My stepdaughter is two will be 3 in less than a month. She uses to get up at night and take herself to the bathroom at the house, which she spends the majority of her time. Me and her dad have talked to her mom about not using pull-ups when she sleeps that if she cuts her juice off a good amount of time before bed and take her maybe once or twice a night to go potty she won’t pee the bed and will start going her own which she did until about the last few weeks she has been peeing the bed every night and we know it’s because at her moms house she puts pull-ups on her and she doesn’t have access to the bathroom. Her mom was telling us too bad but pull-ups and put them on her. But we don’t see why if she was once waking herself up and going? What should we do? Because obviously her mom is refusing to stop using them which really we think she is too lazy to get up and take her and doesn’t want to deal with her throwing a fit when she tells her she can’t go to bed with a cup (she doesn’t throw a fit at our house about it because she knows we won’t cave in) I feel like she is being held back from her full potential of using the potty lots of parents would team for their child to be able to wake themselves to go to the potty. She is so proud of herself when she does; it’s not like we are pushing her to get up and go. She does it just fine and will go straight back to be peacefully every time ( up until these last few weeks). What should we do cave in and get pull-ups? I don’t think so because she has made so much progress. She is at our house seven days a week, roughly 3-4 nights a week or more.
This is more of a rant post. What can you really do? Her mom will do as she pleases with her child. All you can do is what you are doing at your home with her and it will stick at some point. She will at some point not even wet the pull up at moms house. Maybe try having dad talk to mom?
Just remember that in the near future she will be potty-trained. Maybe she has lost some progress; but she won’t be starting school in pull-ups. It’s hard co-parenting. Hang in there.
No. Don’t cave and tell lazy ass mom if she continues this behavior you’ll take her to court to amend custody further since she isn’t fit. Tell her she’s gonna be starting school soon and they won’t allow for that, because they won’t. Suggest a stool for the bathroom. My 3 year old uses one and has no problem taking herself and getting back in bed day or night.
What happens at her mom’s house is none of your business. Know your role and learn to pick your battles.
This seems like you are being negative towards her mum. If all you can find wrong is her mum uses a pull up I would say she’s doing an amazing job. Theres no gospel way too raise children. Having negative feelings towards the other parent can damage a child much more.
Let it go! You just keep doing you!
Some of these comments are flat out ridiculous. “Know your role/place”… she’s simply trying to help potty train a child. I agree, it does sound like mom is lazy and wants to keep using the pull ups. If anything… I mean, since according to people’s comments, it’s done of your business… HA! I WOULD have mom provide pull ups for y’all’s house as well. If she doesn’t want her child potty trained… so be it.
This is the childs mom. You need to butt out and quit causing issues
You can’t tell her what to do with her child that she gave birth to…it seems like you’re overstepping your boundaries to me know your role and stay in your place #ThatIsAll
Just keep doing what you are doing at your house. As far as the comments as “know your place” she does know her place and it’s as a parent. Step parents have just as much to say in raising step kids as they have with biological children. I applaud step parents. It’s not an easy roll and you chose to be a parent and part of a child’s life that wasn’t yours because of your love towards their mother/father and towards the child. Eventually the potty training will stick. Just be patient. In this case there is nothing you can do about how the mother wants to do things. And always, always make sure you never complain about mom in front of the child no matter how old that child is. Good luck!
Imagine being told how to parent your own child by your ex husband’s new girl. As much as she’s hindering, just let the dad deal with it. Sometimes we women like to have control thus we fight each other. The little gonna wean off sooner or later
Just because a child uses pull-ups at bedtime does not mean she will not get up and use the potty. She would be wearing underwear if not pull-ups. They are for training and protects the mattress and are used during the daytime, too.
Firstly, my pediatrician has told me a long time ago with my oldest (now 30) and I have four. That you should never be waking your toddler up in the night to go to the bathroom. Secondly kids regress sometimes while potty training. That is normal. Thirdly you are blaming the mother for this child wetting the bed. Bed wetting is the last part of potty training to achieve. This child is two. It might take time to achieve dry nights permanently. You are expecting too much. Nobody has the right to blame the mom nor tell her what to do in her own home with her own child. The child is two everyone needs to be patient and consistent and it will eventually happen.
