Looking for advice. My son does not sleep at my house. On nights I have him, he tortures me. Literally wakes me every hour. I’m sleep deprived, he’s struggling too. His behavior is so bad because lack of sleep. He’s already on Benadryl and melatonin as the developmental pediatrician recommended this. Does absolutely nothing to him. He even sleeps with his 3 year old brother. So he’s not alone. His father and I are not together and he Co sleeps on his nights. Which is what I think the issue is. I’ve talked to him about it, but he refuses to stop. I refuse to co sleep. I already am up twice a night with my 18 month old, then 5-6 times with him. Any advice is welcome.
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Have you tried co sleeping with him? Just to see if that’s a little easier try every possible scenario
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Well you do you and yours but my 5 yr old.still sleeps with me every night as does my 15yr old who has autism and honestly I couldnt sleep without them. I am all for co sleeping…my husband has his own room…there will be plenty of time for us later…my kids come first.
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My son is nearly 4 and still sleeps with me. His prob put out because of hid routine is sleeping with daddy then when comes to u he sleeps alone. If anything like my child routine is key and he is stressed from out his routine
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If it’s only an issue at your house, and you don’t have him every day…Co sleep. Instead of drugging him when he’s with you, literally just co sleep. It’s not hard.
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Honestly, he’s still young and has two ways of living… you’re going to have to pick your battles. If you absolutely refuse to co-sleep, what ever your reasons may be…that only leaves patience in setting calm and healthy sleep routines which don’t happen overnight unfortunately. So you can either create a positive routine and stick it out, try him on a cot mattress in your room or co-sleep. For young children it’s not unusual for them to want the comfort of being with their parents and will typically grow out of that themselves. There’s no magic answers here…what do you think might work for you and your child?
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Well !!! You can’t force his dad to stop co sleeping with him , I can understand your reasons but this situation will not change . If you do not want him to sleep in the same bed why you do not try to get him a little bed and just have him sleep in the same room and see if this will help.
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I refused to let my sleepless nights effect me. I just kept telling myself that they will soon pass and they did. They’re only little once, deep breaths x
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I’m 34 years old when I can I sleep beside my mum, being a parent never ever ever stops if youre not up for that then please stay away from them.
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The fact that you’re giving such a young child benadryl and melatonin worries me. That baby isn’t ever going to be able to regulate his own sleep… also pick and choose your battles and let him co sleep with you.
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Seems like the solution is easy . Co sleep. If its such an issue you probably shouldn’t have had children. In no time at all they’ll all be grown and you’ll have all the time in the world to sleep and you’ll wish they were this age again.
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Benadryl is like speed to me. I hate taking it bc I can’t sit still. Some people have that reaction
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I would suggest finding a new pediatrician that doesn’t want to just drug a toddler. I would suggest laying down with him when you.put him to bed because he obviously doesn’t feel comfortable. And honestly I probably wouldn’t either if I was on benadryl all the time.
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How much time outside is he getting? The sun naturally resets our body clock in order to help produce melatonin and make us drowsy at bedtime. I’d try to take him outside early in the day and stay out to play as long as possible. Melatonin supplements and Benadryl are not meant for extended use like that.
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He may be having a reaction to the Benadryl- I know sound crazy but it makes my daughter restless and my son can’t melatonin because it makes him restless, sleep walk, and only sleep for about an hour then he’s wide awake. My almost 3 year old still sleeps with me and neither of us can go to sleep unless she’s in the bed. She’s been like that since she was a baby.
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My two girls still sleep with me one is 7 on Monday and the other is 2.5… I don’t want them to go in their own bedroom! I love having them with me, they won’t stay this little for long and time goes wayyy to fast they’ll soon not wanting to give me cuddles never mind sleep in the same bed as me, I feel safe when their with me in bed and I feel their safe when their in bed with me too
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If co-sleeping works at his dad’s, and both you and toddler are exhausted, surely the simple solution is to co-sleep at your house! A decent sleep for both you and your son is far more useful than your determination to not co-sleep. I had a none sleeper too and its the only way any of us got any proper rest.
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Here is an ideal…… what if you have a bed for him in your room, next to your bed.
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Your body builds up a tolerance to benadryl and melatonin over time which is probably happening with your son; over time it has the opposite effect. If you don’t want to co sleep with him why not lay with him until he is asleep and then leave his room when he is out? You need to find a routine that works.
Sleep with him 
he’s a toddler not a teenager
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Sharon Haigh , my jaw dropped when it was said the developmental pediatrician suggested benadryl & melatonin for a 3 year old.
