That’s not okay. She sounds controlling. She needs to act right or stay away. There are more polite ways to get your opinion across.
Invite your dad over,just him and have a chat with him about it…Tell him how it is making you feel…
I understand where you are coming from,I have never had a good relationship with my step father and it makes it hard for my mum…I tolerate him for her but I don’t bite my tongue anymore…You also need to just say something to her when she has a go at you…
You need to speak to your dad
Sounds like your need to set some boundaries with the SM.
It’s been 27 years. U have taught her how to treat U and she’s gotten away with it.
Have a discussion with her & your dad about how U feel and try to find some resolution. If U can’t talk to her maybe write her a letter. U don’t have to be around toxic people. I understand trying to make it work for the sake of the family. At the same time U need to feel respected and it’s clear U don’t. Don’t let anyone steal your joy. Life is too short for drama. Blessings to U.
I pray U find a solution that works.
She’s a nasty one isn’t she.! I feel sorry for you.
Sometimes you have to cut out toxic people even if its a parent. If your dad gives af about you then he either needs to start defending you or at the very least spending time with you whether it be at your home or a father daughter day out together away from the bat shit crazy mother. I would refuse to play into her drama or have anything to do with her. She wants to be miserable she can be miserable solo
Oh man. To me this is easy because family to me is who I choose. I choose not to have toxic in my life therefore " look lady number 1 my house I do what I want …where I want if you don’t like it don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split ya! Same goes for anyone that rolling on Suzies side daddy… sister brother or mother.
Number 2 don’t disrespect me in my house sitting in my chair with your stank booty. Daddy go on ahead and drive Suzie home because you ain’t said shit to her either. I’m grown and don’t have time for childish shannagins. I got my own kids to deal with. Lol long but I literally just went through the same shit I feel for you. Stick up for yourself don’t let ANYONE feel like they got some authority over you!
I took the shit for 37 years until my Dad passed. She was a mean one.
Talk to your dad.
Tell him how you feel.
Take him out for a private lunch with a beer or two 
Your HOUSE, your “RULES”. Its your Home anyways. If you keep on shutting your Mouth, nothing will Change in ur stepmom attitude. And most importantly, why dont u talk to ur Father politely? Away from the sight of ur stepmom. Sometimes too much is too toxic.
In your home it’s your rules but in their house it’s theirs. Your dad chose her. It’s hard to see them with others but we should not interfere in their marriage.
People like her need to be put in her place maybe then she will realize how you really feel and have a change of heart towards you. If not her loss. Your dad should know how you feel too. Keeping it in only continues to hurt you and keep a wedge in your family. Good luck!
Always support your dad but hold your ground in your home. As Wendall Bolton said, her attendance is optional. I would also have a heart-to-heart discussion with dad. Your home=your rules. Disrespect to you is unacceptable, esp. in your own home. You do not have to take verbal abuse. Stay strong and stand your ground. 
Keep supporting your Dad and, for his sake, just ignore her. Maybe when she belittles you at your home, remind her that she’s always welcome to not attend, but don’t sink to her level. Family issues are so complicated, most are only healed by time. God Bless you.
Sounds like she needs the antidepressants. Don’t back down, 27 years or not, life to short for that shit. Or ask her flat out in front of your Dad what’s her problem?
Hang in there 27 more. Family is just plain difficult and she is not a doctor and maybe you don’t want to quit. She needs to mind her own business at her house. Period.
Don’t invite her anymore.
Problem solved
No way I’m going to be disrespected in my own house. My family would have checked her for sure.
Next time you have a huge gathering put a whoopie cushion under her seat and embarrass her she won’t come back,mine didnt
Without any confrontation with her, invite your Dad over or out to a park for a picnic and talk to him. Tell him exactly how you feel and how you’ve been really cool so far about being yelled at in your own home but that it’s so rude and hurtful . First ask him to talk to his wife and ask her in his own words to back off and stop yelling at you in your own home. That if that continues that she won’t be invited any more because it’s so hurtful And embarrassing. Maybe she’s just gotten carried away and needs to be checked. Bid nothing results from your Dad talking to her, then honey you’re gonna have to ask her to either be respectful to you in your own home and if she has issue with your smoking , there’s a time and a place for that conversation but never is it time for it when there are guests , and if be that’s her way of entertaining your guests that you’ll have none of it, next it’s your home and if she’s that u comfortable with how you choose to live and smoke, that she doesn’t have to come. If she chooses to however, she needs to watch her p’s and q’s. You don’t want to omot her from parties at your home but will if you have to. Good luck!