Unfortunately this is out of your control. All you can do is keep reinforcing potty training at your home. She will eventually get it, even if it takes longer.
I am a step mom and I know how frustrating it is to try and coparent. cause all you want the best for the child. It’s very sad these days cause people don’t want to work together and do what’s best for the child. Instead people being negative. Why not all work together for this child.
Nothing you can do it’s up to her mother with what she does there. But don’t buy pullups at your house. She will learn that both places are different.
Sounds like it is her place and her business if she’s at her house seven days a week (Kanye shrug)
It is frustrating that you can’t set rules at the other parents house, but yes child a 2 year old child will still have accidents. A pull-up isn’t going to cause the accidents. It’s unsettling for a kid that young to do so much back and forth with different rules at each house, but honestly, she’s the girls mother. You signed up for it. If the mom wants to use pull-ups, then use pull-ups. My daughter was in pull-ups for a month accident free before I stopped putting them on her and used big girl underwear. The kid is ALMOST 3 for Pete sake. She’s not 3 yet. And most kids I know still have accidents until they are 4
The know your place/role comments are ridiculous. Parenting doesnt have a place or a role. It doesnt have a “stay in your lane” option. There are just several people who parent instead of the original two, and there are 2 households intead of one. Point blank. 
Things might be different between the two places but in the end there is “no role” but parenting for all.
You do your thing and guess what her mom can also do her thing. The only one holding this child back is you and your control issues
Never used pull ups for this exact reason they inhibit the entire process im sorry youre going thru this this is right around the age my daughter was basically accident free and fully in undies and i caught my mil using pull ups i snapped and told her she wouldnt have her till she got her shit together…
We won
Leave the mom and dad to train thier child. I wouldn’t want an ex’s new woman telling me what to do with my kid. You are just going to cause drama and stress for dad.
Keep teaching her the way you want her to go. It is hard on the child to not have distinctive & clear expectations. Do not change your pattern. It is a healthy pattern. Chances are since the b.m. is willing to tell you to basically piss off, she is more recalcitrant towards her little daughter telling her she needs to go to the bathroom. Who knows? Maybe puts her to bed, shuts the door and doesnt let the child come out til morning. The child’s truth is only known to the child’s perception of what is really happening. Keep your guidelines to this sweet child simple and praise her for communicating with you about her personal needs. She not only depends on your intelligence, but your consistency. Love is the perfect salve to her young heart. Remain faithful.
What’s wrong with her wearing a pull up? It stops from there being any accidents on the bed. Maybe the back and forth in different houses is the issue. If she is getting up I’m different houses to go to the bathroom maybe it’s confusing her when she’s tired. As far as her suggesting you putting a pull up on her at night time I agree with her. If you’re upset about accidents then put a pull up on her.
Wow I’m seriously shocked everybody telling you to mind your own business. That child is your business and the mother needs to step up if the child can go to the bathroom with no issues.
The little girl will get sick in tired of feeling wet.theres not much u.can do about the mother.putting.her.in.pull.ups she.is her mother.after.all in.her care.just.keep.doing.what your.doing.theres.no abuse.so what.are u worried about carry on good.luck
No rule book is supplied with those little tots. We all have different ways and I think if your in someone else’s house. Their rules, their house, saves arguments.
You’re not her Mom… do what you do at your house and let her Mom do what she does !!
As a mom who co parented until I gained full custody… the advice I can give you is… let the dad deal with the mother. They need to be on the same page. It is not your place to talk to the mother about it. The child is two, we used pull ups on our daughter until she was ready to be in underwear full time. It sounds like you are wanting to be trained faster than she is ready for. Two year olds will have accidents, and it’s perfectly acceptable for the child to have a cup of water by her bed. You can not set the rules at the mother’s house.
