That’s a very childish, petty mother. You don’t involve kids in adult business first of all. Your husband needs to grow a pair and tell her to stop though because that is unbelievably disrespectful to you.
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Throw the whole husband away!!!
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Don’t cook for them then
Who has custody ?
Are you sure the children are being honest and not trying to manipulate the adults ?
Id be calling her. Try for a meeting in a public place . Talk about the children and what they are saying . Let her know that in your home they eat what you provide…they get treated exactly the same as your bio children and do not get carry out unless the family does.
Could be the children are playing one side against the other tbh but you really need to at least talk to her. Maybe she is concerned because the children are telling her they cant eat your food
Children are very good manipulators especially if they realise they can get what they want because both sides are not in agreement.
If all else fails maybe its time for mediation or court to sort things out but really adults should be able to fix this themselves .
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I have cooked almost every day for my family out of my 38 years being married! If my kids came home with food from a fast food restaurant they knew better to call and ask if anybody else wanted any, because it’s rude and not fair to eat that food in front of everybody without asking who wanted something! If she wants her kids there fast food she can send enough money for yours too if not they can eat with your cooking! Put your foot down!
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Now is the time to meet the other mother. I would show up at her house and see exactly how she lives!!! Fight fire with fire!!!
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I don’t get why you guys have not met
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She’s playing a d*** measuring contest and you have yet to put yours on the table… need to do it now.
If you have never met, and she’s never eaten your cooking, the problem is with the kids. They either talk crap because they feel like they get more attention from mom with something exciting to gossip about or they genuinely don’t care for the food and told mom. The mom may be feeling upset that her kids are hungry, so her way to fix it is to let them have take out when they are at your house. My kids don’t like other peoples cooking either, they are used to mine. I fear they will get hungry and I always pack a lunch box full of snacks when they stay the night at Mamaws. And let me add Mamaw is one heck of a excellent cook!!! Best around! But they just light snack at her house. Kids are fickle little twerps🤷♀️. I have a feeling if you personally call and talk with the mom, you both could figure out a solution. I agree the dad needs to help with this too, but leaving him over Wendy’s take out is a ridiculous suggestion. Have the kids write a list of foods they like and see how to add it to dinner, re-budget if needed. I absolutely do not agree to the kids eating infront of your babies!!! If it cannot be resolved, then I would have dad take his plate and the kids with their take out elsewhere. Maybe the light bulb will click on and he’ll realize someone needs to have adult conversation with the mom, and not go between the kids… I wouldn’t make them eat what they don’t like or be hungry, like some suggestions… picky or not.(We all know nobody really would either). Think about it differently… if it was your kids coming home saying they was hungry because they didn’t like the food, you would want to make sure they was eating, right? Even if it meant sending money for Wendy’s. She may not be able to afford it either, but maybe it eases her mind! You need to talk with her yourself… One rule in our house, if there is not enough for everyone then no one gets it.
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Sorry no wendys. Why do other mothers do this to their kids. Move one hunny stop punishing your kids for something they didn’t do.
I’d talk to your husband and maybe you all can talk like adults. It’s obviously not about the food. But maybe fix them rabbit food (salads) with some grilled chicken there are good recipes. Maybe get them involved in the preparation of their food.
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You have much bigger problems at the moment other than Wendy’s and that would be locating your husband’s BALLS.
Husband needs to grow a pair 
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Woah red flag there lady. 5 years no physical contact or meeting with her yeah that’s a no go. And maybe that’s part of the problem. You both together should be setting rules and making it as one big family if you can. He should have your back in your home plain and simple. No eating out unless it’s a family affair.
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My house our rules and your husband needs to get on board supporting you. Hopefully a sit down talk will help, others I see why he’s an ex.
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If it were me, I’d ask the kids what they like to eat and then sit with them together and look for recipes and have them help.
Who’s house is it? She doesn’t want to eat what you cook she can go hungry.
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Hubby needs to grow a pair or it’ll never change.
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stop letting them get fast food. or call the mother using the child’s phone if needed and tell her it’s dinner time and she needs to come get her kids.
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You better knuckle up
Put your foot down. YOU contact mom and see what’s going on. Ask her why she is sending Wendy’s, then also ask her to stop sending it to your home, let her know you cook, there is food, she can keep Wendy’s for her home as a treat. Next stand up to the kids’ dad. Tell him it is time for boundaries and set things straight. You have been together 5 years. Nothing will ever change if you don’t stand up to them both about it. If you can’t have boundaries and rules in your own home especially for the kids then I would reconsider the whole situation. If your husband doesn’t have your back and let’s his ex run your home why be with him?