Speak to your dad about the issues and state you’d prefer a relationship with him alone in future if she won’t change.
I’ve had this for many years and ended up cutting my dad completely out of our lives after trying for 15 years
You need to speak to your dad alone about this. Do not allow her to be around you when you’re talking to your dad let him know how you feel
When she opens her mouth like that cut her off and say, “well, I guess you must be going. I’ll get your coat/dad/wrap up some leftovers” and show her to the door and close it behind her. Arrange this scenario with your dad beforehand. After a while maybe she’ll stop coming, she & your dad will drive separately and he can stay.
When she harps on your smoking, say, “I’m sorry you are bothered by smoke. Guess you’ll be leaving then,” followed by “I’ll get your coat/see you out/get your purse” or whatever phrase you can come up with. Or, better yet, “Oh, I guess we’ll only be seeing you at your house from now on, then.”
Apparently you are not close enough is he allows his wife to treat you that way. I had a stepmom like this until recently and I had to put her in her place early on because she thought she could treat me any old way and my dad did nothing to stop her so I did. Sometimes whether you like confrontation or not it is necessary.
Just tell her to stop it
I’d have told her to get the hell off my front porch. And to leave if she is that dam worried about it. I have an evil step mom too. I’ve always stood my ground. My life. Not hers. Get on down the road.
Hey if someone is comfortable enough to do that to you then extend them the same
Tell her your house your rules and if she doesn’t like it don’t bother coming
Oh hell no, your house…your rules. If she doesn’t like it, stop inviting her. Invite your dad and she isn’t welcome if she can’t behave like an adult. You can always try talking to your dad but don’t expect him to do or say anything. He’s married so he doesn’t have be alone, its not about love. You can’t get anywhere if that’s the relationship dynamic.
I am all about confrontation when ppl behave like that. Lol I’ve gone off on ppl at friend’s homes BC someone got rude. No excuse for that behavior.
Damn are you scared she’s going to beat you up? Get up in her face and cuss her ass out and tell her to get the fuck out of your house and don’t come back until she knows how to act.
Tell your Dad to get rid of that Bitch! No one’s worth being with, if you have to give up family and your kids. Plus she’s a Bitch!! Ha
Sorry I used the B word. It just reminds me of a marriage my Dad was in. Same situation.
Your dad should have put you first before a second wife when you get remarried and they have kids the kids are first you have to kind of integrate this situation almost actual stepfather my old boy I adopted from my wife because of real biological sperm donor just what he was a jerk well I eventually made John my son I never called him stepson the stepmother needs to be put in her place and if you need to go in and just rip her head off early in front of everybody and let her know how you feel maybe your dad will wake up and realize he’s been thinking wrong because he has been and he shouldn’t be and I doubt that you’re the only one that they’re doing this to keep you in my prayers let her have it Jimbo
Girl step momma woulda got cursed out
Idk i have no good advice i kust cussed mine out
Dont allow her at your home. Keep her away. You dont deserve nor should deal with it.
If she wants to be rude or nasty, dont allow her over. Ever.
If you keep her out you will likely keep your dad out. If she complains about something, tell her you are sorry SHE is unhappy. Make it her issue not yours.
put her a chair 5 feet away
Sounds like your not close enough if he is allowing her to speak to you like that tell her your house your rules don’t like it don’t let the door hit U on the way out
Not to be nosey but how old are you. If 21 or older, sit down with her start by telling her to keep her mouth shut till you have finished telling her how you really feel about her attitude and if it doesn’t change soon we will disown you.
