She may be “sensitive “, but she sounds like a normal teenager who is really spoiled. It won’t get any better unless you stop filling her every whim without any effort on her part. If you tighten up, it may even be worse for awhile. She’s not going to permanently hate you if you tighten up. Remember, you’re trying to raise a responsible adult, not be her friend.
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Your last line says it all. She’s a sensitive child who acts just like you did when you were her age. She isn’t quite 13. Our oldest was a handful at that age as well. And you’re right, sometimes you go through a period where you love your kid, but you don’t like them at all. It’s all about their attitude. You say that she seems to be very entitled. That’s down to you.
As a single parent who apparently has income that you can afford to spend on your daughter, you need to set some boundaries. Rein in some of the “shopping” and hanging out with friends. Don’t cut it off, but make sure she understands those are privileges that she needs to earn. Set up a chore chart. Even if it’s just her doing her homework and picking up after herself. Explain to her calmly that since it’s only the two of you, and you are the only one bringing money into the family, she is going to have to pick up some of the slack.
And yes, she’s probably going to “hate” you for it. But guess what? Your job is to parent, not be her friend. You wrote: “I hated my mom for making me do chores and to earn my privileges, but now I’m thankful for that because I feel like I’m a decent, hard-working human being.” In the future, your daughter will thank you, too.
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It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because you’ve done all this hard work all on your own and now feel like the results (your daughters behavior) do not measure up to the standards you expected. I agree with others that the situation with her father is traumatic and will have a lifelong impact. It also sounds like you may have been over indulgent while also neglecting to teach her accountability and gratitude - please know I say this with kindness from one Mother to another. This is not your daughters fault; she is a product of her environment. It’s your behavior that needs fine tuning. Her behavior will adjust accordingly with time, communication and healthy boundaries/restrictions which will be reinforced with love and respect by you.
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Give her a hormone balancing vitamin for teenagers and family counseling and individual counseling
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Thats 99% of teens. TAKE HER PHONE AWAY
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It’s normal at that age. It’s your job to control her. Exchange the money you give her for what you want her to do. Give her a task in exchange for her cel phone payment. If she doesn’t do it, don’t pay it. If she throws a fit, tell her to do what you asked her and only after she does it, pay it.
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You need to set up intentional consequences for her actions ahead of time. Sit down and make a list of priorities you want her to be responsible for and timelines. You fix dinner , she does the dishes. Teach her to fix dinner too. Start with one night a week it’s her responsibility after you teach her some basics. She does her laundry, or a joint load. She picks up a room and cleans a room a day. If she gets mouthy or disrespectful take her phone for the evening. “You were very disrespectful and this is a privilege. Take tonight to think about ways to communicate with me without the disrespect.” Make the consequence instant. If she continues take it for longer. Do not let her go to a friends or social outing if she hasn’t contributed. You have to set up the expectations and enforce them.
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Remember who the parent is. Enforce that. You aren’t there to be best friends. Your job is to raise her into a decent human being that functions in society.
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Ohh,God, you got the mothers curse. “I hope your child turns out just like you”. I don’t think there is any correct road to take, Because you are correct in saying, hormones, ect.ect. I had the same problem. It was unbearable at times. Most of the time, I didn’t engage in combat, just did what I needed to do, ignoring. Sometimes I would shut off the electricity, stating I didn’t have the money to turn on, ( not for hours) , or disconnect the internet and TV at the modem, to express the same thing. Very tough age to deal with. At this age, she may express no care. God have mercy on you. Maybe sending her to her grandparents for a while will help, like on a weekend. Somtimes they don’t care until they see others suffering worse than themselves. But then again,she may not care. Tough question.
She doesn’t need phone at 13
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I had an awful relationship with my daughter at that age . It gets better. If you need monetary help, go for support.
You need to stop buying her things and stop paying her cell phone bill. She needs to grow up and you need to put your foot down. Good luck mama
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Have her earn her phone time by doing her chores. She doesn’t need a phone she’s been blessed with one and teaching her she must work for things she wants is important. Counseling could be good for you and her. She is going through a lot as well and I think you’re both probably just emotionally drained from everything else when it comes to your relationship it’s overwhelming. Give both of you an outlet and a 3rd party to help you work through it.
