I have been in a relationship with someone for 2 years now. I haven’t been feeling well so I’ve been resting a lot this weekend. My toddler just came up to me and said “Matt” is being mean to me, he smacked me. I asked him where did he smack you, and he shows me on his putter thigh. So long story short, I asked him if he smacked him, he denied it. He admitted that he told him he would smack him but didn’t follow through with it. I called my toddler into the room, and with the saddest face, he again said, “Matt,” smacked me right here. My boyfriend sat there and looked surprised. I told him he had to go, and I have to believe my children, and I ended it with him. As he was leaving, my toddler starts begging him not to go, and after he closes the front door my toddler starts crying, saying I want to give him a hug mommy and asked me why does he have to go, mommy? I said because he has to baby. So I’m filled with emotions of anger, frustration, and confusion. I have seen too many news reports on boys friends abusing their girlfriend’s children or worse, killing them. Please anyone that’s gone through something similar gives me advice?! I immediately jumped into mama bear mode and kicked him out. I tried googling some things, and a lot of stuff came up about toddlers lying about people hitting them. So that confused me even more. I know I did the right thing, but my blood is boiling at the thought of him hitting my child. Even a light smack is infuriating. We’ve discussed that he will not discipline my kids ever. My toddler is rambunctious and gets on people’s nerves, but he does not deserve to be smacked, especially by someone we’ve established wouldn’t punish him at all. I feel so confused. Sorry, I want to add in. Also, he’s never been abusive towards us. He has no children, so my fear is he is less tolerable with them. But I still can’t take what my toddler told me lightly
Good for u nobody should lay hands on ur baby !
You did the right thing. If your toddler likes him he had no reason to lie about him, and truthfully toddlers really dont lie- not like that. Protect your baby and let that man alone.
You’ve been with him two years and you’re worried he’s less tolerable why stay for two years?
You did the right thing! Good job listening to your toddler. Even if he “only” said “I will smack you for misbehaving” you have already established that is NOT how you wish to parent your child.
You need to ask your child again maybe tell the kid how important it is that he dosent lie about things like that … it’s just a hard situation I’ve never been through I hope you can figure it out… my niece has gotten this habit of lying to instigate things I’m not gonna get into that but we knew it was a lie for sure…
You did the right thing.
Believe your child! Always stand by your kid
2 year old relationship, with a toddler- Means that kid looks at him like a father and discipline comes with being a parent
If this is the only time in two years then I think you jumped the gun on kicking him out.
I have had experience with toddlers lying but not often at all. They really don’t make things up. I would maybe ask him in a few days again if “Matt” smacked him and see if the answer is the same. Ask your boyfriend again at that point and see if the answer changes. I think you did the right thing. We had a lady here where I live who had a live in boyfriend kill her son… So I would believe your son and ask him again in a few days.
So he’s taken care of your kid while you were sick?
He smacked your kid apparently and the child was mad and wanted a hug from him when he left?
I think you need to have a heart to heart with him and your kid!
I think you overreacted to be honest after two years he should be able to discipline your child especially if you are expecting him to help raise him
kids have got to come first
If hes not part of parenting then why is he living there? You cant expect him to plan a life with you and not be allowed to discipline the kids
Hes been there 2 years. He should have a say. Or take care of your own kid. I grew up old school a pop on the butt on leg was normal.
Kids lie. All the time. Especially if they think it will get someone else it trouble. Remember that.
…so the person who has been there since the kid was born isn’t allowed to correct him? Not to mention kids lie, dude. You’re gonna die alone, lady. Or do something crazy and creepy with your poor kid when he gets old enough.
So you’ve been with him 2 years, probably expect him to help you take care of your child but can’t discipline him? That makes no sense in my opinion.
Good for you but that being said I’d have at least checked for a handprint or something first.
If you don’t want him spanking your kids that is totally fair!
However why would you be with someone, long term if you dont want to parent with them? How can you expect someone to care for your children if you don’t let them.
If you dont think he cares about your son the way you do then you did the right thing! But hopefully you find someone to love and parent your child the same way you do.