I’d tell her if she can’t respect you in your own home then she is no longer welcome
I’d also be speaking to my dad and asking him why he thinks it’s ok to allow his wife to speak to you like that
I personally would have a talk with your dad let him know how you are feeling and if he can help change it and if that doesn’t work I’d put the hag in her place next time I see her and don’t hold back.
I’m real big on how people talk to me. I’d told her she could STFU and enjoy herself or leave.
My step mother is a bitch and came between me and my dad.( Please don’t allow yours to.)Always rude and never wanted me to come see my dad. Now I live 15 hrs away in another state because I said screw it, there was nothing for me where I was.
Keep her at the door if she comes over. No ma’am we don’t play that game. Also talk to your dad and let him know how you feel
I’m really big on respect. Even if we don’t like each other, you still deserve respect and you WILL talk to me with respect. Everyone knows that I’m nice as can be as long as everyone is respectful and cool. If not, I’m real quick to hop up and tell you the proper way to speak to people. It’s your house, tell her that she can come over and enjoy family time peacefully or she can stay home from now on.
Start doing lunches with your dad. Just your dad. If she tags along leave. He’ll get it then he’ll wonder why. And or he won’t care which sucks but it tells you where he’s at with it.
Bring your father up to date. If she stressing you out this much. Don’t include her. And make it known. You can also be “the bitch”. It’s your house. Stand up for yourself.
I would have suggested that she take the stick out of her butt before I put my cigarette out in her eye.
And yes, I am a joy at parties 
My dad got a divorce because he could no longer stand what she was doing to us kids. It hurt him and us no matter what he did, so he called a quits. If it were me, which I do, just invite yourself in and over… as it is your dad. Dont let her scare you, and stay close with your father.
Tell her she’s not welcome in your home. Maybe not as politely as that though. 
I’m evil but I would say I smoke so I don’t have to smell her 
, seriously take control of your home and tell her to respect you or stay away
First of all, I don’t care who you are, ain’t nobody coming in my home and disrespecting me! My momma taught me well and we don’t take shit from anyone. We had one of my husband’s friends come in and eat a piece of corn over a whole pot of corn and my Momma told him to Get the Eff out of her house!
Stop inviting her over.
Just don’t invite her but realize he may choose his wife. He’s shown you whose number 1 already now it’s up to you to believe him.
And as a previous smoker that smell follows us everywhere we go. It’s in our hair and clothes and on our skin I don’t blame people who don’t want all of that in their car or homes. It’s our choice to smoke and it’s their choice not to.
You’re an adult. You address the issue. Both with her and your dad. Set boundaries and make them clear. If she didn’t respect me, in my own home of all places, she would no longer be welcome. And If my dad allowed it or shrugged it off, he wouldn’t be welcome either, no matter how close we were. It already seems that your dad has chose his wife over his child since he allows that to happen.
Talk to him about how she makes you feel. That’s not fair
I recommend violence and voodoo.
Stay close and just let her be her
She sounds rude and controlling may a bit narcissistic.
Talk with your dad. Let him know you love him. Let him know how you feel about the conflict, and that if he chooses to bring his wife to your home, you will expect her to respect you in your home and refrain from creating a hostile environment. “She’s welcome as long as she behaves”. If not, you still respect him and his choice for a wife, but if she can’t behave properly in your home, she’s not welcome in your home.
What you do in your home is your business, there’s a lot of people who don’t like smoking, but nobody had the right to be rude to someone and be hateful especially in front of people.
About not inviting you to their home, tbh I don’t invite people I know smoke into my house besides my dad. People who smoke carry that smoke and smell with them and it does linger on things like couches etc. I’m not a smoker and never have been and it’s a smell I don’t want in my home. I understand he’s your father, but I wouldn’t excuse the fact you’d smoke while you were there. I have health issues and nobody else has to agree with me but if I don’t smoke, I don’t want someone at my house smoking or coming into my house after smoking. It makes you smell bad and makes the house smell bad. People who don’t smoke or aren’t around it often smell it… it’s hard to mask… I’d talk to your dad. She may have issues they don’t speak about with people. My PTSD made me push a lot of people away so I could focus on healing and focus on getting to a healthier place bc my family didn’t understand and it drained it. Just giving another way to look at things, but the smoking thing, I can 100% understand… I’m sorry if that sounds rude but to not be a smoker and to be around one does not smell good at all.
