mind. It can be frustrating having to deal with having to change linen every day, but it’s also frustrating for them, especially when they have younger sibling who don’t have these accidents.
When my son was bed wetting, he wore drynights until he grew out of it. On the occasion where it went through, I taught him how to take the linen off the bed and into the washing machine. Sometime kids get embarrassed by the accidents.
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Y’all are wild with your comments , get for real. I think this mom is doing everything right . The kid for some reason just wants to lie about it knowing there are no consequences. I would be upset too. Theres no need for that kid to do this. I would take her phone and I mean why not the door if she continues this behavior? She’s been seeing drs and so on what more can she do?! Y’all saying she’s being a dick basically and she’s not she is overwhelmed and is trying her best
She might be embarrassed it might have nothing to do with her knowing she’s going to be in trouble or not I think she’s embarrassed I remember when I first started my period I hid it from my mom for about 6 months because I was too embarrassed to say anything just sit down and talk to her give her a trash can beside her bed and a special laundry basket in her room and honestly therapy I think it’s just an embarrassment issue I really do and a therapist could honestly help figure out the root of the issue and maybe help her understand that there’s nothing to be embarrassed about it happens
Imagine realising she is embarrassed and that thats why she’s lying, and your answer to that is to humiliate her even further by removing her door? That’s completely unacceptable and a complete invasion of privacy. There is very very clearly an underlying issue which you’re not going to get to the bottom of by adding to the already upsetting situation.
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Does her mom have a boyfriend?
I’m asking because the intersection of bed wetting and lying about it is a possible flag for abuse. It’s by no means a red flag, or a conclusion to be jumped to, but it can be related and should be kept in mind…
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Use 2 setsnof sheets with pads, so when she does pee there will be a fresh set already on the bed ready to go
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She lies because she embarrassed. As for bed wetting my 14 year old still does. She didn’t empty her bladder. Wake her up every 2 hours tho go. Make sure she spreads her legs far enough apart. And nothing to drink 2 hours before bed. And you talk to her without her dad. Make sure you talk to her and not at her. You know go have a girls day and talk about it. Just the 2 of you
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why not check her room every day ??..
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It appears there is something more going on than meets the eye. Please don’t take this wrong but is there any possibility she is being sexually abused. Not by your spouse but by someone else either close by but outside the home?
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personally I would have her start therapy to see if that helps her. more than anything it could be something that u never think of. by doing therapy u guys could solve it
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Losing all sense of privacy likely won’t help. She clearly needs to be able to speak with someone NOT involved in her day to day life. She is likely feeling humiliated & being confrontational isn’t helping. Hold steady until her therapist has a chance to work out a plan. Offer her a place to put the soiled items that will allow them to be cleaned without discussion.
The fact that you 3 feel a need to be all up in her business is likely a big part of it. Take a breath & let a THERAPIST lead your responses & actions.
Poor kid already struggles with things not being “at her age level” & she’s got 3 people who obviously love her but she can’t breathe without y’all being involved.
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My daughter used to have accidents and there we nothing like living arrangements or step parents etc etc sometimes it just happens and yes they do just get over it, she used to hide her soiled clothing too 
I’d even found a piece of clothing in the top of the wardrobe right at the back where I’d need a chair to see 
but she is now 13 and been fine for lets say nearly 3 yrs as she will be 14 soon.
Just gotta do the typical stuff like change of diet e.g water and more vegies and less junk, don’t drink or eat an hour before bed, try to maintain the same sleep times and extend it if she is still tired. She may be over tired and can’t get herself up to the toilet. I stopped talking about it and just treated it like it was okay, like it was just like a spill of water or drink or food etc we just wash it. I even showed her how to use the washing machine and dryer so she isn’t embarrassed about it and hiding it from me. Also my daughter with the same issue was the youngest so she was getting attention too and she is very outspoken in case you may wonder if it’s due to attention or quiet personality etc.