This has upset your son enough for him to come to tell you! Trust your gut instinct and your son! x
100% did the right thing.
Why are you in a relationship with someone you don’t trust to discipline your children
Sounds like the kid was lying to me
Also, two years is a long time for a toddler and he is probably really hurt and doesn’t understand why hes gone.
I agree with any Amy Williford
When your child asked why he had to go you should have clarified it was because he hit him and chances are if he didn’t your child would have told the truth right then and there seeing as he didn’t want him to leave.
Was there any indication of him being hit? Red mark, hand print, etc?
Once someone came into my sons class when he was in 4k to talk about sexual abuse and what they should do if someone touches them and what not. My son told his teacher that my mother touched him and then when I was called into school he told me he told them it was me who touched him.
What we found out is they referred to it as “private parts” and in my home we refer to it as penis and vagina so he had no idea what they even meant by private parts until I explained to him the depth of his “fib”
He was a child wanting to participate and tell stories because THEY brought it up to him.
Your boyfriend could have threatened to smack him and your child could have ran with his story from there.
You ABSOLUTELY need to make sure you child isn’t being hit but I think you jumped the gun prior to assessing the situation in full.
I feel the same way about boyfriends hurting kids that aren’t theirs, it is something we have to worry about these days sadly, but he is his father figure if he has been with you and your son this long. He has a right to help discipline him as well. Now if he was abusive, it doesn’t sound like or else you would have seen a mark and not needed to ask him, then he should go. And another clear indicator that it wasn’t like he beat him, was your child cried that he was leaving.
I would always believe the child. But was there even a red mark or indication that he smacked him? Once your calm maybe talk to the bf again.
Wow…Over-react much? Was there a mark? Kids sometimes do make up stories. He’s never been abusive? You need to think this over.
If it’s been 2 years, he lives with you and has played a part in raising your child then he has every right to discipline. If there was no mark and your son didn’t seem scared of him obviously it wasn’t traumatizing or overboard. Your kicking him out WAS overboard imo. I would have a heart to heart with your boyfriend and child.
I have one boy who will say that EVERYONE beats him (even grandparents who throw a FIT when I spank his butt) he’s 4. He says they beat him with belts and wooden boards which is a clear lie because he’d have marks. My 3 year old will say people smack him when he gets mad at them or if he wants attention. He tells me all the time “daddy smack me” or “bama (grandma) smack me” and I’ll be like I was watching they didn’t even touch you lol. But always go with your instincts. Yes kids lie but you’ve gotta know your kids to be able to tell the difference.
Ask your toddler and bf again and again. My 2 year-old niece was misbehaving and her father said to stop or he will take her toy away. Then she runs into the kitchen crying saying that daddy hit her in the arm (he didn’t because I was clearly there.) Just make sure you get the full story before jumping to conclusions.
I don’t think it’s fair to expect him to help care for your child but not be allowed to discipline him in my opinion. There’s also a line between abuse and discipline though. Just trust your gut
My kids both made up all kinds of things at that age. I honestly can’t believe you ended a 2 year relationship over a toddler saying something like this. Also, whoever you’re in a relationship with should be able to discipline your children… even if you don’t believe in spanking.
Why is he living with you if he can’t discipline your kid? Honey bunny, you make no sense. I think you’re overreacting on all counts: kicking your boyfriend out, assuming he’s another one of these disgusting asshats that would kill an innocent child, and you go over the moon pissy because of a swat. And ohhhh boy, God forbid you or your boyfriend swat your kid when he’s acting out you’re the problem, lady.
I smacked my toddler on the leg for not listening like to get his attention not to the point where hes injured . If you dont want anyone but you to discipline your children its gonna be a problem with any relationship good luck with that.
