Nah honey, you’re the momma now. Do that baby’s hair and have a great time together!
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Just go ahead and do it and have a blast and bonding
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I dye my 5 year olds hair. It’s just hair. It makes her soooooo happy to have different hair.
Do what you feel comfortable with, and what makes you and your child happy. (Even if step)
I use artic fox on my daughters hair. It’s healthy for hair, so no worry on damage.
Whatever makes the child more confident and happy.
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Do it yourself with a semipermanent like manic panic or Arctic Fox
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Just do the child’s hair. Dad said he was on board. Don’t disappoint the child because of her mother’s actions. Mom sounds a bit jealous anyway.
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Well both of yall need to grow up. You not doing her hair now is petty. I feel bad for the girl. Put aside your pettiness and do her hair like you said!
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Besides birthing her, you are that girls mom and if you want to do her hair to make her happy then do it. I understand wanting to keep the peace but you’ve raised her and when the mom wants to be a mom and actually parent, she can maybe earn the right to make those decisions. Just my opinion of course 
Make it a girls day and go get her hair done. it would probably make your girl super happy to spend some extra time with you
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Tell the father to take her.
Just do her hair. Sounds like no matter what you do the egg donar is going to cause trouble anyway.
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ummm. she’s upset because she wanted YOU to do it. and now her deadbeat mom gave you attitude you’re bailing? If you feel more motherly to her then tell her you want to do her hair and you’re confident that it will look awesome on her.
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Honestly I’d just do it. Don’t punish her because her mom wants it done a certain way. If you want to lie and say a salon did it then do that. But just do her hair make her happy
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That woman just wanted to have more control over the situation than you AND you gave her the option to do so… it was a spiteful move that put you in this place and she played a mind game with you. Now you’re doubting yourself where you had no concerns to start. I say do it yourself like you were going to in the first place. Don’t let that other mom put you down for being someone that spends quality time and does activities with y’all’s daughter. Happy Mother’s Day! I’m sure it’ll look fine whatever the outcome. Remember, it’s just hair, it’ll grow back! 
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The mom says yes causing all this drama and now your not gonna do it wtf
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I am in a very similar situation. I asked her bio mom the first time she wanted her hair colored and she said it was fine. It was merely out of respect for her mom even though I am her mom too. I find that if I treat her mom with respect she tends to treat me that way. It also helps our daughter to feel more grounded. I usually am the one communicating with her bio mom rather than my husband as I’m the one making most of the decisions. The only time I would defer to him would be for something serious like about a loss of time with her due to schedule changes. Do her hair. Make her happy and she will remember you were the one that didn’t make this difficult.
Well from The sounds of it her mother wont. Ir dont sent to part with the money. I would just do it myself. An then that would be the end of it. She wants to complain let hubby handle it.
You’re taking the moms actions out on your stepdaughter. Not cool.
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I feel like you should take her. She shouldn’t be punished because mom is a butt. Honestly if you are more like her mom then her bio mom shouldn’t get the privilege of the quality time, you should. Make it a mother daughter day. But I definitely wouldn’t just not do it because of mom as it seems unfair to daughter, like she is being dragged into the drama between the two.
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Unless her birth mother is willing to pay & take her or do it herself then I’d go ahead and do it yourself if the child really wants it and if it’s making her happy! I mean it’s just hair, if she doesn’t like it then she can take her to fix it? Lol
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Just do it yourself. Bond . You can’t change the mom being jealous that your more important .
You need to take her. Poor kid is stuck between 2 fueding adults…make a spa day out of and have fun.
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My ex husband told our daughters they couldn’t get their hair cut shorter than a trim, I take the children, I pay for the children, I let them decide at 6 and 11 how short they want to go.
Dad gets angry and tells our girls that I must of talked them into having shorter hair and my girls get upset that he doesn’t believe it’s them wanting it and he tells them they look ugly now!
At the end of the day it’s not his hair on his head and he has no right to make that decision for them or tell me I can’t allow them to choose. I cannot imagine if either of them decide they like the same sex when they are older, he will most likely disown them.
Don’t let someone that does not take the parental role allow you to make decisions in your home, it’s not fair on the child most of all.
Bio Mum suggested the hairstylist simply out of jealousy that you are capable and it would be a great bonding time for the child and yourself. Please do her hair for her.
You need to do her hair. Just do her hair. That’s what the little girl wants.
