Not your child and it’s not yours to take it off of him especially if you didn’t pay for it. And it might be a way for him to communicate with his mother!
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“4. I don’t want him taking pictures of my children” EXCUSE ME?! So their big sibling can’t have any photos of them?
When you marry someone that has a child already, you should love that child just like your own. You obviously don’t love him like your own and I’m sure he’s well aware.
You sound like Lady Tremaine and i hope you enjoy the radio silence you’ll get from him when he can finally leave your house 
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My god. I feel sorry for the kid. You sound hateful
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His mother and father need to make the decision together regarding their son.
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Cringe. Shame on you.
- You’re not his mother and you sound like a petty woman.
- You’re not paying the bill.
- Get over yourself. What exactly is your problem because it’s not the phone?!
Divorce is in your near future.
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You sound terrible. Because you’re worried about her seeing what your home looks like? So freaking what. If you even half way decently coparented you’d have her over for dinner, gatherings, birthdays, etc. And the fact your stepson isn’t even allowed to take pictures of himself with HIS siblings? That’s disgusting for real. Let him make those memories with his siblings. You’re being ridiculous. You bought him a phone, but his MOTHER can’t buy him one? And clearly his bookbag is locked at your house because of YOU. Your house your rules is okay for some things. But not those ridiculous rules. You literally sound like a bitter stepmom who doesn’t want the stepson around or in the way or your precious family. You’re gonna be the type to push him away and not even feel bad. I’d hate to have you as a stepmom.
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This whole thing is just weird af and super Dysfunctional. I mean there honestly seems to be a lot going on between y’all and I think a phone is the last thing to be worried abt.but hey if it makes u feel like ur in control of the situation because u can control the phone aspect okay. And kids aren’t property idgaf someone better never tell me I’m at my sons school on their time . I would eat shred that persons to pieces. I co parent with my 3 kids and their father would never tell me I’m at my kids school on “his time” and I would never do that to him .
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While I understand it’s your house your rules. You can’t really tell his mother that she can’t get him an IPhone, while yes you can ask it not come to your home you can’t deny him access to something his mom gave him to use.
I would try to work on why it bothers you so much. I know you said that you guys no longer get along but the kids need to stay out of it.
I would hope my sons future step parent wouldn’t mandate that he can’t have his phone in his fathers home.
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Sounds a bit childish and petty to me ??? If his mother decides that he should have a phone??? You are being a bit childish to say that he can’t have it or use it in your home 
How old are you??? Are you that intimidated by her??
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And if he is with yall so much why does your husband go weeks without talking or seeing him 
if your husband isn’t home then the kid should be with his mom.
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This all sounds weird af…your a control freak 
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You lost me at “my stepsons mother got him a phone I do not want him to have”.
I’m not reading the rest.
That’s not your kid. Mom wants him to have a phone, she wins.
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Someone has some control issues
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My advice…you are the STEP mom. Let dad handle it. This is not your battle. Do not get involved but tell your husband that he needs to handle it.
Are you jealous she got him a nice phone or upset that it’s a window into his life with you and his dad?
It’s between his MOTHER AND FATHER.
If his father decides he doesn’t want it as a distraction he can ask it be put away til he’s back with his mom. My son has a phone so we can talk and video chat when I’m at work on lunch or if he just needs to get ahold of me himself. His dad doesn’t care and his stepmother could careless.
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His mother . Repeat. His mother. Know your place and have his father and mother discuss and decide.
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If this is just about the phone and not you just wanting to ‘get back at Mom’
When he comes in your house, the phone goes in a certain spot(kitchen counter) and stays there until he leaves or give him ‘time’ he can use it. . Easy as that. Your house your rules.
If you and his dad are in agreement that you don’t want a smartphone / camera phone in your home then so be it. If he continues to bring it, All you have to do is put it in a faraday case. No signal will get through it. Simple as that.
the fact that you’re making the kid feel he has to be deceitful about having the phone in the 1 st place is a bit concerning & mom showing up to the school to see him on days he’s with dad … you and mom are stressing this poor kid out …. 8 years and this is still going on???