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It sounds like there’s a reason she lied to her mother. Maybe while at her mothers house she does get in trouble or maybe she was sexually touched. It sounds like there’s some deeper psychological things going on. She needs her privacy, I wouldn’t take the door off. I don’t think you have the relationship with her bio mom that you think you do. She may tell you L doesn’t get in trouble but I think she might or has before. Wetting the bed is a sign of sexual abuse. Yes it is true a child can have bed time accidents until age 11, but it sounds like something else is going on. My 6 year old still has accidents because she doesn’t like to be alone, she always asks someone to come to the bathroom with her. She is deathly afraid of monsters, that is her problem. Older siblings are not helping the problem either. There’s something going on in L’s head, there’s a reason for what she is doing. Try to find that reason.
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Definitely not a doctor here but personally, I’d lean towards nerves. But that’s just me putting it together with her lying and hiding the stuff, even tho y’all have told her it’s not smthg she needs to hide. I hope that y’all will find what works for her. Poor girl obviously doesn’t want to be doing this, imo. 
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She’s embarrassed, it’s personal, accept she has an issue and allow her to appropriately dispose of her pads, and wash her own bedding If she wants. All this faff is probably causing her anxiety and possible worsening her issue. She can’t relax because it’s embarrassing. Let her deal with it privately. Poor girl.
I wet the bed for a long long time due to childhood trauma I had all the tests too, the only thing that worked you could try is to get her to hold her wee for as long as possible to the point of needing a pee so bad she can’t possibly hold it no more and then wee into a jug and measure itm do it everytime and keep a diary. I started of with like 30ml and eventually it was like 150ml and I stopped weeing the bed. It’s called bladder training. I was dry by night 3 x
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I would say she needs professional help
I would just go in her room every day and look for soiled laundry and remove it no questions asked. Maybe when she realizes that you are doing this she will open up to you more. I do agree with getting her into some type of therapy sooner than later.
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Well SAYING it’s ok and “she can’t help it” isn’t going to help things. It’s EMBARRASSING and everyone making her accidents the topic of discussions between everyone can be emotionally traumatizing. She is hiding it BECAUSE you draw attention to it. She shouldn’t bring the bed sheets to her mom or you, she should just pop them in the washer herself. Seems taking her to doctors and specialists has done some damage. That’s on y’all.
Trust me, I have a family member that had night accidents until they were 14, another one had them until 16. The tactics you are using can be damaging… the result is hiding due to shame and embarrassment and you all making it a focus. Give her a trash bin. Give her a dirty laundry basket. You all are hovering and that can cause MORE anxiety and stress AND make the accidents happen more. Back off. Have 7 changes of bed sheets for her and let it go. Chastising her for her coping mechanisms is making it worse… so much worse. My family member was told by a doctor that he had an “immature bladder” … in other words the receptors aren’t strong enough to signal to wake to empty the bladder and you all though some medicine would “fix it”. She is NOT broken. She is embarrassed that her issue is a topic of discussion with so many people. It’s on her medical record. She will be asked if that is still a reoccurring issue for a LONG time. That’s like picking the scab of a harsh wound for years to come. If she is a preteen … hormone changes are going to make her want to hide EVERYTHING. She may be stress eating too. Your actions may be contributing to the issue. Relax and stop discussing it. She may not even open up to a therapist because she KNOWS it will get back to you all.
Leave her alone. Give her the tools to handle things. QUIETLY empty her bin if needed and just don’t say anything. She will figure it out and things will level out. It IS wise to discreetly discuss things with a medical professional BUT meds and specialists ?! It’s a very common problem. She WILL grow out of it in time.
My son was the same way. He just turned 9 and has finally outgrown the weak bladder stage. I tried everything and it was extremely frustrating. Just hang in there. She will stop eventually sometimes kids just have a hard time. Linc destroyed 3 mattresses, 2 full room carpets and 3 couches. He would hide the diapers/pull-ups and I would only notice them by smell. Clear out her room of any kind of cabinet that she can hide them in or under and just try a simple reward system. Linc didn’t catch on fully until I set a VERY STRICT sleep schedule. Have some patience… she will get there.
I think maybe she should talk to an independent third party about this such as an Occupational Therapist or paediatric psychologist by herself. I think there is more going on here. Take care and be kind to her. I don’t think she can help it.
