Back story first lol, try not to make it too long x Me and my partner have been together five years, I have three kids from previous relationship and one with my partner and my partner also has a child from a previous relationship, his child comes to us every weekend and most of the holidays, and as soon as he steps through the door it’s a war zone he starts on my kids hitting them swearing at them and just being really mean I caught him one day pinning my then two-year-old down and holding a blanket over her face so she couldn’t breath, he punches my oldest in the side of the head constantly, and my other son who is same age just stays away from him, his dad does nothing to punish his behavior, and when we argue about it he just says what can I do he is my son, at the end of the day I feel I have to think about my own children now and not his he doesn’t work, but I have to pay to keep a car on the road to make sure he can get his son every weekend, but if one of my kids ask for a lift it’s “I’m not a fkn taxi” so then that’s more arguing because if I didn’t pay for his car my kids wouldn’t miss out on days out and stuff and I feel bad for them not getting that sort of stuff when his son gets spoiled rotten off his mother and taken on 4/5 holidays a year and we can’t afford one, I probably sound like a spoiled kid myself at the min but I have tried for nearly five years with this kid he is fine when it’s just us, and his dad is out, but as soon as he walks in the door he turns into a nightmare Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Have the dad take the boy and spend one on one time with him outside of everyone else. Its probably a jealousy and attention problem. He ahould be punished as well for hitting and being mean to the other children. Have dad talk with him about it all.
My advice would be to leave his lazy ass! Seriously put your kids and yourself first… You would be able to afford those holidays if you weren’t supporting his ass.
Dad needs to step up and act like a dad.
Lol leave him… WHat aM I SuppOSe tO Do HE is My SoN 
he’s your son do something about it not saying you said that he did! He’s dumb!
You need to leave. His son is abusing your kids and he is letting it happen. You are letting it happen over and over because you keep listening to your partners bullshit excuses. If he doesnt start doing something, you are at a danger of losing your kids to cps if this keeps going on. Really, “my stepson tried to suffocate my 2 year old, what can i do??”
Tell them both next time he hits one of your kids you will call the cops on him for assault. That’s never okay! It’s your job to protect your kids. Sounds like it’s time to do that either by getting the kids in trouble with the law or leaving the situation all together.
You’re being taken advantage of and your kids are in danger. Get them out of there or put him out. You’re enabling him to enable his son to be that way if you do not. I have been through this. Get the baby out now before they remember this horrible behavior. The child needs help. Call CPS and or the police.
He’s is mad that his dad is parenting other kids like he wants him to parent him. So he takes it out on your kids who he feels stole his parent. He wants a relationship and attention from your husband.
The first time that child assulted my kid would have bern the last time he set foot in my house. Get your kids and yourself out of that environment, it sounds like you do it all anyway, time to loose the dead weight.
Your kids are being abused. You need to keep them safe. If cpswas involved they would make you creates plan that keeps that child separate from yours. He needs medical help asap but your kids need to be safe while he’s getting that help.
Sounds like his dad is a tool too. And he is treating you how the dad treats you. Your husband should be talking to his son about his behavior.
You don’t sound spoiled you sound tired of excuses. It’s completely unacceptable for his child to hurt anyone and he needs to teach him. His lack of concern should worry you as they get older and you are right your kids are missing out!! They need a mom who is happy and to be happy and feel loved and equal. If he can’t do that then let go now girl and live the life your dreaming of in your head! It’s up to you to make the first move but I promise if he can’t do anything to fix this you will all continue to suffer if you don’t leave.
I wouldn’t pay on his car till he does something with his child. If he’s letting his kid treat yours like that then he obviously doesn’t care bout your kids. You have to put your foot down. Not just argue. But if that child doesn’t start treating yours right I would not let him come back over. Or not be there while he’s there. That’s ridiculous.depending on how old he is I would call the police and file an assault charge next time he touched one of my children. Especially since the dad does nothing
Nope time to leave that mess. He wont even work but also wont give your children rides in a car you pay for? Nope. Nope. Nope.
Also it’s been 5 years, that’s enough time for the older get to get over the jealous. He has no right to hurt your kids. He has no right to hurt ANYONE.
Sounds to me like the boy is acting out because he wants attention from his dad
I would recommend a counselor for the stepson and father before someone gets hurt. You will be liable for any injuries received at his hands since you are clearly expressing your witness to the abuse of your other children. This isn’t a joke and it will affect everyone in your household long term if you don’t get a handle on it.