Stop smoking please … Get help please. You are killing your self , please, please. Please get help. We love you!
That’d be the last time she was invited to my house
I hate when people are blamed for pushing relatives away. No one can do that but the person themselves. Your dad chose to step away from family, no one held a gun to his head and forced him. I hate when blame is put like that thats not fair. Maybe sit down for lunch and talk to her. She probably doesn’t mean any harm. Tell her how is makes you feel when things are said. Communicate. You’re both adults. But don’t blame one person for your dad’s doing. That’s not fair. He chose who he chose and chose the path he chose on his own. He’s a grown man.
Straight up ask her why she’s so rude?
Just laugh at her 
She’s using that moment to belittle you and to make everyone else look down on you, since she is saying it in front of everyone.
I would personally just come back with something mature and embarrass her.
Maybe tell her while she is doing this “why don’t you come discuss it with me like an adult, rather than yell in front of eveyone. mental health is not something to belittle and parade around. What if I am alreadyon anti depressants? Do you think its appropriate to present that information to everyonelike you have just done”
If she wants to argue I’d remind her kindly that you appreciate her coming, however if its your home you don’t really care if she has an issue with it or not. She doesn’t complain how the hand soap in the bathroom smells, or what your plates look like, why should she complain that you smoke outside?
If she says ok well then we won’t be back, then I would use it as an opportunity to thank her again for coming
Have a talk with your father one on one and if that doesn’t work maybe an intervention with some close family, of course without that lady involved. Good luck! 
I would confront her nicely. Tell her that the way she spoke to you in front of guests was inappropriate and made you feel uncomfortable. Ask her nicely to keep those sort of comments private and thank her for having concern for your health but unfortunately you are not ready to quit smoking right now. (I smoke to and I get it) I find that when people behave in a mean way and act selfishly like that the best thing is to be honest about your feelings without hurting anyone else’s. Even if you don’t get the response that you hope for, at the very least, you got it off of your chest and you know you took the high road. I have people like that in my family to. Good luck and act in a way that makes you proud of you.
"I appreciate you coming, but it looks like it’s time for you to leave. I will not be disrespected in my own home. My decisions about my life and how I choose to live it are none of your business. You’d do well to remember that next time you form an opinion on anything pertaining to me or my family. " I wouldn’t give a flying f*ck what she thinks, but I also think you dad should’ve stepped in and told her to knock it off and apologize. She’s not your mother, and what she said was uncalled for and extremely insulting. Sit him down and tell him you don’t want anything to do with her. If she’s going to be that abrasive, she needs to stay home. Explain to him that you’re not gonna hold your tongue to keep the peace anymore, because 1) you shouldn’t have to, and 2) you can’t take it anymore. Mental health isn’t something to joke about. I would also talk to her and tell her the same, and draw a boundary with her. Tell her if she ever acts like that again, she is no longer welcome to your house or any function at it, be it family or otherwise.
Start going to your dads house to pick him up to hang out or take him to your house. Tell him how you feel about her attitude when she’s at your house and how it makes you feel when you go to his house only to do an errand and don’t even get invited in to chat or spend time with him. Sounds like she has your dad by the balls and she took him from his family. She might be abusive to him in some form.
If u and ur dad is that close then u woukd be invited into the home that is his home also
Ur house ur rules. if she doesnt like it she doesnt have 2 be there. Just as if u dont like the fact that shes so rude 2 u when going over their house I wouldnt go. Shes an adult acting like a child. Addiction Is not just as easy as putting it down. U develop a chemical dependency on the cigarettes and obviously she dont understand that. 4 whatever reason u smoke its ur choice and u smoke outside so it doesnt get in the house. However it is on ur clothes and does get on surrounding furniture. If she doesn’t like the way it smells she can bring spray 2 mask the smell or ask u 2 or simply not come over.
