I’m not going to give my opinion one way or another because there’s a lot of red flags here no your part dad’s part and bio mom’s part. However to the other COMMENTERS what is actually wrong with some of you?? Lots of you are saying stay in your lane. Not your child. Let mom and dad parent their child… like ok lol so step parents aren’t allowed to be involved in PARENTING??? cause that’s how you teach a child that the step parents opinion means nothing. That they have no say and no authority. Also it’s called a step parent for a reason. They are an extra PARENT. I’m lucky enough to have 2 bio boys and 2 bonus girls. I’ve raised the youngest girl for 3 years. She’s only 6. I am her mom by her choice and her father’s my husband. I’m not her only mom but I am her mom. She gets 2. Just like my boys have their dad and step dad bonus dad. Ya’ll need to grow up. People divorce and get remarried. And when lucky the kids get twice the love support and guidance.
my 11 year old daughter has a phone i bought her plus unlimited data what’s the big deal of my kid wants to call video chat it’s there for her to use yes the mother got a little upset but when u work away 6 months out of a year the child tends to miss me and that’s our way of staying in contact throu the year and yes the judge agreed to it even tho the mother didn’t
NOT YOUR CHILD. NOT your business. Dad says it is ok? He keeps his phone.
I feel bad for that child. He’s being tossed between two homes and now feels like he’s in a position to lie between two immature adults that are putting him in the middle of something…for what?!
What’s the big deal that he brings his phone and takes pictures OF HIS HOME. It’s not just your home. It’s his second home. Put yourself in his shoes. I believe you love your step child but you’re putting your feelings about his mother before him. And that poor child is in the middle of it all.
Sounds like you hold too much animosity towards the ex. Get over yourself and quit power tripping.
There is some validity in terms of your concern about the tracking app. If you don’t want her knowing your every movement, that’s absolutely fair. Have that app disabled when he’s with you. Aside from that, just put in normal boundaries. If you don’t want him taking pics, that’s a tough one because it is his home too. But just chat it out.
Seems like you have some growing up to do!
This is a matter between his mother and his father to discuss!
Have him turn it off while he’s with you
Pick your battles and mind your place. You are the step parent!
The way you listed all you stipulations in your home… isn’t it all your homes as you all live together? Have you set boundaries with him stating his location should be off, no pictures unless given permission, etc. To me this doesn’t feel like just the phone is the issue here
My son and my two bonus kids all have phones. Two of them are 11 years old. But none of them have min they only can use wifi. I haven’t decided yet when to put min on the phone/s. Maybe when they get into Jr high next year. But it’s just a phone. You gave him one, his mom bought him one. Idk what the deal is with the phones. You need to talk to the father. I wouldn’t care what kind of a phone as long as I can get ahold of my son when I need too. A phone is just a phone in my eyes. It sounds like jealousy to me.
Also theyre allowed to get the phone for the kid they’re comfortable with him having but even then she says she doesn’t know where they’re at and she gets nervous. So bio moment allowed to give the technology she’s comfortable with him having because he might be a spy basically. If this were a stepdad that posted this people would be losing their minds. But because it’s obviously about a bitter baby mama to hear stepmom tell it. Wild
Come on grow up kids as young as 5 have phones.
This screams “I resent my husband’s previous relationship and the child is produced.” Get over yourself.
You don’t have to allow it in your home. I know I wouldn’t ever allow an electronic from my ex into my house. I find it odd you think your husband is going WEEKS without talking to his child is normal and should be the standard for mom. I’ve never gone a day without talking to mine. Not once. I could never go weeks. Also, it’s not your time if he’s at school. She’s allowed to go. I probably would too if I had to go that long without seeing my kids. She can’t withhold because of a phone tho. So just say no and make sure he doesn’t have it when he gets there.
Sounds like you need to get over whatever jealousy you have with his ex wife
First of all ma’am, you sound crazy. If nobody else has told you yet. Little girl, (because that’s what you’re acting like) you CAN NOT tell the mother what she is allowed to give her own child. 
who in the world decides to try to feel up someone’s private backpack to try to figure out what’s in it? Clearly it was in a locked backpack, as YOU informed us. So was he on it? It doesn’t seem so. It seems you’re more worried about the scenarios you made up in your own head, and that’s why you don’t want him to have a phone. It’s only okay if it’s the phone you gave him so you can control him. 
and whyyyy would it be wrong if he wanted to take pictures of his siblings? Clearly you don’t look at them that way. Smfh. Grow up please
This is too much for us to unpack. The best advice I have is for you all to get into family counseling ASAP.
This screams mean vindictive step mom vibes 
Turn the phone off when he’s with you, you’re manufacturing drama with a child when your problem is with the mom. He’s not going to speak to any of y’all when he grows up.
