Mom pitched a fit and said no then said do it. Now youre pitching a fit and saying no. Sheesh. Just do it.
*our parenting plan includes a blurb on hair color…thanks to a mishap with koolaid 
I had a similar situation. Except I was the mom and my child lives with me and always has. Dad’s girlfriend dyed her hair the day before 5th grade and it was slightly green. I told her no, my child said no, and so did my child’s father according to my child. And she did anyways. I let her have it y’all. I was so mad. But this is a different situation. Your husband is the custodial parent and she resides with you guys. If dad says is fine, then it is fine. Mom doesn’t get much of a say. Especially if child is old enough to be asking on her own.
Who and what is more important. Her moms back forth Attitude. Or your sweet daughter. She had the courage to ask. Do it for her.
1 Like
Do your stepdaughter’s have as planned. Her non custodial parent gets to way in on medical and school decision legally, not the day to day little things like hair. This is a power play by mom.
1 Like
Go ahead and do it. I have raised my step kids for the last 5 years with dad and no help from mom. Ive pierced their ears, ive taken them to get hair cuts and pretty much do as i please because they are still my children too. Dads okay with it. Mom never complains but only compliments them because she knows they are taken care of regardless.do as you please mom. Those are your kids too
1 Like
Do it with your husband’s blessings. The bio mom isn’t saying no color but isn’t willing to pay for the salon she thinks should do it. So she has nullified her right to say you shouldn’t do it!
1 Like
Her mom made it an issue because she is bitter and knows she has lost the control that she doesnt deserve. I say you do it hun it’s something fun for you guys to do together and make a memory and at the end of the day that is all that matters! I hope you do it for her and wish you guys the most fun!
Honestly I would either A. Take her to the salon and get something done with your hair too so it can be a fun girls say OR B. Just do it yourself. It sounds like this has become a battle of ego between you and her bio mom, I honestly just wouldn’t play into it. You are the girls mother, you are the one who has raised her, so you know what is best for her. Just do what is best for her.
1 Like
Just do it. Worry about what the child wants. Forget the mom. Normally I am all for mother’s and stepmother’s working things out, but this is a case of putting the child first. Her mom wants any say? She contributes. But ultimately it is your daughter’s choice. She is the only suffers if you let what her mom says/does affect you.
Your daughter asked you to do it. She defended you to her “mum”. She was removed for many reasons and now she is asking her role model. She has seen your work for years She knows what you can do. Keep being the person you are and don’t change or segregate her because of her mums out burst.
2 Likes
Dad says yes? Daughter says yes? You say yes? Pink hair it is.
5 Likes
You wrote, “after all the drama, your husband said that her mother was okay with you coloring her hair”
The answer is do it, or you’ll be the one who is prolonging this drama.
Seriously, children are in the middle. Stop taking things so personal. If adults put the children 1st, most mixed families would get along.
7 Likes
You do it. If her Mom cared… She would find the money. She was just trying to come between you and her daughter. The Bitch.
1 Like
Just do it for the daughter. If mom wants a salon then she should pay at least half if not then you should do it for the daughter. The daughter will remember later in life you did what was best and not the drama
1 Like
Sounds like you are mom and she is mother. Big difference between the two and moms win every time
I personally think you should just do it. You and your daughter were so excited for you to do it. Just because her mom had a problem with YOU doing it and not the fact that she wanted to color her hair in general says a lot. Truthfully I think she is intimidated by the relationship you two have. Unfortunately if she complains about it that’s really a her problem not a byou problem. What matters is that your daughter is happy. If her mom gives her crap about it that’s just showing her more of the type of person she is. It seems like you and your daughter have a good relationship I wouldn’t let pink hair dye and a bitter person come between that.
You should just do it! It sounds like the mother just wanted to cause drama and all she’s doing is hurting her daughter!!
Just do her hair yourself & share the experience together & tell her pos mom u took her to a salon
Do her hair. You told her you would. Why would you not expect attitude when you changed the plan…
Do it. Dad said it’s OK and she’s his daughter to and you’re not the stepmom you’re the bonus mom and if you have the experience I feel it’s fine.