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It’s a symptom of sexual abuse
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First off, have you tried Imipramine ? Two of my son’s wet the bed until the age of 13 and 10, they both starting taking that medication (prescription) and never wet the bed again ! I only had to give it to them for a week or two
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Our youngest son had bed wetting problems. His second grade teacher was doing a thesis about bed wetting problems. I know this is going to sound silly. But we took all milk and dairy products. Our son stopped wetting the bed. After a couple of years he could drink milk and dairy products anytime. Hope this works for your daughter
I think speaking to a therapist will help her.
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Irene Bates Lutz you seem very upset by this response but bed wetting can be a symptom of sexual assault. Without more information though I would not just blindly assume that is the case in this situation but you should also not act like it’s not true because it is.
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Maybe she is just embarrassed about it. It doesn’t matter that she won’t get in trouble it is about the shame she feels because it happened. It is about not wanting to disappoint anyone. She will outgrow it. Just look for the soiled items, give her lots of love and the rest will take care of itself.
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No no no no. Sorry, but coming from a daughter that did do this for a few years, and only stopped the bed wetting when I was 17. She CANT control it. And of course she’s going to be insanely embarrassed by it. The last thing you should do is take her door or go through her phone ect, you just need to make her realise that yes, she’ll grow out of it, irs just a phase most likely caused by some trauma at a young age and her mind is subconsciously jusy doing this. “Talking to someone” migjt help, I mean it didn’t for me lmao. But you do whatever you feel is right, I just think she’s feeling super embarrassed by it still and needs to be constantly reassured it’s not something to be ashamed about. No wonder she’s hiding it if you’re way to go about it is just take her to the doctors because “somethings wrong with her” instead of working through this process with her, all of you need to be there for her and keep reminding her it isn’t her fault, she’ll grow out of it, and god don’t take her door man.
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Can you provide her with plenty of clean sheets and a personal garbage can for her room? Also make sure she knows how to use the washer/dryer and take out the garbage bag. She’s probably just really embarrassed and doesn’t want anyone to know she’s doing it. If she can take care of the messes herself she might feel more comfortable
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She needs professional help, the lying and sneaking is more concerning, is she being abused or traumatized?!
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Awe you tube how to comfort her. There are many ways son e you’re not her bio mom clearly she’s really embarrassed. Poor thing
I would wonder about emotional or physical trauma as a young child. Also, she is obviously embarrassed. Maybe instead of making such a big deal about it, you show her how to wash her linens and clothes. She can treat this like any other medical condition and not feel embarrassed. Try to give her a way to deal with it, without announcing it to everyone. Ask her in the mornings if she needs her bed clothes washed. Don’t mention why. Put a trash can in her room and don’t say anything when you empty it. Put a laundry bin in her room that you pick up everyday to wash the clothes. Take the overwhelming embarrassment and stress out of an already uncomfortable situation. She’s obviously under some kind of stress and needs counseling ASAP.
Is she on the spectrum at all as this is similar. Behaviour similar and avoidance are common. You don’t say how old she is now, just that you have been in her life since she was 9. When did she start her period? How much understanding does she really have of this. There are a few good suggestions so far. Talk to her doctor, get her counselling and work with her every morning. Ask for her pads, ask for her to bring the laundry to you and work with her to put it in the washer. It could take months to get her to to take responsibility for following your hygiene rules. Does she shower ever morning?
All the bed wetters in our family were male and they usually outgrew it by 15/16 so no advice for you there. None of them took responsibility for laundry, bathing or disposal of disposable underwear
Good luck
Wishing you loads of patience.
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My son was a bed wetter for a very long time, we used good nights as well he never hid what he did but at the age 9 he shouldn’t have been we started to question it. There was so much wrong that no one knew but the doctor’s, eventually he opened up and told. He was sexually abused, physically abused while living in another home away from me. We had too make sure he was dressed warm at night literally head to toe even in the summer warmer months. This was a comfort for him and to feel secure. I can’t say this is for all children but maybe seek options that other’s recommend if you’ve tried medications and doctor’s.