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I very much doubt he has a phone just to spy on you. I would let him have the phone but as you said let her know you don’t want to be held accountable if it goes missing/ broken. Feeling his bag is just as bad as looking in it tbh i find that weird. Also i see no issue with her turning up to see her child at school. I miss my kids and they only go to their dad 2-3 days at a time . If shes just seeing him for a hug and kiss before you take him how is that causing a problem?
Poor kid 
stuck in the middle of adults acting like children.
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You sound controlling and hateful.
All of this sounds like you’re bitter towards the mother and punishing the child.
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Wow a mom that wants to be in contact with her kids and know where there are and that’s an issue for u seriously u must not have kids of ur own! Obviously ur doing stuff in that house that u know u shouldn’t b or it wouldn’t be an issue!
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And you’re the step mom… key word step… leave it to the actual parents and court… both parents have to figure it out.
You said stepson? Who are you to tell his momma she can’t get HER son a phone? She shouldn’t have to go through YOU to reach her son. You’re giving off weird vibes.
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Lady!!! She’s his MOTHER!! 
It’s his phone…and the person who risked her life and went through the pain to birth him allows him to have it. You nor the father should have any say unless he is doing something wrong, like sending pics to adults, trying to buy drugs, or bullying. (Or if he’s not sleeping because of staying up many hours passed his usual bedtime on it)
Lady you done lost your godt dang mind!!
Leave that woman child alone tf?!
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This is one of the dumbest thing I have EVER seen in this group . This is an 11 year old we are talking about - let tf up !. And stop CREATING issues smh .
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Who are you? The step parent/mom? Or his Mom?
Control freak let the kids have his phone
Check everything on him as soon as you get him 
Your house, your rules. If she wants him to have a phone, it can be on her time. You have plenty of reasons on why not, not that you need them though.
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She’s his mother. And you’re the STEPparent. Let his parents decide this, not you.
You’re making a huge deal out of nothing! She’s his mother she can do whatever she wants for him. Why did you marry someone with kids if you’re this paranoid. The world does not revolve around you and his phone absolutely has nothing to do with you! Its between his mom and dad and what they decide for him. Chill tf out! Seek counseling for yourself.
This whole post is weird… you sound bitter bio mom got him an iPhone instead of a cheap flip phone… why wouldn’t you want your step child to take pictures of their siblings? Why isn’t it ok for bio mom to know the environment which her child is in? Sounds like a few things are being hidden besides the new edition.
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If hubs is on board with no phone at house have him take the phone
I guess im a diffent mom.
Tell her on your days she needs to not encroch on ur time. She needs not snoop on ur property its tresspassing tell her its not the childs job to spy for her tell her to woman up and ask her questions. Ask her politely to keep the phone at home on ur time or take it turn it off until he returns to his mom its ur house and you have the right to be comfy in ur own home.
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As a bio mom and step mom, it sounds like you, dad, and bio mom should sit down together and discuss the concerns. Be polite but also make sure she knows that it is yours and your husband’s house, so it’s y’all’s rules when the child is there. Maybe discuss turning the tracking off while he’s at your house and discuss with him about the pictures and other stuff…let him know that you’re not going to invade his privacy but tell him the things that make you don’t want him doing.
The best outcome will come from all 3 parents sitting down and discussing the concerns and coming to a solution though.
I take my sons phone when he gets home. I allow him to have it on leisure time. He’s 10. He got it for same reasons of when he leaves the house we don’t want to be guessing while he’s with friends where he’s at or when he will be home. I get your concerns about her being snoopy but the iPhone is the best for tracking your child if something does happen. You can and are allowed to set boundaries in your home for your child. I do not understand the not wanting him to take pics of his siblings as those are memories but I do understand not wanting him to take pics of the house for the soul purpose of her being snoopy. I say just sit your child down and write up a compromise with the phone. But basic phones unless you download the 360 app are not really helping you. Cops can use the iPhone tracker if something happens or the 360 fails.
Sit him down and both of you come up with whats allowed in your home. I learned in parenting class and it’s done well for me having the child be apart of the decision making. They are more likely to follow rules they helped make and agreed to vs being told
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I understand it’s your home and your safe place. But what are you going to do when his a teenager and has a phone ? Which I mean, his not very far off that stage.
Voice your opinion to his father, and let him make the final decision with his mother, because it isn’t just your home, that’s your Step son’s home aswell, that is also his safe place.