It’s being lazy and you do what you do and she will get over this hump. In fact, offer a small reward before she goes to sleep there if she can do it without wearing a pull up and go smaller rewards for less times in them. In other words, encourage her to be responsible for not wearing them, pack enough panties to get her through the stay…even a reward for bringing them back…you can see if she does it. Make it a game and fun, she’ll do it on her own in time.
Unfortunately it’s a battle.
If that woman cannot take care of the daughter, which is her responsibility as it’s her husband’s child, then the child will not go over there. It is a form of neglect.
My kids are 22, 21, and 20. I used pull ups at night in case of accidents because it’s miserable for a child to wake up with cold, wet blankets, sheet, and bed. Even mats are miserable and I will say this…my kids were all potty trained at 3. At 2, they, ON THEIR OWN, will have set backs. Now this is assumption but I guess mom has her 90% of the time? If that is the case, she knows her child, her abilities, and her progress better than anyone…this set back may be just because she is TWO. Drs don’t even recommend potty training until fully 3 to start because of the abilities of a 2 yr old. Respect mom…this is the problem moms have…a step parent thinks they know more. If you love this little girl, best thing you could do is RESPECT HER MOM and her rules!
You can still train her with pull ups. Her parents need to discuss what happens with her mom.
Thats her mom and you cang tell a mother how to take card of their own child.
Relax let it be, they grow up so fast no rush
Key words…“her mum”
Butt out.
This to shall pass. Hang in there
nah nothing wrong with putting a pull up on at night. It just in case kids don’t wake up at night to go to the toilet. I put undies on during the day on my kids at that age and pull ups at night. Some kids still be in pull ups for a long time. And sometime being in a different house will start it of again.
You cannot tell a mother how to parent. I’ve been on both sides of the “step” situation and I’d be damn if my child’s stepmom over stepped her boundaries and try to tell me how to parent. On the other hand I also always knew my place with my stepchild. Let dad deal with mom if it’s that big of an issue
This is why kids today have no respect for none because ppl can’t talk to them and it starts from home with who u can lessen to and who can’t talk to u some of u tripping, that lady might not be that little girls mother but she wants the best for her. These are some reasons why father stay out of there kids life lets be real 99% of the time if a man takes a wife it’s his wife that takes care of the kids and the house hold. Once my kids is taken care of and is being loved it ok. We’ll work something out.
All I can say is keep doing what you’re doing. The said child will indeed thank you later. Your stepdaughter will learn who cared most. I will personally say I see alot of criticism but opinions are like assholes everyone has one!
Stay in your lane, chick. She’ll be just fine the way mom is doing it.
So putting a pull up on a child at night is now considered wrong? So you want her mom to wake up 2-3 times a night to take her potty? 
That seems like broken sleep for everyone
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Frustrating but mom has the right to decide how to potty train her own child in her own home. I learned the hard way that pull-ups do tend to sabotage training but I know lots of parents that choose to use them.
I get where you’re coming from in trying to do the right thing by the child. But it sounds to me like the mom is pulling the mom trump card. You know the one that says my baby my way. You can’t control what she does in her home you can only control what you doing yours
I wish someone would try this with me. The kid isn’t even 3 yet. Give it time.
Maybe the mom doesn’t have help like y’all do. You have her dad and yourself to make it happen. Maybe she would be the only one doing it, and maybe she’s so tired from working that it just seems easier to put a pull up on.
But majority of the time when potty training kids do good during the day but have accidents at night.
You said that when the 2 yr comes to your house she wets the bed? If you got up to take her potty then how could she wet the bed?
Potty training is difficult whether you co-parent, use daycare or even if s family member may babysit and the kid is still only 2 so it’s gonna take time to potty train 100% as every kid is different.
Well first off it is her child you cat control other people’s actions you can only control how you act at your house
You’re not the mother deal with it she’s doing this her way
She is just two. Has loads of time to train. I don’t think it’s the step mama’s place to tell the bio mum how to raise her kid when said kid is at the bio mum’s house.