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What are you feeding him and giving him to drink?
Y not tire him out before bedtime?
Stop with all the sleepy meds. It’s not working
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Ok I see you’re against co sleeping but why not let him sleep with you and once he’s asleep move him to his bed? Or move his bed into your room? Also consider he could be going through sleep regression
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I would rather sleep with him than have no sleep at all and drugging him in the long run he will have to do it when he’s older
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Hit the Park before dark for a couple hours
If you think the cosleeping helps him sleep at dads, then I’m struggling to understand why you wouldn’t just do so at your house if your lack of sleep is so terrible.
Human contact is powerful. Your toddler shouldn’t have to take Benadryl and melatonin. Tire him out, make a routine, and COMFORT him.
I was bawling yesterday over the fact that my youngest starts pre-k this year, and watching them grow up and need me less is so hard… and then I see posts like this 
He needs you. Be there.
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Lay down on his bed next to him he misses his mum. He isn’t torturing you by the sounds of it your torturing him, that is you’re own child and it genuinely sounds like you don’t even have the time of day for him. Give yourself a shake instead of drugging a child.
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So dads not having troubles at night but you are and dad is the one that needs to change his routine? Is dad able to get him to sleep without drugging him? Doesn’t seem like he’s comfortable at your house and doesnt want to sleep alone. (Also, benedryl has the opposite affect on some people and will actually keep them from sleeping.) try naturally tiring him out, giving him a lavender bath and lay down with him. You can transition him to sleep alone, but you can’t expect him to just understand that he has two completely different lifestyles at mom and dads at toddler age. Also, stop giving him drugs to keep. Do research on long term use of benedryl and melatonin in children.
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Hay try coffee with cream , see if that helps
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Your son just wants to sleep with you… thats why those meds arent working. I have given my kids melatonin before but to mix with benedryl? I would not be comfortable doing that.
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Maybe lay in his room until he’s good and asleep and place a pillow next to him (depending on his age).
Buy a sound machine. Do the same routine each night. Shut off the TV at least 30-60 min before bed.
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Benadryl every night!? I took a sleep medication that was fifty times the amount of an ingredient in Benadryl thhat makes you sleepy and now I can’t take it at all… it can build up in your liver and actually cause toxicity and the opposite affect. I get sleepy and then jerk awake repeatedly until I’m so exhausted I can’t move.
It’s not good to put him on melatonin either because his body will get used to the supplement and not make it for him.
I think a new pediatrician would be better.
If you don’t want to co sleep - you could try a sleep sack or soft music in their room- or a white noise machine. Have to be consistent with whatever you choose.
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Stop the benadryl and melatonin. He will probably sleep much better
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Benadryl can have a paradoxical reaction in some. It will do the opposite and keep him up all night. Please stop drugging him. Co-sleep or let him stay at dad’s. Even my pets are welcome to sleep with me.
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Kacey Ables I did it with my son because its what he needed, then when he was ready to move into his own bed I went in beside him and he went into my bed 
. There’s more to this than what’s been posted xx
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No sugar nothing with sugar
Ummmm what pediatrician would suggest Benadryl and melatonin nightly for a toddler? Maybe end both immediately. Benadryl has the opposite effects for some. Then maybe let lay with him or let him lay with you til he falls asleep.
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Don’t have any more children please
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There are so many 
s in this post. You would rather drug your child then co-sleep? I don’t know that’s weird to me. Secondly, Benedryl is an allergy medication, I have never heard of a pediatrician giving a prescription for this rather than actual sleep medication besides Melatonin (which is usually OTC). Lastly, your wording. ‘ Tortures ‘? Consider giving the Father full custody since its “torture” for you to be around your son. 
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Words like hè is torturing me & the benadryl? Oh wow.
Hé is a Little kid who problably just Needs his mom. His father co sleeps and I think your Son feels save that way and misses that af your house.
Hé is small for such a short time enjoy co sleep-ins instead of pills etc.
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Wow…I’m gonna be quiet…all I’m gonna say is that poor baby…
.
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Maybe he should just live with his dad, since he can provide the nurture his baby needs.
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I feel like you should get a new ped if you want more success because the Benadryl could be making your issues worse
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Sounds like he’s push away because u and daddy are not togather and u have a younger child love him hold him and stop the meds that can do the opposite on a child diff find new ped.if ur not co sleeping with him I hope ur not co sleeping with the younger child
I bet if u would hold him love him he would sleep all night then move him to alilbed next to your bed he’s scared
Wait you’d rather drug your child, even though it doesn’t work, than cosleep with him?