Do it yourself or make it a treat for her and take her to have it done
Just do her hair, if the only person who suggested to take her is the person who suddenly can’t pay for it or even pitch in for her own child than she has no say in it, all she wanted to do is to stir up some drama, which she accomplished, I can imagine that this now put bad taste in your mouth for what it was going to be a wonderful bonding moment between you and then more than stepdaughter, but just try to shake that off and let the girl have the hair she wanted and you set out to do. I personally would not take her in and pay if the coloring is something you can do, because now the deadbeat mom accomplished what she wanted without having to put up a dime
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I would just do it yourself. It sounds like you are more her mom than her actual mom anyways. OR make a special day out of it, take her to have her hair done, and take her to lunch after. That would be a good bonding time
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Lol ask more vaguely next time, by text. Blah blah wants to do the thing wanted to make sure it’s okay. Not who is doing it or whatever.
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I say surprise her and take her out on a girl date. Pedi, Mani & get her hair done. 
Let her dad take her to salon
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You do her hair! Her mom is another pain in life! Love that child enough to fill the emptiness left by her joke of a mom!
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Well you’ve been raising her since she was 3… You should just do it.
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Don’t stop being that girls mom just because the egg donor got booty hurt.
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Just do it. It’s hair. She really wants it done and you can change it back if your step daughter doesn’t like it 
My 15yo bought bright hair colour with her own money she earns working. She’s lucky if she sees her father twice a year. Her colouring her hair has never bothered me because it’s just hair and it’s a form of self expression! But the night before the last visit, her father started going off, telling her she was to change to brown hair or back to blonde because he didn’t like it and told her she was an embarrassment 
Since your husband has sole custody her mom didn’t need to be asked. You kinda started the drama by asking her. You gave her a say. She took that opportunity to assert her control & stir things up. I’m surprised if this is the first time she’s done stuff like this. I’d just do it since you know how. Yes she’s going to have a problem with it. It doesn’t matter if you take her to salon or do it yourself something is going to be wrong with it. Explain to your daughter that her mother isn’t happy with her life & wants her to be just as miserable & that she shouldn’t take anything her mom says about her hair to heart. Just smile & say well I like it & only MY opinion matters. If you allow her mom to influence your feelings, or what you’re going to do then she has control. Don’t give her control.
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My love. Please. You can save money doing it yourself. I dye my own hair. Have since I was 18. I’m 28 now. I’m not a professional but I’m good at it. Honestly BIO mom can kiss your ass. Everyone wants to say step parents aren’t real parents. BULLCRAP. I do everything for my stepkids when we have them cuz daddies at work from dawn till dusk. I AM JUST AS WORTHY AS BIO MOM. SO ARE YOU. Go to Sally’s. They will help you find what you need. Do it yourself. It’s so fun and a great bonding experience.
If all you said is true and there’s not any more to the story, I would just do it. By the way how old is your daughter? Is it something that she’s not going to be able to have done for school? If it’s only going to be for the summer I don’t see what the big deal is at all.
In this situation I say just do it or take her. You are her caregiver and the non custodial mom is just trying to start something. If she wanted to be a mother and make these decisions should could have in the past 10 years tried to regain custody.
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If Dad, who sounds like has more custody, says it’s OK then I’d do it
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Dye your childs hair.
Pretty simple.
Do it yourself bc that’s what she wants. Make it a whole big deal for her.
And if the mother can’t be bothered, stop asking for her approval bc honey, you will never get it.
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I think you could do it, as you told your stepdaughter that you would, keeping your word to her is more important than trying to appease the mum.
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She’s 13. You can have fun with it a couple of ways… Get a temporary spray in, it washes out, is inexpensive. You can shop for the clip in extensions that come in different colors. Or, go ahead and take her to a salon. Let her have fun with it😊
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Do it yourself and just tell the mom you went to a hairdresser😏
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Just do it what you want with YOUR daughter. Deal with the fallout later. Sounds like that woman is trying to cause unnecessary stress in your life…don’t give it to it.
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Honestly it doesn’t matter what the bio mom has to say bc she just wanted to cause drama for her daughter and do nothing - you and your step daughter should do it at home and have a blast with it and if bio mom doesn’t like it who cares as long as the daughter does that is all that truly matters in the end and you will be doing what she wanted to do in the beginning.
Been there. Done that. Just color the kids hair and go on about it. If mom doesn’t like it she will take her to the salon to get it done or she won’t. I was down for step mom doing hair until she messed it up but we also recognize, shit happens and sometimes one product for one persons hair isn’t the same for another persons hair
Do her hair and make her happy
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Do it!! You have been raising her for the last 10 years. Sounds like all her mom does is out her ideas down and shoots her down. Sounds like some ideas shouldnt be mentioned to the mom, sounds like you and dad can make the decisions.
I’d do it, it’s only hair at the end of the day. It can grow out or you can strip out the colour & re-dye it… plus it saves a hell of a lot of money if you do it yourself.