Also if you’re in a relationship with someone and they’re in the home with you raising your kids with you then they should absolutely have a say in discipline and if a smack on the leg is warranted then so be it… I do know the difference between bashing a kid and giving a kid a smack for being naughty…
Well first of all you should not have brought the child into the middle of it in front of your boyfriend. Second of all if he’s going to deny it when he actually did it then something is very wrong. I’m afraid that you’ve made your child feel like it’s his fault that your boyfriend left. So I think you need to have a conversation with your child about that. I also think you need to pray about your relationship with your boyfriend.
My oldest son BIT my husband (then very new boyfriend) on his thigh and my husband immediately picked up a spaghetti spoon that was being played with and whooped his ass with it. Not hard but hard enough to get our sons attention. He never bit him again. We’ve been married 11 years now. He’s never hurt our children and my oldest two aren’t his blood.
If you love that man, call him and get him to come back and the THREE of you sit down and talk about what happened and how to prevent it from happening again. He didn’t beat your child.
Kids really only lie if they’re taught to do so, and it’s always the #1 goal to believe in what your child tells you.
The kids wouldn’t lie about that, and point where. If he didn’t admit it, that’s a red flag.
After two years its obvious you had plans to stay till this he should be aloud to discipline him…I think you may have jumped the gun an should talk to both of them more about it…your Child wouldnt want a hug from someone who physically hurt them…
If he’s supposed to be your partner in life and you’ve been together two years, you also need him to be a disciplinary figure in your child’s life. Honestly, more kids need their butt smacked. I would say you’re overreacting by kicking him out, especially if it is the first time. Now, if he’d been more forceful and left some kind of mark or was habitual about it, then that’s different.
If your child is uncomfortable or scared around anyone pay attention especially if that person is going to fucking lie about it when YOU know your child is right.
Good for you to kick him out. Sorry not sorry the children always come first.
Even if he slapped him it would be normal for him to be sad you made him leave. Kids are very forgiving and do not understand what was done to them.
You’ve been with him for 2 years and hes not allowed to discipline “your kids”??? If I were him I would’ve left a long time ago. You’re teaching your kids it’s okay to run all over that poor guy.
You did the right thing.
Might want to make wure your kid didn’t need smacked too. Sounds like a manipulator.
Never take child abuse for granted. I was in an abusive relationship for almost two years and he didn’t lay a hand on my oldest until the day I left his ass. Better to believe the child than assume they’re lying and it gets worse. Now disciplining is not abuse but if you don’t want him smacking or physically disciplining your child then tell him that.
How do you plan to make a life and raise kids with someone you don’t trust to discipline them?
2 years is a long time. If he’s caring for him he can discipline him. A slap on the thigh with no mark? Come on. Kids need boundaries.
Sounds like the kid was lying because he got in trouble. If you don’t trust someone to discipline your child then why are you letting him watch the kid. Also he won’t respect someone that can’t discipline him. I don’t believe you did the right thing because I have seen my own children lie over and over again over things that I have known to be untrue or witnessed it.
So toddler means around 3 at most…and you say je cant discipline AT ALL??
Kids definitely come first. But my two year old daughter the other day come crying to me and said daddy tapped my leg…I was like really ? She said yes and I was like I don’t think so sweetheart as me and daddy was just talking 🤷 kids
My niece told someone once that I spanked her & ive never laid a hand on her. She was probably 2 as well. They don’t know. But listen to your gut because there’s a lot of crazies out there
Honestly what if your child was doing something bad or could have hurt themselves and because of an “agreement” y’all had he sat there and let your child do it instead of spanking them
How is he ok to take care of your kids for you but not allowed to discipline…also if your child is aware of this then they no they can get away with anything when there with him… confusing!
That’s is a hard one it depends on how your child was telling you . My 3 yr came to me one time and said mommy you hit by face all the time ( never hit him in the face EVER) and when mentioni it to daycare they just said we hear many lies from the toddlers and then when asked again if it really happened they will just laugh and say nooooo
Sit down with child and make sure your boyfriend didn’t just barley tap him because I tap for a toddler is like hitting
Tbh that man may not want to come back, even if you find your kiddo was lying… I’d be concerned he’d start saying things to others too…
I trust your gut but…
It sounds like you were to hasty.