I’d definitely start by taking the phone, not giving her money for going out with her friends. If she wants money, she needs to earn it by doing chores (allowance, maybe) and/or maybe additional work above and beyond whatever you feel is appropriate for regular “chores.” Her attitude also needs to change. Don’t buy her whatever clothes she wants- buy her what she needs, yes, but they don’t have to be in a particular fancy brand. Target clothes work fine.
I have a 13- year old myself. When she starts to get a bit sassy, first thing to go is her phone (I have parental controls on it, so I can instantly disable it from my phone).
With everything going on, consider getting your daughter in therapy. Thirteen is a tough age. It may provide an outlet for her that she doesn’t have.
Just my 2¢.
Most teenagers are like. This. THEY HATE THEIR. MOTHERS. THEY ARE USERS. SOMEDAY. SHE WILL BE SORRY
Have her buy her clothes at the GOODWILL
STOP giving her EVERYTHING she WANTS and only give her what she NEEDS until she EARNS IT with learning RESPECT AND RESPONSIBILITY!!
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My son acts the same way
Stop buying whatever she wants. Including the cell phone. If she wants it she earns it. She is 13 and needs a few chores. My 12 almost 13 year old has 4 chores. He has yard, dishes, trash, and cook dinner. Why? Because he wants to to friends houses, new video game, and this exact shirt. I don’t play the give game. Food, clothes I buy, and a roof over head is what he gets free. He gives attitude he doesn’t get to do anything. Took him a few months to figure out this trick. He is my bonus child and I do everything for him. The cell phone I have been clear over. It’s not happening. You don’t need one till you can pay for it. No exceptions. Grades have to go way up. Put your foot down. This is what you expect. She will be out of the house in 5 years or so laundry, cooking, and cleaning are life skills she needs. My 9 year old has moved to laundry. My 12 year old graduated from it last year.
She’s acting like a typical teenager. She hasn’t even gotten to the difficult stage yet.
I would make her earn her privileges like her phone and money and even hanging out with her friends.
I had three kids that I raised alone. I was the hardest part of my life. Drastic times sometimes calls for drastic measures. I took their bedroom door off to prove my point then made them earn it back
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Tough love. My kids are pretty nice to me, but once an attitude comes on, I will take their phones and stomp them in the yard before I allow them to be disrespectful to the person that provides all of the privileges they have.
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Should’ve been an effective parent and raised her better…
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You recognize the problem. You as the PARENT, need to start providing the DISCIPLINE that a PARENT provides instead of trying to win her love and respect. To teach RESPECT, you have to give it and demand it and reflect it in the way she sees you treat others that treat you with it.
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Make a chores list have her earn what she wants vs just giving them to her …maybe see about getting her todo a baby sitters course so she can earn her own money etc
Take her phone away. Quit buying her everything she wants. Acknowledge that you recognize she is going through changes in her body chemistry but that you will not tolerate her abusing attitude and behavior. You are her MOTHER, her PARENT and her PROVIDER. You need to draw the lines, explain what and why they are there. Then ENFORSE them.
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Sounds like normal 12 year old behavior to me. Get her into counseling, even if its just at school. You will get throught this momma, stick to your guns. It will get better. Wishing you the best
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When she acts out don’t reward her. Don’t give her money for extracurricular activities because that’s a reward for good behavior. Take her cell phone away. Don’t give in no matter how she acts. Give her a set list of chores make some of the chores cleaning her room, cleaning up after herself, doing the dishes, vacuuming, mopping the floors etc. If she doesn’t do her chores then she loses a privilege weither it’s her phone or extracurricular activities.
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She will love you again in her 20’s lol
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Take her phone away that will solve the problem real quick. A phone is a privilege and if she’s not following the rules and being respectful then she loses that privilege. Don’t give it to her until she signs a contract of what you expect of her.
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Lost me at pay rent for us.