We had the same thing only my step son was nearly 4 and the mother had the nerve to ask what is he doing waking up in the night as if it’s a bad thing we told her he is doing what most humans do
Edit… we just carried on doing what we were doing and eventually he told his mum that he was a big boy and wasn’t going to wear them anymore. She tried for a few nights but he took them off
How is she wetting the bed at your house if you’re waking her up at night to go to the bathroom? You’re not her parent. You don’t get to tell her mother what to do.
Being a step parent can be hard smtmz, even when we know we’re right, if nobody wants to listen to us they don’t have to… A kid doesn’t have to be potty trained by 3 we had the same thing happen, my boy literally wears pants here but goes home to mom and wears pull ups… I can’t do shit about it, what I do know is I’m not buying pull ups so 
he is potty trained here and not at his moms
Sounds like the mom is just being a lazy ass my daughter was fully potty trained by that age she mom knows using the pullups make it harder to potty train and is to lazy to actually get her ass up to actually do it there’s no reason she needs to be in pullups there when she’s not at home
Not all parents have the ability to take a child to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Some use sleeping medicines, or are tired from work, or just have to get up early. Sorry, but shes allowed to not want to follow the routine you guys have. I’d try to compromise and cut off drinks before bed, but let her use the pull ups. Waking a child up to use the bathroom doesnt help potty training anyway. It will just make the child more tired in the morning. Most kids are day trained before they are night trained. If she wets the bed even with drinks cut off, I definitely suggest getting pull ups. They are designed to let a child know when they are wet, while still absorbing it. I’ve potty trained 3 kids and always used pull ups until they started going on their own.
Juices before bed she will have bad teeth and you cannot do anything unless you are the parent
Maybe the Mom is tired of washing sheets and bedding all the time.
She’s two, do you hear yourself? Put a darn pull up on her and let her sleep. The mom is right.
no offence but for potty training dad wouldnt help. But my daughter started at around the same age. My daughter is just a bed wetter no matter what u do.
I had the opposite. My ex and his new wife refused to take my son potty at there house. He was potty trained at my house but every time he came home the first couple of days he would regress because they put a pull up on him but the whole time he was with them not just at night. It was so frustrating and I tried to talk to them but honestly talking to the wall was better than either one of them. Just be consistent and your house. She is still young and eventually everything will workout. Don’t get pull ups at your house keep having her go potty at night and she will get it eventually at both house.
Y’all judging on the step mom here, did anyone notice how the kids sees her mom only 3-4 NIGHTS a week… i mean there has to be something wrong there already for a mother getting so little of her own daughter… don’t you guys think of that:thinking:
I understand where your coming from and that’s fine.
Hear comes the but: 1) it’s her home. Theres most likely a long list as to why shes using them. None of which she has to explain to you.
2nd) children have set backs. One step forward, 2 steps back. They don’t come with a manual in general. She’s very young and each child progresses at their own right.
The best you can do is keep doing what your doing. You can’t and don’t control how another parent raises their kid(s) in their own home. Regardless if you are co-parenting, and regardless if you aggre.
I, personally, don’t do pull-ups. Growing up in a home daycare and babysitting my entire life, I find them to do more harm than help.
However, this is absolutely not a hill to die on. 3 is pretty young to be 100% consistently dry overnight. It doesn’t mean mom is lazy or doing something wrong. Ask mom respectfully is she’s using pull-ups overnight and if she is, express your concerns in a calm, rational manner. She may have a completely different view of the situation. If you guys can’t come to an agreement then let it go, agree to disagree on this one.
I’d keep talking to the bio mom about potty training. She isn’t doing that baby any favors by hindering her progress. And pull ups are expensive! Maybe try appealing to her that way.
It shouldn’t take much longer to get the girl back on track with the potty training since she was already doing so well. If bio mom only has her a few nights a week it shouldn’t be that much of a burden on her just to follow the girls normal routine.
Why would she want to keep her from being potty trained anyway? Bio mom is being unreasonable here. This is a good age to night train.