I couldn’t imagine buying my son a phone, if he wanted it to contact me while at his dad’s house and his step mum saying no phones allowed.
Like are you serious? In this day and age… if you want to implement the rule of no phones, I think you should atleast take your own advice and not have phones or technology out while he is at your house. What a way to single him out, you are making your issues his issues and he is only 11 years old.
And also, if he wants to take photos of his sisters and him playing and things they are doing together on the weekend, he should be allowed to. They are his family, he is taking photos of memories. And if he takes photos of the house, again, it’s not just your house, that is your Step child’s second home and he should feel comfortable to be able to do that. How sad, I wouldn’t be surprised if in a couple of years he refuses to come to that house, his second home, I’m currently going through this with my son refusing to go to his fathers, for far far less reasons then this.
What does your husband say?
I agree with you 100%…I would not want pics or videos of my home or life taken and sent to his bio Mom either…people are saying it’s so suspicious but I disagree…I had CPS called on me once because my husband fed our 4 year old pop tarts and Mt dew for “breakfast” (she ate breakfast at pre K) and when CPS came they of course just told me the complaint and left because it was BS…people call CPS for anything!!!
You’re not his mom. She is. And she’s always going to be. I don’t care WHAT the status of my marriage is - I’m going to see my babies every single day. Sounds like she loves to see her baby boy as much as she can. Even for a few minutes at school.
Back the F up if you don’t love that for him.
I think he should be able to have a phone with him but if you really don’t want it then I’d have him give it to you at the beginning of the visit. Keep it on the kitchen counter and he can check it occasionally if his mom calls or something he can call her back. Otherwise it can stay there and he takes it when he goes back to his moms.
First of all, you did not pay for the phone so you literally don’t have a say if he can have it or not. You can have your rules at your house like certain time limit on it or no phone after a certain time, not at dinner table etc. I do not see any issue with a 11 year old with a phone. People need to understand it is the year 2024 and technology is huge. Everything now is done by tablets & phones, people even work on them. No issue his mom got it for him not you. And saying you don’t want him taking pictures of YOUR children, whether you like it or not that is his SIBLINGS. If she’s snooping around your home tell your husband about your concerns and let him deal with her about it. You need to step back and let him do it. Since you went that route that is HIS and HER child, not yours. It looks to me you might be jealous that he has a iPhone. He’s of age and his mom said it’s ok, period. My kids have tablets and have learned ALOT from it, more then I can teach, I sometimes don’t have the time so that helped. My 8 year old has her own phone, it’s just the days today. You sound like you just don’t like your stepchild, stop being so into it and let it be. Just be happy and nice and include him he is your kids sibling and part of your family. Unbelievable. Have your husband deal with her it’s not your place
Youre the step parent and it’s none of your business. Get over yourself
So your husband doesn’t talk or see his kid for weeks!! That is horrible. When my kids were with their dad I talked them every day. Same with their dad.
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Suck it up poptart. Her son. Period. Get over yourself, you are cringe worthy at best and should be embarrassed creating such an extravagant scenario to vent your insecurities. 
I’ll pray for you.
The moment you say stepmom people get hateful. Do what works in your household…doesn’t matter what she does, kids learn there’s different expectations different places which is fine, not a big deal
Eventually he’s gonna be older and have a phone anyways. You’re making an issue out of something you really have no say over. She is allowed to give her own son a phone, just like if dad wanted to he could as well. Set rules for the phone in your Home if pictures, etc are really a problem. But shes allowed to know where her son is… seems like you have a bigger issue than a cell phone.
Let the kid have the phone, what would you do if something came up at school, like if your child’s school was under lockdown and your waiting for him to come home and the bus hasn’t come yet how would you handle it, there are too many issues today going on, my son has a phone for emergencies only
It’s a phone! Get over yourself!
I couldn’t finish reading all of it but what I read sounds like you are more worried about him taking pics of your house or sharing your privacy not about him having the phone.
You sound like a petty jealous teenager. 
Too many people in these comments either didn’t read the entire post, or are lacking comprehension skills.
Your house, your rules. If bio mom isnt respecting boundaries then I don’t blame you for these concerns.