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Stop letting them get the fast food. Stop taking them
Maybe you should talk to her directly. Kids play games, maybe they’re twisting the truth to get Wendy’s. If you ask me, 5 years is a long time to go without meeting the parent of the kids you are trying to be a step parent to.
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Stand your ground! Tell the 11 year old that you don’t want to hear what her mom says she can tell you and your husband needs to support you!
Sorry but you need to stand up and speak up. Why would you take her kids to eat out when you can’t afford to do that for your. You cook, they eat… period. You are letting another woman run your house.
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She is manipulating you, put a stop to it. Why would you let her kids eat special food in front of other kids? You are a adult in charge of YOUR home. Stop the crap cook one meal and all sit down to eat, have all the kids help you clean to show them everything is clean.I have dealt with this in the past just put on your big girl panties, give a pair to your husband and stop it or your life will always be crazy
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Shut that shit down now or you will be dealing with it for the rest of your life
Why have you never met her? That’s just wierd. I would insist on meeting her crazy ass and I would tell your man to grow a pair and put her in her place and tell her to stop using her kids to come at you. What a psycho.
A situation like that isn’t going to get better. She’s going to control you & the way you raise your kids from afar. You need to get out for your own sanity.
Nothing you do will work unless your partner is on board
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Are you suuuuuure this is coming from the mum though??
Kids are very good at playing parents 
Every time my kids go to their dads they always ask me to make them dinner before they go and for when they come back so they don’t have to eat there… I don’t do it but it doesn’t stop them asking they’ll say anything to get their own way but I refuse to play those games🙈
Is your food greasy? Mean people raise mean kids
The ex is running your home and your husband has NO problem with that???
Wow! Not only does HE need to tell his ex what’s what bit also TELL his children. His ex is teaching those kids disrespect and manipulation. This is MENTAL ABUSE. I would tell TO her face you are filing for full custody due to mental child abuse. Your husband is not taking up for you. There is no protection here. At all. Tell him if he doesn’t do this and support it you and yours are gone. He MUST respect you. That mean teaching them to respect you AND HIM. To not tech them this is wrong is also mental a use because they will learn and grow into narcissistic adults who will do this to their children and mates.
You all need therapy as well. I’m so sorry you are going thru this. I’ve been there and done this myself. May God be with you. Pray about it and ask him for strength and courage as well as guidance on this problem. He will listen. Trust me.
He helped me. My steps mom returned after her abandonment and she took them. It was heartbreaking for us both. But he longer they were gone the more his eyes opened to the mental and physical abuse I was going thru with one of the children. He was shocked and appalled at his blindness to the situation. He begged my forgiveness for months. We have been married 30 yrs this month. But those were the hardest 3 of our marriage.
God bless. 
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Just tell the kid, rules and procedures at moms house are for moms house and the rules and procedures for dads house are for dads house. They don’t have to like it but this is how things go at dads.
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She’s salty and no that wouldn’t be allowed in my house. I agree with someone above have the kids call to be picked up for dinner. If she wants to play stupid games, she can win the stupid prize
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Your house, your rules. Who is she to dictate in your home? Also, who knows if they are even telling the truth.
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Dad better grow some… tell the kids the rules here are the rules here.
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Lmao not your kids not your problem. None of them would be stepping a foot in my house and your husband can go right along with them if he doesn’t put a stop to the disrespect. Your house your rules, period. Don’t put yourself through all this stress.
I’m not big on ultimatums but you either tell your husband that he needs to grow a backbone and defend you or you leave. The ex is clearly still hung up on him and in her eyes you’re in the way. He is your husband now and he needs to defend you and protect you at all costs. This shouldn’t be happening. Honestly you deserve better but if he doesn’t change his way soon you might want to consider leaving him. You and your kids deserve so much better. Good luck!
Edit- Some of these comments make me think some of these women are the bitter and spiteful exes.
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I don’t see the problem with their mom giving them money whem they go to their dad’s house. They may not like your cooking ams to force them to eat it is bs. The dad however should take his kids to eat out as opposed to letting them eat in front of your children. I gather these 4 children are not his so you feel some kind of way about the mom giving money.
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I was in a situation like this. For my sake and my son’s, I left. I mean, him cheating didn’t help the situation but my home being run by someone with golden uterus syndrome definitely was not ok with me.
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First problem here is your husband allowing this to go on. He should be standing up for you against his ex wife and he should be making his children respect you. The food thing should not be allowed. It must look like he is favoring his kids to your kids and that’s not ok either. If your husband can’t get his act together, this situation AND your marriage will never work.