Her mom had the issue with you specifically, not the fact that her daughter she hardly see’s wants color in her hair. I went through the same thing with my boyfriends two daughters years back. Just do it. But explain to the daughter you shouldn’t be the one receiving the attitude.
1 Like
I say do it she wants it done and obviously mom isn’t gonna do it so just do it she wants it done
1 Like
Just do it yourself like you planned in the first place
Ask her what she would prefer. Her mother can’t be mad at her daughter forever for a decision she made herself about her body regardless of who does it.
Sorry but I disagree, the child may have been taken from her mum but you are not her mum & do not have PR responsibility. She’s a child & should t be having her hair dyed anyway. Due to insurance there isn’t a hairdresser that would colour a child’s hair under 16. If my ex’s partner ever touched my child’s hair I would not be happy.
3 Likes
Oh just do it for the child, and stop being stubborn
1 Like
I wouldn’t ask the bio about anything. She lost that responsibility…
3 Likes
If you support her so much, why not just pay to take her to salon?! If you already know the mother does not help financially, why ask for half setting both mother and daughter up for failure and disappointment…
2 Likes
You’re absolutely right to feel the way you do, if she’s not willing/unable to pay for it to be “done right” she should shut the fck up and accept the charity the first time it’s offered. Her daughters happiness should mean more than hair that isn’t even hers.
Anyone who says you are not this child’s mom has never been a step-kid or a step-parent and need to keep their opinions to themselves!! Although I don’t think a child should dye their hair, I am not a part of your life so I don’t know all the dynamics. If her Dad and you agree on it then do it!! You know what is best.for your children or at the very least you are doing the very best you can!! Being a step-parent isn’t always easy, but keep treating her like she’s yours and ignore the haters!! God Bless!!
I would do it. Sounds like she is a controlling person and if you have had her that long in your custody I think you can and should do it.
2 Likes
You are her mom and you should go ahead and do it.
1 Like
I would just do it as she wants it done and its a chance for some mother / daughter time. My daughter is 13 and i have dyed her hair a few times.
She’s giving you attitude because you said you would do it. And now that you are able to, you refuse. That is confusing and hurtful to a child. She has 1 Mom who doesn’t do what she says she will, why would the poor child need 2 Moms like that???
4 Likes
Just dye her hair it’s only a little pink and it will come out over time…good luck …
Just do it yourself. If her mother can’t afford it the ball is in your court. She is just being petty.
Sounds about right for the mom to voice her opinion to go to a hairdresser knowing damn well she. didn’t have the money-’ and break her daughters heart. You are just as much her mom than her own mom. Know how you feel as my daughter has a similar situation. Follow your heart, if you’ve been doing hair – Go for it!! Why spend an outrageous amount of money at a salon when you can. Do the same and save money…
Agree with all the above!! Go with original request, she wanted you to do it. That says alot about how she feels about you. Don’t let mommy dearest ruin it for her or you. Do it and have FUN with her!! 
7 Likes
Just do it. You and your hubby have primary custody and hubby said do it. Part-time mommy can deal with it.
4 Likes
Color that girls hair. Either do it yourself for the bonding time, or take her to do it. It was nice to include her mother, but you should’ve known how it was going to end at this point. She can’t suggest going to a stylist and telling you what to do when you raise and financially take care of this child. She can’t choose when she wants to be involved or pretend to care if she’s not willing to be apart of it in any way, shape or form.
So do it. Take her or color it yourself. 
I’m sure it’ll look amazing either way.
1 Like
Just do it. Obviously the"other" mom is jealous of what you and your daughter have.
3 Likes
Dye it and say a hairstylist did it if her mother has anything to say. Her father and you have every right to do so.
This child has asked you. She also can buy hair dye and have it done elsewhere and you’d have to fix it up. You have experience and both of you can enjoy the outcome.