Do it your way at your house, and if you have to start over every time she comes back from her mother’s house, then that’s how it is. You asked her to do it your way, she said no. Nothing you can do. The child will be potty trained at some point even if neither of you do anything. There aren’t any fully functional 10 year olds running around in pull ups because mom and dad couldn’t agree on how to potty train. lol
If you don’t want to change the sheets at night, put her on a plastic mattress with no sheet and tape some wee wee pads using double sided tape to the mattress that can be removed and replaced quickly at night. It saves time and laundry. Otherwise, nothing has changed. You still have to get up and take her to potty at night, regardless, right? It’s just the bed wetting. Give her less liquids, even farther away from bedtime. Maybe that will work? Idk. But you can’t force her mother to adopt your techniques.
It’s completely normal for toddlers to have potty training regression. It’s not cool to blame mom and call her lazy. If you’re doing it “perfectly” then she wouldn’t have accidents at your house either, but that’s not the case. But instead of thinking “hey, this is a normal thing that almost all toddlers go through” you’re playing the blame game.
First of all she is TWO YEARS OLD it is perfectly normal to not be fully ready for potty training at her age
Secondly if YOU are limiting liquids AND getting her up during the night to potty she shouldn’t be wetting the bed at your house
You cannot control what her actual mother does at her own house
My son is 3 and still wears pull ups to bed… not because I’m “lazy” but because potty training shouldn’t be a “forced” thing. When they’re ready they’ll tell. Although it’s great to start early if they’re willing … it’s not the end of the world if she (mom) doesn’t have potty training as her #1 priority. I’m sure she has PLENTY else to worry about and that really should be a nonissue. Especially since she’s only 2. You need to relax and let it go
I would just keep her out of the pullups at your house, cur of the drinks before bed, get her on her routine at your house and eventually she’ll be fine.
A mom will do what a mom wants to do. Especially if a step mom says otherwise.
My daughter will be 3 in January. She doesn’t wear a pull up at all during the day, but at bedtime I put one on her. She was doing really well so I stopped and then she had an accident a few nights in a row and woke up crying and upset that her PJ’s and blankets were wet. I also would rather not wash her bedding everyday. She very seldom has accidents with a pull-up on, but it’s just a precaution we will take for a little while longer. She doesn’t mind them and it saves us both from the meltdowns if an accident occurs.
getting her up during the nite realy???
All children are different but it does help when all parents are on the same page so I suggest to just keep doing what you’re doing at your house and don’t cave and she will keep doing what she’s doing at her house. Fighting with her biological mother about this isn’t going to help and it’ll just stress you out even more. Offer rewards if she keeps getting up at night to go potty. Even just taking her to a dollar store to pick something out is fun for the kids!
I’m with OP.
If they all agreed on potty training they should all be on the same page.
Pull ups are.fine her bladder is not fully developed, let her sleep. We all develope differently.
This is sort of a loaded question. So lets start with the basics first…
A lot of children potty train during the day first long before they’re potty trained at night. This is NORMAL.
If you or your husband have had to get her up to go pee at night she isn’t really potty trained at night.
And you obviously haven’t been doing that if she’s wetting the bed.
Which means that pullups aren’t lazy, they’re practical.
I’ve found pushing potty training to just not be that effective.
At this point, its imperative that you all be on the same page. Unfortunately you don’t get to decide by your lonesome what that page is.
Give the kid some time. Find a compromise.
Why are step moms always trying to be higher and mightier than the bio mom? Just work together best u can and do what u can at your house. Mom will do what she does at hers. That’s really all u can do. Shes only 2. She’ll get there eventually. My 3 yo will go months getting up at night to potty and then other times pee the bed at night. It happens. And when she goes through the peeing the bed phase… we use pull ups because I dont want my new mattress ruined.
Everyone getting up in arms because the step mom only wants to HELP the child. Get a grip, it looks like they have the child more than the mother does! If it was the mom on her talking about the dad not helping along with potty training so many of you would be bashing him. For the OP, just continue what you are doing, keep trying to potty train and eventually it will stick.