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Welcome to mothering a teenager… they are all this way at this age. Take her phone shop at the goodwill and she gets to do NOTHING unless her room is clean and chores are done. Make her do chores! She can do dishes and laundry. She needs brought down a notch! Been there done that still doing it. It hurts you more than it hurts them but she will be a better person later on. I know you’re exhausted and on your feet all day but maybe do some volunteer work together. She needs to give back in some way. You are to provide her needs not her wants. Wants she can get herself with allowance. She will learn to save and the value of a dollar. Tough love mama and lots of prayers! Please feel free to pm me if you need an ear! I have one 11 one 14 and one 21… I feel you!
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She acts this way because she can without consequences.
Be consistent with consequences for her bad actions and you’ll see a change in behavior.
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I realized not very long ago, that the mother I’m becoming, growing into, forming, could be super chill and unfazed by tempers and bad choices, or I will stay an angry, frustrated, overwhelmed mom. It’s my choice. I know who I’d rather become. But it’s hard… If you’ve read this long, here’s the main part… the night after I had that realization, I was trying to practice this “mindful calm” and it was a lightbulb… when I feel most upset is when she (my 7-going-on-15 girl) is making a choice that will lose either a privilege or makes bedtime come sooner. And when I can manage to stay calm and loving is when I leave the consequences on her choices. “You don’t want to wind down and get ready for bed and do your chores (because you live in this house, and you gotta know how to care for yourself), then you have lost these privileges, and I’m sad about that, cuz now i can imagine what you feel like without that. Let’s try again tomorrow.”
Best of luck, signed another single mom of a strong willed child
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You definitely need to stop giving her everything and teach her what responsibility is.
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Time to start showing her tough love … stop giving her extra money , no more hanging with friend , bye bye sports … if she has a cell phone , take it … if she has any other electronic , take it … So pretty much , she is grounded until she starts treating you better … then any time she treats you badly she is grounded
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Sorry, but welcome to teen hormone poisoning. This is … ugh… normal. Time to go back to 1, 2, 3,… tell her to do Something. 2, ask if she heard you, 3… consequences. Time out ( no phone, etc) my favorite was extra chores. My house was never cleaner !! Also sit down for conversations A. LOT.
P.S. file for child support !!! Now !!!
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Do not enable her.It’s a tough age and if she thinks she can manipulate you she will. Otherwise she will be more disrespectful. Not only to you, but also to other adults . It’s an entitlement attitude. Reward her for good grades. She will probably refuse Counseling, but it might help. Stick to your guns.
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Probably not possible
However Summer in a third world country world give her a new outlook on life.
Should have started disciplining earlier. This is what being a kid’s friend ,instead of parent, creates. Take stuff away…stop giving her everything. Ground her from going out. Etc. Make her earn everything back. Teach respect for others. Have to start at lesson 1,bc obviously didnt teach her consequences of actions as a kid.
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As soon as she is old enough to get a job, please make her get one. Make her be responsible for her actions and her behavior, no treats for bad behavior. It’s her behavior you have issues with not her. Always remember it’s her behavior. Never give her an inch she will take a mile. Most importantly take one day at a time for you and for her. And do lots and lots and lots of praying. God will give you both your paths 
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Start making her earn money. Make a chart with chores & a monetary amount for that chore. Like clean your room $1 a day. Check her room each day & add that dollar to her account. She has to pay her phone bill, shopping & any other extras. If she doesn’t have the money she goes without. Provide her the bare minimum. 3 meals a day, used clothes (she pays for new clothes), a place to sleep, transportation to school, drs appointments etc (not to friends, the mall etc. She pays for that), things she needs for school etc. She has to work for any wants. Put it on a prepaid card so you can monitor what she spends on her money on. I say this because drugs could be next. It’s hard to buy without cash. You can also tell if she starts stealing if all her money is on a card.
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She can earn the things you have been willingly giving. Be tough for a while, let her throw her fits. I have 3 girls and have been through this with all of them. When they realized I was standing my ground, they straightened up. My almost 13 year old is actually grounded right now for being a snotty almost 13 yr old.
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Time for a. Therepy for both of you and b. Time for child support.