She seems to be a little other the top but at the end of the end it is her house, her rules. If I don’t want something in my home, regardless of the mom wanting them to, it won’t be in my home. Doesn’t matter what the particular item is. If it makes me uncomfortable in my home, then absolutely not. Bio mom doesn’t get a free pass into my home, if it makes me or anyone else living there uncomfortable. Again, it doesn’t matter if it’s a phone or another object. Bio mom and step dad will not and never will have the ability to make rules in my house with my partner, as bio dad and I will never have any say in her house.
As a step mom and I don’t care if the kiddos have their phone when they are at our home. I’d only have a problem with it if they were on it 24/7 and refused to do anything off of it. If anything it gives me a break from entertaining them for a bit. I also feel bad for this woman, I can’t say for sure but it seems like there is a lot of drama going on. There’s been a lot of drama in our blended family too and sometimes bio moms and step moms just don’t get along. It’s a shitty situation, but it makes bio moms be insanely petty. It could all be a way to squeeze into bio dads life etc. It’s up to the bio dad to set boundaries with bio mom in order for everyone to be comfortable.
Divorce and remarriage is difficult .
The parents need to all get off this rollercoaster. My time your time omg.
Support the child. Raise the child. The adults( I use this loosely because please grow up) all need co-parenting therapy.
*Child has a sporting event you all show up and support the child.
- Child has 2 homes forgets homework at one drop it off. Don’t make a big deal.
- Child has a phone fantastic you all can keep open communication he calls dad says goodnight when he’s at moms. He’s at Dads calls mom to say I miss you. Wonderful.
Someday he’s going to be grown and mom or dad will be older or passed a way and what will he think back on. " I was always able to talk to mom/dad whenever I needed them." Because sometimes you need mom for something specific and other times you need dad. Sometimes you need both.
How awesome it is that he has a bonus parent in you and hopefully someday when he’s older he’ll say " gee I’m so lucky my bonus mom was so supportive of me and my parents to maintain the positive bond between us and not cause division in a difficult and different situation. "
Or the otherside of this coin is " my stepmom made it really hard for me to maintain a relationship with my mom while I was with my dad so now I resent her and my dad and I want nothing to do with either of them" so good job you just divided a son with his father…
Please find a way to positively co-parent. It’s difficult but worth the effort.
Sounds absolutely fair. He has a phone he can use at your place. And one he can use at her place. He doesn’t need 2. I’d be asking my husband to take the iPhone when he arrives and give it back when he leaves. Especially if the woman is already displaying stalker behaviour. He has a phone provided to him by his father on his father’s time. It’s perfectly fair. Personally I don’t like my kids taking their devices away from the home, so I’d be more than happy with that agreement. My child probably wouldn’t, and actually isnt at all impressed when i tell her to leave her devices at home, but too bad.
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Clearly y’all have never dealt with a crazy ex who was overbearing, snooping, stalking, psycho and starting fights just to record and try to take away the other persons rights as a parent. Where that one stalking parent conveniently shows up to every night out with the kids, grocery store, movie theater, friends house, and restaurant just to watch us 
Yes the husband should be stepping up and maybe he’s tried. There’s alot of story we aren’t getting from this small clip. It’s been 8 years though. If that baby momma is still acting crazy this long into the step moms relationship there are a lot of issues and it doesn’t look like they will ever be resolved.
I’d say the phone goes off from the time the kid walks into your house until he leaves (so the stalking mom can’t see where you are at and show up at these places because I’m quite sure that’s her life sitting there watching your every movements). Or the phone stays at the house if they leave or go away. If he needs To call his mom he can use dad’s cell phone on a night out.
About him taking pictures of the kids. Let him. But dad could be making sure the photos are appropriate and not showing anything the real mom can use as ‘evidence’ before he goes back to mom.
That’s my two cents.
Are u an adult?
He already had a phone she got him a better one be bloody grateful sheesh.
You sound like an utter control freak? Do you treat him different to the other kids too?
You don’t want him taking pictures of your children? Children that are either his half siblings or step siblings? Children he is supposed to love and be family to? Really?!?! Idk about you but I take pictures of people I care about so why should this 11 year old be any different?!