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I almost thought this post was my kids step mom, however I have multiple other children. We have a daughter who is 12 and wets the bed still and does a lot of the same things. She’s been to therapy and we have done all the things. Nothing has helped. She has been diagnosed with OCD and ADHD though. We were basically told there was no trigger or trauma or health issues causing it. We even tried having her tonsils and adenoids removed because the doctor thought maybe because they were so swollen she wasn’t sleeping well and then would just pass out really hard and pee in her sleep. It’s basically come down to “it’s a phase and she will grow out of it eventually”. We had her on meds for awhile too with no luck. I have diagnosed adhd and OCD as well and definitely didn’t do this growing up. So I am at a loss. I feel for you though. Explore your options and make sure it isn’t medical or mental though before anything. We ended up telling our daughter that she needed to sleep on bed pads over plastic sheets and needs to change and wash her own bedding daily and shower (huge struggle we are still working on). It also seemed like it was getting better for awhile but then she got her period and it got worse. Eventually she will get sick of being the stinky/gross kid is basically what our pediatrician told us and she will stop. Also worth mentioning, when our daughter was younger she was diagnosed with autism via a brain scan. As she got older they diagnosed OCD and ADHD and said that might have been the cause for them seeing her brain misfires. So idk. I feel like it’s more of a habit for her at this point and she has openly admitted she doesn’t want to get out of her warm bed to pee and the peeing of the bed makes her bed warmer 
so there is that too. Again, no help, but explore the different options and rule out medical issues and trauma before anything.
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She needs to be seen by a Dr educated in Tethered cord and other comorbidities
- your punishing her for something she can’t controll 2) have you thought maybe she’s lieing because she’s ashemed OR that something else might be going and is too scared to tell? A lot of kids bet wet because they are kids or is a sign of something else happening either try to get on her level or find someone who can and hopefully get to the root of the problem taking her door will do nothing but push her away and make it so she doesn’t trust you and feel more ashamed because now her issue is a public thing for everyone else
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Please don’t take her door off 
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It will stop when it stops. I get so tired of non bed-wetters that always want something to be wrong with children that wet the bed. Its not always the case… They just don’t realize that they’re doing it until its too late, but its not intentional. If they’re hiding the evidence its out of shame. Signed: A former childhood bedwetter
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If this is only happening at night…perhaps she is afraid of the dark. Look into that.
My 13 year old does the same thing
Find a therapist for her. Not punishment. That’s just cruel . She’s a child and is clearly confused and really embarrassed. I’m so sad for her .
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Dies she have a history of nightmares or night terrors? My oldest daughter (now 24) went through this around age 8. We had recently moved and her room was far from the bathroom. Took her to therapy and found that the “dark creepy hallway” coupled with her nightmares made her try to hold it for fear of getting out of bed by herself. At times I found her trying to hide it when I’d get her up for school due to embarrassment. It doesn’t matter to a child if you say you won’t be mad, embarrassment is still there. Therapy is beneficial in any case but maybe try a good flashlight in her room and wall lights from her room to the bathroom. If she’s also embarrassed of her cycle get her some pad bags to wrap her pads in so they can’t be seen in the trash. My mind went to trauma with my daughter also but it’s not always that deep. Best of luck to your family.
Have her talk to someone. I’m not trying to say this is the case for her but it could be some other type of trauma she is experiencing. I was sexually abused as a child and as a result I was a bed wetter late in my childhood. I feel for her, she is definitely already embarrassed about it. Punishing her isn’t going to help. You need to find the root of it.
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Don’t be hard on her.
Bed wetting is common
The way I’m feeling reading this post is she is embarrassed.
And their could be something horrifically deep lying down under… …
Like a past sexual abuse incident. 
Us victims will always answer with I don’t no why I’m doing the wrong thing and cry!
Their should be no!
Discipline. Or rules here.
IT IS WHAT IT IS. DEAL WITH IT.
DONT MAKE HER FEEL ANY WORSE AND SCARED THEN SHE DOSE.
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I pwould get her a trash can for her pads. I would get her the kind that opens by sensor. (Sort of fun to use). Explain to her that by using that can, it will keep the smell out of her room. Put a laundry basket in her room so she has a place for the dirty sheets. Maybe this will help her with taking care of her room. I don’t know how old she is, has anyone talked to her about her cycle & why she gets it? Does she know it’s natural to get it? If not, get her the American Girl All About Me book. Haver her read it, then go over it with her. Don’t get embarrassed. It’s a great tool! Good luck!!