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Idk why you’re trying to punish the kid just because her mom got pissy. YOU already told the daughter that YOU would do it yourself BEFORE talking to the mom. If you were going to get just as butthurt about it, idk why you even told the daughter you would do it in the first place before talking to mom. Your husband already talked to her about it and she said she was ok with you doing it. Even if she’s still pissy about it, that’s her problem. Stop putting that girl in the middle of adult drama. Her bio mom obviously does enough of that already. She doesn’t need you adding to it.
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You should do it. Her mother is trying to control you. You don’t need her permission only her father’s. Don’t let her take away from you and girl
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Take her she is “your” child and her mother gave that right up. It’s great that you try to co parent but she is just being mean. And all she wants to do is hurt you and try to turn that little girl against you. If you and her dad said yes then you take her. Good luck!! Stay strong momma
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Do you daughters hair and never mind the mom who doesn’t follow through. Before you do her hair make sure you talk to her and explain why you have waited it out. You were trying to be respectful of said moms wishes.
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So you have raised her kid for 10 years, she raised her for 3?? That is YOUR child, color her hair!
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Make it a mommy/ daughter date. Itll be sometjing nice for you 2 to do togetjer. She has been your daughter for 10 years. What can her mother do anyway? Create memories with her before she is grown. Youre her real mom now.
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I would do it just to piss of the “mom”. You’ve been there waaaayyyyyy more than the other has been so just do what you want to. Don’t let the woman criticize any of your decisions. Girl be strong for your daughter. Show her its ok to stand her ground sometimes…
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Just do it don’t make the child hurt for her mother’s actions my mom was the same way never had money our time always empty promises
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Do her hair, it’s not fair to put her in the middle of the drama
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Mama you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t 
definitely stick with the salon thing!! Perfect because it was her idea so ya she wants to have a “professional” do it let her pay half or she can take her herself sounds like she doesn’t do much anyway so the least she could have done was not shit on her daughters whole excited vibe… Honestly what it was probably wasn’t the hair thing it was that she (her daughter) was so excited about something to do with YOU! 
Do her hair. She shouldn’t have to suffer because of her mothers immaturity. You have been more of a mom to her it sounds like and I understand wanting to include her bio mom. But I honestly wouldn’t give her that much control. She is her bio mom but you’re the one actually being the mother. And her dad is ok with it so why not?
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U are her mom so u decide. If u want to do it for her do it so u can teach her.
Do your daughters hair, sounds like to me the bio mom is bitter and jealous of the relationship you two have together…
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If dad is ok with you doing if then do it make your (step) daughter happy don’t make her suffer because of bio mom
You are the primary care giver, so you get to set limits on what the other parents opinion is.
You opened the door for her to say no…
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Do her hair yourself. She can go to the salon when she pays for it.
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Take your daughter and get her hair done. And deduct half of it from ex’s money a little at a time. That should start a whole new complaint from ex.
You said you’d do it. Why she your daughter suffer because her mums can’t agree. Its become about everyone except the person it actually effects
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Just do it if daughter wants you to. Sounds like you have excellent relasionship. Sod mother, by sounds your more her mum than her bio mother.
Of course you are taking her!!! Maybe lunch after!!!
Have fun!!! Take pictures:blonde_woman:
From one step mom to another…do your daughter’s hair. It IS worth the drama. She needs you to go to bat for her.
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Take here, have a girly day go get your hair done and go for a treat for yourselves after
Just do it and pretend it was at a salon.
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Just take her she wants it done dad can pay
Ask YOUR daughter if she trusts you to do her hair… if she says yes then do her hair.
You should also apologize to her for placing her in the middle of an adult situation. You let her defend you to her bio mom and then asked Dad to step in. If you love her like your own then love and defend her like your own.
You could even invite bio mom over to help. Show your daughter that your love for her is unconditional and mature.
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Just do her hair. Get over your discomfort and bond with your girl like she wants.
Just get the temporary color from the salon there only two dollars they have blue pink purple and green red and let her have fun
Do her hair yourself. She wanted you to do it and her mom is just being petty. Especially if she can’t take her to the hair salon, why suggest it and get her hopes up? Ask your daughter what she wants to do, if you want to do it or if she wants to go to the hair salon. If she chooses the salon then tell her mom she owes you.
I have a stepdaughter and if she wanted something like that done I would it. Her mother is not involved with what’s so ever so me and her daddy are the care givers. Do her hair.
Do it. Its hair. Mom will let over it. I’m the birth mom and my kids live with their dad and his girlfriend. I dont agree with her doing it her self because she’s screwed it up way to many times with cutting. (Oldest has a head of curls) but shes good at dying it well bleaching it. I mean heck girlfriend has died my hair. (She was my best friend who got pregnant by my husband during our marriage. Err ex husband) we are over that asking other parent if its ok. I mean they are 10 and 11. But I have full legal custody we both do. He just domicile over me (I was homeless for a few yrs during and after divorce)
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Take her and get her hair done. Make a great adventure out of it. Do lunch with her. Your daughter will always remember that you did something special for her.