You can try to put your foot down first and stand up for yourself against all of them. Say no to the children for the fast food. Tell your husband he needs to respect you more. Question the other mom. Hopefully it will change. Or you can just walk out peacefully now and end this. It’s toxic for you and your kids. I’m sure things like this go on about things other than food.
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Also, we all would be eating out or none of us would.
Then maybe it’s time u meet her. Or I would leave thats not ok
Husband would stay at her house to see his kids and my house my rules and if hubby didn’t like it he could put that ring back on her finger
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I would tell the step kids they have 2 choices for dinner. Eat what you make or nothing you are not a short order cook. They need to respect your rules in your house. If bio mom has issues with you she needs to talk to you or your husband not the kids. In a family all the kids should be treated equally. We have a blended family with 9 kids and that’s the way it is with ours. Also kids will play parents against each other. Our 13 year old constantly does this but you have to be firm and stick to the rules for your house
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Better tell dad to step in because yes, I agree I wouldn’t want that behavior around my kids. Also it’s selfish for the kids to be eating different things. It’s fair if all kids eat the same thing, I’d take the money from them that mom gives them and keep it somewhere for them and when they wanna buy something you can hand them the money you saved up lol that’s my opinion. Maybe you should message her yourself and tell her mother to mother that if she wants to give money to her kids for fast food she better give extra money to them for yours because you can’t go out here and pull money from trees. Doubt she’ll care tho, but dad really needs to put his foot down and stop being a Pansy and stop letting his kids run all over you. If he doesn’t and all this continues you might wanna just leave because he obviously don’t respect you enough to get his kids in check to respect you and also his baby momma.
If you never met her how does she know u don’t clean right or your foods greasy? Sounds like she has a source from the home or she’s bat shit crazy and is just assuming
They are her kids and if she doesn’t want them eating your food they shouldn’t have to. As for the cleaning she can’t help if she really feels that way.
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Well , as someone who is friends with the step mom. She called me and asked for the kids favorite recipes and how I made them so that she could cook for them when the were with her and my ex. But then again we conducted ourselves like adults, always for the greater good of the children. Put any differences aside to provide a united front. Insecurities will ruin children.
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No way I would put up with that crap the father needs to speak up if not I would be gone
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How do you know mom is doing this? Has step child told you her mother said this? You’ve dealt with it for 5 years it isn’t going to change. I don’t think he says anything to his kid because he genuinely doesn’t have an issue with it probably because she goes to two different homes. You need to evaluate your relationship and decide if this is the way you want to live or not.
Why on earth are yall taking them to buy the wendys??? Our rule is “you get what you get and don’t pitch a fit” when it comes to food…if it’s something they genuinely have tried and hate then they have the option of a PBJ sandwich but other than that you eat what’s served for your meals. Your husband and the kids mom need to get on the same page and if she doesn’t stop badmouthing him/you/his home and using the kids as messengers then seek legal advice bc this behavior is considered parental alienation and courts HATE that big time.
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So it’s time to have a one on one with her
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Ask yourself if this is how you want to live your life? Little or no chance of anything changing.
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If it’s true she’s a control freak. When you guys have the kids they eat your food, period.
Time for dad to put this for down. The kids can keep the money mom gave them and either eat what you cook or don’t eat it’s that simple. When the parents are in different homes then there is usually rules at each house. Yes there needs to be some agreement on some of the basics but the kids can and need to learn to abide by the rules of which ever home they are in and bio mom needs to get over herself and understand that she isn’t the only parent involved here.
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What a sad situation. The bio Mom is so unhealthy and jealous of you. She should want the best for her kids. She’s toxic. The Dad needs to step up for the mental health of the kids. Possibly she’s a terrible cook and unloads it on you. Greasy food is not good. But adults should handle the situation. Not involve the kids.
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Your kids eat your food with no problem she is making her kids disrespectful to your family and you husband divorced her so speak up and tell her something if they don’t like it then don’t come over
I’d make a way to meet her. That’s not right she needs confronted and your husband needs to have your back.
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Evidently, your husband’s ex wife got his balls in the divorce settlement. He needs to get them back and man up and let his ex wife know that she needs to stop sending messages through the children, the children aren’t going to get fast food instead of home cooked food and stay in her lane. He needs to sit the 11 year old down and set some rules / boundaries.
This has gone on far too long. If dad won’t handle his business, you need to think if you want to continue to deal with this or not.