Make her. X-Lax cake! … mite as well have some fun! Lol. Eat my shit!
Well I’d tell your dad that you love him and want to spend time with him but you are a grown woman and are not going to be disrespected by one of his life choices (step mom). Tell you dad that y’all can hang with out the Debbie downer (step mom). Yep him you are happy he’s happy with her but she’s speaking rudely to you on a regular basis and you aren’t down for it so you and dad need to hang solo away from step mom.
My question is there an inheritance & is she trying to push you out so she can change the will. She may have already. Not being invited into the house would be a concern that she might be selling off items in the home
If there is any way to put a nany cam in their house i would because if she is like that to you how is she to your dad
After 27 years, it’s quite apparent that she doesn’t want a relationship, so I would just limit everything to be focused on your relationship with your dad. Let HIM work it all out with his wife, but don’t allow her to be a wedge. She certainly has no right playing doctor, or giving you any unwanted “advice”, and should that happen again, I would tell her that. Let HER deal with the consequences of her behavior by being excluded from family gatherings. That puts YOU in control of her effect on you. Doing that will most definitely help your mental health.
I lost a best friend of over 20 yrs for disrespecting me in my own home, upsetting the kids that lived with me and starting a big fight with a friend that took up for me… I would never welcome her into my home again…I smoke and when my ex in laws came over I smoked in my house…if they didn’t like it they were welcome to go out for some fresh air
I used logenzes and quit after 30 years. If you don’t quit your going to have bigger problems than her. But yes mom boyfriend kept on the smell and it started to motivate. I would be bothered that you can’t go in their house.
She needs to be told it’s your house. If she doesn’t like it, then she shouldn’t come but of course your dad won’t either. From experience they will always choose the wife over their child. It’s sad but true. She should have gotten along with his children. Benn there done that. It’s only right. You get together with someone with kids, you need to get along with them or find a man with none
If she had any respect for your dad she would have done her best to be apart of your life. There are people I do not like but I also respect the person they are with and because of that I try. Tell your dad how you feel with respect. He should know it hurts you.
My step mother has made overly aggressive comments towards me: How should I handle it?
Dont show emotion in front of her. Lack of fuel for her.
Unfortunately, everyone allowed her to control the entire situation and as a narcissist, she took the invite to do it.
It’s very difficult to live with and manage a narcissist and being the significant other, your father is a victim as much as everyone else in his family. I’m thinking your dad avoids arguments and the only way he can participate in reducing her control is to avoid friction with her as much as possible. He needs help and support too.
Dont give her the control to practice her toxic behavior at your home. Show your father that he too can stand up to her by following YOUR example.
For her to assume you want to quit smoking is interesting. Did she assume or did you tell her it was hard to quit? If you tell her things like that, it gives her reasons (though invalid) to to have something to say about it.
It’s not easy to avoid conversation, emotion or anger with people like her, but if you dont respond she will realize she is talking to herself. She wants you to hear her (so dont hear her) and she wants to get a reaction from you (dont give her one).
When you visit your dads house, invite yourself in, get yourself a drink and seat yourself. By not doing that, you send her the signal that it’s her house not yours and that isn’t the case. It’s your father’s home too, not just hers and as his daughter, by default, you can do those things in his home without her consent.
You dont need to confront her, ever. Narccisists need reactions to feel worthy and she needs you to react to make her feel better. She is only capable of satisfying her own needs. She is not capable of feeling what you feel or what your dad feels.
Dont look at her, dont talk to her, dont respond to her.
“What should I do? My dad and I are close.”
Take your dad back. You dont need her permission to do that.
Once you engage with her in the confrontation, it becomes a problem between 2 people. When you ignore or reply with something kindhearted(i.e. may I refill your drink?) The problems shows as hers and hers alone. Others see where the problem lies and you are not in it. She will either begin to leave you alone or not do it as often. Worked in my situation, anyway.
Wow some of these comments are ridiculous shes not asking for advice on how to quit smoking nor is she asking advice on how to split them up!!! She is simply asking how you would handle this situation!!!