If he doesn’t work he sure as heck would not have a car to drive. That kid needs serious counseling. He could have killed your baby. Take your kids and go somewhere safe and let him figure out his psychopath kid on his own
When a child is in my house, they follow my rules. They get disciplined and have consequences for misbehaving. If Dad won’t do anything, discipline his ass too by making him get out. Keep your car.
No offense but get your head out of your ass. Your children are in danger. Do something.
Fight him one good time. Let him know. You not putting anyone life at risk in this house. Have a full on fight and drag his butt.
Dad is the problem. Kids are smart and understand who They can get away with stuff with. … If leave that man and put your kids and you first …
See ya later don’t let the door his your ass on way out.
Legally you are putting your children in danger and they can be taken from you if you continue to do so.
His son is not your responsibility your children are.
Despite that sounds like his dad treats you and your kids like shit, monkey see monkey do.
Your not a door mat and your kids are not punching bags.
You will survive you will move on and your kids will be safer
I’m not sure what the question is here…he doesn’t even have a job?? I’m not sure why you even need advice
I wont tell you what to do but I can tell you that if it’s only happening when dad is around he is attention seeking from dad. Hes jealous that he has a new family and hes not stepping up and acting like a father to his own child. Also if theres no medical reason for him not working I have to wonder to myself wtf his problem really is. My husband could never sit back and watch me bust my ass all the time while he sits around the house
For real … stop making those payments. Take the car . I would if mine pulled that on me , which he tried . I put a fast stop to it, and told him CHANGE THIS OR LEAVE .
It got the point of nearly what you’re talking about . He was starting to swear at my son for asking his daughter not to swing stuff at my sons face . I lost it on him right then and there . To be honest I told him what’s good for the goose is good for the gander . He thought about it and changed it fast . Stand your ground .
Family counseling STAT.
You’re responsible for the safety and environment for your children. You recognize there’s a problem, therefore it can either be fixed or you could be held responsible if something happens.
Sometimes hard choices have to be made if one party isn’t willing to. The dad can step up and discipline his son or you can make the choice to protect your children and leave.
Their safety needs to be your top priority. They are being abused by their brother and that is not ok.
Your so called partner is a leech and his son is obviously mad about his father living with you and your kids. Also , why do you keep allowing your kids to suffer because of him and his son??? They are being assaulted every time the kid is there and losing out on fun times because that asshole is too lazy to work and YOU pay for his car so that he can bring that kid there to terrorize YOUR KIDS?? No way. Get rid of him.
Making excuses for a kid abusing yours. Hmmm beat his lil ass.
Wow!! 
He Needs ToCorrect His Kid, Or Tell Him You Don’t Want Him Here No More. Or It Also Sounds as if he is Just Using You for what You Can Pay for. Get a Better Man after Trying to Talk to him about His Kid!!
Leave. I would never have gotten or stayed married to someone who does not treat my kids as their own…
Definitely if you can video tape it and call the police. That’s not cool. And if this has been going on for 5 years and you aren’t doing anything about it shame on you for letting this happen to your kids this long!!
At this point your sole priority is your children!!! Stop supporting at man child, who is offering you nothing but grief!!! Every day that passes your showing your kids, their worth along with yours. Time to get out and worry about yours only. No one would ever put their hands on my kids and I allow their parent to say, what can I do!! So get your finances in order and RUN!!! You deserve more!!!
If you’re working and he’s not if you’re paying the bills and he’s not what do you need him for I would send him home to his mama and he can take Junior too!
Your stepson is acting out for his dads attention. Probably jealous because your kids get to live with him all the time, but can’t articulate it.
Leave him I would have had his disgusting son arrested a long time ago. How do you see him abuse your kids like this and you don’t call the police. What if he would have killed your daughter. Enough is enough call the cops and put him in jail where he belongs. I would have beat his ass when he first laid a hand on your child the first time.
Your children won’t be able to trust you because you’re letting them be abused you need to put a stop to it right away stop all Financial Obligations to your husband he needs to get out get a job take care of his own situation your first priority should be your children so I would take them away from that situation if your husband wanted to be a part of it tell him it’s time to wake up and step up as a meal and you’re not going to put up with him treating your children that way if you see he does leave
Va- t-en avant qu’il ne tue un de tes enfants et quitte son crétin de père ça presse
His son is craving attention and love from him. That boy needs help. And you need to leave that man. You’d be better off.
He I acting out for attention from his dad. If his dad is ignoring him and not handling it when he does shit like that then I think it’s time to consider your options. Try counseling see if that helps. If not it’s time for that guy to grow up and man up.