How much one on one time does she get with dad?
Splitting of a family unit and transition to a different family unit can be very emotional for a sensitive person. TLC can go a long way.
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I used to wet the bed until they figured out it was my thyroid
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DONT take her door, literally do not take her door off 
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Why do I have a horrific feeling someone is doing something to her with threats of don’t tell anyone and this is her way of letting you know? She’s hiding something…and it’s not just her pads and linen
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Taking her door off is ridiculous… please don’t do that. Perhaps a councillor
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Go to the therapist or psychologist. Bed wetting in older children is often a sign of past or present abuse.
They can give you advice on how to react too.
In the mean time out a big hamper in her room and tell her anything soiled should go in the hamper. Put clean linings, pads etc in her room for her to access . She probably faces a lot of embarrassment. And if you think about it , even adults avoid being embarrassed and hide stuff. But if she cries and can’t communicate I feel like there is a deeper darker issue. I don’t think punishment is the answer .
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She may have been thru something or talked down too or anything… What reasons should she be ashamed to come to one of you. Which one shamed her. I started at nine no one actually talked to me … just said you have to be careful now … like what you mean … I had to learn and teach myself. Not because no one cared . People assume a child a young girl already know how… and the peeing part is she scared to get up to go to bathroom… Don’t shame her talk to her. To me sounds like she’s been thru something or being out down for things she doesn’t understand
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Quit asking her why! she doesn’t know why she does these things. Tell her what to do with the linen and pads when soiled and everyday check that it has been done. While doing so you need to watch your tone of voice. Use one reminder in the morning as if you are training your child to put on deodorant. Don’t make a big deal of it. Hopefully she will outgrow it. If not she will know how to clean it up.
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Removing the door? Wow. Obviously y’all have dragged this child thru the wringer for something she has no control over. She seems terrified and that’s why she’s hiding them. Especially since she cries. All the females in my family had the same issues until they started their period. No medication or restricting drinks for hours prior to bed time helped. My daughter has the same issue. No matter how early we get her to not drink anything or how many times we make her go to pee before bed she still has accidents. So she wears the good nights. And I have a trash can in her bathroom specifically for them so they can be taken out to the outdoor trash can.
Personally I feel like she is being overwhelmed and by you leaving the trash and mess hidden until she got there and addressed it seems to me would be even more overwhelming and punishment for something she can’t control. There’s a reason for this behavior. Someone has made her afraid of having accidents. Try to think of how she feels. I personally would clean the mess and trash up. Deep clean her room. Have a certain hygiene area set up for her. So her good nights are in a spot maybe near her pjs. And then have a small trash can with a bag already in it ready so when she wakes up she can throw it away before she showers. She is 9. She needs her privacy to change. Y’all are making a huge deal over this something she can’t help and it’s obviously effecting her negatively in a big way.
Oh don’t remove her door. Continue patience. Perhaps praise her when she has a dry night. Check her room daily & let her know you’re doing this.
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Find yourself an awesome mattress cover, get her a trash can for her room and have her empty it on her own. Make sure she knows how to run the washer and dryer and tell her if she doesn’t want to bring it up, then at least wash the bedding on her own and then don’t say anything to her when she does wash it. Also let her know that you are there if she needs to say anything and definitely don’t take her door. Maybe some counseling as well because even if nothing bad has happened she needs help learning to not be embarrassed about normal bodily functions and maybe if there are any health problems a counselor could also help navigate those things too.
I did similar things like these when I was being sexually abused growing up.
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talking to a specialist would be good. dont make it worse. i remember at 9 i did occachele wet the bed now i,am 83. i must have grown out of it too.
i think there is a spezial mwt jou can putt in the bed.
Definitely investigate deeper into why she’s doing rather than how to stop her.
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She has deep psycological problems. She needs to see a specialist. Abuse as a child, maybe?