My daughter will be 3 in a few weeks and we still do pull ups at night because it prevents her from being upset if she does have an accident. She gets very excited if she’s dry in the morning so we just go with the positive reinforcement. She doesn’t get a cup to go to bed with and doesn’t drink a ton after dinner with just a small sip of water at bedtime. Maybe instead of suggesting to get rid of the pull ups just suggest the other things like no water cup, take her before bed at least and positive reinforcement when she’s dry in the AM?
She isn’t even 3 yet. This takes years to do potty training . She will have accidents all the time. It’s normal. What’s not normal is talking smack about the mom and acting like she should already be potty trained at 2 . You obviously have no kids. People like you annoy me
Her bladder isn’t ready to go all night. She’s TWO. My son had bedwetting issues until he was three and a half. Maybe talk to a pediatrician about it. I promise they’ll tell you its its perfectly normal.
Pull ups are logical because it prevents having to wash bedding every dang day! She’s THREE, keep doing your routine and she will get the hang of it at mom’s house too.
No matter where, everything should be done In the best interest of the child, apparently the mom doesn’t see it that way, shame!
My kiddos have been potty trained since they were two, the only time they pee the bed is if they have drinks after 7
What a shame the mom wont coparent on potty training. She sounds mad and jealous , wish i had advice but i dont. Good luck , and God bless You !
You can’t do anything about what her mom does with her at her house.
Maybe it’s just a phase of regression, which is super common? And asserting the Mom is just choosing to be lazy is potentially problematic. Kids are going to have different success depending on where they are, which is also going to include your home being on the “lesser” end of the success spectrum at times. It happens. I personally never understood limiting my child’s water intake. If my toddler was thirsty, he got water, no matter what. And I see that some people find it shitty- but I also woke him up once about 11pm to go pee. And he was good (he was also 3, though. And potty trained easily).
Maybe ask the Mom if she notices any resistance? She is still so little and she may be doing well for you in a performative sense- she knows what you are expecting from her and knows consequence (like you stated- she doesn’t pitch fits for you because you** [edited, accidentally put “she” originally as a mistake] won’t cave).
I honestly think that it’s likely a regressive phase due to her age. Keep communication open and just do your best to work it out.
At that age its ridiculous to expect her to make it through a night every night without accidents!
Personally I think you need to relax and let her little body develop before putting the stress of no night time accidents in her head! Only time will help her not have nighttime accidents!
My youngest of 4 will be 3 in February, has probably 3 wet diapers a week, which I think is great! 
None of you read that the CHILD was getting THEMSELVES up to go potty, they weren’t going in there and making her. Why give your opinion if you don’t even bother to fully read the post? Ignorant ass people always have the loudest opinions. Who cares if she’s the step mom either, some of y’all seem salty, maybe you’ve got a problem with your ex’s bm but Jesus, attacking this woman who’s concerned about a child just because it’s not her blood? Gtfoh
Pull ups at night aren’t a bad thing.
My son almost never pees in his pull up at night.
But, I still have him wear one because he’s 3.
Their bladders are not developed enough to hold urine all night. And it’s common to still wet the bed well into age 5/6.
You can’t tell her how to parent when she has her child.
Just an FYI. Stopping beverages will only dehydrate them and cause the bed wetting to be worse. This is what a urologist told me. How would you like to be denied water?
It’s her kid not yours.
End of story
Stick to it mama, she will get there. Not much you can do about the bio mom. But as she gets older, kiddo will be able to hold it longer.
No she shouldn’t have a cup for bed but that doesn’t guarantee a dry night every night. She is only 2 and bed wetting is not abnormal for several more years. My 3yr old wears a pull up to bed every night but most nights he is dry. The pull up is not the problem. Mom dead need to cut it the juice and the cup but but I wouldn’t did about the pull ups.
Just keep doing what your doing to help toilet train her, hopefully she will get the hang of it when shes with the mom for the couple nights.
It’s sad when people hold kids back and not allow them to learn especially when they are willing to and happy with thwir own process…
She won’t be in diapers forever. This simply isn’t worth a battle IMO