Time to man up if your husband wont…tell the kids they will eat what you fix or they will do without…and if their momma don’t like it tell her to send prepared meals for them.when at your house and no trip to fast food…tell your husband to wake up also
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Well theres many things to do you step up so he can step up and if its something hard to manage go to family therapy
Time for him to step up. He’s a wussy with his ex!!! And no adult should say things to the kids to turn them against the other family. Do you actually know all this is being said by their mom? I would call and have a discussion with her myself. Not a nasty one.
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I have a similar situation with my significant others boys and bio mom. She’s gone through great lengths to talk through her children to him and myself. She’s also put wedges between us and the kids with her negative and toxic behavior. Unfortunately, you cant control what goes on outside your home, but you sure can control what goes on in your home! Set your boundaries and standards. It effects your children and that’s not okay! It’ll ruffle some feathers with you doing so, but that’s an issue the bio mom and dad created. Now they must deal with the consequences. We had to do that and yah it was hard, but now everyone knows what’s expected at our home and they’re always welcome as long as they’re held to the same standard all children in this house are held to.
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Your husband needs to man up, speak with his ex and his children with her and shut this down. If he refuses, make a series of appointments for your husband and his older children with a psychiatrist asap. This behavior needs to be documented and stopped.
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The problem lies within your husband. The bio mom can say whatever she wants. It’s up to your husband to not allow her influence within your home. She sends money. so who is going to get them Wendy’s? Your husband is the one who needs to put his foot down and not allow them to eat fast food when you cook. He needs to talk to his daughter about disrespecting you. An 11 yr old has no business coming over telling you what type of mom you are. If your husband is allowing all this happen and won’t do anything to have your back then leave him. Not fair to you to put yo with such disrespect.
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Sounds like your husband is a sissyLaLa and it’s time for him to put his foot down , which he won’t do…
if he’s not gonna stand up for you then nothing is going to change . you’re in for a long , miserable ride. 
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Put the fast food on the fridge and send it back home or cut it in halves to share. She wants you in a position to be the bad guy but I had 4 boys, no step kids or nothing but kept a house of kids. There was never an exception to the “enough to go around” rule. Whether shared or not allowed no one ate something unless everyone did. So put it away and find things fun like “make your own” pizzas. Find a cool way to not fall into the drama because neither set of kids should suffer or be put in that position. She sounds like a narcissistic person. If my kids went somewhere and I wanted them to have something special I bought for every kid there.
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Your husband needs to step up and parent his kids. You need to decide if you can stay if he doesn’t.
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Well then they’ll get pretty hungry, won’t they?
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So basically your husband is not a man because he can’t stand up to this bully of a woman. He’s the children’s father and should first set the children straight, then set his ex straight!! He needs to call his ex and tell her that they will eat whatever is cooked PERIOD!! It’s pathetic that he hasn’t stood up to her yet!! Don’t let anyone control your home life like that!! If he’s too much of a coward and not manly enough to do it, then you should!! I know I would!!
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First off, how can y’all go 5 years and not meet? As a mother who coparents, I immediately contacted my child’s fathers fiancé. We are good friends and communicate amazingly now. I can’t imagine not knowing who was assisting in raising my child.
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If the man want stand up to her, then you make a call to tell here they will eat my cooking or a peanut butter and jelly with milk!
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Find you a man that ain’t scared of his baby mama. That shit is toxic and not needed.
You husband needs to step the hell up and tell the mom that’s not OK. Smfh…
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oh hell no no fast food when there there for a visit they would eat what i cooked or PBJ sandwiches
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To y’all saying if the kids don’t wanna eat the food y’all would give the children pb and j sandwiches or not eat, y’all realize they ain’t your kids right? The dad needs to handle that. And obviously stand up to the mother and let her know she’s being disrespectful
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Your husband needs to grow a set and stop letting baby mumma dictate things in your home.
Just parent your little ones they what you want and let dad parent the brats.
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Time to have a sit down with her and your husband and work out something because it’s only hurting the children.
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They probably don’t like your cooking.
Now I don’t know if your cooking is greasy or not but fast food certainly is greasy unless you’re ordering one of their few salad type of options or maybe if they have wraps with lettuce/ other vegetables meat and cheese. Maybe you can ensure that your meals when the step children are present also include a side salad or vegetables/ fruits for side dishes you can have it look like a healthy balance. I do think your husband needs to talk to your ex about the things he’s hearing from his children in regards to you that the ex told them to say. Maybe find out a few of their favorite cooked meals from before their parents split and prepare some of them so the kids can see that at dad’s house they can still get some of their favorites without resorting to greasy fast food.