Was this brought here because dad didn’t handle the situation like you wanted it to? Or have the 2 of you talked?
You let his MOM and DAD handle it. Period.
It it between the father and the mother… You are a STEP parent… You should NOT be involving yourself.
Well with all the craziness going on online these days and child predators using phones n internet to find their next victims, I feel young children should not be exposed it, and I know many parents who dont want their childrens pictures put online or just laying around on someone’s phone for anyone to access .I also see the benefits of being able to know where you’re child is at all times…that being said…the house always rules and thise rules should be followed in any home at any age.
Schools don’t allow them:thinking:
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It’s an expensive item with many responsibilities attached to it and I would not want that responsibility,if child breaks it or gets into the wrong sites…who’s responsible? The step mom n the father who said leave it at home?
I feel this goes way deeper than just the phone and some co-parenting classes/counciling should be sought.
Kids should be kids…let them be just that.
Sounds like one hen trying to take over another hens nest any way you look at it. I
Someone tag my exs gf frfr same issue they always trying to play the main parent Levi Weikel candi Nelson learn something here
You sound petty, and controlling, tbh. Everything was me, me, me…It’s the child’s phone, you and his father can set limits while he is there… but being so controlling and demanding is icky.
Try instead working together, instead of putting the poor child in the middle of things.
It’s a phone, it’s not the end of the world, and the child can keep in contact with his mother as well, when he’s at his dad’s house and vice versa.
& ur acting controlling because ? Are u jealous that maybe ur not the 1 who got it 4 him but his biological mom did .? Get a grip & let him have the dam phone
As long as it’s not affected his school situation & he’s not acting out or being disrespectful & comes home when he’s supposed to & so on then I’m not sure what the problem is but the fact of ur being jealous & controlling
I can see her point of view. Your house, your rules. And everyone should respect each others wishes for the sake of the kids. But you should step back and let them handle it. I know it’s frustrating but you gotta pick your battles. Let the bio mom do her snooping around. It’s not gna End up well for her. And you do you and love on that child no matter what
Your the problem here. Keep creating issues and that kid is gonna want to stay with his mom and make it an even bigger issue.
… this isn’t about the phone or the kid … this is about his biological mom. We can see right through you.
You need to stay in your lane as the Step parent. You and the Bio mom are not equal. This should be between the biological parents. However, by your logic I can see why the Bio mom gave him a phone. Also, IPhones have parental settings. You don’t know what limits she has placed on the phone she pays for… get over yourself! 
Ur not his mother! When I divorced my ex husband I got my daughter a phone so she could call me if need be.
Sounds like the issue isn’t the phone. Very sad for this child.
Feeling his backpack… you’re weird. If I was his mom… he wouldn’t go to your house unless he has that phone. You seem untrustworthy. … there’s a reason dad only has every other weekend. 
you seem over bearing. She doesn’t want to CALL you to talk to her own child. Especially if you all don’t get along. You’re pushing this kids away… and it seems that’s exactly 
what you want to happen
Honestly you sound like a absolute control freak and your stepson will resent you. It sounds like you need to back away and mind your business. This is between the parents
Listen let the child have his phone but tell him there are certain limitations. Make it clear to him that his life here and at his Mothers is private.
When she takes you to court over the next thing you all do that pisses her off, she will tell the judge that you don’t want him to have a phone there that SHE can get a hold of her child on and the judge will be pissed at YOU and not her. The judge will think you are trying to hide something and I believe you are.
Not your son, so you don’t have a say I’m afraid.
We make sure the kids don’t have the phone or watch on them. My bonus kids mother is nosy she rarely let’s there dad talk to them but when they are with us demand she gets to talk to them and literally all she does is try to get info. We have the kids change into our clothes when they get here (she sends them in 2 or more sizes to small clothing) and we make sure all phones, watches get put in our room until they leave again it’s just something that needs to be done. So that’s what I’d suggest sooner or later they will stop trying to send it.
Numbering to keep my thoughts in order
There’s clearly a lot of animosity between you and bio mom, to the point that your so hyper focused on ‘beating’ her that you’re ignoring your stepsons feelings and actively punishing him.
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I have a problem with the ‘we always have our phones on’ point to your stepson having his phone to be able to talk to his mom.
That means that they have to go through you to talk.
Given your animosity using your cellphone to talk to his mom would be pretty uncomfortable for your stepson… but I’d be a bit suspicious as to why it has to be your phone or your husband’s. -
she only goes a couple days while your husband goes weeks without seeing him.
You’re not even considering that because his contact with you and his dad is so infrequent that he may feel more comfortable talking to his mom when he’s scared or uncomfortable.
You’re not a prominent part of his life, and there’s no reason a preteen boy would be willing to open up to you.
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You don’t want him taking pictures of your children and your home.
This to me is a red flag.