I’m just gonna put this out there , how come there was almost the same situation but the mom of the step son was strict was posted on here and y’all are saying some nasty shit about how it’s step mom’s and calling her nasty names for wanting to keep the kids separated and whatnot but this happens and now y’all are okay and telling her to keep the kids separate ? OP I’m sorry you’re going through this but I had to say something.
this does not sound like a good relationship at all. it is abusive and someone is going to get hurt or worse!
Tell him control ur child or we gone
Sounds more like dad is the issue here. Your job as a mother is to make sure they have a safe environment to grow in. Theres no question here, get a place of your own tend to your children . They depend on you to keep them safe and your keeping them in an abusive situation. Step up mom…do better.
If His kid punched mine or any of that other shit and he did nothing hed be out the fucking door. Fuck that. Your kids safety is more important then him. Wouldn’t be having his kid over until he learns to behave
yes tell him to get his child under control or you will…no one would be doing that to my kids NO ONE…
And BTW that y’alls car not only his y’all are married so there’s that!
Like Fathers, like son?
Not the best Role model in my opinion
You dont sound spoiled
You sound fed up, honey it might be time you either kicked this man out or packed up and left, he doesn’t work, hes not providing, you are
He needs to take responsibility of not only himself but his child. The stepson could’ve killed your baby, he needs serious help, I feel bad for the stepson in a way because I think hes got serious rage issues towards his father and he doesn’t know how to properly Express his feelings, but it is no excuse for his behavior
If the kid is fine without the dad around then dads the problem
I’m sorry your going through this mama but somethings gotta give before someone gets really hurt
The min your kids got treated differently by him you should have left!
I know it sounds bad, but I’d leave. No way I’m gonna let my babies get beat on. Especially if he was holding a blanket over her head so she couldn’t breathe. God forbid you wouldnt have caught it when you did. There is no way.
The child and the father need family therapy. And if he won’t do it on his own the state eventually will. Document what’s happening, any case worker would think there is something deeper going on that would make him hit your children. This is not okay. Make sure you are supervising your children when step child is there at all times so you can’t have a case opened against you.
Lady you need to kick his ass to the curb … just like taking out the trash … before he
Kills you or 1 of your kids .
Leave him 🤦 his kid is physically abusive towards yours and he’s taking no action. And he’s an asshole toward you and your children. And he’s a bum who doesn’t work. I mean seriously, just leave. Damn why is this even a question?
I am sorry but I would knock his lil ass out if I caught him doing that to my child. Sounds like u need to loose both of them if he cant control his kid and ur paying for everything
Girl leave his ass. If your paying everything and he’s letting his child abuse yours, it’s only going to get worse as he gets bigger. Your their mother. You are all they have to protect them. Stop thinking about your own personal feelings and protect your children. Leave his non working, non supporting ass and do better by your babies.
Why are you still with this loser? A man protects children and supports his family. It doesn’t sound like he’s doing either.
Boot both of them out your kids come first if he wants to see his son let him do it somewhere else if you are paying for everything why do you need him ?
He’s probably acting out because he wants attention from dad … I’m sorry your going thru this …
Pack up your crap and your kids, and leave. Your allowing your children to be abused, and feel unsafe in their home!! Move on lady!
Helllll to the no if my “husband” treated me like this and didn’t put his kid in his place neither of them would be around me or my kids. That’s scary that kid sounds dangerous.
I’d leave and probably have my kid that’s his age whop him a good one first though 
That is abuse! Either punish him or leave dad! Hes abusing your children! SMH!
It sounds like he’s acting up for attention from his dad if he’s fine when it’s just you guys. I would sit your partner down and seriously talk about this if possible - he shouldn’t be treating your kids differently - they should all be BOTH of your kids. Unfortunately if he can’t understand where you’re coming from, or at least make some kind of effort to make a united stand together with you to address the problems, I’d have to put myself and the other children first and leave.
The child is craving his father’s attention … so in his little mind, he needs to “perform” to stick out from all the other kids. He doesn’t care if his actions are good or bad … he wants his dad to notice him. Sounds like a classic case of you can buy your kids all the toys, vacations, etc. to spoil them but all they really want is your time and full attention. Suggest to your husband they have 1 on 1 time. Go to a park, play catch, play a board game, etc. I’m sure his behavior will change because he isnt competing with the other kids.
Time for your husband to step up and do better!! His kid deserves it.