Just do YOUR daughters hair the womb donor can be mad… ugh its ridiculous that parents who are hardly involved make a fuss about things they have no intention of ever being involved in doing in the first place… worst case scenario mom is mad she can cry about it but whats worse mom crying or YOUR daughter crying
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At this point being 10 years. I wouldn’t have even told her to ask the egg donor. I woulda just done it. If she didn’t like it then she could pay to take her to a salon to “fix” it on her own time with the child. That’s your kid.
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Make it about the kid, not about the parents against parents. I think you should dye her hair for her. She really wants it done and she’s the one really being affected by the dispute.
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As a mom to 2 daughters and a bonus daughter I get it. I would be so upset if my daughters stepmother took her / colored her hair for the first time. That is a mother daughter bonding thing. An I know it’s just hair but that’s just me I guess.
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No way that is not your place period!!!
U got permission from her father so just do it.
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Dad said it’s fine and mom seems to just want to be dramatic about it. I’d say just do it. If mom wants to complain it isn’t perfect and you should have taken her to a salon just politely remind her doing it at home is much cheaper and no-one had extra money for the salon.
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Do it it’s hair it will grow out and it won’t even matter a year down the road
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If your husband gave you the green light to do it, then do it. It’s not just about doing her hair it’s also about bonding time. Screw her mom and listen to her father
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So for those who say no way, not her place or you would be angry if it was your child, well after 10 years of mom not raising her and claims to have no money to take her daughter to get it done now the daughter does without… well dad has custody and to me he would have the final say. Step mom tried with mom and mom wants to be a b****. I say dad and steo mom go ahead and get it done.
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It sounds like the father has more custody and he is fine with you doing it so I would dye the girls hair.
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Just do it her dad said it’s fine and she is excited for you to do it. I would go ahead and do it for her. It seems her mom isn’t happy because her daughter wants to do something fun and special with you and not her… she is your daughter as will and if it makes her happy to get it done then do it and next time her mom can take her to get it done at a salon
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She is only going without something she wants bc you’re both being petty asf. You said you have the means and/or could do it yourself but are ONLY refusing to bc the stink her bio mom made…thats petty. If you want to do it and dad supports you then do it. If bio mom has an issue she can magically come up with the money to have it “corrected.” If mom isn’t in the picture for choices she made and clearly hasn’t attempted to fix as you and hubby still has main guardianship then thats on her to get her shit together so she can have a bigger say and do. But as you said. She makes no attempts to really spend time with her own kid so fuck it
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Just take her. The biological mom is just expressing jealousy. The biological mother is making it about herself.
When you sd the mom lost custody I felt this question should’ve answered itself. You’re her mother. Do it and if she doesn’t like it but your daughter does that’s all that matters. If she doesn’t raise her or support her then she shouldn’t have a say so
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Your the mom! U have been since she was 3! That’s ur daughter. Do her hair!
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Your letting your ego get in the way and pettiness get in the way of your daughters happiness! Do her hair yourself and her mom csn just suck it up cause she was being just as petty and letting her ego get in the way of her daughters happiness!
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I agree she is your daughter you have custody of her you are raising her supporting her. I would just take her and get it done make it a incredible day of fun her mother is choosing to not be part of it after causing a fuss about it
She asked YOU to do it, so the trust is in you not in her BIO mom.
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I feel this so much!!! Having dealt with this same sort of situation (my husband has had primary custody since age 2, I’ve been here for EVERYTHING and she’s now 15), I totally get where you are coming from. I’d check with dad again. If he feels comfortable with you proceeding, go ahead and do it. I’d imagine she’s not concerned with “missing out on a big moment”, it’s more about turning the attention to herself. I’d imagine there have been plenty of “firsts” she has missed and was completely fine with. She’s choosing to make a big deal about this one because it makes you get attention, not her.
I personally think that the mom shouldnt be able to have an opinion. If she has been in your primary care for 7 years, clearly she doesnt truly care about the daughter. If she doesnt make much of an effort to be in the childs life, she should have no say in what happens with the childs hair. My bonus daughter has been in her fathers care her entire life. Her biological mom doesnt see her, calls once a year MAYBE. Two years ago my daughter was supposed to visit her bio mom and she canceled an hour before the visit… That day I took my daughter on a Mommy Daughter date to cheer her up and I died her hair pink the following day. Ive also died her hair since… We didnt even bother to ask her bio mom, so i feel like you did more than i would have… But like i said, she doesnt care to have custody so why does she care about the hair color? Shes just jealous you are more of a mom than she is
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So you already had your answer in your first two sentences. After being with you both for that long I think it would be yours and her fathers choice if daughter wanted it