While I do completely understand feeling a bit like your privacy is being invaded, this statement makes it clear that you do not really consider your step son a part of your family and don’t even extend the same courtesy that you would a guest.
I’m also curious as to whether or not, you’re actively trying to keep things from bio mom and why? -
Screw that 'cheap emergency phone’s it’s not even really worthy of note in this discussion if we’re being honest.
And it’s a crap excuse for your behavior.
How old are your kids? Do they have devices of any sort? Tablets? Computers? Consoles? Do they connect to the internet? Does your stepson have those things at your house of his own?
If your other children have devices of any sort, then you really don’t have an issue with the concept of phone.
You have an issue with your stepson and his mom being able to communicate freely about what happens at your house.
And again, this is a major red flag to me at the very least indicating that you intentionally left out a lot of pertinent information.
Sheesh I have nothing nice to say - thank god you aren’t my child’s stepmom 
So basically 2-3 more years before he can leave whatever mess this chick has going on.
Because this is not a normal way to treat a step child. What’s up with constantly calling Y’ALLs home ‘MY’ home. It’s his home to and its weird you wanna be so damn sneaky about his home.
So you want the one who CARRIED him for 9mths dealt with all the pain, weight gain etc get your permission on how to treat her own child, be grateful she’s being a mom, he’s 11 there are things he’ll go through and he’s gonna want to talk to his mom even when he’s at your home, you’re trying to be abit controlling let the bio parents deal with any problems you think exist
Did you all read what I read cause 
y’all need to talk
you bought them a cheap phone to track them on your time but it’s an issue mom does? That’s what a phone at that age is used for 98% of the time. My son has an iPhone and I track him 24/7 (as well as my husband) his dad pays for it. Just as his dad as a droid and has Life360 tracking our son 24/7. Are we hiding places we’re going? What’s the big issue with it? It’s not like she doesn’t know your address.
If she won’t give you passcode to the phone then I wouldn’t be responsible for what happens on it on my time so the phone would get out into a drawer and I’d tell her that. He can use it when he wants to speak with her but other than that it gets put up. And it won’t be a constant I wanna text mom every 15 mins thing either. But that’s really the only issue with a phone being in my home I’d have.
My 9 sd mom bought her a phone a year ago. It wasn’t being monitored at her moms that she sees most weekends only. So my husband told her and BM phone wasn’t being monitored she wasn’t having a phone at all along with the social accounts she decided to let her make at her house.
If he has a phone you gave him, he doesn’t need the iPhone. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for it, and frankly, he’s too young for an iPhone. His mom just needs a way to call him at your house and he has that. I also had a mom make problems for us, when we had the kids. She went so far as to ask the kids to steal our mail to hide and bring to her. If there weren’t underlying issues with the families, I wouldn’t be so concerned. Some families could easily handle the situation. But every one is different. And I will reiterate…no 11 year old needs an iPhone. A simple phone to make phone calls and keep in touch with his mom is enough. If his mom insists he has the iPhone let him use it at her house. He doesn’t need it for anything but calls? He’s way too young to be on any apps or social media.
1.) Not.your kid not your problem
2.) WHY is your HUSBAND the boys dad NOT stepping in and speaking up?
When I read posts like this my first thought is the new wife DOESN’T need to be asking the BM 
the new wife needs to be directly asking ALL of her questions to her husband because ain’t NO WAY. How and why did she feel comfortable enough to come onto your property in the first place?
All of y’all adults need to grow the fuck up.
This is weird and petty. It’s not “your home and your children” it’s also his home and his siblings. What’s happening at your house that you absolutely don’t want photos of it? That’s weird. He can’t take photos with his siblings? Again, petty petty post.
Just stop. I feel like adults are more sensitive than the kids now. His life is upside down and backwards between 2 homes… and you’re uncomfortable? Get family counseling and let the boy have his phone. Stop weaponizing your “concern”
First & foremost this is a parenting issue. You’re not the parent. I hear a lot of "I don’t want him to have this phone. Take those concerns to your husband. He has to deal with his ex & his son. He can file a parenting time restriction barring him from bringing his phone, taking pics, videos etc.
I lived something similar to this. Not with a phone involved to my knowledge (but certainly possible) but with my now ex’s son snooping through our stuff, listening to all conservations, reporting back to mom who used that information to stalk me & my kids. If your husband doesn’t back you up & become proactive over this issue (searching his backpack for the phone, preventing him from nosing around etc) your life is going to be hell. If he won’t stand up to his ex & son for you RUN!!! Don’t tell him where you live either. Hell tell the ex.