Unfortunately my dad has done this also with his new white (only 6-7 years) but we never see him or hear from him it even went as far as he stopped sending birthday cards to my children and stopped visiting them where as in the past he set aside 1 day a week to spend with my kids Unfortunately i lost my dad i actually don’t think his wife is a bad person and i think she has been really good for my dad pulled him up on a lot of things and has bettered his life and makes him happy, im happy hes happy but unfortunately we hardly see each other usually fathers and christmas if he isnt working it sucks but there isnt much you can do you really have 2 choices dont smoke when she does come to your house or maybe go out the front instead or tell her to eff off that its your house and if she doesnt like it she can leave (of course the second option will almost definitely impact your relationship with your dad as in might see him a little less )
Tell the bitch to go fuck herself.
Smack her in the mouth next time she comes around
You are to old to be dealing with this. Stop letting them make plans at your house. And I would remind her that she is at your house your rules.
Dont put up with her bs. Explain to your dad how you feel and that you will no longer tolerate her attitude and that you want a relationship with him.
Grown man your home your rules. If she does not respect you or your father to keep her opinions to her self then show her the door Sometimes a loving kind character in a person is a sign of weaknes.
Don’t try with her anymore. You’re just making yourself miserable and she’s not gonna warm up to you. Let your father know how she makes you feel. Hopefully he’s more receptive than my father.
My dad cheated on my mom (his wife) to be with the lady he’s with now and my father and I don’t talk because I remind her of my mom. I hope your situation goes better. Good luck
The next time she complains about you or your habits, look at her and say “say are right, and I don’t want to put you through this again, so why don’t you go home now”. Bye…
I would talk to your father alone about this , and have a talk with your stepmother…if your dad can not listen or hear your side then I would just stop all together on going over and inviting her to your home…no one deserves to feel disrespected or unappreciated in their own home.
I can tell you I know how you feel. My stepmom has known me now for 32 years and still holds a grudge, if that’s what you want to call it. She doesn’t go to any family things on my dad’s side, she says she doesn’t like them and they are stuck up 
she pretty much refuses to talk to myself, my 3 kids and my hubby when we do go to my dad’s house. We get ignored, dirty looks and it makes even my kids feel uncomfortable visiting their grandpa. They haven’t been able to have a real relationship with their grandpa nor have I been able to with my dad. Her own kids with my father (my half siblings) she loves and adores, their significant others and children she will claim as her inlaws and her grandchildren but as for me and mine, she wishes we were dead. She told her dad on the phone one time, while I was there, that she wishes her house would Burn down with the people in it…it was me and my kids that were the only ones there. I hate it, I hate how she makes me feel, I hate how she makes my kids feel and I especially hate how I can’t even have a relationship with my dad. He comes to my kids bday parties, obviously she doesn’t which I’m glad, but it really does suck. I feel she needs to grow up and get over the fact that my dad had kids before her. I can’t really give much advice because I still haven’t figured it out, but I stopped going to his house completely. I won’t go somewhere im made to feel not wanted and I won’t keep putting my kids in that situation either. It sucks cuz I love my dad but if he won’t stand up to her then obviously I don’t matter to him that much.
You need to stand up to her. It’s going to be hard since you’ve let her do it for so long. When she starts in at family events let her know that is not acceptable at your home anymore. If she keeps it up then she needs to leave. If you are at her house and it happens kiss your dad good bye and tell him when she can be respectful you’ll be back. No one needs to live like that.
Talk to your dad and do things with him one on one. Don’t waste time dealing with your step monster.
I don’t put up insulting rid people anymore. If you wanna come to my house, by all means. You brought yourself here, now take yourself back where you came from if you have a problem.
Tell her mind her damn business she is ONLY his wife
This is the person you kill with kindness. She wants to prove to your father that you are the bad one. Keep responses simple truthful and direct. Get a can of febreeze air freshener just for her and/or a small fan she can use while outside to make her comfortable. Here is a simple response: “I appreciate your advice but don’t remember saying I was trying to quit”. Remember this is about you getting to spend time with your dad. Don’t let her ruin it.