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My son slept with me until I bought him a car bed. He was around 5. However he knew he was welcome to jump in if he wanted to. His dad was on the road most of the time and I was a stay at home mom.
I’m so grateful for the time I had with my son. He’s now 34 and has a little boy of his own and is an amazing dad.
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I’d cosleep if it means y’all both getting sleep! He clearly needs the comfort.
Toddler mattress or bed on the floor in your room, game changer!
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There are other options to cosleeping. While I cosleep with my youngest at 8 months old, I actually “cosleep” with my two daughters 2 and 4 to put them to bed, then once they are asleep I leave the room. I don’t sleep with them all night, but I “sleep” with them to help them go to bed.
Snuggling their parent is all the melatonin they need.
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You only have him a few nights so just co sleep to make him sleep too so its easier. He wants you maybe because you birthed him or he just wants motherly love. It’s like when children want fatherly love.
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You’re already with him most of the night so what would be the difference in cosleeping? The bond starts when they feel the most vulnerable & that’s at night.
All of my kids have their own room. 2 out of the 4 sneak into my room at night most nights that I’m home. I work nights so they sleep with my husband when I’m at work. They are 6 and 8. They have their own room, own bed, I use sleep music and have the outer space night lights. I figure we are their safe space. Eventually it’ll stop as my older 2 are 16 and 13 and sleep in their own rooms and have for a while.
I know you’re against it, but you may get more rest, and your toddler may sleep better with you. What about a pallet on the floor next to your bed?
My son will not sleep without me in the vicinity. I am against co-sleeping as well. Im a light sleeper and move too much in the middle of the night and so does my spouse. He is 4 and will be 5 in December. He sleeps in my room in his own twin bed and we have our king bed. He won’t even get in bed with us, he just wakes me up in the middle of the night if he needs something… on the nights he is having a restless night we sleep in the living room. Sleep is sleep and I need it when I need it. I can’t run on nothing and neither can anyone else. I would compromise somewhere on this if you actually want sleep
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My ADHD adopted son at 14 takes meds that would knock an adult out. I read to him either I’m sitting up or I got back to back with him till he is asleep. We had him between us when he didn’t settle previously. For the first 1 he slept every 2 hours o so then never napped. He has no aural ability to sooth himself to sleep. He has a cat in bed most nights snoring at his head and not his father now. He needs that contact of he isn’t settled.
Read to him, watch ASMR for 10 minutes…I hate the chopping onions but his eyes get droopy on that one , play a water falls, racing falling, ocean waves. Find something that works for his brain. My voice reading a novel to my guy puts him out. Too much screen time days takes 2 minutes, outside days 5 minutes. Your son needs you.
Put a toddler bed in your room by your bed. That way your no co-sleeping, but he has the security of you being right there. I did that with a few of my kids. It worked great. They slept all night & so did I. Good luck sweetie
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I loved co sleeping. We all sleep so much better together. We now co sleep with our grandchildren. They won’t want to stay with you forever so, cuddle and snuggle with them while you can. And your children are way past the danger zones. Hold them while you can.
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My son likes warm milk and honey when he can’t sleep. Sometimes just doing a routine before bed and staying on it. Like both have a snack together, bath, book, bed. He may end up liking the routine over the cosleeping due to more one on one time
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I used to let my 2 girls sleep with me, but I was losing much needed sleep (because its like they are on Rollercoasters in their sleep) so I made their bedroom. And it took a year of repetitive actions, every night! It was completely exhausting! But now they sleep perfectly fine! It just takes a lot of time! And it’s frustrating, I know first hand. Nothing helped me get though it but just making myself get through it 
I would put that baby in bed with me. When he wakes up just rub his back and remind him it’s night night.
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Poor little baby. Just let him sleep with you.
My son just turned three I got him a race car bed and he loves it but what I did because he’s uncomfortable sleeping in his room now he will for nap time but not for bedtime so I just moved his little race car bed in my room and night and he goes to sleep in there but he knows I’m right in the same room with him and if he ever gets scared he can just climb into my bed but it’s been working really great and usually he sleeps all through the night and his own little bed I think it just makes him feel better and safer and can sleep knowing I’m right there and not across the house 
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I don’t know if this will work for you, but my girl will only sleep in her bed if I hold her on my lap and let her fall asleep on me first. She knows she’s in her bed throughout the night, but I think the comfort of actually falling asleep on me helps her transition to sleeping by herself. Some people who know of our routine think it’s strange, but it works. I would much rather just have her voluntarily go to bed by herself without a fight, but if falling asleep on me first lets us both sleep… 
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Prayers for you in Jesus mighty name Amene
Reduce his sugar in his diet.give him playtime before sleeping.get him the same blanket he uses at his dad house…explain to him that his bed .put things he like in his room .