I think that’s a little extreme. If he had actually smacked your child with any power their would have been a mark. So if he did smack him, it wasn’t hard enough to even leave a mark. If you don’t want him to do that, that should have been a conversation not a get out now type of thing. Especially after 2 years of dating. Your reaction is like he beat him.
I just wanna know why you have been living with someone for 2 yrs and you don’t even trust them to discipline your child!?! Especially if it was just a pop on the thigh.
Is there more to the story?? Good grief. Discipline and abuse are WAY DIFFERENT!
He probably has smacked him but only a tap nothing major, i guess its a tough one really as ur bound to defend ur son but do u trust your boyfriend enough to believe him?? If he has smacked him then he should definitely have told u the truth instead of lying though 100%… ur never gonna no the truth i guess
I don’t understand how you have a relationship with someone with the intentions of them being a step parent but not give them any rights to discipline. Spanking may be off limits and that’s fine but to not allow him to discipline at all is just ridiculous. If he is supporting you and your child in any way then he has a say so in how the child should behave. If you don’t take his role as the other “parent” seriously then why would your child.
Not everyone hits their fucking kids as punishment. You did the right thing. You’re right in knowing there are too many kids dying by the hands of girlfriends/boyfriends.
So he can play daddy to your child, take care of him while you’re away, but not discipline? No. He’s better off away from you. You let your kids walk all over him.
Dont move a guy in and expect him to be a father figure and help you with him if he cant help discipline him
I think you did the right thing to be fair. Lie or no lie you need to protect your boy. Maybe when he is not so sad ask him again where Matt hit him. I agree if he isnt his child then he shouldn’t ever lay a hand on them. I wouldnt ever let a new partner touch my son.
I raised 7 kids and have 10 grandbabies that I will tell you. Kids are little humans. And humans lie. But maybe your little human took what he said and repeated it.
Btw if you dont want your boyfriend of two years. To not discipline your child ever. Dont ask him to babysit or put him in a fathers role.
I think you need to take some time for this to clear up. Your child may have been confused, may have told the truth. Either way he is going to be upset with him leaving because it sounds like otherwise you had a good relationship? You did the right thing but give it time and talk it over with your bf to clear the air.
You did the right thing. If your toddler said that, believe him. I know people say kids lie but My son said that his daycare teacher hit him over a year ago. We had to believe him and take him out of that center immediately. He’s four now and we drove by the daycare recently and he said “that’s the school the mean lady spanked me”
Kids first always.
Good job protecting your child and not putting your boyfriend first.
Let the man go be with a woman that wants to share everything with him, which also means raising and agreeing on disciplining the children together.
If any man hits a kid or a woman
He is a loser
My ex hit my oldest son once. Left a hand print!!! He couldn’t lie his way out. We left.
You did the right thing. Always believe your child.
My child tells her aunty that I love to smack her. Shes lucky if she gets smacked once a week. Shes almost 3. 2years in a toddler’s life. That “boyfriend” is practically daddy. Yes an over reaction. If it had happened more than once and your child was extremely distressed about being it or had Mark’s on him that would be different
My toddler would literally fall to the floor in the kitchen when I was in the living room and yell “mommy you hit me!!” First of all, when no one was around except me… and second when he wasn’t even in trouble / just playing he would do it just for attention every child is different but a LOT of them definitely say things for attention or to be dramatic. I’m not saying you were wrong for kicking him out but definitely just think about it and keep asking if it’s true. Also if it is true the leg isn’t a deal breaker… if it was his face or something that would be a red flag but the leg is excusable (in my opinion)
I think you did the right thing. It would have been different if he would have said that yes he did do it. But denying it is the big big problem. And if your son loves him like you said he wouldn’t lie about getting smacked and continue to stick with it. The moment that man walked out the door your son would have owned up to it. Also I’m assuming your son doesn’t lie since you were able to believe him right away.
He cant discipline? What happens when he is in care of someone else like daycare? They cant discipline? I think u should like any parents be on same on what discipline looks like. Kids need consistency. And maybe he lied because u are not around cause u r sick and wants ur attention. Idk if bf would come back if it was nothing sounds like some trust issues.