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Please get some support and counseling. Don’t give up. And take all legal steps you can to get every penny of Child Support from that jerk. Stop killing your self
Tom retired divorce lawyer
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She is acting totally normal. Research teenagers so you have some tools. She’s prob dealing with hormones. You r all she has… don’t let her fake disapproval fool you. She’s testing to see if you care. Be patient… no name calling… learn how to argue… no old issues, stay on point, no name calling. We both might need a time out. She’ll come back to you at 19 or 20
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My 13 year old acts like I asked her to walk 40 days through the desert everything I ask her to do anything. When she acts that way my polite request becomes a demand with consequences if it’s not done. I ignore the attitude as much as possible because she doesn’t always mean it, so there are several reminders to adjust her tone when speaking. She does chores in addition to taking care of her areas (her bedroom and bathroom). Her consequences for bad decisions or talking back are losing her phone, no shopping, no friends etc. You will get through this, we all will. Teenagers need boundaries, setting those boundaries and ground rules let them know you care even if they can’t see it now.
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I agree that you require patience however she also requires you to ensure she has the tools required to survive adulthood. I was also a single parent and my daughter went through a phase when she became rude and disrespectful. Solution I advised her that her behavior was unacceptable, i removed all of her things that were not mandatory including make-up, I removed the door off of her room and advised when she changed her attitude she could get her privileges back. I also did not give her any money to go anywhere or do anything aside for school related, lunch had to be made at home. Just some ideas that may be helpful. Also my daughter is now 30 and she is amazing, we have an awesome relationship and she herself is an amazing mother. Teenagers have hormones but we still need to hold them accountable. Hang in there momma.
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Explain how you thought the two of you would have a better relationship and ask if she thinks you two should? If you both can work at it? Sometimes the truth is a good shocker and can bring a person around to seeing things for what they are or could be or have been. Good luck XXXOOO
I have a 13 yr old daughter and she knows she wouldn’t have any teeth if she ever disrespected me. Her and my 14 yr old son know momma don’t play.
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First make her work for extras and stop putting up with it
She’s an almost 13 yr old girl, being at formal 12-13 year old, life is rough, pms is hard, hormones are awful. Welcome to the teen years!!
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Summer work, so she can learn how hard it is !!! Punish her no shore don’t get her anything she likes only what she needs. Take her phone away ect
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You need to get he support for her…on the behavior, i had a teen that stayed in trouble…like you I worked in the medical field 12-hr shifts…she is 35 today and still on drugs…I know her trouble began on the phone and hanging with the wrong crowd…I blame myself to this day for all my daughter’s problems…lot more to her stoy…I tell you this, take time to get help from a teen counselor who can help you effectively deal with the problem so she doesn’t end up a statistic…good luck to you and prayer…talk to God…its an on your knees job so he can strengthen you! I wish I had done more for y daughter…stupidly I thought she’d grow out of the stage she was in…until I realized she was on drugs at age 12…dont give up…yall are worth 
all the effort
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I was awful at that age. I would slam my bedroom door so hard, part of the wood came off. My mom didn’t know about taking doors off back then. It was in the 70’s. Luckily, this phase didn’t last long, but I put my mom through hell. We ended up having a wonderful relationship. My mom didn’t put up with any crap. She held me accountable for every bad thing I did. And she praised me for the good things I did. It is hard trying to keep a healthy balance when your kid is acting like a monster. This too shall pass.
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She’s a teenager. Raising Teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree
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That is a horrible age. LOTS of acting out at that age. Don’t be her friend, be her mom. If she doesn’t do her chores, etc., she needs consequences. Take away her cell phone, etc. She is NOT the boss of YOU.
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Maybe on your day of have a mother and daughter day even at home do each other nails, face masks treatment s, popcorn movie day, then you and your daughter can really talk maybe something bothering her at school etc
Hey what you give you can take way. The phone, the fancy clothes, the extra money. Until she starts at least appreciating you, I would shut it all off. You arent her friend you’re her mother. She doesnt have to like you at this stage, just respect you.