He’s a loser. Run. Run far away. His kid beats up yours and he doesn’t even care about your kids. If he won’t treat you and your kids like family he doesn’t deserve you.
He needs to discipline his child. That’s not okay. And if he let’s his child act like that towards your children, you need to put them first and walk away. They need to know you’ll protect them no matter what. And your husband shouldn’t treat his child any different then yours just because it’s his child. He married you he took your children on as his own when he married you. His child continues to act like that, because he knows there won’t be any consequences. You need to have a long talk with your husband. And thing of your kids and their safety. Your step son basically tried killing your child from what you explained. Blended families can only work if both parents are on the same page. And all kids are treated the same.
Let me get this straight, he tried to smother your daughter and repeatedly hits your other child in the head. Father refuses to correct or change this behaviour. You on the other hand are just to blame for this. You are allowing this to happen by not taking your kids far far far from this situation. If I were your neighbor and new what was going on I would call CPS in a hot second. If he doesn’t work and doesn’t help why do you put your kids thru this?
Kick him out or remove your other children from that situation. That little monster is abusing your children. Protect them no matter the cost.
Your husband sounds like a real winner 
Sounds like he needs therapy and boundaries. I’d get him in therapy by himself and then also do family therapy. If your husband doesn’t agree then you really need to think about what you want out of this relationship.
Sounds like he is looking for attention from his father he isn’t getting snd acting out bc of it. You need to sit his father down and tell him what is happening and if it doesn’t change then you will go with your kids bc you and they don’t deserve that. The father and kid needs to go to threapy or just tell him to spend some alone quality time with him. Maybe he is still mad about his oarents not being together. I gotta say though if it diesnt stop your kids will end up lashing out at him as well. You can only bully so long before something happens and they knock him on his ass. I personally had to do something along the lines of that with my then step brother. I was sick of him calling me a b**** and messing with me. I punched him in the arm and he bawled bc he didnt expect it. Get the kid some help or leave. Like i said your kids dont deserve that esp if he is trying to smother…
You’re husband is an ass for saying that about taking your kids places. You are parents so YES you absolutely are a “taxi” getting kids to where they need to go is a huge part of parenting for crying out loud!! As far as his kid goes, if he is only acting out when dad is around it is most likely because he wants more attention from dad. Have dad do more father/son things with him and pay more attention to him. See if that helps.
As a step mom, if my SD had hit one of the other kids, she’d have regretted it. Real quick.
You’re nicer than me.
Dad needs to parent. He can feel bad or guilty bc he’s a part time dad, kid can be jealous bc his dad is around his siblings more… That doesn’t excuse that behavior.
Either dad steps up or you have to go.
If any of your kids tell a teacher, DSS will show up.
Keep that in mind.
I would spank his little butt and tell him that crap don’t go in my house. Take control of the situation. Its your house and your rules 🤷
I’m sorry but your husband’s a whole bitch and doesnt care about what his son needs. Not what you need either apparently, so since you’re already basically doing everything on your own. I’d say leave him. Hes just gonna continue the disrespect and get worse as time passes
He’s showing out and screaming for Dads attention period and being an a**hole in the process
Perhaps Dad needs to man up and take control of the situation instead of allowing his home to be in turmoil over a child 💁
I’d tell the dad to put a stop to this child’s behavior or I’ll step in and knock the s–t out the damn kid. It could be coaching from the kid’s mom too. Anyway his dad needs to step in and be a dad to this kid. Both you and dad needs to sit down with this kid and talk to him.
I would give your husband a choice to start discipline his son wile he is there r take him els were and if you fear for your other children take them and leve befor one of them does get hurt. Realy bad
Honestly I don’t know how you let it go on this long… He’s using his guilt over not being there all the time as an excuse not to discipline. You’re teaching your children that behavior is acceptable, and I’m sorry but child or not, if you’re seriously abusing my been… Get f’d. He tried to suffocate your child. You need to tell him he needs to get out and get his shit together before it escalates. If he is not going to raise his son right, he can do it on his own where he’s not putting the other children in danger
You need to sit down tell your husband start discipline him
Whoop that kids ass, fuck ur bf and his son…quit allowing him & his son to do whatever they want …Also take the car that you have and leave his bum ass …Wake up & see it for wht it is…quit making excuses for his punk ass and leave…But to be honest, you won’t leave the situation till ur ready
My kids would come before any man…ENOUGH SAID…MAY GOD KEEP YOUR CHILDREN SAFE…
Leave dad…he doesn’t appreciate you or what he has, doesn’t care about your children and their safety, and is taking advantage! Dad needs to go he is the source of the issues!