You can discipline a child without smacking them. Every child should be disciplined - rewarded for good behaviours and unfavourable behaviours deferred in whatever way suits you. Discipline is necessary to shape a child and develop values.
I don’t blame you for doing this, i would do the same thing.
There is other ways to discipline a toddler than hitting them.
I feel bad for the boyfriend. If you knew your kid is rambunctious and annoying I feel like if y’all are partners he should also be able to discipline. He (your kid) can use that against y’all later on in life.
You just lost a good man. And broke your sons heart. Shame, shame
Did he have a mark on him?
You did the right thing.
I feel so bad for y’alls kids that put your bf above your kids.
2 years together and tour child is a toddler…yet he is NEVER allowed to discipline your child!!! If I were him…I’d RUN. I am so happy my mom stuck with my step dad. He raised me and punished me when I needed it. He became my dad at age 6 and now I am 43 and still a daddy’s girl! I am glad he wasn’t just there as a convenience dad and not allowed to shape me into the responsible young adult I am now.
From someone who lost my 2yr old at the hands of a then boyfriend, you did the right thing momma, if I had listened to the signs he would still be here
You did the right thing!
Youll never be in a happy relationship if they cannot be disciplined by both adults in their lives. Either the relationship isnt serious or you just arent capable of being a blended family
Take some time and calm down and then talk to him. Be firm and direct and ask whatever questions you need to ask. At the end of the discussion decide if you feel safe with him around your child. My husband never raised a finger to my kids. He was allowed to do time out and remove privileges etc as appropriate punishment. Kids need to know that they have to follow rules so whoever is in your life needs to have some authority for correcting bad behavior. You have to be clear on what you will allow.
I think you did the right thing.
Whilst I dont agree with the smacking, he should be able to. Disapline your child especially since he is looking after him x
The guy missed a bullet if you’re willing to take the first word of a toddler over your partner, especially if hes never shown ANY aggressive tendencies up to this point. How do you expect him to help you parent but yet dont give him equal parenting power? Kids lie. They test boundaries. They make up their own reality.
Not always, toddlers lie and have no idea of repercussions. You over reacted in the slap on the leg if he did it? Yes, you have to believe your child but realize they do not always understand what is actually going on. To a little guy the threat is as real as if it happened. Even if something did happen you reacted in An out of control way that caused way more trauma than a slap on the leg did. Calm down and find out if the boyfriend and you can work it out. Even more if you decide to break it off there needs to be a controlled farewell so that your. Jason can have closure and the realization that none of it was his fault. You have probably given him a real sense of insecurity because beats might wonder if he could get thrownout. Kid get things all mixed up
Did you hear your son cry? Is there a mark?
Not saying he didn’t do it but kids will often tell untruths because they are also learning about the big wide world. I would often say at age 2 they don’t know how to lie, that often starts happening at a little older.
I believe you did the right thing but maybe a deeper conversation would have been needed.
If you’re going to force a person out of your life that in 2 years has never shown signs or symptoms of what your child claimed then honestly dont bring another person into you and your childs life. Ever. Because if you’re second guessing which you are and you fidnt make sure 100% before taking those measures he’s better without you because you will likely allow your child to lie to you in the future without fully investigating it and the child will be a full blown manipulator. If you came here for parenting advise, we’ll all tell you at that age a child will test what they can manipulate and anyone that recalls their own childhood with siblings or school, kids lie to keep from getting in trouble themselves.
You did the right thing!
He won’t ever be able to discipline your child? Then I don’t think you should be in a relationship with anyone. Your teaching your child that no matter who comes in your life she can walk all over them 2 years is a long time not to. It was a pop on the thigh. If it’s not the way you want him to do it fine talk to him about that but not at all that’s not acceptable or fair to the man or even the child.
If you don’t trust him around your children then simply don’t be with him.
It’s hard to comprehend how this could be the first instance after two years though and especially in a shared home.