And “when we were trying to coparent and get along, she came over to our house many times”……yeah! Coparenting is sharing the parenting duties which would involve seeing each other, communicating, with one another and getting along. So it would seem quite reasonable for her to come over. My ex and I coparented, which meant we texted, would go over to each others house, and talk by phone to discuss things.
You are the step parent which means this child is not of your blood but you chose his father which means you should love and treat this child as your own! Truly does not seem that is the case and I feel sorry for him! Especially the fact that you obviously have a problem with his mother and that is carrying through to him.
The phone was a gift from his mother and he should be allowed to have it wherever he lives. I would be very upset if I bought my child a gift and their step parent (that obviously demonstrates issues with me) tried to dictate when he could and couldn’t have or use my gift. Perhaps she has reasons to worry that you are mistreating him considering your obvious dislike of her.
Choose your arguments wisely. This one isn’t worth it.
Pick your battles. If this is the worst thing you have to put up with, count your blessings. And like someone else said, he’s not your kid. If mom is paying for it and not asking for money for it, then I don’t see the problem.
You’re the step parent. The mom can show up at her kid’s school WHENEVER she wants be it’s HER kid. And she can give him a phone. If the dad has an issue, he can take it up with the mom. But you’re the step parent. Stay in your lane.
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I’m sorry I could not get past that your step sons mother wants him to have a phone … period…he gets his phone at your house. Period. That’s his mom. Step on step mom…
As a step mom you have absolutely no say if the MOTHER wants her child to have a phone. The father can handle it if it’s an issue and you can mind your own business. As a mom, if the STEP-MOTHER had a problem with my kid bringing their phone over, it would raise major red flags. The child needs to be able to communicate with his mother in the way she deems fit, not the way you deem fit. You don’t get to make any sort of conditions or rules and the fact that you think you can make the rules for somebody else’s kid is probably where your issues with the mom stem from.
Ok reading your post made me confused WTH… you sound very psycho… it’s ok for you and you husband to get him a phone, but not ok for his mom to get him one. What it all comes down to is you don’t like the fact that she got him a better phone. What does it matter if he has the phone or not. Your excuse you not going to monitor his phone uses or help take care of the phone. REALLY…lady it stepparents like you that get me upset. What a small issue but you have made it a issue. You just said you’ll got him a phone for the summer. What does it matter if it’s a iPhone or not. You can get in touch with him and track him. I don’t get it just sounds like you don’t like the mom so you going to do everything in your power stop anything she does for him. It looks like your the one that need to grown up a little. I hope you have rules in your house. This will have to be a rule in the house that he does not use it in less he goes outside with his sister. That is what the phone was going to be use for right no matter if it’s a simple phone or an iPhone. If something happens to him or his sister Lord I hope not. You will be glad he has the iPhone. Your post sound so pity…all I could say was WOW
Just turn it off put it away till mom comes problem solved
You need to grow up if she has been to your house so many times why would she want her son to take pics it’s a phone .
It’s always the kids stuck in the middle 
You aren’t the parent…it’s seems you have a control issue to be honest. You may be a step parent, but you literally have no actual say on how the child is raised, what he’s given, ect. What’s the difference between the phone you gave him and the one his MOM gave him? Did you ask if you could buy him a phone? Probably not. You’re a parental figure in his life, but you aren’t his maternal parent. He has 2 of those in his life. If his mom wants to buy him a phone, it’s her right. That child is going to grow to resent you and I honestly wouldn’t blame him
I feel like you should just let it go as long as the mother understands that we’re you guys don’t have access to the phone you guys can not be responsible for what if he misuses the phone a way that might get him in any kind of trouble. If the main issue is the mom finding out where you guys are going maybe he can just bring phone over and when you guys are going out somewhere he can leave the phone at home and you can use the excuse of is best for the phone to stay at home so it doesn’t get misplaced or lost… ALSO IS THIS AN ISSUE THAT IT OBLY BOTHERS YOU??? Are also your husband has an issue with it? If is just you maybe the one that is having some kind of issues will be you and maybe you are worried about the wrong things
From the sounds of what I have read, the mom sounds like the primary parent if your husband goes days/weeks without even speaking to or seeing the child. Yes it is your home your rules but it’s not that simple in these kinds of cases (not the ones I’ve know about atleast). I think yall and mom needs to go to the judge to clear up what is and isn’t going to flow because yall adults are snatching this kid back and forth between yalls rules. I pray the kid gets the love and care he needs instead of parents/Step parents at each others throat over a phone. I can only imagine the issues that yall will have with the other parent as the kid gets older.