Id leave him. Lets see how he does without u around. File for child support. And youll be happy with ur kids. I promise you.
You don’t have a stepson problem, you have a husband problem. Doesn’t work and treats your kids like an inconvenience?! Throw the whole man away and start over.
When he put a blanket over your 2yr olds head so she couldn’t breath that would’ve been the end for me. Your kids r not safe period. It’s your job to protect them. If u don’t and stay there your not doing your job protecting them. Your husband isn’t going to do ANYTHING ever he won’t change. You need someone that is there for not only you but your kids as well.
Get rid of husband if he’s not working to help you then he’s freeloading and using you put your kids first if he doesn’t want to control his son then he will have to take his son else where .get a job .dont let him take the car you’re paying for. It use it for. You and your kids.
Gotta put your kids 1st if he wont protect them i wouldnt have him or his child around them
The blanket over the 2 yr old would have told me what to do, I wouldn’t have had to ask anyone’s opinion…BYE to man and boy.
Sounds like that kid is lacking a connection with his dad, and the kid wants attention. Possibly start a routine when dad gets home where he takes 5 to 10 minutes alone with the son. Giving the boy confirmation he’s important. As far as the battle of equality with your partner and parenting… you’re a family unit. All the kids should be treated equally with clear boundaries and consequences. I also wouldn’t be leaving him alone with the other kids. Resentment is coming quickly. I wish you all the best.
If he doesn’t want to do his share of the relationship then it’s time to move on. Like now! What a mess.
So I can’t tell from your post if you’re married, engaged, or dating. Whichever it is, he’s a free loading, self centered asshat who is too weak to stand up to his own child. I don’t care why the boy is acting out, your children are not safe with him in the home. Neither dad nor son treat you or your kids with respect, and you are the only one who can stop it by dropping him and his son off at a hotel, permanently!
Call me an asshole but if I caught a kid doing that to my daughter and trying to smother her, I’d kick their ass. I don’t care how old you are. I’d also kick him out of the house and he wouldn’t be welcome back, and if his enabling ass father had an issue, I’d kick him to the curb too.
Honestly both father and son sound like they’re the big issues here, and probably won’t change. I’d get out for yourself and especially for your children.
Separation. You’ve already voiced your concerns now you just need to kick him out. I hope your car is registered in your name and not his. If husband realizes how hard his life is without you, maybe he’ll take control of the situation but you don’t have the luxury of waiting. He is a danger to your kids. If he literally smothered your 2yo, he is dangerous and shouldn’t be around your kids period.
Keep in mind that failure to protect and contributing to the delinquency of a minor can get you jailed and your kids removed if they aren’t killed in the process of him acting out.
Sounds like your partner is a jerk. Why are you with him?
Tell him to hit the road with his abusive kid. Hmhe needs to punish him for acting that way.
Either husband steps up or husband steps out sounds like this kid will hurt yours. Also unless husbands their his child cant be.
You need to think about your own children. If he isn’t going to discipline the kid, than I would. If he has a problem with it I would set an ultimatum, and if it wasn’t handled…I would be out of there asap. To hit your child in the head and to smother the other one?? Do you hear yourself?? Your poor kids are going to be traumatized AND physically injured. If he’s not going to step up with his son, than you need to step up for yours and get out of that situation.
Jeez, everyone is so quick to give up. I’d try to get your husband to go to counseling. If he wont, then go yourself and then maybe after a couple months, he’ll be willing to go with you. Clearly the kid is seeking attention from his father. Maybe try reaching out to the mom. She might be willing to get her kid some help. Be the bigger person and get the conversation started and figure this out, bc it’s clearly creating resentment for everyone.
Instead of just ‘leaving’ like everyone suggests how about buckling down and getting to the bottom of the behaviour. Have some hard conversations with your step son. Is he jealous because the other children have his dad 100% of the time, and he doesn’t?
Was he given proper supports during the life changes… His parents splitting, you and his dad getting together, adapting to having 3 siblings he didn’t have before, and then welcoming a 4th.
The child is struggling. Its a parents job to find out why. Its not easy, but marriage and parenting aren’t.
Dad should clearly play a role in this, but not in a disciplinary manner. Obviously his abusive ways with your children needs to stop immediately, however you really do need to connect on an emotional level and see what’s going on with him. I’d take that route, before I’d turn on my heels and leave. You might be the kids best shot at dealing with whatever is up.