1 Like
It’s pretty clear that the “mom” doesn’t care to do what her own child wants so you should just do it yourself! I know you said you weren’t comfortable with doing it anymore but it’s about what the child wants and that is for you to do her hair so do it for her and forget what “mom” says because she’s not interested in co-parenting or what her child wants so don’t worry about her and make YOUR daughter happy!
4 Likes
Do it. You’ve been more a mum to her than her own. Her dad, you’re husband now, not hers, said do it, so do it.
I think, since you don’t feel comfortable doing it yourself now, that you should take her to the salon yourself. At the end of the day, it’s about your step-daughter.
2 Likes
Go ahead and do it she wants you to forget mom!
The child asked you. I personally would just do it for the child. It was nice to ask her mom about it, but I personally dont think she has a right to tell you or your husband what to when you guys have been the ones raising her and financially taking care of her for the past 10 years. She can’t pick and choose when she wants to be involved.
6 Likes
Honestly your husband has all say in what ur daughter can do, yes it’s the right thing talk with her mother but she ain’t the primary care taker, unless it’s something major you so not have to have said mother’s permission. Awesome for you 2 for being the better parent but the next time I would just do! It’s hard as we did every other weekend with ours and we never got a heads up or asked, but it’s all about what the kids want, as we always get and give the kids what they want and should you get to you with out the mother’s B’s.
You should just dye her hair yourself like you had originally planned. 
And stop the petty back & forth with the bio Mom. It’s unnecessary.
3 Likes
Solve it by not going permanent and do the 24 wash out one.
Not sure how old she is ,but myself .
I like Natural hair for my daughter’s.
Just do it. It’s what the child wants and while she isn’t fully capable of making big decisions, choices about her hair and who does it are appropriate for her age. I understand you’re trying to give respect to her as her mom, but if it’s a losing battle then your husband just needs to humor her; let her yell it out, say I understand, but I, as the father, said it was okay. He needs to keep it short, to point and stick to the facts of the situation that way he doesn’t allow her to get into semantics and control the conversation. He needs to approach the way he talks to her in a different manner. He needs to tell her he’s not going to run every little decision he ultimately makes for his child by her, unless it has to do with serious life changes. Something little, like hair, is something she’s already missing out on because she has problems with initiating AND follow through. (Dont tell her that part, but definitely your husband needs to establish boundaries with decisionmaking with mom).
1 Like
It’s only hair - the pink will fade long before the memory 
And in the end, it’s your daughter who will reap the benefits of sharing that bit of fun with you. I know from experience how hard it is to co parent but this doesn’t have to be one of those big dramas unless you let it. Enjoy!
I say , do it! Your daughter should not have to be sad because her birth mother is raising hell.
2 Likes
I would just dye her hair yourself. I’m sure you will do a great job!!! Kudos to you trying to include her mom to begin with. It’s a wonderful bonding experience and it can always be fixed. Keep up the special bond you have with your step daughter!!! She will appreciate it when she gets older!!! Hope you have fun!!!
2 Likes
The mother is feeling inferior because she can’t do it and can’t pay to have it done. You mentioned that it was something you could do together, so in order to lessen the drama and the daughter’s anxiety over all of this, I would suggest that you do it at home, but invite the mother to come and either watch, or maybe even participate in doing it. You didn’t mention why the girl was removed from her mom, and that’s certainly no one’s business, especially strangers, but regardless of her problem, it still hurts her to see another woman doing her job. And for Pete’s sake, adults don’t need to be putting all this stress on a child, especially with something as temporary as hair color!
2 Likes
It sounds like your trying to do something nice but you are also playing the same games as her mother if she has been with you for over ten years what was the point if asking you should have just done it yourself what matters is what the little girl wants and she wants it done so if you do hair what you waiting for
3 Likes
Have her Dad take her to the beauty shop.
Just do it. You have been her mother for 10 years.