He is 11, kids thay age have phones, iPhone, android not just cheap phones for you to contact the child will have school friends he wants to contact etc, I think your being a bit controlling imo.
My biggest concern is that he can’t take pictures of his siblings?? Wtf?!
If this continues, this child will stop spending time at your house once he is a teenager. I have stepchildren and would never have treated them like that.
Their mother and I did not always get along but we found a way to be around each other and be kind out of our love for the kids.
She is the full time parent, you need to respect that. Let the kid have his phone. It won’t kill you to have a conversation about the dangers online and inappropriate viewing. You can also check the phone sporadically if you are concerned the rules aren’t being followed. Sorry, but from one step parent to another-you need to do better.
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I paid $900 for an iPhone for my step daughter haven’t t seen it since can not contact them was a waste of money 
Many parents deal with this by placing the phone in a bin or something and putting it in a safe but open place, ex top of the fridge, so there is access but only in that room. Judges these days commonly order that you can’t take the phone completely, just have access restrictions. Usually they will order the child can contact the parent when they want but limit the the time the parent can contact the child so they aren’t interrupting parenting time.
So because your husband goes weeks without seeing the kid, she shouldn’t have communication with her child? There’s more going on with the family dynamics than just a phone…
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Imagine being told your not allowed to take pictures or videos in or of a house where your dad and little sister are! Not just that but a house that you spend half of your time living at… that is so unfair for this child!
Mum can’t show up to places you are at if 1. He doesn’t take the phone with him on outings or 2. You turn his location off and get dad to tell mum exactly why it was off at that time!
Set boundaries, not completely confiscate or ban the thing, he’s 11 they have friends they want to keep in touch with especially on a weekend don’t be such an over bearing step parent because let me tell you now it WILL NOT be mum that takes him away and stops him from coming it will be him because why the heck would he want to be in a house with a woman like that when he could just stay where he feels welcome and free to be his age
The issues you have with his mum are just that, with his mum not him! He shouldn’t be in the middle of any of it
Sounds to me you got insecurities…ya wouldn’t be touching the phone l had bought . Clearly Sounds like you might be hiding something or having issues with the child’s rights to have a phone…cause l tell ya no matter where my child is l will be able to contact an they can do the same…sure the father really doesn’t have a problem with his son having a phone he’s just trying to pacifie you.so don’t have to hear ya.my opinion not yours but you asked so you got it perioddd
You are being petty and also seems a little bit jealous… if you dont have anything to hide in your home and everything is safe for this child to be there i dont see an issue… you can rules regarding screen time but why in the world is he not allowed to take pictures inside your home? Isnt it his second home too? Your home and family is also a part of his life and now he is not allowed to take pics of it, to have memories of it… no you are being petty and one of those mean stepmoms really
I can’t even read all of this nonsense. Grow up and let the kid have the phone. Smh what is really going on in your household. You sound like a resentful step parent. And it’s gonna cause so many issues. Ppl like you are why there are so many absent fathers. Due to the drama with the mother
Why doesn’t your step son give his mom the number of the mobile phone u gt him 2 call him on when hes at yours?? That way he can leave the phone his mom gt him at hers not that he should have 2 mind. Why does an 11yr old need 2 phones anyway???
This boy is 11, going to be a teen real soon, kids have phones these days. I’d just lay down your house rules on cell phone use. he’s at the age now where his cell phone use is just going to increase. I’m sure all his friends have some sort of device to talk to each other on, let alone family members. Instead of resisting it I’d welcome it. At the end of the day it his phone his property. Get life 360 account for your family. So while he is with you - you can see where he’s riding bike or if he leaves the house. His mom is using it to protect him, do the same. You all should be allowed to protect him no matter where he is at. When the time comes i would add him on all the social media accounts he has. Friend him, communicate with him, bond him. It’s his phone, he should be able to connect with family on his phone. My son feels like he has to lie to me about what happens or doesn’t happen at his dad’s house and that tears me apart. A kid should feel welcome to share what’s going on in their life without fear of their parents fighting about it. First and foremost let the boy know you’re there for him no matter what, and if you do have concerns about his well being don’t bring that up to the kid, they are kids they don’t have a grasp on the drama of divorce or co parenting and it’s definitely too much for them carry. Unfortunately the child is going through this situation because mom and dad don’t get along and he didn’t chose or want it to be this way. You can’t change it but you may be able to make things a little less stressful by being open to change. And who cares if she snoops, let her. If she is trespassing I’d call the cops. If you have nothing to hide then show her, it’ll probably make her mad but back off.