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I’m dealing with almost the exact same thing. My daughter is 12 and had the worst attitude. She would break down and cry and throw a temper tantrum that would put a 3 year old to shame over the slightest thing. Sometimes all I had to do was say her name and she would start freaking out like she was in trouble when all I wanted to do was ask her a quick question. Her father has been in her life since she was born, but they don’t have the best relationship. She actually told him she hated him and never wanted to see him again last summer and he has slowly been working on gaining her trust and love back.
That being said, we took her phone away 2 weeks ago because I had had enough of her attitude. She is the most pleasant and loving girl now. I honestly believe that a “digital detox” is what she needed, and when she does get her phone back there will be very strict limitations on what apps she can use and how much time she can use it each day. It was tough the first day or two, but once she realized we weren’t giving her phone back to her until WE decided to she stopped fighting us and is more present and delightful to be around.
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My daughter is the same way I got her counseling and she got tested for bipolar and depression and her dad is not in the picture he used to be
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She’s not a sensitive child she is spoilt and has learned bad behaviour gets results. You have become an enabler and she’s taking advantage of it. Why is there no child support? Wake up and smell the coffee
Sounds like my teens. Lots of hormones and emotional issues. Not to mention the hell our kids go through w public schools and teen issues. I had to set up my youngest son with a school counselor and a mental health counselor too. We have to remember that even though their kids the mental health is still important. She might just need to get every thing off her chest. My son’s seems to be doing better so far. Fingers crossed for all of us parents of teenagers. Just remember to love them unconditionally.
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Melissa M Parker Melissa Parker any advice for this momma?
Teenagers are hard! Hopefully it’s just a phase mama. I have 4 kids and only my 12 y/o daughter acts similar 
.
Cut her off … or she will never learn. Teens need to realize that it’s not a given its EARNED … your not there to be thier friend or thier bank. If she continues to act the way she does she don’t need that money hand out… call a therapist because there might be an even more underlying problem and you shouldn’t have to do it alone.
But until she sees that (that the parent is in control) she will continue to act that way because usually they see that ( them selves the teenagerz) have main authority and it is NOT TO BE THAT WAY. Start taking things away and less friend time until she decides to settle down … it’s all about choices and actions … don’t give her the satisfaction
Be clear on what you don’t want or tolerate, compliment on the positive things she does ( if any 
), stay warm but firm and don’t try to take things personal ( which probably is the hardest thing)
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All our kids who have had absent parents are dealing with residual abandonment issues. And when you get the other parent in her life even for a minute there is bound to be anger and resentment. She may just not know where to direct it. I would get her into counseling. I would also tell her that her behavior is not okay and that until she starts respecting you that her phone privileges/internet/time with friends/extra cash is gone. She can EARN it back by doing her chores and homework and by respecting you in her words and actions. You might get some I hate you’s at first but if you hold your ground she should eventually figure out her behavior has to change.
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Teenagers mostly are ungrateful little hormonal monsters but Thank God they Do grow out of it but don’t cater to her demands or she may never grow out of it . I wish you the best of luck 
File for child support n sit her butt down n explain things are going to change set our the rules expectations n consequences n stick to them at 13 she should be doing chores n helping with dinner
First of all you need to be a mom and set boundaries. Being a friend comes after they are adults. If she acts out start taking stuff she enjoys away. Friends, cell phone, money. Start doing mother daughter activities together and as her attitude gets better you can start giving things back to her. And remember those shoes she is getting mad in can also be used to get glad in
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The longer it go’s on the harder it will be put your foot down now you think!
You aren’t doing her any favors by letting her act like a spoil brat, set boundaries no chores no money and she talks to you with respect or she can go without any perks including clothes!
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Just keep being the parent do not let her make the rules set boundaries and let her pout.