This is a tough one. The bio mom will cause big drama and take all the joy out of it for your daughter if you do it. You don’t want to put your daughter in a position of having to lie to her to avoid it either. Maybe take her to a hairdresser the first time and then do it yourself if she wants to do it again? My daughters have done the wild hair colors and it fades out pretty fast. It’s not worth putting the girl in the middle of a big arguement.
1 Like
Color that little girls hair. You have been her mother. You have every right to.
Your daughter talked to you about it first which shows that it’s something she would like to do with you…I’d do it and if the egg donor doesn’t like it she can pay to take her to a salon. If she doesn’t contribute she doesn’t have any say
Do her hair. Tell the mother the hairdresser did it
1 Like
Do her hair yourself mom is being a jerk
1 Like
Let her mom take her to salon or you do it and if mom asks it was done at a salon
If it’s such an issue then have dad go too! Family day!
A primary focuses with the daughter wants done
“we have her most of the time except every other weekend and some extra time during holidays”
If the mother legally has her every other weekend and some on holidays, allow the mother and father to come to agreement on if her hair should be colored or not.
It’s not a matter of who fully finances the daughter. The father should be doing that anyway.
You and your husband having a child together has nothing to do with the roles of the biological parents of the daughter.
As beautiful as it is that as a stepmom you care for her as if she is your own, your role doesnt override her mothers request not to color her hair.
You seem to praise yourself for “doing all the things mothers do for their kids” but dont give credit to her mom for being a mom?
You said “feel as though I should have some say when it comes to her.” Keyword; some. The mother has some say too.
“we said that would be awesome.” Thats a healthy response but perhaps that should have included “let’s also hear what your mom thinks about the idea first.”
“I offered to do it, as long as it was ok with(In an effort to co-parent which has never been easy) her mom.” This was perfect. The flaw is that you didnt mean what you said, if you had meant it, you would have followed through with the mothers choice.
“she was all excited, telling her mom that she wants her Hair done and that I can do it for her and asking if it’s ok.” This could have been prevented, had you or your husband called the mother and discussed it beforehand.
“she was basically defending me to her mom, so I just left the room for them to talk,” The daughter should never have been in a situation where she needed to defend you over a parental issue.
“She comes out, and now she is upset and that her mom said she wants it done by a hairdresser” Okay so the mother was making a healthy compromise. Apparently she didnt say no, and agreed to have it done by a hair dresser. That’s fair enough.
“which I feel she should have spoken to my husband about her concerns, not my stepdaughter.” How you “feel” about concerns exchanged between mother and daughter is irrelevant. Again, if you or her father had called the mother, beforehand this could have been prevented.
“after a big whole drama fest, her mom said I could do it.” Its obvious the mothers original consent was to take her to a hairdresser. Simply do that. I’m sorry, where are the adults that are suppose to be thinking this through? The mother, unfortunately just wanted to make her daughter happy with a fair compromise and ended up making a decision that makes her uncomfortable.
“I told my husband I am not doing it now” and that’s the way it should be. Taking her to a hair dresser is best. However, its childish to have that attitude.
“her mom can take her to a salon.” If you cant handle the situation, then yes, the mother can take her to the salon instead of you.
“Now my stepdaughter has been asking me when I’m going to do her Hair” This is getting foolish beyond measure.
“But now I’m getting the attitude for it.” I can see why, clearly.
“she has to go without something she really wanted.” and that’s ok, children need to learn how to adapt to being told NO once in a while. What isn’t ok are the parents sending mixed messages to her.
Take her to the salon or tell her no, she will survive.
Just dye the kids hair 
1 Like
Omg! Color the girls hair
1 Like
If you’re using bleach, be conservative. Also there are plenty of fun colors that wash out after a few hair washes. Have fun!
1 Like
I would just do it yourself.
How old is this young lady???
Just do it. The only one suffering here is the kid. Let the other unmom deal with her own issues.
5 Likes
Do her hair, if her bio mom doesnt.like it, she can take her to hairdresser at her expense to remove it
8 Likes
You are her mother now do do your daughters hair😊
6 Likes
Do her hair it’s great bonding time for you both and your daughter will love it.