I know it’s rough not having personal space. I have 3 kids and my husband often travels for work and I spend 80% of my time at my wits end. But if it meant getting sleep and not losing my mind, I’d just sleep with him. My toddler will sleep in her own bed if I lay down with her for snuggles until she’s asleep. My middle child would come get in my bed like clock work until she was five years old and I was very pregnant, then she just stopped. It was annoying for years but now I miss it terribly.
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With all the moving back and forth he could need that comfort of co sleeping for a while maybe until he falls into a deep sleep then try moving him if you can’t do it all joght
Get him physically tired run walk play jump swim all day get a indoor tramp for when the weather’s bad I got 3 kids who don’t sleep good n this helps a lot for my older two 12+13 they take Clonidine during the school year but not in the summer to give their body a break
Simple solution- co sleep until he gets comfortable at your house
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Benadryl does the opposite for some kids. Try getting a bedtime routine down and maybe mirror that at dad’s minus the co sleeping, or put a bed for him in your room if there is space. Sleep deprivation is so detrimental to kids and effects every aspect of their day. If the absolute basic needs aren’t met, they can’t focus on anything else.
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Sounds like u want personal space more than you want your kid 🤦🏻♀ u wake up with your 18 month old so wake up with him too… U don’t get sleep?? Welcome to being a mommy… Our kids are not little forever… Spend all the time with him that he needs… If u need sleep put him in your bed so u can sleep… Its that simple
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I mean id just put all the kids in my bed and everyone would get a good nights sleep 
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Pick your battles but co-sleeping is a comfort and safe zone. They will get eventually grow up and you will miss them being little. Also benadryl is not good.to give everyday. I had a stepson who.was getting benadryl and made him restless. Maybe only give melatonin
My son is 6 and he still co sleeps with me sometimes but I will take what I get because I know when I they get older they won’t anymore
I tried standing my ground on my second child not co sleeping with me. Finally after 9 months of literally ZERO sleep for her or me and sheer exhaustion, I put her in my bed and she slept through the night from that night on. It only lasted 3 years.
Sometimes, we are fighting the wrong battles.
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How old is the kid. Other ages were mentioned but not his… honestly it’s not the kids fault his parents decided to have kids close in age and are too tired to bother with him. Not all kids are the same or have same needs it sounds like he’s not easy to deal with or self sufficient so he’s the problem? That’s sad.
We have never co slept mainly because husband gets up so early for work and the kids would be up then as well (think 4am).
In your situation you may want to try it. I understand of you are touched out and need your space to sleep or of you have PTSD and/or night terrors and are afraid of hurting the kids at night (my great uncle never slept in the bed with my aunt after his tours in WW2 due to that) You could always try them falling asleep in your bed and moving them, as long as you are physically able. Or lay with them when they fall asleep in their bed.
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Co sleep if you want him and you to sleep well.
It’s that simple.
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If co sleep or no sleep are the options, I’d be snuggling. I’d also ask dad what their night routine is. Keeping a routine, even in a different setting, will help.
Well…… You’re gonna miss how small they were when they get older. My son is now 9 years old and I sometimes cry and miss when he would co-sleep with me. Gotta do whatever works if you want sleep, too. It’s not forever.
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If co-sleeping helps he and I get sleep, that’s what Id be doing doing.
And your 18mo shouldn’t be waking up 2x/night still 
Try sound machines and black out curtains.
Are you making sure he’s good and tired out each day? My kids are terrible sleepers and most nights I just give in an co sleep so we can all get some rest.
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Ask the doctor about clonadine but honestly I think this is more about routine. Sleeping at two different places has to be horribly confusing.
He will remember that Dad was there to love and support him when he needed it but Mom isnt doing that. The post honestly makes it sound like you hate having your kid at your house. I would cherish those moments, especially if he isnt with you all of the time. He probably is craving closeness with you
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i think as parents; sometimes we fight the wrong battles. he wants the comfort of his mama at night, this won’t last forever, around age 3 you’ll be able to get him excited to sleep in his own bed, but right now maybe learn to enjoy the presence of the little life that wants to snuggle with you
bless you momma!!! I have a pretty fool proof trick for my kids at least!! Dance party!! I will also run my kids lol 
We will play outside, have races, ride bikes, go on a nature walk. Get their body and their mind busy and exhausted. If you can’t go out then I fill my living room with balloons (not necessary) and a strobe light and we dance dance dance. Then I give them a warm bath, scrub their hair, let them play in the tub. Even our get ready for bed routine is active. We get the wiggles out while we are putting on jammies. We pop, lock, and drop it (game we made up) while we brush our teeth. Then put them in bed and make sure their bed is cozy and comfortable. Nightlight, fan for the whole sleep vibe. Then I tell them stories but not just reading you gotta get in there and make that story the best story of their lives lol. It works for us!