Sooo essentially he cant have pictures of his siblings…or his 2nd home bcuz you…an adult are uncomfortable? 
Girl…get over yourself and please do it quickly. This is not about your wants. Have you considered for a moment how uncomfortable he must be to be around you at the moment? I feel for this child.
Hey Mrs. Not The Mama, hi, please get some help… like therapeutic help. Your behavior and expressed feelings about something as simple as a cellphone is very red flaggy. Mom and dad should be able to get ahold of they preteen/teen son whenever, and not have to go through you to do so. There are parental controls that can be placed on the iphone. It’s seems like this child’s mother and father are doing an at least ok attempt at co parenting THEIR child and that you have BIG control issues, because if you aren’t deciding every single detail even the ones pertaining to a child you didn’t even birth and to boot, he already has an involved mother, you get bothered and upset. That’s what your post is giving off. The our time, his time, her time crap is insane, she went to go see her son at school. Le gasp The audacity of being an involved parent 
. Alot of other people that have to deal with coparenting and blended family dynamics would love to have that from the other half of the party. People like you would make it seem like shes a dead beat, the second she stopped showing up. That’s probably what you are going for to have her do right? Is there some other insecurities that this is all stemming from? This idea that you have that your husband’s son is feeding information to his mom about your home is a very paranoid feature in this as well, first of all what do you have to hide? So is he not allowed to speak about his siblings when he goes home with his mom? Second of all where is your proof? Her showing up at your house is not proof, even if she came uninvited. Id bet half a check that dad would let her show up to see her son and vice versa, whenever, if you weren’t in the picture. Finally, the way you worded this post makes it seem like you are pretending to, but really don’t count this kid as one of your own and are projecting this and your feelings about mom, onto him, by way of “enforced rules” “my house my rules” and you’re more bothered by the idea of the fact that you can’t control everything that has to do with your husband. There are multiple facets to this story from other points of views that play a huge part in this, The Mama, The Dada, and The Son. Without that, your post can’t be taken seriously about your CRAZY AND BITTER claims and accusations.
The childs mom gave them a phone. Has nothing to do with you. By 11,most kids have cell phones. I feel bad for this kid that your acting like this,very strange.
Like wtf are you doing that the kid can’t take photos? Sorry but as someone who grew up with a stepmom and also a stepdad you’re most definitely wrong. Neither of my step parents ever acted so petty. That poor boy probably feels so uncomfortable over there. I’m guessing you’re why he has one and the safety concern must be real for his mom. Poor kid. Grow up dude. If you can’t see him as you’re own you need to move on you’re not the one 
Weird that your mad at the mom for being a mother and making a decision over her child. 
This seems like a “you” problem. You’re ok with the “cheap phone” you got him but are losing your mind because his mom got him an iPhone.
You seem to jump around a lot with your “issues”… starting with his mom showing up “at the school on our time and sees him Friday, Monday and Tuesday”. First, “your time” is Friday after school until Tuesday morning so the only school day of “your time” is Monday. Second, does she stop being a mom because it’s not “her day”? His mom going to the school ANY DAY is not YOUR problem. It doesn’t take away from “your time” as the kid is IN SCHOOL!
Your issues about your stepson having a phone his mom got him - 1) “I’m not responsible for the phone”. This is the ONLY point I MIGHT agree with. I wouldn’t want to be held responsible if he breaks or loses it. But that’s easy enough to deal with by simply putting in writing and asking her to sign something that says that her son is responsible for taking care that he doesn’t break or lose the phone and that acknowledges she won’t hold you financially responsible if HE breaks or loses the phone while in your care.