Sounds like me when I was younger. Have you had her tested for ADHD or lazy bowel syndrome? The 2 aren’t linked but are possibilities
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Not a whole lot of advice , but definitely sending strong healing vibes your way. I work at a chiro clinic and chiro care definitely can help with bed wetting . Like others have suggested , deff look into getting her therapy just in case she has been abused in any form . That also can trigger bed wetting .
Good luck
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I had a bed wetting problem until 10 years old. If someone made me feel I was unsuccessful or not moving forward with my life because of it, family or not you will not longer be family no more, tf?!
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It sounds like there might be something else.going on or she may have other emotional issues and that’s how it’s showing up. There might be an underlying cause that seems unrelated
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Often children sexually abused do this. I know from experience I was a bed wetter when I was about that age and grew out of it but I had been abused by a family friend. There are of course many other reasons why. Psychological or medical. Firstly I’d take her to a therapist that deals only with children
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So my daughter is currently on medication to help her stop wetting, she is 8. She’s 2 months into desmopressin, she’s had 2 accidents which is great. Beforehand, she used to use dry nites, and when we thought she was dry we put her in knickers at bedtime. It was getting expensive to have her in dry nites every night. We didn’t understand why no matter how much we cleaned it smelt like wee, we tried the mattress etc but just couldn’t understand. Turns out she had hidden wet dry nites around the room too, under her sisters bed beneath where her sister puts her head (they are in bunk beds), behind wardrobe etc. we spoke to her, and we thought she hadn’t done it since, until just before she started the medication we had discovered wet knickers hidden in a pile under her sisters bed again. Fingers crossed we haven’t found anymore, and it seems like the medication is mostly working for her.
Personally I wouldn’t take her door, everyone needs privacy, but explain that you will have to take measures like that etc if she continues to do so. 
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Just because you say she won’t be in trouble doesn’t mean she isn’t embarrassed and can’t tell you… She shouldn’t be pū ished or have consequences
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My daughter wet bed til age 10…wouldn’t wet if taken to toilet in middle of the night…more likely to wet first thing in morning. One day it just clicked and stopped. It does sound like L may have a fear of getting told off which again won’t help the bladder/anxiety issue…possibly mum has gone ballistic about it before?
Feels like to me maybe some one has belittled her or made fun of her for it. So she hides it so whoever it is making fun of her thinks “she grew out of it” or “she no longer wets the bed” and from the information given I also feel like it’s coming from bio moms house because you said she got worse coming back from her house
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Sounds like she is terribly embarrassed, and that’s 100 percent understandable. Can u put some garbage cans in her room just for her or some laundry baskets and clean stash clothes undies just for her to access ?
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Does she have a specific bin in Her room for pads? Also a laundry basket in her room, you could possible help teach her how to change a bed it might be the anxiety of actually having to tell you. Maybe a non verbal que yous can decide together to try. I definitely would not be taking the door to her room.
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I would give her a trash bin just for her soiled pads and pull ups (i cant remember what you said you used). I would also give her her own laundry basket for her soiled clothes and bed sheets (from the wetting). Teach her how to make her own bed so she doesnt have to be embarrassed asking yall to do so. Once she gets putting them in the respective places down pat, I would move the bins to the bathroom if possible. I wouldn’t rush into taking her door tbh. That may make the situation worse. Children still need their privacy. Take it from someone who has had their door taken, its not fun and every time you see the lack of door, you get frustrated. Shes already embarrassed adding frustration will only feed the fire.
I would also look into maybe therapy. Just because there isnt a physical problem, doesn’t mean its not psychological.
My son is 6 and he uses his trash can even dumps it out himself it’s helped him from hiding his pull ups maybe get her one with a lid that closes
I bedwetted until I was 18. I was in the foster care system I had been in 13 different home. 15 different schools. I met my boyfriend and everything changed. It’s psychological, or it was for me.
I use to babysit a little girl that did this…she would hide her underwear…this little girl also had been sexually abused in her past…I’m not saying that’s the case but deff look into it to be safe. She could just be wetting the bed and is embarrassed so she’s hiding it…also, little girls don’t like their dads being involved when it comes to stuff like this so maybe this is something just the women should handle…i.mean at 9 I wouldn’t want to be having discussions with my dad about accidents and sanitary pads…just saying.
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