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There are definitely issues here that are beyond any of us being able to help. My only suggestion is to maybe let the kids help meal plan and cook. If they are helping and feel like they have a say in some things, they are more likely to eat it regardless of what their mom is telling them. You will likely need to set some guidelines for it such as each meal needs to have a protein and a vegetable with some suggestions on what those categories are. You could maybe do one kid picks the protein, another the vegetable, another picks an additional side. Just get them involved.
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Simply say no you can’t have fast food here. Take the money and give it back to the kids when they leave. Don’t drive them to get fast food. If she has a problem with it let your husband handle the situation. If he doesn’t this might be your chance to meet mother to her face. To the ladies saying your not their mum you dont have a right to tell them your cooking probably sucks. Well.sorry whether it’s my step sons niece or nephew or my kids friend every child that enters my home isn’t treated any different to the kids next to them. If mum has a problem we’ll see you in court lady. Imagine the manipulation and stupidity that’s being taught to her kids. And her kids literally thinking that that behavior is normal and OK.
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When the kids are with their dad its none of her business what happens
Shes feels you are taking her children
Reach out to her and ask her what the kids like recipies etc
Tell them they are eating PBJ he needs to be a man standing up for you if not he can get out can you put up with him doing this for the next 25years?
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What is wrong with your spouse? Tell the kids they eat what they are given or go hungry. I’d refuse to take them to a restaurant. Your husband is being very disrespectful to you. Maybe seek counselling and make it clear to the ex while at your home they follow your rules
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I find it abit strange that you have never met her at all in 5 yrs if they were my kids I would be meeting you as you will be around my children and helping to raise them is there a way you could have a meeting with her and try and reason with her if not i would leave him fuck going through another 10 yes of this bullshit
Unpopular opinion but Maybe adjust your cooking (it’s hard to say for sure without any examples) the whole “my way or the highway” mentality is immature and toxic AF
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It’s an issue to talk over with your husband . And if it keeps up then have separate housing . So when he has visitation it’s all on him . And take your four and go and do what u can afford
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it’s as simple as saying no!
provide them with a healthy dinner no excuses, can’t go buy wendy’s if you don’t take them! and what are they going to do starve ?
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Time to knock on her door n set things straight …
Then they can starve or make their own food 
why would u ever take these kids to Wendy’s and let them eat that in front of your children! Wow…And You’re enabling it! . and ur husband sounds like a 
and needs to grow a set… She doesn’t make the rules in your house and wtf would he be scare of? The mother should be scared of him cuz if he takes what she’s telling her kid to do and say to court SHES the one who gets looked at as the bad mother
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Looks to me like your husband is gonna be cooking for them kids during visits. I wouldn’t cook OR clean until he handled the issue.
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1st. Ummm fast food are not healthy.
2nd. Your husband need to grow some balls and put a stop to this nonsense.
My step kids mom trier to run my house and I put a stop to it. She use the kids to manipulate their dad, tried to tell him what the kids eat and what to do at their dad’s house. And I didn’t last when I came in the picture. And I told the kids, my house my rules. Anything else, leave them outside before you step in my door.
Your husband need to grow up. And how come you never seen her for 5yrs. Your husband is hiding something.
You put your foot Down if he doesn’t. Don’t do anything for him or his kids. Until he learned to value you
As hard as it sound. I say leave for the sake of your kids.
Sounds like Mom is still dealing with the divorce jealousy jealous of you and she’s trying to turn the kids against you at least that’s my opinion
Your house, your rules. Mom doesn’t set the rules in your home. My rules is you can eat what’s for dinner or you can go without. Id bring that issue up to the courts because she’s causing problems for your household
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Your husband needs to step up and be a man. Stand up to the ex it’s crazy he’s scared of her. It’s never gonna change and will get worse the older they get. My ex was kinda the same with his son he did what he wanted when he wanted. I was the bad guy for putting my foot down. I honestly never wanna date a man with kids again. My bf now doesn’t have any.
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I’m sorry but no way in hell is someone’s baby mama telling me MY rules of MY house…
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If you have her phone number call her. Talk to her like the adult that you are and see if you can come to an understanding. Your husband might be afraid of her. You shouldn’t be.
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She’s toxic. Must feel scared/ threatened by you. Live each day with a lot of love for All the kids:heart:They will figure it out and steer away from negative stuff. They don’t need it in their lives. Live well. Be happy good luck step mumma. Ps. Tell the kids to keep the money and eat your food. She is throwing her money away for no good reason. Unless your cooking is really really bad!!! Ask the kids to give you a hand in the kitchen. Include them in the process.