2) “We have no privileges to the phone as it is not ours”… you are correct, you don’t have privileges to the phone and that’s fair. Why should you? “I’m not going to be responsible for what he does on it”. Are you “responsible for what he does” on the cheap phone you got him? Because that’s part of parenting, regardless of who purchases the phone.
3) “She is constantly tracking the phone and knowing her she will show up if she sees us somewhere”. At 11 years old, tracking her son’s location is a safety measure. Why can’t she have access to his location? SHE IS HIS MOTHER. And unless she’s known for showing up places and interfering with visitation, this just feels like a huge stretch. If she DID start to interfere with visitation, you deal with it then but it’s NOT a reason to not let him have his phone while he’s visiting with you.
4) “I don’t want him taking pictures of my children and my home”. Is he close with your children? Are they his siblings? If the kids are close and he’s taking a few pictures with siblings he loves, why is that a problem? Are your kids in witness protection? Is his mom a child predator? Isn’t “your home” also HIS home? So you’re building an addition? Why would his mother care? What are you trying to hide? Is this 11 year old child some super spy collecting data for your husband’s former spouse? What makes you think that she’s “sending her 11 year old child to take pictures”?
I have absolutely no idea what an 11 year old with an iPhone has to do with any arguments you’ve had with his mother or the fact that you got cameras to “make sure everything was recorded”. I also fail to see how this could “feel like a huge set up”. You sound completely paranoid!
You felt justified in your phone issues by saying that you told her that if she ever needs to contact him she can always call because your phones are always on. YOUR PHONES. So you have complete CONTROL over any communication between your 11 year old stepson and HIS MOTHER. I would NOT be comfortable knowing that my child couldn’t call me if he/she needed me without having to go through someone who seems to be very paranoid and extremely controlling. Your justification only makes a stronger argument for why this kid SHOULD have his own phone!
His backpack has locks on it? That’s very telling that this poor kid feels the need to lock his backpack in his father’s home. But if you actually want a relationship with this kid, don’t take his backpack or his phone. Visits with you are going to feel more like going to prison.
On a side note, I am also a little confused. If you have this child from Friday after school until Tuesday before school, how does your husband (his father) go “weeks without seeing or talking to him”? And how often do YOU have to go 2 days without seeing or talking to your children? And the ONLY way you COULD talk to them would be through a gatekeeper who seems to act more like a prison warden?
Leave the kid alone and let him have his phone!
Let the kid have the phone. Sit with your husband & agree on rules when it comes to phone usage within your household. No taking of pictures of or with his siblings? Why though? Looks like you are the problem here. Not the mother, not the kid, not the dad. You want to controll everything, even the decisions of the kid’s mom.
So the older he gets he’ll never be allowed to have a phone their. Do you even consider this kid yours? You don’t want him taking pictures of YOUR kids? Let alone you’re just making it look like you have something to hide. My daughter video calls her dad and his girlfriend and her kids while wlaking around our house all the time. Which by the way, is her house too. She just knows not to show me unless asking. Give rules and boundaries. No pics of house and if he wnats to video call, do it in his bedroom.
Uh WHAT? His mother is allowed to know where tf her son is, AT ALL TIMES. I can understand not wanting him on it but if she wants to communicate with him that’s not up to you to stand in the way of that. Also, she CLEARLY has suspicions about what goes on in your house and what’s happening with her child and I can understand why.
You AND the mother are putting a child in the middle of ADULTS acting like children.
Lmfaooooo mind your business. You are a nightmare to deal with. Also there’s no you time at school. Jfc get a grip!
He can’t take a picture of your kids? Or your house? Wow. They’re his siblings and it’s his house too. You sound like an evil step mother
Doesn’t sound like you even care for this child… sad
I’m confused. You think you have more rights over SOMEONE ELSES child? Sounds like pure jealousy that she bought him a nice phone 
you got him a phone first? What’s the problem
Woah. What. Ma’am. No. Nasty. Be better.
Also to add to my previous comment unless your kids go to her house then you don’t need to be inside or see her home… she has seen inside your home because HER son lives there half of the week.
I feel sorry for the child!!! He’s 11 not 3!!
This poor kid.
Stop acting like high-school mean girls and parent and co parent this kid.
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