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Idk… I’d definitely just suck it up and cosleep if you ever want to sleep. He’s not torturing you, he is having difficulty adjusting and switching between places. Get some snuggles in
Is the Benadryl absolutely necessary? Is it for allergies or as a sleep aid? I only ask because it can have the opposite effect on some people. I know several people who get hyper from it. If it’s for allergies, give it earlier in the day. If as a sleep aid, skip a day or 2 and see if there is a change in sleeping habits. It may also be that he needs to exert more energy through exercise or play during the day. Maybe going for a walk after dinner may help. Between being out in fresh air and exerting some energy, he might sleep better.
It could also be that he needs reassurance. I personally know what it’s like to be so young and be split between 2 homes. My parents split up when I was 2 and some of my earliest memories are of my mom and siblings all going to sleep in the same room. I was the youngest and had to sleep right next to my mom. I can remember being afraid that she wouldn’t be there when I woke up. Maybe lay down with him and talk about what you plan on doing together the following day. That way he knows that you’re not going anywhere and he has something to look forward to with you.
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I absolutely refused to co-sleep and insisted my children sleep in their own rooms. That worked great for 1, 2, and 3. Then, 4 came along and he wasn’t having it from night one. I pushed through and was seriously sleep deprived by his first birthday. I couldn’t take anymore so I let him have his own bed in my room. This fixed it. He’s 7 going on 8 and still hasn’t outgrown this. He was born afraid of the dark and after the sun goes down he isn’t comfortable being in a room by himself even with lights on. So, it is what it is. He and I need to sleep and this is how we both get a good night sleep every night.
Good luck to you
Co-sleeping for the win 
I would def stop the meds if they’re not helping, they can def have adverse effects at least Benadryl. If co sleeping will get you both more sleep it is worth trying. Bouncing between houses and different schedules is already a lot on him might as well try to focus on keeping a similar routine as the dad.
Hes still a baby too and absolutely needs you
Co sleeping is not negative its a very positive practice and teaches children you are there for them.
I totally understand having a baby while dealing with it im in the same boat. However all 4 of my children need me and it’s a part of parenting that’s overwhelming sometimes but our kids need up they need the comfort that’s how you raise independent strong beings
I highly suggest co sleeping a d trying to realize no matter the age your kid still needs you to protect them and make them feel safe.
Just remember one day you’ll be begging fir the cuddles and it’ll all be gone. Get every second you can before they are the strong independent beings you are raising them to be🙂
Good luck! You got this!
If dad is co sleeping and that’s what he’s used to then you are most likely fighting a losing battle.
I would cosleep. It won’t last forever.
Have you tried a weight blanket?
melatonin long term use has behavioral side effects.
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I would just do co-sleeping. Sometimes you just have to do what works for everyone’s sanity.
I have a hard time believing a Dr said to use daily Benadryl for a toddler
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My daughter at age 2 just stopped sleeping. She was up 11-15 times a night. It was awful. None of us were getting any rest and I always get sick when I’m tired. We gave in and made her a little pallet next to our bed. Everyone warned us that she would never sleep on her own again and that this would create issues for her as she got older. But doing this meant that she went to sleep and stayed asleep all night. We would go to bed a few hours later but she would never get up. She just slept all night. And when she was 4 one day she said, “Okay I’m going to sleep in my room” and that was the end of it.
He may be experiencing some separation anxiety bc of the back and forth between houses and worries that he won’t see you. Maybe let him sleep on your floor in a sleeping bag or on a little pallet and see if that helps. He doesn’t have to sleep in your bed to get the security offered to him by co-sleeping.
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I’d put up a gate and put toys in his room and tire him right before bed. Then two him he doesn’t have to sleep until his m he’s tied, be can play with toys, etc. And the fate will keep him from having access to the entire house while you’re asleep.
Melatonin AND Benadryl? There’s your problem. His system is so used to that. I highly suggest finding him a new Pedi and taking him off of that stuff.
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