Some of you obviously never had someone use that phone to track you and your families every move, or to take pictures/recording of your home/home life. For some co-parenting relationships, you’re right, the phone is NBD but for others where the phone is used as a control and manipulation tactic by the co-parent it doesn’t work. It’s can be a huge invasion of privacy and the other parent uses the phone to constantly interject themselves on your time to assert control over the child. A lot of people deal with a co-parent that doesn’t have good intentions and don’t want their children to have good relationships with their other parent. Just because she’s a stepparent doesn’t mean she shouldn’t have a say of what happens in HER HOME!!! Her being Biomom doesn’t give her permission to TRESPASS ON THEIR PROPERTY OR TRACK THEIR MOVEMENTS!!! Y’all are basically telling this woman that just because she married someone with kids she’s not a allowed to have a say in what happens in her own home and that is just WILD to me. Those types of thoughts are what make being a stepmom so freaking hard we’re just viewed as outsiders who are trying to come in and take over whereas stepdad “stepped up” and get so much praise smh. THE PERSON PUTTING THE KID IN THR MIDDLE OF THINGS ISNT THIS STEPMOM ITS THE BIOMOM! She’s making it hard for THE CHILD to have a peaceful uninterrupted time with his FATHER WHO IS JUST AS MUCH HIS PARENT AS SHE IS!! It’s all about CONTROL!! Did y’all miss the trespassing and not allowing the child to talk to his father for weeks at a time?!! No y’all are all up in arms about Biodad and Stepmom setting healthy boundaries for their home smh
This poor boy is 11 yo & for the past 8 years of his life you & his mother have been fighting? Is that right?
This is so heartbreaking. This has absolutely NOTHING to do with with the stupid phone or your poor son, this has to do with some serious unresolved issues between you & her & he is the collateral damage.
It truly saddens my heart when parents put their children in the middle of their nonsense bc it causes so much damage. Have y’all even thought about the damage you’ve caused this precious child? For gods sake he’s 11 & for 8 years yall couldn’t get your shit together & co parent in a cohesive way?
You & your ex need to hire a therapist & sort out your issues bc I guarantee you it has nothing to do with a stupid phone.
That’s on the dad why would u go weeks without seeing ur son? Furthermore u need to back off ur the STEPmom not ur place if his mom wants him to have it then so be it maybe she doesn’t want to be like the dad and not check on him
Coming from experience from the other side. You’re not thinking of your stepson, your thinking of yourself. This will be so damaging to your stepson. I think you should seriously read the comments and see how you’re acting. Please see how your acting and change your ways for the sake of the child.
You’re crazy lady. Full blown off the rocker crazy. The phone isn’t yours to touch nor yours to say a thing about. You didn’t pay for it so you have no right to say what he does with it your excuse is you’re afraid there’s pics being taken of your home to show his mom like what kind of weird mindset is that. Again not your phone not your control. Pick your battles lady and pick them better.
I got confused thought you were his mother not the step mother sorry but if she wants him to have a phone that’s up to her not you why would you think the child is spying on you or your house and you said you have him Friday to Tuesday but you also say your husband goes weeks without talking to him so which is it he stays with you every week or he doesn’t I think you need to take a step back your not his mother so you can’t dictate him having a phone or not you also brought him a phone so why is there a big deal he has an iPhone this post is so confusing
“My stepson” girl if you don’t shut the fuck up. 
i wasnt able to finish reading it, quit projecting your insecurities onto the kid and blaming the phone.
I can’t even. If the MOTHER wants to be able to contact HER child while at your house she has ever right. If a phone In general was the issue you wouldn’t have gotten him a cheep one. So he can have a phone as long as it’s the one you provided. This whole post has me thinking something shady is going on. You don’t want him taking pictures of your house??? What? Why? Is something going on? This poor kid sounds like he is a possession to you. And he isn’t yours. 8 years and you are making this post about a freaking phone to the internet? People say your house your rules…I understand rules. But the mother should be able to contact HER son. I just can’t with this post…
<3 Omg!! Huge red flags from step mom!! There’s a reason she doesn’t want a phone capable of tracking or taking videos or pictures. She sounds paranoid. What goes on in your home that you don’t want a child YOU already gave a “cheap” cellphone to, to have a phone that can track and take pictures? This lady sounds overbearing and obsessed. Who cares what the step mom wants?? If I were that child’s mother you wouldn’t be deciding when my kids has a phone and you wouldn’t be delegating it’s use period. 11 is a preteen! Step mom butt out and leave the parenting to the actual parents.
Let him have the phone shut it off when you drive places or leave it at your house.
lol there is it. YOUR home? Not his home? You’ve made it very clear you’re tolerating his presence but at no time should he get comfortable enough to feel like it’s his home too. YOU are the reason I’m terrified they’ll ever have a stepmom in their lives because someone ever treat my kids like they’re unwanted in what should be THEIR home too baaaabbaay your own kids won’t ever look at you the same after I show you my kid ain’t the one.