2 Likes
Yes she is ur daughter I would go an do it for her since her mother isn’t going to do it. My foster daughter which is my adopted daughter now she is 16 an she wanted to dye her hair I told her if her mom didn’t care I was fine with it. I did it an her mom hates it an told her daughter that my daughter who is 14 I did hers too that she liked hers better then ( her own daughter’s hair which is black color) an my daughter hair is red/purple color. My adopted daughter mom said we should of had it done by a hairstyles person. I have been dyeing my own hair for 25 years now an it’s always come out good. Best of luck to u. My girls love their colors they picked out an I am fine with it.
1 Like
I would do it as the bio mom is trying to make things harder. As said above she shouldn’t be put in that type of situation plus she trusts you
2 Likes
I’d go ahead and do the hair. Because if you do it or a hair stylist does it. bio mom will probably say something negative about it. As long as your step daughter likes it that’s all that matters.
1 Like
Just do it the way you planned to initially as long as your daughter- and I purposely left out the ‘step’ and your husband are ok with it. That girl needs you to be the mom you already know you are to her. Don’t let her down the way her mom does. You gave her a chance and she didn’t take it. It’s her loss, but don’t make it the kiddos loss too
3 Likes
I been thru things like this b4. Its hard… Personally, just do her hair. If her bio mom dnt lik it, oh well. She had the chance to take her to have it done at a salon n she didnt take that opportunity. Dnt make the child suffer tryin to appease the other parent. I hated that! Make her happy. She is YOUR child. Bond wit her. Ur not just a stepmom. Ur the mom that stepped up…
1 Like
Just do the child’s hair, she should not be put in the middle of this drama
2 Likes
Do her hair!!! She was so looking forward to you doing it to begin with!!! It could be a wonderful bonding experience too
1 Like
Do her hair! Her mom will have to deal with it!
Respect her wishes as the bio mom and see if maybe you all can sit down and come to a resolution.“JUST DOING IT” seems like not only are you doing to say “i trump you” and becomes about yall then the child.But it creates more tension on something simple.ijs
Do what most of mothers in this position do when dad does come through for the kid…go get the girl hair done. First u do it, to see if it’s what she wanted before paying someone.
1 Like
Do it… if her bio mom doesn’t like it than maybe she shouldn’t have suggested something different… or she shouldn’t have lost custody in the first place…
just do her hair she trusts u
I was sure I’d be on the mom’s side before I read this, but alas…no ma’am. I think you should do it and tell her mother why. I’d also say, “since you’re broke don’t make costly suggestions. Going forward please remember who provides for your biological daughter.” Also, I’d tell the daughter your thought process if she’s old enough to understand, so she can cut that attitude. Being a stepmom is hard enough. She should be grateful her kid has a good one.
1 Like
Who ever raised the baby is the parent if you can truly say you treated her as your own.
1 Like
Use the spray on temporary hair colors for teens. Washes out.
Do your step daughter’s hair. If you let a barely there mom to dictate you will be the loser in the end.
You’re basically “punishing” her for something she had no part of. She was excited, she wants YOU to do it. I feel it’s a bit childish on your part now that everyone says you can and you’re refusing. Either go ahead and do it yourself or pay the whole bill to take her to a salon.
Just do it . Save the money on the salon and get it done . Problem
Solved .
1 Like
Like NIKE would say “ Just Do It “
Do her hair. You are kinda punishing the child because her mother is obviously a POS and clearly making YOU look like the bad guy. Do. Her. Hair.
You are way too kind. We have an adopted daughter and she is my sister’s bio child. I would never ask for her permission for anything. Our daughter was taken from her and I was the Foster Mom for a while. Her bio mom has no say in our decisions. Don’t give her power, because they just pretend they are being a present parent, until like in your situation, they have to pay financially.
If she was taken away from her mom is there a way to terminate her rights to the child either way just do her hair biomom has no say from now on if I were you
Her mom said yes, however the issues she gave y’all, so I’d say do it!