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Hold your ground and make her accountable for her actions! She wants to be disrespectful take her phone, she doesn’t want to clean her space empty it just a bed and clothes! Your her mother not her friend I would not stand for that. I have a almost 13 year old boy and he knows if he acts like a fool there are consequences for his actions. (Also I had my son at 16)
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I was a single mom for a lot of years and let me say this to you when I come home from work their shit better be done their homework better be done or they lost that cell phone these kids had animals they had horses they played Sports they did it all but they wouldn’t have been able to do any of it without me busting my ass so hell no phone goes shut it off whatever there has to be consequences for her actions best part of being responsible how are her grades that’s another one of her responsibilities
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If by throwing a fit or loud mouthing she gets her way, and you give in then you are just reinforcing bad behavior. The only way to fix that is to stop giving her money, and if she acts out, take away her phone. Teens hate when they lose their phone!! You have to remember, you are the parent and can control the situation! I would sit her down and let her know beforehand, if she raises her voice at you or doesn’t do her chores then you will take her phone for a specified amount of time! You need to get a foot-hold on the situation before it gets way out of control!!
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She could get a part time job after school
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Stop paying phone,take it away
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Til she earns it back
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Parents aren’t always ment to be liked … it’s hard but hopefully one day she sees what you done for her … maybe find ways for her to earn money so she can see how she needs to work for it… stop paying her phone unless she earns it ( part of earning being respect too ) I don’t have a teen yet mine are still young but I have teen nieces and have watched how things go … so my advice may not be from experience but observations… the ones that have respect are the ones that had to earn things
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She’s a teen. That’s kinda what they do.
Unfortunately.
And, you’re not there to be her friend right now. You’re her mother first. You can be firm and fair.
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Continue to teach grace. Being a teen is hard. Being a teen with an absent by choice parent is hard. Being a teen with their primary parent out of home most of the week is hard too.
they all act like that
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Kids think they can make us pay for mistakes we think we made. They will also play one parent against the other. Don’t get involved in this nonsense.
Treat her like you would someone else’s child. Step out of the Mommy jeans.
The teen years are much worse than the terrible twos and last much longer if you do not get it right.
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Just keep on being the reasonable, responsible mom you are and someday you will see the results- a reasonable, responsible adult daughter.
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Take away privileges when she doesn’t do chores. Start with her phone see how fast she helps lol
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Maybe you two need to see a professional. This is a terrible time for both of you. You will always love her but you need to get back to liking her
I did foster care for yrs and all though there classes were a bit dumb I did take away a few things that worked. I must say I agree w one thing alot of ppl said maybe u two should see someone to learn to communicate better and my suggestions would be have like 4 hours on Sunday where u and her both pit down cell phones and hang out watch a movie cook or bake together get ur relationship back to a good note. Also one thing I did like from classes which worked great was ask her to do something like cleaning room. On the wnd ask change the password to wifi till she does what she is suppose to do then give her the new password good luck 13 is a hard age and kids go through way more then we did G that age. Not that it’s a reason to disrespect u but maybe u both need to see each others views
Sending you loads of love and compassion… the last part in particular, I could so relate to, this is an article I (Chantal) wrote for Hand In Hand Parenting:
Hand In Hand has helped me immeasurably and the timing of this is perfect as tomorrow their tweens course is $11USD with code: tween11
It’s a really hard time. I hear how hard you are working at this!
Stop giving into her
If she wants those luxuries
She has to earn them , not expect them
Stop paying for her to go to the mall, giving her lunch money
Put her on a pre paid phone
Give her an allowance once a month based on her chores being done
As a grandmother
I say don’t let her become part of the “self entitled” generation
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Need to be mom
And take things away
Make her earn them back
Because if you don’t
It’s only going to get worse
On that’s on you.
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Have you shared how you felt when you found out you were pregnant and how you worry about her choices? Hope you have someone you can talk to or can take your daughter to some counseling sessions with and without you present.
Stop doing things for them
Birth, teething, potty training and teen years is something nobody ever prepares you for.
I have no advice. Just wanted to say I get you.
She sounds like she has bipolar and needs to see a counselor
Welcome to hormonal teenagery
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May take time to out grow!!!
I heard this from my own daughter as hard as it is being a mum and loving Ur child and wanting to protect her the day u start showing u don’t care even though u do the will pull there head in after awhile because deep down she knows Ur the one that loves her and Ur the one that’s always there for her no matter what so Mama stand Ur ground and just start saying no the tears n tantrums will come and it will prob get worse before better but it’s worth it they get bored n snap out of it
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